To be bewildered by folk who claim that motherhood has made it impossible to go to the loo alone? Why?

(303 Posts)
Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 19:32:07

What ridiculous nonsense is this?
Just
go
to the loo
alone

oneforthemoney Fri 25-Jan-13 19:34:15

I have to say i've always wondered about this too.

Ditto 'finishing a cup of tea'. I sah with 2 dc under 5 and drink gallons of tea.

What if the choice is:

TV on
Toddler in loo
Toddler screaming and banging on the door?

YANBU, I don't understand it either. confused

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne Fri 25-Jan-13 19:34:56

Well it's not a big deal really. They're just making conversation, it's not a "complaint" as such, just an observation that kids follow you into the loo.

Now my kids are in double figures, I'm generally left alone.

MrsWolowitzerables Fri 25-Jan-13 19:34:56

I have 3 DC aged 4 and under.

I NEVER get to pee in the day without being watched. Either that or I shut the doorand get them knocking on it wanting to come in and gawp.

Its not nonsense, its a fact.

Think yourself lucky you get to shit in peace, not all of us have that luxury!

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne Fri 25-Jan-13 19:35:57

YABU OP because it's a ridiculous thing to get worked up about.

'Just go to the loo alone' hmm

I'll get right to that once I've stopped the world from turning and the tide from coming in grin

NumericalMum Fri 25-Jan-13 19:36:31

Now my DC is 4 I am allowed mainly toilet time alone but when she was a baby she screamed blue murder f I put her down. Ever. Day and night. It wasn't fun.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 25-Jan-13 19:36:44

I never had a problem either when ds was little. I even managed to get a shower every day.

jamdonut Fri 25-Jan-13 19:36:51

I thought it was just me who thought that.
I never had any problems going to the loo on my own when I had babies/small children.

Emilythornesbff Fri 25-Jan-13 19:36:54

My toddler follows me to the loo. I thought it was commonplace.

Yama Fri 25-Jan-13 19:37:27

It doesn't bewilder me but I have always toileted alone.

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne Fri 25-Jan-13 19:38:05

You also seem to have some problems with your paragraph spacing.

NumericalMum Fri 25-Jan-13 19:38:24

I always showered but it involved a very angry crying baby and a lot of anguish from me or jumping in and out of the shower.

Yika Fri 25-Jan-13 19:38:35

My toddler would never let me go alone, she screams and bangs on the door. I don't mind thoughsmile

notnowbernard Fri 25-Jan-13 19:38:49

I'd love to shit in peace envy

hazeyjane Fri 25-Jan-13 19:39:19

with ds (2.6) it is because I can't leave him safely without some sort of meltdown
or incident.

with the dds (5 and 6) it was more because, when they were toddling age they would just follow me around and I usually left the door open.

I suppose I don't really complain about it though, I'm sure one day I'll be able to go to the loo without someone following me in there. Then I'll have to talk to myself!

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 19:39:33

but why let them follow you?
why not use the bathroom door?
are you trying to raise a generation of perves wink?

PoppyWearer Fri 25-Jan-13 19:39:38

My DC2 is 17mo and usually climbs onto my lap when I'm sat on the toilet. At least he's not bf'ing anymore...

Shutting the door not possible, he is intent on causing himself considerable physical harm "learning through physical exploration" and I need to keep an eye on him.

So....YABU. Each child/parent is different. Well done on having DCs who will play unsupervised.

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne Fri 25-Jan-13 19:39:42

I witnessed DD's first steps when I was sitting on the loo. I would have missed that if I'd shut her out.

Mind you. I wouldn't have known that I'd missed it, and would have thought the next instance was her first time iyswim.

3monkeys3 Fri 25-Jan-13 19:39:51

I have 3 under 5 and mainly get to go alone.

JacqueslePeacock Fri 25-Jan-13 19:40:25

What do those of you who go to the loo alone do with your toddlers while you do so?

PoppyWearer Fri 25-Jan-13 19:41:07

Showering is possible, but I have a little face pressed up against the glass and banging on it for the duration.

coldcupoftea Fri 25-Jan-13 19:41:19

I can't go to the loo without my toddler following me in and asking "are you doing a poo or a wee?" very loudly. Every time, without fail, including friends' houses, restaurants, public loos... Think yourself lucky!

I understand the not going to the loo alone, never understood not being able to go at all which I have read many times on mumsnet.

ddsmellysocks Fri 25-Jan-13 19:41:33

Aren't we so lucky to be discussing such trivial matters. Here is my opinion for what it is worth -

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne Fri 25-Jan-13 19:43:19

Surely it's easier to let the toddler come in, rather than having a screaming fit. It's called picking one's battles.

(I don't know why I'm even contributing on this thread. I don't own a toddler any more.)

MrsWolowitzerables Fri 25-Jan-13 19:43:24

Snog have you not read the replies?

Its just not worth the hassle or upset of having kids screaming and banging on the door. Why is this even issue that you even concern yourself about? confused

oneforthemoney Fri 25-Jan-13 19:43:57

Jacqueline - i just walk off saying 'mummy is just going to the loo' or sometimes i just walk off. What did you think we do? Lock them in a cabe or s8mething?

oneforthemoney Fri 25-Jan-13 19:44:17

Cage or something!

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 25-Jan-13 19:45:03

Now DS is 5, I do get to the loo on my own. But when he was little, he just followed me everywhere. There was so much important stuff he had to tell me immediately.

Baths are a different kettle of fish though. I only get to have my bath in peace when he is at school. Sometimes I can't wait until my naked body starts to embarrass him. Does anyone know when this will come?

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 19:45:56

Not all children are the same.

Bully for you.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 19:46:11

I've never taken a child to the loo with me
Nothing bad has ever happened as a result
I just don't understand why people say this is a problem - I think it's really odd! And it's a freaky thing to tell people to expect from parenthood imo
Are you people very slow wee-ers or ploppers, is that the problem?

MrsWolowitzerables Fri 25-Jan-13 19:46:49

One you're very lucky and I am envy

When I say "mummy's going to the loo" DD1 one says "Me too" and DT1 says "and me" and DT2 says "and meeeeee" then they all follow me like the pied frigging piper.

If I tell them to wait it causes tears or constant banging on the door. TBH I'd rather have the audience than the racket. Pick your battles.

bigkidsdidit Fri 25-Jan-13 19:47:21

Me neither- I've never understood

I saw someone on here claim she hadn't had time to brush her hair once. I wanted to shout 'you're on mumsnet!' put down the laptop and brush your bloody hair!

OddBoots Fri 25-Jan-13 19:47:34

Mine were usually popped in their cots with a few toys while I went to the loo (in the next room), I was probably just lucky that they were happy enough with this.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 19:49:07

Pick your battles though? Really?
Surely you only have to ignore banging on the door once or twice or horrors even 10 times before your kid realises it doesn't work?

ledkr Fri 25-Jan-13 19:49:19

Must admit my dd follows me to the loo and cries if I shut it but if I leave it open she try's get the big brush or wipe my fanboy for me.
I'm ok if I sneak away though.

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 19:50:40

But they follow you!

Maybe you've not had a velcro baby/toddler.

I minded being watched less than I minded listening to DS scream. He's 4 now and doesn't follow me most of the time.

Why would I ignore my child being upset when all it takes is to keep a door open? As others have said I choose my battles and that one isn't worth it.

MrsOakenshield Fri 25-Jan-13 19:51:38

why tell them though? Don't people just nip to the loo when they need? I don't think DD would have time to notice most of the time.

hazeyjane Fri 25-Jan-13 19:51:49

Aren't we so lucky to be discussing such trivial matters huh? It's ok to chat about trivial stuff you know!

Not that there is anything trivial about toilet/toddler etiquette!

bamboobutton Fri 25-Jan-13 19:52:16

If i shut the door on 2yo dd she will sit with her back to the door and repeatedly bang herself backwards against whilst screaming and crying. It makes the whole house shake and tenses me up so badly i can't actually go.

The only time i get to shit in peace is when they are both in bed or when dh is home and he can drag her away from the door.

MammaTJ Fri 25-Jan-13 19:52:46

I may well manage to actually go to the loo alone but......................................................... I have two people hammering on the other side of the door EVERY TIME tellign me to hurry up, they need a wee!!

They are 6 and 7, so at least go to school! grin

ZenNudist Fri 25-Jan-13 19:53:41

I take ds to the loo with me, he seems to enjoy it and stops him from damaging stuff/himself or getting up to no good when my back is turned.

ipswichwitch Fri 25-Jan-13 19:54:36

I used to have to leave DS sobbing while I went to the loo. Now he's (15months) mobile I just leave the door open and he generally meanders in for a neb. I have to take him with me to the bathroom if I need a shower - he will play by himself but needs to be able to see me if he wants to iyswim. However he had taken to standing and pressing his face against the shower cubicle door when I want to get out, resulting in some very long showers while I try to persuade him to shift!

I sneak off like a sneaky snake. It's only if I hear the words "coming ready or not" shouted across the house that I know there is a danger of being invaded. Sometimes I am not found in the bathroom by the time I have finished.

That said, I quite like it when I am invaded though because DS will often sit down next to me and start a very interesting conversation with the words "Are you doing a wee or are you doing a poo Mummy?" It makes me laugh but he is my last baby.

Snowydrift Fri 25-Jan-13 19:55:33

Ummm, because he can open the bathroom door.

MsVestibule Fri 25-Jan-13 19:55:34

KLAXON CALL!!!! NOT ALL CHILDREN ARE THE SAME!!!!

Some people are lucky enough to have babies/toddlers who just potter happily by themselves. I didn't.

Now mine are 4 and 5, yes, I can go to the loo in peace most of the time. A couple of years ago, no chance. Of course I could have closed the bathroom door, but I'd rather have them in with me, than banging and screaming on the door outside. TBH, not being able to go to the loo by myself was never one of the things that bothered me about being a SAHM, but I may have jokily mentioned it every now and then.

How many children have you got Snog? Were they always happy for you to leave them for a few minutes?

Because my 12 month old screams herself into a frenzy every time I leave the room and would have indoubtedly made herself sick by the time I got back from the loo.

Mollydoggerson Fri 25-Jan-13 19:56:08

BREAKING NEWS:

Not all babies/toddlers are the same.

Some are more clingy (maybe due to being bad teethers/illness) and go bonkers if the primary caarer goes out of their sight.

TurdusMerula Fri 25-Jan-13 19:56:11

Op, WIBU to be bewildered by your being happy to listen to your child howl and bang while you curl one out?
Yes: it's unreasonable (and oddly ignorant) not to realise that different mothers have different priorities and preferences.

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 19:56:39
Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 19:57:17

But some women claim that a key benefit of going to work is being able to go to the loo alone.
Honestly people, if it matters to you, just do it.
Believe me you don't need to go out to work to achieve this

Fakebook Fri 25-Jan-13 19:57:22

My five year old follows me to the loo and now her brother has started following too. They both set up camp outside the bathroom playing/screaming/shouting. You cant stop them following, they're like little annoying ducklings.

Tweasels Fri 25-Jan-13 19:57:22

I'd rather have her in the bathroom happy than screaming at the stairgate making me hurry. I like to shit in peaceful surroundings.

I think more fool her if she'd rather endure the smell of shit roses than sit downstairs on her own.

When DS was a toddler he'd be more than happy left alone. They're all different aren't they.

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 19:57:46

Episodes 2 and 3

(And four and five if you click through...)

VerlaineChasedRimbauds Fri 25-Jan-13 19:59:37

Ah, the memories of a small person needing to tell me things that were really very very important RIGHT NOW. I did manage to go to the loo alone but, just in case I had forgotten she was there, DD used to waggle her fingers under the door and sing to me grin.

ceeveebee Fri 25-Jan-13 19:59:49

I've never taken either of my twins to the toilet with me. I also manage to shower while they

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:00:55

they open door,crawl,scream or march in
figure it will stop by 12
else I'll be worried

ceeveebee Fri 25-Jan-13 20:02:10

Shower while they play in the nursery. Never miss a meal either.
Also on bath nights I bath one twin while the other plays alone.
Run the risk of a flaming here but seriously I think some people make a rod for their own back by never leaving their DCs alone for 5 minutes

Bunbaker Fri 25-Jan-13 20:02:51

"What do those of you who go to the loo alone do with your toddlers while you do so?"

I put her in the playpen or her cot. When she was very small we didn't have a downstairs toilet. We had very steep stairs as well so we had stair gates, so when she was a little older I could put her in front of the TV while I nipped upstairs. So I never had the problem of her banging on the door, which I would find very off putting.

She has always understood that going to the toilet is a private matter so it was never an issue for me.

edam Fri 25-Jan-13 20:03:12

You think toddlers insisting on coming into the loo with you is bad... on New Year's Eve at my sister's, some neighbours set fireworks off. Her great big alsation-sized dog panicked and rushed to his Mummy - who was in the loo. And a bit startled by having several stones worth of dog bursting through the door and trying to climb onto her lap. grin

(He's a very dependent/attached dog, she got him from a rescue; he'd been abandoned by previous owners. But still, you'd think he'd let his mistress have a pee in peace!)

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:03:40

Look ceeveebee can manage with twins
Honestly people you need to give this up

Daffyboobface Fri 25-Jan-13 20:04:07

YABU! I leave the door open to make sure the toddler isn't braining the baby. And the baby is so desperate to get the loo brush and other Forbidden Things that the chink of bog seat is a siren call for her.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:05:34

I do agree child doesn't need be be velcroed to to you 24-7
there lies folly.don't skip meals etc cause can't put baby down.
easier when wee baby as plonked in cot went for long shower

MsVestibule Fri 25-Jan-13 20:05:44

But some women claim that a key benefit of going to work is being able to go to the loo alone. Erm, Snog <speaks slowly> I think they're joking.

Hmm, benefits of returning to work after maternity leave.
1. Financial benefits; meh.
2. If I don't, I won't be able to get back in at my current level; not really that fussed.
3. I'll be able to go to the loo by myself; hell yeah, that's a critical one, when shall I go back?

HoneyDragon Fri 25-Jan-13 20:06:00

What do you do in public toilets?

TurdusMerula Fri 25-Jan-13 20:06:10

I'd suspect that those who say it's a key benefit of being back at work are probably speaking in a tongue-in-cheek way, and perhaps metaphorically: they mean that the relative civilisation of their working environment comes as a pleasant relief after the vicissitudes of life with a clingy baby/toddler.

And no-one who says it's impossible is speaking literally, just as those who say their baby is unputdownable really mean that it's just not worth the screaming/going purple/being sick that would ensue, rather than that the baby is some sort of supernatural phenomenon.

(So I think YABU!)

I don't really care if I 'make a rod for my own back' it only takes a second for something to happen when they are little and if it did you can never take back those few moments when they could have easily come with you, my 11yo doesn't follow me in now so they do grow out of it eventually.

biscuit for you op

IAmLouisWalsh Fri 25-Jan-13 20:09:38

I lock the door. Doesn't stop DS2 banging on it yelling 'what are you doing? Is it a wee or a poo? A wee or a poo Mummy? I NEED to see. Let me see'.

It puts you off a bit...

newbielisa Fri 25-Jan-13 20:10:02

Snog maybe your poo really stinks ...... Like your superior tone. Just a thought.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:10:48

op is of course right, but still I love bit hyperbole
some folk take the can't take eyes off em for second too far

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 20:10:50

grin Visions of turdus with a baby superglued to her arm saying "Help! Help! It won't come off!"

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:11:35

Delish, thanks tardis
Obviously I won't be able to eat it alone

TurdusMerula Fri 25-Jan-13 20:12:16

Which people have to give it up? Why? confused

Anyway, I reckon it probably helps them potty train, if they're familiar with the practicalities of using a toilet <smug mother of kid who potty-trained at 18 months>

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 20:12:29

My mum still leaves the door open if she goes to the loo at my house, maybe my family is just weirdly open about such things?

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 20:12:55

Not if DP is around though, to be fair! I mean if it's just us and we're mid-conversation.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:13:54

I' guess if you like taking your kid to the loo good luck to you, as you were
It's the ones who moan about it and make out that everyone has this problem who weird me out

ceeveebee Fri 25-Jan-13 20:14:33

People can do as they wish but don't moan about it!
And that's not directed at anyone on this thread, I know the thread snog is referring to and some posters are making out that they can't even spare one minute to make a sandwich because their tiny child won't 'let' them

cory Fri 25-Jan-13 20:15:22

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 19:57:17
"But some women claim that a key benefit of going to work is being able to go to the loo alone."

shorthand for Being Able To Go To The Loo Without Having To Physically Peel Anyone of Your Leg And Then Listen While They Bang On The Door And Scream Until They Are Sick

posters just get a bit lazy with their typing grin

PurpleStorm Fri 25-Jan-13 20:15:55

Depends on the context with DS (17 months).

I can go to the loo alone if we're at home, no problem.

If we're out at other people's houses and he's busy playing with something, or knows the other people very well, it's generally okay. But otherwise, if he spots me heading off, he often follows me, and ends up hammering on the outside of the toilet door and yelling if I don't let him in.

TurdusMerula Fri 25-Jan-13 20:16:08

bertie - now if you'd said nipple, you'd not be far off. would it be wrong to confess that I have breasted whilst weeing? Or is this not the right place...

Whenever I use the loo I seem to irresistibly attract my DH, toddler and both cats (the latter three of whom try to climb on my knee).

Luckily I have no sense of shame, pride or modesty since I was gutted like a wounded kipper in stirrups in front of 16 strangers whilst having DS

JacqueslePeacock Fri 25-Jan-13 20:17:44

If I "just walk off",*one*, my DS follows me. If I shut the door, he screams hysterically. Why wouldn't it just be easier to let him come in too?

tigerdriverII Fri 25-Jan-13 20:18:02

I don't remember DS following me to the loo, apart from when we were out and he'd come in with me. But I went back to work when he was 4.5 m and I don't imagine that his childminders put up with their charges following them to the loo all the time.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:18:11

I didn't potty train til.it's not baby Olympics.1st arse shitting on pot gets gold
I'm sure prior to embarking on career they'll not be asked when did you potty train

TheMightyLois Fri 25-Jan-13 20:19:23

DS has never been allowed to come with me to the loo, unless we're out somewhere. I don't care if he screamed, itwas just for a minute

I am baffled by all this

Cakethrow Fri 25-Jan-13 20:19:49

I found it fine with 1 DC, same to some extent with 2DC but now I have 3 under 4 I either have to keep DC3 away from the other 2 or he'll be killed with kindness (he's 3 weeks old and the eldest like to 'cuddle' him and bury him under soft toys) or DC1 wants to 'talk to me' while I'm in there or DC2 has a sudden urge for the toilet too - he's toilet training hmm

They notice if I've gone and seek me out and I can't just go in there and lock the door, much as I'd love to, as I've had to take the lock off because the two eldest DC learnt how to lock it but couldn't unlock it, resulting in the door being forcibly removed to rescue them.

ceeveebee Fri 25-Jan-13 20:20:13

I can 100% guarantee that I never went to the toilet with my DM as she would not have stood for that kind of malarkey and I was out of nappies by 18 months

I just put the baby in the cot or playpen and go, even if she has to cry for 5 mins, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Once dd1 was a toddler She followed me and I used to let her, made toilet training easy as she wanted to 'be a big girl like mummy' and use the potty/toilet. Doesn't bother me really. Now she is 3.5 she doesn't come in, too busy playing.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:21:07

Ok so have we agreed that if you take your kid to the loo either you like the company or at least don't mind it?
Because it would clearly be easy to stop this behaviour if you wanted to?
I mean if your child creates because you won't let him use a meat cleaver you can stick to your guns without too much trouble?

thesnootyfox Fri 25-Jan-13 20:21:35

I used to agree with you. My sil often said she couldn't get to the loo and I used to think fgs get a grip!

Then I had ds2 and until recently it was really hard getting to the loo and once I even felt a bit of wee coming out.blush

Now I'm past that stage I can't even remember what he actually did to prevent me from going to the loo but it happened. It's all true. I survived, I'm past that stage. I still do it with an audience but I no longer require Tena pads.

Lara2 Fri 25-Jan-13 20:23:22

At the beginning if each year it's not unusual to find a large group of my reception class have followed me across the corridor to the loo and are trying to come in with me! smile I hasten to add that it's a team taught unit, so I'm not leaving children alone. They're usually a bit put out that they can't join me and continue the natter we were having!!! smile

superstarheartbreaker Fri 25-Jan-13 20:24:06

Well op I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Nowadays I am able to go to the loo alone without a commotion (just about) but I do make a run for it. The problem is now that my 4 year old dd will not go to the loo on HER own as she is scared of going upstairs alone. She normally asks when I am doing something like preparing dinner. Agravating! Agggrrr!

MummytoKatie Fri 25-Jan-13 20:25:50

It's a joke I make all the time about work - that I get to go to the loo and no one starts banging on the door. I also comment that if someone else spills something I don't have to clean it up. It's a joke!

Incidentally I think it is a good idea to take toddlers to the loo with you sometimes - otherwise how will they know what to do on the potty. Although dh decided he didn't like this idea so much when he went to have a wee (standing up) and suddenly found a little face peering up at him from between his legs!

ArtfulAardvark Fri 25-Jan-13 20:26:38

We had a funky play pen, the children loved it as it was very bright - I just penned them up when I needed the loo, probably hideously un PC.

thegreylady Fri 25-Jan-13 20:27:39

When I looked after dgs when they were between 1 and 3 I would not want to leave them shut out or on their own when I went to the loo. If anything had happened and they had been hurt I would never have forgiven myself.
Now they are 3.11 and 6.4 I have been able to go alone for about 6 months.

newbielisa Fri 25-Jan-13 20:28:17

Doesn't bother me.
I don't complain about it.
I'm looking forward to the first edition of "Parenting by Snog" will it be available for the Kindle?

WMDinthekitchen Fri 25-Jan-13 20:29:30

They stopped either coming to the loo with me or banging on the door and started fighting as soon as I was esconced. Long time ago now.

newbielisa Fri 25-Jan-13 20:29:57

Actually I am probably lying a tad, I'm fairly sure I will have complained about it, that and cluster feeding.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:29:59

Cool
This is my first Aibu
I am loving it - clearly I am simultaneously reasonable and unreasonable which is what it's all about
So many of you love an audience though, what a revelation

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:31:10

wouldn't say I love audience just got used to it frankly

newbielisa Fri 25-Jan-13 20:31:30

Mummy to Katie, that's hysterical.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:32:12

newbielisa (grin)
The first chapter is now written I feel

Meglet Fri 25-Jan-13 20:33:57

yanbu.

Mine can scream the house down and start WW3.

The door is locked and they have to wait.

newbielisa Fri 25-Jan-13 20:35:19

Just realised I didn't add my vote. You are BU for allowing yourself to be bewildered by something that obviously doesn't affect you. You are also BU for saying Folk, shit term that reminds me of shit music.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:36:20

There are no end of other things you can do with a child too once you crack going to the loo alone

soozlewoozle Fri 25-Jan-13 20:36:41

I take DD as she awards me gold star stickers for producing "a great big lellow weewee in the turlet!!!" potty training gone wrong somewhere

MarianneM Fri 25-Jan-13 20:37:22

I go to the loo.

I close the door.

Cue two children banging on the door chanting mummymummymummymummy!

(But I think it's cute - I'm at work all day with regular private loo breaks grin)

petitfiloser Fri 25-Jan-13 20:37:32

OP i love the word bewildered, i suggest it should have more everyday useage? discuss grin

soozlewoozle Fri 25-Jan-13 20:37:33

YABU BTW, I love a trivial argument smile

MikeFlowersPops Fri 25-Jan-13 20:37:57

Have none of you read The Help?

Apparently it's important for little kids to see their parents on the loo, it helps them with potty training <according to that book anyway, which is admittedly is a work of fiction and not a parenting manual>

Anyway I understand some children are clingy and some aren't. My DD has never followed me to the loo, but she is a non-clingy one. It's luck of the draw surely?

hugoagogo Fri 25-Jan-13 20:37:57

Children vary don't they? I usually managed to go to the loo by myself, but I accept others had trouble with it.

Just as both my dc woke at the slightest noise or movement, leaving me pinned underneath them or sitting in the car with them reading my book, because I knew they could not be moved. I have been told that this was because I tiptoed around them.hmm Hey ho

KaraStarbuckThrace Fri 25-Jan-13 20:38:22

Yes I could go to the loo alone.
However DD would destroy the house if I did.

missorinoco Fri 25-Jan-13 20:39:20

No locks on the loo doors. I can make the older ones stay out, but the under two year old just pushes against the door til it opens.

Also, if I need a poo I get performance anxiety if someone is shrieking "Mummy" outside the door. Puts me off.

Maybe TMI, but it's Friday night, there'll be worse on the bumsex thread.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:39:33

Ooh double YABU there from newbielisa

RooneyMara Fri 25-Jan-13 20:40:57

I have a 3 week old baby. I can't do ANYTHING alone.

Why do you care anyway OP? Are you offering to come and jiggle him for me for five minutes so I can pull my pants up with both hands?

No? Thought not - in which case he will just have to work himself into an inordinate frenzy and refuse to breathe while I 'go on my own'.

Really, get to feck.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:42:53

"Dd would destroy the house if I did"
Presumably this holds for everything she doesn't immediately get her own way about then?

StrawberryMojito Fri 25-Jan-13 20:42:53

I have two choices...I go to the loo alone and either feel uncomfortable about the misery that's occurring outside the door or worried about the suspicious silence OR.. I leave the door open and have a relaxed wee with a calm but visible and happy audience.

thegreylady Fri 25-Jan-13 20:43:02

it never bothered me in the slightest-the child would just come with me and look at a book or play with a car and we'd wash hands together.I couldn't have relaxed if I had left them.What if one had fallen and banged his head or choked on a small toy or just got frightened?

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:44:41

Rooneymara just put the baby down for 60 seconds
The world will not end
You don't need me there to help you, you can do this!

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes Fri 25-Jan-13 20:46:54

My older ds (5) doesn't tend to come with me anymore but the little one is 7 months and just started crawling so its marginally more relaxing to just bring him with me than worry about what he's up to while I'm there. He doesn't have a cot and we don't have any other makeshift cages we could use...

I have definitely said that about it being an advantage of going back to work though, when I went back to work after ds1 when he was 13 months I was a single parent and I think it was just a convenient way of expressing the fact that work felt like a bit of a break compared to sole care of a baby.

RooneyMara Fri 25-Jan-13 20:47:11

No, I won't, because he will be upset. Sorry - my job is to stop him being upset and I'd rather go to the toilet with him in my arms than let him cry on his own, albeit two seconds from me.

I do it because it's my choice and I want to.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 20:53:07

you cannnot put a crying baby down to defacate in peace
god all mighty.baby won't suffer if placed in cot for brief period
it's not your job,being mum isn't job it's choice you've made.thats different

Shaky Fri 25-Jan-13 20:53:15

It was ok when ds was small and I could put him in the playpen for a couple of minutes.
He is now 3 and toilet trained so every time I take him for a pee I have one myself.

Every time I have left him unsupervised while I go to the loo, I have come back to find him doing something he shouldn't, eg playing drums on the TV, climbing on the dining table (our downstairs is open plan) pulling the cat's tail etc

nickelbabe Fri 25-Jan-13 20:53:29

well
I amback at work and I have to take dd to the loo.

because if she's on a clingy day or isn't syitably distracted, she screams blue murder.
I can't risk a customer walking in at that exact moment and thinking i'd abandoned her, upset her or worse.
or walking out again because of the noise.

so, for me, going to work definitely did not mean I could go to the toilet on my own.

RooneyMara Fri 25-Jan-13 20:57:12

Are you saying I'm not allowed to hold him while I go to the loo? Or I shouldn't?

RooneyMara Fri 25-Jan-13 20:58:38

I have a little chair thing in there that is right by the loo, and which I put him onto to wash my hands at least - or to sit there if he isn't crying.

And occasionally when he is.
But he is still with me. That's my choice - I don't see what is wrong with it.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 20:59:46

I guess do what you want but don't be a martyr to it as its totally unnecessary to take your child to the loo all the time for fear of what will happen if you dont

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:01:21

im saying being unwilling put a baby in cot whilst you defacate is bit ott
I certainly never held a baby in my arms in wc to defecate why would I?
I dint think there. will be attachment issue to put baby in cot whilst you in loo

hazeyjane Fri 25-Jan-13 21:03:04

No snog, ds is safer if he isn't left on his own. I am not being a martyr, because it just is what it is,I don't moan about it, I get on with it.

nickelbabe Fri 25-Jan-13 21:04:01

sometimes I try not to take her (she's 13 mo) and she tries to follow me.
yp the steep stairs.
my pelvic floor is still not muscley and it's easier to take her with me than to panicky run back downstairs and risk pissing myself with no change of undies.

I think yabu

It's luck of the drawer. When my its were little, one was happy to be left, the other would cry till he vomited, so he got to come with me. Perhaps your dc were more like my dt1? Then as they got older, they would bite each other and draw blood if left alone, again one would have to come with me. Perhaps you never had twins?

Put away your judgy pants, especially about such a trivial matter.

StrawberryMojito Fri 25-Jan-13 21:05:41

The bounce chair in the room with you sounds fine Rooney, I had to do the same with my DS who was a very clingy baby. Hygiene-wise, I drew the line at holding him while I went even if he was upset.

Draw not drawer, dts not its. Bloody phone.

hugoagogo Fri 25-Jan-13 21:07:13

nickel your baby can't be 13 months! shock

StrawberryMojito Fri 25-Jan-13 21:09:47

Snog- tell us about your own children. Are they happy to be left alone whilst you go or do you/did you ignore their cries?

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:11:01

Look it has taken me 13 years to raise this issue I think that is more than reasonable

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:12:21

Strawberry - never an issue to me, I wouldn't have given any consideration to taking m

nickelbabe Fri 25-Jan-13 21:13:02

Hugo she is grin and a half

brainonastick Fri 25-Jan-13 21:13:23

Going right back to the start of the thread, but ddsmellysocks post - brilliant

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:13:23

Taking mine to the loo - why would I?

StrawberryMojito Fri 25-Jan-13 21:14:32

I think I asked whether they were happy to be left alone or you left them upset whilst you went?

brainonastick Fri 25-Jan-13 21:15:41

My dds take on the fecal matter "but I just want to be with yoooooooo mummy" as they try to climb on my knee whilst I'm at a crucial moment in the toilet proceedings.

Endearing, no?

SolomanDaisy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:15:46

I go to the loo alone. I just don't often get to stay alone for long. The other day DS popped in just long enough to pick up a new loo roll I was about to fit to the holder. When I told him to bring it back, he brought back one end of the paper, leaving the roll elsewhere and an andrex puppy style tangle in between...

hugoagogo Fri 25-Jan-13 21:16:45

Crikey they grow up so fast don't they? grin

<eyes 14 year old^ baby^ ds>

Ds2 will happily play alone but he has a sixth sense for me going to the loo! I generally leave the door open but if I have guests I have to lock it or he will have noticed and opened the door before I've finished weeing! Ds1 (5) will invite ds2 (2) to go with him to the toilet if he's doing a poo confused

Cups of tea I'm terrible with, put it down and been distracted from drinking the same cup reheated several times some days.

Winternight Fri 25-Jan-13 21:21:10

Mine get separation anxiety.
They stalk me.
I would love to poo in peace.
Yabu

JollyRedGiant Fri 25-Jan-13 21:22:12

I pee by myself. I lock the door. It just takes a short while.

However, I have all sorts of issues with pooing that a fibre diet can't seem to sort, so pooing takes more than a few seconds and I have to try to time poos for when DS is in bed or busy watching tv.

I have an amazingly clever 2 year old. She can open doors and everything. She can also lock the damn things so all the locks have been disabled. Therefore I have no choice about her wandering in and having a lovely chat while I pee. She often brings her friends along too. Apparently my spotty knickers are the most amusing sight in the whole world and must be shared.

OP, just because your perfect little precious does or doesn't do something or just because you choose to parent in a different way does not mean everyone else has to do the same. Please stop cluttering up the internet complaining about it!

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:26:12

Glen you are cluttering up the net too so that doesn't hold a lot of water

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:27:19

I don't care if you like taking your kids to watch you pee and poo
I care if you com

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:28:02

Complain that you don't like it but think it is unavoidable, that is all

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 21:29:23

Don't understand the problem here either. 3 Dcs and have always managed to pee and poo in peace. Bung them in cot or playpen if they are super clingy.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:32:58

Exactamondo
We are talking 60 seconds of separation

Meglet Fri 25-Jan-13 21:34:39

I used to let mine cry when I went to the loo. It's not like abandoning them.

Having IBS means I have a lot of trips to the bathroom so they've had to learn to deal with it.

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 21:37:05

I love my son. It hurts to upset him.

My choice. The end.

SolomanDaisy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:39:01

My DS can escape from playpens and cots and he can open doors. Frankly I am happy to see his head pop round the toilet door as it means he isn't standing naked weeing from the top of a tower he's built to see out of a window. I assume you don't have a toddler.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:40:36

lol,I presume that earnest statement is joke
upset him when you go loo, gawd he'll get over it
wait til he goes nursery, he'll flourish and learn to wait without getting upset

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 21:41:28

No I have a 13 year old and can pee alone at will

reallyyummymummy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:44:45

When DS1 was 18 months and DS2 was 2 months it was difficult to wee alone because if one didn't cry the other one would.

Now they are 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 I shut the door to block out the screams. It is really satisfying.

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 21:46:58

Scottish- I had extreme PND. Was sectioned and had him removed from me, only togeth in a mother & baby unit on 1:1 contact. 4-9 months I hated him. Right now he is my entire universe, and more. We co sleep, eat together, go to baby groups every day.

It hurts me because it brings me right back to those dark evil times when I wasn't allowed near my son.

It HURTS to hear him cry. I love him so much and I hate that small minded snobbish elitist MNers would judge me for that.

I'm doing my absolute hardest to make my son happy, which everybody says he is now. I love him so, so much.

..

TeWiSavesTheDay Fri 25-Jan-13 21:47:46

Our bathroom door is broken and can't afford to fix it!

You can prop it closed but of course toddlers have no manners and barge through at will.

I hate it.

PickledInAPearTree Fri 25-Jan-13 21:48:19

Baby yes. Toddler, no. Stalking little fiends.

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 21:49:46

I would also rather have a son who would rather cling to my legs tjan wouldn't know if I was there or not.

My parents didn't care I existed, I will not let him feel the same.

I was with you on this OP right up until I had a mobile toddler who can open doors plus a lack of bathroom door lock. He also lobs things at me when I have a shower hmm

I try to lock him behind the stair gate down stairs.

You have just given me the impetus to get a bloody door lock and I can pee in peace again grin

vigglewiggle Fri 25-Jan-13 21:52:00

I never 'contained' my children. And I didn't go back to work until they were 5 and 3 so they were more than capable of locating me and opening the bathroom door (no lock). I didn't particularly like it, but I didn't dislike it enough to put them in confinement. I did notice the joy of 'unattended' and timely toilet breaks when I returned to work, but I didn't assume everyone had the same experience.

<unhelpful>

BeaWheesht Fri 25-Jan-13 21:52:38

Sometimes it does annoy me but as dd makes herself projectile vomit at will I'd rather she came in for a chat than I came out from a lonesome pee to find the entire house covered in vomit.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:52:54

why is cling desirable
parental role is to encourage safe exploration and independence
cling isn't necessarily benchmark of good parenting

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 21:54:11

I also like to think its helping with future potty training

LesBOFerables Fri 25-Jan-13 21:54:19

It's a long time ago now, but I generally managed to go alone. Different story with the dog though, who seems to think that I have passed through a portal to another dimension if I close the bathroom door.

Iggly Fri 25-Jan-13 21:57:28

I don't have a playpen.

Dd will climb on things if I leave her. Ds would probably do some damage too. So I usually bring one with me.

And on the occasions when i go solo, ds will bang on the door to find me. So even though I'm alone, I'm not at peace!

drjohnsonscat Fri 25-Jan-13 21:58:24

I thought everyone had breast fed on the loo at some point. No? Screaming baby, finally latching on after hours of struggle, seems to be feeding at last but you just have to go...

My children followed me into the toilet for years and my son is still with me every morning when I shower but at least now he's not trying to crawl in with me. I had a year or so of trying to do one handed hair washing while holding the shower door shut with the other hand.

I'm puzzled by the OP tbh. What else do you do with your cannot-be-left-alone crawling 10 month old while you shower? Single parent here btw.

Iggly Fri 25-Jan-13 21:58:38

Those with older kids I bet you've forgotten how intense babies and toddlers are.

Hell, I've forgotten what newborns are like almost and it was only a year ago.

VictoriaPlum01 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:59:01

My DCs aren't the problem. It's my frigging over-needy cat. He has to accompany me every where I go. I've just gone back to work after maternity leave (where I was his constant companion for a whole year), now when I am at home it's like he has velcroed himself to my legs. I was reading this thread, nipped to the loo, and guess who followed me? Yup, the cat angry

PickledInAPearTree Fri 25-Jan-13 21:59:27

Ds empties all the drawers and rubs my legs with an emery board a d occasionally wobbles my thighs laughs and says jelly jelly.

SolomanDaisy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:00:52

FFS scottishmummy, did you not read the rest of scheherezade' s post? NoT the time to argue over parenting style.

Scheherezade, it sounds like you're doing fabulously now and making up for the time you missed.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 25-Jan-13 22:01:45

I had no idea that people actually went to the toilet with an audience! My DS1 is 30 months and DS2 is 20 weeks. I do not have a problem in going to the toilet on my own.

Maybe I'm just boring, neither son bothers if I leave the room.

StrawberryMojito Fri 25-Jan-13 22:01:50

I don't think anybody said it was desirable, it's clearly not. A happily, independent child is a goal for most people, but if your child is born clingy then you have to deal with it. I think independence comes with increasing confidence and age or some are just born content.

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:02:37

I like that he views me as safety, then uses me as anchor to explore. He is v. Confident and once happy in a room is eager to explore.

I studied developmental psych, this is normal behaviour.

I will not allow any ignorant, jealous, small minded outsider make me jealous for what is finally a happy, loving, wonderful time. He loves me, he's happy. The professionals are more than happy. He's no longer written in notes as "an unhappy child". I love him. I moan in jest but I love how much he loves me. We cuddle constantly, my life is incredible. I'll be MIL from hell. Whatever, my child is more important than snobby, jealous, cold bullshit from some anonymous name on an internet forum.

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:03:10

Well said strawberry

StrawberryMojito Fri 25-Jan-13 22:03:19

And that's the difference girl outnumbered...yours don't mind if you leave the room, others do.

PickledInAPearTree Fri 25-Jan-13 22:04:24

It's not a huge deal for me, toddlers all have their little foibles.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 25-Jan-13 22:04:58

So.... He old are these children who cry when mum leaves the room, just out of interest?

determinedma Fri 25-Jan-13 22:06:09

Breastfed while having a shit? umm that would be never, and I bf three of them.
They can actually be left alone for a few minutes and still grow up as rounded and loving children.

5madthings Fri 25-Jan-13 22:06:11

I have bfed on the loo and read a story to a toddler at the same time. Sometimes I get to go to the toilet on my own, sometimes not. It doesn't bother me particularly and I think its generally moaned about in a jokey way.

Dome children can't be left to cry for even 60seconds, ds1 would cry to the point of vommiting in 60 seconds so no I wouldn't leave him to cry.

My children are all very independent, they got their naturally and I think having a secure attachment when they were babies/toddlers actually helped that.

hazeyjane Fri 25-Jan-13 22:06:41

Mine is 2.6, honestly, him coming into the loo with me is the least of our problems!

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:07:59

Thank you Soloman. I was in hospital q long, long time. I can't describe how incredible it feels to know how much he loves me still, after everything. I'm in tears now thinking of it. I was physically restrained for attacking nurses, legally forbidden from being alone near my son. If he.wants to cry for a few minutes he has every right.

I love him more than any cell of my body could fight for. He's my world. He's a clingy, needy, PITA. But I secretly love that he is. He still loves me, that's all I need

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:09:05

Mu DS turned 16mo, yesterday.

drjohnsonscat Fri 25-Jan-13 22:10:40

Girl my 12-18 month old would be inconsolable if I left the room. Utterly distraught. She grew out of it by about 2.

I did go to the loo sometimes on my own but I wasn't /am not that bothered so wouldn't have cluttered up the house with a playpen just to avoid the companion in the loo.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 25-Jan-13 22:12:32

scheherezade I'm sorry to hear what you want through. Enjoy every minute of your son, that's your right.

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:13:54

Yep, DS just turned 2. He enjoys rearranging the shampoo bottles as I wee. It's great. I love it. He sings to me smile

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:14:15

feeling loved and attached is the aim,we all hopefully seek that
but we As parents need to explore positive risk taking
essentially we all test boundaries knowing they're loved when they bounce back

FaresPlease Fri 25-Jan-13 22:15:09

I feel a kind of passive aggressive vibe from you OP! Why does it annoy you that mothers often mention that they cannot get to pee in peace?

Is it because it implies that staying home looking after toddlers is not always a bed of roses, and that SAH mums sometimes actually do have stuff to deal with that is not enjoyable?

I know people who are determined to maintain their view that SAH mums are useless and lazy and do as they please all day long without a care in the world. Such people will not admit that a complaint like not being able to use the bathroom in peace has any validity, because then they would have to admit that their view of SAH mums might actually be wrong!

Being home all day with babies can be mind-numbingly boring and filled with little gripes like this, and also wonderful and delightful at times. Just as going out to work can be tedious and thankless, and at other times rewarding.

And yes, of course, anyone can lock the door and be physically alone whilst using the loo. But you cannot necessarily be MENTALLY alone.

For the first, say, 40 seconds, a small person may bang relentlessly on the door. Then all goes quiet. Then you hear an unusual thud. Then you call "are you ok out there?". Then there is silence. Then you reach up from your seated position to unlock the door and peer out. And either some little trickster comes barging in and you are no longer alone, or there is no sign of anyone and you finish hastily and
head off to assess the damage!!!!

In short, OP, yes, YABU. When in sole charge of one or more little ones, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE......

SolomanDaisy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:15:38

As, that brought a tear to my eye too! Mine is 19 months and I feel much the same about him. Watching him run towards me, arms out, shouting 'mummy hug' is the most incredible thing. It took us a long time to have a child and I feel so lucky. It's great you've been able to get back to that feeling after having such a tough time.

StrawberryMojito Fri 25-Jan-13 22:15:58

DS is 15 months. When he was tiny, he used to need physical contact all if the time, now he just likes to know where I am and be able to see me. He is gaining independence, it will just take time.

drjohnsonscat Fri 25-Jan-13 22:16:56

Scheherazade what an awful trial you have endured. I cannot imagine how awful it's been for you but glad you are together again.

PickledInAPearTree Fri 25-Jan-13 22:19:57

mine does that schedezade

and put on deodorant

OddBoots Fri 25-Jan-13 22:20:21

I posted earlier but what I had forgotten that both of mine came in with me in a sling for their first few weeks, it's only once they were a little older that they played in their cot, at first with the door open so I could chat/sing with them then once they were secure in the concept that I would be back in a minute I closed the door. I can't recall either of them being upset about it.

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 25-Jan-13 22:21:03

I didn't take my PFB to the loo with me, but I think that might be because I was a very inexperienced parent.
I only had a couple of books by Sheila Kitzinger and Penelope Leach to guide me and the internet didn't exist, nor did I have a computer.
So I didn't know I was supposed to, and it never occurred to me as my mother had never peed with an audience.
But I'm OK with others feeling they have to, it's not my business.

CheeseOnTop Fri 25-Jan-13 22:22:46

THIS THREAD is why I love mumsnet. That is all

Clawdy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:23:14

The old-fashioned playpens had their uses....at least you knew they were safe for a few minutes. Never seem to see them now.

PickledInAPearTree Fri 25-Jan-13 22:25:23

all toddlers are different why does anyone care if mine runs in the bathroom?

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:26:24

No more than others as above it would seem smile they start off as clingy screaming monsters, and gradually learn independence with our help. Surely that's parenting, not just ignoring and self congratulating when the baby couldn't care less.

I'm now responding to my child. I don't know what any other needs, apart from.my own. I know what my child needs now, and I respond to it. Without criticizing another MNer for it.

plus3 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:27:38

No.. Sorry.. It annoys me too. And I understand that we are all different, have different parenting styles/events in our lives.

My DC are 8 & 6, yet rarely do I step out of the shower without someone else being on the loo. If you shut the door - privacy. Door open...well it's open season! However, I don't moan about it.

I gave my sil some beautiful bath oil as a gift for her birthday after she had her 1st child. She looked at it, and said 'like I will ever get a chance to use THAT.'
Her DS was 8mths by then & she has a quite capable DH.

Rude and unreasonable (in my opinion smile)

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 25-Jan-13 22:27:59

Exactly, some people have partners who use the toilet whilst they are in the bath. I hate the idea, but what harm if it doesn't bother them?
And all the mums that complain about the relentless company, I'm not sure how many of them would really want an end to it deep down. Not until the child is at least school age, I know reception have had problems with children sharing cubicles!

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:30:08

I use the bath after DS is in bed.

Alconleigh Fri 25-Jan-13 22:35:49

Is this seriously a thing? I would quite like children, but why can't I have a crap in peace? I am as sure as I can be that I didn't join my mother when she was on the throne. I am not damaged or emotionally stunted. When did martyr smother get normal?

plus3 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:36:22

Exactly! That is a reasonable thing to do!

bootsycollins Fri 25-Jan-13 22:40:16

Scheherazade I salute you, I'm really glad that you've recovered and share unconditional love with your ds. Obviously I don't know you but I'm guessing that your experience has made you a stronger person, don't mean to sound patronising but your story really is inspirational.

plus3 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:40:38

alconleigh it is a thing. Whether it bothers you or not is another thing. If you want to poo alone - put your toddler somewhere safe & off you pop. If you are happy with a bit of company then all the better. Win win.

5madthings Fri 25-Jan-13 22:41:02

Its not martyr smother, why would I leave a baby who would cry to the point of committing within minutes when I can simply take him with me?!he is now a very happy, independent 13 yr old so it certainly did not smother him.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 22:41:32

"When did martyr smother get normal"
grin

PickledInAPearTree Fri 25-Jan-13 22:43:12

martyr smother?

It's only a toddler running in the bog.

monsterchild Fri 25-Jan-13 22:43:15

I have this problem with the cats. one bangs on the door when I shut it. Very strange.

valiumredhead Fri 25-Jan-13 22:44:48

I'm with you OP, but then a baby grizzling/crying for a couple of minutes never bothered me and I don't actually think it harms them for a couple of minutes. People do seem to be very worried about their children crying in general, quite often crying is just the baby's way saying 'Oi where did you go?' not ' OMG I am bereft without you and I need a life time's therapy to get over it!'

Alconleigh Fri 25-Jan-13 22:47:03

But we toilet alone, surely to god? What did all our 70s mothers do? Cos it wasn't having us in there. But we're not all in therapy. Are we?

Scheherezade Fri 25-Jan-13 22:47:24

You haven't met my DS, valium.

Snog Fri 25-Jan-13 22:48:47

What is "cry to the point of committing"!!!??
If your baby did this unless you let him pull off your specs and destroy them would you just go with it? And have your specs trashed?
Nobody indulges their child's every whim as one of you has to be an adult in the relationship.
Not taking your kid to the loo isn't child abuse
I don't care what you do as long as you don't moan about this like a helpless martyr

KhallDrogo Fri 25-Jan-13 22:49:19

Oh monster my cat too!

She scratches at the door if its closed. If its open she will come and watch me. She waits for me to get out of the shower and licks the water of my feet. Freak!

5madthings Fri 25-Jan-13 22:52:56

Crying to the point of vommiting autocorrect. And so no I didn't leave him. As I said he is now 13 and a very independent teen.

Some babies can be left, ds2 would play happily under the baby gym, ds3 was fussy, needed to be held and jiggled. Ds4 very chilled and would lie/sit happily and be left. Did varied.

A baby whining, whinging, crying a little is one thing but I won't leave them if properly crying or as in ds1's case he would get to the point of vommiting within a minute.

plus3 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:53:04

We only have the 1 bathroom....mornings are busy.
Our next place will have 2 loos.

5madthings Fri 25-Jan-13 22:53:55

Dd varied, not did... Need to disable bloody auto correct on nexus!

BikeRunSki Fri 25-Jan-13 22:55:05

My 1 yo follows me, she bangs on the door and wails. If i don't let her in, she gets her 4 yo to open the door. She comes and sits on DS's old potty seat. Yesterday they were taking photos too. shock angry

mummybare Fri 25-Jan-13 22:57:21

...some people have partners who use the toilet whilst they are in the bath

I just sicked in my mouth a little bit.

5madthings Fri 25-Jan-13 23:01:07

And comparing a baby going to the toilet with you to them playing with a cleaver or breaking glasses is stupid.

One will hurt them, the other damages something, neither are good things to allow a baby to do. Taking them to the toilet with you doesn't hurt anyone or cause damage to something.

My children certainly don't get their own way all the timne, I am actually pretty strict tbh, very clear boundaries on what is acceptable behavior but with babies and toddlers its about picking your battles, time this one wasnt worth the bother and certainly hasn't meant that they grow up to be little brats that get their own way all the time.

PickledInAPearTree Fri 25-Jan-13 23:01:53

who saying about therapy? It's not a big deal to me - ds likes the room it's full of stuff, he's not allowed in alone. I either take a shit alone and he cries because he is pissed off or inlet him in depending on my mood.

the seventies argument is daft. just because things happened or didn't happen in the seventies doesn't mean we do it forever.

my mother gave me sugared tea in a bottle whilst wearing flares.

newbielisa Sat 26-Jan-13 00:44:55

On another note, isn't defecate a horrible word.

StuntGirl Sat 26-Jan-13 01:18:19

This thread bewilders me too. I had no idea this was a thing.

TheMaskedHorror Sat 26-Jan-13 01:34:28

I'm bewildered too. I just used to plonk mine in their cots when I went.
If they cried, they cried. Wasn't a big deal to me as it was only a short time/

ToysRLuv Sat 26-Jan-13 01:37:23

I think the choices people make around this can be put down to child personality (how clingy and/or destructive they are when left alone) and parent personality (more or less bothered by crying and/or potential damage to house/child by being left alone, more or less bothered by toileting alone).

To me toileting alone is not really important (although would not be entirely happy for strangers to see me on the loo). It's not some horrible secret to harbour. We all have bodily functions! DS can come in when I'm in the toilet (he did almost always when younger - he followed me everywhere), but the mostly doesn't now (he's 3.3). I still leave the door ajar. I'm trying to remind DH to leave the door unlocked so that DS can come in with him if he wants, as well, so that he doesn't think that only women go to the loo. Or that men going to the loo is somehow more of a disgusting secret grin

DS not potty trained yet, as he's just not interested. I'd actually LIKE for him to come in with me more often so we can chat about pees and poos to try and get him interested in it! grin If I was to shower when he's up, he'd want to get in with me, which is fine, as well, but will take longer. So, if I'm not in the mood for a long shower, I will save it for when DS is in bed.

But then again, I'm Northern European. You can put this "being relaxed about body issues"- business all down to that, if you wish to see it as abnormal.. Although I'm half Southern European, as well. So maybe not!

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 26-Jan-13 01:41:59

Maybe that's the difference Masked. I never plonked my DS in a cot.

We had a downstairs loo, so when he was immobile I left him where he was.

He was always happy enough.
I grew complacent.
He became mobile.
He followed me to the toilet.

CheerfulYank Sat 26-Jan-13 03:20:43

YANBU. If someone wants to use the toilet alone, there is always a way. I've always used it alone; when DS was small I'd put him in his swing or whatever and when he was older I'd lock the door. He's 5 now and will knock. If he needs something, sometimes I'll let him come in, otherwise I'll tell him to give me a minute. Depends on my mood. smile

I've never been particularly bothered by his tears though. Well, his crying out of pain or fear devastates me of course! But tears because he doesn't always get what he wants don't affect me.

YABU to care what other people do, though. If someone is genuinely worried about safety or doesn't mind an audience, it's no skin off my nose.

Scheherazade my hat's off to you. I had mild pnd and that was terrible enough! I'm so glad you're enjoying your little guy. smile

5Mad I hate the nexus autocorrect too! Soooo sensitive!

I just went to the loo with an audience of four cats, a toddler and DP who decided to discuss weekend plans. Boundaries? Never heard of them.

NearMissAgain Sat 26-Jan-13 03:50:07

I have never let them in the toilet with me. What's the problem if they scream for a few minutes? There's nothing wrong with them, they're just annoyed because they're not getting their way. Tough cheese kid. Now they're older they might forget the rule and knock to ask something random, then they get the reminder "we do not talk through doors, you can wait until I come out." They're learning wink.

I really don't get how people can say they are not "allowed" to go alone - who is the parent?! What else will they let their toddler dictate to them about?

CailinDana Sat 26-Jan-13 05:41:01

Our loo is upstairs and ds isn't allowed up on his own so he can't follow me. Besides it's not typical or polite to follow someone to the loo so he's been taught from a young age that if someone says "I'm going to the toilet" you leave them alone. Screaming at someone for needing a minute to pee alone is not behaviour i would tolerate from anyone over the age of 2 (barring sn). It's rude and unnecessarily demanding and letting a child behave like that doesn't make sense to me. Ds has known from about 18 months that i will leave now and again for the toilet and there's no point screaming.

curiousuze Sat 26-Jan-13 06:53:45

Fucking hell. I've a 7 week old and I had no idea I was meant to breastfeed him while taking a shit. The more you know!

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 07:57:50

why is it a hygiene issue to hold a baby while you're on the toilet? I know washing your hands and wiping etc might require them being put down - but not while you're just sitting there surely?

This thread has reminded me that ds1 used to get very panicky when I went in the loo with the door shut. He used to kick the door. He was about 3. sad

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 08:00:32

fwiw my 3wk old gets upset a lot- he isn't just cross, he's afraid, or in discomfort and if I put him down he usually cries. I feel better when he is not crying so I take him with me. It's not like it's more comfortable to leave him crying - that's an awful racket to bear and makes me worried about him, that he'll vomit, choke etc. I'm not being a martyr. To leave him crying would be worse.

MrsWolowitzerables Sat 26-Jan-13 08:25:59

Snog are you aware that your posts are passive aggressive, judgey and patronising?

So you have one 13 year old child yes? At one stage I had 3 under 2yo and it was and often still is bedlam. Do I get to shit in peace? Rarely. Do I moan about it? No. Do I make a joke about "I love my work eaglets, at least I get to go to the loo alone"? Yes. Is it serious? No.

It may shock you to learn that not everyone is the same and even <whispers> people make lighthearted jokes about motherhood. Shocking I know.

<hands OP a grip>

Sheh your story is very moving.. I'm so glad you're feeling much better thanks

MrsWolowitzerables Sat 26-Jan-13 08:27:10

*Eaglets = days. Most random autocorrect ever!

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 08:29:45

Eaglets grin brilliant.

MrsWolowitzerables Sat 26-Jan-13 08:31:47

grin

HecateWhoopass Sat 26-Jan-13 08:38:57

Well of course people CAN. Let there not be confusion between cannot and choose not to.

I cannot sprout wings and fly
I choose to not eat sprouts
grin

You can, should you wish to, go in, lock the door, and just do it. This may mean that the child screams their head off. But that does not mean that going to the loo alone is a physical impossibility! It just means they'll cry. You can still choose to do it.

But you are taking people literally when they say they can't.

They don't mean that it is impossible as in physically cannot be done. They simply mean that it's easier to let them in, rather than have them screaming. Or that they can't go in peace because the child is banging on the door!

They mean they can't do it - and here's the unspoken bit - without it being a really big deal to the child and so it's just easier to let them come in cos they don't want to have to deal with the banging or screaming.

I am not trying to be a cow or anything, but it's not difficult to understand what people actually mean when they say they 'can't'.

Diddydollydo Sat 26-Jan-13 08:56:29

I want a work eaglet! smile

HeyJo Sat 26-Jan-13 08:57:43

Hecate, you're right. I choose not to. Having my toddler see me having a crap was much more preferable to all the crying (and potential destruction!). For what it's worth, he's never had an issue with constipation so it's all turned out nicely.

Diddydollydo Sat 26-Jan-13 09:01:45

Oh and I had no idea people got 'bewildered' by such insignificant stuff. I don't give a shite if other people's children accompany them to the toilet or not, or if they moan about it. I certainly don't feel bewildered by it.

KitCat26 Sat 26-Jan-13 09:04:09

There is a lock on the door, I mainly choose not to use it. Mine are 2 and 3.

BambieO Sat 26-Jan-13 09:04:10

I have to agree with snog blush

I think it's choice rather than necessity no matter how other posters dress it up saying their baby cries. All babies cry, it doesn't harm them for a short time it takes to go to the bathroom.

I understand posters who don't mind and don't moan but I was told 'you literally cannot do anything when you have a baby' I was quite anxious about this. I was delighted when I found that not to be the case.

I think good for you on the people who close to have their children in the toilet and also good for you on those who don't. It really is each to their own.

I think there are others on here besides snog as some posters are implying, who are trying to over justify their decision with tales of woe and hardship and 'ill do what's right for my baby'.

Snog wasn't saying not to do what's right for your baby she was merely pointing out a true fact that it's not impossible to go alone so why do people moan? (Besides the people moaning in jest!)

Some people seriously believe they physically cannot go alone and their poor dc will spontaneously combust if they are away going to the toilet for even one minute. This is definitely choice and either way as long as you and your children are happy who cares!

Just don't moan when you can change it if you don't like it!

BambieO Sat 26-Jan-13 09:05:33

*choose not close blush

MrsWolowitzerables Sat 26-Jan-13 09:20:02
Bunbaker Sat 26-Jan-13 09:49:31

"Are you saying I'm not allowed to hold him while I go to the loo?"

You actually sit on the toilet with your baby in your arms!!! shock

Well I've heard it all now. Does your baby never sleep during the day?

I must admit that I had no idea that going to the loo was such a spectator sport. I used to put DD into her cot or playpen and when she was older it wasn't a problem to leave her in front of the TV for a couple of minutes.

I guess I was lucky that she didn't have a problem with me going. She probably did come in with me once or twice, but as she is now 12 I can't really remember. When out in public I always brought her in with me as I didn't feel comfortable leaving her to wander around public toilets on her own.

madlibscientist Sat 26-Jan-13 09:52:03

I never thought it was a huge deal if mine followed me into the loo...I suppose I just figured it was the norm, and I never minded. I have always been one of those people who goes with the door open if it's only me or my little family around, anyway. DCs are 6 and 5 now, and rarely come in, even with the door open.
It's the showering I could never understand...I always had a shower, even with newborns. Surely if you have a DP, watching babies while the mum showers is what they exist for? grin

Bunbaker Sat 26-Jan-13 10:09:09

"It's the showering I could never understand"

Same here. I always bathed or showered in the evening when DD was asleep.

HeyJo Sat 26-Jan-13 10:52:22

Bunbaker - You haven't heard it all. I once vomited into the toilet whilst holding my baby when I had the norovirus. (tmi?!)

Bunbaker Sat 26-Jan-13 10:55:48

OK. You win

thebitchdoctor Sat 26-Jan-13 11:18:20

I let my DD (18 months) follow me if she wants (she doesnt always) and we discuss what I'm doing at the time. She think it's funny and I think normalising the trip to the bathroom will help when we come to potty training her.

nickelbabe Sat 26-Jan-13 11:26:49

I shower in the morning when I get up.

If DD is still asleep, i shower alone.
if DD is awake, she is grumpy and crotchetty, so I carry her into the bathroom and sit her on the floor with food while i shower.
she can see me and i can shower. no biggy.

GirlOutNumbered Sat 26-Jan-13 11:29:23

I have two kids. 2.5 years and 20 weeks. I have never not showered in the morning. Ds1 plays with toys or iPad while ds2 sits in his chair. Ds2 may fuss a bit, but he's okay.

It's part of their routine now, so they just fete used to it.

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 11:34:32

Bambie, yes, but the crucial point you're missing is that I don't moan about it.

I might joke about it with other people in a similar situation but I haven't moaned about it.

So really, what is the problem?

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 11:36:31

'You actually sit on the toilet with your baby in your arms!!!

Well I've heard it all now. Does your baby never sleep during the day?'

Oh yes occasionally. Very occasionally. And your point is? That I should go to the loo only when he is asleep - not when I actually need to?

Okay... or is your point that I have a substandard baby? Or I'm lying about how often he sleeps?

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 11:38:41

I admit I will have trouble if and when I next try and have a shower or bath.

It'll have to take no more than about 3 minutes. I did have one bath holding ds but it's quite tricky when you have to get out, and also the water has to be cold.

That's a moan. At least on the loo you can hold them. I would kill for a nice long hot bath.

Bunbaker Sat 26-Jan-13 11:43:11

"I would kill for a nice long hot bath"

When DD was tiny and cluster feeding all evening I missed my baths a lot so you have my sympathy. Is there anyone else who can look after your baby at weekends so that you can enjoy a bath?

If your baby needs to be held all the time why don't you get a sling?

SolomanDaisy Sat 26-Jan-13 11:46:42

BambieO, it's a choice in the sense that not everyone agrees that it doesn't hurt babies to cry.

RooneyMara you could try showering with the baby. My DS never liked it, but lots of people I know did it!

Summerblaze Sat 26-Jan-13 11:46:44

Do you seriously never put your baby down...Rooneymara. When they are 3 weeks old they are asleep loads...no?

SolomanDaisy Sat 26-Jan-13 11:50:42

Lots of 3 week olds only sleep when held, that's pretty normal! I am amazed that people don't seem to recognise that babies are all different and people also have different views on ways to treat them.

ceeveebee Sat 26-Jan-13 11:52:17

This thread is a revaluation to me. It would never even occur to me to take a baby into the shower or toilet. Especially not when they can't even move yet! I wonder - are "Velcro" babies born that way or is it down to parenting?

Bunbaker Sat 26-Jan-13 11:52:43

I remember holding DD a lot at 3 weeks, but I used to pop her in the pram when she slept. It was easier because it was summer so I could go out with the pram and the movement used to send her to sleep. Not easy at the moment with 6 inches of snow outside.

GirlOutNumbered Sat 26-Jan-13 11:53:25

I don't think that's normal?! Is it? My two slept in there cots, as that's where I kept putting them.

MrsDeVere Sat 26-Jan-13 11:54:03

When I had DD I found it hard to have a shower, go to the loo and I used to put my makeup on with her on my knee shock

She was my first baby.

So when I am tempted to go all hmm with new mothers who can't go for a pee if their baby cries....

I just try and think back 21 years and 5 kids ago.

<polishes Reasonable & Wise award>

grin

MrsDeVere Sat 26-Jan-13 11:55:09

Even with DC5 I didn't put him down for a few weeks.
He was fine.
I just didnt want to put him down.
Mind you, my children are specially gorgeous grin

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 11:56:07

Thanks for the suggestions. There's no one else to take him, I'm a single parent. I will wait till he's a bit older, it'll pass and I'll get my bath smile

I'd be scared of holding him in the shower, in case I slipped and also I can't imagine how you'd get washed while holding a baby? Or wash your hair?

Bunbaker, I have got a sling - three in fact, he's in one now, but often when he is really unhappy he refuses to go in it without screaming - so sometimes it is a wondrous help, sometimes no help at all!

Thanks though. He does seem to sleep in the pram sometimes, cries a lot in the car, well it's early days.

Summerblaze, this baby doesn't sleep much. My last one did. They're not all the same you know!

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 11:58:23

Ceeveebee - he's been like this since he was born, always looked worried when I put him down, I'm wondering if he might have reflux issues or something...my last barely cried till he was about 6 months old. Very contented.

I'm wondering what you think I might have done in terms of parenting to turn him this way in 3 weeks and 2 days!!! smile

MrsDV - grin at gorgeous babies!

The toddler (3) follows me to the toilet. He likes to see what I have done confused

I get a clap and I am told I am a big boy. It wouldn't surprise if he starts holding up paper with a score on it soon grin

My mum cant go to the toilet alone. I even talk to her blush

defineme Sat 26-Jan-13 12:01:14

I had 3 under 3 at one point (2nd baby was twins)as a sahm and the only time I didn't get to loo on own was when twins very tiny and I wasn't absolutely sure 2 yrold ds1 (un dx autistic at that point) wouldn't smother them. However, he was fine and I always left them. I breastfed too. I also managed to read a lot of books and watch tv in my years at home.

But...not all babies are the same and not all parents are the same.

My babies had huge naps until they were 4.
I can wait hours for a wee if necessary.
My babies were, on the whole, happy to be left.
Parents of twins have to get used to a bit more crying than average(double the noise?), especially if they have siblings to attend to as well: so I think I was hardened to crying.
I am happy to let chaos reign around me and read a book for 10 minutes-I can literally ignore all noise if I need some head space.

All of these things mean't I could go to the loo/shower and so on.
Would never judge those who couldn't because I'm blessed in many ways and have lower standards in others.

YABU

SolomanDaisy Sat 26-Jan-13 12:03:41

girloutnumbered that's normal too. There's a very wide range of normal!

rooneymara, I'm not in the UK and here the midwives show people how to shower with the baby. DS wasn't born here, so I didn't get the lesson and never worked it out! I think there might be instruction videos on youtube.

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 12:05:55

Wow really? Cool smile

I bet he would cry though. He blimming cries at everything. likes him really

Summerblaze Sat 26-Jan-13 12:06:55

But he must sleep at some point. Of all the babies I have been around, none of them have needed to be carried around at all times. Some have been clingy, whingy, bad sleepers.

I really am amazed and like ceeveebee said, is this the babies or parenting. I suppose if you can't stand your baby crying for a second then you will have to carry them around.

5madthings Sat 26-Jan-13 12:09:45

Not all babies sleep lots, ds1 never did. As I said if I put him down he would scream to the point of vommiting, he did this up to about 9/10 maths old. He cried he puked, he coughed too much he puked. He didn't sleep much and needed entertaining but we did baby signs but he then learn to talk before he was one as and was out of nappies and talking in sentences before 18mths, he was a big boy so people thought he was 3yrs plus when hge was 18mths. He was hard work as a baby but from 12mthsonwards was a delight, he is now 13 and has lovely moments.

My next four have never been quite as hard work newborns but all had their moments.

Apart from ds4 actually who has always been a chilled baby and slept brilliantly. I imagine had I had him first I could have been a smug 'just put them down/babies sleep all the time etc' type parent.

But he was no 4 And i just realized had got lucky that he had a more laid back personality.he has more than made up for the easy going early days now tho! He was quite a trying toddler and is now 4 and a delight but has his moments!

All babies are different, all parents are different.I don't care what others do particularly, just don't see the need to be smug and judgemental to other parents.

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 12:10:10

Of course he sleeps sometimes. It's very unpredictable when, and in terms of how long he does it for, it's rarely more than say half an hour before I have to pick him up again.

if you're determined to judge me and convince yourself that it's because I cannot bear to hear him cry for one second, then there's not much I can say really is there. FGS.

ceeveebee Sat 26-Jan-13 12:11:27

Rooney I didn't mean at three weeks. I mean when people complain at not being able to leave older babies/toddlers - is that due them never being left alone even for one minute for their whole lives?

I suppose with my twins, as defineme says, they just get used to being left sometimes. And have each other for company. So in a way it's easier (until they start fighting!)

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 12:16:16

Thanks Ceeveebee, yes I get what you mean.

I don't know the answer. I always went to ds2 straight away before he cried, usually, and just fed him = happy baby, back to sleep etc. Now he's older I leave him sometimes, he's incredibly secure, very confident, things that worry ds1 just wash over ds2. I don't think I've caused any insecurity by just going to him at every little wriggle/sound. I think he's just a confident child for whatever reason - maybe born that way, maybe I helped.

I do go to ds3 when he cries. Of course I do, he's clearly struggling, and I want to help or at least be there while he deals with whatever pain or upset he's feeling. I have a feeling ds1 was quite clingy as well but not this bad - he's not confident, he gets very worried and panics about various things. He's 9 now.

So it's a mystery. I certainly haven't coddled or fussed any of them - I've not had the time or energy to! And I don't treat them like precious little things who need protecting from the horrid world...just instinctively as my babies, who are precious, but no more than any other baby. and I am quite a stroppy mum to the older ones!

5madthings Sat 26-Jan-13 12:20:18

Some babies/toddlers suffer really badly with separation anxiety, a normal developmental phase, my dd went through this and at 2 yes is fine but often if I go off to do something she will call 'mummy where you' and then come looking, she will find me, say hello and then wander off again.

Ds2 and ds3 were both very happy to go off exploring but for a while kept me in their line of vision. At toddler groups they would crawl off then I would see therm stop and sit up and scan the room until they saw me, then they would smile and then continue with their exploring. Occasionally coming back for a cuddle or feed etc.

Ds4 was more about independent and so is did she goes off and gets on with her own thing.

But my elder ones are 13, 10 and 8 and all fine now. Can be left alone in the house, elder two can go off to town. Ds1 goes off to the city, to the cinema, blazer quest, gets buses/trains etc on his own and ds2 is gradually doing more in preparation for high school.

Their needs as babies and how responded to them has not led them to become dependent or incapable or spoilt.

frasersmummy Sat 26-Jan-13 12:29:55

ds always just wandered in when he was a toddler

I remember being in the local zoo .. went to the loo ... ds wandered into the ladies .. with dh hovering at the door saying come back here with me

There was a considerable gap under the door which ds wriggled under just to be with me .. to lots of gigles from ladies in the queue and acute embarassment of dh

OvO Sat 26-Jan-13 12:38:01

Mine are 8 and 5 and still follow me! grin I don't think they even realise they're doing it. They see I'm not in the room and end up upstairs somehow, asking what I'm doing.

Mine were easy babies so easy to go then but once walking there was no escape. If I did lock the door little fingers would poke under and wave while little giggles floated under the door. It never bothered me if they came in so mostly the door was unlocked.

If I'd had a crier I can see how you'd not want to leave them while you pee. Surely less stress to just plonk them on the bathroom floor rather than trying to pee at the speed of light!

Smudging Sat 26-Jan-13 12:59:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShephardsDelight Sat 26-Jan-13 14:34:41

Wait until your toddler walks in on you 'changing' and asks loudly if you have pooed!!!

I did that to my mother loudly in a shopping toilet when I was young , cruel irony!

BambieO Sat 26-Jan-13 17:37:45

Rooneymara you definitely don't have substandard parenting or baby! Please don't take this thread to heart, if you like your baby to be with you then that's lovely thanks

I was just trying to say (in a clumsy way!) that all babies and parents are different and each to their own! I don't judge because I wouldn't like others to judge me.

While I am happy for my baby to have a whinge there is a real clear distinction between his whinge and his 'cry' so I am happy to wee in peace whereas if I was in the bath and he cried I would be there like a shot so I don't blame you.

It sounds like you have had a hard time of it and I did say to my DH just yesterday (not to be patronising more in amazement and in awe) that I really don't know how people with no help such as a partner don't tear their hair out sometimes! Can you tell DS was having a whinge day grin

Keep doing what works for you, you can be smug in a year or two when your DC are fully potty trained and all of us 'wee in peacers' have babies who try and wee in the plant pots hahaha

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 17:51:53

Oh Bambie that is so nice of you...don't worry, I am overtired and oversensitive at the moment, I take everything personally! I know you didn't mean anything by it x

Sabriel Sat 26-Jan-13 18:09:57

I was in the toilet last week and this little arm came under the door. I was quite shock to see it belonged to the cat

thekidsrule Sat 26-Jan-13 18:17:33

havent the time to read all

but agree with the op

and also the ones that cant possibly manage to clean the house with a baby or toddler there and need a cleaner

and ive heard this many a time on here,dear god

determinedma Sat 26-Jan-13 18:21:26

Babies, just possibly, but an 8 and 5 year old would be given a firm no and be told to wait in our house. Each to their own, I suppose, but I enjoy my privacy and expect it to be respected

rednellie Sat 26-Jan-13 18:40:57

I found myself having a moan to my DM about not being able to go to the loo in peace, whilst following her into the toilet.

I'm 33 she's 70. blush grin

rednellie Sat 26-Jan-13 18:42:19

And fwiw, I do go to the loo on my own fine, but I enjoy my toilet trips at work so much more...

BambieO Sun 27-Jan-13 11:43:09

rooneymara I bet you are, it's a tough old ride this parenting business but as we all agree its most definitely worth the work! I hope that you get some rest and some support soon, even the best mothers (and I am sure you are one of them) need a break sometimes! Even just to have a nice bath like you say or even indulge a little wine wink

Good luck and keep going, sounds like you are doing fabulously

Idocrazythings Sun 27-Jan-13 13:37:38

YABU. Depends on the child really- dd1 I probably could stay on the toilet for an hour and they'd be no problem. Dd2 and ds1 I wouldn't turn my back on them for A MINUTE let alone leave them unsupervised whilst I wee'd who knows what trouble they'd get into.

loofet Sun 27-Jan-13 14:53:59

Its easy if you have young kids and live in a house. Stair gate means they cannot follow you up (unless you have downstairs loo I guess). But if kids are old enough to be able to safely walk upstairs alone then I see their point. I do recall my brother and I always 'needed' our mum as soon as she went to the loo, and one of always needed the loo when she was in the bath lol. Must be a tad annoying.

My DC are all under 3 so can't follow me up yet, however they do all decide that is the time to shout/scream/push other one over so they cry so I have to literally push my wee out as quick as poss.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Sun 27-Jan-13 15:01:50

I prefer to go to the loo with company. If I don't take said company with my I have to ensure all doors and windows are shut and locked and the keys removed. It's actually easier and safer to take dc with me.

My ds (2.7) usually passes me some loo roll and attempts to wipe me bum I then turn into crazy shouty mummy blush

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 27-Jan-13 19:16:03

loofet how about getting a playpen for each DC? <helpful> <not entirely joking>

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