to complain about this nursery worker? I honestly can't tell if IABU, please help!

(90 Posts)
Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 02:36:06

DD1 is four. Very verbal, very confident, very physically affectionate. Her best friend is likewise, and they tend to play together constantly, lots of role play games.

A is a new carer in the 'kindy room' at nursery (4-5y/olds), and very junior; because of this, A is usually allocated to general supervision of play, whereas the more senior staff are often doing the more structured stuff.

DD1 and her friend seem to have adopted A as their personal adult playmate, and both speak very enthusiastically about A. Which is great, in a lot of ways; it's nice for them that there's an adult there who is willing to join in their interminable pretend games and things. A seems really nice and has lots of energy, plays chase and gets out drums and generally joins in the fun.

But. DD1 has reported that their games involve "being little girls who run away from the monster who catches them and tickles them". Or "pretends to eat them". Or "ties them up". I don't think any actual tying up is going on, but it's all physical hands-on games. And BF's mum has picked her up early before and she's been sitting on A's lap.

And it seems - although obviously four year olds are not always reliable narrators - that A spends a lot of time playing with the two of them, as in, disproportionately to other kids, bearing in mind that there's a 1:10 ratio in that room. I have had chats with A when picking DD1 up - oh, you're with DD1 and her friend again, they both tell me how much they like you playing with them - that seem to support this: as in, A agrees that they've played together lots, had lots of fun. And this might well be initiated by the girls.

All of this might be initiated by the girls; both of them are very physically comfortable around adults, BF sat on my DH's lap the first time she met him (at a class where the adults were sitting cross legged on the floor), it might be that A is young, naive, wanting to please and not wanting to turn the girls down when they ask for adult company, in order to impress the senior staff and show willing.

But is it reasonable of me to have a quiet word with the boss? Just check whether there's a policy around how much hands-on-ness they encourage? Obviously the younger children need more intimate handling anyway, because of nappies and wiping clean after meals so of course part of being a child carer is being hands-on with kids as necessary. And it's a very reputable centre, I have no doubt that A's qualifications and security check (CRB equivalant) are up to scratch, the boss is very good and very involved. So I'm probably just being precious, right? Only, BF's mum brought this up with me yesterday as well, so we've both noticed and wondered.

Boutdesouffle Wed 06-Feb-13 02:42:12

Let me get this straight.. She plays with the children? And let's them sit on her knee? In a nursery? What exactly are you wanting a "quiet word with the boss about"?

I think you are over reacting.

When DD1 was in nursery the leaders gave her cuddles a lot. She loved them and was happy.

A new worker is playing with the children, enjoying her job and making them laugh. Why would you have a word with anyone about it?

What does the other parent see as a problem? The sitting on A's knees or that her child gets so much attention? Does A give you that vibe that screams not appropriate?
I would be more annoyed if I were a parent of one of the others in that room as they don't get as much of her attention. Nothing you have mentioned would raise concerns for me. I the more seasoned staff don't like the games she is playing I'm sure they would be quick to re direct her. I'm not too freaked out by kids sitting on knees and playing chase. Dd sat on her Kindergarten teachers knee in K as have many others in that room. The Kindergarten teacher occasionally chased, lifted, chased all the kids. She gave each one a hug on the way out the door to go home as does Dd's 2nd grade teacher. It sounds like you are in the US, I have met lots of people who don't want anyone to even touch their kids at all, no hand holding by teachers, or anything.

Boutdesouffle Wed 06-Feb-13 02:51:51

Sounds like New Zealand to me. Teachers in the US are very warm and the parents expect that.

Mimishimi Wed 06-Feb-13 02:55:16

If you had told us that A has said to them that they will play a game that they shouldn't tell their mummies about or some such, you would have reason to worry. It sounds like your daughters are having fun and bring completely open about it. You did not specify whether A is male or female. Do you feel apprehensive if the carer is a male? Probably unwarranted but somewhat understandable. If the carer is female, my first impression is that you are jealous actually.

Delayingtactic Wed 06-Feb-13 02:55:54

I think yabu. She's playing normal games with children in her care. She's not asking them to go off to play with just her out of the view of the other care givers. They are ideally placed to spot if there's something amiss.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 02:56:04

Nope, I'm in Australia.

I'm very relieved to hear IABU. I was coming down on the side of 'good for A' but my mother is convinced I should Take Some Action. I would hate for DD's experience in nursery to be without physical affection; certainly her younger sister gets cuddles and sits on laps, you'd expect that in the younger groups, I'd be horrified if their care giving was hands off!

Concern of other mother was like mine: disproportionate amount of time spent with our DDs, very physical games, is it completely appropriate or does it tip over into a little bit ... kind of wrong. But as I say, I don't get any sort of vibe from A except enthusiasm and possibly a touch of naivety.

MammaTJ Wed 06-Feb-13 04:52:25

I think these two confident little girls are demanding attention and the person caring for them is not experienced enough yet to reject them nicely, so they are continuing to get the demanded attention. They are having a lovely time. YABU!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 04:58:35

Fabulous. Thank you all so much. One of those times where I really, really wanted to be U!

(A is male. It was a deliberately ambiguous post because I am pretty convinced that if A were female I wouldn't have the slightest qualm. And I hate feeling that way; I want my girls to have positive male role models in their life outside their family, so.)

newbielisa Wed 06-Feb-13 05:07:42

"A" might find it easier to bond/interact with older children.

This post made me really sad. Sad that we now live in a world where we question adults spending too much time with our young, that we question tickling games -every child's favourite, that reading your post made me want to shout Yes YABU but also made me question myself - what if I'm the one who's got it wrong.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 05:09:18

I totally agree, newbie.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 06-Feb-13 05:10:56

I actually assumed that A was a male, as I don't think this would've been posted if A had been female.

Another one here thinking you are being unreasonable, but you already accept that.

I am sure that he is under supervision if he is new to the job, and if he wasn't spending enough time with the other children it would be picked up on.

Boutdesouffle Wed 06-Feb-13 05:33:01

Ahhh, I should have realised it was a scary scary man. Very odd reaction OP. I feel so sorry for males working with children.

HoleyGhost Wed 06-Feb-13 05:49:52

I think male nursery workers are favoured by the children due to novelty value. My own dd talks about hers all the time.

Fightlikeagirl Wed 06-Feb-13 06:27:50

I went on a very interesting and thought provoking course yesterday about how important physical play is and how children bond with each other and adults through just running and chasing. And how much bloody good fun it actually is!! Your dd is very lucky to get this opportunity at her nursery.
And cuddles??!! Really?!! shes 4!! How sad that you think this is strange.
Like others have said it makes me so sad that male early years practitioners get this reaction, so very sad indeed.

Kyrptonite Wed 06-Feb-13 06:31:08

Erm really? A keyworker is interacting with your child and you think something dodgy is going on?

Thank Christ the parents at my nursery don't think like you.

Megatron Wed 06-Feb-13 07:12:44

As a nursery nurse, these kind of posts scare the life out of me. I guessed you were talking about a man as I doubt you would have raised any concerns had it been a woman. sad


It's the one thing I've missed in the last couple of nurseries the dcs have used, no male staff. It's great when there are both male and female role models. The cuddles thing is also ridiculous. Dd is always sitting on, or cuddling the staff. It's great she feels so secure and cared for.

I really feel for nursery workers sad

Saski Wed 06-Feb-13 07:24:52

So, you feel that he is paying your daughter and her BF too much attention?

Please don't report him. That would be really, really bad for him.

nefertarii Wed 06-Feb-13 07:27:02

Yabu, but you know that.

is your mind problem that he is a man? Very strange.

seeker Wed 06-Feb-13 07:27:17

Please don't talk about this to anyone. Not even to your mum, or the other mother- it only takes a hint of a whisper, and you don't know who might overhear you.

Groovee Wed 06-Feb-13 07:37:09

As a NN I don't get the issue. Sounds like the other mother has her own issues to deal with.

strawberryswing Wed 06-Feb-13 07:39:38

YABVU. just doing his job (and seems to be doing this well) and gets this reaction just because hes a man.

Please dont complain, could you imagine the consequences for this man?

I agree with others I really hate how we live in a society where men cant be close with children anymore, whether it be their own family members or through work etc.

I understand being aware etc and sorry to be blunt but the bottom line is the overwhelming majority of men are simply not, in any way shape or form, paedophiles and they shouldnt automatically be treated as they are.

camgirl Wed 06-Feb-13 07:39:53

What everyone else said .. but also bear in mind that male nursery workers, like dads, might do more physical play with children. This is great and you are so lucky. It will increase the girl's confidence and sportiness no end.

My dd was like this with her key worker. Always hurling herself at her, running up for cuddles. She was female bud made no difference to me.

He's playing and interacting with your child that's his job.

There's nothing to complain about smile he sounds fab

crashdoll Wed 06-Feb-13 07:49:35

When I started working in a nursery, I was 18 and the average age of the staff was about 40. The next person nearest to my age was 35. I liked to sit on the floor, play imaginative games and run around like a loon, so I was often assigned as the general play supervisor. I was very hands on with the children and at circle time, 3 children used to fight over who could sit next me. They were 3 very confident children who loved the attention and would jump on my lap at every opportunity. I was frequently to be found with 3 small children piled on my lap!

The situation in your OP reminded me of this experience. I built good relationships with the children and the parents too because their children were happy. Also, the manager started looking at encouraging all staff members to really get involved and have fun. I loved my job and I think (I hope!) it came across. It wasn't me as a person that the children loved, it was the way I interacted and by the time I left, there was a huge shift in the nursery.

Children aren't young forever. Nursery should be fun, full of cuddles and with people they love to be around!

CloudsAndTrees Wed 06-Feb-13 07:54:05

I am SO pleased you have seen that YABU!

Working with this age group and younger, parents usually say that they are pleased that their children's carers are hands on and natural with them and allow lap cuddles when the children want them. To the extent that I am shocked that anyone would see those things as a negative.

I can understand a little reservation because of the fact that he's male, but honestly, children who have male carers are very lucky. I wish there were more of them willing to work with this age group.

seeker Wed 06-Feb-13 08:28:37

"When I started working in a nursery, I was 18 and the average age of the staff was about 40. The next person nearest to my age was 35. I liked to sit on the floor, play imaginative games and run around like a loon, so I was often assigned as the general play supervisor"

Oh, I know! 35 years olds just aren't flexible enough sit on the floor, are they and I suppose their imaginations have completely atrophied by that age...

socharlottet Wed 06-Feb-13 08:38:42

No wonder there are so few men working with children
Your post has made me realyl sad OP

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 06-Feb-13 08:50:28

Don't report her! The last thing we need is for nursery workers not to be able to cuddle/play with children the way school teachers aren't anymore.

My DD kisses her nursery workers. I have never thought it was weird, it just reassured me how much she loves it there.

The workers are constantly cuddling, playing with and carrying the children. They are effectively trying to fill your place whilst you cannot be there, so cuddling is part of the job.

NoTeaForMe Wed 06-Feb-13 08:52:14

This is so sad. You want to speak to the boss because a lovely nursery worker plays with your daughter and her friend. What exactly were you planning on saying? If you verbalise what it is your thinking, as you would to the manager, can you see how ridiculous you're being?

Your daughter is happy, her friend is happy, the nursery worker is doing a good job! Also don't forget that she could only be playing with them for 15 minutes a day, and the children are telling you about that small window. When you speak to her she's hardly going to say 'god, I only played for 15 minutes' she will of course talk about playing with them and what fun they had, especially as the girls are there!


puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 06-Feb-13 08:52:42

Sorry, didn't see the man bit. Don't report HIM blush

TiggyD Wed 06-Feb-13 09:14:15

If I were him I would avoid "tying up" games just in case one of the children talk about it and grown ups jump to conclusions. Nothing wrong with eating children though.

LittleChimneyDroppings Wed 06-Feb-13 09:17:54

Whats age got to do with it crashdoll? hmm Does it mean when you hit 35 you lose the ability to get down and play with children?

ophelia275 Wed 06-Feb-13 09:36:24

Please don't report her. She sounds like she is one of the few kind, involved, enthusiastic nursery workers out there. You don't know how lucky you are. This lady is probably being paid peanuts and she sounds like she is putting her all into her job. If you report her, she will lose all enthusiasm for her job and not be able to give your dd and her friend tickles or cuddles anymore when they obviously like her and sound like they enjoy their games together. Is that what you want? I am so sick of this parent paranoia that everything an adult does is malevolent or harmful, even when there is no bad intent. Sorry but it is because of people like you that we have an overly zealous, paranoid, paedophile-obsessed nanny state.

SweetSeraphim Wed 06-Feb-13 09:41:56

Why don't people read the whole thread?? confused It's not like it's zillions of pages to catch up on, is it?

OP, well done for recognising YABU. Nursery worker sounds lovely smile

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 09:47:31

Oh, goodness, I was never going to report him. As you lot say, report him for what? It was more, should I have a quiet word along the lines of, are you aware of/happy with the level of physical contact that this guy is displaying? Is there any guideline about what is inappropriate with this age group? I.e., tickling games fine, tying up games maybe not?

But, please rest assured, I am not only utterly convinced I am BU but really, I always knew that. It was that I had noticed - and then noticed myself noticing, if you see what I mean - as in, have I noticed the level of physical play because he's a bloke and I'm paranoid, or because of some woo maternal instinct I shouldn't ignore? And then the other mum, who is a friend of mine, brought it up separately. And then my mum and I were talking about it and she thought I absolutely should Make Them Aware, that it isn't good to teach little girls that men-who-aren't-family can tickle and cuddle them safely, it would blur boundaries. Which I disagree with. So I came to MN to check that I wasn't underreacting, as she thought I was.

I too am really sad for male care workers. And wish there were more of them. There was another bloke at this centre, in DD's room, when she was 2, and she loved him because he taught them ball kicking skills and things, and that was great. I don't know why he left, but it wouldn't surprise me that it was for similar reasons, he experienced distrust.

I DO think this guy is being a bit naive, to be honest. He is way, way more physical and hands-on than the other carers; probably because he is male, sure, but if I were the only bloke in a centre, in an industry which is notoriously suspicious of men, I would probably not be letting little girls sit on my lap. Sad as that is.

CaseyShraeger Wed 06-Feb-13 09:52:51

The male staff at DD1's nursery were virtually mobbed by the children; I don't think they'd have got away without a full day of cuddles and hands-on-ness unless they'd run away and locked themselves in a cupboard.

FriendlyLadybird Wed 06-Feb-13 09:58:08

I know you now you were B a little bit U, so won't add any more. Just to say that he may be even better than you realise and, in fact, be playing with all the other children just as much. The way my DD used to talk at nursery, you'd think her keyworker only had responsibility for her. It took a while for me to realise that she (the KW) was as close to around five other children!

Flobbadobs Wed 06-Feb-13 10:00:32

I worked with a male NN, poor bloke was like the pied piper! The children adored him and he was fabulous with them. But he did once tell me that he was very careful around the children regarding what games he would play and about having them on his knee as he didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea. I thought that was quite sad. He was very young though, newly qualified. I hope he has gained more confidence since.

OHforDUCKScake Wed 06-Feb-13 10:00:51

I knew A was male when you were writing that.

My brothers play with their and my kids in exactly the same way. They have a way with children that Ive never. Children flock to them. Probably because they are big kids themselves, but they are soft, amazing, wonderful men.

Its a sad world when we have to question males around our children, let alone in a professional environment.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 10:15:34

Actually, that's really illuminating, the pied piper thing that a couple of you have referred to. I hadn't thought that his gender might be causative of the type of play in the sense that the kids initiate different sorts of games, but it makes sense.

DD's best friend has also recently lost access to her Dad, so her Mum was wondering if she was seeking out replacement male role models - that's how the conversation came up in the first place. So that's even more important, I think, for this poor kid who doesn't have a proper Dad in her life to have men around she's physically comfortable with.

Thanks, all. I feel properly stupid, but that's really helpful. I promise to vociferously defend him to any naysayers in the future.

OxfordBags Wed 06-Feb-13 10:16:23

Newsflash: men can enjoy playing with kids, cuddling kids and having them sit on their knees for exactly the same reasons women do, without there being any sinister motivations whatsoever! My cousin was a male playworker, and not only did the kids flock to him, they loved to sit on his lap and get hugs. So many of them didn't see their dads very often, some of them not at all, and it was heaven for them to have some simple male affection and attention, as well as playing all the games and doing physical stuff that are particular to how most men play with kids. My cousin eventually got a different career because he couldn't handle virtually everyone thinking he was some sort of weirdo for enjoying the company of children. The sexism of that view is as offensive as saying it's not normal for women to have powerful jobs, or be in the army, or something.

(Btw, I hate generalising about male play like that, because I rough-house with my DS more than Dh does!)

Also: I am over 40 and able to sit down on a floor and play imaginative games. Do I get a medal?

OxfordBags Wed 06-Feb-13 10:18:57

X-post! Sounds like your Dd's friend is definitely seeking out a Daddy substitute, Op. And if her friend is seeking him out all the time, then DD will naturally join in. You are right that it's important for that other little girl to have positive interaction with a nice male adult.

Quilty Wed 06-Feb-13 10:26:49

This is a classic example of how the media has made us so paranoid, it's only natural but it seems such a shame. I think it's great that your nursery has male staff, in general men tend to play in a completely different way with children. My partner was picking up my friends little boy by his ankles the other day and he screaming with glee, I wouldn't be able to do that sort of game with him, he's too heavy! Not that I'm suggesting the nursery staff do games like that, health and safety and all that, but you get my point! I would be happy that my child was having lots of fun and exercise at nursery.

People seem to forget that that all the things people worry about are not isolated to men. Plenty of women have either been responsible or been an accomplice. Yet every one still watches the male staff sad
Anyone working with children is extensively back ground checked and there a rules in place for all staff to protect them against being open to allegations.
All the children will be safe and have fun and enjoy their pre school experience.

choceyes Wed 06-Feb-13 10:38:27

My DS (4yrs) has a male key worker at nursery (the only male at that nursery). I often see him picking up children for a cuddle, holding them etc. He is great! My DS says he's is favourite carer at nursery - I think all the kids want to play with him too. It's fab having a male key worker.
YABU and you know that OP. I love the fact my DCs are cuddled and sat on laps at nursery.

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Feb-13 10:49:56

See it's Daily Mail type attitudes that put a lot of men off of working with Infant children.

I think it's as great shame because for some children a male nursery worker/Infant teacher will be the only positive male role model in their young life.

steppemum Wed 06-Feb-13 10:50:04

op, my dd LOVES men, if there had been a male carer at her nursery she would have been hanging on his arm all day long, climbing on his lap and begging him to play games. She has been like this since a tiny tot. She is a daddy's girl, dad is at home, she has uncles and grandpa etc, but still she would have loved to have had a male carer to play with.

So, I can imagine that the girls are initiating this because they love having a male carer in the group. At church we have one young guy, aged about 20 who all the little kids love, they rush up to him and he swings them round, gives them piggy backs etc, he is very physical, but all in a totally innocent way, they just know that he is prepared to take the time to mess around with them for a few minutes.

So I think that male might cause the kids to initiate games in a slightly different way, and that is a good thing for all.

So glad you have decided all is well. How nice to have a male carer.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 06-Feb-13 10:56:00

It's things like this that put blokes off working with children. How sad.

He's doing his job, he sounds great. YABU.

ApplePippa Wed 06-Feb-13 11:04:58

Yes, I've seen the pied piper effect too. There's a lovely man at my church who helps in the creche and the little girls absolutely adore him! He usually has a trail of them following him around. I think it's lovely to see.

whattimestea Wed 06-Feb-13 11:10:48

I so wanted it to turn out that A wasn't a male sad My lovely, gentle natured 14 yo DS is a wonder around small children and is thinking of a future career in childcare. An industry which could do with many more men within it IMO. Its the attitude of the op - albeit a reluctant attitude - that does cause me to worry about others opinions of male workers in childcare - in other words possibly my son. What a shame.

steppemum Wed 06-Feb-13 11:10:53

do you go to my church apple? grin

WilsonFrickett Wed 06-Feb-13 11:14:47

The thing your DM said about boundaries - I know where she's coming from but does she really think no woman ever abuses children?

It certainly isn't too early to start talking to your little girl about boundaries - things like its her body, she's allowed to say no to tickles and cuddles (and make sure everyone (including your DM) respects your child's boundaries on that). That's all good teaching, but it shouldn't be gender slanted.

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Feb-13 11:17:15

The fact the OP went to great lengths to keep A's sex out of the opening post, screamed 'male' to me grin

ApplePippa Wed 06-Feb-13 11:22:41

grin Steppemum - the man at my church is retired and a grandfather!

Floggingmolly Wed 06-Feb-13 11:23:41

No, it doesn't sound like it's tipping over into a little bit... kind of wrong at all, based on what you've posted hmm

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 11:23:54

Worra, yes, I was actually assuming that would be picked up, it seemed so awkward to me when I was writing it. I was awfully surprised to get the first responses referring to 'she'. But I guess that we are just so used to nursery workers being female.

(I wasn't, of course, trying to 'trap' anyone, as I said upthread)

MariusEarlobe Wed 06-Feb-13 11:39:27

I worked in a nursery with fantastic make carers, our nursery banned us from cuddling and holding the children after a similar comment. How can you not nurse or comfort and upset toddler sad
There was outrage from the parents over this rule.

MummytoMog Wed 06-Feb-13 11:44:42

All sounds fine to me - DD is very physical with her TAs and teachers (she is 3.5) and we often go to collect her to find her curled up on someone's knee, half asleep. I'm glad that they're fine with cuddling her as she really does need regular cuddles throughout the day.

That's awful marius sad they r still so young at nursery they won't understand at all y no one will touch them sad

They all need a cuddle when they hurt themselves! They have their whole lives to learn what a horrid place this world can be, they don't need to be rejected and unloved at three sad

notyummy Wed 06-Feb-13 11:55:43

I am glad the OP has examined her own feelings on this in such a rationale way. My DDs after schoolclub (4 year olds and up) is run by 2 mean, with lady key workers as well. They are fabulous child carers and run really imaginative sessions. They also run a holiday club as well as dd loves going there (thank god!!) and they do the physical stuff so well, as well as doling out cuddles and care to the younger children when necessary. I am not niave - I know abuse does happen - but I really hope that people dont tar everyone with the same brush.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 06-Feb-13 11:59:32

Marius, that is awfully sad.

This has got me thinking about how I never really see the female carers cuddling or tickling or doing physical play with the kids. Absolutely in the younger rooms they do. Just not the 4-5 year olds.

TiggyD Wed 06-Feb-13 12:19:21

He does need to remember that 2% of people (in Britain) don't like male childcare stuff and bear that in mind when with the children. It's a fact. He has to learn to live with it and think about how some things might seem to a distrustful person, but not let it stop him from doing his job. I hope I'm sure all the staff he works with are very supportive of him and will give him advice when he needs it.


yes. Alter care for everyone because of 2%. hmm

And the OPisnt in the UK.

lockets Wed 06-Feb-13 12:35:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory Wed 06-Feb-13 12:44:03

"I DO think this guy is being a bit naive, to be honest. He is way, way more physical and hands-on than the other carers; probably because he is male, sure, but if I were the only bloke in a centre, in an industry which is notoriously suspicious of men, I would probably not be letting little girls sit on my lap. Sad as that is."

As this nursery is not in the UK, the man may not be aware of the suspicions of the UK industry- or if it were pointed out, he may not necessarily see why he should adapt his behaviour to the concerns of a different culture.

Not necessarily because he is naive but because he knows the norms of his own society.

Sunnywithshowers Wed 06-Feb-13 12:46:42

He sounds like a great carer OP.

WhatsTheBuzz Wed 06-Feb-13 12:47:00

of course yabu but there are reasons for it such as statistics, horror stories, the fact that there seems to be more women than men working with children (could be wrong of course). Definitely wouldn't complain.

Fightlikeagirl Wed 06-Feb-13 12:47:13

Where did you pluck that 2% figure out from Tigga??!!!! hmm

Fightlikeagirl Wed 06-Feb-13 12:53:19

And Tigga have you never heard of equality??? Would it be acceptable to say that a certain percentage of ignorant people don't trust people from a certain cultural or religious background so these people should be aware of that when they try to do their job?! No, of course it wouldn't.
You are bring ridiculous and attitudes like yours make me very angry.

CaseyShraeger Wed 06-Feb-13 12:56:35

Fight, it may be worth mentioning that Tigga is a male nursery worker so (whether you agree with him or not) he's bringing to his posts the benefit of many years of experience working with nurseries and parents and seeing how they react to him as a man.

CaseyShraeger Wed 06-Feb-13 12:57:59

Sorry, Tiggy not Tigga blush

Fightlikeagirl Wed 06-Feb-13 13:02:06

Well that's sad then if he feels he has to work like that and if that's how other male nursery workers feel then its no wonder they are so few of them.
Thanks for pointing that out to me Casey.
Sorry Tiggy ( and also for getting your name wrong!)

NumericalMum Wed 06-Feb-13 13:18:05

My DC had a male nursery worker. He was with her throughout. In her nursery there were quite a few actually. At first I will admit to thinking it was a bit odd as I never imagined her workers would be male but I soon gve myself a metaphorical slap as I work in a very male environment so should be a better person. He was great with them to e honest. She adored him and definitely gave him more attention than the female carers as he was a lot more of a player (as opposed to a carer which the females were)

TiggyD Wed 06-Feb-13 13:52:10

The 2% stat was from a report a couple of years ago. 2% wouldn't like a man looking after their child, and 2% of the profession is male. I know the OP is from foreignland but I don't know any figure from thee.

I am a male childcare worker and I'm careful but not paranoid about how I behave around the children as I know I am more closely looked at by people and people can mis-interpret things. I would never suggest a tying up game with a child. No nursery staff should, but men in particular.

I hope everybody on here uses a nursery that welcomes men, and the only way to guarantee it does is to only pick nurseries where they have men working.

Fightlikeagirl Wed 06-Feb-13 14:03:57

I didn't see that report Tiggy. Googled it but nothing came up, will l

Fightlikeagirl Wed 06-Feb-13 14:10:27

Whoops posted too soon...
Will have another look.
Your posts are very good advice from one male early years practitioner to another. But as I (yes shouldn't jump to conclusions!) thought it was a female writing the post, it sounded very prejudice. So I apologise again for taking it the wrong way.
My husband was a nursery nurse and I have worked with quite a few over the years. I think it's quite sad that they have to feel like they are not trusted at times as much as female members of staff but I can see why they would feel that. One male I worked with once never felt comfortable changing girls nappies which I thought was sad. ( But maybe he thought he'd give me that job!!!)
Anyway you sound like you love your job, Tiggy. Good for you smile

Mumsyblouse Wed 06-Feb-13 14:17:44

I think it's true some male carers play different types of games, my school-age children have had several male carers in their after-school club (which seems to get more young guys than for example in their primary school as teachers). In general, they have been more hands on and a bit more physical, and also enjoy jokes and silliness. One in particular was adored by all the children so much, and everyone was really sad when he left.

Not all the guys were great, one or two were a little monosyllabic, and some of the female carers were better than others, the two they have now are very good at keeping everything calm but interesting.

In other words, I don't tend to love male carers just because they are male, some have been excellent/some not so, as with the women, but they do sometimes initiate different types of games and often, with a really talented careworker, the children will flock to that more physical joking young guy who also happens to be really good looking because it's fun to play with him.

TiggyD Wed 06-Feb-13 14:23:08

Try this page for it flight. here

nannyof3 Wed 06-Feb-13 14:28:43

Shes doing her job!!!

Some children dont like adult involvement, so she prob sends more of her time with the ones who are interested in her!!!!

Get a grip woman!!

Fightlikeagirl Wed 06-Feb-13 14:37:12

Thank you Tiggy. smile

A male? Dd had a male preschool teacher when she was 4, she adored him and he was fantastic. He was young and newly qualified and did a brilliant job.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 07-Feb-13 00:34:34

Tiggy, I'm actually surprised (and heartened) that it's only 2% - I feel sure I've read something much, more higher than that previously. But I'm sure you're right. Or Australians are much less enlightened. One or the other.

A friend of mine worked in early childcare as a university student, a very small place where there was the boss, and then her and a male co-worker. She was promoted over the co-worker, despite him being more senior and more qualified, because the promotion involved opening the place up and thus being the only carer there at the beginning of the day, and her boss told them that she'd lose parents if she put a bloke in sole charge of the children without supervision. That was 15 years ago, but still. Poor blokes!

Nannyof3, I have a) mentioned that A is male, and b) prostrated myself with remorse. Do keep up with the thread, please.

TiggyD Thu 07-Feb-13 00:41:40

I didn't think Australians used childcare. I though they kept them in a pouch and hopped round with them.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 07-Feb-13 00:43:46

I have often said that marsupials know where it's at. Birth 'em small and keep 'em on the outside, that's a BRILLIANT plan.

piprabbit Thu 07-Feb-13 00:58:24

You might like to point out to your DMum that an awful lot of abuse happens within families. Rather than telling children that some types of men (men inside the family) are safe and other types of men are dangerous, it is better to talk to children about types of behaviour (secrets, touching etc.) being inappropriate and how they should deal with that - regardless of who is doing the inappropriate behaviour.

This lets children trust the people who care for them, but understand they need to talk to you if someone does something that makes them uncomfortable.

Writehand Thu 07-Feb-13 00:58:42

Two blokes brought my DS home after he'd been knocked off his bike by the park. He was only about 10. They'd picked him up, grazed & sobbing, and his bent bike, and then, when I opened the door, the poor guys apologised to me in case I minding men taking care of my child. One of them was a dad from our primary school.

I was so grieved that they should feel that way. They told me one of them was a qualified First Aider and did I want him to look at my DS? Yes, thanks a million, I said. They were so worried I'd think they were paedophiles, and I felt so unhappy about how society is today.

I'm very much with Seeker here, who posted: Please don't talk about this to anyone. Not even to your mum, or the other mother- it only takes a hint of a whisper, and you don't know who might overhear you. Indeed. You could ruin this man's career, even his life.

YABU. Thank your lucky stars you've got such a lovely carer. Most men are lovely.

Morloth Thu 07-Feb-13 00:59:57

There has been a bit of a push lately to recruit male child care staff/teachers.

DS1 is delirious with joy that he got one of the few male teachers at his school.

I agree they are mobbed. Which is sad really, what a shame that they are so rare.

DS2's daycare doesn't have any male staff unfortunately, I wish it did.

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