to ask this Mum to replace my dd trousers?

(45 Posts)
BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 15:02:37

Dd was lining up to go into class today when a boy came barging through the line and pushed her into the wall.
She ended up with cut knees and ripped trousers. When I picked her up,her teacher said that the boy has form for this and has been spoken to each time for it.

WIBU to ask his Mum to replace my dds trousers? It was a pebble dash wall that she was pushed into so they are not easily repaired.

I'd be more worried about the fact that he is causing injury to other children (and it sounds like frequently) and is just 'being spoken to' which isn't working. What are the school planning to do?

CloudsAndTrees Wed 06-Feb-13 15:14:07

I can see why you'd want to ask, but I wouldn't tbh. There could be a number of things going on.

The Mum could be lovely and really struggling with her ds's behaviour. It might upset her and stress her out a lot more if you ask her to find money that she might not have.

On the other hand, she might be a horrible person who has transferred that to her child, in which case she will have no sympathy with your position, tell you to where to go, and you will end up more annoyed than you already are.

I'd talk to the teacher and tell her than you want the boys parents to be told exactly what happened, and that the trousers are ruined, and if they are half decent people then they will offer to replace. If they aren't, then you have saved yourself a confrontation.

I wouldn't, no. I would expect the parents to be called into the school though for a discussion on his behaviour!

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 15:18:26

He was sent to detention for pushing dd and the school always informs parents of their childs detention.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 15:21:24

Dd will have to wear tracksuit bottoms into school until I can get the money together. They are a weird blue colour that is only sold in the local sports shop,not common Greg or navy.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 15:21:41

Grey or navy *

nefertarii Wed 06-Feb-13 15:34:35

Personally I would speak to the parent directly. The schools steps obviously are not working.

if you are not comfortable with that, insist the school do more. Your child has a right not to be shoved and injured, regardless of this boys issues.

JoanByers Wed 06-Feb-13 15:44:02

TBH I would ask the school. They have a responsibility to protect your daughter from this child, and they have failed in that.

I don't see why you should pay for them.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 15:48:01

Well I can't be told what's going on with this boy but in all fairness I shouldn't have to shoulder the cost. But I will accept IABU and replace them.

Lora1982 Wed 06-Feb-13 15:49:38

If the school have spoken to his mum about it before this obviously isnt working praps get them to step it up by making them ask her to pay

DeepRedBetty Wed 06-Feb-13 15:54:01

Yanbu, talk to a teacher about how you can't afford new trousers right now and ask if they have any ideas about how they can be replaced, bearing in mind they've been deliberately damaged, not just the usual wear and tear from normal school/playground activity.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 15:58:11

I know I sound like a grumpy cow but its just another block of financial stress at the moment. It will be grand though.

911AreBack Wed 06-Feb-13 16:00:50

The school should be able to provide you for a pair for free, or for a couple of pounds, from lost property. It's not fair that you should bear the cost for something like this

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:08:42

I'm in Ireland 911. The trousers cost €33. School donates unclaimed lost property to the local charity shop.I just rang them and they only have small sizes.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Wed 06-Feb-13 16:18:20

I agree with the suggestion to speak to the school. This happened on their watch and they should help you out in my view.

ChunkyPickle Wed 06-Feb-13 16:20:05

Can you not just patch them - you could even use patches from a smaller charity shop pair if you really wanted to be perfect.

I know that my siblings and plenty of other kids had patched knees by the end of term - it wouldn't have occurred to our mums to buy brand new trousers.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:23:40

Yes I suppose I could patch them. The rip is jagged and thready so I can't join the sides of it.

DeepRedBetty Wed 06-Feb-13 16:24:24

Sorry ancient keyboard doesn't do euro symbol... shock at 33 for a pair of primary trousers! That's about £25 isn't it?

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:25:13

Chunky it wouldn't be so bad if they were end of term but they were only bought a couple of weeks ago. Charity shop ones are €12.

ll31 Wed 06-Feb-13 16:27:32

Would patch them, wouldnlt ask mother.. while boy may have form for this , it may still have been accidentally.. 33 seems v v expensive tbh. -and I'm in ireland too- how come they're so dear??

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:28:24

Yes,its about that Deep
Its extortionate the prices they charge. There were discussions of changing them to navy blue before summer break,but that never happened.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:32:02

The local sports shop is the only stockist of this particular colour ll.
They started doing the iron on patches for the jumpers which were €7 compared to the crested jumper which was €38 for senior school size.

MajorB Wed 06-Feb-13 16:32:40

If this had happened to my child and their school trousers cost £33 (WTF?!) then I'd certainly ask the other parent to pay.

"Hi, I assume you have heard about your DS hurting my DD and ruining her trousers? She's a size x, and the school have said they're ok with her wearing trakkie bottoms until the end of the week so if you could have a new pair to me by then that would be great. I assume your DS will be spending his pocket money on them/doing chores to earn the money for them so he learns that unacceptable behaviour has consequences?"

Should cover it nicely, but then I may be in a bit of a stroppy mood today!

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:33:04

It wasn't accidental,the yard duty teacher saw it.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:34:01

Major that's exactly how I would word it.

Sickandsad Wed 06-Feb-13 16:35:22

Are they royal blue OP and if so, what size? My DCs school PE trousers are this colour:|1;d|i_DN0yrrTgUjzM:

Will happily send you the ones DS has just outgrown if that would help. He's a tall almost 6 yr old. grin

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:39:01

Thank you Sick but they are steel blue (its a horrible colour). Dd is 9.

YouOldSlag Wed 06-Feb-13 16:40:47

Well I think YANBU. Don't, as other posters suggested, hold back in case there are "issues" Nobody whould have to suffer because of his behaviour. You can't go round being too afraid to confront bad behaviour as that only enables it for longer.

What the boy did was unacceptable and there should be conseqeunces. Speak to the school and tell them you would like the parent to reimburse you. If you are nervous, ask the school to arrange the meeting between you and the parent.

obviously "speaking to" the boy isn't working and he is a repeat offender. I'd be livid.

PS I can't believe how expensive they are! I would definitely want money towards them!

ll31 Wed 06-Feb-13 16:40:57

Even still , how old is he? would be more inclined to ask school to pay tbh

YouOldSlag Wed 06-Feb-13 16:41:59

Also- there's a serious safety issue here. Your DD was shoved against pebble dash so hard that her clothes were ripped. I'd be down the school quick smart if I didn't think my child was safe.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 16:43:53

Boy is around 10 or 11. They are in the same yard but not class and there are 3 classes in each yard.

MariusEarlobe Wed 06-Feb-13 16:51:53

I feel your pain, this happened to dd twice, luckily her school has now changed to grey but why do schools have silly hard to get colours!

Fairenuff Wed 06-Feb-13 16:54:34

I would make an appointment with the class teacher initially. Take the trousers in and say that you would like the boy's parents to replace them. Ask the school to speak to the parents on your behalf.

If the teacher doesn't agree, then make an appointment to speak with the head teacher. I wouldn't approach the other parents directly but let the school deal with it.

steppemum Wed 06-Feb-13 17:06:27

I would do as Fairenuff says. Partly to try and get the cost back, and partly to flag up how this behaviour is not acceptable.

to mend the trousers:

buy and iron on patch, iron it on the bakc of the hole. Then use a sewing machine to stitch round the outside of the patch in striaght stitch to hold pathc on, and then zig zag just over the edges of the hole to stop the raggedy edges fraying.

I have done this on many school trousers (easier on darker trousers though). it is surprisingly effective as you don't see the whole patch.

cost = correct colour thread plus patch. I would do it for you if you were closer!

valiumredhead Wed 06-Feb-13 17:09:56

I wouldn't ask, no.

Trousers can be patched using iron on mending tape - fab for jagged edges!

Tryharder Wed 06-Feb-13 17:10:36

If you barge upto this woman guns blazing, a la Jeremy Kyle finger pointing etc demanding that she hand over thirty euros for a pair of trousers, you are liable to be told quite soundly to fuck off.

She might argue that the trousers already had a hole in. TBH, I wouldn't blame her. Kids push and shove all the time at school and I think it would be hard to prove that there was anything afoot other than a bit of rough play. It's hard to imagine that a push against a wall would result in trousers being rendered unwearable.

My kids come home all the time with holes in their uniform which is always attributed to them falling down usually as someone pushed them.

YouOldSlag Wed 06-Feb-13 17:11:47

I would do as fairenuff says. it may just be the impetus that puts a stop to his roughness and bad behaviour. He will obviously continue unless proper action is taken.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Feb-13 17:19:56

I'd also do the same as fairenuff on this.

The boy's behaviour is not on no matter what.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 17:22:00

Maybe I didn't explain properly. Dds line was lining up against the wall. About 8 foot over the boys line was lining up. He came out of the line and deliberately ran into dd. There was no rough play,there was no play at all.
These trousers are a couple of weeks old and were in perfect condition this morning. Now she will have to wear track bottoms until I can buy and patch on saturday.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 17:23:09

Yard duty teacher described it as him slamming into her.

seeker Wed 06-Feb-13 17:24:46

How on earth did he push her against a wall so hard her trousers were torn?

YouOldSlag Wed 06-Feb-13 17:33:57

Tryharder- I completely disagree. The OP at no point suggested she was going in all guns blazing.

This was no everyday joshing and rough and tumble. If you are deliberately shoved into a pebble dashed wall so hard that your clothes rip, then that is unacceptable behaviour and bloody dangerous. He could have taken the skin off her face.

Turning a blind eye and calling it rough play enables mini thugs to become grown up thugs.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 06-Feb-13 17:49:35

She has small cuts and stone bruises on her knees. She said she turned to try and get out from between him and the wall.

Gracie123 Wed 06-Feb-13 18:18:31

I guess it depends on culture within the school. We had a boy push another boy over this week and cracked his front tooth in half (I could see all the red blood supply and everything!!)
He's had root canal and will be getting a false tooth. He's a foreign boy, boarding here, so no NHS available and yes, we are billing the other boys parents for all the emergency dental costs that the school incurred.

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