to not understand why so many people are 'proud' of babies rolling over, crawling, walking etc?

(285 Posts)
HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:21:21

Unimportant bollocks I know, but humor me smile

I have a 3yo DD. Lately I'm noticing more and more people on facebook and in general conversation going on about how very proud they are that "DS rolled over" or "DD crawled"

As for toileting hmm

I've always felt that pride is an ugly thing and hand on heart I have never been proud of DD Crawling, walking or taking a shit. I mean, these are human bodily functions and surely no reflection on your offspring's intelligence or your capability as a parent? So what's to be proud of?

Sure - when DD is a little older and does something for someone else of her own volition as an act of kindness, then yes, I might be proud of that. If she helps people and achieves happiness for herself and others then I might also be proud of her for that. But rolling? Nah.

Am I being a twat?

rhetorician Sun 27-Jan-13 21:22:41

no, they are. YANBU.

NirvanaSmellsLikeTeenMother Sun 27-Jan-13 21:26:36

YABU. I think it's something to be proud of when they learn something new smile

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 21:27:31

YABU watching them achieve their milestones is a beautiful thing,watching DD2 at the moment just starting to crawl, her determined little face not giving in makes my heart flutter with pride. Watching DD1 learn her numbers and be so pleased and excited when I tell her she's right and I'm proud of her, is a wonderful moment.

Do I expect anyone else to give a shit? No. But to say I'm wrong to do so is twattery tbh.

God help your child if they have to be an altruistic philanthropist before you show a spark of pride in them.

Jeebs Sun 27-Jan-13 21:27:40

Because you made that little person who is currently rolling over or just toddled over to where the biscuits are kept. For me its prude mixed with amazement that I grew that person, took care of them when they was completely helpless and now they're growing up.

Each to their own though.

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 27-Jan-13 21:28:49

You have never been proud of your child ? That's a bit twattish.

LingDiLong Sun 27-Jan-13 21:28:49

YABU. Perhaps you are mistaking pride for boasting? It's perfectly understandable to feel proud of your child as they grow and develop and hit particular milestones. It's nothing to do with feeling it reflects on my child's intelligence or my capability as a parent. For example, I felt no less proud of my late talking child when they started to speak than I did of my early talking child. I felt my heart swell in exactly the same way. Somehow the fact that they are growing and developing seems like this amazing miracle. Slightly strange to be unmoved by that in my opinion.

greeneyed Sun 27-Jan-13 21:29:01

YABU What Softly says exactly

Jeebs Sun 27-Jan-13 21:29:03

*pride not prude. Bloody autocorrect

sausagesandwich34 Sun 27-Jan-13 21:29:23

YANBU

when I interview people I always dread asking the 'what are you most proud of?' and they say it's having children

makes me cringe

lecce Sun 27-Jan-13 21:30:07

YANBU if they are actually using the word 'proud'. I agree with you that all babies will do these things and they are therefore nothing to be proud of.

However, especially when it is your first baby, I think it entirely normal to be excited when babies reach these milestones and to bang on about it a bit. Maybe they're not really proud, even if they use the word, what they really could be saying is something along the lines of, "Wow! That's incredible, that little baby who has been unable to do anything until now has rolled over! How great's that!" I don't see anything twattish in that. It's exciting stuff, especially when it's your first and you have't really known any other babies either.

Alittlestranger Sun 27-Jan-13 21:30:36

<whispers> YANBU

MrsBW Sun 27-Jan-13 21:31:55

There seems, among my friends, to be a plethora of parents posting daily updates on their little darling's potty training progress at the moment.

Anything else (walking, talking, crawling), fair enough; but potty training? Does any parent really think that anyone other than them is interested in that?

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 27-Jan-13 21:31:58

In a work interview sausage ?

RegularVoltaire Sun 27-Jan-13 21:32:21

Yabu

My children make me proud every day.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:33:04

Yes of course I've been proud of DD grin

However it's been for things like running over to comfort another hurt child, not taking a dump or walking.

Yep, you sound quite a lot of a twat. Your poor bloody kid. There is nothing ugly about being proud of something you've done. That's actually pretty bloody weird.

I think it's because after the grimness of the first few months (or was that just me?!), it's quite a relief when they actually start doing stuff and it's the first tangible evidence that they are doing something of their own volition. It is pretty incredible what they learn in only a year TBH smile
Having said that, I was a bit hmm at the friend declaring on Facebook that her dd must be some sort of child genius for potty training at about 2yo, although maybe it was the sheer relief at seeing the back of nappies which made her say it grin

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 21:34:31

So do you naysayers really look at your little child that's worked their heart out to achieve a new skill and think "yeah yeah every fucker can do that <<yawn>>, come to me when you've proper achieved something".

Although I have to say sausages that's a terrible answer to an interview question.

MrsBW Sun 27-Jan-13 21:34:50

Yep, you sound quite a lot of a twat. Your poor bloody kid

Really? hmm

MrsWolowitzerables Sun 27-Jan-13 21:34:56

I think YABU.

My heart swells with undeserved pride when my DD1 draws a terribly scribbly and abstract flower.

Is it amazing? No, its just like all her friend's flowers.
Am I proud of her? Yep, massively and I keep the best ones because I'm so proud of them. smile

Its just a little thing but its nice to be proud of your DCs achievements and milestones, however regular and unexciting they may be.

Kiriwawa Sun 27-Jan-13 21:35:07

What is weird is thinking that anyone else gives a shit. Be proud, jump up and down, call the other parent to announce the news. But don't imagine anyone else cares. Don't post on facebook, please.

YANBU at all.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 21:37:13

your being a twat grin
but then I have a child that didn't pass all the milestones....
I happily share when she says a word at 17

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:37:24

Yes - it's the sharing that seems unnecessary.

GwendolineMaryLacey grin Pride can be a horrible thing, of course it can.

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sun 27-Jan-13 21:37:45

hand on heart I have never been proud of DD

everything a baby is and does is worthy of love and pride from all around her. be proud of your daughter. be proud of her now, and every day. you won't be able to go back and make it up to her later.

Fakebook Sun 27-Jan-13 21:37:58

In answer to you question: Yes you are being a twat.

Why can't people be happy for their child's milestones? How does it affect you? If you weren't happy when your dc first smiled or crawled then you must be one odd person.

Yabu

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:39:49

andtheycalleditbunnylove that's naughty - you've taken me out of context.

I said I'd never gone about telling folk how terribly proud I am if her crapping, weeing, rolling, crawling etc.

play nicely ;)

Arthurfowlersallotment Sun 27-Jan-13 21:41:15

I can't help but feel proud when my child learns something new. It's not something I make a decision on, it just is.

Though I don't share it on Facebook..

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:41:34

Happy, yes. Relieved, yes. Proud?

Gruffalump Sun 27-Jan-13 21:42:19

YABU

And miserable.

I suggest you get over yourself.

Hope you manage to keep your apathy hidden from your children

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:43:49

Haha grin

I suggest you get over yourself.

Surely my OP suggests the opposite?

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 21:43:55

YABU, and quite rude too as bit everyone is like your dd!!!

Ds was severely burnt in a BBQ accident at 11 months old where he was beginning to walk, due to the severity of his burns (3rd degree) his social/developement and language skills were put back 2 years as all his effort and concentration was to get better, and with minimum contact, (due to isolation) and medical needs his WHOLE development was put behind twofold!!!

Too bloody right am I proud that ds learned to crawl again, begin to walk sound his first words etc...

At age 3 he needs intensive speach and lauguage therapy, need social skills etc... Is WAY behind his peers!!!

But am I fooking proud of every mile stone by brave baby boy has endured and smiled through every log painful, skin crafts and 19 general anaesthetic to get to get to the stage he is at now, not only physical or developemently.

So your dd reached her stages due to natural progression, my ds is fighting against all the odds against him!!! and winning those odds, just at a much later time!!!

sausagesandwich34 Sun 27-Jan-13 21:44:11

ken dodds

yes it happens in work interviews

you ask the question

they look blank having not anticipated the question and then say having children is what they are most proud of

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 21:44:46

Altinkum you can share them with me anytime.

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 27-Jan-13 21:45:04

I understand OP I wasn't that bothered about dc when they were babies doing things they were supposed to be doing, but now in a school assembly or parents evening I'm a ball of tears at how amazing they are and why can't everyone else see my dc are the cleverest beautifulist (I know thats not a word) amazing children.

neveronamonday Sun 27-Jan-13 21:45:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:46:26

Not the same Altinkum. Of course you will take great pride in your DS's achievements.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:47:45

InNeedOfBrandy and neveronamonday seem to get my gist here.

It's the oversharing I'm on about here.

wanderingcloud Sun 27-Jan-13 21:47:45

YABU

I'm very excited, and yes, proud, when my son hits the big milestones.

So are his extended family who all live far away and rarely see him. So I post things on fb so they can see and feel like they aren't missing out.

If any of my friends aren't interested, they don't have to read it!

Personally, I love it when my friends post a vid of their childs first steps. I think it's lovely that they are proud.

OhBotheration Sun 27-Jan-13 21:47:56

YABU but I do sort of understand what you mean.

However, DD2 was born at 25 weeks and owing to the circumstances surrounding her prematurity we were told that she would probably be disabled with a high risk of cerebral palsy.

Everything she does is fucking amazing. I am unashamedly proud of her.

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 27-Jan-13 21:50:26

sausage I don't think I've ever had that answer ! Suppose it's a cop out .

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:50:45

Again OhBotheration your DD sounds incredible and I too would be very proud.

It's the bigging up of the mundane I'm talking about here.

"DD ROLLED OVER shock"

Erm...and?

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 21:51:42

well Op you are being a twat

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:52:57

Haha grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 27-Jan-13 21:53:07

YABU.

I'm proud if my baby does something new. I find it amazing watching him discover how to do something he couldn't before, the determination he puts in until he does it. It's great.

Scheherezade Sun 27-Jan-13 21:56:38

Actually you sound like you have too much pride of your own, you sound very cold and haughty.

I was so, so proud of, pleased for and generally chuffed when DS learned to walk. He had been trying so hard, and he made it.

Bit then I love my child for being him, not what he can show off in front of other parents "when she helps another child" indeed hmm

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 21:56:50

Op you are backtracking!!

Had you said "AIBU to not care that friend is proud of little tallulahs every potty piss?"

Then you would have had a lot of YANBU.

You specifically said You werent proud of your DDs normal achievements and didn't get why anyone would be.

Two very different statements.

1 makes you a twat

1 means you are right!

OhBotheration Sun 27-Jan-13 21:57:25

Thanks Higgs, but I am boring as fuck on FB with my uber gushiness and "look what my miracle daughter did this week" column grin I'd be blocked from your news feed.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 27-Jan-13 21:59:21

So it's the sharing on facebook that you hate?

Scheherezade Sun 27-Jan-13 22:00:13

....and its amazing to watch that little ball of mess and noise develop their own autonomy, independent thought, self will, determination. Each pathetic nothingness to you, is to a loving mother an amazing moment of wonder and delight.

I feel sorry for you and your DD that you will never experience it. Did you honestly never congratulate her or share in the magic of each new discovery?!

neveronamonday Sun 27-Jan-13 22:00:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:00:17

Gotta be honest it is mainly a fb thing, yeah blush

PenelopeChipShop Sun 27-Jan-13 22:01:26

I felt proud of my son within days of his birth! I can't explain why and it took me by surprise but I guess it's just part of my love for him.

I do choose not to post info on his milestones on fb though... I might be obsessed with them but I do realise that others aren't. I will continue to be proud inside though! So there .

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:01:46

Grrr! YES I congratulate HER, bit I don't go around swelling with pride and telling everyone how proud I am of something most kids do as a matter of course hmm

MrsKeithRichards Sun 27-Jan-13 22:02:17

Picture the scene in a few year's..

'ma look, I can write my name'

'and? No big deal, I've been doing it for years'

Ya know, I have a mother who has never once said 'I'm proud of you, well done' and it bloody sucks.

Iggly Sun 27-Jan-13 22:02:49

YABU

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:03:16

Grrr again!! I tell HER I'm proud of her and congratulate her every step.

CheeseOnTop Sun 27-Jan-13 22:03:32

"Please don't post on facebook"

As the majority of other posts are thought-provoking, super-important non-trivial nuggets of information??? People spending there time browsing facebook don't need there time wasted.

neveronamonday Sun 27-Jan-13 22:03:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly Sun 27-Jan-13 22:04:53

You don't go around telling people what kids do as a matter of course?

Why not?

I tell people what ds has done, I don't give a flying monkeys if other children walk - when both of mine started walking I was very proud and wanted to share.

Do you not like to display emotions or summat?

StuntGirl Sun 27-Jan-13 22:05:31

YANBU, it annoys me too.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:07:17

Sorry, it does fuck me off.

Maybe I'm misreading this whole pride thing confused

tbh I read it as 'look at what a great parent I am and look at what a super-advanced child I have and it's all down to me'. Over a kid rolling, walking or weeing ffs!

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 22:08:23

In what way isn't it the same OP, you haven't specified, just made a general abservation that ALL children are the same.

I live in a different contry from my immediate family, slo by heck will post my ds development updates on Facebook.

Facebook seems to get a bad name, but where can you get, free family updates, pictures, all in one social family networking website... NONE, none that is anywhere near as good and reliable as Facebook and did I mention its global and free!!! And you can chat to many family members all at the same time for FREE!!!

I loathe the snobbish attuide when it concerns Facebook, some people give it a bad reputation as with many a things in life, but the majority of people use it for what it is... A social networking brillaince.

Iggly Sun 27-Jan-13 22:09:01

You read it wrong. People are just proud and very excited so they stick it on FB. You sound cynical wink

Shelby2010 Sun 27-Jan-13 22:09:16

YABU
"hand on heart I've never been proud of DD" "when DD is a little older..... I might be proud of that"
Or
"I tell HER I'm proud of her"

Well which is it? Are you proud of her or not?

neveronamonday Sun 27-Jan-13 22:10:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:10:40

Fair point Altinkum, many of us use it as an essential tool to share with family smile

But "I'm SO PROUD of my little man <vom>. He just crawled to the TV"

Bleugh.

pigletmania Sun 27-Jan-13 22:11:13

Yabvvvu to not feel proud f your child. What you take for granted other parents with sn/disabilities cannot. Yes imam proud of bth my chikdrens milestones (dd has ASD and dev delays. It means that they are heading in the right direction, due to dd Autism some milestones I may never see sad. So thank your lucky stars that your dd is making good progress and celebrate every but of teir lif because tey will soon grow up,into adults and you my regret it

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 27-Jan-13 22:11:40

YANBU.

By all means be proud of your child, but I, and everyone else on Facebook, don't need to know every last detail of their most recent bowel movement.

MakeHayInAManger Sun 27-Jan-13 22:11:46

The thing is, talking/walking/rolling/peeing/whatever may be something that the vast majority of babies do at some stage as part of their development, but for that one child it is the first time they have done it and generally they have worked hard, shown determination and put in effort to have achieved that particular skill. So yes, it is totally right to be proud of them for achieving it and no one is going to tell me not to be proud that my ds has just managed to put two words together for the first time (they happen to be "where willy?" when I was changing his nappy, but there you go!).

Might go post that on FB now.

pigletmania Sun 27-Jan-13 22:12:33

I am proud of dd and ds but don't expect others to be apart from their immediate family.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:13:48

Shelby2012 I do think being proud of rolling over is a trifle daft. I realise that makes me in the minority here.

I do tell DD all the time about all the things she does that are wonderful, but they tend to be a teensy bit bigger/more impactful on others than rolling iyswim.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:14:37

Pigletmania you haven't read my posts properly at all.

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 22:16:51

As again you miss the point, not all children are like YOUR CHILD!!!.

As you can see from my child mine is very much different, he cannot do and doesn't understand that most 3 year olds isn't like him.

He lives in his own bubble, my family want to see my proudness, considering he was in intensive care and ICU. For 3 months and islolatuon for many months also.

I find it weird that you cannot see by your own opinion, and why Facebook serves a purpose to updating our families in our childrens developments even if its outside the normal reams of your "opinion" or understand that Facebook serves a uproar, expecially when family is involved living in different countries.

MakeHayNotStraw Sun 27-Jan-13 22:17:04

But surely it's not daft to be proud of the effort that's gone in to learning to roll over? Babies I have seen put more effort into practising rolling than I do into most things....

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 27-Jan-13 22:17:19

TBH I find the whole competitive apathy thing (is this new?) and dreary as competitive boasting when it comes to other parents.

"Lookit me, aren't I cool? I couldn't give less of a shit and you're all so precious."

Yea, m'kay.

I was very proud of DSs miles stones, I found it wonderful watching him figure out how to do things he couldn't before. Ugly me.

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 27-Jan-13 22:17:41

As dreary.

MakeHayNotStraw Sun 27-Jan-13 22:18:36

Totally agree, Babooshka.

usualsuspect Sun 27-Jan-13 22:19:28

Don't be so bloody miserable.

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 22:19:46

YABU
There are a fuck load off things worse than being proud of your baby for doing perfectly everyday things.

It denotes love. Love for you kids is not a bad thing.

I don't understand why people get so ragey about FB. FB was never meant to be a cerebral space. It is for social networking.

Social networking tends to consist of lots of people talking about fairly trivial stuff which is going to be boring to a certain percentage and interesting to another percentage.

People who post that they are proud of their child for rolling over know that most other children manage it at some point. They are not all idiots. They are sharing something important to them.

The appropriate response is to ignore it, comment 'awww well done little Sophie' or 'like'.

Unless your nephew is demanding a DNA test on his FB page, your mother is announcing her new career as an escort or your sister is being racist...what is the deal with people getting so pissed off about FB?

MrsKeithRichards Sun 27-Jan-13 22:20:29

You've done some quite impressive backtracking there op.

Based on your first post yabu, and seeing as you asked, yes, a bit of a twat.

But it seems its the constant overshare you despise for which yanbu. You hide or delete those who are boring you and follow the stfu parents page.

lockets Sun 27-Jan-13 22:20:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Sun 27-Jan-13 22:21:18

Of course watching your child hit milestones is something to be proud of.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:22:59

No backtracking at all - I still maintain things like rolling and crawling are NOT influenced by parental skill or the intelligence of the child, so why the pride?

DD does OTHER things I am proud of, yes.

Cherriesarelovely Sun 27-Jan-13 22:23:49

I feel proud just looking at DD every single day. I honestly wonder what I did to deserve such a lovely girl. I don't particularly enjoy people sharing every single little thing about their kids on fbook though. Not sure why, it just "grates" as they say in Norfolk.

Shelby2010 Sun 27-Jan-13 22:26:11

But I don't believe you didn't say to her "Look at you, you're so clever!" when she did first roll over, take her first steps etc & then tell proudly tell her father or grandparents about it.

I agree posting about it on FB is a bit OTT, unless of course you only have actual friends/family reading it who might be interested. But sadly half the people who regularly use FB seem to think that other people care about what they had for tea, or the fact they are having a coffee in Starbucks etc so it's probably par for the course for them.

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 22:26:17

You are swinging wildly between "its Facebook" and "I congratulate her" to "only proud of significant things not rolling"

If I were you I'd conceed defeat, accept yabu and slink away to gaze adoringly at dd then Facebook your mates about her amazing snoring grin

lockets Sun 27-Jan-13 22:27:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Sun 27-Jan-13 22:27:58

So don't use FB then,it's not compulsory.people are free to write what the hell they like on their FB.

mymatemax Sun 27-Jan-13 22:28:36

my ds2 has had to work fcking hard to roll over, to site, to stand, to speak I am amazingly proud of him his disabilities mean everything he does is bloody hard work.
DS1 everything just happened naturally, I was pleased & happy of course, not sure pride is exactly the right word but I am proud of the person he is.

I cant imagine ever not feeling pride in my children for many many reasons

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:29:11

Not a SN debate guys hmm

McNewPants2013 Sun 27-Jan-13 22:29:42

I am proud of my DC, even more DS who has austism.

when DS make procress is very slow and I want to shout it over the tannoy system.

Yabu, only because these milestone for you are insignificant they are not to many parents.

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 27-Jan-13 22:30:04

Why the pride? Because watching your child progress and grow is an amazing thing.

Just because they are supposed to do something doesn't make it any less special when they figure out how to do it.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:30:10

Softly my OP makes it very clear that I'm talking about rolling, crawling etc.

Greensleeves Sun 27-Jan-13 22:31:38

my dh saw your thread title and said "oh, fuck off"

I have nothing to add.

SneakyNuts Sun 27-Jan-13 22:31:43

YABU. I was actually really proud when DD crawled and took her first steps, seeing as the state of her hips made me think she never would...

Shelby2010 Sun 27-Jan-13 22:31:54

In that case why is intelligence something to be proud of? It's something you're born with, no effort at all. It comes across that you are more impressed when your DD displays behaviours that you have trained in to her, so you can take credit for it. And that's just being SMUG, which is a much deadlier sin than pride! grin

TwoKidsAndCounting Sun 27-Jan-13 22:32:35

Totes agree with OP, comments like 'I'm so proud of my little man, he's just taken his first steps' and 'my little princess' bla bla bollocks, pass me the sick bucket! Fair enough being happy about these achievements and milestones but proud...? Some people just love the attention!

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 27-Jan-13 22:33:26

Very good point Shelby.

I was incredibly excited and proud when my DD rolled over for the first time. Yes I shared on fb (family overseas, they wanted to see). I share lots of pics, short videos via fb. I share them with my friends and family. People who care about me and DD. I am however refraining from potty training updates. But I was very proud when she peed in the potty for the first time. It was a big deal to her and it was a big deal to me.

YABU. And a teeny bit joyless.

McNewPants2013 Sun 27-Jan-13 22:33:32

rolling, crawling etc

Do you realise there are some children that will never do these things

usualsuspect Sun 27-Jan-13 22:33:52

Mr Greensleeves speaks sense

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:33:59

Phew twokids thank goodness smile

Greensleeves thankyou for your DH's intelligent contribution.

FeckOffCup Sun 27-Jan-13 22:35:16

I think YABU to think that parents shouldn't be proud of their child when they achieve something new even if it is something that most children will do like walking or rolling. I am proud of my 2 year old for starting to be able to carry out a conversation that makes sense (in toddler rationale world anyway) even though it's nothing out of the ordinary at her developmental stage, it gives me great pleasure to see her turning from a baby into a child who is growing up more every day.

I do get the facebook thing though, I have a friend who shares every word/drawing/action that her PFB does and then wonders why people's reactions to it quickly become "meh" or hmm.

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 22:35:55

As does my opening post, but apparently that's different, because all DC are like you dd.

Unfortunately DC are not always the same, they have different needs, and not every child is like the A B C children that simply don't follow the books.

Branleuse Sun 27-Jan-13 22:36:16

if you don't want to read peoples status updates, you can always delete people.
you are being a twat

TandB Sun 27-Jan-13 22:36:19

I agree with Babooshka. There does seem to be a bit of a trend for competitive apathy - good term!

The vast majority of loving parents, particularly first-time parents, are going to be captivated and delighted by their baby's milestones, particularly when it's something that he/she has been trying and trying to achieve for ages.

I'm pretty realistic when it comes to other people's interest in my children, and I don't go on about them at length, but I did post on Facebook when DS2 unexpectedly got up one day and walked across the room, without taking any previous steps.

If people are irritating you by going on and on about their children, then block them or hide their posts. But if it's any mention of milestones or achievements that's annoying you then, realistically, you need to get over it. It's perfectly normal and nice for people to be proud of, or pleased for, or delighted with, or whatever they choose to call it, their children's little achievements.

It's not ugly. It's lovely. What a weird thing to say.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 22:36:24

so now the op says it is not "an SN debat"

twat

I think its bloody brilliant watching a baby go from a tiny scrunched up screaming being to a walking talking mess monster. I am amazed that I have created two bloody amazing children and I will tell my family on facebook about their milestones.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:37:41

What I mean Threesocks is that the posts from those with DC with SN go without saying!

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 22:38:43

You've said you tell your dd you are proud at every step, other posts you say you don't see normal things as something to be proud of.

As I said swinging.

usualsuspect Sun 27-Jan-13 22:38:56

The OPS attitude is ugly and joyless and she probably thinks she is oh so cool.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:39:14

I meant every step METAPHORICALLY!!

Jeez hmm

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania Sun 27-Jan-13 22:40:33

No op I think I read your op completely right. No I know it's not an sn debate but you say crawling, rolling over is automatically done, not in all chi,dren and when you have a chi,d with sn you won't be sp blade about it

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:40:47

Happy - YES smile

Proud? I dunno.

gwenniebee Sun 27-Jan-13 22:40:52

YABU. I am flipping proud of my 6mo dd for just about everything she does! I remember feeling proud of her when the midwife said her heartbeat was "lovely" at an ante-natal check.

Every achievement should be celebrated, the smaller you are, the smaller those achievements, but it should still be celebrated.

lockets Sun 27-Jan-13 22:41:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mixedupmary Sun 27-Jan-13 22:41:55

Yabu - I was proud of my dd when she first rolled, sat up, clapped, waved, fed herself etc etc.

In fact my heart swells with pride everytime she learns something new. I just find it amazing watching my baby grow and develop. Yes shes my pfb but so what smile

pigletmania Sun 27-Jan-13 22:42:04

Yes Higgs you do sound like you haves bee in your bonnet have a wine and relax there are worse things to get your knickers in a twist about

Yfronts Sun 27-Jan-13 22:43:01

For me it wasn't pride - I simply took a lot of enjoyment in watching all my children take first steps/talk etc. It is truly amazing and very cute. I've loved watching my friends children progress too

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:43:32

Hmmmm.....

<thinks>

TandB Sun 27-Jan-13 22:44:06

But it's not a question of SN or no SN. Every baby is an individual, and every family is different.

No two parents will have exactly the same hopes and fears, and no two parents will experience the same emotions when they watch their babies reach milestones.

A parent of a child with disabilities may be absolutely delighted when their baby finally rolls over at 10 months. A parent of a child without any apparent disability might see their baby roll over at 10 months with a mixture of relief and faint unease that there might still be something wrong. A parent of a baby who rolls over at 2 months might be relieved that their family will stop nagging about their cousin's baby who allegedly rolled over at 2 days old.

There are all sorts of emotions tied up with being a parent. Some of those might be ugly. Pride, love and pleasure in their child is never ugly.

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 22:44:33

My ds doesn't have SN, he has a accident in which he is taking steps to recover at his own time, but apparently that's not good enough, and that now means he fits into labeling category, he does not have SN, he's just a child who is recovering from a mammoth accident at hai own time, in which we are proud of and will celebrate to all who will listen... As after all it may have been much worse.

Oh and I'm not talking about only my child, sadly a few posters here would dream of posting of their DC milestones on Facebook but sadly...

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:47:39

So IABU then blush

I'm very self depreciating, perhaps therein lies the rub.

I honestly DO big DD up all the time, but I feel uncomfortable sharing it sad

TandB Sun 27-Jan-13 22:49:23

Then don't share it. But don't be unkind about those who choose to do so.

That's right, I am so bloody excited that DS is being tested to see if he could learn to read as a visual learner, remembering what the word looks like. He can't speak clearly and is 12 next month. However I am so excited and have no one to tell. Yes he has SN mobility issues, needs a wheelchair, stairlift etc SLD, ASD, PDA, DS, heart condition etc etc, I just want to shout look at him.........mind it could be a non starter and could even take years but who cares I never though we would do this!!

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:51:08

Again - obv if your child has SN then yes, tell all - of course you shoud. I won't say that again.

Elderflowergranita Sun 27-Jan-13 22:51:43

I do think you seem joyless, and I love the term 'competitive apathy'.

It is a joy to see children achieve milestones, why not immerse yourself in that happiness?

Lord knows there are many difficult days that we all experience as parents. I think it's really important to acknowledge the little joys.

13Iggis Sun 27-Jan-13 22:51:55

I am proud of my older child who has just leaned to swim, and proud of the baby who is learning to crawl. Neither has required particular intelligence, but rather lots and lots of effort - so maybe it is their perseverance I am proud of.
I never did 'get' why parents made such a fuss about milestones till I had my own child - when you see how completely helpless they are, and then they manage to stick their feet in their mouth for the first time (for instance) it really does seem an achievement worthy of note!

Elderflowergranita Sun 27-Jan-13 22:52:21

Too many 'joys' in my post blush.

Sorry I just hijacked the thread to tell someone, anyone, cos I know peeps on FB couldn't give a shit tbh

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 22:52:53

Why wouldn't you be proud tho OP?

What makes you proud? In what way can your dd make you proud, if she cannot make you proud by learning and developing into her own character, etc...

My child always gives other kids the first toy, even if its a toy he wants, but he's happy that he can play with another toy, of course in ground of this, but that doesn't mean I'm not proud of his milestones.

I just don't get your logic, nor your logic on Facebook considering you use it.

pigletmania Sun 27-Jan-13 22:53:05

Don't share it just with immediate family

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:53:46

Amongst the very many parents I have met, I have never encountered this 'competitive apathy' so I do think that's bollocks.

TwoKidsAndCounting Sun 27-Jan-13 22:54:08

Some people are taking this original post completely out of context, if I'm getting it right anyway!? Why is everyone slating OP for having an opinion about certain types of parents who like to express their feelings in public about things that maybe she feels are certainly not unimportant but don't need shouting from the rooftops. This has nothing to do with intelligence or SN children unless I've got it wrong altogether. But give OP a breAk!

I didn't slate OP just got something off my chest that I've wanted to share for weeks.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 22:56:55

devientenigma I do. that would be brilliant

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 22:57:07

Nothing to do with SN whatsoever smile

Why is everyone slating OP for having an opinion

Because this is MN wink

Give 'em another thread and they'll be right fucking bitches -just being holier than thou for now smile

TandB Sun 27-Jan-13 22:57:15

But you can't dictate who should and shouldn't feel in a particular way.

So if a parent of a child with SN is "allowed" to share their achievements, what about a parent with an older SN child, and a younger child who achieves their milestones much earlier? Are they allowed to share their amazement at their first experience of the usual milestone timetable?

And what about parents who have lost a child? Are they allowed to share their delight in their surviving children?

Or a parent who has suffered PND? Can they share the pleasure they never used to feel in their baby?

Or what about someone who took years to conceive? Or someone who is a lone parent with absolutely no support whatsoever, who is doing it all entirely alone? Or someone whose mum died a few weeks ago and who is concentrating on the good things in life?

And if all those people are allowed to feel proud, then why can't parents with no apparent "issues" or problems share their pride?

Again, there's nothing ugly in pride or pleasure in a child. I would say that begrudging others that pride and pleasure is the uglier sentiment.

Could be a long slog and its my request not the profs but hey I figured worth a go.

13Iggis Sun 27-Jan-13 22:58:11

devientenigma really hope the reading works out for your ds.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 22:59:20

well I love reading about someones child who has done these things. I always smile and try to remember to like the post.
I don't want people to go down my "path" so am always glad for them if things go well

nametakenagain Sun 27-Jan-13 22:59:28

My DD (3) told me today how she can now pick her nose, which she couldn't do when she was a baby. I am so proud.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 23:00:45

kungfupannda good point
I know I celebrate ds's stuff more because of dd

Thanks 13

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:01:18

Silly post Kungfupanda and you know it.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 23:02:05

no it wasn't, it was a very sensible post

TandB Sun 27-Jan-13 23:03:02

Why?

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 23:03:09

I haven't slated OP, she made general assumptions in her OP, and only half heartily back tracked and made assumptions that people with children who don't reach the books average milestones much have SN!!!. And then of course backtracked again... When people pointed out that not all children have SN just because they have had anlite trauma, as I said in my first post the OP is naive to say the least.

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 27-Jan-13 23:03:53

How was it a silly post?

SneakyNuts Sun 27-Jan-13 23:04:00

How is it silly? I think it's spot on actually!

defineme Sun 27-Jan-13 23:04:36

Half of me is with you op: the fucked up dysfunctional socially conditioned halfgrin
I think your thoughts are a product of typical British snobbishness. I too internally sneer at people I deem to be showing off/verbally vomiting about their average offspring.
But then I shake myself and remind myself to try and not bring my kids up to believe that everything they achieve is a fluke and they don't deserve it , I really think being proud of children for their unremarkable milestones could take them a long way.
It's not unwarranted pride-it's being nice and loving and marvelling at the wonder of life. Do you not think it's amazing when the baby giraffe stands up just after being born in a wildlife documentary?Why not marvel at our own babies.
I won't be going on facebook but I will be trying very hard to get over myself.
It's really not nice to think like we do is it?
lets try and stop...

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:05:15

But there are always 5,000 what ifs!

Jayden fucking belching is not an 'achievement' however hmm

I am proud of DS when he rolls over/crawls/stands and I will be proud when he walks etc.

"surely no reflection on your offspring's intelligence or your capability as a parent?"

Really? Is that honestly how you view it? Yes crawling is something that kids will eventually learn, but learn is the key word. They aren't born innately able to crawl/roll/etc because if they were they'd do it straight away. I think it is hugely impressive that a child can go from unable to even lift their own head to crawling! When I mention it, it's because I am proud of him for trying and because I am in awe that they can learn these things so quickly! Babies are absolutely incredible with their capacity to learn and adapt.

I love talking about it with people, because most people I talk to share my sense of wonder about it. It's an amazing and heartwarming thing to watch a child grow.

I don't think you are being a twat, but I don't understand why anyone would be so down on people being proud/happy about their children developing!

Whereas if my DS learns to read it will be a miracle

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 23:07:49

but OP if Jaydon has had a tummy ache
belching is something to be pleased about as mum/dad now knows they have wind

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:08:04

Altinkum - don't assume that we have all read the book regarding SN.

lockets Sun 27-Jan-13 23:09:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:09:34

Not naive - this is not supposed to be about SN (or other developmental delay), please don't make it so angry

TwoKidsAndCounting Sun 27-Jan-13 23:09:58

Didn't understand any of Kungfu's post! Some one told me once that there's nothing more boring than listening to people talk about their kids, until they had them! Wasn't me before you all start banging on! But must admit I half agree actually! It's great to hear about children of whatever ability achieving things within or far out of their reach but posting it on places like FB, why oh why if not to attract people's attentions

We aren't though, we are just showing achievements are there to be pleasured.

TandB Sun 27-Jan-13 23:10:39

Of course there are always 5,000 "what ifs".

That's exactly the point I was making.

You can't say "oh well, it's different for parents of children with SN" because it's different for every single parent.

If it is acceptable for one parent, with one set of circumstances, to be proud of their child, then pride in our children is acceptable full stop. If pride in a child with SN isn't ugly, then pride in a child without SN isn't ugly either.

Or are you honestly going to try to argue that it's lovely that threesocks was proud when her DD spoke a word, but somehow mean and ugly if I'm proud of my DS because he managed to use a fork today?

I think Threesocks and I have encountered one another often enough for me to say with confidence that I'm delighted that her DD's given her a reason for pride, and that she will be pleased that my DS is no longer throwing cutlery at my head.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 23:11:32

ok op you have proved your self now.....yes you are right you are being a twat.
the sn comments prove that

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 27-Jan-13 23:12:29

How nasty.

You don't need to read a book, just get yourself some perspective.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:12:30

Haha - threesocks what a lovely person you are smile

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:12:56

Babooshka the nastiness is coming in MY direction!

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:14:24

I have made NO horrible SN comments at all, but I do object to people barging in and trying to make the OP look a cunt with posts pertaining to SN - seen it on too many threads before angry

SneakyNuts Sun 27-Jan-13 23:14:25

DD farted in Pret today, I'm so proud grin

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 23:14:47

Where did I even mention a book concerning SN OP???, you will find I have not said anything of the sort! .. I have said howwver that children dont ways follow the standard guidelines, its like the yellow book, 50 centile chart, people think being on the 50 centile is normal, when in fact only 50 children out of 100 is on that line, so does that make the other 50, is not normal??

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 23:15:49

Is it an achievement if Freya belches?

Or do you reserve your disdain for those you feel are a bit common.
You're a right little charmer aren't you?

MrsKeithRichards Sun 27-Jan-13 23:15:49

are you feeling tired from all the backtracking yet? Competitive apathy is quite common on mn I've noticed and I suspect that you thought your scathing post would be met with lots of agreement.

But it has not, and your furiously trying to change what you said.

TwoKidsAndCounting Sun 27-Jan-13 23:17:01

I think being on the 50th centime re growth suggests you are 'average' opposed to 'normal'.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:17:11

FFS!

I was raised in a council house by factory worker parents. No washing machine. 2nd hand clothes - shit poor. Still poor.

DO NOT play the snob card angry

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 23:17:40

Another one who thinks kungfu's post was spot on.

Even if you don't agree 'silly post and you know it' is waaaay off the mark.

But you don't seem to take people disagreeing with you very well.

louise3louise3 Sun 27-Jan-13 23:17:47

I have twins who arrived 11 weeks early, almost died with their lungs collapsing, e-coli because some idiot didn't clean the delivery bed I gave birth on. I didn't see them when they were born and had to wait 6 hours to be told they would not survive. 8 weeks later I was 'allowed' finally skin to skin contact and my 8 year old was finally given permission to see his sisters who had been ventilated and in isolation. Now they are nearly 4 and one of them still can't toilet herself and yes My husband and I will be F**** proud when she finally asks to use the toilet, when she's able to hold a crayon and scribble, when she's able to communicate like her twin! God help your child because no one else will.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:17:50

Bollocks MrsKeithRichards.

Quite the opposite.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 23:17:57

yabu though how ever poor you are

WhitePeacock Sun 27-Jan-13 23:18:05

I'm really struggling with Thumper's dad's dictum, "If you can't say something nice..." here.

OP is it any, ANY skin off your rosy nose if somebody else has a little brag about their beloved offspring?

Have you considered deactivating your Facebook account?

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 23:18:37

Well fuck off with your Jayden remarks then.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:19:09

I was answering MrsDeVers's post threesocks.

I do not fit in with the ipad owning, Boden wearing norm of MN

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:19:46

Haha - some hypocrisy there I'll warrant :D

If you read kungfu's post you'll see that SN is only a part of it.

Are parent's who've lost a child not allowed to be proud of milestones their live child reach?
Parents who took a long time to conceive?
Parents with PND?
Etc etc.

What do you think are valid reasons to be proud?

Three socks isn't on an iPad either

TandB Sun 27-Jan-13 23:20:39

Well I'm off to bed. I'm hoping that DS2 might manage a spoon tomorrow to add to his fork-related triumph today.

If he does I shall cheer and clap like a lunatic and squeal "Oooooh who's a clever baby then? Is it you? Is it? Is it? I think you is the cleverest baby in the whole wide world" while DS1 looks at me with this face hmm

And then I shall post it on Facebook and I reckon at least ten people will pretend to be equally excited. That might be just because their humouring me of course - but then again I'll do the same for them. Because I like them.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:21:09

But YOU KNOW I don't mean that smile

Just spoiling that's what you are ;)

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:22:10

Strangely enough, at no point have I abused anyone or told anyone to 'fuck off' smile

SneakyNuts Sun 27-Jan-13 23:22:22

hmm

MrsKeithRichards Sun 27-Jan-13 23:22:29

That norm you speak of is bollocks, I don't think my last post was though.

SneakyNuts Sun 27-Jan-13 23:23:26

No, but do did ask if you are being a twat.

The answer is yes.

lockets Sun 27-Jan-13 23:23:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SneakyNuts Sun 27-Jan-13 23:23:46

*you

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 23:23:46

Ahhh when backed into a corner come out with the 'everyone on MN is MC and mean to me'

hmm

You know damn well what you were getting at. That is why you chose that name. Check yourself.

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 23:24:03

devientenigma does not wear Bodem

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 23:24:37

Normal, average its the same!!! No need to be pedantic.

The OP has backed tracked and still dosen't see why her OP caused an BU response.

loofet Sun 27-Jan-13 23:24:39

Yabu... and very harsh.

I am proud of my dc every day because they are my babies and they fill me with love and pride, surely that is natural and normal? Doesn't matter whether every baby rolls/crawls/walks etc. its still a special moment when YOUR baby does it because you watch them grow every day and that is a part of their journey..

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:25:24

Haha - Higgs Boson?

Honestly gave it no thought. Was on the news that day.

And I'm not on my iPad lol

"I just feel pride if I think my children have lacheived something they have been trying to achieve."

Yes, this, absolutely!

I watched DS try and try and try to get his leg to move forward so he could steal reach my phone. Was is a sign of intelligence? No. Was it something I made happen? No. Was I incredibly proud when he managed it? Oh yes, because he kept trying and didn't give up, and he'd learnt he could do something new. Do I need any more reason to be proud??

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 23:26:18

You can be poor and a snob, my Auntie manages it quite well.

Just saying.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:26:48

Harsh?

Um...I take it you've read the responses then hmm

"I do not fit in with the ipad owning, Boden wearing norm of MN"

Oh ok. Can I take back my "I don't think you are a twat" comment?

"Doesn't matter whether every baby rolls/crawls/walks etc. its still a special moment when YOUR baby does it because you watch them grow every day and that is a part of their journey.."

This as well.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:28:16

Haha :D

My newly ripped arsehole is feeling somewhat sore here.

TwoKidsAndCounting Sun 27-Jan-13 23:28:31

Well no actually, normal and average are two completely different entities altogether. Normal is completely subjective whilst average is a statistical term which is definitive.

dottyspotty2 Sun 27-Jan-13 23:28:46

Well done Op spot on with 3socks she is indeed a lovely person every child is different whether they be NT or SN, the things my son does that makes me proud would probably get laughed at by most people but hey ho I don't care anymore. In answer to your question yes you are a twat a prize one at that.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:29:39

Lovely smile

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 23:31:52

I did warn you to stop digging op.

<<hands over drapoline>>

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 23:32:00

Myself and my kids dot own ansigkenitem of Biden clothes, nor do I own a iPad, I'm from a poor and poverty household with abusive, mental health and alcoholic parents, with pretty abhorrent childhood in between.

Do I win???

threesocksmorgan Sun 27-Jan-13 23:33:38

my dd cannot use a Ipad
do I win??

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:34:28

I do see a lot of posts on here about Boden in style and beauty, 'I'm on 50k and I'm skint' threads and 'which private school should I send DD to' posts in here every day - you can't deny it smile

Aaaaaanyway - that's not relevant - I was just responding to a post accusing me of being a snob. 'tain't so ;)

So because you've seen some threads on a huge forum by people who are wearing Boden using Ipads you've decided that all users on here wear Boden/use Ipads (even though you are on here and do neither)??

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 23:39:09

Ignoring the "how do I make £20 last the week? " "I can't afford my heating", threads yes?

It seems your Internet usage is mainly driven by your massive judgy pants.

You shouldn't wear Boden, nor should you call your child Jayden. And please be non emotive at all times. You are permitted a small smile if a DC wins the Nobel.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:39:56

There does seem to be a very high number of MC types on here.

Now...you can deny that as much as you like, but....

Like I said - not relevant - I was just defending myself against a silly post accusing me of being a snob.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:40:51

Softly you are being a little silly and OTT

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 23:41:22

Again your generalising, out of xxx.xxx members on MN, I'd bet 20 quid that only xxxx areninnthat catagory.

I still stand by my point... In relation to the OP, just because one child am do things first mean all children find it easy or have other milestones to overcome, and by later posts by the OP means they have SN.

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 23:41:24

As you have seen so many threads you would be more than aware that Jayden is shorthand for 'chav' on MN.

Wouldn't you?

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:42:30

Let's not cling so desperately to ONE post ffs.

Yeah - I said Jayden, so what? I didn't use it in the context of talking about 'chavs' or class.

Altinkum Sun 27-Jan-13 23:43:59

Anyway in off to bed... Hope your arse feels better in the morning OP.

Night.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 27-Jan-13 23:44:15

Im proud to be my DD's mother, im a lone parent, had PND, lost temporary custody, thought hard to get her back, she has special needs, and now shes actually starting to catch up with her peers, im darn proud of her, and will continue be, nothing wrong in pride.

And if you hate FB so much, deactivate account and forget about it, simples.

Softlysoftly Sun 27-Jan-13 23:45:02

<<checks last post for basis of fact>>

<<Walks away satisfied>>

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 23:46:45

<smells pants on fire>

"And if you hate FB so much, deactivate account and forget about it, simples."

That too.

And if it's face to face, tell them you don't give a fuck about their pride in their children. Then you'll never have to hear about it again (mostly as they'll probably never talk to you again)

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:47:05

eh smile

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:48:01

Bit of an over reaction to my OP I fancy

Meh. Some of us tried giving you the benefit of the doubt and explaining a different point of view.

HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 23:59:26

Well, thanks y'all for the anal scorching smile

When my son was born he was very ill, he fought through an operation at a few days old, and then he died.

When my daughter was born she had a genetic condition that we were unaware of, she fought for 2 weeks, and then she died too.

So OP I am proud of every single breath my children take, it fills me with pride every time they even glance at me, or say 'Mum' or any single one of the other mundane things that children do every day.

Every picture they have ever drawn I keep, every new thing they do, word they say, song they sing is written in a diary, and every achievement they reach, however small, I am there beside them cheering them on like its the greatest achievemnt ever reached, because, to me, it is.

If you don't like it then don't read it, but don't try and belittle the pride that most of us feel when our children do all the things they are supposed to do. It could quite easily be snatched away at any momet and then you will be filled with regret for taking those moments for granted.

Sleepyfergus Mon 28-Jan-13 00:25:13

Dearie me OP, are you so terribly bored tonight that you decided you come on a stir up a bit of a shit fight with some sweeping and outrageous statements?

I'm afraid you have been a bit of a twat and furiously back pedalling and creating more offence has really not won you any friends has it.

Feeling proud? Oh no, silly me, you don't 'do' proud.

Run along now won't you? Oh, and take this with you biscuit

PenelopeChipShop Mon 28-Jan-13 04:56:48

If its purely the sharing aspect that annoys you I'm not sure why you're just picking on this. People without kids post dull stuff on fb too! or at any rate my friends do

Stinkyminkymoo Mon 28-Jan-13 07:31:29

I'm proud of everything my dd does, why shouldn't I be?

A) it really is amazing watching a little person develop and learn.
B) she's my first so why would I not be proud?

OP, I think you are really mean for not recognising your dc's efforts, YABU.

I don't however give a fuck about other people's and therefore assume they don't about mine so I don't post on fb, so in that respect, YANBU.

Peachy Mon 28-Jan-13 08:51:25

I don't think pride summed it up for me.

Three of my boys walked early, ds4 rolled so early the HV told me I was lying until she saw it for herself and he rolled off the scales.

It wasn't pride, it was simple pleasure that a task had been tackled, that it was one more thing they had achieved.

And what's significant is that 3 of my 4 boys have SN. So I know what it's like when they don't reach milestones- ds3 didn't even try and walk until he was 16 months, ds3 and ds4 are both very delayed still with communication.

So I take pleasure when they do achieve things, but not sure it was pride. Pride is when ds1 (ASD) sat down and revised for a maths exam this weekend without a full team of specialist staff threatening him. Or when ds4 settled in his own bed by choice, or ds3 remembered to change his pants.

Peachy Mon 28-Jan-13 08:53:34

And the days of MN being about Boden and the like have passed.

They DID happen though, absolutely. But they have now pretty much ended.

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 09:01:25

Sleepyfergus, which outrageous statements would those be then?

All I've said is that I find to hard to fathom people who gad on about how proud they are of DC rolling etc., and I do believe that many (not all) of these people genuinely see it at some sort of reflection on themselves.

I DID NOT post to be beaten with a SN stick trying to make me look a cold hearted cunt. Seen that happen on MN hundreds of times.

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 09:05:23

I'm assuming it's only OK to post here as long as everyone is likely to agree with you or if you are MN Royalty an established/prolific poster.

Miggsie Mon 28-Jan-13 09:06:53

Actually, I think being constantly proud of your child is harmful - becuase if you carry on when they are aware of what you feel about them, they will pick up that the most important thing they can do is make their parent feel proud - so they stop doing stuff for themselves and start doing the stuff to make you proud. This can be a terrible burden, and prevent children growing up with a sense of their own self worth - as they only value themselves via the parental reaction they get.
Then they have a time when they do something they think you won't be proud of - what do they do then?

I am pleased when DD does something, but I don't tell her I'm proud - I'm happy and pleased for her. I'd rather she felt good than I felt proud of something.

As for being thrilled when they potty train - I remember endless relief when she finally used the potty. But learning to toilet is a basic life skill - not a reason to bake a cake, or hang bunting.

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 09:08:52

Yes Miggsie and surely pride is something to enjoy quietly?

threesocksmorgan Mon 28-Jan-13 09:13:42

"I DID NOT post to be beaten with a SN stick trying to make me look a cold hearted cunt. Seen that happen on MN hundreds of times."

hmm wtf is a sn stick

TheBigJessie Mon 28-Jan-13 09:20:42

Well, whatever the conclusion of this thread, I will continue to be impressed by my children's physical development.
"surely no reflection on your offspring's intelligence or your capability as a parent?"

No, it's not. Probably why we're all proud of it! As all formerly-bright children know, stuff that you can just do isn't something of which to be proud. grin However, demonstrating perseverance and putting in effort is.

Peachy Mon 28-Jan-13 09:27:50

Threesocks a SN Stick is one that bahs a significant fracture and peeling bark, innit? wink

I assume 'beaten with a SN stick' is a ridiculous way of saying parents defending their children hmm

TheBigJessie Mon 28-Jan-13 09:46:30

I have hit me with your rhythm stick going through my head now. I blame the OP!

dottyspotty2 Mon 28-Jan-13 09:55:24

Op because like it or not our SN kids doing things that seem insignificant to you are huge for instance silly things like my 18 year old counting out how much money he needed for lunch without prompting last week for the first time ever might seem nothing to you or taking himself off to college at 17 alone but massive to him and us.

gazzalw Mon 28-Jan-13 10:02:30

Do you not think it's generally the preserve of first-time parents and possibly the middle-class ones at that?

I remember this fierce competition in ante-natal group with first-born DS. He was quite slow with physical markers such as sitting unaided/walking but not with mental markers or indeed with eating solids (non-pureed food) etc... But there was such a competitive edge to meet-ups with the babies that DW became quite convinced that DS was 'slow'. He certainly isn't now (at a super-selective grammar) and when people say their children walked at 9 months etc...as if it's some great achievement we just nod our heads knowingly.

It's no different really from when DCs start going thro' puberty. Some start very young and some are a lot later but in the end give or take a few exceptions they all go through it and emerge the other side and who cares who was early/average or late to it?

axure Mon 28-Jan-13 10:39:32

Oh dear OP, glad you seem to have a pretty thick skin, it's not nice being called a twat. I agree with you, unless there is some underlying problem DC will reach these milestones if they are raised in a caring, nurturing environment, so really nothing groundbreaking when little Johnny/Jenny starts crawling, no need to bore everyone with the details.
I don't know how being matter of fact about it makes you less of a loving parent as some here have stated.

Peachy Mon 28-Jan-13 10:40:08

I don't think it's the preserve of MC parents certainly

Speaking as a university educated woman raised on a deprivation index estate who therefore has a lot of contact with a wide range of classes.

Right am off to SLT with ds4, am very proud of him as he didn't scream this morning when bathed. So possibly not PFBs either, unless it stands for perfect fourth born in which case OK

threesocksmorgan Mon 28-Jan-13 10:46:57

the op did ask if she was being a twat. read her ip.
so saying she is, is not attacking, just telling her the answer

StickEmUp Mon 28-Jan-13 10:50:45

I have to add to this, I don't have kids and I wouldn't be that bothered about being told about things like rolling over, but hearing my own mother talk about when I 'lifted myself up on my arms' I get it. Apparently she told this to my Dad the day I did it in hysterical fashion. Way before the days of FB LOL

Anyway, my real point is your post about 'we can only post here if MN royalty' smacks to me of a massive childish huff after not being agreed with.
'The big kids can say what they like but I can't <stamps foot>'

OP I get you I truly do ... but you've contradicted yourself so much it's a big hole you have there.

"Do you not think it's generally the preserve of first-time parents and possibly the middle-class ones at that? "

No.

gazzalw Mon 28-Jan-13 11:03:06

Really MurderofGoths? I tend to think based on my own observations that by the time you have had one child you actually see pretty quickly that all DCs, but particularly babies, all develop at their own rate?

Maybe the middle-class bit is wrong though???

TheBigJessie Mon 28-Jan-13 11:08:34

I have never, ever bothered about whether my child sat up first, last, or in average time, whether mean, modal or median average.

But I still felt thrilled to see them do it. Because I find the development of small tiny human beings interesting, especially those I love.

"I tend to think based on my own observations that by the time you have had one child you actually see pretty quickly that all DCs, but particularly babies, all develop at their own rate?"

That doesn't mean that people wont be proud and want to talk about what their later DC's have done.

I know my friends who have more than one child are just as likely to talk about when their 2nd/3rd/etc child rolls or crawls.

TheBigJessie Mon 28-Jan-13 11:10:48

All DCs, but particularly babies, all develop at their own rate?

Which is doubtless why it's still interesting when your fourth child sits up! Seeing a child progressing at their own rate is wonderful!

gazzalw Mon 28-Jan-13 11:11:12

We must have just been slack then grin....

coff33pot Mon 28-Jan-13 11:13:19

Its quite simple really. In answer to your two questions in your OP, you are definitely being unreasonable and yes you are a twat.

Greythorne Mon 28-Jan-13 11:16:21

I DID NOT post to be beaten with a SN stick trying to make me look a cold hearted cunt.

For someone trying not to be perceived as cold-hearted, that's a very cold-hearted thing to say.

TheBigJessie Mon 28-Jan-13 11:16:27

Perhaps you over-did it too much with the first child? grin

dottyspotty2 Mon 28-Jan-13 11:17:49

Funny really its not a first born thing at all I can remember when all mine crawled pulled to stand and walked can even remember the day my youngest laughed for the first time they're 21,18 and 17 now

Greythorne Mon 28-Jan-13 11:22:20

Parents are proud of their children. Grandparents are proud of their grandchildren. People take pleasure and pride in their offspring. It's a good thing. Most parents are highly, highly involved and invested in their offspring, for evolutionary reasons. Getting a buzz or feeling of pride from seeing your particular child do something that is a biological trick which means parents put themselves out for their own kids and not their neighbour's kids, who are, objectively speaking, equally cute and clever and good at rolling.

I for one am glad people are proud of their kids minor and major life events. I know I am. When DH gets home from work I tell him all about the tiny things the DC have done and he laps it up and listens avidly. Anybody else would be bored rigid.

As for FB, just don't go there. Delist yourself (teminology fail?) and your life will be a lot less annoying.

Pigsmummy Mon 28-Jan-13 11:35:18

I love when my DD does something new, I recently put one of these on FB and family who don't live near were delighted to hear about it. FB is for family and friends not the general public so why not put it on there?

Yanbu but you are being a bit of a miser, if it really pisses you off then unfriend them on FB?

MrsDeVere Mon 28-Jan-13 14:55:17

I think that the RL talking about baby's achievement is a PFB thing but now we have FB.

It doesn't take much effort to tell the world about you baby rolling over, sitting up, clapping and pooing (at the same time). Plus we do not have to watch as people's eyes glaze over.

So even us working class mothers with tons of kids can sit in the comfort of our own homes and tell you all about Jayden's (for example) first tooth even if he happens to be DC5 or 10

I put tons of photos of my DCs on FB because they are SO gorgeous and I feel I have a responsibility, NAY a duty to share them with the world.

Its not like I could do that without FB. I wouldn't just wander the streets of East London with a photo album....

threesocksmorgan Mon 28-Jan-13 14:58:14

MrsDeVere I love seeing you pics.

I don't think it is a pfb thing, yes I love sharing about DS and what he does,
but dd has to work so had to do the smallest thing I am dammed if I am not going to share it.

MrsDeVere Mon 28-Jan-13 15:16:24

awww thank you smile

Quite right too. What IS the issue with people being proud of their DCs? When did that become something awful?

I think I missed the memo.

Ullena Mon 28-Jan-13 15:28:38

My late mother never once told me that she was proud of me. She would expect me to achieve very high standards and would be very openly disappointed if I failed. After a while, I just stopped telling her what I had been doing at school, work, etc. As far as I know she was the same when I was a baby too.

Never really clicked until I saw how my elder sisters would praise their children for their acheivements. I remember wishing someone had done that for me. I mentioned it to my father, who assured me that they were both very proud of me, and not to be silly.

That was, and still is, the only actual time he has told me that.

TandB Mon 28-Jan-13 15:36:25

If you do decide to walk the streets of east London with your photo album, please do tell me so that I can come and video people's reactions....

HiggsBoson - a couple of things occur to me.

Firstly, the things you are considering as not worth parental pride are indeed small things, when considered from the viewpoint of an adult who has been doing them for years, but each 'first' is a real achievement for the baby/child - I think that is what people are celebrating.

Secondly, whilst I do accept that most of the rest of the world may have little or no interest in the fact that little Xavier has just said his first word, or done his first poo in the potty, little Xavier's mum has every right to be pleased with his achievement.

I also think it is no bad thing for a child to know that their parents are proud of them. Yes, as a previous poster said, it isn't good for a parent to create a situation where the child achieves just to make their parent proud, nor is it good for a child to receive out-of-proportion praise and adulation for every single thing they do, good or bad - but knowing that your parents think you are special is very important - and perhaps a bit of public boasting is part of making your child feel special. I can remember a little glow of happiness when my dad talked about mentioning an achievement of mine to his colleagues - before the invention of Facebook and the internet, when you had to do your boasting face to face!

MollyMurphy Mon 28-Jan-13 16:07:39

Aw I don't care who doesn't give a shit or how many other children do the same things. To see MY child try so hard and come so far - I am endlessly proud of him. We are his parents, his cheerleaders - why shouldn't we be?

Are we really so jaded that we can have a little joy and pride over our little-ones journey?

Anyone who is a real friend and not just some facebook groupie shouldn't be put out over hearing about a milestone or two. Either see the post and care or don't. Facebook is fraught with mindless posts about what people ate or pooped that day - that is the culture of it. Not my thing personally but hardly worth hiking your judgy-pants up over.

BackforGood Mon 28-Jan-13 16:40:10

What *LingdiLong said on the first page smile
Of course it's exciting when your little one achieves their milestones

Locketjuice Mon 28-Jan-13 16:53:10

Yabu. You have never been proud of your children?! Charming!

PignutSalamander Mon 28-Jan-13 18:17:46

I confess I have not read this whole thread but I needed to add this
I was told dd may never walk or have conscious control of her bladder / bowel when she had her first pee, I was over joyed ( didn't put it on face book though I'm with you on that )
Every pooey nappy I change I thank my lucky stars is not a colostomy bag. Rolling, crawling, walking you have no idea of the unreserved pride I feel seeing her do these things, actually not all kids do.
Don't knock the little things

I am an Early Years teacher and those 'pointless' milestones you seem to be ridiculing are actually hugely important markets of their development and growth. A child who cannot follow a finger or toy from side to side at six months may have sight problems. A child who has not made an attempt to talk at 1 year old may have speech delay. And so on. Biologically speaking parents are designed to note these things, because not doing so could be extremely costly to the child. I have seen the consequences of such.

You may not like your friends sharing these things, but so what? They're your friends. If you love then, get over it - because it is essential that they pay attention to these things, to help catch early signs of autism, dyslexia, speech and language difficulties or global development delay.

Just wanted to put a professional pov on it all.

markers*

Psammead Mon 28-Jan-13 18:38:07

Ha! I feel proud when Dd2 burps grin it would be hard for me not to feel proud of my girls, really. If your own mother cannot think you are the bee's knees, who else will?

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 18:43:16

Locketjuice how fucking ridiculous. I did not say that as well you know angry Also I only have one DD due to a life limiting illness on my part that prevents me from having any more children. I was told I wouldn't be having her and had an extremely risky pregnancy and birth, so I DO know what it feels like to love and appreciate my child thank you very much angry

DD knows she is loved very much and that that we are pleased for her achievements, but I do feel uncomfortable with the concept of 'pride'. It feels too self congratulatory to me.

I've always felt that pride is an ugly thing and hand on heart I have never been proud of DD

^ You did say that so whats your issue with Lockets post? Are you allowed to express your feelings about our pride for our children but we aren't supposed to comment on your lack of pride, no?

trio38 Mon 28-Jan-13 19:21:51

YABU. Dc3 is one and I'm still ridiculously proud of her achievements, even though I've seen it all before and I'm aware nearly all children reach these milestones. It's part of the joy of having a very young child.

What makes me gag is people posting older children's achievements ie "Tilly was voted class monitor again and Jasper has passed his grade 2 tuba with a high merit."

That's boasting imo, rather than sharing excitement at a babies natural development.

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 19:24:36

That isn't my entire sentence FFS angry

hand on heart I have never been proud of DD Crawling, walking or taking a shit

That's the full sentence - quit with the misquotes.

For fear of also having a new one ripped, I actually agree with the OP on both points. I'll use a recent FB update from a friend to illustrate:

'DS ate mashed carrot on his four month birthday! Proud mummy and daddy!'

Regarding FB update about PFB - as this thread has illustrated, some people find these kinds of updates irritating, others like them. Each to their own - I'm in the former category.

But why 'proud'? In this instance, they strapped a baby incapable of resisting into his highchair and pushed food into his mouth which he (miraculously at four months old) didn't spit out. Pleased, excited, thrilled, captivated - yes, yes, yes, yes and more. But proud? Why?

I was over the moon when DS rolled, sat up etc - thrilled, texted immediate family, slightly relieved that he did them 'on schedule' (I used to work in SN), told him how lovely he was, showered him with kisses and cuddles in my joy...but pride? Being proud of something suggests to me that a certain level of conscientious effort, sacrifice or above-and-beyond commitment was required. Normal levels of infant perseverance biologically required to meet milestones elicits joy, anticipation and many other positive emotions on my part, but I don't feel that 'pride' is the appropriate term.

Maybe you and I just have an off-the-beaten-track definition of 'pride' OP <shrugs>

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 19:27:09

It would seem so Elphaba smile

Littlebearlost Mon 28-Jan-13 19:32:26

Fb is showboating. It's all very over the top. Every new baby that's on there gets comments like "stunning" "amazing" "most beautiful thing I've e er seen" etc etc. it's all a bit ott.
Similarly people need to get a grip about minor achievements. I was glad when ds met his milestones but not really proud. They were things I assumed he'd do because most children do them. Had he not, I'd have been worried. So yes, I was pleased and thankful but not really proud.
I am proud of him for things that are specific to him but I don't put it on fb. I had a friend put a comment on the photo of her eight week old daughter stating that her daughter had "advanced head control" and was already grasping things. She followed up by saying she expected her daughter would be an early walker.
It's things like that that irritate me, although I guess they are harmless. I just can't really understand it. Anyone that describes a small baby as advanced gets on my nerves.
So I think in general yanbu to not want to read about it but the parents arent bu to be proud I guess.

thebody Mon 28-Jan-13 19:34:03

Does it really matter though op? Yes it's a bit irritating especially as of course my children are the best in the world but so what!

It's the parents who neglect, are cruel or don't give a shit that worry me.

iwantanafternoonnap Mon 28-Jan-13 19:44:05

I always feel really proud that when my DS has a shit he feels the need to coax it out in a really loud voice even when in public loos e.g. COME OUT POO COME ON< COME OUT grunt grunt grunt wink

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 28-Jan-13 20:32:33

I feel like people are misunderstanding the meaning of 'Pride'. Pride is not necessarily attributed to oneself. Feeling pride in something your child does (or indeed in anything another person does) is not the same as being smug or self-congratulatory.
I was and am proud of all DD's achievements, including rolling, crawling etc. Some of these I posted on FB. Some of my friends post achievements that their DCs have reached. I don't find this annoying.
As someone said previously, FB is full of people sharing ridiculous aspects of their life, such as what they had for dinner or when they last did a poo. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Suck it up, OP. I think you're being unreasonable. Although I'm not sure you quite deserve the level of flaming on this thread.
Also some of the updates about DCs are incredibly funny. I loved the 'where willy' one above.
Also my daughter is of course the most ridiculously beautiful girl in the world (which I do not take credit for) so I feel, like Mrs De Vere, that it is my duty to share her beauty with the world wink

JassyRadlett Mon 28-Jan-13 20:47:10

Altinkum, I'm in the same boat with family on the other side of the world. I don't go overboard with development updates but I post a lot about my kid because I know about half my audience would rather hear about him than any other banalities about me and my non-kid life. grin

Those who don't use Facebook - food for you, you can join those who delight in talking about how they don't watch TV because it's 'all crap' in my own personal psueuds' corner. It's a platform, the content varies with who your friends are. If your friends are banal and crap, that's hardly the platform's fault.

And those who do use FB but find this stuff self-absorbed and even narcissistic - don't you find at least a good proportion of FB posts are at least a wee bit like that, whether about kids or not? Some of it's interesting to me, some not. Some people run brilliant social campaigns, others post pictures of food they're cooking. But ultimately it's a place with a big 'let me tell you what I'm thinking/doing' as its reason for existing. Just don't get the angst when people seem surprised to find FB posts can seem self-absorbed.

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