To feel a little hurt

(54 Posts)
Mrsblackcar Mon 04-Feb-13 14:24:31

I had joined a thread called BFP 2013 in conception, thinking it was a place to discuss the fact that unbelievlibly i had just got a BFP on our first go!

2 posts after mine, i am very politely told this is a place for long term ttc. just felt like i should have known this when nothing in the thread tittle eludes to this.

I did read the first page of posts, but not all 9 and tried to be unsmug ad sympatheitc to those with a BFN (probubly didn't work)

I have avoided even looking in posts like TTC 10 months + because they just didn't apply to me, but this one i thought was a place to celebrate, now just feel sad.

I was ready for TTC to take forever my Mum had to wait 8 years with me so i am stunned to have hit it first go and still very unsure of whetehre it will all work out.

DoctorAnge Mon 04-Feb-13 14:27:15


I thought the ttc threads would have it in the title too so understand your confusion.

hiddenhome Mon 04-Feb-13 14:27:45

That's a shame. You must have stumbled upon some clique.

Congratulations anyway thanks

Bluemonkeyspots Mon 04-Feb-13 14:28:01

Yabu, the thread is for people looking for a bfp who have spent ages trying.

It's a bit crass to jump in and announce your own bfp in the first month of ttc.

It's also bad form to start another thread about the original thread.

kilmuir Mon 04-Feb-13 14:28:40

Congratulations. hope you can find a friendlier forum/thread

BuntyPenfold Mon 04-Feb-13 14:28:50

Big congratulations to you both.
How could you know what the thread was about, of course you were excited and just posted your news.
Don't be sad.

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 14:29:02

Congratulations on your great news, don't worry about it, some are naturally sensitive as they are finding I hard to conceive and have had mc or losses down t line

NotSoNervous Mon 04-Feb-13 14:30:38


At least it was mentioned to you politely. Have a look at the antenatal boards and there should be a group for the month your due that you can join or if you've found out really early then why don't you start one so others can join

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 14:30:42

By off the mark bluemonkey, op was not to know. No need to be rude. I hav been on thse treads as it took 2 years and several mc and finally a dc2

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 04-Feb-13 14:30:46

She didn't know Bluemonkeys.
Contratulations Mrsblackcar.grin

aldiwhore Mon 04-Feb-13 14:31:45

If you're new how can you be expected to know?

bluemonkeyspots the OP is not psychic I assume, why so prickly?

If you'd known YWBU, but you didn't, so anyone who was rude to you and didn't pause and think it may have been an innocent mistake is crass and showing bad form.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 14:32:00

Yes go on antenatal and start your own tread

aldiwhore Mon 04-Feb-13 14:33:19

I should add that, if everyone was polite, then YABU to start this thread.

Carrie37 Mon 04-Feb-13 14:33:21

YANBU but try not to let it spoil ur happiness. It took me 5 yrs to get my first BFP by that stage I was past being reasonable about anything. Shes nearly 13 now so I've got over it but at the time I prob wud have been annoyed with u. Thier prob not yours!! Have a brew.

The moral of the story is read the thread. Anyway you got your BFP so enjoy!

Jollyb Mon 04-Feb-13 14:34:53

Congratulations OP hope everything goes well for you. I echo what other posters have said - have a look in the antenatal club section.

CwtchesAndCuddles Mon 04-Feb-13 15:04:10

Congratulations on your BFP.

I do think it was obvious from the first page of posts that most of the posters had been TTC for a long time.

Just move on and forget about it.

HecateWhoopass Mon 04-Feb-13 15:09:38

It's a shame that you felt unwelcome, but my understanding of those threads is that they are not set up by those already pregnant, but are a support group for those trying to conceive?

It is, as others have said, considered really bad form to start a thread like this.

Although I can imagine it's actually really horrible to be basically - in however nice a way - told piss off, you're not welcome - when all you're looking for is a group to join.

fluffyraggies Mon 04-Feb-13 15:13:24

"I know it's hard but until you've got to that "we're trying but nothing's happening" stage as personified by this thread, I genuinely think you have no idea of the turmoil that those in that stage go through each time there's a(nother) announcement."

A quote from the first page of that (very long running) thread.

Congratulations anyway OP. You were told politely at least.

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 15:28:39

I don't think it was bad firm o just a bit miffed. I just looked at te tread everyone was nice op don't know why your hurt confused

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 15:30:06

Meant don't think it's bad form, op was a bit miffed

PicaK Mon 04-Feb-13 17:05:19

Congratulations. But really on any thread you do need to read all the pages as the discussions move on so quickly. I think they were incredibly polite and told you where you would get the best support.

There are some sad tales in the 9pp you didn't bother to read.

manticlimactic Mon 04-Feb-13 17:15:15

What's BF? (guess the P means positive?)

manticlimactic Mon 04-Feb-13 17:16:11

S'ok. I found it in the acronyms grin

nefertarii Mon 04-Feb-13 17:22:48

Tbh I have had a look and I think it was quite obvious.

But it wasn't to you and I get that. However I would recommend you read all posts before posting.
Also I would recommend reading the forum guidelines as starting a thread about a thread is bad form.

Yabu, imo, to be hurt by it. You made a mistake they were polite. Just accept it was a misunderstanding and move on.

PickleSarnie Mon 04-Feb-13 18:06:47

YABU. It was fairly obvious the general gist of the thread from the first few posts. Noone was anything polite and it certainly doesn't warrant starting your own thread to moan about the fact they weren't all jumping up and down with joy and excitement. Pretty much everyone gave their congrats, what more did you want?

SunshineOutdoors Mon 04-Feb-13 20:10:05

Mrsblackcar I'm one of the posters on that thread, and I'm sorry that you felt hurt. No one meant to make you feel like that and I'm sorry I can see one of my posts might have been a bit insensitive. It's difficult when posters have been chatting together for a long time, but you weren't to know that thread started off being called BFP in 2012. I don't think anybody was rude to you (except maybe me blush), but as well as congratulating you and pointing towards other threads, I think it would have been weird if we hadn't talked about how your post came across on the thread. There had recently been a few discussions about coping with other people's pregnancy announcements. No offence meant, and everyone on that thread is, imo, really nice.

Congratulations again on your pregnancy, it is such a special time smile

twinklestar2 Mon 04-Feb-13 20:15:00

MrsB - another poster from that thread. Sorry my post was abrupt, I was trying to post quickly during my lunchbreak so it was done very quickly. I could have been less rude.

Secondly, I have been ttc for 19 months so it upsets me when people get pregnant first month! Totally irrational I know but it hurts a lot sad

Genuinely wish you all the best in your pregnancy and didn't mean to take the shine off your news.

Congratulations smile

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Mon 04-Feb-13 20:22:29

mrsb I'm another one from the thread. Sorry if we took the shine off your bfp, this should be an amazing day for you. Have a happy pregnancy.

RedRobin1 Mon 04-Feb-13 20:29:43

Mrsb I started that thread and didnt think of adding much in the title as I have lost all hope of conceiving anytime soon. Was too down and low to put much of a description in.

Most of us on that thread have been hand holding each other through ttc and have been through a lot of emotional upheaval for the past year.

Terribly sorry for my rude post on that thread but I have just started cycle 10 of ttc and when your post about falling pregnant in the first month of ttc came out of the blue I struggled to be happy for you. Congratulations on your bfp. You are one of the lucky few to conceive straight away and I am very envy hope you have a healthy 9 months. Sorry to have upset you to start another thread. Didn't mean to.

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 20:36:28

Where is op? I wouldn't worry you guys, you were polite and not rude at all. I think op must be a bit hormonal wink. I used to frequent those treads when trying to conceive a dc2 after several mc and a couple f years later we got there and have a one year od ds

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 20:37:24

I conceived straught away with dd but ds took a long time boys eh

HumphreyCobbler Mon 04-Feb-13 20:40:29

you all sound lovely tbh, what nice messages to send to the OP on this thread

I thought they were very polite to you, especially given the sensitive circumstances. You're massively overreacting to be hurt. And if you're easily hurt then you're mad to post in AIBU!

I hope you can graciously accept the very generous apologies which have been posted on this thread by those on the TTC thread.

Wow - Sunshine, twinkle, hopeful, redrobin, you ladies from the other thread (which I have not read) are a classy bunch. What lovely posts. I hope OP returns to read them. thanks

twinklestar2 Mon 04-Feb-13 20:46:33

We are all lovely really and have been supporting each other through a difficult year of TTC :D

Best of luck to you all, and to the OP smile

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 21:22:46

Yes you all are lovely, miss the bus threads on conceiving section. I might see who's on the 2013 bus grin

RubyrooUK Mon 04-Feb-13 21:32:11

Sorry you felt hurt MrsB. But as you can see from the responses to this thread, nobody meant to hurt your feelings. Some people from the BFP 2013 thread have even come along to explain the reception you got.

If you post in pregnancy and so on, lots of people will be very excited for you. And the very very lovely thing about Mumsnet is that if you have any problems or worries in your pregnancy or future fertility problems, there is also lots of support here for you.

OneHandFlapping Mon 04-Feb-13 21:48:02

Well I'm sorry you got a telling off on this thread as well as the other one.The other one is understandable, and some of the people have come on here and been very nice.

Other people just think they're the thread police.

florry88 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:52:31

seems to me all concerned have explained they are happy, end of. why do others wade in with crass insensitivity?

Icelollycraving Mon 04-Feb-13 21:58:13

The ladies who have come on from that thread to post have shown,I don't know,such respect & care that I hope you can move on from the shine being taken off your good news. Congratulations thanks

ledkr Mon 04-Feb-13 22:17:03

Very lovely posts from the thread how nice of you all. I wish you all the best for successfully conceiving.

twinklestar2 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:48:23

Thx all for your best wishes smile

RedRobin1 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:49:31

Thanks everyone smile

Londonmrss Mon 04-Feb-13 22:54:29

Ah you lot from the original thread seem like a nice lot. I'm a bit nosy so popped on your ttc thread to see what the fuss was about (how does it feel to be famous?) and frankly I would have been supremely pissed off with the announcement from the poster of this thread- I'm sure its not what you want to hear and you could have been a lot less polite. However this poster obviously didn't mean to be insensitive. Does seem a bit ott to respond with an aibu.

Ladies, I really hope you get what you want very soon and congratulations to the poster of this thread.

MrsBlackcar Mon 04-Feb-13 23:29:54

Hi <very sheepishly>

I apologise for any annoyance felt, should have read the posts (think as well I got confused here)

Shouldn't have started a post here - though that ideally didn't know till today.

I also apologise for my crassness towards the people in that thread most were very nice and all were polite. I will add I have also apologised there as caused some drama there.

So lesson learned and will try and be more sensitive in my excitement

<runs off to change nickname for a fresh start>

ThreeWheelsGood Tue 05-Feb-13 00:31:06

There is a pregnancy board for people who have conceived. I thought it went without saying that the conception board is for people ttc. But anyhoo...

Congratulations OP!

ledkr Tue 05-Feb-13 07:16:44

Start or join a ante natal club thread. We are still all "friends" two years later and it was a great help during my pg.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Tue 05-Feb-13 07:43:16

Hi mrsB thanks for accepting our apology.

Congrats again. I remember my BFP when pregnant with dd, it's a great feeling. Hope you are still on cloud 9.

SunshineOutdoors Tue 05-Feb-13 07:45:58

Hi mrsb honestly don't worry about it. Now everyone's apologised and nobody meant to hurt anyone (I mean both you and people on the ttc thread). I'd just forget about it and enjoy your happy news smile

Don't be put off mumsnet, it's great for support.

resipsa Tue 05-Feb-13 07:51:45

So excited to have my post quoted on AIBU. Could I ask for higher acclaim?
But seriously, Mrsb, forget all this nonsense and enjoy your pregnancy, you lucky thing grin

Matildaduck Tue 05-Feb-13 08:01:43

You shouls have read the posts OP really very poor show.

Now your starting an AIBU about the ladies you upset....idiot!

RedRobin1 Tue 05-Feb-13 08:05:43

Congratulations mrsb no need to apologise - I don't think you had any bad intentions. Hope you have a lovely pregnancy smile

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