To think animals are just disgusting?

(157 Posts)
Stinkyminkymoo Mon 04-Feb-13 21:07:36

I'm house sitting for my parents and am sitting on the sofa bf the baby and the cat has shot across the room back & forth because she has a shit stuck in her bum. Got DH to pull it out but luckily for both him & the cat it fell out before he did.

He then left to go home and the dog was sick. Then ate it. Boak.

This is why I love my horses, no arse-then-face licking, no eating-shit/vom and no rolling in stinky dead animals. shock

Anyone else got rank animals? smile

LynetteScavo Mon 04-Feb-13 21:10:22

Horses have massive ugly willies and do massive ugly poos while walking.

Some humans are revolting...dandruff, B.O., wind....

fridayfreedom Mon 04-Feb-13 21:13:51

Have you ever cleaned out a male guinea pigs's anal sack???

LST Mon 04-Feb-13 21:14:24

Yup I've got 3 cats and a dog that likes to dig up their shit and eat it...

He does like his teeth cleaned though...grin

CarlingBlackMabel Mon 04-Feb-13 21:23:21

People always go on about animals being clean because they lick themselves.

Yes, they lick themselves all over, having eaten shit, vomit and licked their balls and doubtless the contents of their anal sacs. Whatever they are.

ledkr Mon 04-Feb-13 21:25:48

I agree. Would never hurt one don't even eat them but ugh they are fucking vile and make me squeamish especially foamy doggy drool <boak> isn't a horse an animal though hmm

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Feb-13 21:25:54

At least my dog doesn't shit in the middle of the road and then flick it up and over the rider with his my mate's horse does grin

Not that I ride my dog you understand shock

Twattybollocks Mon 04-Feb-13 21:26:03

I have a horse, he shits in his own water bucket every single bloody night. He also has the worst rim cheese I have ever seen on a horse.
The dog, whilst annoying with the face/arse licking and the rolling in fox shit, is actually quite pleasant in comparison.

Uppermid Mon 04-Feb-13 21:26:21

Cos humans are sooooo clean!

WorriedMummy73 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:26:33

Yep, have seen my cats vomit all over the tv, spray into the video (way back when) AND into my Dad's amp (he was maaaaad) and seen one dog bolt her food and vomit it back up, only for the other dog to eat it! Still love my pets though, even though they are truly disgusting.

ledkr Mon 04-Feb-13 21:28:12

I already feel sick now

Naysa Mon 04-Feb-13 21:28:24

Dog mouths are apparently cleaner than our's.

You'll be grateful for a bit of cat poo when you cleaning smegma out of a horse's sheath. The smell stays with you.

ledkr Mon 04-Feb-13 21:30:09

Naysa that's a myth. When I worked in a and e we were always told to be extra cautious of a dig bite. Very jubby mouths indeed

LST Mon 04-Feb-13 21:30:21

Tbh I'd say Ds and the dog are on parr with the cleanliness thang..

mrsbunnylove Mon 04-Feb-13 21:30:43

one of my four rabbits had a sticky bum yesterday and had to have a bath. i've never bathed a rabbit before and expected bites and scratches. no. she loved it. and then when i couldn't find my hairdryer and had to make an emergency dash to asda to buy one specially, she loved having her hair dried.

her bum was a bit smelly. i'm trying not to think of that part.
i wouldn't keep guinea pigs for anything.

Twattybollocks Mon 04-Feb-13 21:30:51

Naysa- oh god yes the smell! He is so bad that I get a whiff every time I do up his girth, and yes, the smell stays with you for ever!

Juanca Mon 04-Feb-13 21:33:50

Have you ever cleaned out a male guinea pigs's anal sack???


manicbmc Mon 04-Feb-13 21:34:18

I once read a whole thread dedicated to cleaning a horses cheesy dong. Not on this forum but on a parenting forum. grin

FlorriesDragons Mon 04-Feb-13 21:35:30

My husband has two dogs (they absolutely aren't mine grin) and I cannot stand the mess they make. Hair, grit, wet paws, throwing their food around, sick, poo in the garden. I can't handle it. And I end up cleaning up after them because he is so lax and we have two young children in the house. Heinfuriates me.

MotheringShites Mon 04-Feb-13 21:36:51

Animals are all revolting....without any exceptions. I absolutely detest the way cats and dogs sit on everything in the housewith their dirty anus (ani??) exposed. Imagine if a person spread their arse cheeks and sat their chocolate starfish on your soft furnishings. Then there's the piss, spray, drool, stench. Don't get me started on the hair!

I cannot fathom why so many people adore them but each to their own.

TheOriginalLadyFT Mon 04-Feb-13 21:37:14

Stop, stop, am just roaring at this thread

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Feb-13 21:37:17

I kind of want to nominate Twattybollocks' post as the best post ever

But somehow it feels so wrong grin

The dog and I are competing tonight, who can produce the most noxious gas?
I'm winning, grin

charlottehere Mon 04-Feb-13 21:39:46

My cat wiped her arse on the floor this morning. I didn't notice until it had been walked in numerous times <boak>

MrsBW Mon 04-Feb-13 21:44:49

Laughed at 'rim cheese'

Laughed so much I couldn't tell my husband why I was laughing for 40 secs at 'smegma out of a horse's sheath'

Literally crying and howling at 'horse's cheesy dong'

Lindsay321 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:49:29

"cheesy dong" smile

Lindsay321 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:50:42

Ooops meant to go grin at cheesy dong not smile at it!

Chottie Mon 04-Feb-13 21:53:28

I can't laugh at all..... I keep saying OMG, OMG, OMG. And now I realise why I do not have any animals at all. I don't think I could do all any of this stuff << vomit emotive >>

You must really, really love your animals.....

jewelledsky Mon 04-Feb-13 21:53:30

Have just sprayed wine all over laptop- hilarious!!!
Although it's not just animals who are disgusting. I watched a person on the till in Tescos yesterday (during a lull - was 2 tills down from said person) excavate her nose, examine at length her treasured find (with an all-consuming interest), roll it around her finger and thumb for quite a considerable time then stick it under her till. Oblivious to the fact she was in public. I will not be going to till number 5 ever . Revolting.

Stinkyminkymoo Mon 04-Feb-13 21:53:53

Ok, I was going to gloss over the delights of cleaning my horses willy. It is utterly rank, when you have to dig about finding The Bean. Espesh when you pick the bits off (with gloves I hasten to add!) and drop them on the floor and then the yard dog eats them.

It's also delightful when you are grooming their back legs, they lift their tail and pffftt. In your face. BigHorse is an expert at this.

TheOriginalLadyFT Mon 04-Feb-13 21:56:32

jewelledsky that is why one should nevair go to tesco, such horrid people grin

OxfordBags Mon 04-Feb-13 22:03:33

I don't want to know what The Bean s, and yet I feel compelled to demand that you tell me, OP <places precautionary spew bucket by sofa>

I want a t-shirt made up with "Have you ever cleaned out a male guinea pigs's anal sack?" on the front grin

I also, for some reason, had a vision of a Jehovah's Witness asking that as his opener on people's doorsteps...

Clarabell78 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:03:36

How do wild horses clean their willies without humans to do it for them??

lockets Mon 04-Feb-13 22:04:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeepingCalmAndPostingNicely Mon 04-Feb-13 22:04:56

Oh God. I just read that about the cheesy dong as I ate my last delicate morsel of Sainbury's Taste the Difference cheddar. I feel a bit ackkkk now.

I had no idea people cleaned their horses knobs shock everyday is a school day!

Beamur Mon 04-Feb-13 22:07:37

Yup, animals are disgusting.
My dog likes to roll in dead things and when she goes for her next round of jabs I will be asking the vet to check and see if her anal glands needs emptying.
The gerbils are small hairy thugs who will eat each other when one of them pops their clogs - they are fine while alive but seem to become a snack on dying...
The fish is the least revolting but has to swim around in his/her own poo - I do change the water and have a filter, but still....

jewelledsky Mon 04-Feb-13 22:08:12


Waitrose from now on grin

SucksToBeMe Mon 04-Feb-13 22:09:42

I can understand why my Irish grandma thinks we're awful having pets in the house. All family pers lived outside in her day. But I do think horses are slightly less gross. Mine poo in their water buckets, pfft in my face grin when I'm plaiting/putting on tail bandages, and snort snot in my face. But what wins me over us the fact there poo is just chopped up vegetarian bulk,many a time I've scooped poo up with my bare hands. But dog poo makes me gag EVERY time.

TheOriginalLadyFT Mon 04-Feb-13 22:11:29

Could never understand my nephew having a gerbil in a cage in his bedroom. It stank like a public bog, did feck all and bit you at the slightest provocation

SanityClause Mon 04-Feb-13 22:12:41

Cats aren't clean, they're just covered in cat spit!

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Feb-13 22:15:33

My Siamese cat is ALWAYS getting poo stuck half out of his bottom. He just walks up to me and presents it! He stands there with his arse to my face looking all hmm when I look grossed out.

jewelledsky Mon 04-Feb-13 22:15:37

Have seen friend's dog drag its arse across her carpet and then sniff-at length-the enormous skidmark it left in her cream pile. Truly rank.

Stinkyminkymoo Mon 04-Feb-13 22:16:22

Oh The Bean... It's a firm lump of smegma that has collected and hardened inside the horse's penis. It can become so large that the horse can no longer urinate...which may also cause other problems due to blockage.

I think wild horses don't have a willy cleaning because they move more.

I had a friend at school who had a male lop rabbit who used to spunk through his cage loads, walking past was hazardous to say the least. Not nice when you'd get it in your hair aged 12! blush

Naysa Mon 04-Feb-13 22:23:06

Apparently stallions are less prone to beans because they use their dongs so they aren't as cheesey. Not sure how true that is but it makes sense in my head grin

TheOriginalLadyFT Mon 04-Feb-13 22:23:22

Well mrsmushroom that's pedigree cats for you. Rude, arrogant little buggers ha ha

confusteling Mon 04-Feb-13 22:25:14

I did once walk on my cat, pre-neutering, with his legs wide apart, huge erection, licking away.. Backed out of the kitchen and left him to it!! Since being neutered he doesn't do that anymore, but every time the eldest cat , Jim, comes in from the garden, he makes a beeline for his bum and sniffs/licks it for as long as he can, even following him through the house with his nose up the poor Jim's arse..

The other one quite often lies in bed with me. He breathes with his mouth open sometimes, blowing hot fishy air on to me. He quite often lets off farts that smell strongly of rotten eggs. And he's squirted "poo juice" everywhere, before then licking it up.

They also sniff their own shit after depositing...


OP surely The Bean is far worse than a poo stuck in a cats bum?
<does cat bum face>

pjmama Mon 04-Feb-13 22:26:56

It's just jealousy. If humans could lick their own bits, we'd probably never get anything done.

andubelievedthat Mon 04-Feb-13 22:31:31

you got it pjmama> humans in the "throes of passion" put their tongues/lips mouths were animals wouldn"t figure out how to ? do animals (apart from humans )do anal? just wondering?

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:31:44

we have and have had them all.....dogs, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, rats and hamsters.

i also yearn for my own horse, i help at the stables a couple of days a week where im learning to ride.

i mucked out a stable of a horse that also shits in its water bucket.....i love horses but thats not so pleasant! it sort of dissolves.....why why why would an animal do this!!

the worst thing was when my cat was sick down the back of the radiator. every time the heating came on i could smell cat vom....had to pour jugs of water down the back of it to dislodge it...

she also drinks out of my glass of water every morning.

the dog seems less hassle. good job i love em all. (and i let my riding school pony kiss me on the lips....i dont tell DH!)

OxfordBags Mon 04-Feb-13 22:33:09

I really do wish I'd not asked, but thanks, OP!

neveradullmomentinparadise Mon 04-Feb-13 22:37:56

My dog once came into the bedroom while DH and I were, ahem, having sex, jumped on the bed and gave DH's balls a good licking before settling down at the end of the bed to lick his own. GROSS.

Frizzbonce Mon 04-Feb-13 22:41:27

My lovely old cat had a very furry arse and used to get poo gunged into it - which made his bum fur stick up like a kind of Johnny (Very) Rotten. Poor old thing then developed a bowel problem and couldn't make it downstairs so he would nip into the bathroom which had a lino floor and do a huge squelchy shit in there. But at least he was smart enough not to crap on the carpet. I had to wipe his arse with a babywipe.

Good times . . . .

neveradullmomentinparadise Mon 04-Feb-13 22:42:02

And my other dog would go searching in the bathroom bin for used tampons to chew on. Bleughh. My new dogs are not allowed upstairs. Ever.

Small male guinea-pig I reckon is going to be an impacted blighter.
He had a turd the size of a hazelnut in his bum. DD and I had to use a babywipe to ease it out.
He lay there smugly.
(And he's only 2.4.yo. Goodness knows when he gets ancient) shock

Sparklingbrook Mon 04-Feb-13 22:43:43

Sparkling Cat (pic on profile) does none of this grossness. The worst it gets is she licks my eyebrows in the night. smile

This thread has been a real eye opener. I had no idea horse owners had to clean rim cheese. Maybe there's a gap in the market for a horsie fleshlight.

MadCap Mon 04-Feb-13 22:48:09

I had a dog who used to hang out in the field with the horses. He did this because he loved eating their poo. Looked out there one frosty morning and he was stood behind my scruffy tailed appaloosa with a steaming pile of shit on his head happily chomping away on some dung nuggets.

When I was a horsey girl (many years back) my mates gelding used to get really crabbit (bad tempered) when he was bunged up.
It called for a handful of Vaseline and a soft cloth confused.
I took her word for it !

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:49:42

and thats why i will get a mare!
no rim cheese for no no no no!

Kleptronic Mon 04-Feb-13 22:50:33

MadCap grin

Frizzbonce Mon 04-Feb-13 22:52:36

MadCap - Dung nuggets!!!! grin What - like Cheesy Wotshits?!!

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:54:01

oh and my other cat once vommed up the mouse she had just devoured. i made DH deal with that one. he wanted cats.

and the dog once got upstairs and ate a 2lb bag of chocolate rejects from a factory.
she was sick all night. i had to sleep on the sofa with her. she looked so sorry for herself that i could not find it in me to be grumpy about it and luckily she was fine.

my old boy dog (god rest his soul) used to eat his own poo.

to be fair my existing girl dog is actually not much bother, and the 2 cats are actually very sweet despite the vom down the radiator and the vommed up mouse.

they are all getting on a bit now so i guess gross incident to age ratio is pretty small for the pleasure they give.

Vicar you just have to put up with the very tarty whinneying and pouring out gallons of pee when they're in season (and much worse at the end of season) when they get a whiff of a male.

Gelding smeg or pints of pee.......decisions.

(Your dream horse is out there and if it's a gelding, just get your gloves on) grin

MadCap Mon 04-Feb-13 22:55:41

I also have a cat who won't simply jump over the baby gates (which I know she can, she regularly clears 6' fences outside) she must use the walls as a springboard in some kind of crazy parcour type acrobatics stunt. As a result,I'm constantly cleaning muddy paw prints off the walls.

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 04-Feb-13 22:56:43

my cats are lovely and clean and wash themselves and each other and bury their poo Thank You

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:57:44

yep i guess i shall just deal with it as and when, as i do with all my other furries! i got home on Sunday after my lesson and a day helping out at the stables - DH says i smelled of horse.....the sad thing is i like it! everyone else gives me a wide

Id rather clear up animal
Shit than human shit!!! Most the animals I know are cleaner than half the people that I serve. Cannabis, bo and piss is far worse than smelling like "dog"

Animals can't help where they poo people can.


catladycourtney1 Mon 04-Feb-13 23:11:41

Wheresmycaffeinedrip agreed. You only have to get on a few buses to stop complaining about the smell of dog.

And I'd sooner clean up any type of shit than scrape off a horse's knob cheese.

Boomerwang Mon 04-Feb-13 23:18:01

I haven't laughed this much in a long time! Cheesey horse dick! Jehovah's witnesses enquiring about your guinea pig's anal sac evacuation expertise! A dog with horseshit on its head! Cat masturbation!!!

My eyes are streaming.

My boyfriend owns two cats and a dog. The cats aren't so bad, but the dog is revolting. She eats the catshit from their litter tray. I can tell when she's been in there because she gets bits of cat litter stuck around her lips and up her nose. Because of this, I screech at the damn thing if she dares to go anywhere near my daughter. She also vomits and eats it back up. She moults hair EVERYWHERE and I vacuum at least once a day and give her a brush down because I am sick of picking hair off my daughter, her dummy, her juice bottle and grabbing tufts of it out of her hands before she shoves it in her mouth. I wish my boyfriend would get rid of the damn thing.

DENMAN03 Mon 04-Feb-13 23:27:37

Hilarious comments! I have two sphynx cats, ie naked, so I dont have hair issues, however one likes to wipe her bum on the carpet after frequenting the litter tray. The other thinks its great to bite my eyelashes in the morning when he thinks its breakfast time!! (its still dark..take the hint)

As for horse cheese, I must confess I have never cleaned the horses bits! He seems fine however and hes a grumpy bugger at the best of times so I would be facing a hoof in the head if I tried to go near that with a scrubbing brush!

whethergirl Mon 04-Feb-13 23:34:40

I have a cat who never leaves any shit residue around his arse, always vomits outside and goes in the corner behind the sofa to fart. My ds on the other hand...

How often does a horse need their knob de-cheesed then?

Ds ate a whole load of horse poo once. His mouth was full of it.

Naysa Mon 04-Feb-13 23:38:43

whethergirl They say 6 months but some horses are really clean and could go longer than a year, however some are proper cheesey and need doing every couple of months.

Greensleeves Mon 04-Feb-13 23:42:26

our neurotic, insane but adorable cat decided on lametta as her Christmas indulgence this year. She pawed it off the Christmas tree and swallowed it. We kow this because we had to pull it out of her arse, where a good three inches of it was dangling festively out of her butthole. More than once. Nice.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Mon 04-Feb-13 23:47:24

pls explain (i think) what cleaning out anal glands is all about. i have never heard this.

SolidSnake Mon 04-Feb-13 23:48:51

How dare you suggest my beautiful cat isn't clean! shock grin

I hate going down my sister's though, she has a dog which every chance it gets humps his teddy bear, spouts a massive (MASSIVE) erection and just sits there and licks it, panting, in the living room! And everyone is just sitting there pretending nothing is happening!

This is why my cat is neutered grin

catladycourtney1 Mon 04-Feb-13 23:53:24

Ohhelp some animals (I know cats and dogs do, and rabbits and guinea pigs, I can't really comment on what else) have glands either side of their bumhole that emit a smelly, greasy liquid, that helps to lubricate things and mark territory. These glands can get blocked and impacted, which can cause the animal a lot of discomfort, and so they need to be "expressed" - which means squeezing them, or in some cases, inserting a digit and kind of pushing on them from the inside to force the blockage out. Needless to say, it's not a pleasant job, and the stuff that comes out STINKS.

Oh God there is nothing like the smell of an impacted boar guinea pig. My poor old piggies was regularly held over the toilet. I bought a box of latex gloves from the chemist especially for the job. Poor little buggger it did make him look pop-eyed shock.

fridayfreedom Tue 05-Feb-13 00:00:58

What is really nice is when the guinea pig eats what has just been removed from his anal sac!!!
And they produce soft pellets that they eat for the nutrients. Once fed one of these back to GP who had left it on the carpet ... DD 16 face was a picture, I was wetting myself at her expression as GP chomped happily!

Squirrelface Tue 05-Feb-13 00:18:07

Bloody hell, fridayfreedom - I thought for a moment there you'd fed the guinea pig turd to your grand-parent!

fridayfreedom Tue 05-Feb-13 00:19:42

Oh, sorry , guinea pig of course not granny or local Dr !!

Naysa Tue 05-Feb-13 00:24:24

Arf at feeding Guinea pig arse pellets to the grand kids!

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 05-Feb-13 00:49:24

My puppy is lovely and clean to be fair.

My cats are vile. Particulalarly the wilder one. He often goes on a wander (up to 5 days) and comes back with his own shit matted into his fur,around his bum,all down his legs. The last time I could smell him before I saw him and there were solid little turds matted in there. Had to clean him up whilst heaving.

The indoor cat is a bit unclean but just let's the puppy groom him wait she's not that lovely and clean actually .

They're both quite long haired though so maybe that's why? They're beautiful but I'm never getting long haired cats again! The odd thing with the wandering one is he's been neutered (as has indoor cat) and still wanders.

bootsycollins Tue 05-Feb-13 01:00:10

Aaaaaaaargh! I've just watched a guinea pig having his anal sack issues dealt with on YouTube thanks for that! confused

fridayfreedom Tue 05-Feb-13 07:19:12

Ha ha ha, guinea pigs have yucky bits but they are adorable so you can forgive them!

bootsycollins Tue 05-Feb-13 08:39:20

Guinea Pigs have always had a very special place in my heart, I love their skinny little legs and that cute squeaky noise they make. At our local petting zoo they have a Guinea utopia (actually it's a shed with about 15 piggies living in peace and harmony) they have drainpipe entries/exits and you never know who'll appear next, like a piggy red carpet. I'm in bulk at the ones that have the tousled bed head look and look like they've just fell out of bed grin cute!

Stinkyminkymoo Tue 05-Feb-13 09:48:28

Wow this thread has expanded my knowledge of guinea pigs! I thought they were cute little things!

We once took our dog out for a walk she started scraping her bum on the floor an I noticed she had a poo stuck as she dragged her arse on the road and she had a bit of plastic hanging out of it that my DH had to pull out with a large leaf. Lovely!

Arcticwaffle Tue 05-Feb-13 09:51:51

I used to look after a dog that ate used tampons which came up with sewage in the back yard (student house), and then the dog excreted the used tampons while being taken for a walk down the road.

The same dog also ate live maggots from fishermen in the park.

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 05-Feb-13 10:30:55

My dog eats stuff. Any and all stuff.

She had to have a massive operation to remove a sock that had tangled around her intestines, it had been there so long it was rotten. Mmm

She also got so backed up once (after eating her entire lead hmm ) that she vomited poo.

Her finest hour though was getting into the cat litter tray, eating a load of cat shit, puking said shit, then eating the puke.

My cats hump each other. They're brothers and both neutered. The tend to do it outside, they have a favourite 10ft high garden wall, you know, nice and visible. They start by sniffing each other then it all gets out of hand; one or both will get their lipstick out and just do what comes naturally. Incestuous gay catty bum sex. That's how we roll.

mrsjay Tue 05-Feb-13 10:35:32

Dont you need to do something rank to male horses and their bits Im sure my friend has to de muck her horse <heave>

Miggsie Tue 05-Feb-13 10:40:28

I think it is becuase when we domesticate animals we put them in an unnatural environment...imagine if you put a human in a small cage forever, or only let them walk 2 streets for the rest of their life.

All animals have bodily functions and humans are animals too.

StinkyWicket Tue 05-Feb-13 10:45:36

I actually feel quite bilious reading this thread.

THIS is why I don't have animals. That and the fact I have children instead grin

mrsjay Tue 05-Feb-13 10:54:43

That and the fact I have children instead

children can be pretty vile too on the body fluid front grin

irishchic Tue 05-Feb-13 12:27:15

Right that's it, after reading this thread I am NEVER EVER going to give in to my dc's pleading to get a dog/cat/guinea pig etc. In fact i shall just show them this thread and hope it turns them off the idea!!!

sydlexic Tue 05-Feb-13 12:36:36

Thanks for helping with the diet. I have gone off the idea of lunch completely.

My dogs are partial to owl pellets, bird shit, cat shit vomit from any species and rotten carcasses, they're still more hygienic than a teenager.

miranda13 Tue 05-Feb-13 12:54:03

Animals are disgusting because they don't have a sense of disgust like humans do. We don't eat our own faeces, we don't walk up to each other in the street and smell each other's anus holes, spray piss and then sniff each others piss, or watch our neighbour vomit and then eagerly lick it up off the pavement. I'm baffled by the need to clean a horses cheesy dick though, surely nature normally takes care of such things?

willyoulistentome Tue 05-Feb-13 13:05:43

My horse is a mare, so I get the mucky back legs and 'tarting'. A bit smelly, but nothing too vile. Who says wild horses don't get 'dong cheese'?? I bet they do!!. If they really don't get such a build up I would say it is because they would be stallions and not geldings, so their dongs get a bit more in out cleaning action.

By the way horses poos are fine and don't smell bad. Dog poo -- yak!

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Feb-13 13:07:56

If I give in to temptation and google anal sack because of this thread, you're ALL going on my shit list.

Every one of you


Tailtwister Tue 05-Feb-13 13:11:01

My friend's cat used to come into her bed and sleep on the pillow around her head. One morning she woke to a strange smell and found cat shit all over her pillow and in her hair.

Our old family cat used to have a love/hate relationship with my Dad. When I went to uni he started shitting in my Dad's bed. That finally stopped, but after a week Dad found the cat had been using the fruit bowl as a urinal. I just hope he was in the habit of washing his fruit before eating it.

50BalesOfHay Tue 05-Feb-13 13:14:57

My mare likes going to the pub. We met a gelding there. She fancied him as she was in season. Cue her lifting her tail to flash her bits (called winking) then sloshing gallons of fanny juice onto the tarmac. A right proper posh family sunday lunch pub as well. If people behaved like horses everyone in a nightclub would need wellies.

Give me a monthly (private) knob wash of my gelding any day

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Feb-13 13:24:17

neveradullmoment, erm.

not sure how to ask this without risking you taking great offence grin

did having his balls licked by the dog not put your husband off? Giving them a good licking would suggest time taken. Was your husband not leaping up and yelling ROVER, gerroff me plums...

or did he think you had just performed the best sex trick EVER? grin

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Feb-13 13:27:48

" If people behaved like horses everyone in a nightclub would need wellies."

I may actually die from the laughing.

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Feb-13 13:28:50

oh god. please add grin without the grin, that really sounds sarcastic! blush

and people wonder why I use so many emoticons

TroublesomeEx Tue 05-Feb-13 13:31:10

Have bookmarked this thread for the next time DD (6) starts pestering for a puppy or a kitten...

AmberSocks Tue 05-Feb-13 13:36:28

i have 2 cats and we have only had a couple of accidents when one of them was a kitten,they seem clean enough to me.

JollyRedGiant Tue 05-Feb-13 13:41:28

This, and my allergies are why we don't have pets beyond fish.

The worst you have to do with tropical fish is clean the tank regularly and put them down humanely if they are very ill.

Lovecat Tue 05-Feb-13 13:48:08

I was told that if a gelding had never had his sheath cleaned out then you should leave well alone, but once it had been done, you needed to keep doing it as his natural internal balance would be disturbed. My gelding had never been cleaned and so I never did him, 10 years on and he hasn't had any issues.

Mares dribbling/squirting and thrusting their arses at you at every given opportunity, however... ew!

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 05-Feb-13 14:35:24

Oh my cats are both immaculately clean. I've had them from 8 weeks and not one accident or indoor puke from either of them.

They just love each other very very much!

Stinkyminkymoo Tue 05-Feb-13 14:42:35

Lovecat, that's what I thought until I turned up at the yard one morning to see my poor BigHorse with a massively swollen sheath - think like a bulls ball sack.

When I got through to my vet because that's a conversation you want to have at work he pitched up, jabbed him with a sedative, handed me a pair of gloves and I got charged £75 for the privilege of cleaning my own horses knob! smile

piprabbit Tue 05-Feb-13 14:49:22

How do wild guinea pigs tackle their impacted anal sacks?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Tue 05-Feb-13 14:54:29

Yanbu. Yuck.

NameGotLostInCyberspace Tue 05-Feb-13 15:08:18

And this is why I will never agree to pets. Thank you.

The End.

Stinkyminkymoo Tue 05-Feb-13 16:51:37

Sooo... Who googled Guinea pig anal sacks? Go on. Own up.

Mandy2003 Tue 05-Feb-13 17:02:10

Oooh, oooh, I read that cheesy horse dong one too manicbmc!! What site was that again? Surely not <intake of breath> Nethuns was it hmm

therugratref Tue 05-Feb-13 17:19:19

Hello Mandy and Manic I remember The crusty dong thread back in the glory days it was hysterical. I have owned many geldings in my life I have never decrusted a dong, ever. grin
Incestuous, gay, catty bum sex......I am crying, describes my two otherwise immaculate, clean felines perfectly.

Mandy2003 Tue 05-Feb-13 18:00:29

I've just done an advanced search and IT WAS ON HERE in the Pets topic from 2008! Pandora69 does the description, it starts by saying "Introduce Mr Horse to Mr Hand..."

5 years ago - you can see I was scarred for life grin

See, I have no problem doing even gruesome jobs with animals, they are our responsibility to look after and clean no matter how many penises and bums we have to look at. --you haven't lived til
U have helped give a cat an enema-- grin

It's grown men/woman who chose to not wash or use deodorant and wash their hair that make me go <boak>

I'd still take cleaning a horses bits over sitting next to men stinking of piss!!! (men of capable mind though I'm
Not such a bitch I'd be mean about medical
Conditions that can't be helped) smile

DoctorAnge Tue 05-Feb-13 18:20:48

They are so disgusting. Esp dogs who rim each others shitty bums them come and lick their owners and childs faces.

Tailtwister Tue 05-Feb-13 18:26:28

Your post brings back memories 50balesofhay! I had a mare when I was a teenager and she used to squeal when she was in season and spied her favourite beau.

portraitoftheartist Tue 05-Feb-13 19:23:59

For everything disgusting about animals there's something as bad or worse which humans do. We are also deliberately, inventively cruel to other humans as well as animals.

AhsataN Tue 05-Feb-13 20:34:43

well i have a vile cat who whenever he needs a shit refuses to use the litter tray just takes a shit behind my oven or washing machine. other wise hes murdering the neighbors pet rabbit or nice robin red breasts.

i have a mare and she is just as dirty always farting when you pick her feet out or winking when shes in season when you brush her tail.
there is a lady at our yard who owns two geldings, she is in her late 70s she takes great pleasure in extracting dick cheese from their sheaths. with her bare hands she sticks them up their sheath rummages around and pulls out their willy and peels off the cheese. leaving a delightful pile of crust on the floor. when i was suffering with morning sickness i did loose control slighty upon seeing a mountain of smeg in front of me.

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:07:43

oh whether i get a boy or a girl hoss im in for grossness....i shall look forward to that one then. smile

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:08:38

oh and laughed at the needing wellies in the night club scenario....grin

Labradorlover Tue 05-Feb-13 22:27:32

I've had two occasions where animals have eaten my puke while I'm vomitting.
About 20 hens scrambling for the result of a monster hangover, and my dogs delighting in re-eating my breakfast when I had morning sickness.

Years ago 3 of us were out on 3 mares (late summer/autumn time). There was a loose, escaped horse in a barley field , an amazing little dapple grey (like a Thelwell pony all mane and tail and hormones)

The mares just stood there, puddling , alternating between "Leg it girls, he's after us"
and "Oooh talent "
to "Cheeky bugger will need a step ladder"

Luckily for me, my mare decided to pick up her skirts, turn 180 degrees and run for home grin
I didn't fancy being the middle of a horse sandwich.

openerofjars Tue 05-Feb-13 22:50:50

<pukes all over thread>

DS (age 4) thinks he would like to be a giraffe vet one day, except he is kind of scared and disgusted by all animals, especially their poo and drool.

He is right. I had no idea. God, imagine what giraffe get up to if even little fuzzy guinea pigs are this gross.

A nugget of stuck guinea-pig pooh (because it's only mashed up vegetable after all) pales into insignificance compared to dogs anal glands and the emptying of.

<<Disclaimer>> I've never been near a dogs anal gland thank you very much.
But my little fuzzy guinea-pig can't help it if his tiny rodent bottom gets too tired and flabby to push (awwww)

floatyjosmum Wed 06-Feb-13 00:02:03

We have a rabbit because I thought they were reasonably clean however I've discovered (and it turns out everyone I know already knew) they eat their own poo!

meddie Wed 06-Feb-13 00:16:31

crying laughing at your animal stories.

My kitten gets in the litter tray then sticks its arse over the side, shits on the floor then spends 5 minutes digging through the litter trying to cover a poo thats not even in the tray.

I thought that was bad, but it just doesnt even compare to horses cheesy dongs...

ladymariner Wed 06-Feb-13 00:41:31

I've just woken dh up, I'm laughing so much at this thread......brilliant.

Visions of madcap 's dog sitting with a pile of shite on it's head will see me through work tomorrow grin grin

DizzyZebra Wed 06-Feb-13 01:09:55

Has your horse ever had to have an enema? I can assure you, That's disgusting.

And embarrassing when a small child walks by going "DADDY!!! Why is that horsey weeing out of his bum?" As you stand therre wanting to ground to swallow you, trying not to get splattered by shit.

DizzyZebra Wed 06-Feb-13 01:10:57

Oh and my horse mounted my mum. She felt that was disgusting, And was not impressed when he presented her with his knob every time she went near him after that. The joys of adolescent colts.

M0naLisa Wed 06-Feb-13 01:32:05

Yes animals are disgusting creatures.

Mum has a dog and I dread going because he always licks me eurghhh

monsterchild Wed 06-Feb-13 02:10:52

The pooch is not allowed to lick my face. I refuse to be a butt-licker-by-proxy.

50BalesOfHay Wed 06-Feb-13 09:07:53

Also, just about every horse I know sees having its back feet lifted as the equine equivalent of 'pull my finger'

Twattybollocks Wed 06-Feb-13 10:20:59

50bales, too right, mine likes to wait until I'm doing a tail bandage and then lets rip for about 30 seconds right in my face. He also shit on the farriers shoulder last summer

Sallyingforth Wed 06-Feb-13 10:24:19

Humans are animals too, and we are certainly disgusting. Just look at the way we treat each other, and other animals.

Boomerwang Wed 06-Feb-13 12:11:50

Let the lighthearted thread stay lighthearted, that's what I say!

LangenFlugelHappleHoff Wed 06-Feb-13 12:42:15

Keep em coming!

Not my pooch but mothers used to love eating out of bait tins when on a canal walk. Cheeky bugger once jumped into a lorry cab and stole a blokes sandwich. Poor mortified mother had to pop home mid walk and make him a new one.

I once had a dog give me a golden shower while he was led on the back of the sofa....

catladycourtney1 Wed 06-Feb-13 12:52:05

meddie haha, my cat does that too, or sometimes she manages to shit actually on the edge of the tray, so if it's a bit loose it goes down both sides and underneath. She also refuses to clean her arse, which is good in a way because she likes to share my food, but it means I have to chase her around with a baby wipe after she craps.

Stinkyminkymoo Wed 06-Feb-13 14:56:36

Sally, I know people are disgusting, but this is supposed to be lighthearted and a bit silly!

I love my animals to bits, just hoping that mine aren't the only disgusting ones!

Took parents dog out to the high street with the pram and she had to do a massive shit right in the middle if the pavement. Awkward. Couldn't have possibly done it in the gutter because then no one would be staring at me. Thank god for nappy bags!

Toomuchtea Wed 06-Feb-13 15:59:28

One day last year I was standing in the kitchen when water began to drip in from above. The bathroom! I thought. Some nurk has left the bathwater running AGAIN! Wrong. Cat had peed so copiously on the bathroom floor that what was streaming through the ceiling was cat pee. Oh how we laughed. Being rained on by cat pee was such fun. Who knew such a tiny cat had so much pee in her?

Have now installed a litter tray to deal with the cat-who-pees-when-cross-which-is-always, which the dog regards as a labrador snack centre.

And I remember when I was little stepping in some incredibly liquid shit the cat had left on my bedroom floor, and screaming for my mother, who screamed back at me not to be so lazy, and come and find her... Cue more screaming from me, knowing full well that to drip cat shit all over the place as I came to find her would go down extraordinarily badly. The noise level was amazing.

GetOrf Wed 06-Feb-13 16:01:45

I had absolutely no idea about the geldings or the mares cocking their tails.

SMEG on horse dicks. Jesus christ. They don't mention that in the Pullein-Thompson novels do they?

acceptableinthe80s Wed 06-Feb-13 16:13:04

This thread should go in classics, hilarious.
I had the misfortune of working with animals for many years and cleaned up shit/vomit you name it day in day out.
One that sticks in my mind was a white English Bull terrier puppy that had just had braces fitted eating it's own shit right before the owners turned up. I remember it because I vomited whilst picking shit out it's teeth.

tompuss Wed 06-Feb-13 16:35:19

A word of warning re emptying dog anal sacs. If you don't cover the 'operative area' properly with wadding or whatever the liquid can squirt straight into your eye - lurrvvly - gets all gunged into your eye lashes. Plays havoc with your contact lenses also - the voice of bitter experience!!

DadOnIce Wed 06-Feb-13 16:38:56

"Sharing the house with animals" would be my contribution to those occasional threads you get on here with titles like "Stuff people seem to love which you just don't get." My children make enough mess. I never, ever, ever want animals in this house. Luckily, DW feels the same. (Neither of us had pets when growing up - that probably makes a difference.)

Naysa Wed 06-Feb-13 16:41:41

This may out me to people who were there, but it so has to go into this thread.

I used to do work experience in a boarding kennels - which is basically where you leave your dog when you go to work or on holiday-- and one week we had two Pointers in "Kennel 2". These two weren't handling the kennel situation very well and were both having liquid poo, and if we weren't fast enough getting them out and hosing the kennel down, they would lick it up.

That lunch time we were all in the staff room and someone was eating Chilli con carne. Everyone who watched him eat it felt sick and he had no idea why until someone pointed out, it looked like "kennel 2" grin

Moominlandmidwinter Wed 06-Feb-13 16:46:17

One of my earliest memories

Moominlandmidwinter Wed 06-Feb-13 16:48:07

Posted too soon!

One of my earliest memories is of the family cat shuffling across the kitchen floor on his bum as he had worms.


Toomuchtea Wed 06-Feb-13 17:06:12

Getorf, no, it's surprising but in all the loving descriptions of how to groom your pony one finds in pony books, cleaning a gelding's dick does not feature.

Boomerwang Wed 06-Feb-13 21:36:45

Moomin we called it 'carpet surfing' when the dogs did it smile

LangenFlugelHappleHoff Thu 07-Feb-13 09:31:11

Note to self - stop reading this thread while eating breakfast...

my smeg eggs just don't taste the same

melika Thu 07-Feb-13 10:43:16

I feel so grateful for my poor old mongrel dog, Bailey, he is wonderful. (but i do clear up poos for him)

MinesaBottle Thu 07-Feb-13 11:53:39

Before he was neutered, my parents' dog used to get very, er, excited while having a pooh. It was so horrible having to stand there waiting, plastic bag at the ready, hoping no one came past as he squatted there grunting and looking proud of himself while highly aroused <boaks>

Stinkyminkymoo Fri 08-Feb-13 09:01:22

This might out me (if anyone remembers!) but when I was about 10 or 11, we visited a friends house who had this enormous boxer dog.

He was incredibly randy and always had his 'lipstick' out. No bother, but pretty gross. When we went to play in the garden after lunch, this bloody dog took a shine to me and constantly mounted me. I managed to wriggle away most of the time but then it pinned me down and practically raped my leg.

I was mortified - especially as everyone was laughing. I'm afraid I've disliked boxers ever since!

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