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To want a little bit of privacy and not have my life splashed about all over facebook?

(39 Posts)
volvocowgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 21:17:05

Maybe I'll just get told to get off facebook... but... this has really upset me...

I was taken into hospital on Friday and got out yesterday. It was sudden and unexpected and I had to have a few tests, etc, like you do!

Anyway, I get out of hospital to find my family, OH and in-laws all taking about me over facebook - everything from bowel movements to blood test results.

They all have my phone number and email and could easily have contacted me that way, but these weren't just 'well wishes' this was full on conversations about things that I think are best kept private, or at least only brought up in conversation with me.

I've just had to spend an hour deleting and untagging things but most of it's been out there since Friday and I've had all sorts of messages from people I hardly ever speak to (old school friends, ex-workmates, etc) offering advice and asking questions and it's all a bit much.

I wouldn't have dreamed of putting this all over facebook if it was someone else, they all live near each other and have other ways of contacting each other (in fact most of them saw each other at least once over the weekend), and other ways of contacting me (and they knew I didn't have access to facebook in there but they never bothered calling or texting me personally), am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit disrespectful and feel a bit like my life has been invaded?

mrsbunnylove Wed 30-Jan-13 21:20:13

goodness, i'm sorry that happened to you. people have lost all sense of personal space nowadays. your medical details and internal action should be yours to share, not for public broadcast!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Wed 30-Jan-13 21:20:18

What has your OH said in response to how upset you are? I assume you've mentioned it to him?

Hope you're feeling better btw.

feministefatale Wed 30-Jan-13 21:21:56

Disgusting. Oh needs a talking to, and delete the family in question

volvocowgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 21:23:08

OH has apologised and apologised on behalf of his folks but he doesn't understand why he's apologising or what the problem is.

I'm sure if I'd mentioned his fertility tests on there it would be a whole world of difference...

YANBU. I know someone who blogged all about his DW's BFing issues with their tiny premature baby. Without her knowledge. He was an idiot. I would just get off FB altogether.

Latara Wed 30-Jan-13 21:24:01

YANBU, I like FB but that's a real invasion of your privacy. Especially shocking behaviour to come from your own partner & family!!

thezebrawearspurple Wed 30-Jan-13 21:25:07

yanbu, tell everyone how completely inappropriate and invasive they have been, let them know how upset and angry you are. Tell them they can no longer be trusted with private information and therefore will never be receiving any again. Then defriend and block the lot of them.

YANBU

Removing yourself from facebook won't actually stop them talking about you, but it may stop all your friends and acquaintances from being notified of the ins and outs of your health tests/status. Have you asked OH how would feel if you and your family had been discussing his fertility tests in great detail on FB, for everyone to see? Does he not have any empathy??

volvocowgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 21:28:08

When I say family these are the people involved...

My Dad, Cousin, Sister, Uncle, Auntie...
OH and his Mum, Sister, Niece...

Neither of us come from big families - this is pretty much half of them so don't want to delete them and cause arguments really.

Hmmmm... maybe I should have a backbone and do it though...

tattoosarenotallowed Wed 30-Jan-13 21:28:20

Put his fertility test details up there. In great detail.

BookFairy Wed 30-Jan-13 21:28:33

Oh my days I would be absolutely mortified and furious. I would suggest to him that as he feels there is no issue, how about you discuss his recent medical tests on facebook for all the world and his neighbour to see.

I hope you're feeling better flowers

volvocowgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 21:28:58

OH says it was,just concern. But it just comes across as horrible gossip to me!

AGreenie Wed 30-Jan-13 21:31:32

That's terrible! I think that people sometimes forget that their conversations on Facebook aren't private and are there for whoever to see depending on the posters privacy settings!

Hope you're feeling better!

I was once told off by dh for posting a pic of my son at a show (Peppa pig or Thomas stage show type thing) - he was in the audience wnjoying the show and I'd taken a picture of him getting all excited, and posted it on fb straight away. My sil called dh straight away asking dh what ds had done to his head (he'd banged it at nursery the day before) - I was in so much trouble that I really think about what I'm putting up there now before i do....

volvocowgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 21:31:46

Thanx! feel a bit more Rarrr! Woman hear me roar! now that you've all got rid of my niggles that I was the one being overly sensitive! Will be having more words with OH and contemplating those to have with the rest of them at a more reasonable hour!

Hassled Wed 30-Jan-13 21:32:20

This is horrendous for you - do you think they actually understand that other people could see/read all this? Is there any chance they thought this was private, just between themselves?

There's no way you should suck it up, though - you have to say something. I'd start by deleting them all. They can be reinstated once they've issued a full and frank apology.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 30-Jan-13 21:35:11

I would be very annoyed.

I would probably send a private message to the whole family group reminding them that the private message feature exists and you'd appreciate it if they used it should there be a next time, as they have left you in an awkward position. But thanks for well wishes etc.

volvocowgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 21:35:32

Oh, they knew it was seen by other people because people they didn't know (my FB friends) were responding on the tagged posts and they were replying to them (without even knowing who they are)!

Hassled Wed 30-Jan-13 21:38:34

Bloody hell. Delete them. What thoughtless idiots, honestly.

wanderingcloud Wed 30-Jan-13 21:43:20

YANBU that's horrible and the last thing you need.

Closest I can get to relating is when my DSM posted to all and sundry that I was in labour. I wasn't best pleased but had to suck it up.

You can set your privacy settings so "Only Me" can see things about you. Even if you're not on FB wouldn't stop people discussing you though so I guess you have to speak to the family members concerned and point out how it made you feel.

CremeEggThief Brazil Wed 30-Jan-13 21:46:36

YANBU. That's not on at all. How would any of them feel in your place? angry

bessie26 Wed 30-Jan-13 21:59:19

YANBU

I've got my fb set up so that I have to approve posts/photos I'm tagged in before they appear on my timeline for others to see.

Rhienne Wed 30-Jan-13 22:20:20

Yes to what Bessie says. Change your setting so you have to approve anything you're tagged in. Then your friends who aren't friends with your relatives shouldn't see it (not sure if your relatives friends see it anyway?)

Artemis206 Wed 30-Jan-13 22:33:08

YANBU. Just had similar happen to me.

I had family members posting on FB when I was in labour and when I'd had the baby. It wasn't their news to announce and I certainly didn't want it being common knowledge when I was in labour. I was furious.

2048 Wed 30-Jan-13 22:45:47

I would come off Facebook but then again I can't see the attraction of being on it.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Wed 30-Jan-13 22:48:58

Yes, I hafe the same settings as Bessie. They will still talk angry but you won't be tagged.

Any chance it was an accident to start with as FB now autofills names when you start to type?

But you are right to be fuming even if it was, they should have used PMs for private stuff.

5madthings Wed 30-Jan-13 22:49:28

Yanbu at all!

2rebecca Germany Thu 31-Jan-13 00:00:29

I'm very private where my health is concerned so would be really angry about this, mainly with my husband. To me health related issues about me are confidential unless i choose to discuss them. Discussing me behind my back isn't concern it's gossip. I'd be telling my husband in future that I didn't want my health discussed with any relatives if they can't be trusted not to splash the details over the internet.
I probably wouldn't want my extended family knowing the details of my health even without the internet though. If it doesn't affect them they don't need to know.
If I had something serious like cancer I'd tell the extended family eventually, but on my terms and not all the details like blood tests, especially not aunts and nieces.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Thu 31-Jan-13 00:12:22

You need to change your settings and let your family know how dumb they have been.

StuntGirl Thu 31-Jan-13 00:20:13

I'd be furious. Concern can be shown without splashing your details all over a public internet forum.

MyCannyBairn Thu 31-Jan-13 00:43:32

I'd be absolutely furious, sounds a bit attention seeky on their part too. Man, I'd be so mad.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 31-Jan-13 00:57:17

YANBU

Feel free to copy and paste your next status report from the following.

Is very concerned about her aunts ( insert tag) piles and really hopes they get better soon its almost taken her mind off mums (another tag) discharge perhaps ill health is running in the family ATM as dh (yep tag) couldn't get to the loo quick enough yesterday and fil( tag) has also started itching down there perhaps its the same thing sil ( tag) needed the antibiotics for.

LaraInTheSky Sun 03-Feb-13 16:09:33

I deleted my Facebook account recently because of situations like that. I don't mind people talking about me when I'm not there. What I don't like is people who are not part of my life finding our about stuff that's personal and private. The whole thing is very dysfunctional and I'm a lot happier without that extra stress added to my life.

AThingInYourLife Sun 03-Feb-13 16:16:12

You can't dress up publishing extremely sensitive, private medical information about someone on a public forum as being about fucking "concern".

They have all violated you and you should make sure they know that.

Utter, utter bastards.

SomethingProfound Sun 03-Feb-13 16:58:31

How awful, especially tagging you which made it even more public. Tell them all how angry you are and that you would like all posts relating to this deleted.

Or you could put this up.

"Thank you to those who have wished me well over the past week/days. However this is a private and personal matter and one that I would not of wished to be discussed in such a public forum. I'm shocked hurt and very angry that those closest to me did not consider my feelings or privacy and chose to gossip about about me over a social networking site."

Tag them, name and shame!

( I know this isn't a mature or sensible option, but it is a little gratifying to think about)

maninawomansworld Mon 04-Feb-13 09:56:04

I would ring the individuals concerned and really have a go at them to be honest! I'd make them delete all the posts, apologise profusely and do some grovelling. That's bang out of order and would certainly cause a row of epic proportions in this house.
Maybe it's just me though, I HATE facebook! I'm practically the only person I know without a page and if I get wind that a pic of me is on someone's page I ask them to remove it.

Sallyingforth Mon 04-Feb-13 10:20:03

Stick to email. You can send messages and pictures to people you choose. No stress or arguments.
No need for that FB crap at all. We all managed perfectly well before it started.

aldiwhore Mon 04-Feb-13 10:25:12

I love facebook and often roll out the advise of 'hide them, delete them, block them, don't look at things you don't like, sort your settings out so you have to approve comments that tag you" etc etc.,

In this case though, YANBU at all. It's a massive invasion of privacy and totally disrespectful to you.

Antipag Mon 04-Feb-13 12:30:51

I am sorry this happened to you. I had to have a malignant lump removed last year and whilst my friends and family all know and have been incridbly supportive through the following radiotherapy, I made it clear from the beginning that I did not want it discussed on Facebook, and they respected it. Like you I didn't want all all and sundry knowing my personal battle, I didn't want to have to deal with the well meant sympathy from people I know but don't necessarily want close to me every day. This time for you it can't be undone but next time make it clear to all your loved ones that you don't want it discussed on Facebook, as much as you appreciate their love and support, it is not helpful to you or your health and hopefully they will respect that. If they don't , then you know not to share it with them again.

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