to be furious with dh for eating cakes he knew were destined for the bin!

(1000 Posts)
alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:29

OK. I bake a lot. And sometimes my cakes are beautiful, and we all enjoy them. But sometimes it does not go so well and the cakes come out sunk or burnt or still wet in the middle (if dh would get the fan fixed on the oven this would happen a lot less often, but that's another thread)

There is a system, dh and the children are well aware of it. If the cakes are good to eat, they either go in a freezer bag for later use, or in a sealed tin for use over the week, or on a plate on the side so that they can be eaten now. DH knows this and I never complain about him "sampling" even if th cakes are meant for after dinner or whatever. I bake a lot so there is usually something there if he fancies a nibble.

If the cakes are not up to scratch, they go in the bin as soon as they are cooled (or as soon as dh empties the bin - there's another thread there!)

so this morning dh saunters into the kitchen to get himself breakfast. I come in and find him cramming his mouth with the burnt, crappy cakes that were sitting in the bun tray by the bin. I was really pissed off and had a go at him for it. I can make really nice cakes and I make plenty of them, so he has no need to wind me up and embarrass me by eating the ones that have gone wrong. He know it is a pet hate of mine.

so he strops off to work having called me a "control freak" in front of our children who were sitting having their breakfast. I am Not Happy.

Lesbeadiva Mon 21-Jan-13 14:58:45


OddBoots Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:04

Is this a reverse AIBU?

Convert Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:10

Wow. I think you need to unclench. A lot.

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:25

Eh? It's cake!

Why can't you empty the bin yourself and fix the fan oven?

Beamur Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:45

Your DH is right!

Dahlen Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:52

Is this a joke?

FaffTastic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:09

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BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:19

Eh? Relax for god's sake.

Jins Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:23

I think if he's happy to eat burnt cakes then you should be happy to let him.

How on earth is it embarrassing?

Numberlock Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:43

Well he's right really isn't he and why can't you get the fan oven fixed (and empty the bin)?

Why can't u use the cakes for trifle or something? It's a waste to not let anyone eat them!

MimmeeBack Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:19

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Forgetfulmog Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:28

Why waste food like that?! A cake is still good to eat even if burnt!blush

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:49

He's an adult he can chose to eat whatever he likes.

My BIL loved a really crappy coffee cake I made.

I can't get over just chucking a cake out tbh - wouldn't you make it into trifle/feed the birds the crumbs or something?

TanteRose Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:56

He embarrassed you by eating non-perfect cake?


StuffezLaBouche Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:59

Dear God.
Any reason you dont get the fan oven fixed yourself?

shrimponastick Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:08

Good - If he fills up on the burnt cakes then he won't want so many of the nice ones you are baking later. More for you.

I am abit confused though.

Ummmm. Is this a joke or a thread about a thread or some MN royalty in-joke that us mere mortals don't understand?

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:37

Bit wasteful.

Do birds eat cake? Maybe feed them to the birds?

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:43

Talk about first world problems!

How is it ever reasonable to throw food away when someone is prepared to eat it?

Instead of throwing a silly, precious strop, count yourself fortunate that the cake gets eaten at all.

YA definitely BU and ridiculous too.

JuliesSistersCousinsAuntsCat Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:44

It does sound like you over reacted.

Could you not fix the fan oven?

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:49

It embarrasses me Jins because they are not the best I can do so to me he is insulting me by eating them when I have asked him not to!

Why should I empty the bin and fix the oven? They are his jobs confused

I do not eed to unclench thanks, but ok maybe I should just let him eat out of the bin.

PilchardsonToast Mon 21-Jan-13 15:03:21

why would you be embarrassed by him eating a cake that he chose to eat?

He knew it wouldn't be perfect but as you're a good cook he thought it would still be fairly yummy so he ate it... Not a problem, maybe even a compliment that even your crap cakes are worth eating....mine really aren't!

Better to let him eat them than waste the ingredients go to waste surely?

I think he has a point tbh, why the need to be so controlling?

And why can't you empty the bin yourself? Or call a repairman/ fix the oven yourself?

BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:04:16

I'd take it as a compliment that he likes to eat the shite ones. are furious with your DH for eating cake you wanted to throw away?
Put them in the actual bin then?

Maybe your DH is furious with you for throwing away loads of cake that he would happily eat? Maybe eating your cake destined from the bin is his revenge?

If I were you I would bake some cakes and fill them with turds and broken glass. That will teach the cake gobbling bastard. Embarrass you by eating below par cakes? What a scumbag.

Glittertwins Mon 21-Jan-13 15:04:55

Insulted? Embarrassed? Good Lord, get over it!

choceyes Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:47


YABU. Wow! You need to lighten up.

Eating burnt cake...mmmm yum!

Cat98 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:48

This must be a joke...
I'd much rather see them eaten than going to waste!

RedPencils Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:58

If he wants to eat burnt cakes then that's his lookout. You're coming across as a bit of a loon.

Put them on the bird table rather than throw them away.

The one thing I really love about dh is his human-dustbinness. If be delighted if he finished up the crappy cakes

<more tasty ones for me> grin

PatriciaHolm Mon 21-Jan-13 15:06:31

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HappyJustToBe Mon 21-Jan-13 15:06:42

Why are they his jobs, out of interest?

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:07:14

They can't be that bad if he still wants to eat them!

Tee2072 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:07:52

At least give them to the birds, don't bin them because they are slightly burnt or sunk or whatever.

Must be nice to have money to waste like that.

I make bloody good cakes, sometimes I make complete disasters, they both get eaten, because cake is cake and its a waste to throw cake away. Or any other edible food for that matter

Forgetfulmog Mon 21-Jan-13 15:08:12

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FreudianLisp Mon 21-Jan-13 15:08:13

YABU to waste food that isn't perfect. I really think that's immoral.

YABU to tell him what he can and can't eat.

Are you this controlling and wasteful about other things too?

greenhill Mon 21-Jan-13 15:08:13

I thought the story was that ALFRED burnt the cakes, not alfrex

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:09:07

Sorry but how is it a compliment for him to eat cakes he knows I don't want eaten? It would be a compliment if he did as he was asked and just waited for m to put out propr cakes! He would not have to wait long, I bake a lot.

Not sure why people are being hostile.

FaffTastic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:09:32

I do not eed to unclench thanks, but ok maybe I should just let him eat out of the bin

But he's not foraging about eating scraps from the bin - you said in your OP that they were left in a bun tray by the bin. Try unclenching a little bit further OP - it doesn't seem to be working so far.

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:09:39

brew for your dh to go with the cakes

defineme Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:10

If he's not doing the jobs that are his share of the work then that's not fair.

Eating burnt cakes rather than them going in the bin? You have to let go of whatever is causing you to get wound up about this-no one on this thread has supported's not usual to feel this way. I would feel pleased that the ingredients hadn't been wasted, somebody else might think that's a poor reflection on dh's palate, but feeling embarrassed? A therapist would jump on that ....

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:21

Blimey, stop being so precious and get over it, my ex cooked anything i made and didnt give a shit.

PaellaUmbrella Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:27

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Cat98 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:38

It's not about it being a compliment or not, it's about not wasting food! The money spent on the ingredients! It might not be a big deal to you but it would be to a lot of people - not saying you should force disgusting things down just to avoid waste, but if your dh enjoyed them what's the problem?!

Crinkle77 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:41

YABU. It's not like the cakes were meant for someone else and he ate them. And while there are people going hungry then you should not waste food. So what if they're not perfect? Just stick a bit of icing on them and no one will no any better?

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:45

People are being hostile (not agreeing with you) because you sound controlling like your dh said and you are getting your knickers in a twist over nothing.

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:54

You are MOANING the cakes aren't perfect cos of lack of fan oven!!! Man up and sort it.... Jesus!!

Then you would have perfect cakes and the world can continue to revolve around you!

FanFuckingTastic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:11:24

Not very frugal of you. Feed them to the birds at least.

Very wasteful, bit burnt around the edges would result in me trimming them and making loads of trifle, or sponge fingers for trifle, or my belly fatter.


PriscillaLydiaSellon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:11:39

This is vair funny. All my attempts at baking get burnt. My family would probably not recognise an unburnt cake. [needs a 'hates baking' face here].

Agree about bins and ovens being a man's job, though.

MaryBS Mon 21-Jan-13 15:11:49

He's not insulting you. I'm with him, its stopping food from being wasted. I'd eat it too if it were going to be thrown out. Why don't you object to the waste? I think you are treating him like a child that he has to do as he is told or else.

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:18

Because it is silly.

And wasteful.

And if he wants to eat them, it really doesn't matter.

You have fucked them up. He's seen them. He knows. He wants to eat them. It's like you want to pretend you haven't made a mistake or something. That you are the baker of Perfect Cakes. That you can present neatly on a doily and receive much praise for.

It's only cake. I cannot begin to express how much it doesn't matter and how odd it is that you would rather put a cake in the bin than let someone eat it who wants to.

FeistyLass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:26

ok, Op, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

He doesn't take the bin out. He doesn't get the oven fixed and he ignores your wishes about which cakes are edible. If the cake-eating has become a symbol of other problems then YANBU. I can see how it could be passive-aggressive cake eating.

If that's the case then put the cakes somewhere else so he can't eat them. Then you won't get annoyed (but if you could feed them to birds or make them into trifle that would be even better. I've never baked a cake or biscuit that can't be eaten and that's not because I'm a brilliant cook, it's just because I have a horror of throwing away food that can be eaten.)

However, if it is just him eating cake then you might need to relax a bit and let dh decide if he wants to eat cake smile .

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:27

OMG so now I am mental and I need a therapist hmm

thank you defineme for understanding why he has jobs to do in the house. I do not think emptying the bin is a big price to pay for all that I do for him and the children.

BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:28

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Mintyy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:21

Sorry but it is very controlling to react like this to your dh eating a few below-par cakes. Controlling and odd.

Megatron Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:49

I'm sorry but you really do sound like a control freak. He is a grown man, does he need to take instructions from you? And if you don't want to get your oven fixed because it's 'his job' hmm you can't really moan about your cakes not coming out perfect. This is such a non issue I never get why people pick battles over such ridiculous things.

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:58

This sounds like it has nothing to do with cakes at all and everything to do with dh perhaps not pulling his weight or another unrelated matter.

Fillybuster Mon 21-Jan-13 15:14:52

YABU for posting in AIBU if you're not remotely interesting in the answer.

Oh, and yes, YABU with regard to the cakes, too. But I find I no longer care...

PandaOnAPushBike Mon 21-Jan-13 15:14:55

Eh? You should come to my house where the motto is 'if I baked it: you'll eat it'. Doesn't matter how burnt, sunk or soggy a cake is.

Wow......just wow. confused

Fillybuster Mon 21-Jan-13 15:15:21



Perhaps you shouldn't bother cooling the dud cakes before binning. Just put them straight into the bin if it upsets you that people eat them.

Ihatemytoes Mon 21-Jan-13 15:16:16

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Habble Mon 21-Jan-13 15:16:39

Gosh, you are allowed to make mistakes you know. It's not a personal failing if a few of your baked goods go awry and it isn't an insult if he eats a few dodgy cakes.

Do you feel annoyed because your baking credentials have taken a hit? (not that I see it that way, but perhaps you do?)

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:03

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Dahlen Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:19

If he eats your burned cakes and enjoys them then either you're starving him or maybe you are a complete perfectionist who devalues something that is perfectly ok. In which case, perhaps he would be more within his rights to be furious with you for wasting food or for infantilising him to the extent where he cannot choose for himself what he puts into his mouth. How would you feel if he dictated to you what handcream you could use, or what outfit you were to wear that day (after all, you wouldn't have to wait very long before you wore that outfit as most people have a finite collection of clothes...)

OTOH, if he's not pulling his weight in terms of chores, he's a selfish git. And if he's deliberately eating burned cakes so he can tease you later about your less successful efforts, he's a twat.

Badvoc Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:19

You do sound like you are over reacting a bit tbh.
Is it that you are worried about them making him ill? Which is unlikely really...

Seachelle Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:39

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Badvoc Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:47

Oh, and y sound very hard in yourself wrt to the happens.

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:48

well we don't have any birds here

but the issue is not whether I am "wasting" food, it is about dh knowingly sneaking into th kitchen and filling his mouth with the condemned cakes when he knows that it will upset me and make me feel embarrassed.

Still not sure where all the personal insults are coming from. Deluded, mental, control freak etc. Nice.

weegiemum Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:53

Knowing the other things my dh is prepared to consume, slightly burnt cakes would be the least of my worries!

alistron1 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:59

I think if you bought cakes instead of baking them it would save a whole lot of angst.

gordyslovesheep Mon 21-Jan-13 15:18:02

wow ...just WOW hmm

dischordant Mon 21-Jan-13 15:18:12

Do you bake a lot, op? It's just that you haven't said....

charlottehere Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:04

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aliasjoey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:13

grin at 'passive- aggressive cake-eating'

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:17

no birds??

dischordant Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:22

& may I suggest a little job of some sort?!

ie chill the chill out!

anothershittynickname Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:23

Oh dear :-/

Much unreasonableness going on here!

MikeFlowersPops Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:37

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HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:40

and - I fail to see why on earth, if the cakes Must Not Be Eaten by man or child or poor hungry little bird... - you don't just put a squirt of washing up liquid on them when they come out of the oven and are deemed Unsuitable.

Seems to me that would ensure they don't get eaten.

although it's still totally crackers.

BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:44


Your blood pressure must be through the roof.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:47

OP Your pissed off over a few burnt cakes, he obviously didnt care what they looked like, musta tasted nice, get over it.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:54

Of course there are birds where you are. Unless you live in a desert, or at the very apex of a pole, there are birds.

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:57

LOL @ dh sneaking into the kitchen filling his mouth with condemned cakes grin grin

Numberlock Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:59

passive-aggressive cake eating

Love it, Feisty. Only on MN, along with BLW 1st birthday party buffets.

CheerMum Mon 21-Jan-13 15:20:37

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threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:20:43

mn is very funny today lol

FreckledLeopard Mon 21-Jan-13 15:20:53

No birds? Where do you live? confused

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:21:02

you don't have any birds?

No birds in the sky where you live?

Ok. I'm out.

That's all the benefit of the doubt I can muster for today.

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 21-Jan-13 15:21:23

'sneaking'??? Into his own kitchen!?

I feel sorry for your DH


(Team DH)

You really need to unclench

degutastic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:21:41

Yanbu for wanting him to empty the bin, if that is part of the agreed division of labour in your household and he's not pulling his weight.

You are, however, being utterly mental about the cakes, and you seem to be failing to understand the point of "AIBU" - people are being "hostile" as you perceive it because, in this case, you are being unreasonable.

FreudianLisp Mon 21-Jan-13 15:21:41

You say the issue isn't about wasting food, but the issue SHOULD be about wasting food. YABU to think that wasting food doesn't matter.

Please, please relax, or I shall come round to your house and eat all your least successful cakes.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:21:54

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valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:22:00

Perhaps he did it as a direct action against your controlling ways OP? A sort of Betty Crocker 2 fingered salute just to piss you off? wink

FeistyLass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:22:03

I think she's just angry that her dh isn't respecting her wishes and, in some ways, the whole wasted food issue is a red herring.

BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:22:07

Do you chase the birds away in case they eat less than perfect breadcrumbs?

Numberlock Mon 21-Jan-13 15:22:08

There is a system, dh and the children are well aware of it

I want to know more about the system! Is it documented and audited (like ISO9001 for example) and the husband and kids received formal training on it?

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:22:18

(this thread is so ridiculous, yet the thing that has outraged me the most is the assertion that there are no birds! If it weren't Snowmageddon, I'd have to take a trip tot he grip shop for myself)

Sallyingforth Mon 21-Jan-13 15:22:19

Here's an idea OP.
Next time you bake some less-than-perfect cakes, post up a picture in your profile. We'll tell you if they look good enough and come round and eat them for you.

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:02

You should just urinate on any cakes not quite making your cake standard. That would stop the fucker.

TarkaLiotta Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:12

What a complete cunt. Leave him. Now. Or preferably kill him. Fucker angry

Megatron Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:15

But OP, and I ask this in all seriousness. Do you really think this is an important issue? Really?

"Knowingly sneaking into the kitchen" - is he not normally allowed in the kitchen then?

Why does it upset you and make you feel embarrassed if he eats the sub standard ones? And why don't you just throw them in the bin?

Is this a reverse AIBU? Or what?


StuffezLaBouche Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:41

Perhaps he can't tell the difference between your condemned cakes and acceptable ones?

BIWI Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:43

People are not being hostile. People are just incredulous because this is a bonkers thread, and so they don't believe you.

If it's true, you really do need to get out a bit more.

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:56

what is a trip tot he grip shop ?

PandaOnAPushBike Mon 21-Jan-13 15:24:29

OP are you related to the MIL whose 'son's wife' wouldn't do what she was told either? You sound awfully similar. How did the intervention meeting with your sons go?

TheFallenNinja Mon 21-Jan-13 15:24:30

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mrscog Mon 21-Jan-13 15:24:48

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 21-Jan-13 15:25:00

OP... Listen up. YOU think your perfect cakes are perfect... other people might not think as much of them as you do. Unless you live on your own you don't get to control everything around you.

I wonder if you have enough to focus on in your daily life really if you can get so sound up (and furious) about such a very silly, trivial thing as this. People who are busy, who have focus and purpose just... er wouldn't. You sound ridiculously strange and, whilst it might sound amusing to some, it doesn't to me. I wouldn't think much of a woman (or man) who carries on like this and I doubt your husband is much impressed either.

FreudianLisp Mon 21-Jan-13 15:25:01

How is he going to fix the oven if he's not allowed to sneak into the kitchen?

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:25:24

TarkaLiotta please do not call my husband a c*nt.

I like the suggestion of using washing up liquid on them. Although I still feel I shouldn't have to do this, he should just not eat them when he knows they are not for eating.

Madlizzy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:25:42

Him not pulling his weight is a completely separate issue. You are wasteful. Tell you what, next time your cakes aren't perfect, chuck 'em over this way, because we'd eat them. We're poor, you see, and can't afford waste and indeed go without nice things. Cakes don't have to be perfect to be enjoyed.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:26:09

^threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:56
what is a trip tot he grip shop ?^

Er, it's how a bad typist (me), types 'a trip to the grip shop'. Ie I need to get a grip (being so piqued that someone would pretendingly suggest there are no birds).

orangeandlemons Mon 21-Jan-13 15:26:18

We eat everything I make, burnt or not. I would not ever ever throw away a burnt cake. The waste of time and money. Just cut the burnt bits off surely?

TheFallenNinja Mon 21-Jan-13 15:26:22

"so he strops off to work having called me a "control freak" in front of our children who were sitting having their breakfast"

After you had had a go at him "in front of the children who were sitting having their breakfast"

Glittertwins Mon 21-Jan-13 15:26:56

Just improve your baking then so he doesn't go on the naughty step

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:26:58

seriously op
you would put soap on them just so your dh can't eat them,,,,,,,,
really ?? is this all you have to worry about?

no birds.

That is statistically impossible.

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:28:19

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greenhill Mon 21-Jan-13 15:29:16

threesocks I think it was a typo for "a trip to the grip shop"

alfrex is there anything else worrying you? Serious question. Is there anything else you need to talk about?

countrykitten Mon 21-Jan-13 15:29:44

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FredFredGeorge Mon 21-Jan-13 15:30:04

I wonder if the lack of birds and the importance of not eating the "bad" cakes are related? Did the OP poison all the birds on previous baking attempts and is now worried she might kill DH - thus requiring all the control-freakery?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 21-Jan-13 15:30:21

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threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:30:35

greenhill I know I said it a few times and got it after I posted

oldqueencrepey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:30:58

When I read your OP I felt bemused and a little bit scared of the ranty cake making lady...
By the time I got to the end i was really laughing, esp. at "no birds here".
if you have made this up then ta for the entertainment. if this is a real problem in your world then I think you have a bigger problem that some slightly under par / not 110% perfect / shame up buns....

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FeistyLass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:31:06

Numberlock and aliasjoey - glad you liked 'passive-aggressive cake eating'. It made me laugh as I was typing it. grin
Although I do have a sneaking sympathy with the OP as my dsis can be a bit precious about her baking and cooking so I could see her getting into a similar state and dbil deliberately winding her up. We have no such standards in our house.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:31:09

"well we don't have any birds here"

Well I need to know where you are.

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:31:15

TheFallenNinja, yes I suppose I did have a go in front of the children but I spoke quietly and did not name call. I pointed out that the children knew better than to behave like this and asked him why he felt he could not wait for me to put out cakes that were worth eating. He was standing over the bin shovelling them into his mouth, I found it disrespectful.

Why are people being so rude? Why would I eed to see a psychiatrist? I can take criticism, I asked for it, but rudness isn't necessary surely.

2wwmadness Mon 21-Jan-13 15:31:34

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RedHelenB Mon 21-Jan-13 15:32:17

YABvU & if you value your children & your marriage you need to get a grip & stop being so controlling!

BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:32:29

I have visions of the OP running screaming into her kitchen yelling 'Noooooooo' as her poor DH tries to eat a slightly burnt fairy cake.

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:32:29

Why do you need help?

Well, you don't believe that there are birds in the sky where you live, for starters.

AbuseHamzaMousseCake Mon 21-Jan-13 15:32:52

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Glittertwins Mon 21-Jan-13 15:33:05

It honestly doesn't sound like you can accept criticism from your posts, that's the point

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:33:43

Dear OP
Yabu, your dh is a grown man and should be allowed to eat condemned cakes .
love threesocks x

(is that polite enough?)

Chandon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:04

OP, you sound about 11.

When I was your age, I used to call people up with bogus problems ( my cat is climbing the curtains!), it was fun.

Long live the internet.

PatriciaHolm Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:07

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KitchenandJumble Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:19

What an odd thread. Surely your DH is a grown man who can choose which cakes he'd like to eat? Reacting with fury and embarrassment strikes me as a really extreme response. And yes, very controlling indeed.

Habble Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:23


But why does it embarrass you if he eats less-than-perfect cakes? It isn't a personal failing.

SpudtheScarecrow Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:26

In our house it's DH's job to eat up the burnt bits grin

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:26

I am not vile sad

I love my husband and my children. That is why I take good care of them and provide nice things for them to eat. What is wrong with that?

RedHelenB Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:56


Startail Mon 21-Jan-13 15:34:59

My DH eats burn toast, crap cake and toasts bread I'd give to the birds. Ours not to reason why?

DD2 would blame it on their Y chromosome.

DH's favorite is saying he'll just have bread and cheese if I'm a bit short on portions. We get odd amounts of leftovers with DDs having or not having eaten at school and messing me about.

I hate cold cheese so I'm insulted that by this comment, he doesn't get that I'm insulted because he likes bread and cheese.

He never gets it, I always cook a bit of something else.

If my spouse told me off in front of my children like you did to your h, I would find that disrespectful. And calling you a control freak is hardly name-calling.

lynniep Mon 21-Jan-13 15:35:37

still PMSL at 'condemned cakes'. I feel for those cakes I really do. LTB!!

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 21-Jan-13 15:35:44

What kind of cake was it out of interest??

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usualsuspect Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:01


countrykitten Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:08

Condemned cakes! This phrase has just made me spurt coffee all over my keyboard! Best laugh I have had in ages. Thank you alfrex!

FeistyLass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:09

I'm so thankful to mn. Until today I didn't know there were 'condemned cakes' in the world. Perhaps someone should start a facebook campaign for them? grin

HyvaPaiva Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:21

'Why should I empty the bin and fix the oven? They are his jobs.'

Not enough hmm in the world.

BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:22

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Chandon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:23

Shoveling you say, SHOVELING?! Don't you mean shoving?

Or is this some kind of snow related delusional problem?

oldqueencrepey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:54

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Numberlock Mon 21-Jan-13 15:37:17

Numberlock and aliasjoey - glad you liked 'passive-aggressive cake eating'. It made me laugh as I was typing it

Feisty There's another thread on here where AnyFucker refers to The Top Ten of Shite Not To Take From Men and I'm now wondering if PACE is on the list...

RedHelenB Mon 21-Jan-13 15:37:17

And in all seriousness if you can't see why NOBODY thinks you were in the right might suggest that you do need to look at what is normal behaviour. Are you equally strung up about the house being kept perfect as well?

mrscog Mon 21-Jan-13 15:37:44

I think the reason why people are suggesting psychiatric help is because your response is SO disproportional to the act. So you've made cakes that aren't up to the standard that you'd like, but they are obviously edible as your DH not only fancied trying them but then ate them. Your perception of how good or bad they are is clearly warped. You are then being super controlling over your DH's ability to make a rational adult decision for himself over whether he wants to eat them or not. Your behaviour is almost mildly abusive - imagine if this thread was reversed in relationships - 'DH has banned me from eating cakes which were fine but he thought they weren't good enough'. People would be telling you to LTB!

You then see it as something to be embarrassed about - in a marriage there shouldn't be embarrassment over something so trivial.

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:38:10

Deciding what your DH is allowed to eat is not loving. It is controlling to a bizarre degree.

YorkshireDeb Mon 21-Jan-13 15:38:25

Thanks op, you've made my day. I've been sitting here laughing like a mad woman reading this thread. My favourite bit was 'there are no birds here"! If you hadn't said that it might've been easier to think you were serious but is there actually anywhere in the world with no birds? X

dischordant Mon 21-Jan-13 15:38:26

Did you really tell your DH he 'should know better for behaving like that'?

Poor fella, he's not three. You were wrong, you're not quite getting that though, I'm feeling.

miggy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:39:34

another house here where it is one of DHs duties to eat the disasters.
Last week I made a tooth killing flapjack bake, kids declared it vile and named it "the thing", DH gamely made his way through it to avoid waste.

Makes me feel so much better for my mild control freakiness

LeeCoakley Mon 21-Jan-13 15:39:47

Hang on. First you said he 'sauntered' into the kitchen and later you said he 'sneaked'. I can't make a judgement until that's sorted out.

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:41:05

Oh lol at me being abusive to dh. He is treated with kid gloves I assure you. So I don't want him to grab and eat the burnt cakes I have put by the bin. I baked them, so he should respect it if I do not want them eaten. My childre know better, am I abusing them as well?

oldqueencrepey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:41:22

oh OP pleeeeeeeease tell us whereabouts in the world you are where there are no birds, pleeeeeease. In fact if it turns out you are living at the North Pole i may change my view to take into account your heroic baking attempts in such harsh conditions....

hippo123 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:41:42

Yabu, and if you sat down and thought about it I think you would realise that. No your dh should not have called you a control freak in front of your children, but I think that is quite mild compared to what lots of people would say. And why no birds? I'm completely baffled by that one.

orangeandlemons Mon 21-Jan-13 15:42:03

I just don't understand what is wrong with eating burnt cake......I really don't understand....

FanFuckingTastic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:43:23

Take the cakes and go feed the ducks then? Although I've never been anywhere with no birds.

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:43:49

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alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:43:57

Well now I am going to make dinner for my family. I will come back later and see how many more insults hav been posted.

Thanks for nothing Mumsnet!

oldqueencrepey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:43:58

it's wrong because she said so, OK? And he knew her "system" so should have known these condemned cakes WERE NOT TO BE EATEN but was very DISRESPECTFUL and scoffed them anyway. OK??

You are either Marie Antoinette incarnate, or you need to learn to bake properly.

RedHelenB Mon 21-Jan-13 15:44:15

Your language " know Better" - can't you see how infantile you are making him sound. He is a grown man & if he makes the choice to eat the cakes that his money has bought the ingredients for & paid the electricity for rather than throw them in the bin then that is perfectly normal!!!!

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Maybe he is pregnant. I have heard reports that pregnant men favour the taste of charcoal.

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 21-Jan-13 15:45:10

What were you attempting to bake op??!

Fairylea Mon 21-Jan-13 15:45:15

This is the weirdest thread ever.

Surely it's better he ate the cake than throwing it away ? Less waste and he wanted to! They must have looked nice for him to want to eat them!

Unclentch thy buttocks.

And fix the fan oven. It's anyones job. It's an oven.... in your house!

RedHelenB Mon 21-Jan-13 15:45:23

BTW, if your only worth is cooking for your family you really need to chill! A more relaxed mum & wife would definitely be preferable to a delia smith!

countrykitten Mon 21-Jan-13 15:45:52

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countrykitten Mon 21-Jan-13 15:46:04

your not you

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:46:16

ok, last one and then I am really out grin I must be off MY rocker to be still trying!

chucking skepticism in a box for 2 seconds...

If the whole world tells you you're wrong, it is not likely that the whole world is wrong and you are right. It just ISN'T.

Nobody here gives a shit about you, your husband or your cakes. There is no agenda here. People are telling you the truth.

Your behaviour is bizarre.

So bizarre that it is outside of what is considered the behaviour of a person with good mental health.

Particularly claiming where you live doesn't have any birds. birds are everywhere. Everywhere. There is no place on earth (above water!) that does not have them. Apart from maybe the top of high mountains. So if you live in a hut at the top of mount everest, I accept there may not be a lot of birds.

HarrietSchulenberg Mon 21-Jan-13 15:46:40

Snigger at poor old Alfrex being stuck in 1952. Look, sort the fan out yourself (quick phone call will bring someone with oven-related toolkit to your door). Empty the bin yourself, it's not hard.
And stop trying to be perfect in the baking department. You clearly are not perfect, just like the rest of the human race, and imperfect bakery goods are not poisonous. On the contrary, they often taste better than the good-looking ones. If you can't accept that then perhaps you need to step away from the cupcake tin for a while.

RedHelenB Mon 21-Jan-13 15:46:52

If it were a man telling a woman they couldn't eat the burnt cakes then everyone would agree they were being abusive so I can't see the other way round as being any different.

Numberlock Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:02

oh OP pleeeeeeeease tell us whereabouts in the world you are where there are no birds, pleeeeeease

Anyone else think of something more sinister, like China during the Cultural Revolution when Mao killed off all the sparrows? shock

usualsuspect Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:26

Be careful you don't burn the dinner.

oldqueencrepey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:27

it's wrong because she said so, OK? And he knew her "system" so should have known these condemned cakes WERE NOT TO BE EATEN but was very DISRESPECTFUL and scoffed them anyway. OK??

OP lives in an aquarium, dontcha know?

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:49

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time
You are near.

Just like me
They long to eat
Cakes like pooh

countrykitten Mon 21-Jan-13 15:49:03

OP is a mermaid.

I want to know what the dinner system is......

LeeCoakley Mon 21-Jan-13 15:49:43

I realise that you are proud of your cooking and prefer your family to eat your best efforts but if you are embarrassed about your dh eating sub-standard ones, why are you not embarrassed about him seeing them? I mean, why not hide them until they have cooled down? Then you can shove them in a bag then straight into the dustbin. This way there is no room for error.

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yousankmybattleship Mon 21-Jan-13 15:50:14

OP - what have you done with the birds?

Did they Not obey the rules.....

Yes, it is like you proudly display your cake failures, why?
So he can see that you put more effort in than is actually edible?
Why not invest in paper bags to put your failures in until they cool down, when you bake so many cakes that turn out bad?

ShatnersBassoon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:52:14

"Thanks for nothing Mumsnet! "

What did you want? Approval for having such a tightly controlled home baking system? Lighten up and let the poor bloke taste a bit of burnt cake if he fancies it. Also, have a look up next time you go out to empty the bin - you'll see these things with wings in the sky.

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 21-Jan-13 15:53:04


Destination unknown for that

Is this in Classics yet? It's the funniest thread I've read this year!

HintofBream Mon 21-Jan-13 15:53:32

If Hecate is right about the birdless hut on Mt Everest, it would also explain the cake problem. It is very difficult to make them rise at high altitude. Fan or no fan.

UC Mon 21-Jan-13 15:54:41

This is just weird:

" I pointed out that the children knew better than to behave like this and asked him why he felt he could not wait for me to put out cakes that were worth eating. He was standing over the bin shovelling them into his mouth, I found it disrespectful".

My children know better than to do things like hit other children, poke their noses and eat it at the dinner table, swear at me. Yours know better than to eat a less than perfect cake?

Thinks a DP might do that are disrespectful - shout at you in front of the children, argue with you over parenting in front of the children, tell you that you are stupid. But disrespectful to eat a less than perfect cake?

Very very very strange.

grin @ condemned cakes

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 15:55:10

Just because cakes don't look right to you doesn't mean they are inedible.

I agree with others, apart from being wasteful, you do seem to be a controlling person who denies a nice taste to the members of her family

EuroShagmore Mon 21-Jan-13 15:56:09

<Bakes giant chill pill shaped cake>

ClartyCarol Mon 21-Jan-13 15:56:11

You are embarrassed if your DH even looks at your sub-standard cakes? Unless your DH is Paul Hollywood then you are clearly being very odd.

Have not RTFT.

Sometimes, for shits and giggles, I like to fashion foods out of other things. For example you could create more cakes using only lard and icing. When your thieving tinker of a husband creeps up to the slag heap of substandard below par confections you have left out for the bin, he will be in for a greasy surprise. Ho ho ho. How's he like them apples!

Sunnywithshowers Mon 21-Jan-13 15:56:33

No birds? Not even a teeny one?

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 15:56:37

Anyway, why couldn't you use them at the bottom of a trifle or a variation of bread and butter pudding?

Persuasion Mon 21-Jan-13 15:57:45

Presumably there are no birds because you never put any cake out for them? I can just imagine a row of them on the windowsill watching tray after tray of cakes be put into the bin, there's only so long a sparrow can take that sort of mental torture before it goes to write it's suicide note....


Megatron Mon 21-Jan-13 15:58:58

You do understand that your husband is not one of your children don't you? Do you 'scold' him for other misdemeanors or just the ones involving cakes? I feel sorry for the fella I really do.

I too am off to cook dinner for my family shortly, DH better follow my instructions to the letter or he's out on his arse.

beenalongtimecoming Mon 21-Jan-13 15:59:09

YANBU about the cakes OP, YAmerelyBU not to have one of these signs on the cake so no-one can abuse the system by eating anything that is not preapproved by you.

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Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 21-Jan-13 15:59:11

Maybe he's sticking two fingers up to you because you are treating him like a child. He's an adult. If he wants to eat burnt cake, he can eat burnt cake, it's not a big deal.

You however OP, have control issues. Telling him off in front of your kids like a naughty child?? What else is he not allowed to do?

Get A Grip.

Oh and take the hint, no one here agrees with you. It's one of the risks of posting on the Internet.

Plus, why are you wasting cake by throwing it away? Use it for something else or feed it to the ducks or something. It's very wasteful.

dischordant Mon 21-Jan-13 15:59:37

You treat him with kid gloves? Have a system for substandard cakes?

Don't forget to pretty yourself up & warm his slippers, he'll be home soon....

3monkeys3 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:00:08

This thread is bonkers!

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 16:00:16

I await the angry husband, who will tell us off...

KatoPotato Mon 21-Jan-13 16:00:41

Dustbin bun tray/intray. Got to have a system (Harry Hill)

Tee2072 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:00:52

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Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 16:01:09

Perhaps it's Mrs Crimble and DZh is Mr Kipling.lthere ouldn't be professional rivalry

Habble Mon 21-Jan-13 16:01:15

<sympathetic post alert>

I sort of (only sort of!) understand where the OP is coming from. I love baking but a huge part of it is linked to my wanting to please people all the time (and who isn't pleased by cakes?).

I get annoyed at myself if things don't come out right because I feel slightly like my self worth is bound up with it all. When people have praised you for years for making things (I know they're only being polite, I really don't fancy myself as the next Dan Lepard) it makes the whole cycle of affirmation and feeling good stronger, which is why when things go wrong, I'm especially hard on myself.

Before I get ripped to shreds, I know this is bonkers and that my baking isn't indicative of my worth as a person but it's hard to break away from that mindset. I still bake though, and if things go completely to pot a bit wrong, I'd still hand it out, precisely because I'm trying to stop this mindframe.

It doesn't sound very fun your your DH though OP, if he's being shouted at for having food that he's chosen to eat. I understand that it might matter to you (perhaps you're a bit of a perfectionist like me) but it's not worth living in a miserable household over a burnt bit of cake.

CheerMum Mon 21-Jan-13 16:01:52

Oh and OP, when you bake, if you take a knife and prod your cake with it you can see if it is baked enough ( when stuck in, it should come out clean )and when the edges start to go brown, take them out. Cook at a lower heat but longer time should sort out your baking problems.

Ask your home ec teacher when school opens back up tomorrow, they can explain it to you as well.

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 16:02:03

To fix the fan oven.
1) Get a phonebook
2) Find a repair man
3) Call him (or her, so as not to be sexist)
Job done.
How easy peasy is that?

BlameItOnTheBogey Mon 21-Jan-13 16:02:08

OP you might not think the issue is about food waste but I find it really horrible that people just throw food away like this. It actually makes me feel a bit ill at how greedy we have become as a society that we think nothing of throwing away food because it isn't perfect.

YOu asked if you are being unreasonable; you really are. And the fact that despite everyone telling you this you still can't acknowledge it, makes me wonder if there is something else going on.

LeeCoakley Mon 21-Jan-13 16:02:49

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WhoWhatWhereWhen Mon 21-Jan-13 16:03:19

Mr.Alfrex, I feel your pain my friend I really do

defineme Mon 21-Jan-13 16:03:20

I'm sorry op-everyone shouting 'you're mad' doesn't really help does it?

Your dh needs a discussion to sort out who does what and why it needs to be done.

<gently> Would you like to feel less bothered when stuff doesn't work out as you'd planned? Perhaps you could consider whether there is anything in your past which has made you feel you need to be perfect or failure/mistakes are unacceptable?

Most people feel that burnt cakes are funny/irritating rather than embarrassing (which suggests you feel there is some fault with you) and that's why you're receiving so many hurtful comments.

Do have a think about this because I think you're genuinely mixed up in your attitude towards stuff and I think you'd feel a lot better generally if you sorted some issues out.

I do sort of see where the OP is coming from in that I get embarrassed by cake failures too. That said, if DH or DS was happy to eat them I'd prefer that to wasting them. I also wouldn't give them to the birds as there are lots of cats here & I'd hate birds to get caught and brought in and disembowelled by my two

Other than that no I can't get the OP at all.

Behindthesofa Mon 21-Jan-13 16:03:51

Sod the cakes.
Where do you live that has no birds?
I am scared of birds so would like to move there.

I also like cake.

In any form.

beenalongtimecoming Mon 21-Jan-13 16:04:54

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HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 16:06:29

You don't say, Lee? grin

acsec Mon 21-Jan-13 16:06:32

Very odd! I'd be more upset if DP ate the cakes that were destined for greater things, such as being a birthday cake, than for the bin!

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 16:06:42

This has the potential to go Classic.

Ashoething Mon 21-Jan-13 16:07:19

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LeeCoakley Mon 21-Jan-13 16:08:55

Oh, am I being slow today? grin

skullcandy Mon 21-Jan-13 16:09:08

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Pigsmummy Mon 21-Jan-13 16:09:23

This is a very entertaining thread, thanks for posting OP, only problem is that I want cake now, perfect/burnt/or otherwise!

Yabvu btw

KatoPotato Mon 21-Jan-13 16:09:38

Bin tray/In tray. Don't mess

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 16:10:11

I just don't like wastefulness. Before I'd mastered the way to make sandwich cakes rise, at least one would sink in the middle. The decent one would be underneath the sunken one and the butter icing would hide the dip by filling it with butter cream before the rest of the top was spread with it more liberally.

Just remember, OP (King Alfred), that this country is losing birds because of lack of habitat and lack of food. Okay so cake is not a proper food for them but at least it would give them something even if it's just energy.

givemeaclue Mon 21-Jan-13 16:10:47

Love it. Good work Alf.

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KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 16:14:52

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JustFabulous Mon 21-Jan-13 16:15:31

He knows you only want him to eat your perfect cakes but he loves them so much he enjoys them even if they are less than amazing.

Take it as a compliment.

In future if it is that important to you just bin them straight away. You can put hot things in the oven.

If it is burning on the top but under cooked in the middle put tin foil on the top of the cake.

ShamyFarrahCooper Mon 21-Jan-13 16:16:36

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You said 'sometimes my cakes are beautiful...'

If you bake so many bad ones that you actually require a SYSTEM to deal with their disposal then perhaps baking really isn't for you and you should take up another hobby - like basket weaving? I hear that is nice and restful.

I bake a lot too, it's not difficult and if you are cocking up enough to need a disposal system what on earth are you doing wrong?

As for disrespectful behaviour - it is HUGELY disrespectful to whomever earns the money that pays for your baking ingredients for you to waste so much. It is also HUGELY disrespectful to tell an adult what they can and can't eat.

If he ate it and enjoyed it (and from the so called shovelling it sounds like he did) then that is what matters.

The point of baking is to make something that TASTES good. Looks are secondary.

LaurieBlueBell Mon 21-Jan-13 16:19:34

Ok, I just got home after tough day. Made a brew and thought I would unwind with half an hours MNetting.

Just left the "I had baby after 11 months marriage and everyones laughing at me thread" feeling a bit scared. Then opened this one.
The world of MN has gone mad. I'm off to do some housework. I'm not risking looking at another one.

madoldbird Mon 21-Jan-13 16:20:16

grin genius thread! Thank you Alfrex for cheering me right up!

LadyBigtoes Mon 21-Jan-13 16:21:59

If you do so much baking, why do you create rubbish cakes so regularly that you need a "system" for dealing with them? confused

I can just picture your DH "cramming" them in as you say, hoping you wouldn't catch him. It's madness. If you leave a freshly baked cake lying around someone will be tempted. If it's that terrible, put them outside in the wheelie bin straight away - no confusion.

I have RTFT.

I don't care why the OP will not allow her DH or DCs to eat anything unless it is of Michelin star quality.

I don't care that ringing up a man to fix a fan oven takes about 30 seconds.

I don't even care that there are people in existence who would rather put washing up liquid on their cakes than let people eat them.
And whilst I feel a bit sorry for the DH having to "sneak" into his own kitchen and shove cake down his throat so quickly he may choke, in case the OP catches him, the only thing I really care about is....

Literally no birds anywhere in the sky?
No even a solitary sparrow hopping on the lawn or a teeny tiny magpie in the sky?

How is that even possible?

Was your DH so hungry one day that he ate all of the birds?

LadyBigtoes Mon 21-Jan-13 16:22:29

x-post coola!

CheerMum Mon 21-Jan-13 16:24:01

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DoItToJulia Mon 21-Jan-13 16:26:13

Arf at being married to Paul Hollywood! It's the only explanation!

OwlCatMouse Mon 21-Jan-13 16:26:39

How on earth do you fuck up so many cakes that this is even an issue?

magimedi88 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:28:06

I've had to go to the loo twice while reading this - it's really cheered me up!

Condemned cakes!

No birds

And other various brilliant & genius ripostes!!

There's a system owl
A skanky cake system.
But DH keeps ignoring it.

I'd suggest it's not the fault of the oven but the fault of the person using it.......

seeker Mon 21-Jan-13 16:28:28

I bake cakes for money. My family know better than to eat a perfect cake if the see one out on a plate!

Fortunately there are usually enough sunk or burnt- (but not wet in the middle, I am inclined to over, rather than under, bake) -to keep people well supplied!

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 16:28:51

this thread will for ever be "condemned cake at the house of no birds"
in my memory now

magimedi88 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:29:18

And I've just realised OP's name has to be a combo of Alfred & Trex!! grin

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 16:29:19

How on earth do you fuck up so many cakes that this is even an issue?

Especially as you do so much baking grin

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KatoPotato Mon 21-Jan-13 16:30:06

You gotta have a system Bun tray/ Bin tray/ In Tray.

Hey OP, have you tried those "just add water" cake mixes.......?

Kyrptonite Mon 21-Jan-13 16:31:24

Are you Tana Ramsey? Or Jools Oliver?

Or even possibly Anthea Turner.

ICBINEG Mon 21-Jan-13 16:32:25

hmmm I think this is interesting actually....I mean who do the cakes belong to once they are baked?

The perfect cakes are free game it ownership of perfect cakes is transferred from the OP to the family and the OP no longer retains the right to distribute them as she sees fit...

But sub par cakes remain the sole possession of the OP.

All clear so far...but why does the OP get to be the sole arbiter of sub-par-ness?

What if the DH, apparently a rational sentient adult has a different definition of sub par?

In this case the OP is essentially removing his adult right to decide if a cake is edible.

This seems to me to be infantlising the DH and somewhat controlling....

So on balance I think YABU, for thinking your opinion on a cakes worthiness is more important than anyone else's. ust coz you baked it doesn't automatically make you right.


Another weird fred? WTF?


MNHQ I beg you please don't delete this thread! I don't care if it's a bridge dweller or full of troll hunting it has had me in fits of giggles!!

Bella88 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:35:23

The Op is obviously Mrs Kipling.

Samu2 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:35:31

I feel sorry for your husband!

My husband eats a lot of my shit that I considered ruined. It's a compliment!

It makes me smile that he still enjoys something I make even if it isn't perfect.

Plus, he would be really pissed off if I wasted a cake and just threw it out. What a waste.

ShamyFarrahCooper Mon 21-Jan-13 16:36:55

Actually krytonite I've made Tana Ramsey's lemon drizzle cake and it's lush.

Didn't burn it either. wink

TheSecondComing Mon 21-Jan-13 16:37:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 16:39:00

No, TheSecondComing you have not. It only gets crazier.


KatoPotato Mon 21-Jan-13 16:39:15

I really want these other threads to happen too. I hope DH does a lot of sauntering!

countrykitten Mon 21-Jan-13 16:39:45

Very funny OP. You have cheered up my Monday evening! Wanders off slightly relieved that this is a wind up and that no one can actually be that

Valpollicella Mon 21-Jan-13 16:40:14

Cheers Pag, I now have your corrupted version of the Carpenters going round in my head grin Snorted at my desk and my colleagues asked me what I was laughing at.

KitchenandJumble Mon 21-Jan-13 16:40:17

(With apologies to Keats. . .)

O what can ail thee, wretched man,
In the kitchen palely loitering?
You've eaten bits of condemned cake,
And no birds sing.

RubyGates Mon 21-Jan-13 16:40:21


I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to know

<stamps foot>

BarredfromhavingStella Mon 21-Jan-13 16:40:34

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BlackAffronted Mon 21-Jan-13 16:40:36

Wont anyone think of the birds? sad

Ok I admit I've skimmed because I'm saving this brilliant thread for later when the children are asleep so I can really enjoy it.

If he is happy to eat the cakes let the poor bugger eat them. I made a truly foul coffee cake recently, the coffee had gone stale and I detest coffee and coffee cake so didn't taste it. DH (who the cake was for) admitted it tasted funny but it didn't bother him enough not to eat it. If he wanted to eat horrible cake it was entirely up to him. He's a grown up.

Major fuss about nothing and, tbh, if cake making causes you such stress and your cakes are regularly so bad that you have a system for disposing of them then maybe you need to take up cross-stitch or something instead. Baking is supposed to be enjoyable.

DreamingofSummer Mon 21-Jan-13 16:41:30

I blame care in the community.

aliasjoey Mon 21-Jan-13 16:41:46

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Valpollicella Mon 21-Jan-13 16:41:48


None. At all her DH probably ate them all as he's not allowed in the kitchen

2teens2tots Mon 21-Jan-13 16:42:46

I can't imagine telling my husband what he can and can't eat , surely you can't be that controlling that a grown man has to ask permission first !

TheSecondComing Mon 21-Jan-13 16:43:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DreamingofSummer Mon 21-Jan-13 16:43:27

Perhaps the birds were blackbirds and are now in a pie which might be condemned

YorkshireDeb Mon 21-Jan-13 16:43:47

thesecondcoming you missed that she lives in a place with no birds (hence she can't feed the cake to the birds instead of putting it in the bin. And she is married to Paul Hollywood so she is quite right to be ashamed of her substandard baking skills. X

I wonder are there any animals where the OP lives?
Squirrels, foxes, spiders?

Or is it a sterile bubble?

Valpollicella Mon 21-Jan-13 16:44:21

Is this one of your cakes OP?

It's just if you google alfrex + cake this is what you get

EuphemiaLennox Mon 21-Jan-13 16:45:47

I can kind of imagine maybe going 'oh no those were for the bin they're horrible' in a mildly irritated manner upon discovering my DH shovelling burnt cake into his mouth over the bin. But then I imagine he'd mumble 'it's ok they taste really good' through all the cake in his mouth, and I'd shrug my shoulders.

It's the 'furious' 'the system' the 'knowing better' and the bothering to post on the internet about it that really makes you seem unhinged about such a tiny insignificant matter.

You do sound excessively controlling and obviously your DH thinks this too so you really need to consider that issue.

He is an adult, he can eat whatever he likes, trying to dictate what he can or cannot eat eat is not loving behaviour.

FannyFifer Mon 21-Jan-13 16:48:39

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PessaryPam Mon 21-Jan-13 16:50:24

Will no-one think of the birds??!!

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 21-Jan-13 16:50:39

Hi everyone,

Thanks to everyone who reported this thread to us. We can assure anyone who was worried that the OP is a regular MN and we have absolutely no concerns about her posting history/intentions. Please stick to the guidelines and cool it with the PAs and trollhunting.

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 21-Jan-13 16:51:19

OP, surely he is actually giving you a compliment because he thinks that even the cakes which aren't up to your usual standard are still good to eat.

Surely it is up to the adult eating it to decide whether it is fit to be eaten or not.

You really are being unreasonable OP.

KatoPotato Mon 21-Jan-13 16:52:48

Yes everyone, stick to the guidelines...

Plate on the side, tuck right in,
If it's by the bin, scoffing be sin.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 16:52:49

People actually reported this thread to admin? confused

"No birds, no birds
The sky is swollen black
No birds, no birds
Holy mass of dead insect"

Name that song

But where are the birds????

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 16:54:12

Wow. Then I sincerely apologise for assuming this was a joke.

And I honestly, truly and in no snide way whatsoever, I promise - really really really urge you to go to your gp.

Waspie Mon 21-Jan-13 16:54:28

I've stepped back into the sixties (perhaps that's why there are no birds? Because they're all being lobbed at Tippi Hedren? hmm grin)

From what I understand, the OP bakes all day (probably in full make up, heels and wearing one of those frilly pinnies I've seen on telly while her husband is responsible for "man" jobs like emptying the bin and fixing the oven. Meanwhile she regulates his baked goods intake.

Fucking bizarre.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 21-Jan-13 16:55:06

Laurie - I did the same and I was going to go and do some housework, but an awful thread is still better than good housework grin and even though the OP is a troll/nucking futz - all the other comments are hillarious!

weegiemum Mon 21-Jan-13 16:55:08

Sat week my dh ate banana cake that had gone a bit mouldy!

He cut off the mouldy bit and ate it with a cuppa.

I luff him - he even loves my furry baking!

OxfordBags Mon 21-Jan-13 16:55:20

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Dawndonna Mon 21-Jan-13 16:56:20

* I pointed out that the children knew better than to behave like this and asked him why he felt he could not wait for me to put out cakes that were worth eating. He was standing over the bin shovelling them into his mouth, I found it disrespectful.*
The cakes were condemned
There are no birds

You have some really serious issues, lady!

bringnbuy Mon 21-Jan-13 16:57:09

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hecate I thought they meant it was a regular poster who was having a laugh. There's no way it's a real thread! Surely?

RubyGates Mon 21-Jan-13 16:58:58

You are the Belle Dame Sans Merci and I calim my UK5pounds.

Ah, what can ail thee, wretched wight,
Alone and palely loitering;
The sedge is wither'd from the lake,
And no birds sing.

Ah, what can ail thee, wretched wight,
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel's granary is full,
And the harvest's done.

I see a lily on thy brow,
With anguish moist and fever dew;
And on thy cheek a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads
Full beautiful, a faery's child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long;
For sideways would she lean, and sing
A faery's song.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She look'd at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna dew;
And sure in language strange she said,
I love thee true.

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she gaz'd and sighed deep,
And there I shut her wild sad eyes--
So kiss'd to sleep.

And there we slumber'd on the moss,
And there I dream'd, ah woe betide,
The latest dream I ever dream'd
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings, and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
Who cry'd--"La belle Dame sans merci
Hath thee in thrall!"

I saw their starv'd lips in the gloam
With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke, and found me here
On the cold hill side.

And this is why I sojourn here
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is wither'd from the lake,
And no birds sing.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 21-Jan-13 17:00:40

TSC - mate - not a single thing. Really, not one tiny thing! But you have missed some hillarious posts from other people.

MN say this is a regular poster... I wish people wouldn't name change to be barking, I much prefer to know who they are grin

twentythirteen Mon 21-Jan-13 17:00:46

Maybe it's already been said, just wanted to say perfectionism is a trait that can be worked on. Give your OH an apologetic hug and have a think about how you can work on that, maybe make an imperfect cake on purpose and let him enjoy it.

Tee2072 Mon 21-Jan-13 17:01:51

A regular poster who I hope is having a laugh.

And you can send all your unwanted cake to me:

My House
My postcode


LynetteScavo Mon 21-Jan-13 17:02:13

I really don't care if the DH ate burnt cakes or not.

I want to know where there are no birds.

Reaa Mon 21-Jan-13 17:02:37

Wow, so this really is a real post!

HeadFairy Mon 21-Jan-13 17:03:12

OP, ignore the insults, this is the funniest thread I've read in a while grin

Can I suggest a fourth option for your cakes.. any that aren't up to your exacting standards you can forward to me grin

This thread is even odder than the fast baby one. Is there something in the air today or has all the snow caused some kind of snow madness?

ArtsMumma Mon 21-Jan-13 17:03:15

I think you should cordon off any imperfect produce to keep this insane man away from anything other than your best work. Also, disallow him any cake until he has done his jobs. Men fix things, women bake perfect cakes. How incredibly embarrassing of him to do this to you!!! hmm

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 17:05:36

Wow a lot has gone on while I was making the dinner! Who reported me? Why? I have done nothing wrong and I stand by my posts.

Just to be clear, dh knew perfectly well that if the cakes were sitting in their bun tray next to the bin then they were "condemned" (why is that so funny? They are destined for the bin) he also knew that the bin needed emptying so he should have been doing that so I could throw away urnt food and rubbish, not stood there gobbling down the evidence

and yuou all dictate what your husbands eat, assuming you cook their dinner!

complexnumber Mon 21-Jan-13 17:06:10

'I want to know where there are no birds. '

Where the streets have no shame?

Alternatively in some sort of bizarre antithesis of a Hitchcock film.

squeakytoy Mon 21-Jan-13 17:07:09

weird.. utterly stark raving bonkers...

I cant actually think of anything else to say... confused

SolomanDaisy Mon 21-Jan-13 17:07:10

Aren't other people's lives strange? I can't imagine wrecking so many cakes that I need an obvious system to deal with them. Nor can I imagine going to put my carefully prepared cakes in the oven, thinking 'hmm, I wonder if the fan will work this time. Never mind, I can always chuck them out'. But apparently someone does do this.

So not a troll or apparently a regular MNer going stir-crazy and mocking us all..

Alfrex, love, you need to calm down a bit. I get that you want everything to be perfect but it life and cakes don't always work out that way. Cut off the burnt bits, slather the soggy middles in custard, feed the birds (if you put out the cupcakes they will come).

Are there underlying tensions? Do you feel DH doesn't respect the work you put into the house and raising your DC? You seem to be focusing on your condemned cupcakes - a very, very insignificant event.

Either that or you are just a fucking nutjob.

DreamingofSummer Mon 21-Jan-13 17:08:05

Do the comdemned cakes get to eat a hearty meal?

OcotoAlert Mon 21-Jan-13 17:08:29

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LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 17:08:31

Did you cook dinner in the broken fan oven Op?
And Where are the Birds ?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 21-Jan-13 17:09:10

... and hide. Bored now, you've milked it enough, OP.

Tee2072 Mon 21-Jan-13 17:09:20

I do not dictate what my husband eats, even if I do cook dinner.

I ask him to let me know what he'd like to eat and he tells me. We meal plan together.

And I would never tell him he couldn't eat something just because it was burnt.

Enigmosaurus Mon 21-Jan-13 17:09:44

What a chuffing waste. If he wants to eat burnt cake, let him. It's not a bloody insult! Mad.

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 17:10:32

Actually dh cooks more often than me. But if I cook he eats it or doesn't. I don't instruct him to avoid the mange tout because its a tad over done for my standards...

2teens2tots Mon 21-Jan-13 17:11:59

actually I don't I ask him what he would like then cook accordingly, we do the shop together and cook together quite often.... I wouldn't dream of telling him he couldn't eat something , he is an adult, same as he wouldn't dream of dictating to me.

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 17:12:33

OK well fine, I have higher standard than most

good luck to you and your dh chewing on your slimey mangetout!

RubyGates Mon 21-Jan-13 17:13:13

God no Alfrex, OH eats some very odd things.
Failed culinary experiments, stuff I've left out to throw to the birds/foxes/crow family, condemned stuff that's still in the fridge but that would stink the house out if put in the bin.

What an adult puts in their stomach is their own choice don't you think?

I'm still trying to get over the waste that must go on in your house. In ours the burnt bits get trimmed off and iced over, and the uncooked middles get sliced out and filled with fruit.

TheOriginalLadyFT Mon 21-Jan-13 17:13:59

Please just tell us where the birds are. please

seeker Mon 21-Jan-13 17:16:06

Got to love the Manics, murderofgoths!

OTheHugeManatee Mon 21-Jan-13 17:16:20

This is the funniest thread on MN in, well, ever.

OP, YABVVU but please don't change. You are beautiful, just as you are <bursts into song> grin

PenelopePitstops Mon 21-Jan-13 17:16:29

'Assuming you cook their dinner'

Hahahahahaha you really are from 1960

No birds either, do you live on the moon?

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 17:16:46


Yes, slimey mange tout.
There is a moment, an infinitesimal second when mange tout is perfectly cooked after which it is slimey and I owe it to DH to creat a mange tout bucket and instruct him not to let it foul his lips for fear of stirring my ire.

High standards does not equal totally anal and bossy.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 21-Jan-13 17:16:49

This is absolutely hilarious grin

Definitely should go in classics!

seeker Mon 21-Jan-13 17:17:18

OP. please explain to me in words of one syllable why you would rather throw away slightly imperfect cakes than have someone eat them. Please.

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 17:17:29

Stop going on and on about birds! We just don't have any, I live on the thrid floor, no garden and there just arent' any. That has nothing to do with this. I am postig about my dh blatantly ignoring me and eating food I had already decided was going in the bin.

I should say, he sent me a text saying he was sorry for shouting at me but he still thinks he should have been allowed to have them. So we will be having words again when he gets home.

PickledInAPearTree Mon 21-Jan-13 17:17:34

I quite like burned cake. Crispy.

Is the cake eating situation adn how much it annoys you just symptomatic of the overall communication difficulties that you and your DH have, OP? In which case, I understand where you are coming from. Relate?

If this is truly just about cakes and him Not Doing As He Is Told... hmm. GP? Clinical Psychologist for assessment and treatment of your control issues?
My SiL has terrible OCD and this is the kind of thing she could fixate on. V distressing to her, my DBrother and the whole family tbh.

FloatyBeatie Mon 21-Jan-13 17:18:28

Not sure whether all the reporting is funny or sad. A few years ago everyone would settle down and enjoy a good wind-up like this one. Remember the thread about a DH with a fetish for shiny metal kitchen implements? Is that still around or was it in chat?

Flisspaps Mon 21-Jan-13 17:19:14

Maybe the missing birds are in the cakes. Like the ones in the pie.

Good re 'having words', provided you mean you and DH will take turns to politely make your points and actually listen to each other.

2teens2tots Mon 21-Jan-13 17:19:32

Allowed him to have them?! do people really treat their husbands like children?

Jins Mon 21-Jan-13 17:19:58

Oh don't have more words about it when he gets home op sad

It's so unimportant in the scheme of things.

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 17:20:25

NO we don't need to go to Realate thank you. We are a very close and happy family. I do a great deal for my husband, I have supported him and we really don't have any problems.

TheOriginalLadyFT Mon 21-Jan-13 17:20:53

You know you're allowed to take the condemned cakes out of the flat and down to ground level for dispersal in crumb form for avian consumption, right?

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 17:21:26

Clearly you Do have problems if he thinks you are controlling!

TwoKidsAndCounting Mon 21-Jan-13 17:21:26

Erm, major control freak alert!

Yay! Nice to see another Manics fan Seeker! I've got Mausoleum going round and round in my head now grin

seeker Mon 21-Jan-13 17:21:54

Please tell me why he shouldn't eat them if he wants to. Please!

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 17:22:03

Yes thank you LadyFT I could do that, but I really don't have time to be running up and down with trays of cakes just because my dh can't be trusted not to act like a greedy pig!

TheOriginalLadyFT Apparently not, there are no. birds. <looks scared>

DreamingofSummer Mon 21-Jan-13 17:22:27

"..we really don't have any problems" except for your control freakery about cake.

Your surname isn't Kipling is it?

You support him unless he does not do as you wish??
Good luck to you and your DH, honestly.

SuffolkNWhat Mon 21-Jan-13 17:23:20

Blackbird silent in the dead of night
Take these broken biscuits and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this cake to rise

Blackbird silent in the dead of night
Take these sunken cakes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this scone to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird silent in the dead of night

Take these broken tarts and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this cake to rise
You were only waiting for this cake to rise
You were only waiting for this cake to rise


So the higher up you live the less birds there are? Um.. are you thinking of fish?

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 17:23:38

But...but there must be birds, even on the third floor.
You could put the cake on the windowsills, couldn't you.
Do you have windows?
Because if you don't that would explain why you never see any birds.

Greythorne Mon 21-Jan-13 17:24:00

Out if interest, is there anyone at all on this thread willing to say they agree with the OP on any of her points?

Are your words going to be " sorry, I was hormonal and being a complete arse?"
If not, you really need to book that GP appt ASAP OP confused

TheOriginalLadyFT Mon 21-Jan-13 17:24:36

You know that globally we throw away 10 billion tonnes of food annually

At a time when 870 million people in the world don't have enough to eat

Just saying, maybe something to think about when you throw away perfectly edible food

Murder 'are you thinking of fish' ROFL grin

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 21-Jan-13 17:25:05

This is the second "unusual" thread in a row where KateMN has vouched for the OP. I thought it was National Invade MN for a Laff Day, but apparently the downtimes today have driven the regulars to drink.

Mind you, KateMN seems very unfamiliar. Do you think some particularly technically adept invaders could have hacked their postings blue?

And I have horrible visions of the OP's DH as a cackling PACE gaslighting villain rubbing his hands because everyone now thinks she's a controlling loon.

Seriously ??? I got fucking deleted for telling op to get a life

What has happened to this place ? sad

Your DH ate the cakes to recreate the freedom of his youth. I bet they even tasted BETTER than your "perfect" cakes as they were forbidden, so to speak.

I suggest before you start blaming the oven fan for your cake failures, you employ Six Sigma and find out the true cause. For all you know, it could be substandard ingredients, a dodgy thermometer, out of date baking powder, or in fact the baker.

Dawndonna Mon 21-Jan-13 17:26:35

I feel really sorry for dh. You call him a greedy pig, and all sorts of other things because he ate a bit of cake not up to your ridiculous standards. Poor sod. Go get a grip/life or give the poor sod a break.

QuickLookBusy Mon 21-Jan-13 17:26:46

You must have been up very early to have made a cake before breakfast.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Mon 21-Jan-13 17:28:09

That's the weirdest OP I have ever read.

True fact.

QuickLookBusy Mon 21-Jan-13 17:28:18

Sorry missed out 14 pages.

Is it worth reading?

QLB Yes grin totally

You don't need to take them down the stairs, hoick them out of the window, but be sure there are no passersby underneath, lest they catch it and take it home for supper.

usualsuspect Mon 21-Jan-13 17:29:32

What's with all the deletions on this thread? It's obviously a wind up.

Rocknrollnerd Mon 21-Jan-13 17:29:42

What does a condemned cake get for its last meal? <ponders>

PickledInAPearTree Mon 21-Jan-13 17:30:57

I thought the BITCHBITCHBITCH thread was odd but this one take the biscuit. heh heh.

At least this is a nice gentle form of oddness.

AnonAndOnAndOn Mon 21-Jan-13 17:31:02

Why don't you just stop making cakes?

You're obviously not very good at it. And eating cake every day is going to make you all enormously fat.

If you stopped, your DH would never do anything to annoy you. And you'd have the time to re-engage with reality and actually worry about things that are worth worrying about.

QuickLookBusy Mon 21-Jan-13 17:31:08

Murder thank you, will have a read now.--I may be a while--

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 17:31:13

and yuou all dictate what your husbands eat, assuming you cook their dinner!

Well, no actually. Regardless of who cooks, the decision about what we eat is agreed upon, not dictated to.

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 17:32:07

Hahaha @ are you thinking of fish?


PickledInAPearTree Mon 21-Jan-13 17:32:24

I dictate it in my house I stand over DP with a massive bullwhip as he weeps into my curries.

Allinonebucket Mon 21-Jan-13 17:32:58

A lesson in morning temptation,
Undenied- I cannot regret the sunken sponge,
The charred raisins do not haunt me,
No matter the late words and the ice,
A crumb on my thigh, it speaks:
Forbidden cakes taste all the sweeter.

Ah, I get it (I think) did your DH scoff the burnt cakes so he wouldnt have to empty the bin? Crafty fucker, personally I wouldnt put up with it.

NoelHeadbands Mon 21-Jan-13 17:34:00

I totally get where OP is coming from. I knit a lot, and I tell DH "take from that pile- the other pile is for the bin sometime next week"

What does he do? Goes up Asda's in the three fingered gloves!

I felt like such a fool sad

ArtsMumma Mon 21-Jan-13 17:34:28

New acronym (for use when the OP is clearly batty) WDTBG? (where did the birds go?)

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 17:34:50

Is the errant husband's name Alfred by any chance?

CheeryCherry Mon 21-Jan-13 17:35:06

Maybe if you put the burnt offerings outside, it would encourage birds, and bring joy to your life. <helpful>

BIWI Mon 21-Jan-13 17:35:22

The thing is, OP,