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to send a rather blunt text to DP's friend?

(39 Posts)
NellyBluth Thu 31-Jan-13 20:37:35

Well, he's a mutual friend really, but I'll call him DP's friend for ease. Let's call him Bob. Old friend, nice guy but with a history of being unreliable and late to meet up.

A few days ago DP and Bob made plans for meeting up. To put it in context, we live in a London commuter town, Bob lives and works in London, I work in London. DP was going to go to London last night for drinks, but Bob suggested that he would come to ours after work tonight, so getting in about 6.30, and he and DP would go out for dinner and drinks. DP has been looking forward to this as he's been at home with the baby for the past few days (not saying this for him to get a medal, just we all know it can be a bit lonely all day with a 1 year old).

It's now 8.30 and Bob hasn't even texted to say what train he is getting, or to apologise he is late. We are not worried he has fallen down a manhole - he'll be drinking with colleagues. He will be ignoring DP's text because he knows he's in the wrong and can't think of a suitable explanation. DP is really pissed off. If Bob had just admitted at the end of work that he was going for drinks, there would have been time for DP to head in to London and meet other friends once I got back from work. Now it's too late. So on a rare night when he could see someone (DP does shift work so it's difficult to see his friends often) he's been pissed around and let down by a supposed good friend.

DP has already sent his own text saying he feels let down. I kind of want to send one too. Yes it is petty and childish and we are all far older than this behaviour would suggest but... I feel so bad for DP. He works f/t and does the bulk of the childcare and hasn't had a chance to make friends in our new town yet, and this friend pisses him around on a rare night he could go out. Grr.

Please don't flame. I am fully aware this makes me sound like a 12 year old but 'Bob's' head in the sand approach is making me feel like a 12 year old!

frustratedworkingmum Thu 31-Jan-13 20:41:24

It does make you and your DH sound a bit clingy though - id be pissed off and making a mental note that bob is unreliable, ordering a chinese/indian/pizza, getting a bottle of wine and enjoying an evening in together. Fuck bob

complexnumber Thu 31-Jan-13 20:44:30

biscuit

NellyBluth Thu 31-Jan-13 20:49:34

Thanks complex, my first biscuit!

Not clingy, though I can see how it looks that way grin Just annoyed for DP. He doesn't get to go out much and does such long hours. Just don't think it's hard for people to send a text explaining there's a change of plan. Bob is actually staying at ours tonight, that was part of the plan, so I'm quite aware he will be rocking up tonight at about 11 pissed.

NotALondoner Thu 31-Jan-13 20:52:00

tell him he can no longer stay at yours.

sooperdooper Thu 31-Jan-13 20:54:05

Yes, annoying but don't text as well, but ridiculously cheeky that he thinks he's staying at yours still??

NellyBluth Thu 31-Jan-13 20:56:34

I know. They have a plan about doing stuff together during the daytime as they are both off, and he was going to mind DD for half an hour while DP goes to an appointment (he's unreliable but great with kids).

I know, I know, texting him is childish <sigh> I suppose because he is a mutual friend it seems a bit more natural. I just want to tell him to stop letting people down without telling them!

Clytaemnestra Thu 31-Jan-13 20:56:48

Don't let him in. Cheeky git.

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 31-Jan-13 21:05:33

I wouldn't bother sending him a text. Your dh's already sent him one and he doesn't care enough to reply. Just leave it and put it down to a lesson learnt.

Bobbybird40 Thu 31-Jan-13 21:06:31

If I was your dp I would send bob a text saying, 'hi bob, I hope you don't mind but I'm gonna have an early night, feeling a bit unwell, you stay in town and enjoy yourself, mate.' Then crack open the vino, savoury snacks etc

I absolutely would NOT be giving Bob a bed for the night shock! It sounds as if he never learned about actions having consequences, now would be a good time to start. And if he misses the last train to London, so much the better.

NellyBluth Thu 31-Jan-13 21:10:00

Something about the phrase "savoury snacks" is making be snort for some reason!

Maybe I should have called this AIBU to lock the doors...

ceeveebee Thu 31-Jan-13 21:11:37

I think it would be very odd for you to text Bob, he's your DP's friend - it would make you look like you were his mother

Bob is a prick btw

AnyFucker Thu 31-Jan-13 21:11:53

I would stay out of it (what are you...your partner's mother ?) and encourage your dp to make new friends

I would knock the bed for him to crash in on the head too...you are not a Premier Inn for after the the more interesting boozers close

aldiwhore Thu 31-Jan-13 21:12:12

I've the reverse problem, kind of, DH's friend is female, she's my friend too... I would only send a text if she'd let ME down. I would of course back up my DH in a three way conversation. But other than that I would seethe quietly to myself.

I won't change her, you won't change him. Your DH has said his piece, a message from the wife would belittle your DH and give BOB a giggle with his mates in the pub.

I would encourage your DH to follow *Bobbybi

aldiwhore Thu 31-Jan-13 21:13:13

Stupid PC.... .... to follow "Bobbybird's advice"

Never spill wine on your laptop and think yo've got away with it. smile

goneHaywire Thu 31-Jan-13 21:14:43

what frustratedworkingmum said. salvage ur evening, spend done quality time together.

tell DP to text bob telling him that HIS plans have changed and bob might as will stay down in london tonight

MikeOxardInTheSnow Thu 31-Jan-13 21:14:49

Lock the door, switch off phone, ignore. That'll show him how annoying it is when it's done to him.

Catmint Thu 31-Jan-13 21:16:29

YANBU - yy to Bobbybird's advice.

skullcandy Thu 31-Jan-13 21:17:22

i would send him a text from DP's phone informing him not to bother coming to stay and to go home. If we're not good enough for his company for the evening then he can fuck off if he thinks we're providing a bed too!

NatashaBee Thu 31-Jan-13 21:18:46

I definitely wouldn't text him... that would be weird. But I would disconnect your doorbell and put your phone on silent if you think he's going to expect to come back and stay the night at yours.

goneHaywire Thu 31-Jan-13 21:22:00

furthermore "friends" who you know are unreliable should not keep being given any more chances to disappoint you.

learn from this and act accordingly

havingastress Thu 31-Jan-13 21:24:46

Get rid of Bob!

NellyBluth Thu 31-Jan-13 21:26:36

Yeah, I know it makes me sound like his mum, I was just so annoyed with him an hour ago - he knows that DP's nights off are rare so I expected more from him. Never mind. And we are friends too, I text and email him about stuff anyway.

I like the idea of texting from DP's phone though!

Theicingontop Thu 31-Jan-13 21:26:58

This all sounds really familiar.

NellyBluth Thu 31-Jan-13 21:31:11

Does it? In what way? Same problem or accusations of hairy-handedness?

BattlingFanjos Thu 31-Jan-13 22:17:43

I think 'Bob' is a shitty friend and I would be really pissed off if I were your DH. My friends know I rarely have a babysitter (working single parent) and if plans nerd to be changed give as much warning as they can, or have a good excuse. I don't think you should text but I would want to! Don't give him a bed for the night either, cheeky twat he is!

think there was a 'Bob' friend thread recently about him saying inappropriate things about the DW, might be confusion?

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 31-Jan-13 22:30:34

I hadn't realised there was a chance he might think it's still ok to crash at yours too. Definitely don't let him stay!

emsyj Thu 31-Jan-13 22:35:01

YANBU to lock the doors, turn off all the lights and watch out of the window sniggering as he knocks on the door and scratches his head wondering how to access his free bed for the night.

Booyhoo Thu 31-Jan-13 22:36:02

poor DP!

what a shitty friend! and no way should he expect to stay after this!

pictish Thu 31-Jan-13 22:37:48

Dont put him up. Just do what he did to your dh, and ignore any communication.

Never make someone a priority if they'll only make you an option.

ceeveebee Thu 31-Jan-13 22:46:10

Has he turned up yet? Did you let him in?

LessMissAbs Thu 31-Jan-13 22:51:20

Does it really matter? These things happen. Doesn't mean Bob is a bad person. Chill, relax, don't get worked up about it. Its only a night out, not a life or death decision.

Do you really have to get involved in your DH's social life? Can he not sort it out for himself? I really don't see why you are texting Bob and getting so het up about it. Yes, you do sound like his mother, but a particurarly helicopter type of mother.

Pandemoniaa Fri 01-Feb-13 00:20:29

Bob is actually staying at ours tonight, that was part of the plan, so I'm quite aware he will be rocking up tonight at about 11 pissed.

This would piss me off. Sure, "Bob" hasn't exactly committed the crime of the century but he does come across as bloody rude if he can't be arsed to keep to the original arrangements or at least phone early enough to amend them and then expects to roll up at the end of the night and be accommodated. I wouldn't send a text but I would have been tempted.

Monty27 Fri 01-Feb-13 00:26:17

Tell Bob to efff off, treat dp to a take away and wine or whatever.

But he should fight his own battles to be honest.

Realise this is too late now and I hope Bob has made his own arrangments for a bed. grrrr on both your behalfs. (If that's proper english) cos I used to love having the house to myself for a night. smile

pluCaChange Fri 01-Feb-13 00:38:59

Nah, I think Bob will flake out on tomorrow, too, and that you never had any chance of locking him out!

Walkacrossthesand Fri 01-Feb-13 00:58:08

<Never make someone a priority if they only make you an option>

I love it! And so true. I would never earmark a precious free evening for 'Bob' again.

JockTamsonsBairns Fri 01-Feb-13 01:03:26

Probably missed the boat on this thread already, but I wouldn't be getting involved in any texting to let Bob know you're pissed off too. I'd just send off a quick message to say something along the lines of ' sorry you couldn't make it here tonight, hope all ok with you - and looking forward to catching up with you soon'.
So, giving him the message that your place is not a stop off point, but that the friendship is not under jeopardy iyswim.

Viviennemary Fri 01-Feb-13 01:08:12

He sounds very reliable and inconsiderate. But I'd let your DP sort it out as there is no point in you sending a text if he's already had a text. There's nothing very much you can do about unreliable people as you say he has often been unreliable in the past.

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