AIBU to think that my dd should be able to walk alone without being followed/hassled?

(38 Posts)
singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 16:39:42

Dd is in 6th form, is beautiful and petite, usually wears jeans/leggings but seems to be constantly whistled at/bothered/harrassed. Have reported today's latest incident to local police, as she was being followed by a 'man in a white van.'
Apparently, he kept pulling in beside her, then when she sped up, drove slightly behind her, pulled in again. This went on for about 6 minutes and she was quite scared.
Luckily, another woman noticed the van following her, crossed the road and walked with her until the van drove off.
We are now waiting for the police to contact us for a statement and dd has said that this time she felt really scared. She said she is fed up with the attention and just wants to walk in pease. It's not too much to ask, surely?

CailinDana Fri 01-Feb-13 16:41:09

YANBU of course, poor thing. Did she manage to get the number plate of the van?

pictish Fri 01-Feb-13 16:43:08

God almighty.
What is with men who behave like that???
Dreadful.
Yanbu.

thebody Fri 01-Feb-13 16:43:10

Definatly not. Poor kid. Hope she managed to get licence plate.

Tell her to never walk too near the pavement and what about some self defence classes to boost her confidence in situations like this.

What a vile pig of a man.

ApocalypseThen Fri 01-Feb-13 16:43:40

It seems it is too much to ask, unfortunately. Shouldn't be, if course.

singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 16:44:32

No, unfortunately not, as she was too scared and was using her 'phone to talk to a friend as she was so 'freaked out'!

singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 16:47:40

Self-defence classes are a good idea, we will look into that. Dd has even had comments/looks when with me and it is very disconcernting.

simplesusan Fri 01-Feb-13 16:47:42

YANBU.

Just as an aside, if at all possible, tell her to walk facing oncoming traffic in future.

singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 16:48:54

Another good idea, simplesusan. Thank you.

CailinDana Fri 01-Feb-13 16:49:25

While the suggestions of self defence classes and walking facing traffic are sensible it makes me so angry to think that we're sitting here advising a lovely young woman on how to change her behaviour so she can walk down the road in peace. FFS!! What a fucking shit world we live in.

KenLeeeeeee Fri 01-Feb-13 16:52:37

While the suggestions of self defence classes and walking facing traffic are sensible it makes me so angry to think that we're sitting here advising a lovely young woman on how to change her behaviour so she can walk down the road in peace. FFS!! What a fucking shit world we live in.

This. Am so sad and angry for your DD.

CatelynStark Fri 01-Feb-13 16:54:54

Your poor daughter! This kind of entitled behaviour from fuckwit males makes me bloody furious!

While I'm really pleased that she got support from a passer by, it's disgraceful that some men think that it's ok for them to do this. I really hope she can give a good description of him and the van and the police go round and put the fear of God into him. The wanker!! angry

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Fri 01-Feb-13 17:01:23

YANBU

Completely agree with Cailin. We should be adopting a zero tolerance towards this sort of behaviour not advising women on how to alter their's.

simplesusan Fri 01-Feb-13 17:01:35

YANBU.

Just as an aside, if at all possible, tell her to walk facing oncoming traffic in future.

Theicingontop Fri 01-Feb-13 17:03:58

YADNBU. What a vile thing to happen. And what a lovely thing for that woman to do.

simplesusan Fri 01-Feb-13 17:04:38

Sorry posted twice.

Yes I agree the man was completely at fault and your dd hasn't done anything wrong. However, it is always sensible to consider your safety and make it easier to escape idiots like this.

magimedi Fri 01-Feb-13 17:05:56

YANBU.

If (& I really hope it doesn't) this happens again tell her to ring the police straight away.

And I agree with zero tolerance but kids still need advice on coping strategies.

LizzieVereker Fri 01-Feb-13 17:09:56

I agree with Cailin.

Why do people think this is acceptable? Poor young woman, I'm raging for her. angry

FlorriesDragons Fri 01-Feb-13 17:10:18

I still get this kind of thing happening to me and I'm 26 and occasionally pushing a buggy. sad angry

Never be afraid to call the police for things like this. These men need to know that this behaviour isn't acceptable.

ThreadPirateFanjoBeard Fri 01-Feb-13 17:12:25

Yes we should agree a zero tolerance policy. But getting through to idiot blokes like him can take time and some won't listen at all. In the meantime, the OP's DD needs strategies to make her feel confident. I think self-defence and anything that makes her feel more able to handle a situation like this is good.

singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 17:14:04

Thank you for all your comments. Dd said because it happens a lot, she didn't think of 'phoning the police, but now realises that it would have been sensible. I am very grateful to the woman who noticed and stayed with my daughter until she fely it was safe. thanks

HollyBerryBush Fri 01-Feb-13 17:15:02

Although probably inconvenient, always walk facing oncoming traffic, it stops people drawing up behind you and 'kerb crawling' - I do hope she got the number plate though.

Bathjelly Fri 01-Feb-13 17:25:49

She might feel a bit safer if she carried a personal alarm (i think you can get them from the police station)? As far as I know, you pull a pin out of them and they make a piercing sound , that would hopefully teach men like that a lesson.

ApocalypseThen Fri 01-Feb-13 17:55:54

She needs to get her phone out and get the reg.

QuickLookBusy Fri 01-Feb-13 18:00:55

How awful for her.

You have done the right thing in phoning the police, they should take today's incident seriously.

FlouncingMintyy Fri 01-Feb-13 18:02:40

Well OBVIOUSLY not unreasonable. So why are you asking if you are?

If it happens again, tell her to get her phone out and obviously take a picture of the number plate, then hold the phone up and press 999 very clearly, and speak to the police.
She must have been really shaken poor thing sad I hope she's ok and it doesn't put her off going places in future.

Purple2012 Fri 01-Feb-13 19:02:09

She needs to ring 999 at the time. The police will take it seriously but it's harder for them to do something if you wait until shes home to ring.

quoteunquote Fri 01-Feb-13 19:33:19

I don't like to scare you,

get her to change her routine, is she walking the same route, same time, same routine on a weekly basis,

some of these men, start to stalk, having spotted a girl that interests them, ask her to think if she has seen the van before,

it just we have had more than a few of these incidences over the last few years, one of our village (15) girls, was nearly snatched after leaving an after school activity, she really did fight back, and luckily a father of another girl drove past, and saw the man trying to drag her into the van, guy drove off as he intervened, on quite a few of these the man had been watching for a while,

she must stick to inside of the pavement, if she feels any unwanted attention, go into the nearest shop, or business, explain the problem, wait in the business, until parent or police arrive, also go up to the front door of a house ring bell, ask home owner to phone police

carry taxi money,if you get a cab, let someone know the cab number, keep phone charged, take photos of suspicious vehicles,

choose safe routes, tell someone where you are, tell someone where you will be, check in,

Walk with friends, no head phones.

be careful with her details on line,

Understand that being over cautious with her personal safety is not silly, it essential.

singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 20:10:14

Thank you for all your advice. I was in a meeting at the time, so dd was unable to contact me straight away. Dd now knows that next time she needs to ring 999 and take a photo of the license plate. She is normally quite street aware, but i think because it was lunchtime on a main residential road, it was unexpected, IYSWIM?
We are going to investigate self-defence lessons, and she never walks alone after dark;she is always with friends. She always has money for a taxi, but it was midday in a residential area.
Dd was dressed in normal clothes, minding her own business and can't help the way she looks. She also looks younger than 16, nearly seventeen, as she is petite.
I feel for her, because she does nothing to attract unwanted attention/harassment, so it is NOT nor should it be, her problem. angry

singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 20:33:26

Just an update. Two police officers have just left after taking a statement and they are taking it seriously, as a girl from the same school was involved in a similar incident yesterday. They are going to inform the school and get the PCSO's in to talk to the students in the next week.
They also re-inforced that next time dd should just ring 999.
Thank you all.

Annunziata Fri 01-Feb-13 20:37:52

Oh how scary for you OP, I hope she isn't too shaken. What a world.

Footface Fri 01-Feb-13 20:44:57

Your poor dd, this sought of thing makes me so angry. I had people drive along side me and trying to get my attention when I was at school, It's awful makes you feel very vulnerable.

One man followed me up my path, and told me he thought I was beautiful. I was 15 ffs he must have been 35.

Like you dd it never would have crossed my mind to call the police.

I used to tell them to fuck of home to theirs wives. Not the best suggestion but I was young, and it made me feel less vulnerable.

I was flashed at once in the high street and it really posses me off so I followed him with my friend shouting flasher for quite a long time. ( again not the best course of action but I felt unpowered)

HandlebarTash Fri 01-Feb-13 20:54:49

Obviously YANBU. She should be able to go wherever she likes, whenever she likes.

Having experienced similar myself as a teenager, she could start walking facing on coming traffic, walk well populated routes, walk with friends as often as she can, vary her route especially if she is walking the same one regularly at the same time of day, and not walk with headphones in.

am angry that anyone has to do these things though.

andubelievedthat Fri 01-Feb-13 20:58:15

you MUST be very ! firm with your daughter re this , particularly as it seems to be a reg. occurence,i am biased, my own daughter was sexually assaulted by a neighbour when she was fifteen,as she was out running .my fella had told her not to speak to this fella, but she was too polite ,friendly,could see no bad in anyone,no matter the police follow up , it never compensates for the damage to everyone . please impress upon your daughter the importance of her own consious safety >and NEVER to STOP walking when focused on by creeps.or anyone whom she does not know well and trust.

quoteunquote Fri 01-Feb-13 22:50:00

am that anyone has to do these things though

Yep, it totally pathetic that the world is not yet a safe place, we can't be that intelligent as something so obviously beneficial to everyone has yet be achieved,

she needs to learn to use her voice, and shout very loudly for anyone to get away from her.

Pendeen Sat 02-Feb-13 00:06:13

YANBU, of course you aren't.

Much sympathy for DD.

sashh Sat 02-Feb-13 07:00:30

Re white van man

she should shout as loud as she can "I'm 15 you pervert, how many children have you had sex with?"
whilst phoning 999.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now