AIBU to be quietly pissed off with a woman taking up a buggy space with her "reborn" doll?

(162 Posts)
VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 21:31:53

First up, I fully accept that this woman may well have psychological issues. And there is NO WAY I would say anything out loud.

And people are welcome to whatever hobbies they enjoy, and if that involves buying big expensive travel systems for your doll then be my guest.

But taking up a buggy space on a busy bus/train? AIBU to think this is taking your hobby a tiny bit too far?

bamboostalks Sat 26-Jan-13 21:32:41

Well like you said, she's obviously a bit mad.

KumquatMae Sat 26-Jan-13 21:33:54

No, yanbu. I would seethe about it silently then rant when I got home - buggy spaces are like GOLD DUST.

LittleMissFantabulous Sat 26-Jan-13 21:35:07

I'd have been tempted to point out the luggage rack.

PPT Sat 26-Jan-13 21:35:25

Yanbu- would also have been seething confused

CloudsAndTrees Sat 26-Jan-13 21:35:28

A tiny bit too far?? confused

That's just plain weird. And I wouldn't assume she had MH issues. Why should she? There are people with perfect mental health that like to jump off cliffs FFS. Some people are just odd.

AgentZigzag Sat 26-Jan-13 21:35:44

Ooh, nice twist on the pushchair space on the bus/train dilemma grin

Reminds me of the Dawn French character in Psychoville.

If it's impacting on other people then it is probably taking it a little too far when you don't know the reasoning behind it.

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 21:36:01

I don't think anyone else noticed it was a doll, btw, people were giving her lots of space and offering to help with lifting the buggy on and off the train.

toddlerama Sat 26-Jan-13 21:36:31

Lol, YANBU. Did this happen to you or did you see it on that documentary?

ISeeSmallPeople Sat 26-Jan-13 21:36:35

Could you have suggested a nice sling to her? smile

toddlerama Sat 26-Jan-13 21:36:50

Sorry, x-post
Are you sure it was a doll?

deleted203 Sat 26-Jan-13 21:36:58

YABU not to have said, 'Move your fucking doll out my space!' grin. Sorry, I think you were far too polite (assuming you needed the space). She was clearly weird but I wouldn't have suffered in silence.

HopAndSkip Sat 26-Jan-13 21:37:13

I think to some people, those dolls are literally like substitute babies, like some people treat their dogs like actual babies. I get you being irritated about lack of space, but I would rather her be happy and have to squeeze past for a few seconds/stand a bit closer to someone for the journey, than her be stressed out and not enjoy her whole day out.


Unlike the situation with a baby, she could have put the doll in the luggage rack whilst she folded the pushchair, so wouldn't even needed anyone to give her a hand. grin

I would only say that she wasn't BtotallyU if she was utilising the pushchair as a trolley for her shopping. wink

bootsycollins Sat 26-Jan-13 21:37:25

My friend had an auntie who used to push a goldfish around in a coachbuilt pram (the goldfish was in a goldfish bowl). Another friend had a cousin who put a babygro on her cat then strangled it to death. You'd have to be irrational.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 26-Jan-13 21:37:34


I like the suggestion of the luggage rack.

AgentZigzag Sat 26-Jan-13 21:38:25

Very true Clouds, but you have to remember that any unusual behaviour means the person is obviously a mentalist hmm

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 21:38:38

I did want to suggest a sling to her, for ease of use on public transport ... (i had DS on my back in one!)

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 26-Jan-13 21:38:59

I'd be just as pissed off if she was taking up the space with a buggy full of shopping tbh. Did you have to fold up your buggy then or were you even able to get on the bus?

HollyBerryBush Sat 26-Jan-13 21:39:12

I'm the only one wondering whats wrong with taking your goldfish for a walk aren't I ?

AgentZigzag Sat 26-Jan-13 21:39:35

Just read that back and I meant it as sarky, not aimed at you Clouds.

Catching I would still be miffed, but at least it would seem to be having a practical purpose, rather than just an indulgence, if you get my drift. smile

Gigondas Sat 26-Jan-13 21:41:15

Yes you are holly smile

catladycourtney1 Sat 26-Jan-13 21:42:18

If she wasn't stopping someone getting on with a buggy containing an actual child, then I would have left her to it. But if she was then that's a different thing and I would have had to say something.

HopAndSkip Sat 26-Jan-13 21:42:28

Good idea ISee about the sling haha!

That reminded me, I had my DD in a sling when she was first out of hospital (Was very premature so she was smaller than your average newborn at this point) and was getting really weird glances off a shop assistant until I went up to the till, then the shop assistant went "OH!! I thought she was a doll, she looked to small to be real!!"
Did give me a laugh - though I wonder how many other people thought she was a toy!

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 21:43:02

Yes, it was 100% a doll. And it happened to me, today, (on a train from Stratford Westfield)

bootsycollins Sat 26-Jan-13 21:43:41

I'm so gonna have a pram full of cats wearing bonnets when I'm an old lady, looking forward to it grin

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 26-Jan-13 21:43:49

Yes that's true muddling, even if she had a plant pot in the buggy it would still be serving more of a practical purpose than being used for a doll!

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 21:44:00

I don't think I said she definitely had MH issues... Just said I was aware it was a possibility therefore I may be BU.

bootsycollins Sat 26-Jan-13 21:45:24

In my defence my cats will be real not soft toys grin

Greensleeves Sat 26-Jan-13 21:46:03

If I had needed the buggy space, I would have asked her to move it. It's a doll. FFS.

Flossiechops Sat 26-Jan-13 21:47:27

But surely she is mentally ill? I mean I saw that programme with those women and they were never right, never in a month of Sundays. One of them even bought Dior clothes for the doll. Op yanbu!

McPhee Sat 26-Jan-13 21:50:13

I'd have asked her if she was off to the charity shop with it all grin

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 26-Jan-13 21:50:31

HopandSkip I had exactly the same when my DS was in the sling wearing his fluffy bodysuit thing with teddy bear ears!! Lol! The poor teenage shop assistant thought I had a screw loose, I'm sure!

I think the op is really sad, though.... That woman is replacing something she's lost or has never had and wants so desperately sad

frustratedworkingmum Sat 26-Jan-13 21:51:45

YABVU, she may have mental health problems, may? Id say she definately has. You know, maybe she lost a baby? Maybe she lost a child?

I can't believe people would be cross or say something?

"oh sorry, can you put your doll in the luggage basket, my REAL child needs a space" imagine how that would make her feel

specialsubject Sat 26-Jan-13 21:56:00

never heard of this so looked it up. OMG.

meanwhile I remember being in a cafe where a family (mum, dad, toddler) where having a snack, while a very realistic baby doll was flat on its back on a spare chair, apparently unmoving. Assumed it belonged to the toddler - until they prepared to leave, when dad picked up the 'doll' very carefully. Extremely asleep baby!

specialsubject Sat 26-Jan-13 21:56:39

normally I do know the difference between 'where' and 'were'. blush

Gigondas Sat 26-Jan-13 21:57:51

How are you going to keep them in biopsy? Put the rain cover or try to use straps on them?

Gigondas Sat 26-Jan-13 21:58:11

Bah- bootsy not biopsy

Greensleeves Sat 26-Jan-13 21:58:17

OFGS of course she should be asked to move it so an actual child can use the space. It's a doll.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Sat 26-Jan-13 22:04:23

I've seen a girl in her late teens babywearing a fluffy teddy recently, too sad

I would try not to say anything... however, if she was depriving my DCs of space to travel safely, I might ask if she could move. Having an odd hobby and/or MH issues does not preclude the sort of common sense which suggests that wriggling babies need to be safely parked.

Katienana Sat 26-Jan-13 22:07:21

Even if she had had a personal tragedy she should be asked to move - its better for her in the,long run to be,treat as a normal person.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 26-Jan-13 22:08:56

I had similar before I'd seen the 'documentary' on these things. Was preggers & grabbed one of the last seats on a rush hr bus & then a woman with a HUGE pram system got on with much huffing & people making way for her & generally being nice.

Her 'baby' was in a sling & she was standing holding a pole in front of her. I was lost in intense buggy & sling comparison, & day dreaming about when mine would be out of tummy & in the world... When the bus braked hard & everyone got thrown forwards. An older lady instinctively flung out her arm to protect the new born & then I'm afraid I gave out a small shriek, as did the older lady... The 'mum' had clung onto the pole in front of her & body slammed herself into it squashing the baby in between her & the pole.

Oh my goodness, I can still see the 'baby's' little legs contorted and it was absolutely hideous. It was only then I realised the 'mum' hadn't even noticed & the legs bent like plastic. Utterly freaked out. Met eyes with older lady who'd obviously just realised the same thing. I felt so sick & totally over protective about my bump. Don't actually know what was worse... Thinking the baby was horribly injured while it's mother just stood there, or realising the baby wasn't a baby but something else (I'm afraid my thoughts didn't leap straight to doll, something was obviously hideously wrong with the 'mum' & for a heart stopping moment I thought... Well, you know).

Saw her again when ds was born, stood next to her on the same bus, me with buggy as well that time, & my baby already bigger than her doll-baby. Went from horrified revulsion to deep deep sadness for her in that split second.

littleducks Sat 26-Jan-13 22:10:39

Honestly, I would just leave it. If she had a lare little old lady shopping trolley (the ones with four wheels at the base instead of two) or suitcases or had bought a large bulky item she may have ended up taking the space so I would just assume there was some kind of reason and accept she got there first and got the space.

I might find it a bit odd to push around a doll, but she might find it comforting somehow.

TidyDancer Sat 26-Jan-13 22:11:19

Was anyone else needing to use the space?

DizzyZebra Sat 26-Jan-13 22:12:28

Are you sure it was a doll? People thought both of mine were dolls when they were newborns. They actually came up and asked/said they thought so sometimes.

DizzyZebra Sat 26-Jan-13 22:14:45

Due to my own experience i wouldn't ask her to move as i would not want to risk being one of the people that kept saying things about my kids.

PenguinBear Sat 26-Jan-13 22:19:13

YANBU if you needed the space, though if you didn't, can see what harm she was doing.

Are you sure it was a doll? Dd1 thought a lady on the train had a doll a few years back and kept wanting to go see the 'dolly' and key saying she wanted one. She nagged me to go over and ask where it
Was from and Turns out it was a real baby! blush luckily the
Woman was very nice about it!

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 22:19:28

To reiterate - I didn't ask her to move, tut or otherwise show any kind of disapproval.

I got on just as it was leaving and only went a couple of stops, didn't see anyone else want to use it particularly.

Yes, it was definitely a doll. Real babies don't sleep totally motionless with their arm vertical for starters smile. Fully kitted out JL travel system though including a changing bag and those glove attachment thingies.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 26-Jan-13 22:25:10

If the doll was in a buggy then where else is she going to put it apart from a buggy space?grin

DizzyZebra Sat 26-Jan-13 22:25:20

Mine slept pretty motionless... that's why people thought they were dolls. Some teenagers actually had an argument about my son once.

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 22:29:43

Dizzy It was the arm sticking up vertically for 15 thing I was pointing out, not sleeping motionless!

Good point pixie!

When ds was born he was only 4lb5 and when I was in town people actually came up and asked me where I got him. One lady wanted a lifelike doll for her grandaughter's birthday. He projectile vomited all down her front. Think he was trying to make a point grin

I think that woman should have moved, those saying that it's ok if nobody else needed the space, if someone with a buggy or wheelchair saw the space was full they wouldn't try to get on would they? So she should have left the space free in case someone actually needed it.

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 22:30:41

Hmm meant to say 15 minutes. Plus, well, it just was a doll. You may have to trust I can tell the difference! I was standing behind her so got a good look.

HollyBerryBush Sat 26-Jan-13 22:31:47

ummm DS3 could sleep for 14 hours with both arms vertical and never move an inch

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 26-Jan-13 22:32:30

How sad, that poor woman.
I'd have ignored,

5madthings Sat 26-Jan-13 22:34:11

What arms up in the air verticke, lots if babies sleep with their arms above their heads but not up in the air which is what I think thee op means.

If I had needed the space I would have politely asked her to move.

But if nobody needs the space then its not hurting anybody.

HollyBerryBush Sat 26-Jan-13 22:35:34

I mean up in the air, not above his head. Out at right angles

DoingTheSwanThing Sat 26-Jan-13 22:36:25

I'd be pissed off too, while trying very hard to understand it. A woman at work brought one of her "babies" in once and was surprised I didn't want to cuddle it... Never thought there was anything odd about her before that! Months later I'm still confused. Seemed to make her happy though <shrug>

bringnbuy Sat 26-Jan-13 22:36:33

i don't see a woman with one of these dolls as doing it for a hobby. i see it more than likely as some kind of emotional comfort/support for something she has either lost or can never have. if i were on a crowded bus and saw similar situation, i think i would feel sadness for the women rather than anger

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 22:37:01

Honestly, it was a doll. I promise, I can tell. I was a couple of feet away absolute maximum.

I am impressed at your son's super skills though Holly - my arms ache after about a minute of holding them over my head!

LouMae Sat 26-Jan-13 22:37:48

That is pretty odd.

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 22:39:12

I felt sad too, bringnbuy but then thought isn't that a bit patronising of me? Maybe she just enjoys it? Maybe people feel sorry for me because I enjoy geeky choral singing?

VinegarDrinker Sat 26-Jan-13 22:41:09

"I'd be pissed off too, while trying very hard to understand it."

I think this is the closest to how I was feeling... I'm not posting to laugh at her.

bringnbuy Sat 26-Jan-13 22:43:26

i don't think there is anything wrong feeling a genuine sincere sorrow for someone. i can't have more than one child/have had to deal with secondary infertility for 8 years and whilst i wouldn't DREAM of having one of those creepy dolls i would feel some kind of sadness towards the women if her reason for having one was because she was infertile. then again, she might just like dolls/be eccentric but my natural reaction would be to think it was an infertility issue.

bringnbuy Sat 26-Jan-13 22:44:29

ps: nothing wrong with choral singing :-) i still love watching Little House On The Prairie and still usually end up crying at the ripe old age of 48 whilst dd 9 sits there looking at me as if i was mad...

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 22:45:46

I have this hilarious image in my head of her getting the doll out and putting it on the luggage rack and being so realistic all the other passengers thinking, fucking hell that woman's just put her baby on the luggage rack!

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 22:47:20

Yabu however, to her it's her baby

I've seen a woman stood at a bus stop with a dog in a huge pram

bringnbuy Sat 26-Jan-13 22:56:22

i often see eccentric women walking around bootsales with dogs in buggys, normal to me as used to it. when i used to live in notting hill i remember going into an old electrical shop, quite run down shop. near to the counter was what i thought was the shop owners dog. lovely sheep dog, curled up on the floor. i commented to the man how lovely the dog was and realised about half way through my comment that the dog was indeed dead/stuffed. really surreal and sad at the same time. totally freaked me out actually.

greeneyed Sat 26-Jan-13 22:45:46

>>>> I have this hilarious image in my head of her getting the doll out and putting it on the luggage rack and being so realistic all the other passengers thinking, fucking hell that woman's just put her baby on the luggage rack! <<<<

I never thought of that! shock grin

You did make me laugh! grin

Xmasbaby11 Sat 26-Jan-13 23:40:50

Poor woman. Yes, be quietly pissed off. And not say anything.

Chunderella Sat 26-Jan-13 23:45:39

I'd have done what you did OP.

pigletmania Sat 26-Jan-13 23:47:45

YANBU how odd

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 27-Jan-13 00:17:52

YANBU. It's weird. And potentially rude and inconvenient to others with real babies.

MrsMushroom Sun 27-Jan-13 00:31:41

My friend regularly refuses to meet the eye of the woman who carries her doll onto the bus in her arms and looks around expectantly for someone to offer her a seat!

garlicblocks Sun 27-Jan-13 00:33:15

I had to look it up, too. My god, they're lifelike, aren't they? shock I definitely suffered from the uncanny valley effect, just looking at the pictures! Mind you, Cabbage Patch dolls freak me out as well so I'm clearly way off target market.

Anyways ... I sympathise, OP, but YABU. She had a buggy. She put it in a buggy space. That's it.

garlicblocks Sun 27-Jan-13 00:45:06

Hahahahah! Look at these!

Bella88 Sun 27-Jan-13 01:37:39

Poor cow has failed at life and if her dolly provides her with a bit of comfort who are we to denigrate that.

Instead of getting irritated, count your blessings that you have a real life child and don't have to play make believe.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sun 27-Jan-13 02:08:41

This whole reborn doll stuff freaks me out a bit if I'm honest. It's probably because I don't understand the needs of the people who have them.

Icelollycraving Sun 27-Jan-13 02:33:25

Whilst it is understandable to want that space,count your blessings you have an actual baby which is clearly what she wants sad
I have a customer who carries a baby sized kind of teddy. It's hard to describe,at first glance I always think it's a baby in an outfit with ears, it freaks me out a bit as I always think 'is there a baby in there?' The face is turned to her & she carries it if it's the most precious thing,like you would a baby. It is always in exactly the same position & doesn't move. She speaks very confidently,her dh/dp is always with her. I always feel quietly unsettled after seeing them.

LostWithoutDom Sun 27-Jan-13 03:25:54

Some of these comments make me so sad. As most seem to be having a laugh at her expense.

For the people that don't understand you should watch the documentary on them.

One woman always wanted children and was unable to have any.

Another was a Grandma, she looked after her Grandson all the time and then he moved to Australia. She missed out on him growing up and it created a huge void in her life. She had a doll made to look like her Grandson when he was a baby.

You don't have to 'get it'. But at least show some empathy to people that are sometimes using reborns as a coping method.

Stinkyminkymoo Sun 27-Jan-13 04:08:03

I know of a woman who would bring all her stuffed toys into a tea shop in a dept store and sit them all on the bench and 'feed' them whilst having tea.

I commented to my sister (who was the store manager) about it being a bit weird and she told me all her children had died in a house fire & she never got over losing all her babies. The staff all knew and let her get on with it.

Made be feel so sad and extremely judgemental . You just never know the background to these things. hmm

retrocutie Sun 27-Jan-13 04:21:09

This thread is both hilarious - and sad sad

Hesterton Sun 27-Jan-13 05:44:58

LostwithoutDom I agree with you.

Each to her own.

And OP, YABU for going to Stratford Westfield which is one of the most utterly depressing places on the planet.

bringnbuy Sun 27-Jan-13 06:14:01

right on lost, you got it in a nutshell. hesterton i live in east london and CONSTANTLY get 'have you been to westfield*. NO I BLOODY HAVEN'T. i imagine it to be how you have described. would rather stick pins in my eyes smile

Hesterton Sun 27-Jan-13 06:30:47

I work nearby, and I find it soul destroying! I quite like the old Stratford Mall with it's scruffy shops and mad stalls though and stay loyal to that. Just find the Westfield a characterless 21st century temple to stuff. Lots of lots of really expensive bland stuff and hoards of people just walking up and down, up and down. No independent shops, or hardly any. Even the food hall is grimly similar to a motorway service station. Actually, the whole place is like one big, vile service station.

VinegarDrinker Sun 27-Jan-13 07:02:35

Hah, I wasn't actually in Westfield ... Without outing myself totally, I work near-ish there, too. But most people who get on at Stratford seem to have been at Westfield given the shopping bags.

I have been once or twice - mostly to see what the fuss is about (especially about JL). But I agree it is pretty much hell on earth. The main thing to go to Stratford for is Mothercare and the one in the Mall is much quieter and bigger.

Westfield is just so expensive! The kids shops (apart from Mothercare) are eye wateringly so.

IceNoSlice Sun 27-Jan-13 08:06:50

Sad and creepy at the same time. I do get all the stuff about people using the dolls to cope with infertility, loss etc, I really do. But at the same time, ugh!

And those Twilight ones garlic! WTAF??

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 27-Jan-13 09:13:12

Read the uncanny valley link and thats so true! Exactly explains why I felt so 'weird' in that moment of realising that it was a doll - was a very strange feeling. Was fine the next time I saw it as I Knew it was a doll, and so wasnt in that vague disturbing territory of is that a baby, but there's something just not right... Obviously being preggers didn't help!

nappyaddict Sun 27-Jan-13 09:25:27

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Do you happen to live in the Weston/Bristol area?

MrsKeithRichards Sun 27-Jan-13 09:46:11

I did have an argument with a lady who had a dog in a buggy in the wheelchair space when I wanted on with my newborn in a pram. She did collapse her stroller, and the dog sat on the floor and order was restored.

I know wheelchair user's need for the space trumps mine but surely I trump a dog in a buggy?

OnwardBound Sun 27-Jan-13 10:17:06

I think it would be very unkind to ask this woman to put her 'baby' in the luggage rack.

It's real enough for her.

And who knows what her story might be re infant death, infertility, MH issues ie early onset dementia, whatever...

I really struggle with the idea of some of you here being angered or irritated enough by this to ask her to fold buggy up and put the doll in the luggage compartment.

Also, as some have pointed out, you may get it wrong and the 'doll' might be a real baby after all!

Just feel there should be a little more tolerance and patience for difference even if don't fully understand it.

FeckOffCup Sun 27-Jan-13 10:17:40

Yes I would definitely say a child in a buggy trumps a dog in a buggy, dogs should be on the floor not being pushed around on wheels.

OnwardBound Sun 27-Jan-13 10:20:21

Poor cow has failed at life

That's charming Bella hmm

ResolutelyCheeky Sun 27-Jan-13 10:21:51

When my dd was a baby people used to think she was a doll because she was born with shoulder length hair and was very 'doll faced'. I used to get strange looks all the time and as my baby wasn't a cryer I'm sure a lot of people made these assumptions about me too sad still had a gorgeous baby though smile

RooneyMara Sun 27-Jan-13 10:25:23

Well reborn dolls are something I came across several years ago when I used to repair antique dolls. I saw all sorts of different dolls, it was very interesting - never saw one of these in RL but imo they look like dead babies and are really horrible.

I knew someone who was interested in them, not sure if she ever got one - but she had lost a baby late in pregnancy and never managed to have another, though she had a child already thankfully.

I think they are a very emotive object for a lot of people - and I try not to judge but I do find them very disturbing.

I hope it was a doll, not something else.

She might have been

doing a documentary about how easy it is to negotiate your way round Westfields with a small baby and pram (but took a faux baby for convenience/ unavailability of real baby for experiment)

her teenage daughter might have had one of those "look after me or I'll grass you up" babies that they give to teens to try and put them off RLbabies. And her DD had sneaked out shopping , but the woman was determined she had to take her 'Baby'with her. So set off to find her.

fuzzpig Sun 27-Jan-13 10:57:01

I think they are harmless really (although I'd find it very hard to feel charitable if I'd been unable to get my baby/buggy on board because of her)

The only incidence of this that really made me sad though was some article - it was linked on MN a good while back - about a woman who had a reborn doll when she already had a child. That must have been quite hard for the child who was seeing her mum spend hundreds of pounds on a doll, I'd have thought.

Catchingmockingbirds Sun 27-Jan-13 11:40:18

...they look like dead babies and are really horrible.

That's what I think when I see them too sad.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Sun 27-Jan-13 12:00:46

Poor cow has failed at life

Bella??? What a vile comment.

I feel sorry for the poor woman. She either has mental health issues or is suffering from trauma.

Some of you are so incredible heartless - I can't believe people have suggested 'asking her to put it in the luggage area' or telling her to move her doll.

I hope you never suffer the illness or trauma that leads her to do this - she's not doing it for kicks you know.

HyvaPaiva Sun 27-Jan-13 12:27:12

'Poor cow has failed at life' Bella, that is disgusting of you.

WaitingForMe Sun 27-Jan-13 12:28:17

I'd never have the confidence to be sure the baby wasn't real. DS regularly looks a bit fake to me when he's asleep partly due to the cream I use for his eczema which gives him a slightly plasticky sheen.

catladycourtney1 Sun 27-Jan-13 12:33:08

I watched something about a woman who pushed her cats around in a buggy once. I fear that may be me one day. Probably quite soon.

zookeeper Sun 27-Jan-13 12:36:01

I wouldn't say a thing, however irritated I might feel. I would feel sorry for her. Some people are very hard.

Ullena Sun 27-Jan-13 12:41:33

Bella, if you yourself are childless and feel you have failed at life, then I feel sorry about that. I have been there. I have since moved past that point where you can't walk past a baby without feeling a stab of misery, but I still remember what it was like. Your post has reminded me all over again sad It did come across as a very insensitive thing to post though, especially if you are not in this situation yourself.

I feel sorry for the woman with the doll too, but I do understand that it would be a bit eyebrow raising for an actual parent, especially if they needed the space for their own baby. Although I'm utterly terrified of dolls in general, so am not clicking on the links!

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 27-Jan-13 12:50:38

Apparently plenty of people who don't have any issues buy these dolls,so whilst jumping on someone for a comment (that yes was a bit thoughtless) and using the she obviously has problems line is just as thoughtless.

Its entirely possible she's just a grown up who wanted a decent doll.

That aside and as much as the dolls creep me out, I hadn't realised the amount of work that goes into making them apparently its 30 hours just to do the hair,that's some work and I expect it takes real talent to do.

RooneyMara Sun 27-Jan-13 12:51:44

I recently sold a buggy to a couple (I think - she was about 60, he was about 25) who wanted it for their dog.

Lovely people. Dog tried to kill me.

The dog died a few weeks later. They wrote to tell me, in capitals. poor dog.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Sun 27-Jan-13 13:06:35

nappyaddict No it was in Central London, a tube station

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Sun 27-Jan-13 13:09:01

OMG.. poor cow?!?!? sad

Hope I never meet you on a bus

Bella88 Sun 27-Jan-13 13:35:11

Ullena, yes that it exactly the place I was posting from, thank you for reading between the lines and not being so quick to condemn me for an admittedly stupid comment.

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 14:51:41

This sort of thing is just part of living in East London really.

But if you were on a crowded train and there were buggies and wc users needing space it would be very annoying.

Even if the woman did have MH issues (which is not a given).

That woman on the documentary just seemed to genuinely want a baby without all the hassle. She liked buying prams and clothes and DKNY bottles. She didn't want a baby actually messing these things up. She also enjoyed the attention.

People can be seriously weird without being ill. They can also be selfish twats.

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 14:54:20

Sorry but I disagree about that grandmother.
She mightly pissed me off and I am not surprised her DD moved to the other side of the world.
She acted as if her GC was dead. She carried on as if he was dead.
Then we found out he was happy and healthy and in Australia.

Frankly I felt more like punching her than feeling sorry for her.

Me too MrsDV The best bit was when the GC called her a really strange insult - That's not a baby, you numnuts! or something.

5madthings Sun 27-Jan-13 15:10:31

Oh yes I remember the grandma mrsdevere and the real life grandson talking to her on Skype!

Ask said earlier each to their own and if nobody actually needs the space then fine but if someone actually does need the space then yes she should move it!

TepidCoffee Sun 27-Jan-13 15:13:41

You weren't going to Chelmsford were you OP?

Maybe she had gone loopy in the fog of wanting a babysad
She wasn't doing you any harm & anyways if the child was real the space would have still been taken.

loofet Sun 27-Jan-13 15:36:50

I've seen a few documentaries on this.

Some women do have 'issues', either through loss of a child or fertility problems but for some they didn't want an actual screaming, shitting, pissing (list could go on) baby who would eventually grow up and they would always be responsible for this child. They just wanted a baby that stayed at newborn stage and didn't cry all night etc. Spent £££ on them but way they justified it was how some people are with their car or pets which is true. Some people do see their car or dog as their 'baby' and spend a fortune on them. So it might seem weird to us regular folk because we can't get over the notion of it being a doll that kids play with but really its no more weird than people with dressed up dogs and whatever.

I do feel very sad for the women who do it because they couldn't have their own kids/lost their DC though sad Must be nice for them to have that comfort. I did see one woman who had a doll done like the baby she lost sad I cried.

Off on slight tangent there! As long as woman wasn't preventing someone who needed it for a real living baby then yabu, she wasn't harming anyone. She should think of a sling though, can sit down in normal seat then.

Adversecamber Sun 27-Jan-13 15:44:04

I do know a woman coming up to retirement age who has a couple of those dolls. I find them creepy, she does not take them out of her house.

I also know she was forced to give up her baby as she was in one of those bloody awful homes for unmarried Mothers in the 1960's. it's not even that long ago is it, makes me feel very sad and she is a lovely person.

ilovesprouts Sun 27-Jan-13 15:49:20

ewwwww them reborn dolls give me the creeps sad.

soontobeburns Sun 27-Jan-13 15:51:29

I must admit I have had a few times a longing for a reborn. I have only been TTC for 3 years but being told I will most likely never have children (cant afford IVF) its does make me very upset.

I admit I have teddies which I talk to and call my DD or DS (Only at home) but if I have a hospital appointment or am depressed I will stick them in my bag and just hold their ear or arm. This might seem strange but it is a great comfort for me.

D0oinMeCleanin Sun 27-Jan-13 15:53:50

I usually try to ignore/understand people unless they are deliberately and maliciously doing something which has an adverse effect on me or mine. I find life this way so much less stressful, than getting all knickers in a twist about a mentally ill/lonely/whatever lady comforting herself with a reborn doll.

greeneyed Sun 27-Jan-13 15:57:56

soontobe sad I do hope you get your miracle

IceNoSlice Sun 27-Jan-13 15:59:45

Sending you good thoughts soontobeburns. Keep on shagging m'dear, maybe you'll be lucky.

SoleSource Sun 27-Jan-13 16:03:55

Fantabulous luggage rack comment had me in stiches.

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 27-Jan-13 16:17:18

grin at Mrs DeVere "This sort of thing is just part of living in East London really."

garlicblocks Sun 27-Jan-13 16:26:51

MrsDV, has next door's "shed" been rented out to a reborn nursery??!

IdaClair Sun 27-Jan-13 16:31:08

To be fair the doll pays the same fare as a real baby so should have just as much right to a space.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 27-Jan-13 16:32:48

Can anyone put a link up for the documentary your talking about I can't find it and every time I google my fake baby it directs me to a link on you tube saying it no longer exists

soontobeburns Sun 27-Jan-13 16:41:27

Thanks ice and green I hope so too smile

PimpMyHippo Sun 27-Jan-13 16:55:10

I don't think there's anything wrong with being quietly annoyed - if you'd been visibly tutting/eye-rolling or making nasty comments then that would be VU and mean, but you can't help feeling a bit irritated when someone's inconveniencing other people and if you're keeping it to yourself then you're not upsetting anyone by feeling that way, so there's no need to feel bad. Live and let live and whatnot...

CruCru Sun 27-Jan-13 17:40:51

The thing about the documentary was that they edited it to make it look as though the grandmother had lost a child. When it turned out her daughter had moved abroad with her grandson, I rather lost some sympathy.

Agree re the luggage rack comment. Did anyone read the bit in Adrian Mole where he'd put one of those crying babies in a parcel back to the manufacturer and the post office lady went loopy when she heard the realistic crying from within?

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 27-Jan-13 17:55:32

I just found and watched it. And I thought Harry had died as well. How unpleasant that she basically told her gs she had a new Harry.

bringnbuy Sun 27-Jan-13 19:22:50

soon big hugs and wish you all the best. i really hope it happens for you xx

Housemum Sun 27-Jan-13 19:57:49

I thought the same about the grandmother - I understand how these dolls help with loss, but when the grandson was happy to talk on Skype I know that doesn't mean she can cuddle him but she was clinging to him as a baby and as he is still alive she seems to be craving the baby more than him IYSWIM

The woman spending a fortune was odd - and when she threw a strop because her baby wasn't perfect it made me feel v uncomfortable as if she couldn't cope without physical perfection, and perhaps as well she'd chosen (I think she was choice rather than circumstances?) not to have a real potentially "imperfect" baby.

I need to be v careful when the girls take their dolls out - saw the horrified look on someone's face when I picked up Baby Born by the foot! Perhaps subconsciously I'm making sure people know I know they aren't real!

Crawling Sun 27-Jan-13 19:59:15

I dont think she should be told to move it I feel quite sorry for hersad

riskit4abiskit Sun 27-Jan-13 20:25:40

I'm intrigued by the dog and cat in pram stories. No pet of mine would put up with such indignities! Wouldn't they overheat?Wouldnt cat claws rip the linings? What if the cat escaped the pram and you were miles from home, how would it get back? Would you have to buy it a ticket? You couldn't take it in a shop, unless it was a guide dog, and then it woildnt be able to do much guiding would it, if it was in the pram?

Am probably overthinking this.

SirBoobAlot Sun 27-Jan-13 20:30:45

Most annoying one was a woman with a small buggy on the bus... I looked into it as I parked my DS's next... Two fucking FERRETS were in there.

<silent scream>

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 20:34:57

I don't think we should assume that this woman is childless or mentally ill.
That could be the case but it is just as likely she is someone who wants the baby without the fuss.

Either way there is no need to be nasty or to say a word unless she was really causing trouble for someone by taking up a space.

I have to admit, the world of reborns is a weird and unknown entity for me.

I do know that sometimes reborns are made in the image of lost babies and I think if that brings comfort its is a beautiful thing. I think it highly, highly unlikely that a bereaved mother would use it as a substitute and carry it around like a real baby. Not unless the woman was having some sort of psychotic episode.

Chances are this woman was play acting because she likes to.

aquashiv Sun 27-Jan-13 20:35:03

Ferrets brilliant do you think they had car seats also?

MrsDeVere Sun 27-Jan-13 20:38:23

I have a dog in a buggy story.

I am a <cough> older mum (I have older DCs too but I have had two in my 40s)

I had dropped DC4 off at the nursery and was walking back with an empty buggy and my small dog.

A young mum stopped to admire the dog, looked at me and said 'awwww he even has his own buggy too'

It struck me that this flipping whippersnapper assumed I was a mad old dog lady who pushed a full sized sodding Silver Cross around for the comfort of her chihuahua!

I wouldn't have minded so much but I was pg with DC5 at the time so she obviously thought I was a fat mad old dog lady hmm

SirBoobAlot Sun 27-Jan-13 20:59:27

grin MrsDV

auldspinster Sun 27-Jan-13 21:01:14

A colleague told me about a lady who pushes her dogs around in a pram and fashions rain hats out of carrier bags for them. I did spot dogs in what looked like a pram, but on closer imspection it had paw prints and was a special doggy pram.

5madthings Sun 27-Jan-13 21:06:12

You can get special doggy prams there is an elderly lady I see on the school run who has one and one of the big issue sellers in town has ferrets he keeps on leads. Most so queer as folk!

Lol at mrsdevere being mistaken for a crazy dog lady! grin

Kiriwawa Sun 27-Jan-13 21:10:41

If there was only one empty seat on the bus and when you went to sit down, the person in the other seat told you their invisible friend was sitting there, would you sit there anyway?

What if they had an imaginary football team?

VinegarDrinker Sun 27-Jan-13 21:40:07

Hah MrsDV "This sort of thing is just part of living in East London really* - you are very right. Dogs in buggies are definitely normal around here.

riskit4abiskit Sun 27-Jan-13 22:23:07

Well dogs are one thing.....but ferrets?!

Dangerous IMO, if you leant over to look, they'd have your nose

Teeth like needles I tell you.

pixwix Sun 27-Jan-13 22:38:04

I once met the man who held the world record for having the most number of ferrets down his trousers.

LittleMissFantabulous Sun 27-Jan-13 23:52:34

There's a woman who lives near my old house who takes a classic silver cross coach built pram out everyday for a walk to the local post office. Thee is never anyone/thing in it. Creepy as hell:/

There's a couple who use the bus route I do who have two trollies. One for their shopping and one for their rat on a lead Yorkshire terrier. They've filled the trolley with a duvet and blankets to make a platform for the fog. They're odd.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 28-Jan-13 00:04:51

I once bumped into someone I used to be friends with, she was walking around marks and Spencer's with a dead dog in a carrier bag, clothes shopping ( her not the dead dog)

She didnt have a ferret

garlicblocks Mon 28-Jan-13 07:59:59

pixwix, you've got the best claim to fame I think!

Not so sure it's 'creepy' to walk an empty pram in the mornings, or a dog/doll in a buggy. They are people's coping mechanisms, surely? Lots of mumsnetters do things I find a bit weird - banning shoes in houses, for one! - but if it makes you feel better and doesn't hurt anyone ...

there Is a woman where I live who does this, two dolls in a real pram. she will stop anyone with children to compare their babies. she often tells me that they sleep all night and are so good, I smile and nod whilst resisting the urge to say that's because their plastic.she has a sad story and has never wanted anything more than children but it doesnt stop me from being unnerved

SirBoobAlot Mon 28-Jan-13 09:55:27

Don't think you can compare banning shoes in the house to pushing a dog around in a buggy...

ShephardsDelight Mon 28-Jan-13 09:59:45

Quietly miffed? I would have been vocally miffed!!!

carrying a sleeping toddler out a buggy and folding up is a lot bloody heavier with a real child!!!

RooneyMara Mon 28-Jan-13 10:28:13

MrsDevere that's hilarious!

We have various homeless and very mad people round here who use buggies to transport all their worldly goods.

One is a lady with too much make up on, she always makes me smile, I like her - but you can't have a conversation.

There used to be a strange and creepy bloke who wore sunglasses and pushed an M&P aria for years and years - I could never look at him, never use an aria after that. He was extremely frightening.

QuacksForDoughnuts Mon 28-Jan-13 10:58:09

Did anyone suggest seriously that the lady should stick the doll in the luggage rack? I read it more as holding the 'baby' and putting the folded buggy/pram in the rack. Which is a pain in the arse to do, but plenty of people with real live babies have to do it so doll lady would probably have it easier than someone whose child was wriggling and shrieking the whole time. She seems to be getting more sympathy than a lot of mothers with real babies who post about taking buggies on public transport!

Quacks I suggested she could put the doll in the luggage rack whilst she folded the pushchair. On all of the folding buggy threads the issue that keeps cropping up is 'where do I put the baby so that I can fold the pushchair?' so I just pointed out that this lady wouldn't have had the same problem. smile

LittleMissFantabulous Mon 28-Jan-13 13:14:00

I would have pointed out the luggage rack, as I said up thread. Quite how much of her paraphenalia she chose to put there would have been up to her.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Mon 28-Jan-13 13:18:58

did anyone watch the programme love me love my doll about men with real life dolls they dressed them up, put make up on them sat them down at the dinner table had sex with them and one bloke actually took his out in the car but would stick a label on it saying it was a doll. imagine one of those on a bus grin

mirry2 Mon 28-Jan-13 13:23:33

I think the op is being a bit hardhearted. Imo the woman must have a psychological need for a baby and deserves some compassion.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 28-Jan-13 16:33:12
perceptionreality Mon 28-Jan-13 16:38:28

I've seen that programme. I can't help thinking it's sad. One woman spent thousands on designer clothes for a doll and expensive travel system etc. I can understand why someone might do this if they really wanted a baby and couldn't have one but iirc, the reasons given by one person were that they didn't want a real baby because they make a mess hmm

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