To ask how "entitled" you were as a teenager.

(108 Posts)
JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 06:19:11

With all the discussions about welfare changes and the term "entitled" being bandied about I thought back to a time when I truly was "entitled". My teenage years were a charmed life of lie ins, little responsibility and pocket money (okay only £1 but we are going back some years). I didn't know I was born.....

So fast forward to age16 and the school arranged for us to have two weeks of "work experience" with local employers. I can remember being utterly shocked that I would "have to be there at 8:00am which means I am going to have to be up by 6:30am". I actually remember saying to my Mum "they can't expect me to be there that early". I forget her response but it was along the lines of "welcome to the real world love" grin.

Three years later I was happily working all hours as a student nurse but have never forgotten how precious I was at 16.

Imaginethat Wed 30-Jan-13 06:32:14

Wow you had it good! I had 2 after school jobs and cycled everywhere - school, music lessons, friends' houses, said jobs. I got my first FT job at 17, moved into shared house at same time and lived off bread & cheese as I had never learnt how to cook.

Mrsrobertduvall Wed 30-Jan-13 06:41:05

I wasn't entitled at all.
But then it was Leeds, in the seventies.

At 15 , I got my Saturday job in the office in Woolworths, and worked every school holiday as well. Once I had Saturday job, my pocket money stopped and any non school clothes I was expected to buy myself.

Went to look at universities by myself...but then, most people did then.

I wish my mum had allowed me in the kitchen and taught me how to cook..but that was her domain.

therugratref Wed 30-Jan-13 06:54:16

Not at all. I grew up on a farm, up and dressed at 6 out to do the chores, milk the cow, feed the chooks etc, back in for shower breakfast and school.
Work seemed like breeze in comparison days off lie ins and money grin

FirstTimeForEverything Wed 30-Jan-13 07:00:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Betrayedbutsurvived Wed 30-Jan-13 07:00:52

That reminds me of a few years ago when I was a supervisor in a factory. I had a young lad, fresh out of school come to work for me. He was supposed to start at eight, but turned up at nine o'clock, for the first three days. I pulled him in and asked what the problem was, and he explained, in all seriousness, that he got here as soon as he could, but he didn't get up till eight so obviously wasn't going to be able to be there much before nine.

usualsuspect Wed 30-Jan-13 07:10:16

I worked on the market every Saturday from 13 , worked full time at 16.Left home at 17. So wasn't really entitled at all.

firesidechat Wed 30-Jan-13 07:11:23

Ha. Entitled? We didn't know the meaning of the word.

I was a teenager in the late seventies/early eighties and lived on a council estate with two disabled parents. Cooked family meals from a very early age, went food shopping everyday and started decorating the house (wallpapering etc) from about 14. When my grandparents died I went with my mum to register the death and organise the funeral with the undertakers.

Money was very tight so I never had trendy clothes. There was a particular skirt with a belt that everyone wore to school and I had to wait till the next door neighbour gave my mum some hand me downs. It was slightly untrendy by them. As you can tell, this has scarred me for life!

I'm making it all sound a bit grim, but we had a happy childhood in many ways and the jobs I had to do meant that I had some good skills for when I left home. My parents were also quite capable and managed to sucessfully raise three children. My dad went out to work and my mum did all the housework.

In comparison my children had a very comfy time growing up.

usualsuspect Wed 30-Jan-13 07:12:20

That was in the Seventies.

firesidechat Wed 30-Jan-13 07:15:31

Forgot to say that I also had a paper round and worked in an old people's home.

hiddenhome Wed 30-Jan-13 07:16:15

Not at all. My mother was a lone parent on sickness benefits. I was her carer because she had mental illness. I had crap clothing and no pocket money. We often ran out of food towards the end of the week. This was in the 80s. I also had to do the shopping, cleaning and accompany her to the psychiatric appointments.

Rosa Wed 30-Jan-13 07:19:28

Mid 80s got 1 st job washing dishes in local pub (14) usually friday nights and sunday lunchtimes. Progressed to waitress and more hours. Got a summer job and holiday jobs waitress and bar work. Was 16 when got 1st paycheck for a summer holiday job. Also baby sat and had a shared paperound. i went to the 'posh' school was hated by the kids in the local comprehensive who lived round me so either parents had to trek me to friends ( no local transport) or I used my bike to get to work.

Mosman Wed 30-Jan-13 07:23:43

I had to buy my own school uniform out of my saturday money so entitled, no, understood the value of money yes.
As it happens the tight bastards did me a favour because of course I bought my first house at 18 whilst many friends were still lying in bed til 11am

chewingguminmyhair Wed 30-Jan-13 07:25:20

I wasn't entitled at all I don't think. First job at 15 and haven't been without a job since.

Did paper round at 6am from age 11 proper job at job at 15, moved out at 16. Never got pocket money

Not entitled, my mother was shit so we grew up fast

nagynolonger Wed 30-Jan-13 07:29:10

I was brought up in an era when many including DMum thought an education was wasted on a girl. A girl would become a mother and be supported by a husband. This is how many people thought in the 50s and 60s. Being the eldest I was expected to help with looking after my younger siblings and I did learn how to iron, sew and cook. All that was taught at school as well. Only boys got to do technical drawing, woodwork and metalwork.

I went all the way through junior school thinking I wasn't very clever. There were lots of clever boys and a few clever (and posh!) girls. I may have surprised everyone and passed 11+ but in the area I lived it was scrapped before I got the chance.

Secondary school really suited me and I did very well. I still didn't think I was intelligent but I worked hard and loved it. I could still have left school at 15 but DDad said I could stay on the extra year to take O levels. DMum was not too pleased she even made me work my summer holidays in the factory she worked at because she had already arranged a job for me. She gave me a good slap when I refused and DDad had to stop the ensuing fightblush. I had no choice and worked for 7 weeks that summer. Strangely I really enjoyed it and I even thanked mum later!

The next summer I worked again at the factory and the owner escourted me round and made me show everyone the letter with my results. I got 6 O level passes, and 1 CSE grade 1. Mum was very proud but not proud enough to let me do A levels. So I left school and went to work in a bank.

I have never felt entitled and I never let my own DC become that way either. I have/will always make sure they get the chance to go to university if that's what they want. On the understanding that DH and I will help but any debt will be theirs. Also DD was given just the same encouragement as her brothers.

Smudging Wed 30-Jan-13 07:32:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouMae Wed 30-Jan-13 07:32:51

Yes I was quite stroppy and entitled at 15/16. The world was against me and it was poor, poor me (despite the fact that I had it very very easy). I grew up a bit when I left school at 16 and grew up for the better when I left home at 18.

FarelyKnuts Wed 30-Jan-13 07:32:58

I don't think I was even slightly entitled. I had a very ill parent and spent time caring for him and cooking for the family from a young age. I got a PT job at 14yo and worked it as well as school full time and was expected to pay towards board and lodgings out of it plus anything I needed in terms of school/clothes etc.
Left home at 16yo and worked three jobs to put myself through college at 17yo.

MrsBW Wed 30-Jan-13 07:35:35

Nope, not entitled at all. Worked from 14, at 16 my job paid for my bus to college every day.

Never had the latest stuff. Took lunch to school in a airier bag (before I was signed up for free school lunches).

Mum was poorly (again, mental health) so I was the adult from an early age. Dad had walked out before I was 2 and I was an only child.

Put myself through university with very little help (gran sent me some money, bless her in the belief it would stop me having to take out student loans - it didn't) I wouldn't have been able o go if I'd been a year younger (i.e. the year the remaining small grants were scrapped and tuition fees introduced).

Lots and lots of people far worse off than me, but no I wasn't entitled.

MrsBW Wed 30-Jan-13 07:36:00

Carrier, not airier!

VBisme Wed 30-Jan-13 07:45:29

I blush when I think how entitles I was.

JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 07:48:18

Just me then grin......I was just reflecting on how easy I had it as a teenager. I did a Saturday job while at college but was obviously pampered judging by some of the replies here grin.

My Mum definitely did not bring us up to lie idle though, it was always expected that when we left school or college or uni that we would go out to work. I can remember her frog marching my brother (sort of) down to the jobcentre when he left school, he had a job in no time....it hadn't been quite his plan! Then he went in the army and appreciated what a soft and comfy life he had at home.

WaitingForMe Wed 30-Jan-13 07:52:33

Looking back my dad was brilliant. We had a farm and he paid me £3 p/h to creosote fences and regularly argued at how fast I worked. One day I thought fuck this for a game of soldiers and found a waitressing job that paid £4 p/h plus I got tips. It was a half hour bike ride, twenty minute train journey and ten minute walk but that was easy after all the bloody fences.

So I wasn't entitled at all and worked my arse off. As it turned out he'd set up a trust fund when I was a child and my uni education was taken care of but he didn't want me to grow up to be a twat!

flow4 Wed 30-Jan-13 08:02:08

I had a privileged childhood, and stayed in full-time education a long time, but I don't think I ever felt 'entitled'. I worked in babysitting jobs from the age of 13, plus full-time in the summer holidays from the age of 17, and a part-time job along side my degree.

I've thought about this often over the past few years, because I have two teenage sons, and one of them does seem to feel 'entitled'. I think the feeling is created because they are constantly surrounded by images of much more affluent lifestyles - every time they turn on the TV they see all the things they don't have - and they're left feeling dissatisfied with what they do have. It's sad.

I wasn't entitled at all. At home I did most of the cooking, washing up, and a fair amount of cleaning and ironing. I cycled everywhere as my mum 'wasn't a taxi service' and had both an early morning paper round and Saturday job from 13. I also baby sat. During the easter and summer holiday I worked on a fruit picking farm, and at xmas I did turkey plucking. I also left home at 16 to live in lodgings (which I paid for myself), and put myself through 6th form and university. Whilst at uni I worked every holiday in an accounts office to pay for my halls of residence fees and books.

I never once felt hard done by, and the attitude of teenagers and students today pisses me off.

Labootin Wed 30-Jan-13 08:14:52

I worked on the number 7 counter on Saturdays at Boots from aged 15, and had a paperound from 13.
In school holidays I worked full time through to finishing A levels. My gap year was as a chalet girl then I left home for Uni (not to return)

I'd been cooking my own food since 14 (major teenage angst turned me temporarily Vegan) and did my own shopping and laundry.

I'd like my dc's to work as I did I do think it builds a good work ethic (says me a SAHM..trailing spouse... Oh the irony!) but Irrc child labour laws are different now particularly wrt early morning starts.

I had a bit of a phase of "but what about me!!" when I was 15. My Mum was ill with cancer and my little sister had a debilitating accident...For a long time I was just expected to be strong and stoic (which probably isn't true, but that's what I felt I had to be) and I did ok, until I was 15, when I ran away.....I feel so fucking terrible about it now, I really do. I was only gone a few days and my parents did know I was alive and ok, but I'll never forgive myself for it. Apart from that though, I don't think I was entitled. I had to work for my pocket money, and because of Mum's illness I knew about the harshness of life.

Sorry for double post but just wanted to add, I did chores and cooking from a young age. I loved cooking (still do) and it meant that if I cooked dinner I didn't have to do the washing up grin

teacher123 Wed 30-Jan-13 08:21:09

My parents didn't make me do any housework or cooking or anything before I left school and I had an allowance etc. Looking back I cannot believe how little I got away with doing! However I worked extremely hard at school and did hours and hours of music as a hobby so was out the house every evening and at weekends for rehearsals, practising for exams etc. That has paid off as I am now a music teacher and also still perform regularly. I got a Saturday job from when I was 16 and also did paid performing work from then on. I always had holiday jobs when I was a student, and worked part time whilst at university, and funded my postgraduate study through working. So I was entitled in respect of contributing to the house, I had a real shock when I had a flat share at uni, I was SO MESSY! I'm amazed they put up with me!

cory Wed 30-Jan-13 08:21:41

I don't know if having a Saturday job makes you less entitled tbh.

All my friends had them and got very used to throwing money about, which made life difficult later when they went to university and had to pay for everything out of a small loan. They had just never got used to the idea of doing without.

I wasn't allowed to have one as my health wasn't good, so I never got used to spending. Does that make me more entitled?

Otoh I did have a very happy and sheltered childhood, in the sense that I was cared for, loved and surrounded by people who enjoyed life and enjoyed my company. Perhaps that does make me entitled. Yes, I think it does- entitled to be treated by respect, entitled to a pleasant atmosphere in the home, entitled to have my needs taken into consideration.

Dd does fewer chores and less cooking than me- but then dd spends a lot of time in severe chronic pain, which I didn't. So not sure that makes her more entitled. She probably thinks I'm the entitled one: because I expect as a matter of fact to be able to get up in the morning, and walk, and do a day's work. Now, when you come to think of it, that is being entitled.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 30-Jan-13 08:24:28

Not at all entitled. Was expected to do a lot about the place from about age 11 (much more so than my DB... not bitter... not bitter...), got charged rent as soon as I got my first weekend job and was expected to fund myself through uni even though there was meant to be a parental contribution. Left at 17 and never went back. Been fiercely independent ever since. Character building I call it.... smile

I thought entitled meant you expect the best whilst delivering nothing?

I'm glad i was a teen in the era when i was. Far less pressure to look perfect. No WAGS. No desire to have latest phone because mates have it etc. I was no brat.

But i didn't have a clue about life really at 16. I had long lie ins, nice holidays, my parents had no money worries and i had no major concerns. However i did have parents who had the word 'No' in their vocabulary and certainly weren't a Taxi service.
I didn't start work until i was a student when i got two part time jobs in the holidays. That was a wake up call. Kept one of the jobs going throughout college. Learnt a lot of life lessons in my late teens but at 16 i was an innocent.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Wed 30-Jan-13 08:26:25

I can't even begin to explain how entitled I was. Not even. This will out me - when I first married my husband found me crying doing the washing up. Washing up had not really been a part of my life blush

And I still can't drive. More blush

Or iron blush

threesypeesy Wed 30-Jan-13 08:28:53

very, i think, i know i still am!!

parents have always been welk of we never had to do anything to earn what we wanted just ask. we were pampered used to come in at 16 to pjs being heated on radieator, bath ran was great.

Now i expect dh to cater to my every whim and he does. i know its not a great traite but its how i am our 3Dds are very entitled too!!

nagynolonger Wed 30-Jan-13 08:44:41

I must admit I have been a taxi for my teens. They couldn't take cricket kit on a bike and we do live in a rural area with crap public transport. It was either that or pay for driving lessons and a car. IMO mine are less entitled because they worked and paid for their own lessons.

Jamillalliamilli Wed 30-Jan-13 09:41:13

The opposite, a firm sense of being officially ‘Un-entitled’ to anything and knowing your place.

Very much brought up with children's norm is whatever's left over or unwanted by others, you just weren't entitled to anything and were beholden for everything.
I was a carer from 10 until my mother died so there was very much a sense of others entitlement to your labor, rather than you being entitled to anything, then into care which made you officially even more un-entitled than others.

Children just didn't have rights or entitlement, they were very much property and pretty disposable and didn't feel entitled to anything better than whatever was being granted or not where I was.

I became an underage mum, which further entitled anyone and everyone to do as they wished, and they pretty much did. That started to be applied to my children too.
No sense of entitlement at all, until the point I realized my children had no more entitlement than me, simply because they were mine, and then I felt very entitled to take them and run. It was a strong sense of 'maternal entitlement' to whatever it took to make them better lives. Glad I found it.

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 09:41:52

Very entitled blush

We weren't rich, but my parents both worked, sent me to grammar school and let me get away with never lifting a finger.

I remember them telling me about the daughter of a friend getting soaked before going to work when she popped back in the shower clothed to give it a wipe. I hadn't realised that bathrooms needed cleaning. Friends DD and I were both sixteen.

Clean and ironed clothes appeared magically in drawers and on hangers and I would be shock if the pair of tights I wanted to wear that day were in the wash. My Dad cleaned my room and I was forever whinging that he would put all the makeup I used every day in a box on a shelf.

I would use the hoover occasionally so when I bought a house I knew that carpets needed doing but it was about six months before I noticed that the kitchen and bathroom floors looked a bit wrong and that I should perhaps sweep them and buy a mop.

Had Saturday / holiday jobs from 15 all through University and worked hard at school and at music exams from the age of five but had no idea of the work that goes into maintaining a house and living independently, also no clue about money but it was the early nineties and my parents told me that everyone lives on credit so I followed their example and racked up £30K of debt by the time I was twenty five.

<cringe>

StinkyWicket Wed 30-Jan-13 09:51:30

I had an easy life as a teen - my parents were fairly well off. I got my first job at 16 (this was the 90s) and worked in a local chemist. My mum would drop me off as I had a ballet lesson in the morning - I was heading for pro (ish) for a bit so it was more than a hobby. Yes, I acknowledge I was very, very luck to have parents that paid for my 6 lessons a week!

I always had a weekly job after that, I don't remember ever whinging about money, for me it was more being allowed to do things or not. I quite often walked or got a bus although my mum was very generous with the lifts!

My dad worked very hard (mum a SAHM - so arguably worked harder wink) to let us have a nice standard of living, I think we were possibly a little more spoiled as we had a very hard couple of years in the early 90s during the recession. My dad was out of work for a couple of years. I didn't even know this till I was grown up tbh.

My mum never ever asked us to do anything until we were about 13 and then of course we didn't want to help. I blame her for my slatternliness grin

melika Wed 30-Jan-13 09:54:44

Not entitled at all, sat job at 13, Dad died when I was 15 so not a lot of money and worse off than before. I got a better sat job at 16, FT job at 18, got a mortgage at 22.

Life has got a lot better now am comfortable and I only work one day a week.

Tailtwister Wed 30-Jan-13 09:55:45

I would say we were pretty lucky. We had what we needed, but not everything we wanted iyswim. Our parents were very strict and we had virtually no freedom, but as for comfort and a good education we were very fortunate.

When I went to uni our fees were paid and I had a very small grant. I had a few bar jobs, but nothing to taxing. Entitled? Not really. Fortunate? Yes.

Ponderingonaquandry Wed 30-Jan-13 09:57:47

Not at all.

We were expected to do housework and small chores from when we could walk and then at 14 my mum stopped doing our washing and ironing (and when you're a military cadet and your school skirt was pleated that's a big bummer!)

I also was used to getting up at the crack of a sparrows fart for sports clubs.

Got my first job at 16 and haven't stopped working since.

As for pocket money I didn't get any but usually got things if I asked for them.

In the financial sense, not so much, did lots of babysitting in early teens, part time jobs from 16 and through college and Uni then full time work straightaway afterwards. Brought up to budget, save and not use credit apart from mortgages. I was taught how to do basic housework, ironing etc but don't think I had any real idea about how much of it is actually needed, mum worked but didn't start till 9.30 so she used to do all the housework once we'd gone to school and we never saw it happen, just a token bit that she made us do on a Sunday led me to believe you only had to hoover once a week etc. I had no idea about all the more detailed stuff.

Which reminds me I should be doing some housework....

confusteling Wed 30-Jan-13 10:01:10

Not at all.

I've never worked long term due to family circumstances, but I've been a carer to my mum and sister since age 3 and have never been entitled or anything.

Have never done anything exceptional in terms of household chores but I remember not having money - we lived on £100 a week, to cover all bills and expenses including gas, electric, phone, food, etc. My mum could only buy basic food and clothing from charity shops, my school textbooks were wrapped in safeway leaflets.. There was one year that our christmas presents came from the social work - they turned up in a car full of presents etc. We also got food parcels at Christmas from the SVDP.

Never had a car or access to a decent bus service so for a long time it was a case of - if you want to do it, it'll have to be within the village. Never had the sense of "Mum's taxi".

I still feel terrible if I spend money and worry about it, because so used to not having it. It's not a good thing really!

impty Wed 30-Jan-13 10:01:25

Worked at the weekend from aged 14. Parents split up at 15. I had much more responsibility than my dd's.
But i had friends who were very entitled when i was teenager. I knew some really spoilt madames grin grin
I hope my dd's have an easier time than me, but try and not let them become spoilt...

melika Wed 30-Jan-13 10:02:09

Forgot to say, I had to wear my two sisters hand me down uniforms on first day of secondary school, a holey cardigan, round collared,yellowed, nylon blouse, ancient skirt and only thing new was a pair of white socks, which I had to wash every night and dry. I saved up out of my pocket money to buy a blazer cos my mom didn't think it was important! No wonder I got bullied!
Let's just say we didn't have a pot to piss in!

Life as a teen was a lot better then life now. I managed to have money for vodka/MD 20/20, cigs and Chinese chips and curry sauce every weekend and the odd week day.

I have no idea where the money came from tbh I just always had it.

Never had lie ins though. I was the oldest of 5 by age 11 so I was always helping out. Aged 15 was hardest year and so far from entitled

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 10:04:56

I've remembered another one. Early nineties, someone saying that I was lucky to have had a good education leading straight to a fairly well-paid job. Entitled Me replied in all seriousness that University wasn't free, you know. Unlike school, I had to buy all my own books and give another student petrol money to get there. I also lived comfortably at home during those years hmm

<squirm>

Viviennemary Wed 30-Jan-13 10:06:05

I knew I was quite lucky as material things go when I was a teenager as I was an only one. And I knew people from bigger families who didn't get as much as I did. Maybe I was a bit entitled but I did know I was fortunate compared to a lot of people.

Chandras Wed 30-Jan-13 10:06:47

I don't know if I had a sense of entitlement, I had lot of big ideas and dreams on what I wanted to do in my life and a mother who kept saying I was born in the wrong family and I was never going to do that.

To say we were poor would be a big lie, we weren't BUT we didn't have pocket money, wore horrible clothes that my mother had selected because she thought they were acceptable (never had a sense for fashion I am afraid), and we couldn't be still for a moment without my mother handing us a new shore to do. As soon as we started working they stopped paying tuition fees and expected us to contribute to the expenses of the house. I was never so poor as a teenager/student as when I was working.

Having said that... I think I had a big sense of entitlement, I felt I was entitled to nice stuff, and a better life, and I was. By the age of 28 I had achieved every single dream I had while I was young through my own work. I have had a very interesting life so the only thing I miss now is to have a little bit more of that sense of entitlement to push me to do more things.

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 10:08:39

As you can tell, my utter brattishness continued well beyond the teenage years. I didn't grow up until I had DD and was plunged into one-parent full-time job health / debt problem hell, so I did do some penance for it grin

curryeater Wed 30-Jan-13 10:08:41

Wow, JustGettingOnWithIt, well done.

I was mixed. I was very privileged about some things - years of music lessons, never hungry, expected to do only reasonable amounts of housework, allowed to lie in indefinitely at weekends, given "clothing allowance" as a teenager to cover busfares and small amount of clothes shopping etc (not expected to go out and get a job). On the other hand my parents had a very old fashioned sense of what children needed and I had freakishly outlandish clothes as a child, very few of them, and was often bullied. This and other things led to serious MH issues and self harm which was studiously and completely swept under the carpet. I was never given a cuddle or a chat or a day off school and when I was desperately trying to make friends I was never given a lift anywhere, or allowed to get the bus anywhere, so was fiendishly lonely. In short, yes I was a whiny entitled little git, but I was also sick in the head and no one cared.

lizzypuffs Wed 30-Jan-13 10:09:48

Not at all. I was 'mummy's little helper' from age 2. Cooked, lit fires etc. Parents both worked and I always worked from age 12. Washing all of dads football team kits in an old twin tub for pocket money was my first job.

I remember being totally shocked by other peoples lifestyles when I went to 6th form.

GetOrf Wed 30-Jan-13 10:13:25

Not entitled at all, worked from 12 in the summer and in a pub in the evenings, had to live with a horrible family member, left home when I was 16 (firstly into accomodation tied to employment, and when I was 17 got a flat) and never went back, and have worked FT ever since.

I wouldn't want that for my dd. I certainly didn't want her to have a job before 16 (she has a pt job now) and I don't expect her to do all the housework etc. She contributes but I really enjoy pampering her and making sure she has a comfortable and contented life. She is probably a lot more entitled than I was - good.

GetOrf Wed 30-Jan-13 10:16:13

Oh bloody HELL at twin tubs and washing day.

My gran didn't get an automatic washing machine until 1992.

melika Wed 30-Jan-13 10:58:45

This thread has depressed me somewhat!

No Brownies,no dance class,no any class!, no encouragment, no music lessons, no taxi driver, no new anything (hardly), no nice warm home,no to my tv programmes, no money unless earned, no washing done for me, no Dad, no pony, no new bike, no room maid, no wonder I was fed up!

I must be thankful I had a lovely, jolly mom who I miss very much.

FirstTimeForEverything Wed 30-Jan-13 11:08:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vladthedisorganised Wed 30-Jan-13 11:12:07

It's interesting: depends on your definition of 'entitled' I guess.
I went out to work on Saturdays as soon as I could and paid a percentage of my income back for my keep. We drew up a contract of what I would need to pay for out of the remainder (e.g. leisure clothes) and what would be funded by my parents (e.g. school uniform). It seemed pretty fair to me.
My parents were very keen for me to go to university, it was expected that I would have a small allowance to cover my accomodation but would pay for everything after that.

I thought this was pretty fair and straightforward until I went to university. One girl's family were disgusted that she wasn't 'out earning', so she not only had to pay for her accommodation, food and bills, but had to send a certain amount of money home to make up for the 'shortfall'. Her parents were materially better off than mine but it seemed pretty skewed to me. Her DBro bought a new car for himself with the money she sent home hmm. I guess it made me realise how lucky I was that I didn't have that kind of pressure put on me.

That said, it also amazed me how many people I met who never paid rent to their parents and had never paid a bill in their life.

I was an annoying little toerag though; how my parents put up with my insistence on doing everything by candlelight and refusing to buy anything new because I wasn't going to be 'part of the capitalist machine' (despite working in a supermarket) I shall never know.

Fakebook Wed 30-Jan-13 11:14:26

Quite a lot. Then my mum died and that brought me back to earth with a bump.

TroublesomeEx Wed 30-Jan-13 11:21:38

I wasn't entitled at all.

My parents got many things wrong but they instil in me a gratitude and thankfulness for what I had and I pretty much just understood that it wasn't worth asking for certain things because they couldn't afford them and the last thing I'd have wanted is for them to have felt bad about that.

I did do ballet, brownies, swimming lessons and music lessons for 4 instruments at various times, but I did appreciate every opportunity I had.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Wed 30-Jan-13 11:28:23

Quite a lot, I think. My parents were comfortable and we had loads of opportunities which now I am extremely grateful for, but at the time, I think I really took all the activities and holidays etc for granted.

On the other hand, my siblings and I have all inherited the work ethic which went some way towards providing those opportunities - we all had part time jobs from as young as possible, worked through university for spending money. Parents paid for accommodation and tutition, we all paid for our own beer money.

I did subsequently have a massive "entitled" moment, when I moved home after my masters and got a very badly paying job which I needed for experience. It didnt occur to me to offer to pay rent/contribute to bills. My Dad mentioned it once, and my Mum disagreed with him as to the necessity of this. It somehow ended with me sending my Dad a chunk of cash, which he sent back and which may have gone back and forth a couple more times. Not even thinking to contribute was massively entitled, and now I am ashamed of myself.

Now, when my Dad comes to my house, he enjoys using my electrictiy and hot water a lot, and finds it hilarious how I am now the one going around turning lights off!

creighton Wed 30-Jan-13 12:11:52

'entitlement' didn't exist in the 70s and 80s. you were a child who was seen and not heard then you were supposed to leave school and become a tax and rent paying adult overnight. there was no such thing as raising your children's self esteem or having any rights.

Beamur Wed 30-Jan-13 12:26:31

I suspect a bit, but tempered by the fact that I clashed with my Dad and refused to accept pocket money from him (he would be a real pain about it) so I did babysitting from a young age and as soon as I was 15 I got a part time job in a shop. So I had to get up early, look presentable, work hard etc.
But I did expect my parents to fund me through Uni and when at 6th form they did provide me with a car, I paid the fuel out of my job, which included getting to school every day - I lived quite a way away from my school.
I helped out in the house too and did cleaning, ironing, got dinner ready sometimes.
I also worked during the Uni holidays and got a full time temping job within weeks of graduating and moved out of the family home soon after.
Growing up I knew money was tight so didn't ask for much - although I now know it probably wasn't as tight as my Dad made out, he just didn't want to spend it on anyone other than himself.

TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 12:27:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blimey - no not all.
I had a Saturday paying job from 13.
I had a job working 2 evening after school from 15.
Straight into a job at 16 and doing part time work out of normal hours.
Loved every minute of it though.
I am entitled now though. Mum and dad are fab and help their DD's out with all sorts of things. Bless 'em!

That's 2 evenings a week from age 14!

KenLeeeeeee Wed 30-Jan-13 12:41:14

Not at all. I was very aware - maybe too aware - that we were broke. My mum had a terrible accident at work when I was 14 which left her bed-bound for 2 months and we weren't sure if she would walk again. That snapped me out of any delusions of entitlement. I got my first job at 15 and did my best to buy any bits & bobs I wanted from then on to avoid asking my mum.

Thingiebob Wed 30-Jan-13 12:43:58

Threesypeasy Aren't you embarrassed by your attitude, and the fact you are raising your children to be the same?

Crinkle77 Wed 30-Jan-13 12:45:36

My parents would not have allowed me to be entitled. Like therugratref I too grew up on a farm but it was an arable one. If there was something that needed doing on the farm we were expected to help and I would not have dared say no. My mother would have killed me.

JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 14:03:17

I have to say having started this thread that I was a bit of a dreamer as a teenager but some things were just a given .....like we would have jobs after we left school etc . I just think my expectations were a bit unreal.....hence I couldn't believe I had to get up early to go to work placement etc.

Sometimes I look back and think "God I didnt know I was born".

How many can just leave school now and get a job though as I can remember some of my classmates doing?

I went to college and then into nursing so perhaps not as "entitled" as I think I was. grin grin

BellaVita Wed 30-Jan-13 14:10:36

Same as MrsRobertDuvall.... Leeds girl in the 70's, Saturday job, babysitting job. Had to save for stuff I wanted and had to help around the house.

I wouldn't want my son having the responsibility of looking after 4 siblings and a parent while the other parent was very ill and away from the home like I did but I wouldn't want him growing up expecting everything done for him

firesidechat Wed 30-Jan-13 14:20:51

'entitlement' didn't exist in the 70s and 80s. you were a child who was seen and not heard then you were supposed to leave school and become a tax and rent paying adult overnight. there was no such thing as raising your children's self esteem or having any rights.

creighton is spot on.

NatashaBee Wed 30-Jan-13 14:28:49

I hope I wasn't too bad - worked from age 13, did housework, didn't ask for anything once I had a paper round other than school uniform, paid for my own music lessons. I did often sulk about how unfair my life was - my parents were always very secretive about money and how much he earned, and how much bills were. I think if they'd sat me down and showed me their income and outgoings I might have understood that things were genuinely tight and they weren't just being mean.

JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 14:45:15

Srlf esteem though can need boosting and need not make a child or teenager "entitled", I am thinking here of DS who is autistic and needs bolstering from time to time. I suspect that warps my view a bit.

Interesting how many people had paper rounds as I had forgotten that....did a round for 2 years but it was the local paper which was evenings. None of that early morning nonsense wink .

Best of all is that although I was an idle wotsit in the morning at that age I am now up by 6am most days.....and unconscious by 9pm.grin

I dunno....perhaps I was better than I thought.

FairPhyllis Wed 30-Jan-13 15:41:11

I suppose I was materially very well off: private school, instrument and speech lessons, ballet before I got too tall, lots of pocket money, foreign travel etc. However I think it was a mixed picture - my parents were extremely strict about behaviour and academic work, and didn't allow me a lot of freedom of movement or allow me to get a Saturday job, which I would have liked - despite going endlessly on about how independent they were at their ages! So it was a bit suffocating and made me very strongly want to gain independence. I also had some regular small household jobs. So it was a safe and comfortable childhood but with very strict expectations.

I wasn't allowed things like a TV in my room or a phone, which lots of my friends had, or to watch lots of TV. I nearly passed out with shock when I saw someone my age with a mobile phone for the first time (this was in 1997) because "gadgets" like that were very much frowned upon. I was allowed to buy as many books as I wanted though!

I hope I'm not entitled now, although I do suppose I get a bit grumpy particularly when I think about how difficult it will be to ever buy a home in Britain.

cory Wed 30-Jan-13 15:49:00

"'entitlement' didn't exist in the 70s and 80s. you were a child who was seen and not heard then you were supposed to leave school and become a tax and rent paying adult overnight. there was no such thing as raising your children's self esteem or having any rights."

I think it depended on your family even in those days. Dh was born in 1960 and had a very close relationship to his parents and was certainly allowed to voice his opinions. Basically, they liked the company of their two boys, enjoyed talking to them and were interested to hear what they had to say. Such parents did exist even in the 70s and 80s. And dh's dad was born in 1909!

Andro Wed 30-Jan-13 15:51:31

My father was (and is) amazing, my relationship with my mother...somewhat more rocky (although adult to adult we get on better).

As a teenager I was a boarding school because my mother 'couldn't cope' with me and the twins (they were born when I was 12). As a result I have always been realistic and self-sufficient. The twins are pampered beyond belief!

usualsuspect Wed 30-Jan-13 15:55:16

My parents weren't strict at all. I could pretty much do what I liked once I was 16. I had plenty of opinions and rights. grin

curryeater Wed 30-Jan-13 16:07:08

FairPhyllis, what are you saying rings a bell - there were very very few things we were allowed to do (and it was impossible to do anything when no one would give you a lift, but you weren't allowed to get the bus), and yet we were always being told how rubbish we were for not doing anything.
Even at home, just making dinner was a control-freakazoid minefield of a million ways you could get things wrong.
I remember feeling guiltily relieved when a very confident, poised, competent cousin of mind confided that she was quite upset about how she was treated by my mum for using the wrong chopping board. I thought "thank goodness it isn't just me who is a worthless piece of shit who can't intuit all these bizarre rules"

chocoluvva Wed 30-Jan-13 16:34:26

I felt entitled to a free higher education, but didn't expect my mum to run around after me.

Saturday job from age 15 so no pocket money and didn't feel entitled to material things.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Wed 30-Jan-13 17:19:29

I wasn't entitled but my siblings were. I worked Saterdays and holidays and I babysat a lot. I loved working and earning money and saved most of it. I got myself sponsored to go to college so I was earning and receiving a grant as a student.
My siblings didn't work at school and were unemployed and unemployable for years until a family member employed them. I love them but they are still lazy gits.
Same parents but a very different sense of entitlement.

pixi2 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:32:34

Entitled? In one way I was very privileged. I got a job at 14 but only because I wanted it. I didn't need it.

In another way, my parents were really strict. I couldn't be out later than half eight even in the holidays except if I was in a dance show at the theatre or the school play/orchestra etc.

My siblings and I took it in turns to cook a roast dinner on Sunday and wash the pots. My chores were cleaning the house on Saturday mornings and my grandmas house on Sunday mornings.

I was allowed to look after myself once I'd turned 16. Clubbing all hours, going to school, and maintaining my chores.

Annunziata Wed 30-Jan-13 17:37:09

I wasn't entitled. I was brought up to cook and clean for my brothers (now you are talking entitlement with them!). I worked from 12 and left school at 16, but I handed in all my wages until I was married- I wouldn't have even thought of not handing in. My parents were so strict. I wasn't allowed in DH's car until I was married! My curfew was midnight and my dad would be at the bus stop or outside work waiting for me. It sounds awful, but I was happy.

deleted203 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:54:58

Not entitled, I don't think. Grew up in the 70s. Lucky to have a very close, happy family - but there was little money to spare and it was always expected that if you wanted something then you had to graft for it. Picking strawberries in season from age 9 or so. Worked from age 14 every weekend, and 7 days a week in the holidays - cycling 8 miles to a cafe and working 8.00am - 6.00pm then cycling home again. (Were there any laws on child employment grin? No one seemed worried by the hours we put in). I was earning 60p an hour! Can remember saving for ages to buy a skirt from Dorothy Perkins that cost £10 (no such thing as Primark then). Babysitting Fri/Sat nights. No one made me work - but I didn't get pocket money so if you didn't work you couldn't buy stuff. No one ran us about - you walked or biked, and from the age of 15 ish grabbed yourself a 17 yo bf with a car. (Rural area). Plenty of chores at home such as washing up, hoovering, ironing - all of us (including the boys) were expected to help out and we did so cheerfully without expecting it to be any different. Left home at 17 and have always worked. We were brought up to do so. On the other hand we did have a lot more freedom, I think. As kids we roamed for miles with a picnic - my Ma wouldn't really have had a clue where to look for us if we hadn't come home. I don't think it did us any harm - it toughened us up. People have always airily said 'Oh sowornout will cope' and I do, mostly because it doesn't occur to me not to. We were generally brought up to think that nothing is handed to you on a plate, shit happens and you just have to get on with things without moaning about them. Thinking about being a child what mostly occurs to me is that adults were really sharp and harsh with you, actually. Teachers were sarcastic often - no one was worried about damaging our fragile little egos and if you fell and cut your knee in the school playground you could guarantee that a 'dinner lady' on duty would say briskly, 'stop weeping - there's nothing wrong with you. Off you go'. No central heating, no phone at home,only BB1, BBC2 and Yorkshire on the telly. No internet, no video recorders, what appeared to be mostly 'brown' clothes (and basically only about 4 outfits). I do think that as a teenager I was a lot more independent and able to fend for myself more than teens are today. I had a pretty happy time.

bluecarrot Wed 30-Jan-13 18:10:32

I wasnt entitled as such, but as a family we were "comfortable" and if I wanted something I dont think I was ever told no. (Though to be fair, I wasnt materialistic and the things I asked for werent ridiculous by any means - a magazine once a month or whatever.)

I had no idea about the real honest to god poverty a few miles from my home. sad

skratta Wed 30-Jan-13 18:12:46

I suppose, materially, I was well off, and possibly entitled. We had horses (but they were scruffy things first of all, and the only reason we cold afford them was that my mother taught people how to ride and gave tourists riding tours of the local area, we were in Lapland so we had a lot of tourists!). I had music lessons, swimming lessons and a room for myself, and we didn't struggle much for money.

However, from about eight, my step dad (dad had died when I was four sad) woke me up at about five thirty, I'd muck out the horses, caught the ones in the pasture, helped groom as many as I could before it was eight thirty. School in my country started at nine thirty, so later than most, although I think that might have changed since then, so I got changed again, and helped my older brothers and my mum make breakfast, fed the dogs (my step dad took tourists on husky rides, so similar to my mum, and also bred them and helped train sled dogs for local people) and give their coats a scrub over, as they had very, very thick fur. In summer, I would then spend the remaining thirty minutes relaxing, then I'd walk to school. In winter, either it was too dark to go to school or two heavy snow, on the midst if winter, due to location, or I'd go to school then, because if we helped move the heavy snow around the snow, we got free hot chocolate and biscuits.

So I woke up early, did a lot of chores, helped with my little brothers and sisters (big family, I'd look after one from about eleven, but usually my older brothers looked after the three youngest, until I was about fourteen) and I paid for clothes which weren't uniform, and from fifteen I had a job, by eighteen I had three, and paid my way to university.

However, like I mentioned, I was also given a lot. For instance, I had my own nice room, and found it a shock to be in the box room I had at university, so I was entitled in space. Although I would help prepare breakfast, snacks and cook supper every now and then when I was an older teenager, I could rely on my mother for a lot. I was regularly given money, as well as pocket money, for trips out with friends, I was allowed to be picky and choosy about food, and more.

So, materially, I was entitled. But working and earning wise, I wasn't, I think.

skratta Wed 30-Jan-13 18:14:18

It sounds like I did the horse things on my own! Obviously, my step dad, my mum and my older brothers, and when I was older, my younger but still old sisters and brothers helped. It was quite easy and fun in a way, but boring.

skratta Wed 30-Jan-13 18:15:07

School, not snow. Sorry.

pixi2 Wed 30-Jan-13 18:16:01

Just thinking, my parents were actually really clever. I was the dreamy artistic one and had a free hand to rearrange the rooms however I liked whilst cleaning. One of my siblings was an animal lover and really outdoorsy so they got the animal and garden chores. Another was a bit of a loner and tearaway and they had to escort my grandma and her friends to the nearest supermarket (a 50min bus ride away, shop, take them for a drink and help them back). The tearaway soon learnt over cups of tea and cake that there was nothing new, these old ladies had been there, done it and burnt the t shirt.

OverlyYappyAlways Wed 30-Jan-13 18:22:29

I was an avon lady at 13. grin I also worked Saturday in my mums clothes shop. I always seemed to have money. I wanted to go to college and be a painter and decorater, my Dad refused and told me to go work in an office, or a bank.

My first job. I chose between 2, one was a 30 minute bus journey in an Estate Agents, the other was a shorter journey but more walking in a building society with less money, I chose the Estate Agents and spent days, buying Newspapers, buying cakes, making lunch and a bit of filing, my boss was an alcoholic so I walk out after 6 months of garlic breathe and alcohol breathe abuse daily.

Found another job, in 2 months, 2 buses away, but loved it, was promoted and trained up on how to speak properly blush use a data base and use a Word Processing system, sadly they then went bankrupt.

3 months after that moved onto another great job, I was 18 by this time, 30 minute bus journey, lots of respect, stayed at home, bought a car, every items of clothing I owned was designer. Lived for the weekends, partying and sleeping. Tried to move out but was broke and couldn't party, so moved home again.....

I miss being a teenager, well after 14.

Lifeisontheup Wed 30-Jan-13 18:37:48

I wasn't allowed to get a Saturday job as we lived miles from anywhere with very few buses but did have to help with all of the housework as Mum worked full-time. I could cook, clean and iron by the time I was 12 and mow the lawn and walk the dog.
We were fairly poor, couldn't afford holidays unless it was a week in a friends caravan, couldn't afford a TV but my parents were very good at stretching money and I never went hungry.
I did think that my opinion about world events was more knowledgeable than my parents, I think I forgot that they had lived through and in the case of my Dad fought in a world war and had seen things that I will hopefully never see and so had earned their right to opinions at least on most things.blush
They were very kind though and just smiled tolerantly when I spouted on about things.

Yfronts Wed 30-Jan-13 18:47:26

no parental attention, no money, the expectation of completing chores unlike my brothers.

My kids have to do chores too but they get lots of attention and a few more free treats despite lack of fund.

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 30-Jan-13 20:29:32

I started work at 13 - I did babysitting, worked in a local shop/cafe and did shifts for my mum in her antique shop. I didn't get a lot of pocket money as I was expected to earn my own.

I left for uni at 18, my parents did not subsidise me as I got a loan (and very small grant) and used money I'd saved from working 3 jobs in the holidays. Husband (then boyfriend) and I then rented our own place once I graduated.

Wabbally Wed 30-Jan-13 20:50:54

I was ridiculously entitled.

I thoroughly resented my mum finding me a job in the 6 week holidays when I was 16 (They gave me all the money I needed for my Friday night fag and booze habit, why the fuck should I work for it?!) then resented her making me get a Saturday job while I was at College.

Funnily enough, I decided not to go to Uni and get a job instead as I soon realised the value of earning your own money!

MummytoKatie Wed 30-Jan-13 20:51:57

Fairly I think. Especially the year I was in upper 6th. I was doing 5 A-levels and got myself an offer from Cambridge. (Which my dad had applied for and not got into.) I really needed a part time job (in order to finance ridiculously short skirts, trips to the pub with my friends and other necessities) and my parents said that if I spent the time I would have spent working studying the they would give me the money I would have earned.

In my defence I did work ridiculously hard at my A-levels. (So much so that my parents were quite worried I would make myself ill and started a "maximum revision hours a day" chart (12 on a weekend and 5 on a school day I think) and would come in, take my books away and send me out for a walk with my dad at 11pm each night.

Or does the second paragraph just make me sound even more spoilt?

Adversecamber Wed 30-Jan-13 20:58:31

I was given nothing a a child and was running the house from 13, Mum was widowed and had a breakdown, also had a Saturday job from that age. When I was in the sixth form I worked in a big supermarket two evenings a week and all day Saturday. To say I didn't even have a childhood is an understatement. I have never felt entitled. I also studied at University part time for many years when working full time. Is a bit of a grew up in box on side of the road kind of a story.

It has made me a very practical and resourceful person.

Hassled Wed 30-Jan-13 20:58:32

This is a really interesting thread - can I ask those posters who weren't entitled at all how that has affected how they treat their own teenagers, if they have them?

I had a very rough time of it as a teenager, culminating in my mother dying when I was 16 and me moving into lodgings at that age. So I've massively overcompensated with my own DCs, and I'd say they probably are very entitled. It gives me a great deal of pleasure to give them the easy life and the security I didn't have.

gordyslovesheep Wed 30-Jan-13 21:03:41

Not really - I was a teen in 1983 and a latch key kid from the age of 11 - I had to make tea, clean, do washing etc - not like Cinderella - more as part of the family where we all pulled our weight

also from age 14 I was involved in the Labour and Trades Union movement and spending weekends at Greenham grin

As soon as I worked I paid a 3rd of my income in keep

My kids have a much more comfortable lifestyle but I expect them to help out at home and muck in

BegoniaBampot Wed 30-Jan-13 21:05:00

Left school at 16 on the Friday and started a full time job on the Monday. Already had a part time job so had two jobs. Earned about 65 quid a week in all, gave mum 10 quid a week but paid for everyone else myself like clothes, toiletries, holidays etc. I didn't feel hard done by.

Parents had always left us to get on with it, never walked or drove us to school, classes, clubs even when we ere little.

Bingdweller Wed 30-Jan-13 21:11:05

Mum worked incredibly hard as a nurse and dad was self employed, never much cash to go round. I had part-time jobs from the age of 13/14 and often worked two jobs around school. I had the time of my life, it fostered an amazing sense of independence and I made some lifelong friends who I would never have met otherwise.

I was expected to help out a lot at home, doing weekly shoppings aged 11, cleaning etc. but I accepted we had to help mum out (she often worked nights).

My upbringing has shaped me into the person I am today and I love my parents for ensuring I HAD to contribute to the running of the house.

My parents were not very involved/interested or encouraging regarding school work, I do resent them slightly for this as I think my life could have taken a different path (university). I was above average in terms of being academic, however I never felt much guidance or support to steer me towards a future career path. I will definitely do things differently with my own DC.

Annunziata Wed 30-Jan-13 21:13:00

I don't know if I've overcompensated with mine. I was brought up to do absolutely everything for my brothers and I can't help but do the same for my DC, although they are all extremely hardworking.

JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 21:13:33

I actually think I was pretty unrealistic about the "real"world but on the other hand I didn't shy away from work once I hit 16. I went to college but was expected to get a Saturday job to give myself my own pocket money.

I will hope that DS can do the same as well

deleted203 Wed 30-Jan-13 22:28:11

Hassled I think I've brought my DCs up fairly similarly to the way I was brought up, IYSWIM. (Obviously we have central heating and less brown clothes, lol). However, they have always been expected to do a reasonable amount around the house, like I was and do so cheerfully because it's always been that way. I don't make anyone work - but money's always been fairly tight and we live in an area where it's quite easy for teens to find a part time job (seaside town). The attitude I took was that I can only afford to give you about £5 a week pocket money, in return for chores. If you want more, well, you need to earn it. DDs both worked from about 14 when their wants and needs for make up/clothes, etc outstripped their budget. DS didn't want much - cheerfully wore clothes his Ma bought him without needing extra money so he was 16 before he decided he'd get a job, and did so. I don't take anything off them (unlike my Mother) but expect them to save half so that they aren't skint all winter when their hours at work drop off! They certainly get taxied about a lot more than I ever was, but that's probably it. They all say they are a lot less spoiled than any of their friends, but are actually quite grateful for the fact that they have had to stand on their own two feet a bit.

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 31-Jan-13 07:49:10

Hassled I don't have teenagers yet, give me about 6 years and I'll answer you again! Like sowornout I lived in a seaside place where people offered you jobs rather than have to go and get one, so it was the norm among my friends to work part time as a teenager.

whiteflame Thu 31-Jan-13 08:01:14

Like many posters are saying I had a part time job from 14 (full time in holidays from 15), and a paper round before that. Driving self to school from 15 (not UK).

Still, I was really naiive about the ways of the world. As you might expect from a 15 year old. And frankly I don't believe those saying they weren't.

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