Is this fair or are school BU?

(89 Posts)
M0naLisa Fri 25-Jan-13 08:30:35

At the end of each term 'good' children in school get to attend something called a 'no stage' party.

In each class there is a happy face and a sad face on the whiteboards.

Children who have been naughty go on sad face
Children who are good and do things extra special like helping with tidying and been friendly get to go on happy face.

Those children during the term that have been on sad face are denied an invitation to the no stage party. They have to sit in class and do work.

My 4yr old was put on sad face on Monday for talking when teacher was talking.

Now he's upset that he won't be able to go to the party that his friends and brother will be going to.

Is this being harsh for 4yr olds? Or reasonable?


valiumredhead Fri 25-Jan-13 08:33:17

It's pretty standard ime - ds's school do it with traffic lights - green if you are good, amber if you get a warning and go onto red and you miss out on golden time on a Friday.

What did your DS do to be out in the sad face board?

rollmopses Fri 25-Jan-13 08:35:14

Children have to learn discipline and the important principle that actions always have consequences. Also, that if you want to 'win', ie, go to the party, you must work hard (at being well behaved, study hard etc).
The sooner they grasp the concept the better for them in the long run.
The school are not being unreasonable.

valiumredhead Fri 25-Jan-13 08:35:46

It says in the OP scented grin

RingoBaa Fri 25-Jan-13 08:36:06

I think that is way too harsh for a 4 year old.

Sirzy Fri 25-Jan-13 08:36:30

I think a term is quite a long time for a 4 year old to have perfect behaviour so unless the teachers very rarely put anyone onto the sad face I think it would be better as a weekly thing than termly, or with a "if your on less than 5 times a term" type system.

however, I have no problem with things like this if the school find it works. My only issue would be if a child had some sort of behavioural difficulties they would need to be realistic in what they could achieve before putting them onto the sad face (if that makes sense) so they didn't always miss out.

HKat Fri 25-Jan-13 08:36:51

I don't necessarily think it's that bad if thessystem is done week by week, like valium's seems to be, but it seems quite harsh to miss out on one off end of term party just for being on the sad face board only once...unless I've misunderstood that of course!

oscarwilde Fri 25-Jan-13 08:38:05

Can't be too many children at the happy party!
Provided its clear to your DC what "good" is, and its not down to the mood of the teacher on the day then I would say that you are BU. He's in school and they need to use all the incentives they can get to maintain discipline. I'm surprised they don't allow children to earn back a good status though. It's not particularly motivational if you know you are barred early on in the term.

valiumredhead Fri 25-Jan-13 08:38:57

I didn't realise it was the end of term party - nope, don't think that is fair and too long a wait for small children. That is something ds would have got very anxious about.

M0naLisa Fri 25-Jan-13 08:43:04

Yes it's once and they miss out on the party. I think it should also be on a week by week basis or if they have been on sad face more than once - so like 3 time or something.

There are children in ds2 class who's names are on the sad face daily unfortunately.

M0naLisa Fri 25-Jan-13 08:43:27

Yes he was talking when teacher was talking whilst sat on the carpet

landofsoapandglory Fri 25-Jan-13 08:43:33

A term is too long for a primary school aged child IMO.

Saying that though, I doubt it was the first time your DS had been talking whilst the teacher was talking, and I should imagine he had been warned before he was given a sad face.

YorkshireDeb Fri 25-Jan-13 08:44:29

It's a good reward system but IMHO a term is too long for young children to understand. We have children who would mess around for the rest of the term after going on the sad face as they'd no longer have any reason to try. If you're not happy though go to talk to the teacher & ask her to explain how the system works & what type of things lead to them being put on the sad face. X

deXavia Fri 25-Jan-13 08:45:15

Wow even some crimes get 3 strikes and you're out! He got one sad face and that's 4. Then yes actually I would say thats pretty harsh.

valiumredhead Fri 25-Jan-13 08:46:49

Yeah, what is the incentive to behave once you are on the sad face board?

Cornsyilk99 Fri 25-Jan-13 08:49:37

not fair
one strike and they're out?

nefertarii Fri 25-Jan-13 08:51:22

From what you say its just the party that he misses out on. Not the other stuff.

Seems to be the party is for the kids who are manage to go a full term without getting a sad face.

What happened last term? Did he get to go?

5madthings Fri 25-Jan-13 08:54:38

So they are naughty once and that's it no chance to redeem themselves?! That's white!

Our primary has the traffic light system, start on green and if you are on red at the end of the week then you lose a few mins of 'golden time' simple and the children can move back to orange/green etc if they are good.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 25-Jan-13 08:58:59

The happy face/sad face thing on the whiteboards is pretty standard, and it can work very well. But I don't think that it's fair to make children wait a term to have a 'punishment'. Apart from the fact that its simply too harsh for four year olds, it takes away the incentive to behave for the rest of the term.

If a child knows in week three that they are going to miss out on the party anyway, what's to stop them chatting to their friend while the teacher is talking in weeks four five and six? If they have the urge to say chat, or wriggle or whatever, then they may as well as they have no reason not to. I can't see how a system like that works the way it's intended to.

Happy face/sad face is good for minor misdemeanours, but what's the next stage up? My ds's school has a 'behaviour book' as well as the faces, and an entry into that would mean missing playtime, but the faces are just used for little things to encourage the children to manage their own behaviour. Or Is there a stage below the faces that would be better used for minor things that a class of four year olds are likely to do every day?

Greythorne Fri 25-Jan-13 09:01:02

Punishment should be within bloody living memory if the crime!

Talking on the carpet on Jan 24th should not be punished on February 20th (or whenever end of term is).

Only one chance per term seems a bit harsh. As others have said, it's a long time for any child to behave, and what's the incentive to be good once you're on the naughty list.

Most schools work on a weekly basis, I think, which seems more fair.

WorraLiberty Fri 25-Jan-13 09:02:47

A one strike system for 4yr olds sounds very harsh...are you sure you understand it properly?

Who explained it to you? The teacher or your DCs?

Kleinzeit Fri 25-Jan-13 09:03:23

Wrong scale - a whole term and never on sad face? So if you get on the sad face in week 1 that’s you for the rest of the term? I don’t know though… maybe it rewards the very quiet well behaved ones who don’t make an impression otherwise, in which case as long as they have other reward schemes for the more – er – noticeable – kids, it might be OK.

But putting sad faces up where other kids can see is never right, doubly not if you have some kids getting sad faces every day. It not strongly motivating for most of the other kids and it’s a huge demotivator for the kids who get sad faces repeatedly - well you can tell it doesn’t work for them or they wouldn’t be getting them repeatedly! It can make kids just give up on school altogether. At age 4!

ThingummyBob Fri 25-Jan-13 09:07:14

It would definitely be a very quiet party in my ds's school if they used this system grin

Mine lose weekly golden time for bad behaviour.

nefertarii Fri 25-Jan-13 09:10:36

In dds school its merits there are weekly rewards and a term award for those at the top.

wonderingsoul Fri 25-Jan-13 09:14:07

I think its a piss pour sustem tbh.

I doubt there will be many children at the party! it also doesnt do any thing for their morale, or incentive to be good.

ds1 school have a rainbow where every day the children start of, nif theve been good, done really good work they move to the sun. if theve been naughty they move to the cloud, but they can move from the cloud to the sun or rainbow again if they turn it around. the next day its all reset again. its on the wall so they can see, I think that is far mar positive.

they also reward good behaviour by cards once you fillba red1 card you get a mention and certificate in asembly and little statornairy peice.. so a pencil. then you move on to red 2... where you may get a ruller.

your sytem doesnt really soound all that positive to me and I can see why they would just give up trying.esp at that age. ynbu.nits to harsh.

wonderingsoul Fri 25-Jan-13 09:17:39

also if your on the cloud you mis a few minutes of play.
they would never punish so far in advance unless it was saying no to a trip due to poor behaviour but even then they would allow for behaviourvto redeem themselfs to go.b

That's far far too harsh!!! They won't even remember what they have done by then.

threesocksmorgan Fri 25-Jan-13 09:22:34

a term is way to long
sorry had to do a man with hat

boredSAHMof4 Fri 25-Jan-13 09:29:47

Are you sure that's how the system works.Are you taking the word of a 4 yr old? For starters, wtf does 'no stage' mean?

SaraBellumHertz Fri 25-Jan-13 09:31:30

Term is too long but week by week seems reasonable.

Do they actually have any children who don't make the sad face for an entire term?

ReallyTired Fri 25-Jan-13 09:50:46

I think you should ask the teacher how the system works. It does seem a bit -- unbelivable-- dragonion to make a four year old miss a party for talking on the carpet once.

If this party is a reward then prehaps it is fair for a child who is always badly behaved not to go. However it should not come as shock to the child or parents. There needs to be a chance to improve.

The special school used to work at had a system of rewards and punishments. Children gained points for good behaviour and lost points for poor behaviour. They started off the term with 200 points and needed 250 to take part in rewards day. Many of the children had a mental age of four and the system worked well. The children knew what sort of behaviour gained points (ie. working well in lessons, being kind and helpful) and what lost points (ie. being violent, swearing, walking out of lessons)

However a system where a young child's name is put on the naughty cloud and there is no way of getting points back does not encourage good behaviour. I find it unbelievable that this is really the case. If your son is peristantly distruptive then surely you should have been told.

mumzy Fri 25-Jan-13 10:00:37

My dcs school does this for each table so the whole table has to be well behaved for them to attend the end of term party. Ds2 was in tears at the end of last term as some on his table are never well behaved so their table never gets to go. I hate the system and will have it out with the teacher if I'm faced with having to deal with a sobbing child again.

manicinsomniac Fri 25-Jan-13 10:08:54

Very very harsh. My main problem with it would be the loss of incentive if you lose your chance so early in the term.

But I think all these systems are twee and ridiculous. I tell children off when they are naughty and praise them when they are good. No frills. Seems to work.

HecateWhoopass Fri 25-Jan-13 10:14:06

That is utterly ridiculous.

No chance to 'redeem' yourself?

Make one mistake and you may as well do what you like because there's no coming back from it hmm

I think you should go into the school and ask them about this.

My children's primary schools all had systems along these lines - but good behaviour would get you off the sad face list.

So if you did something wrong, you could then, I dunno, help out the teacher and be recognised for it.

I cannot stress how bad a message it is to a child that one naughty act means you're done, and there's no way to earn it back.

I hate the sad face thing, one teacher used it in ds's infant school with the 4 year olds. What's wrong with just telling them off and having a punishment there and then?

It can't be very nice for such little children to be stuck on the sad face board where everyone can see they've misbehaved.

In this case they now have no insentive to try and be good.

Cherriesarelovely Fri 25-Jan-13 10:16:51

That's grim. It is overly punative especially for 4 year old. It is not like Golden Time which, if used properly means everybody starts off with 30 mins on a monday and can lose up to half of it by Friday. At my school we don't even do that for the Year R children, it is too long to wait. They have a time out straight after the incident. Not being invited to an end of term party because, being 4, you talked over the teacher.....absolutely ridiculous and horrible.

MidniteScribbler Fri 25-Jan-13 10:20:47

I don't agree with the system, a term is far too long for children that young, and there's no incentive for students to behave once they get on the "sad face".

I refuse to do any form of reward/punishment system where students names are on public display. For one thing, the children that have behavioural challenges (some with special needs) are going to end up on the "naughty" list regularly. It can be demoralising for them. It also doesn't allow the teacher any leeway to make judgement calls about behaviour. If Little Johnny talks when the teacher is talking and ends up on the naughty list, then you have to make sure every child does too, and there's no chance to use discretion when it comes to challenging behaviours and special needs students.

I use a system where they can earn stars/crosses in their portfolios. Good behaviour is rewarded with a star, poor behaviour with a cross. This is available only to them and their parents, and allows me some flexibility to make judgement calls about when they are and aren't given, as it's never done publicly. Students are only able to access their own charts (although they do talk to each other of course!!) and it's given out on Friday afternoons to take home. There's no additional rewards for students that are better behaved, they all seem to challenge themselves to get the extra stars. It also gives me flexibility to decide where students may need a little extra encouragement or an extra push to do better.

dikkertjedap Fri 25-Jan-13 10:21:56

I doubt it is in practice as the OP says. If it was really over a whole month and one strike and you are out, probably only 1 or 2 children per class would be at the party.

Pixieonthemoor Fri 25-Jan-13 10:23:39

In common with most posters here, I think the system is reasonable but to implement over the course of a whole term is way too harsh for 4 year olds. Over the course of a week would be fine but I am staggered that there is a single child at the end of term party frankly! Can they redeem the sad face by subsequent good face behaviour?

TheCarefulLaundress Fri 25-Jan-13 10:28:16

All of these systems are wrong and ineffectual.

It doesn't take into account the reasons why a child may be "misbehaving". It also teaches children how to play the system.

I would talk to your son's teacher and if this system is in place and they won't rethink it - which they really should - then plan a lovely treat for DS and give him the last day of term off.

M0naLisa Fri 25-Jan-13 12:14:43

DS had been given a warning beforehand and carried on talking so yes we have told him it was right for the teacher to put him on the sad face as he wasnt listening to her.

The 'no stage' party was introduced back end of last year and a letter was sent out in November explaining that all children whos name appears on
'Sad Face' once per term will miss out on Golden Time and the end of term 'No Stage Party' (have no idea what no stage means)

At Christmas both DS' went as they had both been good during that term.

There are children who are on it daily but these children are put on it for smacking, kicking, biting, etc etc pupils and staff.

Im going to speak to his teacher today and find out if there is any way he can redeem himself, because on Wednesday he was on Happy Face so had been good and had received 2 hour points for good work. (another system they have brought in recently)

RillaBlythe Fri 25-Jan-13 12:18:09

Blimey, I'd understand this system as a weekly one, but my reception dd would have long forgotten about her crime in mid Jan by the time the party in March came around.

M0naLisa Fri 25-Jan-13 12:19:52

Well thats it by the time Feb half term comes and DS2 is been held back from the party hes going to wonder why and get so upset.

DeWe Fri 25-Jan-13 12:37:00

How many children manage to get to that party?

Term is way too long.

MidniteScribbler Fri 25-Jan-13 12:40:40

Good grief, how many systems does this teacher need? Sounds like an ineffective educator if she can't manage bahviour without bribery.

MarianForrester Fri 25-Jan-13 12:43:26

I think that is a rubbish system for four year olds.

Apart from anything else, once you are on the "bad child" list and no party, well, you might as well play up for the rest of term!

lougle Fri 25-Jan-13 13:03:47

DD2's school has a 'lunch with the headteacher' for children who have 100% attendance for the entire year. hmm

I didn't think schools were meant to incentivise absence wink

PootlePosyPerkin Fri 25-Jan-13 13:07:16

I agree with others, it would be a good idea if done on a weekly basis but termly is way too long for any age of child - let alone a 4 year old.

WingDefence Fri 25-Jan-13 13:16:33

This sounds so harsh! I'd definitely complain if I were you.

neverputasockinatoaster Fri 25-Jan-13 14:09:23

We have a traffic light system in the classroom. Children can move up and down according to behaviour.
Each week we have Golden Time and children who have been on red at the end of the day lose some Golden Time.
Every half term there is a treat for those who have lost no Golden time - extra playtime etc but then that resets itself for the next half term.

I think a whole term is too much for such a little person.

maddening Fri 25-Jan-13 14:43:16

They should have the opportunity to earn it back imo

Pandemoniaa Fri 25-Jan-13 15:13:05

It sounds ridiculously punitive and almost certainly counterproductive. If a child is going to be denied an end of term treat for one episode of bad behaviour there's absolutely no incentive to behave better. It reminds me of my first school where 2 conduct marks ruled you out of the Christmas Party. None of the boys ever made it to the party but all of them competed to get as many conduct marks as possible!

I'd take up your concerns with the school,OP. I'm sure you won't be the only person unhappy with the system.

werewolvesdidit Fri 25-Jan-13 16:50:56

Sounds to me like a school with a lot of challenging behaviour so they are coming up with desperate strategies. It is a poor system and no 4 year old of mine would be going through something like that.

fairly standard I think, but sad if just one small bad thing effects a whole term. My daughter's school has the Manners Tea once a month, where two children from each class get to go have afternoon tea with the principle and counsellor and a few others... there are cakes and biscuits and lots of praise for being so good and they are encouraged to dress up for it. Since there are only about 8 over the school year not every child gets to attend, and they good children are chosen because of something especially good they did that month. My son didn't go at all one year, but because it was just the two best that got selected each month (though not more than once) it wasn't so upsetting for him. I thought that was a good plan as it rewarded good behaviour without punishing bad and without making the child give up if they made a small error.

hackmum Fri 25-Jan-13 17:25:29

I agree with Panedmoniaa. It's not just absurdly over the top, it's counterproductive. Not only is it no incentive to behave better, but it will cause resentment in the child. Talking while the teacher is talking is such a minor transgression, particularly when you're four and getting used to the idea that you have to be still and quiet. At that age punishments, if you have to have them at all, should be instant, and then the transgression should be forgotten about, not held against you for the rest of the term. You have to ask yourself: where did the teacher get the idea that this was a sensible thing to do? Don't they learn anything about the psychology of rewards and discipline in teacher training college?

ilovesooty Fri 25-Jan-13 18:57:31

I doubt the individual teacher is responsible for the intervention. It will be a whole school policy.

DizzyZebra Fri 25-Jan-13 19:33:15

I think talking is a petty reason, and once? For primary age children? They're not robots.

Argh i am dreading my daughter going to school. I am totally going to be THAT parent who is kicking off over everything. blush

AnneTwacky Fri 25-Jan-13 19:46:32

Don't think the one strike and you miss the party would be particularly effective.

It's taking the incentive away for any kid's with challenging behaviour who I presume is who they're trying to target with this scheme. Also the punishment is too far from the behaviour for the child to make the connection at that age.

I think the happy/ sad faces are ok in themselves as is anyone currently on the sad face missing a treat, as long as the children can earn going back to the happy face with positive behaviour.

missmapp Fri 25-Jan-13 19:51:12

Id check- my school has this system, but you have to had three or more red cards (same as sad face) to miss out, so plenty of time to redeem yourself - and that is for juniors.

jamdonut Fri 25-Jan-13 20:04:44

A party is held for all children who have been green all year at our school. An orange warning card ,just once, means no "I've been green" certificate to take home at the end of term.
The orange card is only given after 2 previous verbal warnings about their behaviour.
Children who get red cards, their parents are contacted. More than 3 reds in a week means an exclusion is very likely.

There has to be some form of consequence for bad behaviour. An orange card is not the end of the world...the aim is to earn the green back. More misbehaviour means orange becomes red.

It may seem petty,not talking while the teacher is talking, but it is so important that children learn quickly that they can't do is not Behaviour for Learning. While the child is talking they have not got their mind on what they should be doing and are very likely distracting others at the same time.

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 25-Jan-13 20:06:06

At DDs school at this age they had a level system where you could move up or down, but it was fairly instant and each day started anew. I don't think there were any punishments involved either. Simply being 'moved down' seemed to be enough. Holding onto 'bad' behaviour for a term seems ridiculous and self defeating. It's not even a good policy for older children, but at four shock

M0naLisa Sat 26-Jan-13 01:46:44

At the end of every term on the last day is when the 'No Stage Parties' take place not just end of summer term.
October Half Term
Chirstmas Half Term
February Half Term
Easter Half Term
Summer Half Term

So with DS being placed on Sad Face on Monday this will reset itself when they return to school after February holidays.

I didnt manage to speak to the class teacher today because too many parents wanted to speak to her and were waiting outside, i had DS1 to collect afterwards and plus it was freezing cold (-3) so wanted to hurry up and get home. I will speak to DS2 class teacher on Monday morning and seeing about the no stage party because if he is denied an invitation to it then on that day i shall keep him off of school because it wouldnt be fair, plus he will be sat crying all day because his friends and brother (in Yr 1) would be attending.
I know he should face up to punishments to 'bad' behaviour but at 4yr old i think a punishment like this is too harsh.
We will have our own little party at home with Daddy and DS3 smile

CloudsAndTrees Sat 26-Jan-13 09:28:21

While the school are being way too harsh with their punishment for a four year old, and I very much don't agree with your son being denied the chance to go to the party just for one incident of talking, I think your idea of keeping him off school that day and having your own party is taking it far too far in the opposite direction.

Do you really want to send the message to your child that you disrespect the school rules and that he should be entitled to a day off and a party because the people who teach him are wrong?

I think that's just as bad a message to give him tbh. It will just confuse him and give him even less of an incentive to behave if you are going to over rule the school anyway.

LeeCoakley Sat 26-Jan-13 09:48:47

There are plenty of children (at our infant school anyway) who would get to attend this party. And as op says, her children attended last term. And MN is full of parents who tell us that their 'unnoticed' child never gets any reward. Well this is one school's answer to that! The party will only be a small part of the behaviour strategy, otherwise where is the incentive after the first sad face? All schools will try new strategies and if something doesn't appear to improve behaviour overall it will die a natural death. Imagine actually finding something that works perfectly for over 200 wildly different individuals! (AND universally liked by all the parents grin.)

I wouldn't agree with keeping off school though.

Lovelygoldboots Sat 26-Jan-13 09:55:38

I would talk to the head about your concerns. If you and the school are at cross purposes about disclipline at this early stage it will only get harder. You will not get to the bottom of it unless you get clear facts from the person responsible for maintaining discipline.

magicOC Sat 26-Jan-13 10:37:03

Our school does 30 mins of golden time every Friday, they get to watch a dvd, play games or whatever (disco last week) smile

Misbehaviour = a minute of golden time taken away for each offence. It just means that everyone unless very badly behaved gets some golden time depending on how many minutes they have left.

At the end of each term, cups are awarded for various achievements including behaviour.

Littlefish Sat 26-Jan-13 11:01:45

I very much doubt this was a single incident of talking when the teacher was talking, if children are usually put on the sad side for more serious misdemeanours. It is far more likely that he had received reminders and warnings over a period of time, with the final warning being that if it happened again, he would be moved onto the sad side.

You really do need to speak to the classteacher to find out what has actually happened.

JenaiMorris Sat 26-Jan-13 11:09:15

It's a horrible, spiteful system and I doubt it works.

socharlotte Sat 26-Jan-13 11:22:18

I think it is good that the children who are always good get recognised.I am betting that there are interim rewards like star of the day and golden time as well

TiggyD Sat 26-Jan-13 11:40:36

Doesn't sound good.

Firstly, the punishment takes place a long time from the offence when the offence would be forgotten.
Secondly, every day when the names are put on the faces he will be reminded that he failed in something. I do not think 2 months of that is terribly good for a child.
Thirdly, once a child is a failure why should they avoid the sad face in the future?

CloudsAndTrees Sat 26-Jan-13 12:28:38

I agree it's good for the children who are always well behaved to be recognised. In fact it's better than good, it's actually very important.

It's all too easy for the well behaved children to be forgotten, especially as they tend to receive less attention on a day to day basis than the more talkative children.

Emilythornesbff Sat 26-Jan-13 12:32:23

Seems a bit harsh and out of step with the current trend for a more positive approach to behavioural management.
I am dreading school for DS already. There are so many things that piss me off about it.
Can you encourage your ds in the ways of getting back on track so he feels he has some co trol over the situation and can "win" back his smiley face.
Poor sausage.

Ours have a weekly competition. They're grouped in tables and awarded points for good behaviour and doing well at work. Table with the most points on Friday gets a prize from as lucky dip bag (pencils, rubbers, etc) but the whole room (3 classes) gets sweets and a movie.

Seems to work really well.

I know for a fact ds1 could never manage as whole half term of impeccable behaviour so the system you've described would be a disaster. On our system he gets rewards for his work though, so although his behaviour isn't perfect he knows if he does his work well he can earn points for his table.

jamdonut Sat 26-Jan-13 14:41:07

So ,OP, by keeping him off school you're teaching him what, exactly?

That it doesn't matter if he does things wrong at school, because Mummy and Daddy will treat him anyway?

Just because his friends and older brother have managed to behave well during the term, it's not fair to have a "party" that he can't attend?

Perhaps, next term, he WILL remember not to talk when the teacher is talking, and keep it up all term so that he WILL go to the next "party". Who knows, maybe his friends or brother will miss out next time. Will that be OK then?

This makes me mad. The number of times we tell parents that their children have been dreadful all day, and ,as they are walking away you hear the child say "Can I have ice cream" and the parent says "OK!" or the parents are giving them bars of chocolate,etc. as they walk away... The message there is, "That's ok, you've been badly behaved, but I will reward you anyway".

And 4 is not too young to learn this lesson.

TheCarefulLaundress Sun 27-Jan-13 08:48:15

All this talk about punishing young children is giving me the creeps.

littlemrssleepy Sun 27-Jan-13 09:26:56

Does seem a little harsh - I agree that the transgression is better punished more immediately and then forgotten / reset. Imagine if I stayed angry with DH for 6 WEEKS that he had a little too much to drink the night before it was my turn for a precious lie in and I ended up getting up whilst he had a long conversation on the porcelain toilet.

Also just a question - is it good for a child to always be good?? Smacks of someone who is so in awe of someone in a position of authority that they will bow to anything and really fear disappointing them. I doubt it will do them any good in the long run. I know neither I nor DH would have got where we are without being able to challenge authority. I know it's different when you are a child because you don't have the skills to do it more tactfully but I'm not sure I would that thrilled if my DS got through an entire term without doing it once!!! Rebel without a cause

MariusEarlobe Sun 27-Jan-13 09:28:13

I've known schools do this weekly and children who have too many have less or no free play.

Half termly is crazy, most kids won't remember what they have done and don't most children have an odd time they have been told off.

Even dd who is goody goody at school has been told off on rare occassion.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 27-Jan-13 09:47:08

is it good for a child to always be good

I don't think so. Not if it's always.

In my experience young school or older pre school children who never talk when they shouldn't, never take longer doing anything than they are supposed to, never make a mess etc, are the children who appear to be anxious quite a lot of the time.

There have even been times when working with these young children that we have been really pleased to see a child 'misbehave'. They tend to be the children whose parents put a lot of pressure on them to be 'good' all the time, or ocassionaly they have been children with mild SEN who have found it hard to settle into school environments.

nitsparty Sun 27-Jan-13 10:01:12

imo it seems to long to wait- r u sure one sad face dooms you for the whole term? sanctions need to happen much quicker. he could talk on the carpet every day now-what has he got to lose?
speaking as a teacher it's harder and harder to reprimand a child. A stern voice is seen as "Miss shouted at me" and will bring an angry parent to your classroom door.
A colleague was accused of calling a child a name. The name was "chatterbox"

M0naLisa Mon 28-Jan-13 16:26:54

The thing is the sad face list is wiped every day at the end of the day ready for a clean sad face the next day. I'm guessing its wrote down in a book who has been on the sad face over the term and given to the head teacher.

Spoke to ds2 teacher today and she confirmed he will NOT receive an invitation for the party at end of term in February because of this one incident of talking!!!

CloudsAndTrees Mon 28-Jan-13 16:29:36

Did she say anything else? Did she tell you that she had warned your son before he was put under the sad face, or that she has had to tell him off on enough other occasions prior to this one?

There must be more to this.
I work in a primary school (TA) and before that put in quite a few hours as a volunteer. I just cannot imagine any teacher / school being this harsh at such a young age and exclude a young child for one incident of talking.

I will be very sad if this is indeed the case and would be considering if this is the right place for my child.

But, again, I just cannot see this as being all there is to it...

M0naLisa Mon 28-Jan-13 16:42:08

He talked twice whilst on the carpet. She told him once and put him on the sad face.

piratecat Mon 28-Jan-13 16:43:40

incredibly crap.

I would speak to the head, as i am not sure there would be many kids at the party.

M0naLisa Mon 28-Jan-13 16:49:58

She said a few would not be attending and it woul be a normal day for the ones not attending.

M0naLisa Mon 28-Jan-13 16:50:23

Still think its harsh for reception kids. Maybe from yr 1 have a one strike an your out but not reception

Too harsh, although, did he merely forget not to talk and talked the second time on the carpet or did he purposely disobey her?
My gut feeling, seeing as he is only four, is on the former and as such the punishment is way to hard.
How do other parents feel about it?

Because it strikes me, particularly for the older children, that if they get put on the sad face and banned from the party at the start of the half term there is no incentive to remain good for the rest of the term as they are banned from the party regardless. So this behaviour management policy seems utterly ill-thought out!

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