to say its rubbish, that WOHMs dont have so much tidying to do...'leave a tidy house, come home to a tidy house'?(155 Posts)
I've read it on many a thread now....WOHM don't have so much to do, because kids are in childcare setting all day, get picked up, brought home-dinner, bath bed- no mess
I reckon mess-made can be plotted against time, and there is a maximum mess, where no more mess is possible, when everything is out of the cupboards and on the floor already and covered in crumbs and spilt juice. Here the graph plateaus
My kids can reach 'maximum mess' in approximately an hour. Mess saturation point
On the days I work, I definitely have as much/more to do than the days I am at home, and less time to do it in
DD makes a mess instantly too! And I prepare all her food for nursery, and she has breakfast and tea at home. Probably less work than if we were at home, though.
Yep. I work from home some days and can quickly tidy bits and bobs whilst I'm here. When I'm away from home I can't reach anything to put it away, so to speak.
1 hr can certainly equal maximum mess. Plus, I'm home by 5.30, ds goes to bed 8.30 - a LOT of mess can be made by 2 adults and even just 1 child in 3 hours. Plus dust settles even when people are out. Still same amount of cleaning to do, just fewer hours to so it in.
The only time I left a tidy house and came back to one was when I lived alone.
I've never come across any thread that says this, but as a full-time WOHM I totally agree that the mess is just as bad, if not worse than when I'm on hols with them. I need to do a toy cull, did a kind of one after Christmas but DS seems to have emptied all his toy boxes recently and there is useless stuff everywhere!
YANBU I've often wondered about people saying that. My house is never tidy when I leave for work on a morning, think dishwasher half emptied, discarded clothes that DD3 has taken off or changed her mind about, school stuff lying around that isn't needed that day, letters that haven't been dealt with, breakfast pots all over....
That's what I come home to
I work 37hrs a week, finishing at 1pm on a Friday. This gives me 2 precious hours to clean until leaving at 3pm for school pick up. Today I did 2 loads of washing, dusted everywhere, swept and mopped the floors (including the minging bit under the dining table as well as picking up a hundred things that belonged in other rooms.
After about ooooooh 3 hours, it looked like a bomb site. Dinner crumbs on the floor, more washing in the machine, about a hundred toy cars littered around the place and a spilt drink
I never quite get this either, when people say work is the easy option, particularly when said by SAHM whose dc are at school.. When I'm at work I still have all the jobs to do like shopping, cooking, cleaning as when I'm not at work. I just have to do them AFTER work instead of having all day to do them.
I realised I will get flamed for this but I genuinely don't get it.
I'm not sure, I work fulltime and the house work is easier to keep on top of than in the holidays when the boys are home all day.having said that, they can make a Lego chaos mountain within minutes of us getting home!
Haha...yes the mess created in the morning is unbelievable!
i have just gone back to work. Have 6 dc's and am a single mum( recently) and I am too knackered to keep on top of it all. I've a feeling it'll be weekend tidying in the BB household.
It was much easier when I was a sahm, not just time- wise either,energy-wise too.
Oh no. Really?
I'm going back to work soon - was looking forward to a tidy house.
My house is messier on my work days, because I don't do any housework then and I also do whatever is easiest to get everybody, fed/happy etc. Easy usually equals messy.
I do agree with this a bit. I work 30 hours so am out all day and I do think it's much tidier/cleaner on days we're all out than during the holidays when we're home. You can't make a mess when you're not there
My DC's can destroy the house in the house between getting up and leaving the house. Breakfast is thrown, but I rarely have time to pick it up properly. Hanger and pj's are flung in the living room. Toys are got out while I get ready, cbeebies alone doesn't contain them.
When we get in they play and make more mess. We still need to eat and wear clean clothes and that is crammed into the time after work.
My house is a mess these days, I've sort of given up (it's not SS levels or anything though!).
Sorry patchouli! Best you find out like this
Gawd Yy to lack of energy
nah, yabu, it is way tidier when we're all out
Ha ha ha ha.
Would work if they left the house and got back at the same time as me, perhaps. However they have an hour in the morning and a couple after school with their father adding to the mess.
Sorry can I please qualify this thread? I believe it might be said that families where BOTH parents work don't have as much tidying to do - I might have said it myself even, although I accept it might not be true. Being a WOHM does not mean your kids are in childcare any more than someone being a WOHD means that. Just saying. As you were.
Bollocks to that! The DDs can
create havoc play creatively for 20 mins while I dry my hair and apply war paint. Tis creative pretendy stuff and they are dressed and breakfasted. And Oh my days - the detritus after the school/work departure... Gloves, socks, scarves, water bottles, Barbie-shit..... I was an SAHM many moons ago. I think WOHM is a bit easier in that you are not surrounded by chaos all day
Yy change tis true, you don't have to look at it all day
And Yy sheep quite right to pull me up on covert sexism (i sometimes forget about dads, because my x is so useless, I forget they can have input/a role.....shhh)
I think it depends on a lot of factors such as how long are you out of the house, your children's temperament, time before you go out.
I am a SAHM now but worked 2 days a week a few years ago. On them days I got up mega early and made sure that the house was tidy before I went out so obviously that is what we came home to. I worked a long day so by the time I got home my dc's had been given their tea by my parents, DS was straight to bed and DD isn't the dumping her toys all over type so just sits and draws etc. On these days my house was tidy, much tidier than when I was at home all day with DS.
Now I don't work at all and DD and DS1 are at school, my house is tidy all day as DS2 is only a baby and doesn't make much mess......yet. However, at 3.45 pm, my DS1 can trash the place in an hour.
I leave DH in the house all day so I leave a tidy house, come home to a shit tip, which DS then adds too.
My dc are 5 and 7, I have been back at work (21 hrs a week) a year: since the youngest started school.
I have to say I do find there is less hoovering to do now we are all out of the house all day.
I make the dc have a quick tidy up of what they have been playing with before we leave in the mornings (otherwise they have to do it during their screen time later).
I also have an hour in the afternoon where I can tidy up a bit.
Small DCs make instant mess, older DCs are definitely worse in school holidays.
Mine were home due to snow and they baked and got their own lunch and have definitely made more mess than playing SIMs and doing HW in an evening.
Oh and they've covered the kitchen in wellies, dripping coats, gloves and waterproof trousers too!
I think it is easier to keep house tidy when you are all out. Dh and I work f/t, dd is at private nursery f/t. We leave a tidy home and come home to a tidy home. During the weekday dd rarely plays with her toys as she is tired in the evenings - watches cartoons at the most therefore no toys out.
I make the evening meal and lunch for the following day as well as wash a load of clothes every other day.
I find the mornings challenging
and a mad rush but we I insist everything is put back in place - toiletries, towels, nightwear, beds spread etc.
maximum mess can be created in an hour, and it is a mess before leaving in the morning, but you only have to deal with it once not multiple times.
for example i would get my oldest ready and in morning she would chuck clothes off, have breakfast things etc, so then i have to tidy that up
then younger two would have breakfast and get changed creating another maximum mess so i have to clear that up, then they will play, again mess to tidy up, lunch to cook, lunch to tidy up, hoover to be done, get ready to go to nursery which would be same sort of mess as in morning, then come back tidy up, then after two hours start school run at 3, be back by 4 from 2 mile walk with crying hungry cold 3 under fives, who come home take off all their stuff which makes a mess demand food so again cook, clean, washing up, hoover, etc, and then we have dinner, and again washing, cooking, hoover etc.
so compared to if i got them ready dropped them at childminders then came home and had to cook once and tidy up only breakfast things and morning mess is definitely less housework!
Ah bumble my kids are never so tired, that they don't play! (unless they are asleep of course)
summer is probably right, in that children's temprement is a determining factor
The thing with being at home is that you at least feel obliged to start the day tidying as you go: DC pulls out jigsaw plays for thirty seconds grabs happy land box, I feel obliged to put away jigsaw.
This is then repeated 500 times and towards end of day I start to give up, house looks a mess but I have put 20 toys away approximately 76,000 times.
It really depends on how you feel and what you're doing when you're off work.
In general for us, during the working week, our house definitely becomes messy, because those odd bits that end up lying around you just can't be bothered to tidy, esp if all you're gonna do is get up next morning & go to work so the mess doesn't really bother you. Everything gets blitzed at the weekend. Even if dd has a particularly active day on a weekend making a mess of the living room & her bedroom, there's still time to tidy it all up, or to do it as you go along, and you have the energy for it.
BUT if there's a weekend where either we're not very well or particularly tired/lazy - or we spend half the time out & about with not enough time (or energy) to tidy up the mess - then weekends are messier...
Sounds like us ThreeTomatoes! Our house is constantly on the verge of chaos.... And we've just got rid of the cleaner which was the only reason we tidied up once a week
My DC (2 and 4) used to have tea at home but now have cooked tea at our CM's house. Have a cleaner who comes at start ofworking week. House stays OK all week as it's straight upstairs for bath and bed when we get back. House gets messiest when they have friends round to play, which obviously doesn't happen on work days!
The washing/dishwasher/admin/helping DC with school stuff is a different story!
My working out of the home makes no difference whatsoever to the mess made by my DC.
I work night, so they are in bed when I am working. They get up, have their breakfast, go to school. I take them to school, go to bed.
In the holidays, I go to bed and leave them downstairs. Then the mess takes over to a degree that I cannot deal with.
Mm don't agree on this one sorry ... I find it much easier on the days when I work ...
The house is lovely and tidy to come home to and it literally is just bath reading and bed. Bliss.
I never understand that either. OK so we use the bathroom slightly less than someone at home, but don't believe it is enough to mean it needs cleaning less. Still prepare all the same meals as someone at home (breakfast, packed lunches and tea) so same amount of mess in the kitchen.
Children make plenty of mess with toys etc before school and when they get home. I accept that if you're at home all day you may do more general tidying up as you go along, but SAHM don't actually stay at home all day every day . Plus if they have smaller children they are quite likely to spend some time napping, therefore not making more mess.
When I'm at home with DS I just accept that during the day the house will be a mess and try to only tidy it up once in the evening, otherwise I would spend the day chasing my tail.
I work 4 days a week and the house is always a mess when we leave, with breakfast dishes lying around, pyjamas, bundles of things strewn around to find a critical piece of paper. I guess the difference is I don't need to look at it all day.
my house is much cleaner on my days off
on the mornings I work we need to be out of the house earlier, so the DC and i all leave a trail of destruction, which is still there waiting for me when we get back.
on non-working days, I usually get the odd 10 minutes between eg school run and toddler group, between group and lunch to do a bit of crisis management.
Yes charlotte mine too. If I'm not at work then there is not so much to do in the evening. When I'm working, by the evening the cleaning/rusting has become a huge insurmountable task
Going out to lunch and toddler groups is not the same as being out working all day. It does not tire you out where you are a zombie by 5oclock.
Working parents do all what SAHP's do with working added on top.
No doubt it will differ from family to family. I found there was less mess when activities such as playdoh and biscuit making started happening at the childminder's and playschool instead. And I could afford to be a little more lax about standards when I was no longer hosting NCT coffee mornings. And I have more energy now that I get my batteries recharged by my (admittedly interesting) job.
The house didn't suddenly get miraculously tidy- but it wasn't covered in paint and hama beads to quite the same extent.
"Working parents do all what SAHP's do with working added on top"
It depends - if your kids are using the house all day then you are always going to have more cleaning and tidying to do from the extra activity going on in the house. This can be either SAHP or WOHP situations. For example, I used to have a family member take care of my 2 DCs (At the time a baby and a preschool child) in my home hen I went to work and boy did they make a mess! So when that was happening it was almost the worst of both worlds. I felt the need to spend most of the day before work tidying and cleaning and then came back to a mess too. At the moment I am a SAHM (mostly) and there is lots more tidying to do in the day but at least I am around more to do it. If a family have both parents working and then coming home to look after DC while clearing up the morning and evening mess and trying to get some semblance of leisure time then I can totally see how offended they would be at the suggestion that they have it easier. However, the above quote also irks me a little because working parents do not have the act that they have spent all day clearing up, wiping up spills, sweeping the same floor and dealing with 2 rounds of the dishwasher, and so don't do all the things SAHPs do really do they? And some WOHPs where both parents work may well have a nanny clean up after their kids or occasionally a couple of hours of cleaner.
It takes about 20 minutes for my two teenage boys to trash the place. It happens most mornings...
While I'm getting ready for work, they... have one or more showers and leave towels, boxers and water on the bathroom floor; dump clothes in the middle of the sitting room floor and over all chairs and sofa; set up the ironing board and leave it in the middle of the doorway; spill cereal and milk, and leave crumbs and spreads from packed-lunch making, all over the kitchen work tops; sometimes also fry bacon and/or eggs and leave pans; leave plates, bowls, cutlery everywhere; and bring the dog back from a walk and trek mud across floors...
Then I come downstairs, and don't have time to deal with more than a tiny fraction of it before I have to leave the house, so I come back to this every day... My housework standards are low but it does still get a bit demoralising. And it's harder to tackle because as they get older, we spend less and less time together, so it's possible for almost all of the little time we are together in the same room to be spent nagging...
Just wait until you have teenagers who get home two hours before you. Then come back and tell me that being a wohm means coming home to a tidy house
And as for "leave a tidy house, come home to a tidy house"... One or both of them are almost always home before me, so they add to the morning's chaos before I get back!
I don't leave a tidy house, I'd never get to school or work on time. I think I'm a stepford wife if I manage to clear the cereal bowls off the table!
My house was tidier when the dc's had daytime naps, I'd have a couple of hours on sat / sun to potter and get organised.
Ah yes, NAPS! > looks wistful < I remember those, and the control they gave you over mess!
Teenagers also have a habit of getting up and creating chaos in the middle of the night... Just imagine the fall-out from bacon sandwiches, beans on toast and cereal at midnight
"And I didn't wash up mum cos I didn't want to wake you"
I enjoyed DS going to nursery so that I didn't feel obliged to get out the 'messy stuff' too often. However, I don't think it takes that long to clear it up it's more the mental effort with me!
When DS was very small MIL (we did pay her) used to come round to our house to look after him (max 3 hrs at a time - I was very part-time) and I would come home to loads of toys being out, things not cleared up (fine but I would have done it if I were there looking after him). So that didn't really work out for me in that respect and I also had to fit in more work at home whilst he napped/in the evening.
I work the whole time DS is at school now (I am also a teacher but part-time so I don't have to work in the evening very often) but DH often works from home so I get in to a load of washing up and often a load of packaging all over the dining room table. He will do it later (if I leave it) but I definitely don't come home to a house as clean and tidy as I left it!
I don't mind any of this - I think I have the balance about right and I love my job - but it does make me smile when, on the rare occasion I have a day off and DS is at school, that a couple of my SAHM friends (also with all children at school) make a big deal of me having a 'day off' and ask me what I will be doing (they clearly think I have a self-cleaning house - MIL thinks this as well!). One even said last time she wishes she could have a day off.... We did have to pick her up on that one and have a little chuckle!
Oh yes - Flow4 - the cereal and milk all over the work-tops when you get up in the morning. Have you come down to find enough trainers/docs etc. for at least 7 strapping lads in your hall only to wonder how you didn't hear them trail through your house on their way in?
I think it depends, I work three days and am at home with a 2 year old two days, 5 year old at school. I am crazy organised and on work days leave the house with laundry on, dishwasher on and tidy. I also bulk cook at weekends. Days at work mean I get home to a clean house, with just laundry to hang out and a dishwasher to unload with a supper in the freezer.
Days I am at home; a groundhog day of tidying up after play and loading and unloading a dishwasher, waaay harder. I also find work less exhausting than being at home, and I work in a frontline homelessness service!
Ha! Well I would married, but I currently have a three-visiting-lads maximum limit in place! (And we still get through one loaf of bread, 4 pints of milk, one box of cereal, 4-8 packets of noodles and as many crisps as we have in the house per day as well as meals! )
Mess and laundry multiplies like bacteria under a microscope. It doesn't matter if you're there or not, it does it all on its own. Scientific fact, that.
My house has never been filthier than when I worked, even part time. I tried to get as much as possible done on my days off but it still seemed to maintain a constant level of cluttered and untidy.
Were all out by 7.30am on a morning then back after school run then place is trashed by 6 then its tidy up time.
When your at home all day its easy to keep on top of it imo.
YABU. On the days I work my house is presentable. When we are at home it is a pigsty. I'm constantly walking around with the wet wipes and dustpan. Whilst I am clearing up the spilt drink my toddler is emptying the DVD cupboard. It is much easier to keep a home clean and tidy when there is nobody at home.
YABU to assume that WOHM's are responsible for doing the housework at all, unless they are single WOHMs.
What about the WOHF's who leave their tidy or untidy house?
But otherwise, yanbu. My kids can trash a place in 10 minutes and they're not even toddlers anymore. One of them's a teenager.
Its fine once they are about 4 and your not at work as they clean up for you.Dd is cleaning all the floor now and im on this .
Whereas on a work day they are too tired and there isnt enough time to make them do a massive job,as you are doing too much at work and when you come home you have to cram 10 hours cleaning into3.
Cramming 10 hours cleaning into 3! Blimey I don't that much cleaning in a year!
I mean you have ten hours to do it not that I do that much thats why days off are good.I do about ten mins then a well deserved hr and half off on repeat!
its not the same but whe my kids tried school last year for a term i found the house was much messier,even though now they are at home a lot more i seem to have more energy and time to do stuff.Before we were all rushing out the house at 8.20 and the i had to get the middle 2 fromnursery at 12 the ds1 at 3.10,it didnt leave much time for anything really.
There is less to clean / tidy when you are a WOHM. No lunch dishes, no morning craft etc etc.
But there is also much less time to do the stuff that needs to be done. Proportionally, probably more time is spent doing housework by WOHM/Ds out of the amount of time available.
But SAHM don't have 10 hours a day just to swan around cleaning a spotless house, we have 10 hours to stop a toddler drawing on the walls, sweeping up crumbs from the biscuit they have snuck away from the table, making and clearing up their lunch, making the beds for the 5 th time that day as 2 year olds favourite thing is to pull all the covers off and dump on the floor, change nappies on a wriggling toddler which often means a change of clothes, do play dough but have to hover so he doesn't run of with some and squash it into the carpet, tidy up said play dough, tidy up the box of trains he's tipped over the playroom floor before decidin to play with something else, pick up the jigsaw all over the floor, wipe up spilt juice, builds/rebuild something they keep demolishing but then want made right again, cuddles (noir ally when you are right in the middle of something) , pick up kids from school and deal with tired stroppy jildren asking for a anack every 5 min whilst i am cooking, kids fighting with toddler whos been used to playing with what wer he wants all day and not sharing, dealin with squanbles over whats on tv etc and so on, these are all things that wouldn't need doing if I was at work as someone else would be doing it at someplace else - nursery or childminder etc,
If I worked we would have breakfast, get ready and leave the house, it might be a bit messy, plates on table but it wouldn't get any messier, would then come home, kids would have been fed etc at childcare so it would be bath, tv and maybe a few toys and then bed. I would still have to do hoovering but it wouldn't be as dirty, wouldn't have put the same toy away 5 times that day, wouldn't have been as many spilt drinks etc.
Everyone finds different things hard but I personally think when Im off its easy as I dont feel tired so you dont mind bimbling around cleaning it at your own pace,whereas after work Im usually tired so it gets trashed.
Also dont make things harder for yourself a 2 year old is perfectly capable of cleaning their own toys.
Tidying up (at least dd's stuff anyway) used to be so much easier when dd was a toddler. We had 'tidy up time' before tea every day- just chuck all the toys in the box and you're done. Mind you, I was also a SAHM when she was a toddler so that could also be something to do with my memory of that! Now she's 9 there's papers, pens, bits of recycling she's building things with, smaller bits of toys like lego etc etc. Her room is a nightmare.
o so this is going to go into. "the working parents do everything a sahp does and works on top" debate. Not sure how a person can work and look after their dc at the same time. disclaimer I do wohm but on maternity leave at mo from part time work. Plus if you wohm I would hope houework is shared with dp. All mine seems to do is makr a mess!
Who said SAHMs had 10 hours a day to do the cleaning?
I have been a SAHMS and a WOHM. Both are hard in their own way, but I had more 'spare' time as a SAHM, and that's when my kids were small. I certainly had more time to keep the house in order. I'm not complaining - I chose to work. I know both choices can be tough.
But there is definitely more time for cleaning as a SAHM. Or at least I had more time for cleaning. And more mess, but when the kids went to bed I could relax till I went to bed. Now dinner is finished at about the same time the kids used to go to bed, then i still need to do dishes, laundry, clear up the kitchen etc.
But I can only comment on my experience.
"the working parents do everything a sahp does and works on top" lol
Ive got all trofast ikea storage.One box out at time and fully tidied before next out.If you tip all lego out you must tidy it all up yourself with no adult help even if it takes you hours.By doing that dd no longer tips it all out. If making things items are not in box before bed they go out to the recycling.I cant deal with toys out at night.
I think this thread just reinforces my view that I was a crap SAHM.
Surely no one actually believes a WOHM does the same as a SAHM as well as working?
Not every mum (WOHM or SAHM) has a do to share the housework with.
Who do you think does a WOHMs cleaning, laundry, ironing, washing up, cooking, shopping etc?
Or do you think WOHMs houses are shit tips?
catgirl of course wohm do all that but they can' t perform chlid care whilst at work.
I do both its not that hard.Was a couple of years back but now Im used to it.Also I have routines and proper storage now so takes a lot of the pressure off.
Well, no but if someone said they could, I missed that
Both? Look after your kids while out at work? Most places don't allow that.
Unless you are a WAHM, which isn't really what this thread was originally about.
Yeah my kids come to work with me and have done for the last 4 years.
Gosh, you must havd a very understanding employer.
I think you win the prize for hardest working, looking after the kids while working!
kids go with to work with you?? That must be fun for them
Anyhoo YANBU although I am surprised at how much extra mess there is on weekends etc but yes the house still gets messy even with me and dd out of the house for 9 hours a day!!!
"Going out to lunch and toddler groups is not the same as being out working all day. It does not tire you out where you are a zombie by 5oclock.
Working parents do all what SAHP's do with working added on top.
A quote earlier on this thread. Sorry pressed send too soon.Is that really what people think life as a sahm with young children is?
Its not really hard now.It has been about 2 years ago as dc1 used to tantrum and kick the gate in and scream and I mean loud.Used to be dead embarassing and people would say oh is that your dc? Cringe.It used to be harder during that stage, and I used to think I would go mental.Its easy now as after that dc1 got over tantrums and now I have my other dc there and its fine.
I am much more organised now and have routines and so I can do school runs in between and all the chores after work/school run.
Are you my DH!
Have teen DD 17 and DS 16
My hall looks like a particularly dirty converse warehouse
And the laundry?
Someone at work mentioned a " half load" recently. My machine will never have that easement....
Hohoho <hollow laugh>
Yadnbu op. Wohm have exactly the same amount of housework and less time to do it in. Anyone who says different are to be ignored
My house is NEVER tidy. DH and I both work, DS1 works part-time/college full-time, and DD1 and DS2 are at senior school.
There is ALWAYS piles and piles of washing to do. I've given up on ironing unless absolutely necessary. We have major clearouts from time to time, but the "stuff" that we have around us never seems to get any less. DH IS a good cleaner, I am rubbish.He has major moans about the amount of stuff that is where it shouldn't be,regularly.
I do the majority of the shopping, cooking , and ferrying kids around places (as only I drive). We are all just naturally untidy people, and try as we might (and we really do try!) , not to collect clutter, it just is there.
We are both exhausted after a day's work, and spending hours doing housework on top of what we do (DH at Tesco,me a TA in a primary school where I already spend much of the day tidying up after other people) just doesn't hold much appeal.
leave a messy house, come back to a messy house.
the child is a maelstrom of chaos.
one second after being removed from carriage, the house is a tip!
then she moves upstairs.
and she's here at work with me too, so it's even worse! she's got her own play area, but once that full of crap, she escapes and pulls stock off the shelves.
"Going out to lunch and toddler groups is not the same as being out working all day. It does not tire you out where you are a zombie by 5oclock.
Working parents do all what SAHP's do with working added on top."
how can WOHP do the same as SAHP if there are under fives in the house? seriously, WOHP do not do look after their kids and deal with their mess and activities for the time that they are at work, which in general tends to be the majority of the waking hours of the child, so how can they be doing the same and working on top?
Yadnbu op. Wohm have exactly the same amount of housework and less time to do it in. Anyone who says different are to be ignored"
Do you tidy up lunch things? and hoover after lunch? do you organise creative activities and then clean up after painting/sticking/sand and water play/cooking? do you take kids to park and then have to change your clothes and clean your shoes etc because of mud/rain/snow, and then hoover your house again as while playing the sand pit sand manages to somehow hide itself everywhere in dcs nappies etc? Do you have to walk miles a day for different school/nursery drop offs/pick ups/toddler groups?
If you do all these things then yes it is exactly the same amount of work, if not then in cannot be.
Most mums I know do most ofvthat and work part time so only abput 20/30hours and then do all those things round it.eg working 8-2 or whatever.Same as going out to a group but just you are working.
ime it is not the mess but the dirt and dust and spills. Of courset it depends on the ages of the children, but the difference in the amount of housework that needs doing now I have a child at home (and one at school) compared to one in childcare all day is large. I'd say hoovering needs to be done probably four times more frequently, I wouldn't like to think about how infrequently I mopped floors, whereas now it is once a week, and the bathrooms need doing more often as well (although this is also a consequence of children out of nappies and independently toileting).
I will admit to having become more houseproud, since I'm now in the house to notice, but I do think housework has increased. I agree about the mess, though. Children can create a bombsite in nanoseconds.
When I work till 630 its fine as there is not so much time for mess as its usually bath, stories and bed but on the days we are home between 330 and 5 it really seems to make no difference at all - plenty of time to make plenty of mess!
Yes, pretty much the same level. Im not getting into a sahm v Wohm argument either as both are just as hard in their own way. But sadly the kids don't stop wearing clothes that will need washing, eating, shitting, making a mess and need taking places just because I work
WOHPs do NOT do everything a SAHM does.
If your children are in childcare all day then they are being fed, cleared up after, changed, entertained by someone else. All of which a SAHP does for themselves.
And I definitely find that there is less to do at home the days we are all out of the house for most of it.
Some do manage both,but even then if you have routines it shouldnt be too hard.organisation is the key,I have found because I used to think it was hard to do to.
Of course WOHMs have less childcare to do than SAHMs
But they have the same amount of housework to do
Which is what the thread is about
Oh yea, I just on my arse all day at work relaxing ;) . It's the same level of 'busyness' just somewhere else
with big kids that also need arses wiping
meadow yes I finish work to pick the kids up, from 2 different settings, on my bike. And do cooking/go to the park etc before/after going home for tea....
catgirl strictly speaking it is about tidying - which there is definitely more of to do if you are at home all day, or in and out of the house multiple times to toddler group, school run and so on rather than just leaving in the morning and coming back at 6pm.
Oh you beat me to it, catgirl - just what I was going to say.
Also, lots of people are forgetting that their kids won't stay little forever... Once they are old enough to be Home Alone, that's when the mess can really get out of hand.
Imagine the chaos your toddlers would create if you weren't there to stop them? Yup. That! Plus around 12 times as much food-mess!
Khali - Do your children cycle to? I would like to do that.
Alibaba - Most working mums are in and out multiple times eg work,school runs, taking kids to clubs etc.Most mums dont do full time that I know off they do part time, and then do 100% of other work round it.
meadow yes, the older one cycles, the little one is in a bike seat. It's a great way to start the day, we all love it
DH works full time. I work fulk time but do my hours over four days. We have a 13 month old, 16 and 18 year old. The oldest are not always at college/work.
The house is most definitly messier whenDH and I are at work. We simply do not have the time to tidy when we work.
On the weekday that I dont work, the house is cleaner. Life was so much simple when I was at home ! Now its just a rush and juggling act.
Hahaha not seen a thread about this but a friend of mibe who is very very busy all thr time apparently, tells me this. Her kids are out at school all day, i work almost full time albeit flexibly.
I have said to her "you know all that stuff you are busy with, i do have to do that too." but she thinks as i am at work my house must be tider - despite the fact hers are at school all day.
We havent talked about this for a couple of uears as it becomes a "but i'm busier than you" which is silly and pointless ...
But surely i must be busier - or she takes longer to do stuff
That's a good point juggling.....you do tend to subconsciously adjust your speed depending on how much time you have/what needs doing
I think it depends on the person/ people tidying and many other factors. Not something that can be generalised about really.
Some people tidy as they go, others blitz. Some people do it on their own, others share it all with dp or family members.
Some people are tidy, others are untidy.
I think that if someone has toddlers or children at school os key for this really. Tje bits that are the same are that we all need to eat and therefore shop, cook, load dishwasher if a sahm or wohm.
We all wear clothes which need washing, possibly ironing, and putting away
Bedsheets need chamging, toilets cleaning, floors mopping - if a sahm or not
Homework needs doing, craft things still made
And we all seem to make more mess when rushing to get out then rushing to make tea when we get in
Don't say all this. It's one of the myths I cling to, that having all of us out of the house more of the time (after I finally get a proper job) will mean less mess made at home. It's one of the big things I'm looking forward to!
When I did work 3 days/week, the house was noticeably easier to keep tidy. And easier to be motivated to keep it tidy, too. But DC were fewer & smaller back then, too.
My 3 teens are horrific in the mess department.
I Work all day, come home & find crap everywhere. I then tidy up, make dinner, & then go back out to work 4 evenings a week. Come home at 11.30 ish to find crap everywhere again! Makes me want to cry
I can only compare it to before I had dc when I worked ft.
House was a lot cleaner, and a lot tidier!
I am a sahm now and seem to spend
every day a lot of time cleaning and tidying to some degree!
If your child is in full time childcare and you work ft then as the poster above said, it can't be that bad, surely?
Out at 7am? Back at 6pm? Then bath and bed?
Weekends can cause havoc, of course, but i would think the house of a ft worker with a child in full time childcare is a lot tidier than mine!
The trouble is the lack of time/energy to do anything if you leave house at 7.30am, back on at 6pm, feed everyone etc.; this all still makes a mess and there's washing accumulating, the bathroom still gets used etc.
At weekends, however, there is plenty of time to clean and tidy even with small children around. Our house is much tidier at weekends and there is homemade bread, more leisurely meals. And whilst DCs still little a lovely gap in the middle of the day to get stuff done, or in my case nap too.
It is easier coming home when everyone has been out all day. Its clean and lovely. Children watch a little TV , do any homework have their tea and it is time for bed.
When we do stay in at weekends or whenever there is loads more to do cleaning wise because the house is being used all day so there is going to be.
My house is tidier at the weekend. Somehow we all make a right mess when leaving for school/work in the morning. I don't know how we do it, it's actually quite impressive!!
I come home in the evening, a family to feed. One to bed at 0730, the other two when they wish. Dog. Cat. Bathrooms, vaccuming, lunches, dinner, pots, homework, polishing, bags, ironing. My 13 month old gets all the toys out from 1700-1900. Shopping, bills, dog walking, mopping. All still there when I get home. Plus I work in the eveninngs to get Fridays off.
My house is untidy when I leave, and mysteriously still untidy when I return from work with the children (no cleaning fairy here). This is usually about 6.30-8pm, and once the kitchen has been cleared up after dinner, that's the lot.
I have got over having a clean and tidy house, and realised I don't want to spend my time prioritising this, I work in the evenings, stack the dishwasher and ignore the chaos. I don't have unlimited energy and and on weekends I am quite lazy and recovering for the week ahead.
The house is tidiest when I am at home and on holiday, as I have the energy to do more than just keep the surface mess from completely engulfing us. I would love to be a clean and tidy person and household, but I don't think it will be in this lifetime.
When my DC are teenagers they are NOT going to be regularly home alone between end of school and me or DH getting back from work. DB and I were home alone in our teens - I know what goes on!
DM and DF were unaware, maybe distracted by the mess (would drive poor mum to tears weekly), but mess should've been the least of their worries
If working FT when DC are teens will be getting an au pair or something!
On my day off (although I have worked a full week by then) all I have to do extra is lunch, nappies, flick the vaccum around, tidy toys and make sure teen is up to date with home work. Any 'play time' I have with the children is not what I consider work.
My work days are harder and dont compare to the ease of being at home (ususl caveates applied)
The teens are good. They have rules and do their best to obey. But are messy.
Our house is usually very tidy but it is absolutely spotless when I am at home during the holidays. I find we make more mess because we tend to be rushing about . If we had more time it would all be put away properly.
I'm so pleased to read someone saying they need the weekend to recover - that's me too. We could do SO much housework at the weekend - but we need time to chill/recover. TBH when I was a SAHM for a couple of years my gaff was much tidier.
Look <stern face, hands on hips> SAHM or WOHM most of us work our arses off. Stop trading insults! Keep calm and drink wine and/or eat chocolate. And please stop picking up after teenagers (of either gender) #peacenluvchange
"Working parents do all what SAHP's do with working added on top."
No they do not. I am a WOHM and I know who has the harder time out of me and DH, and it is not me. I do the food shopping, do the bedtime routines, cook dinner etc. but I most certainly have an easier time than I would if I was a SAHM. SAHP's I salute you!
Having said that, we have a demanding 2 year old. If both DCs were at school I might feel differently.
The house is definitely cleaner on days when I work compared to days when I don't. Also, on days when I don't work, I tend to do the same few jobs (picking up, washing, washing up etc) over and over again, whereas when I'm working it's just a tidy-up before work and another before bed. Nothing like the 'get something out, play with it, put it away, get another thing out and so on' malarky that you get when you're at home all day.
I think what we found is different people have different experiences.
So op is BU
My DCs get up just before 7, and Ds and I leave the house for work at 7.30. At 6.30 am the house is tidy. The night before everything has been sorted, and I am up at 6 doing last few things.
Between 7-7.30am, dd and Ds manage to trash ds's room. Its all I can do to kick things into the corner of the room and race to work.
Between 7.30-8, dd trashes her room, takes dolls, books etc downstairs to play with whilst dh gets ready. Dh then chucks all breakfast stuff vaguely in the direction of the sink, and they leave for school.
When I get home later, it takes ages to get things back in some kind of order.
When I am not working, dcs bedrooms may be messy, but they reach a point where they can't get any messier <shrugs>. However, kitchen, bathroom, living room are normally tidy again within 20 mins of breakfast.
We The children obviously make more mess when we are all home at the weekend but I have time to clear up after them. Weekday mornings in our home usually culminate in me and the children dashing out of the house at 8am (DH already at work) leaving a trail of unwashed breakfast dishes in the kitchen, soggy towels trailing on the bathroon floor and inside-out pyjamas scattered around the living room, unmade beds, and a trail of toys down the stairs and along the hallway. Although DH gets home before me to do school runs, activities, homework and tea, most of the morning detritus is still there when I get home at 8pm.
Sure, but you're just cleaning all that up once, aren't you? I mean, if you were at home, you'd be doing that and then all the washing-up after meals/snacks etc throughout the day, plus all the tidying-up of things that get used in an 8-hour period. It really is much more, ime.
I think what we're discovering is that it doesn't matter how much you are at home; it matters how much your kids are at home...
And anything more that about 15 minutes per day is unmanageable!
Wallison was that to me? If so, how many times do you really have to make beds and put away pyjamas and breakfast stuff in any day? Surely only once?
We may be out all day, but we still prepare (packed) lunches which creates washing up and still have to wah up lunch boxes when we get home. And we still prepare and eat dinner and supper. Same amount of washing up, just needing to be done at a different time.
I don't really want to get into a "busier-than-thou" argument because I don't see a virtue in being busy and don't really have an axe to grind (unlike it would seem some on this thread who are desperate to assure us that it's all so hard for them compared to everyone else), but it stands to reason that if a house is occupied you generate more mess than a house that is empty. If you're at home, you still have to sort the pyjamas and breakfast stuff. Also, unlike if you're not at home, you also have to sort the craft/dressing-up/baking/lego/board games/train track/snacks/drinks etc stuff, multiple times a day, usually.
Well this got heated.
When I first was working, dd was at school and ds at nursery. DH worked longer hours and did no pick ups or drop offs, so kids would sometimes eat breakfast in childcare (though i still got the boxes back to wash up). It was tidier then as once home they would get changed and chill in front of the TV while dinner was cooked, eat then sleep. Having been playing all day (EYFS) and tired this suited them. The house stayed tidier.
They are now bigger and both go to school and being on the same site and dh changing hours means on of us drops them to school daily. Leaving with dh to drop off seems to increase the mess, not because he does less, in fact he is tidier than me but he prioritises differently and wont have done the little things that grate on me.The mess they make with cereal is unbelievable, always dried cheerios or worse weetabix on the placemats. They no longer go straight to bed but want to play and their toys are the irritating kind, lego models,beads etc. They have masses of stuff, bookbags, football kits, swimming kits etc. It is no longer tidy.
At the weekends it is tidy, as there is more time and so they have to tidy up their own stuff. If I was a SAHM I would enforce this rule every day but I have to allow mess to stand so they have time to eat/do homework etc.
IME it ultimately results in less work if you are able to clear away immediately after every meal or after each activity your children have done. If you are in the position of having to clear everything in one huge session at the end of the day then the total amount of work is greater. Dried-on food is more difficult to remove than fresh scraps. It is more time-consuming to separate out and tidy up 8 different lots of toys and crafts than to do each as soon as it is finished with. Of course, I am looking at this through the eyes of someone whose children are at home for a full 5 hours before I am and whose DH, hardworking and helpful though he is, does not understand the concept of tidying up! Other people may have different situations and therefore different experiences.
I think if you are getting to the stage of wanting to win an argument by citing the difference between the woman-hours taken cleaning dried-on food vs fresh food, you're probably getting a bit desperate. So, because it's obviously very important to you that your life is so much more difficult than anybody else's (as evidenced by your user-name) then you are absolutely right.
House stays waaaay tidier when we're out all day. I don't see how rushing to get out for work is any different to rushing to do school run (we leave home at 8am) and its so easy to keep the house tidy in that short space of time as long as you clear up as you go. Get up and ready, then wake kids, straight down to breakfast, send kids up to start to get dressed (uniform laid out) while clearing table and wiping round, help kids to finish off, brush teeth and wash, send them to get shoes on while fold pj's and make beds (quickly), out the door and no mess! It's only on days we're in that they manage to mess up every room.
I leave for work at 6:45 if I could wander down the road two hours later there would be no rushing !
Do you drop your kids off at 6.45am Arisbottle or does someone else get them ready? Only that if its someone else they could also move the breakfast dishes, wipe round etc.
No, my husband leaves for work just after 8am and as do the older children. I then have someone who comes in to give our youngest breakfast and take him to school. She often does fill the dishwasher for me which is a godsend.
1) It partly depends on the children. Currently on maternity leave and when at home with just DS (4months) and DD2 (3 years) the house is generally cleaner by 3pm than 9am. DD2 is the kind of child who will play with e.g. the trainset all morning. Then DD1 comes home and it's a bomb site within minutes, she likes to play mplicated games involving dens and toys dressed in jewellery and setting out picnics etc etc.
2) Don't think being out of the house at work reduces the work that much, just the amount of time you have to do everything in. I currently have the luxury of doing the weekly shop during the day, when I go back to work it will be back to trailing round the supermarket at 9pm after the kids are in bed and dinner is cleared away.
3) Maternity leave is giving me the chance to catch up on the big housework jobs. Yesterday I cleaned and tidied the bathroom cabinets, hey I even cleaned the squirty bath toys. No way would i have time to do that while at work.
4) Of course, if you are a SAHM then life slows down so you probably feel as busy. You have more time to cook (I'm making more complicated meals during the week now because I have plenty of time) and bake and shop. You have time to walk the kids to school and back (currently spending 2h a day doing that, when I go back to work that will change to a 5 min car trip much later in the day). The SAHM I know have time to sew or knit or do whatever crafty thing they want, when I'm working my sewing is reduced to essential buttons being replaced.
I think it is much easier to run a home when you don't work because as the previous poster said you have more time. I work in excess of 80 hours a week, running a home, even with a DH who pulls his weight and a little help is very tough. I get about five hours sleep a night. As a SAHM and during the school holidays I get much more than that.
That is not a criticism of SAHM , I would like to be one rather than criticize them. They seem to have got much more right than me.
I was only thinking about this today. I have def seen it said on a few threads. I will put it to the test next week as returning to full time work after mat leave. I think the fact that you can't see the mess really helps. I just worry that I will manage to get my 2 dcs out the door in time . Once I'm in work all should be fine.
It seems to me that everyone is horrified I'm returning full time.
I've lost count of people saying you're not going back full time though ?
Sorry for mini rant.
I find your last comment completely bizarre. At no point have I suggested that my life is any busier than yours or anyone else's. I simply stated what I do and what I found to be the case in my experience. My username, if you care to double check, says that I am permanently exhausted. It does not say I am permanently more busy than anyone else.
Despite what you say, you clearly are determined to turn this into a 'busier-than-thou' contest. Unfortunately for you, I'm just not interested.
For work I and the kids leave the house at 740am. If its a non work day we don't leave for school run until 830am. Also if you aren't heading from school run to work, the mornings aren't half consumed by work related preperations. I don't get groomed and polished before leaving in the morning I'd u aren't going to work. If I am going to work, there is no time in the morning for bed making/ pyjama folding/pit washing etc
lepreporn it takes a while to settle into a workable routine/ adjustments etc. Good luck!
As a SAHM I do like to be polished and groomed for the school run, as otherwise id be permanently in track suit bottoms and t.shirts, so for my own self esteem I like to make an effort weekdays. Maybe it depends what line of work you are in as even when I worked FT I'd do everything the night before rather than on the morning, and would always quickly make beds on the way out.
I do agree its easier to run a home-I can put a roast chicken in for a couple of hours in the afternoon so its ready for dinner, not possible if you're out at work, or I can go and visit elderly relatives or meet friends in the day rather than cramming it into an evening. I just don't agree that the house gets as untidy in a couple of hours as it does in the whole day. I also miss popping out in my lunch hour to do a bit of child free shopping, or stopping for bread and milk without having to drag the dc's in with me. Pros and cons to both.
Don't understand why everybody is so hung up on whose job is harder. If you are a SAHM, you have the housework plus the childcare during the day and during the night. SAHM's work usually from when they get up till they go to bed.
If you are a WOHM then you have the housework plus the childcare during the night and work. WOHM's work usually from when they get up till they go to bed.
Can't see what anyones problem is really.
In response to backtobedlam- in the mornings I go to work, I have to be ready bag packed and dressed to leave either before or at the same time as kids.
If I am just leaving for school run which I do one day a week and its getting hectic or we are running late I just put a tracksuit or something over my pjamas . It removes all the pressure, I can come back home and have a shower/wash up cereal bowls/put the milk away if i need to.
My kids are both school age though, it would be different if i had a toddler.
Well, all I know is that the housework hasnt magically started doing itself since I started working ft, the only difference to me is I have 3 less plates to clean at lunch because the dc get dinner elsewhere.
Hoovering, tidying breakfast things, washing, ironing, putting clothes away, messy play, tidying bedrooms etc just gets done in one concentrated blitz rather than on/off throughout the day.
I'm out the house at 8.15 and back at 5 and the kids seem to save up their energy and mess for when I'm home, as at weekend and when I was a sahm the house doesn't need anything doing except a bit of friffing here and there. almost like they bloody know the little sh.......ugarmuffins
Leprepon- I was in your position a couole of months ago and having 2 get two ready and out in morning.I was worried about it, but I think when your working and not at home you just start doing everything faster and more efficiently as you knw you have less time.
The kids get used to it quicker than you think as well.
backtobedlam- I work full time and there is no way I can pop out in my lunchtime, or even on my way home, I have to work through to ensure I can leave early to do pick up and have time to do tea, chat, homework, reading, bath bed!!
I have to say, that during term time when I work almost full time (4.5 days) I never feel quite on top of 'home' stuff. The house is more of a tip, I remember important things like cheque-writing by the skin of my teeth, and cooking and menu-planning feels like much more of a drag (i otherwise enjoy it). I am hoping to change my work pattern in a few months and only go in a couple of half days and work a few evenings and the odd weekend day from home instead, and I can't bloody wait. It'll free up 2 hours a day (that would otherwise have been spent commuting) and will give me that fresh daytime period for study and house-related stuff. Plus more social time, both for me & dd (after school). It'll be amazing. Best of both worlds.
I find when I'm at home during school holidays (so DC available for mess making) the house is much tidier. TBH I think this is just in the fact that I am around so much more. In an average working day, I'm just not at home for long enough to do more than stay on top of the washing up/clothes washing and cleaning anything really awful. Whereas when I'm at home I (e.g.) spend the odd 5 minutes doing something and more things get done almost without me realising it. It's stuff like, I'll wipe down the cupboard doors or put the dishes from the dishwasher away while i'm waiting for the kettle to boil.
And if you can do stuff as you go along it's much easier than trying to do it all at once.
working parents still have to clean as much though, do meal planning, tidying up, organising other household needs. Maybe there isn't as much mess than would be if you and dc were home all day, but surely this is the same for sahp's. If we all go out to work, college, groups, shopping etc all day our house is tidier and I'm sahm. When dc are on school holiday if they are at home they make the same mess whether parents work or not. I also agree that small dc will make the same mess if they have a few hours or all day. The toy box is emptied and scattered in seconds,
Mine are older now though so have best of both worlds sahm and they clean up and manage stuff for themselves mostly.
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