To dislike big parties and not want to help Dh celebrate his 40th ?

(60 Posts)
MuchBrighterNow Tue 22-Jan-13 11:23:29

Dh wants to arrange a big party for his 40th birthday, It will involve inviting lots of old friends and their families to come and stay for 3 or 4 days as we live far away from them. ( up to 50 or more people staying , a lot with young children, and then at least the same number locally )

He says that he will arrange it all, though I am not sure where they will all stay etc. It seems most of them will be squashed into our house. No one has any money to hire cars and we live in the middle of nowhere.

They will take flights to get here which mean that they probably wont be able to bring much luggage/ bedding etc.

I have had a very stressful time lately with my Ds teen . I have 2 other Dc , I work and Dh goes away a lot. I am already feeling pretty overwelmed just keeping up with day to day life. I feel very low in energy and do not feel at all like being the hostess with the mostess!

This party seems to be a big deal for DH....all I can see is the upheaval, energy etc. it's going to require. I don't even like big party's .I can see my negativity is really upsetting Dh.

I can't help think of all the practical, logistical details and they are blocking me as I just can't be bothered. Dh says he will do it all , but to be honest It's me who keeps our day to day life ticking over, and I can't see it.

AIBU to not be very happy with the prospect? Should I support him as it's his 40th ?

valiumredhead Tue 22-Jan-13 11:26:16

Yes you should - he has offered so let him organise it. If he doesn't do it remind him that he said that he would do everything. Its a lovely thing to do. Don't you think it will be fun to see people from abroad/friends?

TheCraicDealer Tue 22-Jan-13 11:26:40

Can't you go to them? Seems much more straightforward than trying to cram 50+ people into your house, plus their luggage etc. The money you'll spend in fights and a hotel will be recouped in the savings in food, water, heating etc.

AnnIonicIsoTronic Tue 22-Jan-13 11:32:35

Evenif it's really painful- it'll end.

Forbidding it is rather raining on your DHs excitement. I'd rather my dh had a party than got maudlin about aging.

If its in summer - could you make it a 'festival' & encourage people to camp (eg hire a field from a farmer & a couple of portaloos / caravans).

Crinkle77 Tue 22-Jan-13 11:36:16

YABU it is a special birthday so you should be supportive but I can understand your worries. Just make sure you discuss your worries, like where they are all going to sleep, will they bring bedding etc... then leave him to get on with it

Floralnomad Tue 22-Jan-13 11:36:22

Can you not suggest an alternative celebration that he may jump on board with , like a weekend away with some of his friends.

LessMissAbs Tue 22-Jan-13 11:39:49

How would you feel if your DH couldn't be bothered with a party for a big birthday for you? It might not be you thing, but its a one-off and a chance to catch up with old friends. Surely better to suppot each other and do things that aren't really for you at times?

YABabitU. He's not expecting you to deal with it all and he wants to see in his 40th with friends.

Your concerns are valid enough, just talk through them with your dh ask him where they will all sleep etc.

Just remember though, life is for living. Enjoy yourself and remember they won't all be there forever!

mollymole Tue 22-Jan-13 11:43:00

he has said he will doit so let him get on with it.

Yfronts Tue 22-Jan-13 11:46:54

The answer is to find a bunkhouse or YHA hostel that will accommodate all the people for as many nights as you need. We usually have one family per room and share the cooking/cleaning tc. That way it's not in your house and you don't have to be responsible. What part of the country do you live in?

Chelvis Tue 22-Jan-13 11:47:17

I would leave him to it, but I would put a limit on the number of people staying and be firm about it! Preferably exactly who, as well as numbers. He might be able to organise a party alone, but looking after houseguests is inevitably a joint effort, so you'd be reasonable to limit that.

bowerbird Tue 22-Jan-13 11:48:48

YABU. It's his 40th, it's a big deal and yes, you should support him.

You are being incredibly negative. I don't underestimate the energy involved, but this is not a common event - you only get one 40th, and especially as you live in the middle of nowhere (which you don't sound happy about and perhaps you might think about ... but that's for another thread) it's important to your DH to have his friends and family around and feel the love.

Perhaps you are over-thinking this. Your primary responsibility is to provide a party on the day (with lovely food and drink) and perhaps have some (SOME and you decide who and how many) people to stay. You are not responsible for people not being able to afford car rentals (which is ridiculous anyway if you can afford flight).

I can see this is all a bit daunting and it looks like a massive PITA. Break it down, though.

1) Invition list
2) Decide who you want to have stay at your place (and who you'd rather not)
3) Get list of local B&Bs, hotels etc
4) Discuss party with DH. Food and drink. Music etc.

This is for a start. If you can, focus on some positive aspects, some part of this to look forward to: seeing someone you like who you haven't seen for a while, having your house full of life (okay that might not work for you), or the look on grateful DH's face.

Yfronts Tue 22-Jan-13 11:48:50

http://www.yha.org.uk/escape-to

follow this link

AnnIonicIsoTronic Tue 22-Jan-13 11:49:10

Yy - rent out a hostel (& maybe a minibus for transportation). Ask people to chip in - it won't be much per head. You can choose one remote enough to not worry about keeping neighbours awake.

ShamyFarrahCooper Tue 22-Jan-13 11:49:19

Unless you have a rather larger country house hotel you cannot accomodate 50 people anyway.

I think you do need to support him in this.

DPotter Tue 22-Jan-13 11:49:34

Yes I think you should support him - he's embracing his age - not something all of us can do.

First of all - when is it ? if it's in the summer could you borrow /buy some cheep tents and set them up in the garden - one tent per family sort of thing. Kids will love it (not so sure about the adults....). then you can have BBQ style celebrations which my DP is always more keen to get involved with arranging.
Sit down with DH and list out all the things which have to be arranged and by when and agree with him whose doing what - ie HIM! This will either terrify the living daylights out of him or give you both a check list to use.

In the mean time to help you can you arrange extra help in the house - I know many don't think it can help but I think getting some help is very useful, even if it only an ironing service once a fortnight. Can you build in some 'You'time for when DH is around ?

If his birthday is not in the summer - strongly suggest you delay celebrations until then - you can't arrange the weather but you can play the odds. best of luck

Yfronts Tue 22-Jan-13 11:51:17

I think they need to find their way there (plane/taxi/bus/train etc) if you provide accommodation (google Escape to YHA)

Gumby Tue 22-Jan-13 11:52:18

Yabu

Sometimes its not all about you

Just sway him into organising something more manageable

KellyElly Tue 22-Jan-13 11:52:35

YABU. He'll only be 40 once. Sometimes in a relationship you have to do things you don't want to do to support your partner and it sounds like this is important to him. It will all be over before you know it and then you'll have ten years respite before his 50th grin

Annianni Tue 22-Jan-13 11:53:30

Yanbu. My idea of hell, no way i'd do it.

Pandemoniaa Tue 22-Jan-13 11:53:33

50 people staying?

Do you live in a stately home? Only I can't begin to imagine how you'd fit 50 people into the average house. Although if you've got a decent sized garden I guess there could be camping.

I don't think you are being U to be a little negative about the plan all the while it seems vague but impractical. On the other hand, it's not going to be much of a party if it has to be arranged around your unwillingness to be involved. So how about sitting down with your dh and working out how this party could work. Is it affordable? How will you cater for it? Where, exactly, will people stay? Only if you could get some of the practicalities sorted, the event itself doesn't have to be a nightmare.

YouOldSlag Tue 22-Jan-13 11:55:13

Sit down and talk through logistics with him. I personally hate having people to stay as it's horrendous work and we haven't the room, so I would say no to that but yes to the party.

HOWEVER

If you can put a note in with each invite detailing accommodation, maps and directions, phone numbers etc (a bit like a wedding invite), then actually it won't be too much work for you. Your DH can still have his landmark celebration and you won't feel like a refugee camp.

A weekend away on neutral ground is another option- hire a big cottage/house and do pot luck/ order in.

JollyGolightly Tue 22-Jan-13 11:55:30

YANBU to dislike big parties, or to not want one at your house.
YABU to rain on your DH's parade, it's his 40th and you need to be nicer about it.
Here's what I did in a similar situation: hired a camping barn, hired caterers to turn up and do a hog roast, bought a few cases of cheap wine. Told everyone when and where and expected them to organise transport, but did a few shuttle runs to and from a nearby station. It was only slightly stressful to plan, and I'm someone who hates to plan stuff. Anyway, you don't have to organise it, as he's going to, but perhaps an alternative location would help you to feel more relaxed about the idea

YouOldSlag Tue 22-Jan-13 11:58:38

Don't let loads of people camp in your garden unless you have at least four toilets and bathrooms.

MuchBrighterNow Tue 22-Jan-13 12:01:17

He's not open to doing it elsewhere as it's important for him to open his home up to his friends and we do live in a very beautiful part of the world. His birthday unfortunately does not fall in summer. I already suggested the festival in summer idea. For his birthday we risk having rain and it being quite cold.

Dh is exceedingly busy in his work and much as he promises to sort it all I don't know if I will be able to just sit back and trust him to get it all together. He's the sort of person who loves to be active and make big plans and often is pretty unrealistic about what is possible in a given amount of time.

I probably am being unreasonable ... I wish I could see it as something energising and nourishing rather than focusing on all the effort involved.

YouOldSlag Tue 22-Jan-13 12:03:41

How big is your house and garden?

When you have sat down and done a list he might scale things back or come up with more practical solutions. He sounds over excited but needs to calm down and think it through in order to make it happen.

TanteRose Tue 22-Jan-13 12:04:11

Hi MuchBrighter

I've seen you on the Teen boards and know that you really have had a hard time recently {hugs}

When I turned 40, I wanted a bit of a celebration, but DH, like you, really doesn't like big gatherings/parties

I did the whole thing (on a much smaller scale than your DH) and was glad that DH participated and tried to enjoy himself. It meant a lot to me.

So I would absolutely let him do it all, and try and enjoy the day itself smile

newgirl Tue 22-Jan-13 12:06:34

you definitely need to start looking at solutions here - find the nearest travellodge for people etc - def dont have anyone in the home. Or hold it in nearest pub in the nearest reasonable town so they do all the clearing up. Pay for something like chilli for everyone and a few drinks. You just need to turn up.

MuchBrighterNow Tue 22-Jan-13 12:09:24

No we unfortunately don't have a stately home. We have a fairly big house but half of it is a building site and we have just 2 bathrooms .... We can get food in for the party itself but it's all the other meals if people are staying a few days. Everyone can chip in to a kitty I suppose as we definitely can't afford to feed everyone the whole time.

I like the comment about the refugee camp.... One of Dh's plans is to put tents up inside the rooms which are half built !

I think you will probably enjoy the day more than you think in the end! However, my DH can also be a bit like this- grand plans etc, very well meaning but works very long hours and doesn't always see what the domestic impact will be of his ideas.
However, a couple of years ago he wanted all his family here for Christmas for a number of reasons and I wanted mine too and initially I just couldn't see how it would all work, but we did it by:
making a list of who would come
what we would offer
what we needed to budget for to buy
how we would plan all the food etc
We found we had some friends locally who were away for the whole of Christmas who were quite glad of having someone to house sit- meant they could leave their little pets/fish etc at home so some of them lived there. A couple stayed in our local B&B who initially said they were closed for Christmas,but when we said people didn't even want any food- cut their rates dramatically and so a group stayed there.
And other friends we know said they would have put guests up for us at other times of year.
Local friends chipped in by bringing some dishes to a party we had.
Got some cheap extra plates etc from charity shop/Ikea.
So it is doable you just need a big list of everything that needs doing and have regular review of who is doing what and how it is going.

penelopepissstop Tue 22-Jan-13 12:12:59

YANBU. You don't like big parties, the logistics are hell.
Thing is, it's going to cost a lot for people to attend in the first place. Suggest a few nearest and dearest in a hired cottage or something similar if he insists on an ego fest. I've never understood the need to drag everyone from the far corners of the world for a 40th birthday. It's a bit much to expect people to shell out on air/train fares when it's not a wedding...
Good luck, just get him to scale it down to a bit more of a manageable event...

You need to think practically here - currently, you're just seeing all the hassle (understandably, esp as you are nervous dh will actually leave you to do the work) & your dh is seeing all the fun (equally understandable). What you need to do is come up with a solution that works for both of you - imagine a fabulous evening with your best mates, to celebrate your and dh's happiness - come on, what's not to like?

So, think about what would make it easier for you:
- guesthouses locally where some of your guests could stay - 2 bathrooms for 50 people is simply not practical imo. It's going to make everything uncomfy (imagine everyone trying to show ready for the party for eg. Send as many people as poss to sleep elsewhere, as it also takes onus off you in terms of providing meals. Sell it to your dh as more comfy for everyone and means that you can make the house really ready for a big shindig for the evening. You can still have a few people (who are tighter on cash/you know are likely to be helpful!) staying over, just not everyone.
- Make it mostly about the sat night, but organise an activity on the sat and/or sunday with a pub lunch included. You can skip that bit if you need to be prepping the house/want some space.
- manage expectations: tell people what you will and won't be providing (eg. you can do breakfasts (cereal & toast) for people staying with you on sunday morning, send them details of local places to eat for the other times. Catering for a weekend for 50 people is just too big a job imo - you want to be able to enjoy the party too!
- source loads of local support: local students to help out with setting house up on Friday - laying beds, doing advance food prep etc ; and to help with tidying up on Monday! Get caterers to do food for sat party, get bar staff/waitresses to help out on sat eve.
- what would help you enjoy the party too?

Sit dh down, and do some list making.

LemonBreeland Tue 22-Jan-13 12:29:38

How long do people realistically have to stay with you? Can they stay only 1 night?

Is there any way your dh could get the building work hurried up and finished before? Even if he celebrated a little bit late, it would be nice to have it finished before a huge gathering.

PaellaUmbrella Tue 22-Jan-13 12:35:26

YANBU to not want 50 people staying in your home. That's ridiculous.

YANBU to not like parties - not everybody does...

YABU to not support him in the principle of a party though, it's a special, one off occasion. Try and see how it can be done more practically.

ajandjjmum Tue 22-Jan-13 12:38:09

I am mid planning a 21st for DS, and we will have loads of people arriving from different parts of the country.

The only people who are staying with us are elderly family members. I'm booking loads of rooms (around £30 each) for uni friends, school friends etc., and will arrange a minibus and driver who will be available throughout the evening as a 'shuttle' service. It will cost more, but will stop me becoming a massive stressball, so that I might even enjoy the party!

I enjoy the planning, strangely enough, less so the event - I shall be too worried about everyone having a good time.

I feel quite sad for your husband - although I remember my Dad organising a surprise 70th birthday party for himself! grin He did delegate the work though!

alarkaspree Tue 22-Jan-13 12:42:16

I think it would be really nice if you could try to be supportive. I agree 50 people staying in your house with 2 bathrooms is unworkable, but your guests will also see that, and when you offer them a choice of a tent in an unbuilt room with 24 people in line ahead of them for the loo or a local guesthouse they will choose the latter. They also won't all come - if people are going to have to fly to get to you, with their kids, many of them will decided it's not worth it for a 40th birthday party.

So I think it won't be as bad as you think.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 22-Jan-13 12:46:03

YANBU - I wouldn't want 50 people saying in my home and if my DH insisted I would be very angry. Are most of the friends and family all in one general area? If so I'd be tempted to suggest DH organise his party in a venue near to where most people live and you guys travel to them. I don't think it matters how unique your home is, if don't want it filled to the brim with visitors that's fair enough.

YANBU - But I'd let him get on with it, but be very firm that you are only happy for X amount of people to stay at the house, and if staying for more than one night your DH must sort out bedding, he must sort out/shop for/cook meals, etc.

Tbh if you really do live in the middle of nowhere, and you've said nobody has money to hire cars and they have to shell out for a flight to get there in the first place, to be greeted on arrival with a tent in the middle of a building site, then I doubt very many people will actually accept the invitation. I know I wouldn't.

YouOldSlag Tue 22-Jan-13 13:04:31

I didn't think he was serious about having 50 people to stay but it sounds like he was!

Catering for 50 people even for a few days is unrealistic and will be massively over stretching you.

Offer him alternatives and say you are very willing to help out but you won't be doing domestic duty for 50 people single handed. Even a hotel would need lots of staff to cope with that many people.

You only have two toilets- that will not be enough for 50 people. They will not want to travel on planes to stay in tents on a building site and share two toilets with 50 other people. I don't love anybody enough to do that! smile

I would send out an info sheet with the invites- Local YHA, telephone numbers, routes, maps, timetables and leave it to the guests. Where are you having the actual party? I think you will need to hire a hall and caterers. Your DH is not wrong to want to celebrate a milestone, but he is being very unrealistic and unfair on you if he thinks you are going to be running a one woman hotel for families in tents.

tarantula Tue 22-Jan-13 13:04:51

If he is prepared to do the work to organise the party then that is fine IMO and I'd let him get on with it and help out as and when.
BUT and it is a big BUT it seems to me that he has gradiose plans and is not looking at all the actually work and fine detail that needs to be done. From what you say in your post he is busy at work and generally leaves the organisation to you so I'm guessing that he will try to do the same in this case.
I loathe organising things like parties to the point where I get so stressed I feel ill so I don't do it and would be very pissed off if dp were to try and force something like that on me tbh.

ShephardsDelight Tue 22-Jan-13 13:07:23

Take a deep breath and do it for his sake, your reasons do sound a bit selfish even though I understand it can be stressful.

I wouldn't forgive myself if my DH went without a 40th because I was being mardy.

YouOldSlag Tue 22-Jan-13 13:09:29

I agree that although he says he will do all the work, he will not be able to if he works long hours so you will end up having to do it.

You can pull this off, but not in the way he imagines it. He needs to calm down a bit!

TeeBee Tue 22-Jan-13 14:12:50

Could you hire a few caravans locally? Then people could sort their own meals out, you wouldn't have to worry too much about the weather, and they can all shower in the caravans. I would sit down with him and go through all the scenarios and what it will involve, and see if he thinks he can take it all on. Then go and buy yourself a new dress and let him get on with it.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 22-Jan-13 15:19:57

up to 50 or more people staying , a lot with young children, and then at least the same number locally
I was going to suggest caravans too.
Can you call around all the 50 or so local friends invited and beg them to take as many as they can fit home to sleep at their places? It may work out great that way.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 22-Jan-13 15:24:18

Thank god my husband is sane enough to rent a venue if he decided to do something like this.
Compromise? Rent a venue, in a large hotel with room for everyone, then in the summer when the renovations are done, he can have a party with tents outside for sleeping.

BuiltForComfort Tue 22-Jan-13 15:37:30

How on earth could you fit 50 people into your house, plus cater to them?? This is the sticking point. Tents in half built rooms doesn't cut it (and do the guests know what the score is?).

Either get your DH to outline the exact plan - ALL of it - how much food, how many tents, methods of putting tents up in rooms, bathroom arrangements, party plans, entertainment, wet weather plan, minibus bus hire, airport collections, details to go in invitations etc, so that you can offer to assist with making it happen, OR if he insists on being vague, you take his offer to sort it all out himself and face value and leave every bit of it to him. Every bit. And when 50 people call from the airport asking for lifts and your DH finds himself having to queue for 30 mins to use his own bathroom you can comfort yourself with the biggest I told you so smugfest ever.

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit Tue 22-Jan-13 15:41:45

Tell him he has to draw up a plan of where they would all stay and what they would do and eat for the duration. Must be exact, not vague. It isn't unfair to do this, someone will have to and if he refuses or gets sniffy you can point out that this is what he's pushing on to you and you just don't have it in you to get it done and run the whole thing. And if he's going to coordinate all this he'll be running round like a blue arsed fly the whole time and not see anyone... Oh wait, you'll be doing that, won't you? And he'll enjoy himself as the birthday boy.

Sounds like an unreasonable ego trip to me. Don't rely on people not coming. I thought we'd have 30 max for or DD's christening at home. We had to hire a hall and a caterer, my mum worked all day, I worked all day, we only just managed it and that was only a few hours. It was a lovely day, but more for guests who could relax, I think.

Tell him three families and you'll organise it. More and you'll come but that's it. Your posts have the feel of a woman who is feeling worn out, so don't let quiet resentment and his unthinking enthusiasm push you into a meltdown situation.

Yfronts Tue 22-Jan-13 16:16:15

you really do need to look at the YHA's - escape to. Would make everything much easier and it's cheap.

lubeybooby Tue 22-Jan-13 16:25:01

I'd support him sort of if I felt like you... I'd make him a list of everything that needs to be done and ask him to pick one or two things from it for you to do, that you are offering to do as a bit of a birthday present. Then make it clear he has to do the rest.

I really like parties though so I personally would be offering to do at least half.

Things like

Complete clean of entire house

Arranging party budget

Sorting out a list of cheap places to stay for people, or perhaps paying for somewhere for them depending on budget

Sorting out who can stay overnight

Buying/digging out enough bedding and airbeds etc for guests

Doing all party food or ordering and picking up from m&s or a caterer

Hiring a venue and decorating it

Getting or making a cake

Shopping for party food and drinks

Sorting out invites

Chasing up rspv's

Making sure there's enough seating

Arranging DJ/Band/Playlist

MuchBrighterNow Tue 22-Jan-13 16:31:09

I can see form the posts that the general consensus is: yes he does deserve to celebrate his birthday but he needs to get real about just what is enjoyably feasable for us and our guests!

He often has grandiose plans and I end up being the voice of reason damp squib who brings it back down to earth. I would like him to have an enjoyable celebration but want to avoid the blue assed fly bit !

I was counting on not all the invited coming biscuit , though our friends are quite a hardy lot and may not be put off by tents on building sites !!

And when 50 people call from the airport asking for lifts and your DH finds himself having to queue for 30 mins to use his own bathroom you can comfort yourself with the biggest I told you so smugfest ever. grin

NatashaBee Tue 22-Jan-13 16:39:59

YANBU to wonder whether he'd really arrange it himself, I'd think the same thing if my DH suggested it. I think his idea of 'arranging' would be to invite everyone and tell them to bring beer, he wouldn't think of the logistics involved and how people would get around/transportation. But your partner will only be 40 once, and if he really wants to have a party then you should try and support him. Why don't you make him a list of things he'll need to do like lubeybooby's list above and pick a couple of items that you'll help out with?

HecateWhoopass Tue 22-Jan-13 16:45:16

I would. Because you love him and it really matters to him.

However, if you really wanted to, you could say ok, fine. You want it, great. You organise it, like you've promised to.

And then do nothing. He either does everything or it won't happen. And if he asks you for help, say no, sorry, I was very clear on this. You assured me that you would organise this. Don't try to pass it to me now.

tbh, that's not what I'd do. pass the sick bucket alert I think it's really sad if someone has to organise their own birthday bash (real sad not teenage omg that's so sad sad). I'd get over my irritation and throw myself into it cos I luffs the daft bugger and it'd mean a lot to him.

TeeBee Tue 22-Jan-13 17:00:12

Actually I did arrange a party for my DH's 40th, and we had about 50 guests. He really didn't get chance to talk to most of them. I had a quieter bash, with around 25 and had a fab time chatting all night long to those who were close to me. Something for him to consider maybe. Is he really going to get chance to spend time with all those people who have travelled far and wide to come?

HannahsSister40 Tue 22-Jan-13 17:10:36

You have my sympathy. This is my idea of hell. I feel a bit queasy just reading it. 50 people for a 40th, flying in from here there and everywhere! Urgghh. It's my 40th in a few months and I'm having a posh night out with dh at a very expensive, lovely a la carte restaurant and a night out with a few mates. That is it. When did 40ths become like weddings?! Yes, I'd play along with everything, smile and support him. But I wouldn't have anyone staying over. And of hire a venue. (And I'd be screaming inside!)

Bogeyface Tue 22-Jan-13 17:23:00

I do think that you need to support him but also to put your foot down about the silly parts of his plan. It is not feasible to have 50 people camping out in your house for 3/4 days, so say no to that, if they want to come they have to stay in a hotel.

Having a party in a building site is not doable either, so say that you will happily support his party but it must be at a village hall or somewhere like that.

Bogeyface Tue 22-Jan-13 17:23:42

Incidentally I wouldnt fly halfway across the country for a 40th, and I am guessing alot of you guests wont either!

Springdiva Tue 22-Jan-13 18:04:18

Why doesn't he postpone it until the summer then everyone can camp.

If you are in the middle of nowhere there won't be hotels, B&Bs etc.

MadBusLady Tue 22-Jan-13 18:19:33

YANBU. As it stands his plan sounds completely mental, frankly. And there are lots of helpful suggestions above but TBH they are all along the same lines of helping your DH to get organised, writing him lists etc. That kind of defeats the object of him doing all the work (similar to housework really).

Are there any family you could confide in who would be invited? Maybe they could reinforce any suggestions you make about venue hire/B&Bs? And indeed it being held in summertime? If you live in a beautiful part of the world it's going to be wasted if people are cooped up all the time.

MrsCampbellBlack Tue 22-Jan-13 18:28:57

YANBU

I don't think you're being selfish rather realistic.

Is it even safe to have small children camping in what sounds like a building site?

Could you look into some places to stay locally for people and say you don't mind hosting the party at your home (and that's a big ask for 100 guests!!) but they can't stay with you.

I'd then move onto suggest a nice venue in your local town near to where the people can stay.

Seriously you can not have 50 house guests and 100 guests for a party with 2 loos!

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