To wonder why the fucking world is filled with spiteful rude fucking bitches who are bitchy with every given moment?

(263 Posts)
BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 14:51:56

My dd was unplanned. She was born a month before our first wedding anniversary. I felt amongst all other emotions really embarrassed I conceived so quickly after marriage. Comments from family members saying things like "oh you couldn't wait could you?!!" And "your little one wanted to come along quickly eh?!!" Didn't help with my embarrassment.

Fast forward 6 years, but dd is 5 now. I just had a phone call from one of my sil's friends, who for some fucking reason has my phone number instead of hers. I haven't seen her or met her for about 10 years. So this is the little gem this woman comes out with whilst laughing uncontrollably :

"I found out you were married <laughter> and had a baby <laughter> really quickly. I mean how old is your daughter now?"

Fucking fucking cunt bitch.

All those insecurities I had about having my dd quickly came rushing back. This fucking bitch has 4 sprogs. FOUR. Who the fuck does she think she is? The baby making police? Fucking bitch.

[if I'm being unreasonable just tell me gently, as I have serious pmt right now so might not be viewing things properly]

manormuppet Mon 21-Jan-13 14:53:15

ok
<closes door quietly>

LifeofPo Mon 21-Jan-13 14:53:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 14:54:00

Oh and sil is a ducking cunt bitch too because this bitch would be the only one telling her about my dd, so it's nice they had a nice laugh about me behind my back, fucking cunts.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to wonder what the bloody hell it has to do with anyone else.

but I do think you're being a BU to give this headspace.

<makes cup of tea and passes gooey cake over>

Mind you I had a hissy fit about my wellies being the 'wrong colour' this morning, properly like a toddler (am 41) and therefore am in no position to judge anything.

DefiniteMaybe Mon 21-Jan-13 14:54:33

Erm aren't you supposed to have lots of sex when you're first married?
I wouldn't worry too much I've got two dc and <whispers> I am unmarried.

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 14:54:47

Why would you feel embarrassed about conceiving quickly? confused

I'm not sure I really understand the rest of your post grin

manormuppet Mon 21-Jan-13 14:55:11

I presume this a piss take attempt to use the words
bitch
cunt
fucking
as often as possible.
It really won't work.

CabbageLooking Mon 21-Jan-13 14:55:16

In the nicest possible way, you sound quite bonkers. Calm down.

orangeandlemons Mon 21-Jan-13 14:55:23

I had both my ds and dd before I was married. I don't care what anyone thinks.........

firawla Mon 21-Jan-13 14:55:25

This is not a big deal, why are you letting it upset you. Its not a bad thing to have your dd quickly is it? what about if you just say something like "yes, lucky me" dont let them make you think its something to be ashamed of?! why should you!? They might be just making conversation and not realised you feel like this

TheFallenMadonna Mon 21-Jan-13 14:55:51

My DS was planned and was born before our first wedding anniversary. No idea why that would be embarassing. Do you think you might be projecting? Or something?

emsyj Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:06

"I don't really understand your embarrassment"

^ This. Emphatically.

I don't get it.

confused

BelaLugosisShed Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:11

Is this another one of those threads? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:11

Sorry, in context, I'm from an Asian back ground. My DH was my only sexual partner so dumb cunts like sil and we friend think its funny that girls would get pregnant so quickly after marriage. It's seen as "oh look they're having sex, teeheehee"

Convert Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:14

What a bitch.

I had DS 12 days before my wedding if that helps. grin

MaureenShit Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:40

christ OP

go and have a lie down

GilmoursPillow Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:42

Really, it's not worth you getting upset about. My DS was born 3 weeks after our 1st anniversary and he WAS planned.

I don't understand why you're embarrassed though (and your DH should be positively crowing he's so fertile grin ), just try and laugh it off.

FariesDoExist Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:50

calm down

manormuppet Mon 21-Jan-13 14:56:58

Nope still doesn't make sense.....

Tallgiraffe Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:03

I'm confused, your DD was born 11 months after your wedding. Why are you embarrassed?

YABU.

But I think you know that.

You need to find a way to make you peace with the fact that you conceived earlier than you would have liked.
Many an unplanned pregnancy led to a very wanted baby.
You sound v defensive and slightly unhinged are overreacting.

You could've said "Yes, aren't we lucky? She is 5 and the light of out lives. You must be knackered with 4 - do you not have central heating/TV/know about contraception?" (all of which I've been asked - I have 4 hmm).

Have a brew and calm down, dear.

PilchardsonToast Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:46

This just seems like such a strange thing for people too comment on negatively- I though most people just assume after people get married you'll try for a baby straight away and if it happens quickly that's lovely...(understand it doesn't always happen this way) really don't see how people would perceive a baby born 11 month a after your wedding as something to tease you about- tbh they just sound like idiots, ignore, ignore, ignore

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:47

wow
so much ager

FariesDoExist Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:51

You have to ignore their comments, rise above it

willselfless Mon 21-Jan-13 14:58:35

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ThePinkOcelot Mon 21-Jan-13 14:58:41

I had both of my dds before I got married. Couldn't give a flying fuck. No one said anything about them being born out of wedlock, so I really fail to see the significance of your dd being conceived not long after you were married. Big deal really!

Arthurfowlersallotment Mon 21-Jan-13 14:58:49

Why are you embarrassed?

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 14:58:56

Overeaction or what Op.
Loads and loads of women have a baby within the first year of marriage, in fact many conceive outside marriage too.
Why would anybody comment about it, and though I swear with the best of them, your language is waaay over the top.

MaureenShit Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:22

threesocks

so mcuh ager? or AGA
grin

Op you have an almighty chip - move on

Good lord, how long did it take me to type my post? blush

Could have just said 'what everybody else said'.
So you're Asian, and your fertile, and you had sex with your DH, and you had a baby within wedlock?

I really don't get the problem.

spanky2 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:38

It took me 1month to get pg with ds2. she sounds immature.

Pinot Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:47

Unless you give birth whilst walking down the aisle, I really couldn't care less.

ThingummyBob Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:52

You need to reassess the way you speak about other women as bitches etc imho.

Did you mean to be so rude hmm

hth.

HintsOfRain Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:53

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Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 21-Jan-13 15:00:57

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dischordant Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:32

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RobinSparkles Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:53

I don't understand your embarrassment either! confused

My DD1 was born 3 years BEFORE DH and I got married and DD2 was in utero at our wedding! Both were completely planned, btw.

<<Looks at calendar>> you are aware that this isn't the 1940s anymore?

Calm down dear...

<RIP Michael Winner>

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:16

So they think its hilarious that you got married and then started having sex with your husband as you had previously been a virgin so its a big deal?

I do sort of get it but its very very immature of them!

Does it make you feel clever using such foul language?

bringnbuy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:38

good, someone else who has a good swear when angry. fwiw i don't get why it bothers some people that you had your child when you did confused. wtf has it go to do with anyone and why does it matter? stupid twats with not much going on their lives by the sound of it. try and let their mundane comments go over your head

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:48

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Do you have many girl friends?
Do you actually like your DD?

FreudianLisp Mon 21-Jan-13 15:03:03

Gosh, you had sex with your husband soon after marrying him? Outrageous behaviour.

Seriously, may I very gently suggest you try to be a little less suspicious and sensitive. You have a husband and a daughter: not wrong with that.

PatriciaHolm Mon 21-Jan-13 15:03:03

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The way you talk about women is hideous, and for seemingly no reason at all.

Wind your neck in.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 15:03:28

I've namechanged. Not a troll. Just very angry. Sil has been a bitch to me and this is another thing she's been discussing with people about me again. I have other threads about sil.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 21-Jan-13 15:03:44

The longer you appear embarrassed about this the more justified they will feel for taking the piss.

Just look at them like they are stupid and tell them to grow up!

HopAndSkip Mon 21-Jan-13 15:03:48

Even with the mention of your culture being the reason, I don't see why you're embarrassed. I was single when DD was born and still am, and I never even think about it, never mind feel embarrassed of her!

You were married, from that judgement it was about 2 months after that you got pregnant? It's not even like you'd got pregnant just beforehand.
Imagine if you were still trying to concieve, I think you'd be a lot more upset wouldn't you!! Be grateful smile

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:03:54

says a lot about how you veiw your self to chose a user name like that op

manormuppet Mon 21-Jan-13 15:04:07

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YorkshireDeb Mon 21-Jan-13 15:04:12

If her issue is "tee hee, they're having sex" YANBU. How old is she? 8? Other than that I agree that you need to stop being embarrassed about it in general. Most mummies I know are unmarried. Including me. Think most people who get married first start trying straight after the wedding so unless you find it difficult TC it probably would happen within a few months. It's really not a big deal. X

IslaMann Mon 21-Jan-13 15:04:45

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ArielThePiraticalMermaid Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:14

Perhaps some anger management lessons?

apostropheuse Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:14

I think you need to take a chill pill. I really don't see what the problem is here, other than you being rather out of control with your aggressive attitude.

I had my first baby ten months after marriage, which was planned. People joked with us that it didn't take long etc. We were not in the least bit embarrassed or ashamed about that. Why would we be?

Our baby was christened on our first wedding anniversary actually. It was quite nice really.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:15

Sorry if you knew my normal name I don't normally swear. Apologise for that.

I know someone with 12 (she's 43, we were in school together - I've only got 1 though!!!)

Imagine you are standing next to her when next someone makes a comment, and have a little giggle about how silly they are being (inside your own head if you don't want to get into a row with them).

Or, if there are sniggery comments being made which you know are about you having (gasp) sex , just say "Yes my husband has a humongous willy and I can't stop shagging him"

and please take a photo of their faces doing shock and post it on your profile for us to look at grin

I honestly couldn't be bothered to properly read your thread because I couldn't be bothered to filter out all your swear words.

In fact, I can't be bothered

finishing

off

this

po....s..............t......................

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

oldqueencrepey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:42

OP, you sound very angry, quite scary and seriously unreasonable. Do you always react so angrily to perceived slights and nosiness / criticism? You sound really quite paranoid. If this is not a (hard to understand) one off problem I think you need help. It is not usual to react like this (or to rant and rave calling other women cunts and fucking bitches).

threesocksmorgan Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:45

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JeeanieYuss Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:50

Eh..... confused

manormuppet Mon 21-Jan-13 15:05:59

For someone who doesn't swear you seem to be behaving ...erm... a little out of character...

HopAndSkip Mon 21-Jan-13 15:06:33

Also, isn't one of the main reasons for marriage to have a family in most religions?
I think you're reading a lot bit too much into it really, it sounds like they're just making comments as chit chat - along the lines of "wow so much has changed since I last saw you".

FanFuckingTastic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:07:00

Oh haha, I really thought you were being ironic. But you aren't are you?

Hypocrite, look it up in the dictionary and probably wash your mouth out with soap afterwards, then plaster over that chip on your shoulder and things she be hunky dory.

Another thing she has been discussing? Telling someone you know that you are married with a child is normal conversation isn't it? You are majorly over reacting.

MrsCR Mon 21-Jan-13 15:08:20

Stop seeing your daughter as the result of some shameful behaviour!! You were married ffs! You didn't do anything wrong, and she is a real person to be proud of!

If that's what keeps this sad little minded woman happy let her have her sad little sense of humour.

A beautiful daughter is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

By feeling this you are feeding them. Act (even if you don't feel) like you dont give a shit. Because - honestly - you shouldn't. You're a grown woman.

MrsBucketxx Mon 21-Jan-13 15:09:50

Sounds like a stealth boast to me.

ToomuchWaternotWine Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:50

There is absolutely no reason in this culture, at this time, to be embarrassed or ashamed or insecure about having a baby 11 months after marriage. If you do have those feelings, you should look very hard at why? The comments in the first paragraph of your Op sound like perfectly normal, slightly joshing, comments that people make, without being damning or critical at all. Nobody came up and said "2 months of sex with your new husband, you SLUT?" Did they?

So calm down, and don't worry. Btw in your culture, is it normal to wait a long time after marriage before trying for children? Is this the normality you grew up with?

I walked down the aisle quite heavily pregnant and no one was anything but happy for me and DH (and if they said anything different behind my barrel sized back, I couldn't give a rats arse).

Don't give it another thought. It's honestly not worth it!

Op would it make you feel better to know my 11 week old son was born a year to the day that I first met my DP and you know what, I don't give a toss what people think or say, my baby is awesome :D

Wow. I have three kids and I'm not married yet. God forbid I bump into your ilk!

Theshriekingharpy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:11:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:04

I'm confused and a little bit afraid

ProphetOfDoom Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:46

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AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:42

This place just keeps getting stranger.
Are you amused by being able to say bitch,cunt and fuck on the internet? You can also say bum sex.

FreePeaceSweet Mon 21-Jan-13 15:15:04

Oh who cares? Really in this day and age? How bizarre. Me and dh got together in the January, we moved in together in the March, I was pregnant by May/June, we married in the next January and I gave birth in the Feb. Now we have 3 kids with birthdays within a 3 week period of each other and get many comments about what we get up to in June. They know what we get up to. Eejits. shock

Gwlondon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:15:30

It is a shock to get pregnant quickly. I would just say "I don't want to talk about my sex life or fertility with you thank you". you have to say it to them otherwise they might think you find it funny, rather than something you found hard.

PaellaUmbrella Mon 21-Jan-13 15:15:59

Exactly one year after I had first met my DH, I was already 2 weeks overdue with DD. She was unplanned but I have never felt embarrassment at it.

I don't think your SIL's friend was being nasty at all. Why would she give a shit when you had your DC? Sounds like she was embarrassed at having phoned you by mistake, and was just trying to make chit-chat.

Dd was born 11 months after we got married. One ex colleague was convinced I only got married due to up duffness until I pointedly asked her if she could count past 9.......wink

Moominsarehippos Mon 21-Jan-13 15:16:47

I think you need a cuppa and a sit down.

I remember mum telling me how the wife of a colleague when on about how fast she'd had her first baby after they got married (14 months). A my mum sniffly pointed out, this wife had town kids before she got down the aisle (this was in the 1950s rural countryside).

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:51

Town kids?

ThingummyBob Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:54

Harpey since they didn't know that here on MN we can swear our fucking heads off all day long if we wish because they are usually at schoool

What isn't on though is repeatedly referring to wimmin as bitches and cunts and the like beacause of the existence of a perceived slight --thats all in this schoolboys head--grin

AlienReflux Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:59

we do have a sweary thread you know, feel free to come over and just list swear words if you want? hmm

whensteaready Mon 21-Jan-13 15:18:05

I don't like your language and i dont like your user name.

Mintyy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:18:20

What a bloody stupid thread this is!

Habble Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:17

I'm also from an asian culture (unmarried and upduffed when I'd only been with DP for 6 months at 21 - now that got judgment) and obviously my experience is only my own but most of my relatives expect married couples to have children as soon as they're married. In fact, there's sneering comments and pressure if married couples don't have children straight away.

Don't worry about what anyone says - it's your life and you're only accountable to yourself. Who wants to live by other people's expectations but be miserable because of it?

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 21-Jan-13 15:24:50

Wow. Im amazed at all those who take offense to a few swear words or a user name. How pathetic!

Pffft.

Moominsarehippos Mon 21-Jan-13 15:26:23

Two kids (not town kids, but that does sound like an interesting euphemism)

Lizzylou Mon 21-Jan-13 15:27:37

I wonder how many times I can shoehorn the delightful phrase
fucking cunt bitch into conversation?

StuntGirl Mon 21-Jan-13 15:27:44

I'm amazed at everyone who can't see though the post hmm

MrsDeVere Mon 21-Jan-13 15:30:07

I don't mind a bit of swearing.
I think the OP has a bit of an issue with other women though.

And seems to have a problem about how quickly she conceived and is projecting her embarrassment onto every single sodding comment everyone makes.

So what? You got married and had sex and then had a baby. That doesn't exactly fall into the perverted sexual weirdo territory does it?

Even the fucking pope would approve and he doesn't like women much either.

FeckOffCup Mon 21-Jan-13 15:30:36

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HazleNutt Mon 21-Jan-13 15:35:16

if anybody comments how quickly you had DD just tell them that yes, you were really lucky that you didn't have any issues conceiving. Easy. Are there really cultures where you are expected not to have sex for a few years after marriage?

Crinkle77 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:36:08

Why are you so embarrassed about getting pregnant so quickly? I don't really get it. You were in a stable, loving relationship and it's not like she was conceived on a one night stand with a stranger.

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Jan-13 15:37:34

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noviceoftheday Mon 21-Jan-13 15:37:50

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MrsCampbellBlack Mon 21-Jan-13 15:39:33

Are you snowed in OP - its getting to us all wink

2wwmadness Mon 21-Jan-13 15:41:32

Sometimes reading mumsnet I really wish I had such a simple life where little problems like this were such a big deal. Your lucky OP.
Go and remember that.

Chandon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:44:42

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headinhands Mon 21-Jan-13 15:45:10

It could be that sil let slip how irrationally embarrassed you are about conceiving so soon and that sil's friend didn't believe it so she mentioned it to see your reaction.

To be honest I find it hard to understand too but hey ho.

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:01

Yep, you can swear on here. Dead exciting isn't it.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:24

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the reports. We can assure anyone who might have been worried that the OP is a regular MN and we have absolutely no concerns about her posting history/intentions. Please stick to the guidelines and cool it with the PAs and trollhunting.

littlehankiehead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:50:24

The most unreasonable person in this situation is you. The way you talk about other women is disgusting and hate filled and you sound like you have serious anger problems.

Thank you, Kate.

Ok then, OP, I think we have established you have a rather large chip on your shoulder. There is help available for that.
I hope your daughter has not picked up on the fact that you are embarrassed about her existance.

sydlexic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:52:27

which charm school did you go to?

PatriciaHolm Mon 21-Jan-13 15:52:42

Oh dear.

That means the OP was serious.

Blimey.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 15:53:15

Right. Sorry for the swearing. I'm really really angry though, that a total stranger would make a comment about how quickly my dd was born after marriage SIX years later. Her tone was very bitchy, and the fact she laughed all the way through asking me about dd how he was born so quickly was enough to make me flip. She's my sil's friend. No one else would talk about me to this woman. Sil has done and said some horrible horrible things to me in the past making me feel bad about dh's job, that I'm not rich, that I'm not to talk to certain people because they're richer than me. I have other threads but can't link them right now, I'm on the phone. This is just another thing she is obviously laughing about behind my back. I'm sick of the constant bitchy remarks. I've cut sil out of my life, yet still her shitty comments spew into my life via other routes.

Also, yes it isn't normal to swear and get angry like this. Luckily, this is the Internet and I can have an anonymous rant with swearing wink. I'd rather I did this here than in RL.

Oh look. People have reported me. Great.

Fenton Mon 21-Jan-13 15:53:31

For someone who 'doesn't usually swear' that's a fairly colourful flow of obscenities you've got there grin

I'd be more embarrassed at my language and propensity to seriously overreact if I were you.

sydlexic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:54:15

That level of reaction really isn't normal.

usualsuspect Mon 21-Jan-13 15:54:19

It's more scary that this is a regular MNetter TBH.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 15:55:37

Oh and I love my dd. I love her so much. As soon as she was born my insecurities went away, but this woman has just reminded me of those feelings and I hate her for it.

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 21-Jan-13 15:56:18

Erm, don't really know what to say.

This may be the oddest thread I have ever seen, and there's been some pretty stiff competition over the years.

usualsuspect Mon 21-Jan-13 15:57:46

And the world isn't full of 'spiteful rude bitches' either.

Your username is horrible as well.

IfNotNowThenWhen Mon 21-Jan-13 15:58:26

I just got back from the cunting corner motherfucking shop, and the fucking FUCKING bitch in front of me got the last tin of beans.
The CUNT.
It's not the first fucking time this bitch has thrwarted me in the tinned goods section.
I know where you live bean grabbing fucking BITCH.

perfectstorm Mon 21-Jan-13 15:58:29

I'd have loved a baby within the first year of marriage. Absolutely loved one. I'd love more than one, now. I lost a baby to an ectopic last year, and my only child is 5 years old this. A good friend has been married 9 years and is not pregnant despite IVF. There are worse things in life than being teased about your active marital sex life, really.

I appreciate your SIL is a pain, motive means a lot when it comes to comments, and I expect there's a history here I don't understand, but imagine how you'd feel if you'd longed for kids and it never happened? Why be so angry that your fertility is known about and acknowledged?

YouOldSlag Mon 21-Jan-13 15:59:11

Right. OK.

I don't think telling people you are married and have a daughter is exactly malicious gossip, so your anger at your SIL at giving out this news is unreasonable.

Having a baby within a year of getting married does not carry any stigma whatsoever except in your head.

You obviously have issues with your SIL and her past behaviour, but I don't this particular issue deserves such a fireball of furious anger.

Fenton Mon 21-Jan-13 16:00:00

At least your child was born in wedlock not like my two poor bastards.

AnneNonimous Mon 21-Jan-13 16:01:05

My DS is the result of a one night stand. I guess I shouldn't leave my house out of shame.

OP, seriously, calm down.

usualsuspect Mon 21-Jan-13 16:01:13

I have 3 poor bastards , Fenton.

I couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. grin

perfectstorm Mon 21-Jan-13 16:01:30

Incidentally, if someone rings to bitch, just say you have to go because someone is at the door, hang up, and then don't pick up that number again. Easily solved.

PickledInAPearTree Mon 21-Jan-13 16:02:02

I really dont see the big deal in having a baby one month before your wedding anniversary? Why do you feel that way?

Are you sure people are not just joking about?

Anyway you seem very angry about it, I think you need to have a good calm down as your reaction is not proportionate to the perceived insult, which isn't even an insult.

I mean I am not even married and Im about to pop out No2.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 16:02:37

Perfectstorm, I've had fertility issues aswell after dd. I know that pain. I don't appreciate people laughing at my sex life by making little odd remarks here and there. Its nobody's business. Yet, here, six years later, some stranger is still doing it.

Pinot Mon 21-Jan-13 16:02:56

this is cunting bitch bonkers <helpful>

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 16:04:17

Meh. I've calmed down now. Thanks for the love and support. Much appreciated.

Fenton Mon 21-Jan-13 16:05:00

shock grin

PickledInAPearTree Mon 21-Jan-13 16:05:11

How is she commenting on your fertility issues though, um Bitch? (Can I call you bitch?)

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 21-Jan-13 16:05:48

My baby was born three months before my first wedding anniversary!

Do I care? No.

Am I just very lucky? Yes. End of.

Habble Mon 21-Jan-13 16:06:32

Don't take it to heart. Detach detach detach and life will be much sweeter for it.

QuickLookBusy Mon 21-Jan-13 16:06:43

Just don't worry about it. In this day and age who really gives a toss about when a child is born?

If someone is stupid enough to gossip about how quickly you conceived, they obviously have no life. I mean, you obviously have sex after getting married.........which can often lead to pregnancy.

What is the actual problemconfused

perfectstorm Mon 21-Jan-13 16:06:52

But why allow someone who wants to make you feel crappy to do just that? So she's a mare. So her friends are tragic enough to care what other people do in their marital beds. So what?

You're spending your own emotional energy on her, when you're saying that's what she wants you to do. That's a decision, and it's one you don't need to make. Just don't give her that kind of power over you. She's a sad bitch if this is what gives her entertainment, her friend is as bad. The last time I heard this stuff, the girls in question were 16. Just let it go, and you'll be the winner. Right now you're giving her exactly what she wants in being upset by it, and it's straighforwardly idiotic.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 16:08:26

Friend of mine got married. Two weeks after the honeymoon, she im'd me and asked "Hey can I ask you a question?" and I responded "Yes. A very faint line is still a positive result." At the same time, she sent "Have you ever gotten a very faint line on a pregnancy test?"

We laughed. I joked that they hadn't wasted any time.

There was no need for embarrassment. It was a happy time for her.

I was pregnant within 4 months of getting together with OH. He is still married (but been seperated for 3 years), to another woman!! Gave birth 2 weeks before our first year anniversary as boyfriend and girlfriend.

What on Earth would your friend make of that??

MardyArsedMidlander Mon 21-Jan-13 16:12:31

My grandmother didn't get pregnant with my mother until 18 MONTHS after she got married. Apparently, several relatives made delightful comments along the line of 'We thought you were never going to have children' and 'It was probably because she went out dancing too much'.

Pinot Mon 21-Jan-13 16:12:58

lol @ "can i call you bitch?"

OP, she is probably well aware of what buttons to press with you to make you fly off the handle.

By doing so, you are letting her control your reaction.

Just be aware of it, and next time shrug - that takes away her power.

It's really not healthy to get so angry about something so innocuous. Real problems are apt to be the ones that blindside you on some idle Tuesday. Not a SIL with a spiteful streak.

Get some perspective and react more appropriately in future.

Apart from anything else, you wouldn't want your DD to see you reacting to her birth in such an aggressive way, would you?

Narked Mon 21-Jan-13 16:13:05

Ok. Maybe cut down on the caffeine?

I'm all smug and proud that our DS was conceived on honeymoon. All that shagging in the sun straight after our wedding. What great memories all tied up with our wonderful son

So, is your issue with your SiL then, rather than the woman who rang you? That your SiL passed information on about you??

You do understand that people make stupid random remarks sometime, often when they feel wrongfooted and don't really know what to say. She might have been surprised when you answered the phone rather than your SiL?
I had people going on and on about how I 'must be trying for a girl' when I was out and about, proud as punch, with DS3. And then again with DS4.

I suspect there is more to the family dynamics than this thread lets on.

RabidCarrot Mon 21-Jan-13 16:15:56

OP you need to get over yourself a bit, I think you are projecting your own feelings and blowing everything out of proportion

WorraLiberty Mon 21-Jan-13 16:16:27

Jeez the things some people work themselves up about.

I would struggle to raise an eyebrow about this, even if I had a bloody crane.

This another dodgy post?! Snow must be sending people mental. grin

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 21-Jan-13 16:17:47

OK. I can sort of see why, at the time, you were a bit embarrassed.

Until you got married you were a virgin and being pregnant quickly really confirmed to the world and his dog that you weren't anymore, in a very obvious way and I think for girls/women in some cultures that's even more embarrassing than for those of us who had sex with boyfriends much younger and certainly didn't wait until we were married.

I guess many of us had embarrassing moments around having lost our virginity. In my case it was a (friendly) joke made, at my then boyfriends works Christmas dinner, and I went the colour of a tomato <anyway, shan't go into it>. I was really embarrassed that all those people knew we were <whispers> having sex blush

The thing is, this woman was either just making conversation or perhaps she was being bitchy, but it was only to the level that you'd roll your eyes at, not the level where you feel this much anger. I think you have unresolved issues and it would do you good to talk to a professional.

YouOldSlag Mon 21-Jan-13 16:17:57

I don't appreciate people laughing at my sex life by making little odd remarks here and there. Its nobody's business. Yet, here, six years later, some stranger is still doing it.

I honestly don't think anyone is laughing at your sex life. That is paranoia! Have you ever heard of a honeymoon baby? It's phrase that's rather sweet and romantic. It does not mean laughing at someone's sex life. You are totally overthinking this!

PickledInAPearTree Mon 21-Jan-13 16:21:43

Your SIL may well be a BitchdumbBjitch for all we know, and she knows this winds you up. Just say I feel very blessed. Peace Out on her Ass. It will confuse her a lot more than the Cunty Fucky Bitchy ranting.

Unless there is a LOT a LOOOOOT of stuff your not telling us that is. Like a LOT. Like she blew up your house and kicked your puppy.

Or (not being mean here) this could be a bloody awful case of PMT I get mild raginess but nothing like this, your Dr may be able to give you some help as I know other people who have it really bad.

corlan Mon 21-Jan-13 16:22:24

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

twinklestar2 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:23:00

Wish I'd conceived that quickly!! Been married nearly two years and still trying for number 1. And I'm from an Asian background too. If it helps, at least they think you only had sex once, all my family must know I'm having loads of sex trying to get pregnant AND that it's not working. Now THAT'S embarrassing!

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 21-Jan-13 16:23:01

I really don't get why you are giving these people the power to upset you? They are obviously immature dumb little fuckers so why be bothered? Why are YOU laughing at THEM and their immature behaviour? And again I echo everyone else who says I don't get why you think this is big news or an issue. By doing so you are sounding quite immature too.

There are far more important things to worry about. Don't let stupid, insignificant people like your sil (who is obviously a right little twat) bother you. Just laugh at them. It will be the best thing you could do, it would bug her more them anything.

simplesusan Mon 21-Jan-13 16:24:17

This woman sounds silly.
I don't find it at all odd that a couple conceive straight after marrying.
Myself and dh started trying to conceive on our honeymoon.

Some people say stupid things. Ignore, laugh and thank your lucky stars that she is no friend of yours.

YouOldSlag Mon 21-Jan-13 16:27:58

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? May I please use this in RL? It's marvellous.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 21-Jan-13 16:29:44

Grrr, did the fucking cunt bitch transport you back to 1962 as well? What a very odd thread.

JustinBoobie Mon 21-Jan-13 16:32:27

I thought Mumsnet allowed ranting? hmm confused

OP, to be honest, I can understand how you feel! And you can say bitch cunt as much as you like. And, fwiw, I don't think you have issues - it's healthy to rant every so often!

You lot that don't like it, why comment? Report, if you must, then sod off. EVERYONE is allowed a big rant now and again!

CSIJanner Mon 21-Jan-13 16:36:50

Actually, I get where you're coming from. Am from an Asian background as well, and pretty much as soon as all of my cousins were married, they were expected to produce. If they did v quickly and a girl at that, then the comments would come from friends as opposed to family itself. It's down heartening especially when you see how much my second cousins are loved.

I remember turning up to OH's colleagues wedding. Both are Asian, but OH isn't but that still didn't stop the bride grabbing my blubber belly and proclaimed with wonder to all and sundry why on earth I hadn't produced yet when I had been married already for a couple of years shock

FeckOffCup Mon 21-Jan-13 16:38:02

You lot that don't like it, why comment?

Because that's kind of the point of AIBU and the OP invited opinions by posting here?

seeker Mon 21-Jan-13 16:41:52

God, I hate it when other women use hideous misogynist language like this about other women. <shudder>

RubyrooUK Mon 21-Jan-13 16:42:19

Cheer up OP, an elderly relative of my DH's said that she just KNEW I was pregnant at my wedding when my DS was born 15 months later. Yes, 15 months later. People are truly mad when they make comments sometimes. grin

Mrsaurtherpendragon Mon 21-Jan-13 16:42:49

I know you love your DD, but it must of been a shock to find yourself pregnant so soon after getting married, are you just angry because it wasn't how you planned to live your life, at that time?
I'm asian and would have loved to conceive straightaway, but didn't, now have 2 DD.
if people want to make remarks, either ignore it and assume they are jealous, or get angry and let it annoy you- which you seem to be doing.
Deep breath count to ten and realise that you are lucky to conceive a beautiful DD. some people don't even have that! biscuit

Mrsaurtherpendragon Mon 21-Jan-13 16:45:04

CS 0h my, you poor thing! biscuit

ExpatAl Mon 21-Jan-13 16:47:03

What is a PA?

EnjoyResponsibly Mon 21-Jan-13 16:47:49

Your language doesn't bother me. We all benefit from a rant.

But really, in the scheme of things, this isn't worth ranting about.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 21-Jan-13 16:48:05

Have you tried Vitamin B6? Done wonders for my PMT - I haven't run amok with a breadknife even once.

RubyrooUK Mon 21-Jan-13 16:51:00

Agree with MrsPendragon there, OP. If you have any comments like: "Oh I heard you got married and had a baby really quick" say in return with a great smug smile "yes, I know, I'm so lucky to have got a lovely husband then a baby so quickly. Thanks for the congratulations! You're right - I'm thrilled."

You could even say to your SIL "oh x was in touch to say congratulations on the wedding and the baby! Isn't that nice? I've just been so lucky recently." grin

CSIJanner Mon 21-Jan-13 16:51:33

MrsAurther - my first! grin

TBH both of us love the fact we got to enjoy marriage before having our LO's - wouldn't change it for the world bar possibly persuading OH to have another one Love my life. Except the blubber belly. Must work on that one

MamaMumra Mon 21-Jan-13 16:52:37

Don't take calls from this person again and just remember bitchy people generally aren't very happy.
Ignore and rise above any innuendo. thanks

fourfingerkitkat Mon 21-Jan-13 16:52:38

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

I'm going to try and slip this into a conversation tomorrow....just to see if anyone notices...grin

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 16:53:10

Your use of nasty, misogynist terms says more about you than your SIL and her friend. Horrible.

MrsWolowitz Mon 21-Jan-13 16:56:42

I don't understand your embarrassment.

I had DD1 just after my first wedding anniversary. She wasn't planned but we were over the moon when we found out. Why is it embarrassing? I still don't understand.

Samnella Mon 21-Jan-13 17:03:39

I had my daughter 11 months after I married. I was delighted we were lucky to conceive so quickly. I don't understand why you would be embarrassed and not a clue what you are so worked up about.

Waspie Mon 21-Jan-13 17:07:06

I'm not married. Never have been, never will be. I have a 5 year old son. I'm not embarrassed. I couldn't give a rat's flying farty one about what anyone else thinks. Why do you care OP?

<MN is a weird, possibly snow induced, playground of paranoia and bonkers uptightness today>

iwantanafternoonnap Mon 21-Jan-13 17:10:56

I had my DS (now 3) 10 months and 2 weeks after meeting my now Ex. Not only should that be embarrassing but the fact that he is now an Ex and left me for someone else 3 weeks before DS 2nd birthday could be considered really embarrassing. Who gives a fuck though.

You were married and I can't think of a single person who would think that was embarrassing. I thought a lot of people got married to start a family etc.

Sounds like all the back story may have caused this upset. Swear away though as at least you are letter the anger out and not letting it fester inside you. Anger is a very valid emotion.

Your SIL is most likely jealous of you by the way.

Kalisi Mon 21-Jan-13 17:23:51

YABU....and ridiculous. Get over it.

ReluctantMother Mon 21-Jan-13 17:29:34

This woman has REALLY upset you, so have nothing more to do with her. Are you going to talk to SIL about her discussing you?

CheerfulYank Mon 21-Jan-13 17:37:21

DD was born nine months and four days after we were married...totally unplanned. smile

The only time I gave it a second thought was considering that he might be early and then I'd have to face the cat's bum from uber religious MIL!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 21-Jan-13 17:51:37

I think " who lit the fuse on your tampon" is more shocking that the OP's language Tbh? And that't not all that shocking.

OP obviously you let rip when you were in a very heated state. Something I guess you are regretting now.

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 17:53:44

When Op comes back and apologises for the vile misogyny, then perhaps we can rest assured that she is regretting her "rant"

chummymummy Mon 21-Jan-13 17:59:56

You need to screen your calls. its done wonders for me.

Seriously, dont let your sil bother you. I dont know why you think it is something to be worried about. Now grab a pillow n scream into it ... ' I have been shagging your brother since day 1 and there is nothing you can do about it!'

you will feel much better about this. btw I am Asian and I dont get the embarassment thing. I do know the shit that can come with in laws though, so vent away.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 18:09:24

Thanks for all the lovely replies. Really. All of them.

I suppose on reflection, yes I may have overreacted. I've cut sil and my brother out of my life for the past 8 months but I still get her shitty remarks passed on to me by someone or other. Today I flipped. Rest assured I didn't flip in RL, nor do I flip like this regularly over little things. I'm also starting my period soon, or I'm pregnant (we are ttc; ha! Very apt for the thread), so am obviously not thinking clearly.

Pinot, you make a good point, I have never and will never let dd get wind of how she was unplanned. This is why I ranted on here.

I'm not a misogynist. Don't really need to go into detail about justifying myself on that matter. I've already apologised very early on in thread about the bad language. Let me say it a bit more clearly: I apologise for the bad language particularly aimed at women on the thread.

Tortington Mon 21-Jan-13 18:09:45

i dont understand your embarrassment either - it must be a cultural thing, but ASAIK, in most cultures, marriage takes place so you can then have children.

so i still dont understand.

i would have said

"Yes dear, i had sex 5 years ago, grow up::"

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 18:14:24

Also AnyFucker, you really don't know my sil. This is the same woman who cried when her daughters were born because she wanted a boy. Hardly a model human being, let alone woman.

JoanByers Mon 21-Jan-13 18:19:04

I assumed that the point of the OP was that the friend was implying she had had a shotgun wedding.

I've probably missed the point though.

thebody Mon 21-Jan-13 18:25:16

I really really have no idea what your problem is op?

Why would you care? You married, had a shag and had a baby.

If this is the worst irritation you face then good for you.

Viviennemary Mon 21-Jan-13 18:30:58

It sounds as if these people annoy you quite a lot and it's not just this specific incident. There's not much you can do about family being pains as you're stuck with them. Just ignore them if you can.

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 18:37:16

I get that your SIL might be a horrible specimen of womanhood.

Your reaction is waaaay out of line though. And if you really "didn't need to justify not being a misogynist" because of how you are under a different name, then you would be mortified with yourself for falling into the trap of using language that reduces women to the status of an animal. For making a flippant comment and/or using your buttons. Lovely.

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 18:37:30

pushing your buttons

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 18:39:14

Good. Glad that's sorted.

everlong Mon 21-Jan-13 18:41:15

OP I get that you're stressed upset etc.

It's not worth it. Really.

Calm down.

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 18:42:11

I hope you get the result you want btw, (the ttc bit). It shouldn't take too long, what with you being so fertile 'n' all wink

< braces self >

everlong Mon 21-Jan-13 18:42:13

Oh and I'm not arses one but about the swearing.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 21-Jan-13 18:48:04

Everlong

Are you on an ipad? " arses one but" is a classic grin

DIYapprentice Mon 21-Jan-13 18:48:52

OP, no need to feel embarassed at all. But I have a vague feeling that I remember a previous thread of yours - your SIL advising you not to be friends with someone and then making them her friend? If that was you, then I'm so glad you cut her out of your life, she was (and is) poison.

You need to go and stand in front of a mirror and practice making a facial expression that says 'wow, you are clearly a deranged person' and to just walk away - obviously not as easy over the phone.

noviceoftheday Mon 21-Jan-13 18:50:39

I think I preferred it when I thought it was a school boy having a laugh. The alternative reality is umm quite scary. I guess I am just taken back by the intensity of the anger.

everlong Mon 21-Jan-13 18:56:43

Haha no I'm on my iPhone in the bath blush

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 21-Jan-13 19:00:14

Could you not have just hung up the phone? confused

I think you may need some help if this is your reaction.

DonderandBlitzen Mon 21-Jan-13 19:06:16

Was your SIL's friend implying that you must have got pregnant before the wedding? Is this something she would think is shocking because of cultural differences?

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 19:16:23

DIYapprentice, yes that was me. Thanks for understanding.

Don't understand why this would be a troll thread, it's hardly an interesting topic, if you take away the swearing.

I really really must activate caller ID on my handset. Tomorrow morning I'm calling virgin to do just that.

lovelyladuree Mon 21-Jan-13 19:16:57

So, with an arranged marriage, are you meant to refuse your DH intimacy for the first year? I am a bit confused tbh? Not sure what the form is really.

ResolutelyCheeky Mon 21-Jan-13 19:21:36

It's Asian politics. She is jealous because your dh is virile.
You should just look smug when you see her, it will wind her up no end.
You have my sympathies.
Sex is a very private issue and she is trying to embarass you, yes, she is a Bitch.
You just need to understand it is jealousy.

BITCHdumbBJTCH Mon 21-Jan-13 19:24:00

Donder, no, she was implying that we must have gone at it like rabbits not caring about contraception or time or day because we'd both newly "found" sex. Quite pathetic and vulgar. Yes it's true. We were newlyweds in love, but some pathetic women from my culture find this hilarious. This is why I was embarrassed when pregnant because certain family members (including sil) had made pathetic comments.

DIYapprentice Mon 21-Jan-13 19:26:41

I suspect there's an element of 'innocent virgin bride so naive and stupid that you can't even avoid getting pregnant straight away' attitude coming from SIL and others of her ilk.

It's also difficult for the OP to deal with because of the conservative attitudes you are brought up with, and in a closed community the feeling that you are doing something a bit rude and naughty by having sex. (How else do you get the girls to stay virgins until they're married!)

Combined with a SIL who puts the OP down at every opportunity, implying that she's not good enough to be friends with certain people, and other such nastiness on a frequent basis. So it is highly doubtful that any of these comments are made with any positive feelings, but would be assumed to be (and probably are) made with a bitchy and negative undertone.

(Am I heading in the right direction OP?)

bottleofbeer Mon 21-Jan-13 19:29:04

Look, once you have a baby people generally know you've had sex.

coffeeinbed Mon 21-Jan-13 19:30:48

So you're upset because people think you have sex? confused
Because that's wrong and embarrassing? confused again.

One of the most unpleasant posts I've read on MN.

Reminds me of the poison spewed by Regan in the Exorcist shock

DonderandBlitzen Mon 21-Jan-13 19:32:38

Could you rise above it and deflect her by smiling sweetly and saying "Yes we were SO lucky to have my daughter so quickly. We're very happy." That way if she sees she is not upsetting you one bit she won't get any pleasure out of being bitchy.

Greythorne Mon 21-Jan-13 19:34:09

OP

Ok, you have over-reacted and accepted that. We all do from time to time.

But you must address your extreme hostility towards your SIL and her pal. The sexism in your posts is just horrible. Read back your first post and imagine your words describing any other woman.

You really do need to have a think about why you use such vile language when you are cross.

YANBU for being upset at receiving a deliberately malicious prank phone call (if that's what it indeed was - it all sounds a bit bizarre and childish and motive-less).

However, YABU around what seems to be your deep-rooted shame around being perceived to have had sex. It would appear that you are ashamed about people making any reference to the conception of your DC.

I do understand to a point. When I discovered I was pregnant I found a few male relations' comments a little embarrassing (they were alluding to the conception, i.e. "well done son!" to my DH etc). However, you must realize that you are kidding no-one by trying to imply that you are sexually inactive. People knowing you've been "at it" with your DH is an unavoidable (but embarrassing) "side effect" of people seeing that baby bump blush.

zeldapinwheel Mon 21-Jan-13 19:45:21

Wow, nice language. Hope you don't speak like that around your child.

Seriously tho, you got married and had sex, big deal. Find some real problems to bitch about.

DoItToJulia Mon 21-Jan-13 19:57:20

Woah. Weirder and weirder.

Greythorne Mon 21-Jan-13 20:01:02

OP

You SIL and her friend may well be really nasty. There are loads of ways to describe them without sinking to horribly outdated, sexist name calling.

Try on these for size:

obnoxious
patronising
manipulative
nasty
overbearing
puerile
immature
cruel

Your post rewritten without the casual, entrenched sexism and women-hating, instead using gender neutral descriptors would, I guarantee, have got a totally different response.

HTH.

Don't give those who criticize you the time of day or let them get to you. Why care what they think about when the people mean nothing to you.

Rise above the shit and move on. Do they have nothing better to discuss than an event 6 years ago? Think of it as flattery that they wish to speak of you. Turn negatives into positives.

Excuse all the hippy woo-ness grin

nilbyname Mon 21-Jan-13 20:09:51

Applauds greythorn

2teens2tots Mon 21-Jan-13 20:18:52

take no notice , the woman is an idiot, you don't have to "go at it like rabbits" to get pregnant if she had any sense she would know it only takes once to get pregnant. Don't let the silly woman make you feel insecure.

FutTheShuckUp Mon 21-Jan-13 20:21:38

My DD was 3 months old on our first wedding anniversary. I still dont get your beef tbh

twitchycurtains Mon 21-Jan-13 20:27:45

OP, can totally see where you are coming from. I wouldn't wish my SIL on anyone, I do think when it comes to inlaws Asian families are in a league of their own especially MILs/SILs, mine went out of her way to ruin my relationship with DH (her brother) that at one point we almost split up due to her meddling and sneaky ways. You can't even tell them to fuck off because then you incur the wrath of the whole clan, if your sil is anything like mine I have no doubt she is a selfish, spoilt and entitled cow. Best way I have found of dealing with her is to make sure my relationship with dh is tight and to make sure she doesn't get an "in" in any aspect of our lives.

GrendelsMum Mon 21-Jan-13 21:00:51

Oh, I've recognised the OP now (or I think I have). She's posted about this situation before.

Look, I know your SiL does appear to get her status from putting you down and that makes her a deeply unpleasant, sad person, but I agree with everyone else that the only way you're going to stop it is to find your own self-worth that isn't dependent on her and her nasty little power games.

I'm guessing that it's not that you're upset by your DD being a honeymoon baby (which is lovely - so romantic), it's that she's found a new thing to have endless digs as you about, and she may be roping her friends into it.

Would it be worth looking into having some form of counselling or CBT aimed at helping you deal with the very unpleasant dynamic in the family you've married in to?

MrsDeVere Mon 21-Jan-13 21:11:11

My two eldest were bridemaid and pageboy at my wedding (along with the dog).

Now that impressed the inlaws.

Cherryjellow Mon 21-Jan-13 21:27:00

DIY that was how I interpreted it too.

perfectstorm Tue 22-Jan-13 12:18:30

I do think there's a certain irony on calling out the OP on gender prejudice, when so many posters are being extremely culturally specific and refusing to even engage with the possibility that this situation has a different resonance to someone from a different culture. Bigotry is as bigotry does, innit.

OP I'd not really understood the cultural background to your post, which has been supported by other Asian posters here. It sounds tough. I do think you need to try to remember that she is trying to press your buttons, and by letting her, she is winning, and gaining power over you. You're happily married, have a lovely child and a nice life. She can't make that less true by bitching... unless you allow her to spoil your happiness by becoming upset.

And on another point: sneering at and belittling someone is generally not the best way to explain a different perspective. I agree that misogynist language is a depressing reflection of the world we live in, and it's more disheartening when a woman uses it of another than when a man does, but it isn't exactly going to alter people's ideas if they're attacked. The whole point about such language - what makes it so entrenched and insidious - is that it's almost invisible, it's so much a reflection of our culture. It's only when you stop and think that you realise there just isn't any male equivalent, in terms of venom. And there are no animal pejoratives for men at all. Even "pig" is neutral. Maybe there would be more willingness to alter language use if the language used to achieve that was in turn more measured? Just a thought.

Losingexcessweight Tue 22-Jan-13 12:31:57

Fwiw

I booked my wedding, found out i was pregnant a month after, walked down the aisle at almost 6 months pregnant.

I did get one or two comments about it being a shot gun wedding, and asking was i getting married because i was pregnant etc.

I wasnt bothered to be honest, nothing to get your knickers in a twist over

bottleofbeer Tue 22-Jan-13 12:57:42

Well I got married with FOUR of my Sprogs in attendance.

So, like. Ner.

seeker Tue 22-Jan-13 13:24:20

I work with a woman who makes wedding dresses, and she never fits them round the waist and boobs til the last minute.

Just, as they say, sayin'!

fromparistoberlin Tue 22-Jan-13 13:30:15

erm

was this written in 1912???? are you catholic ???

..runs away......

perfectstorm Tue 22-Jan-13 18:07:01

As I was saying. Numerous comments on how sexist the comments are, in some cases from the same people who are blithely ignoring the OP's repeated statements that she is Asian, was a virgin at marriage, and is handling a very different set of cultural assumptions and expectations.

I'm an atheist. I lived with guys before marriage. Jokes on a baby inside marriage in my social circle would not happen, any more than jokes about one outside would. Sex is assumed to happen from late teens onwards. But that's not the OP's reality or culture and she has said that over and over - so why keep responding as if it is?

I fail to see why the OP's ignorance on sexism is terrible and shocking and she gets wagging fingers, if other posters' cheerfully ignorant racism is just fine. And yes, expecting other cultures to act as if our dominant one is the gold standard all should be judged by is the epitome of racist, especially if it then informs your advice and sympathy for someone whose frame of reference is totally different. It doesn't make her experiences less valid or real.

HurriedCurry Tue 22-Jan-13 19:57:22

Lots of swearing! Too much perhaps? Understand what OP saying though. Women like that are so slimey! It's the way they talk which inflames. If it's taboo to discuss someone having sex within a culture (regardless of being married or not) and someone alludes to it then they are deliberately embaressing you to make you feel ashamed. (Btw of course women still discuss with friends etc but you would not choose to with someone random/did not like).

I don't swear much but had similar rage level after a recent visit with in-laws. It's because you are not able to show your anger to them and so there's lots of pent up fustration/anger.

Best cure is definately to have very close relationship with husband so they can't get an 'in' as someone up thread has already said.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 22-Jan-13 20:01:10

Agree perfectstorm

FlouncingMintyy Tue 22-Jan-13 20:06:14

I think the finger wagging is more to do with the wording of the thread title and the op?

Fair enough if the op has a horrible sil. But her username does her no favours and neither does the ridiculous amount of swearing in her thread title.

She doesn't say "My sil has been really insulting towards me and I am extremely hurt upset and angry".

She has said "the world is filled with spiteful rude fucking bitches".

And I disagree.

CaptainVonTrapp Tue 22-Jan-13 20:16:46

Is there any chance that she just heard you had a baby and phoned to say 'congratulations'?

Just wondered...

If not, and if its because your family/friends find sex within marriage embarrassing and funny, I would be turning it round and saying something like

"oh yes we couldn't wait to have a baby. Its a good job cos with all the sex we were having it was bound to happen, couldn't keep his hands off me and I couldn't get enough of it, we hardly left the house for a month. Tell me dear SIL how do you cope with all the shagging?"

You get the gist?

HurriedCurry Tue 22-Jan-13 20:31:42

"...couldn't keep his hands off me and I couldn't get enough of it, we hardly left the house for a month. Tell me dear SIL how do you cope with all the shagging?"

grin

Imagining saying that to my sil. And mil. Lol!

twilight81 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:34:46

I fell pregnant the first month we MET!! We are still happily together 11 years later.. Never bothered me what anyone thinks.

cheesesarnie Tue 22-Jan-13 20:36:47

'Tomorrow morning I'm calling virgin to do just that' arf.

make love not war op.

lubeybooby Tue 22-Jan-13 20:43:21

Is it just me who, if any supposed ADULT was being all 'teeheehee you had sex' I would answer, yes I have, and it's sooo damn good, seeing as my husband has such an enormous cock... mind you, it's a wonder we ever conceived seeing as I swallow so often'

Watch them stfu and back away slowly, and laugh your arse off...

NonSwearyName Tue 22-Jan-13 20:53:53

OP here. Nc'd to a less offensive name.

I wasn't going to come back to this thread because I am utterly ashamed at the use of my language. I can't even go back and read it. It is disgusting. I don't even like the word "cunt". When i wrote on here i felt like I was being ganged up on By sil and her friend. Unfortunately, that's how I felt at the time and those are the words I used. I could have and should have calmed it down, hindsight is a good thing.

Lots of references to "being embarrassed by sex". I'm not embarrassed. But I hate being made to feel embarrassed. Being asked when I had my daughter and then laughing uncontrollably about how she was born so quickly after marriage is implying that DH couldn't keep it in his pants and I was legs akimbo from day one. I'm sure there are other women out there who don't like their sex life being discussed by other people. When you're in a relationship, of course you're going to have sex and perhaps have children. Why make snide comments about it and make someone feel uncomfortable?

DIYapprentice, your second post is definitely in the right direction. I was made to feel like I'd done something wrong. The fact she's probably been discussing with sil in the past made me angry.

TwitchyCurtains- glad you understand. Sil is my brothers wife, and being how I am, I've even stopped going around to meet them because of her horrible behaviour with me.

All I can say is that I did calm down yesterday, and I've calmed down some more today. DH thinks (obviously) it's ridiculous and that I do take some comments to heart. Although he does agree, it was a completely stupid and rude thing to say to someone when you don't even know them.

I do like all these come backs, may well have to put them to use in the future.

CaptainVonTrapp Tue 22-Jan-13 20:59:51

I'm not embarrassed. But I hate being made to feel embarrassed

No one can 'make' you feel embarrassed if you aren't.

NonSwearyName Tue 22-Jan-13 21:04:54

Ok. Maybe I am uncomfortable about discussing my sex life. I am not embarrassed I have had sex though, because I've done nothing wrong.

CaptainVonTrapp Tue 22-Jan-13 21:10:41

She obviously knows this and its unkind of her to try and make you feel uncomfortable. I think you may have to beat her at her own game.

Of course you've done nothing wrong!

OxfordBags Tue 22-Jan-13 21:53:38

When people are bitchy like it, it's always masking jealousy, IMHO. You and your DH love each other, I'm presuming you had a passionate and fulfilling honeymoon and beyond, you adore your DD, you have fulfilled one cultural requirement by having a child... it's all good, yes? Perhaps she is really envious. When you look at it how I've put it, it sounds perfect. I bet her marriage, and the start to it, is not as happy and sexually fulfilling as yours.

People can only make you feel as bad as you let them. Try to hold on to the much more inportant fact of what a lovely little family you have. If SIL carries on, I would be tempted to point out that she seems alarmingly interested in her BIL's sexual prowess! If sexual feelings are frowned upon in your culture, as you describe, keep emphasising how dodgy it is for her to focus so pervily into your private life. To anyone who brought it up to my face, I would fake concern for them and act like I thought they were talking about the issue because their honeymoons were disappointing, their husbands terrible in bed, etc. (try this, as genteely as you can within your cultural constraints).

VikingLady Tue 22-Jan-13 22:03:02

I've adopted a riposte I read on a thread about large families - it fits very nicely here.

"Well, I just love cock. Can't get enough of it."

If you don't feel that is appropriate, how about

"Yes - turns out pregnancy is caused by sex! Who knew?"

I have used both to straight laced relatives (DH's side, very rude people). I don't come across as someone who would say that, so it really works.

GrendelsMum Tue 22-Jan-13 22:15:00

I really do sympathise, OP. It's just another thing she's thought of to bully you about, isn't it? And the way bullies work is they take something totally innocuous and twist it round to make it seem disgusting. And then getting other people in on her nasty act - no wonder you were so upset.

She's obviously desperate to get one up on you and make the family and friends think that she's the superior one. Is there a reason that she's so desperate to get her self-worth by putting you down? Do you have a good job and a good degree, for example? Is your family perceived to be better than hers?

NonSwearyName Wed 23-Jan-13 09:48:24

Grendel, I have always thought she suffers from an inferiority complex. She is always out to prove she is better than me at everything. She has always been very competitive with me, copying me in everything and trying to out-do me despite the quite big age gap. Her favourite line is "I'll show everyone"...I do have a good degree and had a very good job too. I then started my masters when dd was 3 and I was invited around her house to find loads of her friends with babies and they questioned me why i hadn't had another baby yet. She knew i was having fertility problems. She lied about having a masters in statistics when she married my db. When I asked her some pretty basic questions about stats for my degree module, she had no idea what I was talking about, and just mumbled they do things differently in her country...stats calculations are universal and my lecturer was from the same Country as her! Sorry gone off on a tangent there, but she has always hated me for some reason.

She is a bully. She's horribly twisted and having cut her off I'm still at the receiving end of her shit. I know everyone says just ignore, but it's really hard when you have weeks of good days and then she strikes again and everything just goes bad. Wish there was a way I could get away from her.

GrendelsMum Wed 23-Jan-13 17:30:34

Have sent you a PM!

PickledInAPearTree Wed 23-Jan-13 20:14:49

Fair play for coming back op I'm glad you feel a bit better

I'm sure I've seen you posting before about her putting off new friends?

I hope you find a resolution - it's so hard for you that she makes you feel so rubbish and angry.

It's so hard to know why some people relish picking on others and making their lives hard.

rollmopses Wed 23-Jan-13 21:23:29

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

perfectstorm Wed 23-Jan-13 21:48:21

"KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:24
Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the reports. We can assure anyone who might have been worried that the OP is a regular MN and we have absolutely no concerns about her posting history/intentions. Please stick to the guidelines and cool it with the PAs and trollhunting."

But please, do keep breaking the rules on trollhunting, and not bothering to read threads before you comment, if that's how you manage to boost your self esteem.

rollmopses Wed 23-Jan-13 21:59:55

Dearie, OP could very well be a founding member of MN, doesn't change the fact that the opening statement, if you will, is beyond idiotic. One must admit that the collective wailing that ensued could hardly have been more entertaining if one had a particularly dull sense of humor, that is.

I went to a wedding years ago where the bride and groom disappeared for an hour between the wedding and reception. Apparently to return their hired car. Which was at a location 10 minutes away from the venue.
They arrived at the reception looking a little flustered.

9 months later their son was born.

Nobody commented!

OP I can understand you being annoyed by people's comments but perhaps next time if you have a phone call like that hang up? Or just say, "I think you'll find that is none of your business".

I have only one DC and am constantly being asked if we're having any more. DH says we are not. (BTW I am old and not likely to be fertile much longer and feeling torn between enjoying the DC I have or trying to persuade DH another might be a good idea. And it took 6 years to conceive).

SnowLiviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 23-Jan-13 22:07:23

AHEM

rollmopses Wed 23-Jan-13 22:10:48

One shall exit left....

perfectstorm Wed 23-Jan-13 22:28:45

Rollmopses, I appreciate that you're attempting Dorothy Parkeresque wit.

Unfortunately, you're actually coming across as a rather tragic blend of Hyacinth Bucket and Forrest Gump.

NippyDrips Wed 23-Jan-13 22:31:36

Next time just say, "yes, we had a FABULOUS honeymoon" and give a big wink.

???

Why...just why??

You know, it actually seems very ODD to me that these people pick on you conceiving two months after getting married. Not so long ago, pre-Pill, this would have been the norm. My sister was born just a couple of days before my parents' first anniversary. My mother was very proud of this fact as it proved they did not have to get married IYSWIM. They do know pregnancy lasts 9 months and not 12, don't they? Ooh, perhaps you could ask them that as your riposte, OP? grin

I remember your previous thread about your SIL. She deserves every swear word in this thread sad. What is your brother's (her husband's) take on her behaviour? Or is he as thick nasty as she is?

HildaOgden Wed 23-Jan-13 23:05:28

1.On some level,your sister-in-law feels inferior to you,or she wouldn't be trying to put you down.Remember that.

2.Block the number of sister-in-laws friend.

3.Take large doses of evening primrose to help with the PMT.

4.Don't feel embarrassed about successfully conceiving quickly on your DD.It isn't a shameful thing.

Sorelip Wed 23-Jan-13 23:08:12

I conceived DS less than a month after getting married.

Fuck what other people think.

nickelbabe Wed 23-Jan-13 23:09:21

iunderstand.

ynbu actually.

you feel angry and embarrassed because they'r taking ng thr piss.

and actually as your dh is your only sexual partner, you feel like they're mocking your suddenly becoming sexually active and therefore must be doing it loads now you've found out what it's like.
like your sex life has been made public.

I understand because when I was younger, before i was with my ex, I used d to say I would never get married because it it's ould be like i was telling everybody I knew that I would be having sex.

it's okay.

confused

Marriage = sex

Really?

MidnightMasquerader Wed 23-Jan-13 23:27:15

Slightly O/T, but...

...is Michael Winner dead...?

Yep. He died yesterday.

MidnightMasquerader Wed 23-Jan-13 23:43:33

shock

I am not in the UK.

Dd2 was born 9 months after we got married. That was a great honeymoon ;)
I never saw it as an issue but we did already have dd1. They are 15 months apart. I've had comments about how close they are in age, but not about how quickly after wedding we had dd2. They were planned that way. I don't understand your embarrassment, or what she found funny. Sil's friend sounds a bit soft in the head.

nickelbabe Thu 24-Jan-13 10:58:29

Exit - empathy, dear, empathy.

Clumsyoaf Thu 24-Jan-13 11:28:31

I think I get where you are coming from OP (I may even know your sil!!).

I have a close friend whose brother had an arranged marriage (Sikh), he was from down south and she lived up someplace near Bradford. They met a couple of times before the wedding (which by the way was completely mind blowing – sorry another thread) and ten months later out popped a baby. My friend couldn’t believe that they hardly knew each other but had jumped into bed with one another and that they should have taken time to get to know one another before bringing a third person into the relationship!

I have to say I haven’t quite got my head around it fully as they are now married and when they married they did so for life so the timings etc are no one elses business. But my friend always pokes fun and kind of implies that the brother and wife aren’t worldly etc

Like I said I don’t get it – but enjoy your little one and being married!

Clumsyoaf Thu 24-Jan-13 11:29:59

Oh and I have told my friend I dont get it but apparently im a "little slow as you americans are!" shock lol but I have thick skin wink

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