to want to know, how you deal with nosey questions you don't want to answer?

(45 Posts)
redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 11:42:05

family do coming up, will see realatives i havent seen in years.

i expect i will be asked all sorts of nisey questions i do not want to anwser, for various reasons

so what are good responses to questions you dont want ot answer?

i use

we'll see......

not sure......

not at the moment.......

i have various reasons.......

what do you say?

weeblueberry Tue 29-Jan-13 11:45:22

Depends on the question and how personal it is...

hellocatty Tue 29-Jan-13 11:46:09

If it was friends or mums at school I would say "why do you want to know?" but if it is elderly rellies asking awkward questions but essentially nice people I would say any of your stock phrases quickly followed by changing the subject.

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 11:46:59

oh yeah why do you want to know is a good one

AnyFucker Tue 29-Jan-13 11:47:20

A direct stare and "why would you need to know that?"

I personally always opt for sarcasm followed by an OTT laugh and a swift change of subject.

Fakebook Tue 29-Jan-13 11:53:05

Any questions about babies I'd respond with: "I don't think my sex life is any of your business".

Any questions about how much you earn or incomings: "Enough".

Can't think of any other nosey questions that would piss me off.

SomethingProfound Tue 29-Jan-13 11:53:37

My sister was once asked by our Uncle if she was going to have her tubes tide seeing as she didn't plan on having children hmm

We have both now developed the strategy of saying "oh I don't know" or "I haven't thought about it" when asked intrusive questions followed by an equally nosey question of our own soon shuts them up.

emsyj Tue 29-Jan-13 11:56:01

I'm a <blank look> "I haven't thought about it" person too - unless of course it's a factual question, in which case you can just pretend you didn't hear and ignore the question altogether. Just smile. If they repeat the question, you can smile and say, "Sorry..?" and then say, "Oh I can't hear properly sorry" and then smile and walk away, or change the subject, or strike up a conversation with someone else nearby or whatever.

Depends on whether you want them to back the fuck off from asking personal questions or you're prepared to have the same conversation whenever you meet up.

If the former I'd say something like 'that's a bit personal and I don't really want to discuss it' (accepting of course that if they're nosy they'll gossip between themselves about you!). If it's the later any of your suggestions are fine.

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 12:02:45

how about, wow thats a really nosey question isnt it?

redexpat Tue 29-Jan-13 12:11:30

I don't wish to discuss that with you mother. An accompanying steely glare helps.

MummytoMog Tue 29-Jan-13 12:20:08

When people asked if we knew what we were having (when I was up the duff of course) I used to say that we had hoped for a kitten, but it had turned out to be a baby.

Otherwise, I tend to go for the, oh well, not really sure, haven't considered it yet approach. Unless you've had some really major body modifications done about which they're madly curious, in which case you should tell them that the ALIENS did it.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Tue 29-Jan-13 13:00:50

Death Stare. I have a slightly lazy eye, which helps with that.

DixieD Tue 29-Jan-13 13:04:33

Mind your own business, followed by a laugh.

Andro Tue 29-Jan-13 13:06:20

MummytoMog

That made me laugh!

How I deal with personal questions depends on the person and the question, my body language or expression usually communicates my thoughts effectively.

GilmoursPillow Tue 29-Jan-13 13:10:06

My lovely but rather paranoid friend responded to a question I asked (which was actually totally innocent and non-intrusive) with "You ask a lot of questions, don't you?"

It shut me up grin although I bitched to DH about it later

pluCaChange Tue 29-Jan-13 13:10:51

"You'll find out along with everyone else. Through Facebook." wink

HecateWhoopass Tue 29-Jan-13 13:14:14

I turn it round on them

why are you asking
why do you need to know that
how much do you earn?
grin

or just ignore the question and talk about cats or something.

or laugh and say crikey, what's with the third degree

or fling my arms wide and say NOBODY expects the spanish inquisition..

ok. I'm lying with that last one grin but it would be funny as hell.

I did once ask a bloke who was asking me really personal questions how big his dick was.

he walked away. grin

I was drunk at the time. wouldn't have the guts to do something like that sober grin

a short swift what the Fecks it got to do with you grin but then I can be quite rude when pushed

theodorakisses Tue 29-Jan-13 16:26:25

When we first lived abroad, women on buses used to ask me how many children I had (aged 20 something) and I said none and they used to say "why, what wrong, you cancer, your husband broken, God will hate you" I used to smile and plug my earphone back into, later on and extremely and satisfyingly, the Russell Brand radio show podcast.

CailinDana Tue 29-Jan-13 16:34:45

I just say "I don't know," or "I haven't thought about it," or I just ignore the question. If it's a leading question, beloved of my mother, like "You don't really mind if anything goes wrong in labour do you?" (in response to me shock horror wanting a homebirth) I just give a one word response (in this case, "No") and don't react. Goading questions are the worst, it's so hard not to rise to them.

amicissimma Tue 29-Jan-13 17:52:48

'If I told you I'd have to kill you'.

kitbit Tue 29-Jan-13 18:00:48

'Oh that's an interesting question!'
Followed by a big smile and a change of subject. Drives MIL nuts HAHAHA

elizaregina Tue 29-Jan-13 18:07:29

i dont know if its been said but i always like the technique of answering a question you dont want by asking another questin and putting them in the hot seat.

Jamdoughnutfiend Tue 29-Jan-13 18:08:34

Depends on how rude forthright I am feeling - my favourite it " if you can tell me how it's any of your business, I'd be happy to discuss it with you"

badtemperedaldbitch Tue 29-Jan-13 18:12:54

I always say 'ha ha ha, now what about.......'
And change the subject.

It works because they think you are a looney.......

BumpingFuglies Tue 29-Jan-13 18:36:17

"Not sure really....how are your piles?"

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 19:30:25

if you can tell me how it's any of your business, I'd be happy to discuss it with you

ohh thats good

ImperialBlether Tue 29-Jan-13 19:56:38

What are they likely to ask you, OP?

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 21:17:28

stuff like when are you goign ot have another child, when are you going back to work, what are your plans etc?

deste Tue 29-Jan-13 21:21:47

I would just say, wait and see. There is no point in being rude.

toomuchbother Tue 29-Jan-13 21:24:07

"Oh, I haven't decided/thought about it yet" works for me!

DoItToJulia Tue 29-Jan-13 21:24:26

I say "I don't answer personal questions!" But in a cheeky way....

Throws 'em right off!

sixlostmonkeys Tue 29-Jan-13 21:28:57

when are you going to have another child? - Not sure, we are thinking of breeding alligators instead.

when are you going back to work? - you mean I haven't actually been working all this time? darn I could have had lie-ins.

what are your plans? - World domination followed by a new carpet for the living room.

carabos Tue 29-Jan-13 21:29:28

I find that the answer "well you always want more don't you" works surprisingly well as an all-purpose neutral answer. Try it...
Nosey q about money - answer "Well you always want more don't you?"
Nosey q about kids/ prospective pregnancies "Well you always want more don't you?"
Nosey q about moving house - "well you always want more don't you?".

It's a slightly odd response which could make sense and makes the inquisitor pause in a "is it me?" kind of way.

MerlotAndMe Tue 29-Jan-13 21:31:07

"ah is this the charming English reserve?"

(but this works better as I'm foreign)

DontmindifIdo Tue 29-Jan-13 21:40:13

When I was asked when I'd be having a next child at a wedding when DS was 18 months, I smiled and said, "not sure, but I know so many people who haven't been able to have any children, I feel so blessed to have him, he's such a love isn't he? MIL was saying how much he looks like DH did at that age, what do you think?"

Now, I thought Id dealt with that well, however the general concensus after that in DH's family was that I couldn't have any more DCs, so possibly not the way to go...

For work type questions, do you have an answer to it? Do you have a plan for being SAHM or going back after a set amount of time? Is it that you feel you are being judged by the question? Like there's a right and wrong answer?

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 21:43:21

no i justdon't like being asked various questions, from people i'm not keen on

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 21:43:59

when are you going back to work? - you mean I haven't actually been working all this time? darn I could have had lie-ins. lol at this

totallyfrazzled Tue 29-Jan-13 22:36:10

I've been used to this as, when expecting twins, i was constantly asked by total strangers "is it IVF?'
When a dear friend asked the same question in a tentative and tearful way, I of course, gave an honest answer as I knew why she was asking. (Ie she had been trying for a while, it wasn't happening and she was desperate for help)
For the total strangers who I thought had the most unbelievable nerve - I mean, who the hell did they think they were asking such a question, and why did they think they deserved an answer?? I would just lie blatantly in answer, which i think is all they deserved and frankly as they were complete strangers who I would never see again, it did not matter a hoot to me that I was dishing out a load of total rubbish.

In a long winded way, I am trying to say, if you think they are out of order asking a particular question, they deserve a ridiculous answer....let your imagination run riot!!

LineRunner Tue 29-Jan-13 22:38:59

My DSis says 'Who knows?' and laughs. She's very good at this kind of thing.

LittleChimneyDroppings Tue 29-Jan-13 22:39:57

Just say "nosey aren't you?" with a big smile on your face. And if they carry on then tell them to mind their own beeswax, in the nicest possible way.

Idreamofafullnightssleep Tue 29-Jan-13 22:45:41

I just go for the cringe factor!

We always got asked when we were going to have children and after years of going 'we are having too much fun' etc I just turned round to people and told them I couldn't have children. The look on their faces always amused me especially as they tried to apologise and backtrack. I would like to hope that they would think again before asking the same question and maybe/probably upsetting someone.

I now have stock answers for questions I get about my DS who we adopted last year. It is great that people take an interest but it is his story to tell not mine and I have some vague answers so I am not rude as I can understand people wanting to know how the system works etc.

ArtVandelay Tue 29-Jan-13 22:46:44

Personally, I like ahhaha- goodness, you are funny Haha.. subject change.

If its about money or property I will say oh dear, you can't ask an English person questions like that - we simply can't discuss that! Subject change. Not sure this will work with another English person.

Both imply the asker is a bit daft and provincial. I find this approach works well. Overall, confidence is the key.

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