to think MIL walked me right in to it and im gonna strangle DP!

(61 Posts)
shutthebloodydoor Sat 02-Feb-13 23:44:05

Ive had a few power battles with my MIL, thinking that my house was hers as her son owed it, telling me her son dosnt like food the way i cook it, telling me she will be all ways number one in her boys life ect.. the usual crap. How ever i have felt sorry for her lately (prob due to my pregnant hormones!!) and tried to really make an effort with her. Anyway, dp was going to an late meeting around 7ish at a resturant in town, said would'nt be late. The shitty boiler had turned it os self off so i told him he better not as house was freezing!So i arranged to go for early tea with a friend. I asked MIL if she was going to a birthday party as i thought we both could go together for a while when i got back, she said she would let me know. (bonding) About 5 mins when i walked through door about 7.30 MIL came flying in and announsed that SIL had left her children on there own! (BIL works away) Kids 13,10. Sat down in chair saying that SIL was at party aroung corner and older sibling would be checking in on them. MIL was out raged and said she was not being used and watching them PLUS she was going to original birthday party with her best friend? (news to me as i actually asked her to go with me??) any way MIL proceeded to rant about SIL and saying things like ''u just wouldnt would u??' till in the end i said 'no, not with this one i wouldnt' and she replied ' right ill go get them shall i? i knew u wouldnt mind! '' SO MIL brings very greived kids to my house ( they are lovely by the way) as they feel they are old enough to look after them selfs! And tells them she has only done this because she loves them and would never leave them on there own?! I phone DP to tell him kids are here to which he replies i wont be long and he will bring them supper..........SO i have kids that are STARVING as no food in house, MIL sending me texts saying cheers she owes me one and now DP 's phone is off, house is freezing and really fucking tired! Kids are starting to fart about as bord/hungry! PFFTTTTTTTTTTTT!

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 02-Feb-13 23:46:17

YABU to not use paragraphs. I can't really make out the rest tbh.

ripsishere Sat 02-Feb-13 23:47:14

confused I'm afraid.

AgentZigzag Sat 02-Feb-13 23:49:41

I'm not sure what she's like is the norm, but yes, she got you good and proper grin

It's bonding remember? grin

Just keep it in mind that she owes you, big time.

JollyRedGiant Sat 02-Feb-13 23:50:26

Eh?

Mil is upset because sil went out leaving kids by themselves. So rather than look after the kids herself mil brought them round to you?

You have no heating, no food and your dp has gone awol leaving you looking after his sister's children.

It is a bit late for the children to be still up.

AgentZigzag Sat 02-Feb-13 23:51:07

I think the OPs writing makes sense because my head's working on the same level at the min grin

katiecubs Sat 02-Feb-13 23:52:11

Call SIL and tell her to get her kids?!

WorraLiberty Sat 02-Feb-13 23:52:34

Ive had a few power battles with my MIL, thinking that my house was hers as her son owed it, telling me her son dosnt like food the way i cook it, telling me she will be all ways number one in her boys life ect.. the usual crap. How ever i have felt sorry for her lately (prob due to my pregnant hormones!!) and tried to really make an effort with her.

Anyway, dp was going to an late meeting around 7ish at a resturant in town, said would'nt be late. The shitty boiler had turned it os self off so i told him he better not as house was freezing!So i arranged to go for early tea with a friend. I asked MIL if she was going to a birthday party as i thought we both could go together for a while when i got back, she said she would let me know. (bonding) About 5 mins when i walked through door about 7.30 MIL came flying in and announsed that SIL had left her children on there own! (BIL works away) Kids 13,10. Sat down in chair saying that SIL was at party aroung corner and older sibling would be checking in on them.

MIL was out raged and said she was not being used and watching them PLUS she was going to original birthday party with her best friend? (news to me as i actually asked her to go with me??) any way MIL proceeded to rant about SIL and saying things like ''u just wouldnt would u??' till in the end i said 'no, not with this one i wouldnt' and she replied ' right ill go get them shall i? i knew u wouldnt mind! '' SO MIL brings very greived kids to my house ( they are lovely by the way) as they feel they are old enough to look after them selfs! And tells them she has only done this because she loves them and would never leave them on there own?!

I phone DP to tell him kids are here to which he replies i wont be long and he will bring them supper..........SO i have kids that are STARVING as no food in house, MIL sending me texts saying cheers she owes me one and now DP 's phone is off, house is freezing and really fucking tired! Kids are starting to fart about as bord/hungry! PFFTTTTTTTTTTTT!

ThreeWheelsGood Sat 02-Feb-13 23:53:20

Yabu, your post is incoherent.

Permanentlyexhausted Sat 02-Feb-13 23:54:28

I don't get why you're upset with your DP. confused

WorraLiberty Sat 02-Feb-13 23:55:29

OK I've read it now.

Why did you allow your MIL to leave the kids with you if it doesn't suit you?

And why can't you turn the boiler back on yourself?

AgentZigzag Sat 02-Feb-13 23:56:22

I can't believe how similar your problem is to the OPs, worra shock

<head more fucked than previously thought>

shutthebloodydoor Sat 02-Feb-13 23:57:56

jolly its a bit late for ME to be up too! they are waiting for there supper and keep asking where there bloody DP is! Im going to lock him out and send every one to bed!

I get annoyed with DP as his phone is off at almost misnight and he was supposed to be bringing the DC some food. I get pissed off at MIL because she bulldozed you into this. What i don't get is why you didn't say to MIL, "I have no food and no heat, of course the DC can't some here".

I think SIL is going to be pretty pissed off too.

ripsishere Sat 02-Feb-13 23:59:22

Can you order a take away to be delivered?

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 02-Feb-13 23:59:29

grin Agent

It's like English homework. I'm going to have a try to.

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 00:04:40

Im mad at Dp as he said he wouldnt be late, he knew heatting was off, its the pressure and i'll prob blow house up knowing me! He was aware kids were here, the heating was off, they were hungry and he said he would'nt be long. he has just called and said he would be half an hour.
I wish i did say to MIL no but i was stunned and a bit of a mard arse with her ( i have to build my self up, she is quite scary)
The kids are great and i feel like a witch, the eldest is a love and was very embarrased and said' he didnt want to put me out'. Im just mad at those MIL and DP

AgentZigzag Sun 03-Feb-13 00:07:23

Could your DH pick up takeaway/chips on his way back?

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 00:07:31

ha ha i know my grammer is REALLY bad sorry guys! SIL did phone me and was upset, her and MIL have been in an 18 year battle!
I genuinley thought DP would be like an hour or so! other wise i would have said no.

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Feb-13 00:08:55

Ziggers! grin

OP, it sounds as though you just need to fiddle for the tap on top of the boiler and turn it on...then watch the needle go up a couple of bars and turn it off again.

That's very basic and you should learn how to do it instead of relying on someone else.

Can't you make the kids a sandwich or a few slices of toast?

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 00:09:22

agent apparently he is.. he phoned a few mins ago...sheepish.

Monty27 Sun 03-Feb-13 00:10:43

You've been had OP.

AgentZigzag Sun 03-Feb-13 00:12:11

Oooh, what's he getting shutthe?

AgentZigzag Sun 03-Feb-13 00:12:41

And sheepish is a good start.

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 00:13:31

worral ur right im going to!

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 00:14:30

I'd have refused to have the kids in your house as there is no heating. If MIL wants to look after them she can babysit at their house or take them to hers, why lump you with them in a cold house? If you aren't married SIL isn't really SIL anyway or MIL a relative either.
I'm antisocial and wouldn't be having my MIL round for social chit chats if my husband isn't in though.
It's your home, you don't have to let people in if you don't want to.
SIL and MIL sound like the villains here not your partner. They aren't his kids and he didn't tell his mum to drag them round to your house.
If you are pregnant, unmarried and living in a house that isn't partly in your name then that is more of a potential problem than all this other stuff. Get your name on the deeds/ lease and stop letting people push you around and stop letting people in.

Permanentlyexhausted Sun 03-Feb-13 00:15:19

Agree with Worra - you need to learn how to do this stuff yourself.

AgentZigzag Sun 03-Feb-13 01:18:54

But why keep a dog and bark yourself Perma?

I haven't got enough room in my head to start clogging it up with random shite like how to kick start the boiler into life.

But I'd probably have a go if I was stuck and it was worth the risk of me blowing up the house in the process.

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 01:27:23

Agent .. I have just been shown, I had accidently switched it off putting the ironing board away....lol in bed sulking now and MIL is apparently going to get told off in the morning by DP!

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 01:29:09

P.s I also did 'have a go' this afternoon but it started hissing, so made a hasty retreat.

It's supposed to hiss when you thingermawotsit the pressure! grin

apostropheuse Sun 03-Feb-13 02:10:14

When the pressure drops and you turn the tap to increase the pressure it releases water into the boiler. That's the "hissing" noise you hear. grin

LoopsInHoops Sun 03-Feb-13 02:14:10

1. Sort the boiler out yourself.
2. Go out and get food if you need it.
3. Say no when you can't help out.

PurplePidjin Sun 03-Feb-13 04:47:53

Why didn't you go to SILs house, which is presumably heated, and feed her children on her food? Since when was a 13yo incapable of making a bit of toast anyway?

Mil was manipulative but surely you, with no plans, were the best person to step in. I'd be mad at sil for not making proper arrangements, tbh, then mil for interfering!

CheerfulYank Sun 03-Feb-13 05:05:45

I'd be irritated too OP.

Fwiw I don't know why a 13 and 10 year old can't watch themselves if they're responsible....I'd be livid if I were SIL and my mother in law overstepped like that and took my DC from my home.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Feb-13 07:17:49

Call me obvious - why didnt you send the kids back home after MIL had gone? That seems the logical thing to so

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 08:25:18

Agree that at 11pm the 2 kids should have been in bed anyway and MIL should just have sat at SIL's if she was worried about them. It's unclear what she was doing round there anyway though and if an older sib (? older than 13) was popping in it all sounds an unnecessary fuss over nothing. I'd have just refused to let MIL in, told her her son was out and I was having an early night and gone to bed.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 03-Feb-13 08:35:35

Yes to being able to manage your own central heating and boiler, it's daft to be that clueless.
If they were cold and bored, why not hats and gloves, duvets downstairs to watch TV/DVD wrapped up and then bed.
Why didn't you order take away pizza? How come no food in the house? My mother used to do that, it's not hard to have pasta and a jar of sauce on a shelf, or several emergency tins of food.
Yes, MIL landed them on you, but she did ask instead of just turning up with them.
You need to get your act together.

DontmindifIdo Sun 03-Feb-13 08:45:43

I think you've got a selection of issues you need to address, I'd start with 1) you need to learn how to use the boiler, and generally maintain the basics round the house.

2) it is your DP's house not yours if he bought it, you aren't on the deeds and you aren't married - she might be pointing it out to be a cow, but she's actually doing you a favour, remember, if anything happens to your DP, in absence of a will your MIL would now be your landlord. As you are pregnant, you owe it to your DC to either get married or get the legal paperwork done to put you in a secure position if the worse happens - it's not just that he might chose to leave you, he might get hit by a drunk driver etc.

3) you know your MIL is a nightmare, stop trying with her, she doesn't seem to want to put any effort it. Be polite but give up on the idea she's somehow going to ever be your friend, she never will be. You should have called your SIL straight away and told her what happened. And it's ok to just say "no" to your MIL. Sounds like someone needs to.

(BTW - the answer to "I'm the number one woman in DH's life" crap from your MIL is "normally it's the woman a man's shagging that's considered the number one woman in his life.")

CheerfulYank Sun 03-Feb-13 09:00:26

I have no idea how our furnace operates, this thread has just made me realize. blush

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 09:06:35

We keep the manual next to ours so if the pilot light goes out etc either of us can look up what to do.

BrianButterfield Sun 03-Feb-13 09:22:23

I don't know why people are getting snippy because the op didn't have any food for herself and two unexpected teenagers when she was meant to be going out for tea! I realise in MN world we should all think about every single possible contingency and plan accordingly but I don't live my life just in case someone might dump two kids on me at any moment.

McNewPants2013 Sun 03-Feb-13 10:05:17

I don't belive someone hasn't got anything in freezer, fridge and cupboards unless they live in pure poverty.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 03-Feb-13 10:30:51

My mother regularly had no food in the house because she couldn't get her act together when there was just the two of us at home, so I used to food stash.
Likewise I always have an emergency £20, tinned and dried food for a couple of days, and two big bottles of water under the stairs in a stash. Plus a few other bits and bobs.
Seriously, what parent has nothing as an emergency back up? What if you were too ill to get out, or there was a mains water catastrophe and no water for a day?
Failing that, take away or take everyone back to SIL house and eat her food and use her heating.

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 10:33:32

If I had no food and no heating I would refuse to have these teenagers though. There was no sensible reason why the OP should have had them in her house. If her partner's mother is worried about them then her partner's mother looks after them. I would have refused to get involved at all as i wouldn't have wanted an argument with their mother about me kidnapping her kids. This was for the possible future MIL and her daughter/DIL to sort out.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 03-Feb-13 11:39:43

I too am puzzled how a house can be so bare of food that there's absolutely nothing to eat. Beans? Bread? Eggs? Cereal? Frozen pizza? There's always something, and why not nip to the shop?

OP is pregnant. She doesn't currently have DC. My house used to be bare of anything but condiments before I had DD. Now, I could feed the whole street for a month. Come on the zombie apocalypse.

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 22:10:05

thanks mrsterry the stick waving judgers are coming out lol.

mrskeith Of course i had bread in but no butter , cereals but tiny bit of milk ect i was expecting company and i did eat out for tea! As its just me and Dp at the moment we have the luxury of being lazy gets and eating out of ordering in OR waiting till sunday till be do our weekly shop- which i was very responsible and i bought of the farmers market too! get me real grown up!!

thenebulous u clearly need to read the before posts hun, baby not here yet.... we dont live in poverty either ! sorry that u did...i also told how i had accidently knocked switch off by accident .AND sometimes i lie in bed ALL saturday and dont even tidy the house - how irrisponsible is that!! wink

I spoke to twatty Dp who said he wouldnt be long remember and he said he would bring food back thats why i didnt order in, other wise i would have phoned one.

Of course the kids were wrapped in in my new wooley throw overs and watched shite films, we were defo not huddled around a candle in dark, freezing, reading charles dickins [grin}

2rebecca ur dam right about MIL having them her self, i was just that shocked she had the bloody cheek (and im a tad scared of her) i didnt tell her to feck off - plus kids are great and I would NEVER make them feel bad.

brian one day when im a big girl hopefully i will be as wise as some of these posters on here who are fantastic in every single way...of wait was that mary poppins......spit spot! wink

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 04-Feb-13 01:43:57

'thenebulous u clearly need to read the before posts hun, baby not here yet.... we dont live in poverty either ! sorry that u did...i also told how i had accidently knocked switch off by accident .AND sometimes i lie in bed ALL saturday and dont even tidy the house - how irrisponsible is that!!

We didn't live in poverty, I had a mother who regularly couldn't get her act together and remember to have food in the house.
Your boiler didn't turn itself off, you did.
If the children were wrapped up in woolly throws and you are accustomed to ordering takeaways for you and OH, then why were they cold and starving in your first post?
I don't understand the bit about lying in bed or tidying up, how is that relevant?
I often do the same thing now my children are adults.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 04-Feb-13 01:45:42

I still think YABU to fuss about something you could have sorted out easily with a phone call, and a check of why the heating was off. Would have taken you less time than posting here.

2rebecca Mon 04-Feb-13 09:12:03

If I was concerned about a 10 and 13 year old being in the house unaccompanied at night I wouldn't take them to my house if no heating and nowhere for them to sleep but would have gone and babysat at their house until their mother returned (actually in this case i wouldn't as I wouldn't be getting into a fight with my partner's sister about how she cares for her kids and would have left the MIL to babysit if she was so concerned). These kids should have been in bed with a responsible adult supervising the house, not dragged round the country to watch late night videos. I could understand this post if it was 7pm, but at midnight it's mad.
Keeping kids up in the cold watching dvds isn't being kind. I'd have told MIL to return them to their beds and babysit them if she wasn't happy leaving them.

shutthebloodydoor Mon 04-Feb-13 10:09:25

nebulous im not your mother, i dont have any children..yet and when i do im sure my cubards will be bountyful!
I know i turned the boiler off myself...i wrote that i did...i just wasnt aware at the time....
If u read my other posts u will see i have repeatedly said that i would have ordered take away but i was expecting DP to walk through the door shortly with it instead.
The lying in bed bit was me just taking the piss as u are clearly perfect at EVERYTHING, well prepared like a brownie and very responsible!
To be honest its all sorted now any way, lots of foot rubs and chocolate.
Its wasnt a big deal, just me being 7 months pregnant hormonal and moody and having a rant as do EVERY ONE who posts on AIBU but as usual u get the odd one picking holes, not reading the posts properly and being judgy as clearly u are an old fart!
I STATE ONCE AGAIN I DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN --you seem to be having a hard time processing that hun.
Maybe next time i post i could PM u on it to see if its suitable to post on??? x

shutthebloodydoor Mon 04-Feb-13 10:19:15

2rebecca
I didnt bring them- MIL did.
DP was supposed to be back shortly - it was snowing out side, there was no hardship
I did speak to SIL, she rang me embarrased at what MIL did. I agreed with her.
[across the country] WTF its 2 streets down- see what happens when u read the lines....
IF you read my posts they came at around half seven.
Yes i should have told her to watch them at their house her self- which ive said already.
jesus u two need to stop stop making things up or reading between posts OR actually start even reading op's or are u both just bashing away at the keybord with your hoofs??wink

shutthebloodydoor Mon 04-Feb-13 10:19:59

JESUS i meant it WASNT snowing outside!!!!!!!! please dont call SS!!

MrsKeithRichards Mon 04-Feb-13 13:10:20

Oh dear.

annh Mon 04-Feb-13 13:25:13

What a load of fuss. If the 13 and 10 year old had been left home alone, presumably they had food in their house? Why didn't MIL bring it with them. Or if they are only a few streets away why didn't you all walk back to get it? Given that you said you have no children at home yourself, why didn't you go out and get them some food? And when DPs phone was turned off I would have given up waiting and just ordered in take-away.

I also can't believe that you had NO food in the house, not even baked beans, bananas, oven chips, soup - seriously, nothing at all to eat?

degutastic Mon 04-Feb-13 13:34:31

I was totally understanding the OP's situation - we often have no food in as no kids and the only people to suffer by our laziness lack of organisation are us... Until you started knocking Dickens. I mean, really hmm I'd have been making them read Shakespeare anyway grin

shutthebloodydoor Mon 04-Feb-13 15:28:58

ha ha degut i wonder if the kind people on here who seem to have food in all the time would do me a emergency food basket incase it happens again??
There would have been no way on this gods green earth the kids would have walked any where knowing there uncle was 'supposedly' bringing a take away back - i think it was a donner kabab and fries. ( i stomped off to bed to sulk)

omg did i just confess to feeding them donner and chips??
eagerly awaiting the cries of ''burn the witch!!''

2rebecca Mon 04-Feb-13 15:38:42

If the kids arrived at 7.30 though why hadn't they already eaten? I presume their mum had left them with food. If they're only round the corner and the OP agreed to babysit them (which she did by agreeing for her partner's mum to bring them round to her house) then why not walk them back to their house where there is warmth and food, feed them and send them to bed and stay there until partner or his sister return from their evening out.
As the OP was planning to go to a party anyway I don't see why she didn't just tell her partner's mum she was going out when she tried to make her babysit the kids. If the mum wants to fight her daughter over childcare arrangements leave her to it. Not the OP's problem, not the OP's family even as the woman keeps telling her by implying the house isn't even hers as she isn't married.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 04-Feb-13 19:01:34

Good luck with the parenting then, I think it's going to come as a shock. grin

shutthebloodydoor Mon 04-Feb-13 20:30:56

wooohoooooo hold on tight its gonna be a bumpy ride !plus i can breast feed for first 4years so wont even have to buy shopping then! grin
2reb ur mn name should really be wentoffonmyowntangentnowttodowithOP

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