To not have a birthday party for my 3yr old ?

(33 Posts)
JingleUpTheHighway Tue 29-Jan-13 16:39:47

Dd1 is turning 3 next week .

MIL has just called to ask what the arrangements are for her birthday party and wondering if I want her to bring any food to the venue confused .

She was shocked when I said we hadn't arranged anything and will probably have a birthday tea that she is welcome to come to .

I then got a rant of how dd is missing out and I need to have a party just like her friends son who turned 3 yesterday . Apparently I could invite all of her toddler group friends .

Firstly , my two DDs are the only children on my side of the family . DH has a 2.5yr old niece .

All our friends are either childless or have kids in their teens.

I just don't see the point in spending over £100 on a soft play venue or whatever for a 3 yr old - she will never see her toddler friends again when she starts nursery in a few months .

We are planning a nice day out somewhere then a birthday tea.

AIBU ?? Really ??

YANBU!!! A party is not a necessity smile

Pandemoniaa Tue 29-Jan-13 16:42:53

YANBU. Family tea is much nicer than a formal party for a 3 year old.

BlueberryHill Tue 29-Jan-13 16:42:59

YANBU, there is no point really, I think a birthday tea sounds lovely. There is plenty of time for the hell that is children's parties.

KellyElly Tue 29-Jan-13 16:46:42

I only had a party when DD was 1 (she's three now) just because it was her first birthday but was only family and was at my house. Since then I've just taken her to the zoo one year and the Aquarium another year. It's a lot to spend when they won't remember it imo. Leave parties until she's a bit older. A birthday tea sounds perfect.

MsMarple Tue 29-Jan-13 16:48:24

Family tea sounds really nice for a 3 year old. If you wanted to do something with others of her age (or just to appease MIL) how about just taking a cake and candles to the toddler group on the day nearest her birthday?

DeepRedBetty Tue 29-Jan-13 16:50:39

I didn't have a riot organised party for ddtwins until they were five. Before that it was tea with a couple other children, no more, and the aunts and grannies.

elliejjtiny Tue 29-Jan-13 16:53:36

YANBU. I still do a day out and family tea for my childrens birthdays and my eldest is 6. I've started giving DS1 a choice between party and day out and he always picks the day out.

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 29-Jan-13 17:01:29

I was just going to post something along similar lines as DS2 is 3 in 2 weeks. I had never planned to have a party, but he keeps going on about how he is going to be 3 and have presents and a PARTEEEE.

He isn't and hope he will be satisfied with a family tea with balloons and gifts! I feel the guilt.........

Sirzy Tue 29-Jan-13 17:03:03

Ds is 3 and hasn't had a party yet and won't for as long as I can get away with it

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 29-Jan-13 17:05:27

DS1 was 4 when he had his first party. He was at nursery by then and had actual friends. We did 2 more house parties for 5 & 6 and now thank god we are on to swimming and pizza with a couple of friends for his 7th. Childrens parties really can be hell on a stick!

MolotovCocktail Tue 29-Jan-13 17:11:29

YANBU.

A birthday tea is nice for a 3yo. Our DD1 turns 4yo next month and rather than a party (which she was offered) we're taking her on a fee outings to her favourite places.

Personally, I'd prefer a party which includes friends she's individually selected because she gets on with them the most, doing an activity they all enjoy. I'd rather that and pay £100-£150 than have her entire class to a venue just because you can't not invite all her classmates at the moment.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Tue 29-Jan-13 17:16:47

My ds has never had a proper party (hes 3), as he only has one friend. i feel sad about that especially as he thinks everyone has one. But we havent anyone to invite. Hes had small family dooo's/tea but thats been it... that still cost enough.

Its not like hes going to go his whole childhood without a party unlike me, but im not bitter... not bitter at all!!

Lambzig Tue 29-Jan-13 17:17:18

YANBU and so pleased to read this.

DD is three in February and has been going to lots of parties of nursery friends in soft play centres etc with 20 children. I just cant face it (have an eleven week old DS) or afford it, so my plan is to have a birthday tea for four of her friends (which will mean 8 children due to second siblings and 8 adults in my small house so no room for more), but have been feeling horribly guilty about it.

For her 1st birthday we had an NCT tea party for all our little ones and for her second we were in Barcelona.

Maybe I dont have to be guilty about it after all.

mameulah Tue 29-Jan-13 17:28:39

I think your daughter's birthday celebrations sound lovely. Really lovely! I hope you have the confidence to carry on as you had planned and enjoy a genuine happy moment with your family and not be persuaded to have an over the top celebration to appease the masses.

I am a teacher and a new Mum, my son is 9 weeks old today, so maybe my ideas will change in time but I have spent years handing out masses of party invitations to classes of children. The worst one ever being when I had to hand out invitations to everyone in the class because the child who was having the party was new and didn't know who the people being invited to the party were.

Enjoy your daughter's birthday celebrations, as long as she gets a 'moment' she will, I am sure, be delighted!

LetsKateWin Tue 29-Jan-13 17:34:27

YANBU. We weren't planning to have one for DD's 3rd but after watching Peppa's birthday party episode, she spent months asking when hers would be so it seemed cruel not to.

JingleUpTheHighway Tue 29-Jan-13 17:52:30

For some strange reason I feel really guilty about not having a soft play party for her hmm

The thing is MIL doesn't seem to get that we couldn't afford a day out and a party for her - I'd much prefer the day out so we can have nice family time.

I would love to look back on photos and say oh that's where we went for your 3rd birthday .....

Not looking at pictures of a bunch of kids we don't know?!

VinegarDrinker Tue 29-Jan-13 17:58:01

We're doing a compromise for DS's 2nd - our flat is too small for a tea party for grandparents, aunts, uncles etc, so we're sharing the cost of hiring a small hall (£15 each) with 2 NCT friends. We'll just have some toys out, sandwiches, balloons and cake, invite family and the couple of toddlers we do know well, and maybe have one game of pass the parcel.

BeeMyBaby Tue 29-Jan-13 17:58:05

YANBU- my dd1 also turns 3 next week and will be going to soft play with her cousin, followed by a homemade birthday cake at home.

spiritedaway Tue 29-Jan-13 18:41:48

YANBU. . family tea for our 2yr old to. Most 2 to 3 year old are forced to share and be nice to other toddlers every day of the year. . usually against their wishes. Let them have a day off on their birthday

MsAkimbo Tue 29-Jan-13 20:47:16

YANBU. At all.

It's fun days out with her family she will consider special memories, not massive insane parties with kids she won't know next year. Also, when you think about it, it's so presumptuous of parents to throw their children in a room together and tell them, "these are your friends, dear."

....I digress grin

Point being, she'll have many a party with loads of friends in the future. Family time is precious.

Your DMIL will just have to lie to her neighbours about her grandchild's birthday party because I'm sure they give a shit

merrymouse Tue 29-Jan-13 20:55:38

YANBU.

If

a) She has been invited to a large number of birthday parties and you feel the only way that you can reciprocate is by having a birthday party yourself (as opposed to just inviting people over)

and/or

b) She has actually verbalised a wish to have a birthday party.

and

c) you could afford it,

you might feel obliged to have a party for her.

Otherwise she is 3. She really won't care.

steppemum Tue 29-Jan-13 21:07:17

I do at home parties most of the time, we can't afford soft play. We have about 6-10 kids and do all the old party games and a craft and birthday tea etc. Always great success.

But I wouldn't feel th eneed to do it at 3. I would have a birthdya tea with family, make it an occasion get some balloons and some fun food bits. If you want more invite 2 -3 friends like a playdate.

And although it is nice to reciprocate. i cannot reciprocate other peoples soft play parties. I just do what we can afford and feel comfortable with.

JingleUpTheHighway Tue 29-Jan-13 21:16:12

Thanks for the replies .

DD1 doesn't really have any "friends" - she attends a toddler group once a week and although she joins in , she doesn't have friends as such.

There really is nobody to invite ! blush

Birthday tea and a nice day out is what we will cherish . I might even ask family if they want to go for a nice meal and bring a cake and balloons for her so it will still be special !

Yfronts Tue 29-Jan-13 21:18:48

Party tea with family is great. If she had a best friend he/she could come too. We started with small parties aged 4.

edwinbear Tue 29-Jan-13 21:22:49

YADNBU. When DS was 3 we went swimming with his 2 cousins, followed by McDonalds (a very rare treat) and a cake. It was a fantastic day, he still talks about it 6 months later.

Zappo Tue 29-Jan-13 21:27:24

My DD is 5. We have not had a birthday party that includes non family members yet. DD is fine with this. She has only been to about 3 birthday parties and in my experience there were a lot of bored children running up and down not sure what to do with themselves and a lot of parents standing round not knowing what to do either.

YADNBU My dd was 3 last week and we did have a party, but she goes to pre-school with the children she will eventually go to school with and has childminder where she sees the other children daily and I am friends with a lot of the mums who I have known since we all went to baby clinic together so it was lovely to catch up with them while the children ran riot at the play centre. I had 14 kids there and they all loved it and she'd been asking to have a birthday party for months.

If your LO isn't bothered, you don't have kids in the family and he doesn't have friends I really wouldn't do it. Celebrate in the way you and your child will enjoy the most and stuff what anyone else thinks.

LaLake Fri 01-Feb-13 14:07:15

Well halleflippingluja! I have been worrying about this very same thing as my DD is turning 3 very soon, but now I've read all your posts I can happily fling all party ideas out the window and just get the Grands over again. Cake and presents get her all excited anyway so that's enough. And balloons, which she loves although they mysteriously don't last long in our house (I pop them when she's in bed - evil mother. But they are a trip hazard when you're carrying another baby!) I will also take some fairy cakes to her nursery for snack time so she feels she's had a bit of a fuss made of her with her 'friends'.

Phew. I feel much better now. Thank you MNers xx

CatsRule Fri 01-Feb-13 14:34:32

Yanbu.

Your dd won't know to care if she has a party or not. All she will care about is getting your attention.

Hence the reason inlaws that I am not having a party for my ds's 1st birthday...he will be 1 and will not care as long as he has attentiin from dh and I, which he happily gets everyday.

quesadilla Fri 01-Feb-13 14:40:39

YANBU. I think parties below the age of about 4/5 are a bit of a waste of time and money. The kids inevitably get too het up and over-excited to enjoy things and don't really understand what its all about before that point.
In any case its none of your MIL's business. I don't know what your relationship with her is like; in your place I'd be tempted to tell her to get her sticky beak out of your domestic arrangements.

feetheart Fri 01-Feb-13 14:52:55

Day out and birthday tea is a lovely idea - your DD still gets to be the centre of attention in a way that doesn't involve hassle, stress, noise, over-excited 3-year olds and vast expense. No brainer really in my book.
Disclaimer - I am seen by my friends as a hard-hearted so-and-so as I told my two that they could have a party at 5 and 10 and then hope that 18 is the next one smile DD is 10 this year and doesn't want a party, just a few friends for a sleepover, DS is 7 and has already planned his 10th hmm
Go with your instinct, I hope you all have a lovely time.

lesmisfan Fri 01-Feb-13 19:21:02

My DS isn't having one, he will have his siblings and cousins over for tea and will have a cake and a balloon on his chair and will sing happy birthday. Perfect.

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