to think bringing an 18 month old to an evening baby shower

(60 Posts)
FutTheShuckUp Fri 01-Feb-13 21:46:15

Is not on and also smacks of not wanting anyone to get more attention than your little darling?
This person wants to bring her child to every event going no matter how unsuitable and it just smacks of attention seeking. AIBU

iloveeverton Fri 01-Feb-13 21:49:03

YABU a baby shower is not going to be a piss up.

What is with people wanting to exclude kids from everything.

Xmasbaby11 Fri 01-Feb-13 21:49:14

YANBU - 18 month olds should be in bed in the evening. Poor baby!

Sirzy Fri 01-Feb-13 21:50:25

Had she asked the person who was hosting it first?

as long as she had and didn't let the child run riot whats the problem? If an 18 month old gets tired they can sleep in a pram, or on a seat, or in someones bed.

gordyslovesheep Fri 01-Feb-13 21:50:28

I am very excited to see another Evertonian !

anyway I think YABU and a bit odd - it's a baby shower not a hen weekend in Blackpool

FutTheShuckUp Fri 01-Feb-13 21:51:54

Wtf everton?
What is the need to include kids in utterly EVERYTHING? Especially when its a chance to indulge the mum to be, not an opportunity for you to showcase Tarquin and his wonderfulness yet again and fill the evening with self centred conversation like 'when I was pregnant..when I was in labour' ffs it irritates me

FutTheShuckUp Fri 01-Feb-13 21:53:10

Im not sure why its odd to think babies shouldnt be included in grown ups evening events but thats the contrary way of AIBU I guess...

gordyslovesheep Fri 01-Feb-13 21:54:18

you sound like such a good friend - don't worry about a child stealing your the limelight I am sure your sunny personality will make everyone feel relaxed and it will be fun fun fun grin

HollyBerryBush Fri 01-Feb-13 21:54:51

First of all I dont see the point of baby showers . grabby, grasping

Secondly I dont see the point of dragging babies/toddles/children everythere with you anyway.

So it all sounds like an utterly revolting evening all round TBH

webwiz Fri 01-Feb-13 21:55:00

What happens at a baby shower then? (they weren't invented in my day) I would presume there would be a lot of talk about when people were pregnant and when they were in labour.

Xmasbaby11 Fri 01-Feb-13 21:55:08

Unless the mother has no choice, it seems selfish to bring the baby along at a time he should be in bed. And if he's asleep, why bring him in the first place?

I agree it's for the mum to be, so it should be cleared with her.

FutTheShuckUp Fri 01-Feb-13 21:55:46

Nice try- not my baby shower

FutTheShuckUp Fri 01-Feb-13 21:57:01

Hollyberry thats exactly how I feel. But that makes me odd and a shit friend seemingly [shrug]

TuftyFinch Fri 01-Feb-13 21:59:46

Having am evening to celebrate the arrival of one friend's baby but excluding other friend's existing baby is a little bit ironic.

Peacocklady Fri 01-Feb-13 22:02:14

Wouldn't bother me, I love kids.

FlorriesDragons Fri 01-Feb-13 22:04:20

YANBU, children belong in bed of an evening.

Adult time is sacred. grin

pigletmania Fri 01-Feb-13 22:04:25

I agree Tuftyfinch bit stupid to exclude a child from an event celebrating the upcoming arrival of a friends baby

DonderandBlitzen Fri 01-Feb-13 22:04:38

If she is on her own then maybe she doesn't have anyone she can leave the child with. If the child's dad is at home then yes i think it would have been better to leave the child at home.

OddBoots Fri 01-Feb-13 22:06:01

I really couldn't work out how you would finish the title of your thread before I opened it. Baby showers are such a new thing here that I'm not sure there are particular rules for them.

N0tinmylife Fri 01-Feb-13 22:06:15

YABU, maybe she just likes taking her DC with her. Did he ruin the evening? How?

claraschu Fri 01-Feb-13 22:16:22

Babies don't need to sleep at certain times. Not all parents believe in the importance of routine and scheduling. If babies want to sleep, they just go to sleep where ever they are (if they have been brought up this way).

The problem isn't the baby's presence, but the mother turning him into a centre of attention. Not all babies and mothers do this.

Maybe the problem is that the mother is annoying, or maybe the problem is that you don't really like babies. It's hard to tell.

ThedementedPenguin Fri 01-Feb-13 22:18:03

YABRU (really unreasonable)

ThedementedPenguin Fri 01-Feb-13 22:18:49

Oh one more thing do you have kids op?

FeckOffCup Fri 01-Feb-13 22:45:33

So what type of baby shower was it, I've been to 2, the first was very baby orientated, there were babies/toddlers there and it was stuff like guess the pending arrival's weight/length, tea and cakes. The second was adult orientated, there was wine for the non upduffed and games were pinning sperm on eggs etc. The first one would be fine for a toddler to be there, the second maybe not so appropriate but it wouldn't bother me as such, I don't know if the toddler's mum deliberately brought him to attention seek, maybe she just wanted to go and had no childcare?

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 01-Feb-13 23:03:05


Baby showers ( if you like that sort of thing) and things like that are fairly acceptable things to find children at. Unless any invite says " no kids"

Lyrasilvertongued Fri 01-Feb-13 23:41:28

I actually think some baby showers can be a nice opportunity for people to catch up with the mother to be before baby comes on the scene as well as celebrating the arrival of the baby. I also agree that it depends on the nature of the baby shower itself as to whether other babies are suitable/welcome. I also don't understand the attitudes that babies should come to every social event mothers are invited to. People are perfectly entitled to choose to have a party/outing without children if they choose, and mum's entitled to choose whether to attend on that basis.

Dominodonkey Fri 01-Feb-13 23:54:45

YANBU - I have only been to two but the whole atmosphere was about spoiling the mum to be and having lots of girlie games. It wouldn't occur to me that any children would be there.

Nanny0gg Sat 02-Feb-13 00:01:42

Surely if babies and toddlers were wanted there, it would be an afternoon shower?

An 18th month old will become crabby and not much fun when overtired and should be at home in bed.

Why do people need to drag their children everywhere with them?

ApocalypseThen Sat 02-Feb-13 07:22:15

Indeed. You don't need children at an evening party, drinks night in a casino...

I have observed the possibly totally untrue tendency for the everywhere kids to be on the worse end of the scale of behaviour.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Sat 02-Feb-13 07:42:02

Maybe the baby is going instead of the mother. Baby showers are,in my opinion,a bit shit. I've been to a few and now when I get invited to one,I'm magically busy.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Sat 02-Feb-13 07:47:43

Although there's a sick side of me that thinks its funny to bring a toddler (and thus toddler tantrums and finickiness) to a baby shower when mum to be is probably concentrating on a cute sleepy newborn.

Smudging Sat 02-Feb-13 08:05:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alligatorpie Sat 02-Feb-13 09:13:05

I have been to loads of baby showers ( am Canadian) and it would be very strange to exclude children. They are hardly a chance for piss up!
It sounds like you dont like the mom and you would have a problem with her bringing her child anywhere.

TheFallenNinja Sat 02-Feb-13 09:20:42

I thought that a baby shower was a piss up (the ones I've heard about were) and certainly no place for a child.

I certainly wouldn't take DD to one, or any other non child event. DP went to one recently and had a grand time, I stayed home and did the bedtime routine and had a grand time, mega important for DP to get out and clock off being a mum from time to time.

13Iggis Sat 02-Feb-13 09:29:56

They are being unreasonable in having a baby shower.
You are not being very nice.
Friend is a bit U for bringing child but we have no idea what her reasons were.

13Iggis Sat 02-Feb-13 09:32:03

I remember the baby shower scene in Sex and the City. Didn't Miranda drop someone's toddler? (It was her shower). Always thought that's what I'd be like if pg.

mrsbunnylove Sat 02-Feb-13 09:40:22

a mother and baby are a single unit. at eighteen months i would expect a baby to be breastfed and not to be separated from his or her mother. if you invite the mother, expect the baby to come along, too.

birdofthenorth Sat 02-Feb-13 09:41:20

I have on several occasions had to take DD (now 2.5) to evening stuff because DH works away and there are a limited number of people I can ask to babysit.

MrsDeVere Sat 02-Feb-13 09:42:39

It depends.
If its a mad, shrieking, hen party style at 8pm...bit weird to take child
If its an afternoon, gentle, cakes and tea at 3pm...bit weird to exclude.

Also regardless of if she is being unreasonable, you are bing unreasonable to accuse her of taking her child for those reasons.

It's a bit mean. Maybe she doesn't like leaving her child? A bit wet maybe but it takes someone really nasty to want everyone to ignore a pregnant women and only notice their child.
Who does that?

Nanny0gg Sat 02-Feb-13 09:44:07

That's fine if the hosts are happy with that arrangement. The alternative, obviously, is to decline and miss out on some things, if they're not.
It's the assumption that it's okay that I don't get.

MoppingMummy Sat 02-Feb-13 09:45:39

I wouldn't take an 18 month old to an evening baby shower. Yanbu.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 02-Feb-13 09:45:39

Sorry back to answer some of your queries- to the poster who asked me if I have kids yes I do. But im happy to attend evening/adult events without them. If I have no childcare I dont go. I think my kids are the cutest wittiest and best things since sliced bread but also acknowledge they are not to everyone else under the sun.
The baby shower was an evening gathering at a pub. The 'baby' isnt and never has been breastfed and the mother has no qualms leaving him with grandparents for her husband and her to go away on weekends together.
I dont dislike this woman but it irritates me she feels her child is the centre of the universe and ought to attend every event as people will be so thrilled to see him regardless of the suitability of the event and venue.

EuroShagmore Sat 02-Feb-13 09:46:15

I've been to one baby shower and it was a child friendly environment (although as we did it after work for someone who was going on mat leave, no one had their kids with them). I thought children at a baby shower was normal?

I don't like the idea of baby showers but surely they should be child-friendly occasions. What next, child-free christenings?

MammaTJ Sat 02-Feb-13 09:46:28

Is she a single parent? In which case it might be take the baby or not go.

SminkoPinko Sat 02-Feb-13 09:49:21

lol@ "it all sounds like an utterly revolting evening all round", Holly!

Totally agree.

taketheribbon Sat 02-Feb-13 09:49:51

What EuroShagmore said.


FeckOffCup Sat 02-Feb-13 09:54:57

a mother and baby are a single unit. at eighteen months i would expect a baby to be breastfed and not to be separated from his or her mother.

At 18 months, really? At 18 weeks I could see it but I think I would have gone insane after 18 months of being a "single unit" with my child and no baby free time at all. An 18 month old is unlikely to be exclusively breast fed, I can't see an issue with leaving them with someone else for a few hours.

WhichIsBest Sat 02-Feb-13 09:56:32

You obviously just plain don't like the woman.

katiecubs Sat 02-Feb-13 10:09:10

bunnylove you would 'expect' a baby to be breasted at 18 months?! Why?! What a horribly patronising and judgemental thing to say.

Even if they still are, and this would be the minority, surely they would be able to go a few hours without a feed FFS.

Dominodonkey Sat 02-Feb-13 11:08:31

Those who are talking about new borns. I thought baby showers were always before the birth.
They are unnecessary - we only has one for my friend because her mum had died that year and we wanted to show our support.

bunny love I can never work out whether you are serious or not.

Nanny0gg Sat 02-Feb-13 11:44:22

You know, Baby showers are optional, you neither have to have one or go to one.
But they can be great fun. It can be an 'excuse' for a group of friends and family to get together and they can be as big or as small as you like.

Just please, for these and any other events, think of the time and place, and don't automatically think that every 'do' has to be attended by your precious infant.

Sometimes, you just have to miss out.

WorriedMummy73 Sat 02-Feb-13 11:59:54

The baby shower was an evening gathering at a pub.

Excuse me, but what? That's not a baby shower! That's a piss-up at the pub. I have a lot of American friends who would be appalled at how we've pinched their idea of a friend's get together to celebrate the imminent birth of one of the group, usually with lunch and maybe a bit of champagne, and turned into yet another British 'let's go on the lash' scenario. One of my best friends (yes, American) had a mini shower, at her house, in the daytime, kids invited, she made cakes, we had coffee, shared stories and laughs of labour and motherhood. An evening gathering at a pub is NOT a baby shower, however you paint it. And yes, YABU, especially as it's not YOUR 'baby shower' (snorts) so who are you to comment on whether another guest brings their 18 month old.

Having said that, who the eff wants to take their 18 month old to the pub in the evening anyway?

pigletmania Sat 02-Feb-13 13:03:31

I know tat is not a baby shower but a booze up, you don't go into a pub to drink coke and orange juice

If she's spoken to the host beforehand then it's fine, if not then a bit of an imposition.

I don't get the obsession with needing one person to have all the attention at an event. Surely grown ups can take turns showing an interest in each other, or in each other's kids.

DonderandBlitzen Sat 02-Feb-13 13:37:17

The host probably chose to have her baby shower at the pub in the evening because she thought "Surely if i have it at the pub in the evening then people will realise it is supposed to be child free."

TomDudgeon Sat 02-Feb-13 13:48:35

Why the hell would would you have a hen night style baby shower
Oh yes let's all get pissed even though the person it's all for cant

WhatsTheBuzz Sat 02-Feb-13 15:22:12

absolutely, we should never take our children anywhere lest they hog all the limelight.........

WhatsTheBuzz Sat 02-Feb-13 15:28:12

jesus, you might want to let whoever's baby shower this is, know that once her baby is here, she needn't expect any invites to anything if she's planning on bringing him/her.

SconeRhymesWithGone Sat 02-Feb-13 15:48:30

A baby shower in a pub? Wow, the baby shower institution has enjoyed quite a transmutation in its move across the Atlantic.

MusicalEndorphins Sat 02-Feb-13 17:17:17

That doesn't sound like any baby shower I have been at, in a pub at night. hmm
More of a head wetting I'd say.
And yes, she is very unreasonable to her 18 month old out to a pub at night.
But if it was a traditional baby shower, (usually held in the daytime), it would be totally normal to bring small children and babies along.

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