to be having a little giggle that friend's plan for night feeding before birth didn't last up to the reality

(78 Posts)
kim147 Mon 28-Jan-13 11:07:57

I know - night feeding is absolutely exhausting. Up for a long time and knackering.

But friend of mine showed me her nursery before baby was born and explained it would be a quick feed in a dark room before putting her down again to sleep.

I smiled politely. Seems the reality isn't quite like that and there've been several FB updates about being knackered with long feeds etc.

I have every sympathy as I've been there. But inside there's a little smile - isn't that awful of me.

AnyFucker Mon 28-Jan-13 11:13:18

I always have to suppress a smug little smile when 1st time expectant parents talk about how having a baby won't change their life, and baby will just have to slot into their routine.

lyndie Mon 28-Jan-13 11:15:38

I was planning on studying for an exam during my mat leave. "So much time when the baby is sleeping!" My 2 bosses at the time just smiled, they both had 3 children. I'm pretty sure I didn't even open a book!

CatsRule Mon 28-Jan-13 11:16:25

Yes! grin

But I see where you are coming from...I have had lots of unsolicited advice from someone who has no children about they way things should be, what I should be doing etc. Now just to clarify, it makes no difference to me whether a person has children or not...some of the best advice I got came from a childless person! I will be interested to see if it all works the way she thinks it should, but of course, unlike her crappy attitude towards me I won't gloat!

I had ideas of how I wanted to do things but common sense told me that these probably won't work out. Some people just don't see their plans not working and it is niave of them.

Fakebook Mon 28-Jan-13 11:16:50

This is why I co slept with my first and my current baby. It's less tiring and I still get a full nights sleep.

honeytea Mon 28-Jan-13 11:18:17

Maybe the baby is unsettled because she put it in its own nursery, my ds just wakes up, has a feed and goes right back to sleep but he is in a cot next to our bed and I think knowing we are there and hearing dp snoring settles him.

QOD Mon 28-Jan-13 11:19:49

Oh yes .... Ad their child will NEVER drink anything but water either ....

CloudsAndTrees Mon 28-Jan-13 11:19:49

Some parents do get these babies that have read the book and are able to do that though.

My best friend did!

TheBigJessie Mon 28-Jan-13 11:22:10

I don't understand people like your friend. How do they develop these unrealistic expectations of baby-hood?

I had no younger siblings or cousins, and I ended up having twins, and it still all worked out how I expected. Cuddles, little sleep, frequent feeds (the little things have to triple their body weight in the first year of life, they need regular nutrition!), cute things to look at at 3 am, etc. You know. Like babies generally are?

Wallison Mon 28-Jan-13 11:22:23

There was a list doing the rounds of email a few years ago, where one of the points was that before you have kids you should offer unsolicited advice to existing parents on matters of sleep, discipline etc. because, something like "This is the last time in your life that you'll have all the answers", which I think summed it up pretty neatly.

confused My dd was given a quick feed in a dark room and put straight back down. I also only gave water - not juice (if thats what you mean by that).

Sometimes it does happen.

Dont be so smug.

Flobbadobs Mon 28-Jan-13 11:25:45

Very U. But then again so am I. I have a friend who was the First Woman To Ever Give Birth and despite having 3 myself sat politely through lectures about the best way to give birth, feed baby etc.
4 months in and she's exhausted and to her credit mildly embarrassed about some of the things she said. I'm falling back on being helpful, supportive and slightly smug.. grin

badtemperedaldbitch Mon 28-Jan-13 11:26:26

i wince at the preconcieved ideas i had before i was blessed with my DD

i cringe at the thought of how wrong I was.....

Yes i have an internal giggle too

LittleChimneyDroppings Mon 28-Jan-13 11:29:09

I completely expected my pfb to sleep straight through the night as soon as she was born.

She didn't though.

silverfrog Mon 28-Jan-13 11:30:39

dd1 was exactly the baby your friend expected to have. quick feed in a dark room, straight back down - off to sleep, no problem. she slept through 7-7 from 7 weeks, went down for naps at regular times, would ask to go to bed as a toddler, at the right time etc.

dd2 was a little bit slwer in all of the above, but again was sleeping through by about 14 weeks - by which point it was a quick feed and off back down again.

ds (6 months old) has never slept through the night, feeds every 3 hours, regularly thinks 3am is the time to coo and chortle and be cute. but hey, he's a baby and that's what happens (although I'm glad that he wasn't my first, otherwise I may not have gone on to have more!)

babies are all different, but it is possible to have one that sleeps well, and prefers a quiet feed at night to the all-out party that ds think it is.

wanderingcloud Mon 28-Jan-13 11:49:02

YABU but it's ok, I'd be the same. grin

I also cringe when I think about how naive I was, yet I was utterly oblivious and thought I could read up, do my research, have all the answers. It was so clear to me that we would do a "dream feed" at 11pm and of course baby would duly sleep through til the 2am feed...
DS had different ideas!

Also, I was completely unprepared for the "I will not sleep unless in your arms" that really threw me. I assumed you could just put a baby down for a minute without unleashing a wailing banshee.

BlueberryHill Mon 28-Jan-13 11:59:21

Oh yes I've been on the end of the unsolicited advice about how to get them to sleep and that children should be taught to behave in restaurants from an early age.

I have to suppress a smile, my three children all sleep better and are better behaved in restaurants than hers. [I am very, very smug - secretly about this but she really was a pain about]. She has never referred back to it but is a bit less judgemental now, just a bit though.

YABU but I am the same.

Twinklestarstwinklestars Mon 28-Jan-13 12:06:48

Both my ds' were brilliant, I can't remember a bad night with either until they were older with sickness. Maybe dc3 due in july will make up for it!

Fairylea Mon 28-Jan-13 12:07:08

Oh yes I love it when new parents think they are perfect and will have the perfect baby smile

Admittedly I was one of them....

Two children later and I'm just happy if I get to pee in peace and have one cup of tea between waking hours!!

HumphreyCobbler Mon 28-Jan-13 12:11:14

I had totally unrealistic expectations when I was pg with my first baby.

I had the sense to keep my mouth shut about it though grin

RooneyMara Mon 28-Jan-13 12:12:59

Sorry but I think yabu. Taking pleasure from someone else's discomfort - or just the fact they find themselves on an unexpected learning curve - isn't very kind.

RooneyMara Mon 28-Jan-13 12:15:27

Unless of course she is a horrible person in which case anything goes.

I hate getting unsolicited criticism from my sister who does not have children. I hate it so much.

but if she was planning to have a baby and do it all differently, I'd still hope it went well for her iyswim. I couldn't wish unhappiness or a crying baby on anyone - I had a great sleeper last time but this one won't be put down!

WilsonFrickett Mon 28-Jan-13 12:17:59

Oh, I got the 'baby will slot into our routine' chat the other day. Bless. It's my best friend though so I secretly recorded to to play back in a few months time

seeker Mon 28-Jan-13 12:20:49

My sociologist niece once lectured me on some aspect of childcare, and when I mildly protested, told me solemnly that I "hadn't done the reading"

She has two of her own now......

MummytoMog Mon 28-Jan-13 12:24:58

I had totally unrealistic expectations of my PFB. Luckily, she's an angel and they were all fulfilled (sleeping through basically straight away, BFing easily, wearing cloth nappies from birth etc etc). Then I got lots of people smugly saying that once DC2 came along (eighteen months after PFB), I'd learn what it was really like/have my work cut out for me/be like having twins. He was, if possible, even easier. Newborn + toddler = easy as pie. Only arse was having to use a double pushchair.

Yup, I lucked out, but I wouldn't count your smug chickens yet. Mind you, the terrible twos and threes synchronising has been a bit of a mare. Easy babies haven't become easy toddlers!

Brugmansia Mon 28-Jan-13 12:25:39

DC1 is due this week. My expectations are of it being chaos and massive sleep deprivation. DP's expectations on the other hand are (in my view) on the unrealistic end of the spectrum and he is adamant this little person will be perfect and we can carry on with barely any disruption. I'm humouring him for now - he'll learn and if he's miraculously right I'll be pleasantly surprised

fairylightsinthesnow Mon 28-Jan-13 12:26:43

my SIL is expecting her first. Her and her DH are very outdoorsy, travelling types and are assuming that they can just carry on but with baby in a backpack. Now whilst I do agree that you can do many things with a young baby, I don't think they have factored in the numerous issues of feeding, napping, nappies, lack of sleep for you etc. I restrain myself though - they'll soon find it out for themselves.

JacqueslePeacock Mon 28-Jan-13 12:30:39

When my DH announced he was taking 3 months off as additional paternity leave to look after our baby after I had to go back to work, one of his students said "oh that's great! You'll be able to get loads of research done!" I'm pretty sure she'll look back on that one day and think, ooops.

DoJo Mon 28-Jan-13 12:36:02

Doesn't everybody hope that they will get lucky and have an easy baby? TBH, I was so fed up with the doom-mongering about sleep deprivation and how we'd never be able to do any of the things we did before that I was beginning to really dread actually having the baby, but it's been about how I expected actually which isn't half as bad as everyone makes out. I find the competitive 'woe is mum' stuff much more annoying, personally.

Chocaholics Mon 28-Jan-13 12:48:12

I laugh at myself when I think of my pre-baby days and how DH assumed DD would follow what the books say...soon realised she had other plans! But I don't think you can ever understand how much a baby changes your life till you have one. When my friends having their first baby tell me how it won't change their life I laugh inside and tell them just to see how it goes. A few of them have had babies that were very easy and slept through very early. The rest are like me and DH, knackered!

CrystalQueen Mon 28-Jan-13 12:56:41

Depends how she formed these preconceptions. The midwife taking my antenatal class impressed on us all the importance of putting your baby down sleepy but awake, so that they would learn to go to sleep on their own. I didn't know any better (DD did!).

CharlotteBronteSaurus Mon 28-Jan-13 12:58:41

i was that person
i didn't realise that babies need parenting to sleep
i thought they woke for a feed, fed, and then settled themselves.
it's one of those things that is never explicitly spelt out (like lochia and how long it lingers)

AbbyCat Mon 28-Jan-13 13:03:40

Sorry but yabu. I found bf very difficult and 3 things got me through it- mumsnet, an incredibly supportive midwife/friend, and another friend being absolutely honest with me and telling me how difficult and painful she found it. It stopped me feeling lik such a freak / loser for finding it painful. If women were more honest about how difficult they find the early days it would be easier on those expecting their pfb. I now always acknowledge that I had a difficult and painful experience with bf to anyone who asks but stress that not all women do and that with support you can make it through the first few weeks. I know I've referred to bf but same applies to lack of sleep etc. if she's your friend, why not be honest with her and make her feel more normal for finding it tough?

ubik Mon 28-Jan-13 13:03:53

I remember finishing Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby book and thinking: "why does everyone make such a fuss about babies, why foesn't everyone do it like Gina?" And went through the rest of my pregnancy confident that this would be a breeze - like childbirth which couldn't be that bad could it?

Then DD1 arrived after induced labour, emcs, two weeks in SCBU, and a scream which reduced me to a shivering wreck. And she didn't seem to have read Gina Ford, either.

ledkr Mon 28-Jan-13 13:07:16

Have to be honest though with dc5 who is now 2 I was also full of the "quiet feed in the dark" that had worked well with all the others.
She had reflux though and spent the first two weeks if her life in a bright hospital ward. She then couldn't be out down for an hour after feeds so sleep for her was and still is difficult.
You can do as you like but ultimately the baby might have other reasons for not sleeping.

BartletForTeamGB Mon 28-Jan-13 13:09:11

YABU. I wouldn't be so smug & superior about someone's hopes not working out. Motherhood doesn't need to involve public martyrdom like some people suggest here. That's what I did with DS and what I plan on doing with DC3. I'm sure none of my friends are hoping for things to do wrong or be difficult.

drmummmsy Mon 28-Jan-13 13:11:19

know where you're coming from, however on the other side of the coin (and not feeding related, just general baby-related smugness) I had people smirking when I said I was continuing with my degree as a single parent when dc was born - you could tell they thought 'yeah right!'. But I did, back at uni when she was 2 weeks, and I got a first! So it works both ways...

meadow2 Mon 28-Jan-13 13:27:53

I think even that sounds too taxing.Why get up at all? If you cosleep you wont lose any sleep.

LaQueen Mon 28-Jan-13 13:32:26

You know what? DD2 was genuinely a joy to feed in the night.

She was FF from the start, used to wake regular as clockwork at 11pm and 3am, she would take her bottle easily and be falling asleep over the last ounce...I'd pop her back down, and never another mummur from here.

From start to finish, it would take 15 minutes, tops smile

However, DD1 was BF...and her night feeds used to push on through until dawn [cries at the memory]

ClimbingPenguin Mon 28-Jan-13 13:32:57

fairy I continued to do a lot of outdoors stuff (she and DH came along climbing with me), hiking and we did more travelling in her first 18 months (including a month long road trip) than my previous total combined. It was DC2 that stopped all that.

meadow2 Mon 28-Jan-13 13:34:15

Also I do think you can do practically anything with a baby.Improvise,adapt and overcome.

thesnootyfox Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:13

My babies woke for a feed and settled again straight after. They slept in Moses basket next to our bed. All babies are different.

KenLeeeeeee Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:19

YABU, but so am I in these situations. wink

upsylazy Mon 28-Jan-13 13:39:14

Ds1 was born in June and I genuinely had visions of sitting in the garden sipping Pimms and rocking his cradle with my bare foot as I read that babies sleep for 16 hours plus per day blush

ELR Mon 28-Jan-13 13:45:17

I night fed both my kids in their own rooms in the semi dark and then put them back to sleep dd slept through from 5 weeks 4 days from 9pm to 6am and ds slept through from 18 weeks from 6pm to 5am. They both slept in our room for the first three weeks but I went into their room to feed and change them. It worked well for us.

Thumbwitch Mon 28-Jan-13 14:12:14

YABslightlyU but you know that smile

I found my expectations for DS1 were wildly off the mark - but mostly because I changed completely once he was born! I'd been full of the "he'll sleep in the cot from the off, I'll be making sure he sleep trains early" blah blah-de blah - but when he was born I couldn't be induced to put him in the bassinet in the hospital, he stayed curled up in my arms and from there we progressed to co-sleeping, which worked beautifully until he was 5.5mo. Currently co-sleeping with DS2 (I know myself better now grin) and will do so until we start to disturb each other (same as DS1).

I suppose the only important thing to remember is that you never know what you're going to get, so no point in having cast-iron ideas beforehand.

zukiecat Mon 28-Jan-13 14:37:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chumpster Mon 28-Jan-13 14:50:53

Yanbu!
Honeytea. You are just lucky, babies that sleep in their parent's room can also be unsettled. But I suppose they may be more unsettled if they were in their own room.

honeytea Mon 28-Jan-13 14:54:39

I was expecting having a newborn to be lots worse than it is, I was very surprised.

I think if we have dc2 we are due an all night screamer, either that or terrible teenage years.

Groovee Mon 28-Jan-13 14:57:04

I still cringe about my idea's with regards to dd and all my "my baby won't have" needless to say, she did everyone of them.

KitCat26 Mon 28-Jan-13 15:04:22

I remember thinking ahh, a summer baby, I'll sit in the garden, feed baby, read a book, get dinner on, baby will wake up in the night but it will be fine.

I had been prewarned that I didn't sleep through until I went to school so wasn't expecting miracles. But by god it was the birth that knocked me for six. I didn't leave the house until the September on my own and was a teary bundle of nerves. (No.2 thankfully was a doddle.)

Luckily the sleep thing wasn't so bad with either of mine but I'm not risking a third!

I would be having a private snigger too, YANBU and it isn't awful of you.
What would be awful and YWBU if you didn't use your experience to support her, but I'm sure you are doing.

I thought I knew what being tired was as i had pulled all-nighters. I also went out and bought normal baby wash stuff. My mum had got lavender and I got worried about her getting too sleepy. Ha fucking ha. Both dds were rubbish sleepers and the lack of sleep was a very brutal lesson.

DizzyHoneyBee Mon 28-Jan-13 15:26:32

When DS was a newborn, I recall being horrified about what my elder sister was doing when her 1 year old was ill, a year later I recall my brother (then father to a newborn) being horrified at what I was doing - yep, it was the same thing!
(the dreadful thing was giving calpol rather than taking the baby to the GP immediately). I'm surprised she didn't swing for me when I said I'd never do that when I had children, she insisted I would and I was all judgy pants. My brother was the same....
grin

DizzyHoneyBee Mon 28-Jan-13 15:27:13

when I had children....d'oh, brain on holiday! with my children.

kim147 Mon 28-Jan-13 15:32:00

I know IABU. I know all about extensive night time feeds and I did mention to her about how DS used to be when he was young.

The best laid plans of course....

BigBoPeep Mon 28-Jan-13 15:38:50

sadly i listened to the doom-mongering and 'babies are like x' crap, and it really put me off having any! now i enjoy the silent disappointment of the doom mongers when what they say will happen doesn't, or i actually cope with it fine. life is sometimes unpleasant...man up! i just wish i had a fiver for every time i hear the phrase 'wait until x, then you'll know about it!'

poozlepants Mon 28-Jan-13 15:54:15

Pre children I used to watch parents and occasionally think "I'd never do that". but I never ever thought it would be a good idea to actually comment on someone else's childrearing. I didn't have one so wtf did I know. I therefore think it is absolutely ok to have a private snigger at those who those who decided to give me the benefit of their wisdom before they had any themselves.
I snigger everytime I see fb photos of a relative's 2 year old PFB with a dummy in his mouth. Apparently it is to teach him to 'self soothe'. When DS had one it looked 'common' and I used it way less than she does. They also call it a comforter and correct you if you say Dummy.
They were the same pair who thought parents were only tired because they were doing it wrong and yet I never came across a pair who made such a bloody fuss of how hard it was for them when they had an absolute delight of a baby.

maddening Mon 28-Jan-13 16:02:32

Why enjoy feeling smug? That was you once.

I have had 2 years of no sleep now and would feel unfriendly thoughts to a friend who was smirking at my exhaustion!

Although I did feel smug for doing a 4 day labour back to back with no painkillers after every twat and his cousin told me I was stupid for hoping for epi free.

Creamtea1 Mon 28-Jan-13 20:32:59

I don't mind either the woe is doom and gloom or the smug pfb talk as long as its all TRUE. It's the mums who insist the baby is perfect, no trouble etc as a way of perhaps feeling slightly superior, but who are not telling the real story, who are the worst.
Eg mum saying pfb sleeps through, no trouble, naps on cue, never cries etc (smugly) but then dad let's slip to fellow dad that pfb 'was up all night and is a f***ing nightmare'
grin

Pinkflipflop Mon 28-Jan-13 20:38:26

I think YABU and pretty horrible. I'm about to become a mum for the first time and tbh I would be horrified if anyone would be taking pleasure in my lack of sleep.

What's to giggle about? confused

She has to learn and it's not like she can truly know what it'll be like until her baby actually arrived.

kim147 Mon 28-Jan-13 20:44:04

I'm not taking pleasure - if you read my OP properly, I have every sympathy for her.

I was just there when she told me all her grand plans. Some of the things I thought completely went to pot.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 28-Jan-13 20:45:51

Mine both had a quick feed in a darkened room before settling.

DS2 went a bit haywire at about 8 months.

You sound a bit mean spirited. She'd not criticising you.

Blanketsandpillows Mon 28-Jan-13 21:11:51

I have just re-read your OP for fear of not reading it properly but have to agree with pinkflipflop. Of course she wasn't to know how difficult things would be-regardless how many times people tell you, you won't know until you are in that position. From your OP it seems she didn't try to criticise something you were doing but was merely talking about her approach. What makes you so smug now that you can giggle at a friends discomfort?

kim147 Mon 28-Jan-13 21:15:54

I'm not giggling really - I never criticised her or commented when she said what her plan was. I was trying to word the OP carefully because I knew what someone would say.

It was just she was so convinced - and you're right, no one knows until they are in that position.

I have every sympathy for her.

kim147 Mon 28-Jan-13 21:16:40

And I never criticised what she was doing or her plans. I just listened to her plans.

havingastress Mon 28-Jan-13 21:26:03

Ok, so the first 3 weeks were a blur...sleep deprived, hideous getting up at all bloody hours..

But you know what...by 5 weeks my little star was sleeping through. grin And i mean sleeping through - 11.30pm til 7.30am. And still is now.

I tell you what annoys me - the number of my friends who have kids older than mine who go on and bloody on about the lack of sleep, constant whining, the 'oh wait, you'll see' blah blah blah....to be fair, so far, erm no. It's lovely. It's pleasurable. And having a baby is such a blessing. I do wish they'd shut up, because actually, no. My baby does not dictate our life and actually she does fit into our ways and what we want to do. And just because you've got kids older than mine does not make you the expert on all things child related!

but those first few weeks were awful granted!! haha

Pinkflipflop Mon 28-Jan-13 21:41:39

You genuinely sound oh so sympathetic; truly the compassionate friend, what with your little smile and all that. hmm

purrpurr Mon 28-Jan-13 21:46:03

Ahh more doom mongering. Having a baby is shit. It ruins your life. It ruins your life more than it ruined the lives of any of your friends/family etc. Though of course you're a better parent than any of them put together and Nobody Knows Your Pain. Blah blah blah. What is this, Martyr of the Year awards?

I'm awaiting my first child and all the doom mongering and competitive 'I've had it soooo hard!' stories have made me start telling my DH now that we will only be having one child. I'm terrified. You'd think I was about to give birth to a rattlesnake.

NumericalMum Mon 28-Jan-13 22:00:43

Geez you lot. Read the OP in the spirit it is meant.
YABU but you know that, hence the tongue in cheek post. I had grand plans. I was going to learn the guitar. I was going to earn extra money by marking exam papers. I was going to do a 120km cycle with a 3 month old (breastfed!) baby.
In reality I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep in a row for 8 months. I didn't do more than a mummy running group for 9 months. I barely functioned. I did, however, gain a wonderful crazy little being. And I have not dared to have another child!

Creamtea1 Mon 28-Jan-13 22:07:52

Sleeping through is 7-7, 8-8 etc - a 12 hour ish uninterrupted shift.
And I don't think OP was being nasty and spiteful.

tunnocksteacake Mon 28-Jan-13 22:19:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think a baby can only fit into your pre-DC life without altering it if you have a very particular kind of life. At the very least you have to factor in school/nursery/childminder runs, or accommodate a nanny in your house.

When people tell me their grand plans for their pfb, I smile and nod, and only occasionally say "well sometimes people find that hard if the baby xyz". And afterwards, when they've abandoned the grand plan in favour of a good but less ambitious plan, I do kind of eye roll internally, but I'm not glad exactly.

It would have been great to spend my first maternity leave writing the non-fiction book I had planned, with DS either dozing on a blanket in dappled shade, or playing happily with old cotton reels and pine cones.

It would be lovely if DC2 slept through by any measure before his second birthday (ten weeks to go).

But you know what? There is a lot to envy about my life and I'm going to count my blessings.

kim147 Mon 28-Jan-13 22:34:09

DS was going to eat a wide range of food and vegetables and be open to a foreign foods and flavours.

He'd also love going for long walks in the countryside.

I'm sure I told friends this!!

Suffice to say, he has completely failed to have a wide taste in food. Unless it's pasta. And he's a reluctant walker in the country.

Thumbwitch Tue 29-Jan-13 06:44:43

Creamtea1 - no, that isn't the definition of sleeping through - it's a 6hr unbroken stretch of sleep. So 11pm-5am = sleeping through the night. It is helpful for new parents to know that, so that they don't feel as though they're somehow "failing" if they haven't achieved a 12h stretch of sleep.

If I believed you (and thankfully I know otherwise) then my DS1, aged 5, would never have slept through the night yet, as he usually sleeps for 11h. DS2 is now 16wo and has managed several 6h stretches so far, and even a few longer than that - but last night he was back to waking every 3h again.

"Sleeping through" seems to be such a stick for parents to beat themselves with - at least they should know where the starting point is!

thebitchdoctor Tue 29-Jan-13 08:33:24

I understand where you're coming from OP.

I was an idiot pre DD and was all 'she will be born naturally, BF perfectly, sleep through, I will never co-sleep and it will all be lovely'.

As my mum used to say to me when I pontificated about how 'easy' it will be 'The Babies Havent Read The Books'.

LO and behold I was induced for pre-eclampsia, she refused to Bf, was readmitted due to latch refusal, has terrible reflux, has only just started to sleep through at 18 fricking months and my house was a shithole thanks to severe PND and PTSD from my nightmare labour/birth and postnatal trauma.

My best friend is currently expecting her pfb. And she keeps coming out with some right humdingers because she has researched. She refused to accept that she would have SPD when I told her it sounded like she did because she was healthy yet she could understand why I had it because I wasn't. She looks down on me for being 'bullied' into induction and EMCS (ummm... Preeclampsia anyone?) and she doesn't think I tried hard enough with BF.

Then she looks down on the fact my house isn't perfect and is adamant her house will remain spotless and baby will BF on schedule.

I realised I'm making her out to be horrible here and she really isn't. She's just an idiot like most mums are before they have their babies and realise it isnt the perfect amazing experience we all hope it will be...although my word is it worth it.

When she calls me, knackered and stressed over her filthy house and constantly feeding baby. I will try to avoid being smug, go round and help her clean and let her have a rant/cry. although an apology for some of the things she said would be nice, she really upset me with some of the things she said about my induction and EMCS

NumericalMum Tue 29-Jan-13 08:41:24

That's the thing though, some of the comments are hurtful and imply you are some how weak or stupid for not having a baby sleeping through at x weeks or a spotless house...!

BigBoPeep Tue 29-Jan-13 12:27:15

I think sleeping through is a concept that should just be put in the bin. Abandon any plans/thoughts about it. Some (most?) adults I know don't 'sleep through', so why would a baby? I don't always sleep the same hours, eat the same hours, shit the same hours, so why would a baby? Theyre just little people, not aliens! Surely most other parents get sick to the back teeth of the endless questions/discussions/advice about 'getting them to sleep through'.

As for lying about how good babies are, maybe its unintentional? Everybody says my baby is 'good', and I agree. But I know they only see the carefully contrived I've-done-everything-she-wanted happy baby, and that if I had tried to make her sleep in a cot or put her down at all in the first 6mo she would not be perceived as 'good'.

ok glad I got that off my chest grin

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