To love a good supermarket scrap thread?

(372 Posts)
BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 11:32:34

There have been some good ones this week, what with the snow turning everyone rabid and that.

Tell Aunty Bupcakes your best supermarket scrap threads. I loves 'em I do.

brew and biscuit

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 11:35:43

My favorite threads are the ones where somebody has a long, sad sob story about their fucked-up marriage and after a while, you realize that the OP is an utter freakshow train wreck.

Got any of those?

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 11:37:53

You what?

A few weeks ago I was browsing the Christmas reduced shelf looking for Llindt reindeers when I felt myself being pulled backwards, by my parka hood. A woman behind me had obviously decided that her need was greater than mine.

I'd like to say I fishwifed her but I was so dumbstruck (and she looked proper hard) that I hazily wandered back to my trolley and then bitched about her to husband, from a safe distance obv.

The fucking cheek of it! angry

WorraLiberty Mon 21-Jan-13 11:40:05

I went to the supermarket once, only to find it was closed.

I raised an eyebrow and went straight home.

Trills Mon 21-Jan-13 11:40:44

I enjoy them but don't get to contribute because I avoid actually going to the supermarket as much as possible.

Tweasels Mon 21-Jan-13 11:40:47

Katy confused

Not a fight Bupcakes, but once a woman took a joint of beef out of my trolly and put it in hers when I wasn't looking (DS saw her).

The ensuing conversation was humiliating. She denied it, it was clearly true as I no longer had said meat in trolly. Very fucking odd, I walked away in the end and picked up a different one. Very puzzling.

manicbmc Mon 21-Jan-13 11:42:39

I haven't had any since I stopped shopping in Morrisons.

I did have a bad time when an ASDA delivery didn't turn up, no warning or anything and had to trudge through heavy snow to do shopping. Had only just got to the checkout (luckily) when they announced that they were shutting 2 hours early due to the weather.

But I didn't hit anyone, honest. grin

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 21-Jan-13 11:43:08

I've been banned from doing the Xmas food shop last 2 years as I have been known to lose the plot with trolly fiends (seriously watch what your doing with your trolly peeps) and last attempt resulted in me havibg a slanging match with some arrogant tosser in sainsburys car park (I won- don't test a hormonal woman after 2 hours being trolly bashed- you will lose)

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 11:44:03

I've never managed to have a full on scrap but things did get a tad tetchy when I wandered off with someone else's shopping trolley and then (unfortunately loudly) accused the dcs of putting a load of junk food in it. The owner of the trolley was fairly pissed off on both counts and I can't blame her really. But by heck, there was a shedload of shyte being bought...

WaitingForMe Mon 21-Jan-13 11:44:52

Years ago I was nearly knocked over by a woman and muttered under my breath as I passed her. She reached out and clipped me around the back of the head. I spun and asked her what the fuck she was doing and what made her think she had any right to touch me.

Everyone stopped and stared at her with ripples of conversation as those that saw explained that the mad old woman had just hit the young woman. She stood there trying to look self righteous as her mortified husband tried to drag her away and everyone gave her a very wide berth.

I shall come back with appropriate levels of froth if my asda delivery no-shows today...

or I could be really understanding about the snow
scrap that, I have no coffee

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 11:46:04


I'll commence.

Two christmases ago, DH and I had to go to Sainsbury's on <dun dun DUUUUUUUUN!> christmas eve (unexpected extra couple of dinner guests) Had been driving around the carpark for 40 minutes trying to find a space. I spotted someone about to reverse out of a P&C space (oh yes) and DH drove over to it. DH stuck his indicator on to show he was waiting for said space. A BMW 4X4 is behind us and DH pulls to one side to give them more room to negotiate the beast car through. However, they didn';t negotiate through, they pulled into the space we were waiting for at the precise moment that the person pulling out left the space.

I wound my window down and said "Hi, sorry but we've just been waiting for that space" and the ogre woman getting out went "And?" and shrugged. Then I clocked that it was just her and her DP, no kid. I said "And we actually do have a child, which is kind of a pre-requisite for parking in a P&C space!" Her face went puce and she snarled "MY CHILD IS IN THERE" pointing at Sainsburys. We shrugged and drove off. Pffffft.

Half an hour later and we were preusing the potatoes, when the beast woman strides up to me, brandishing her mobile phone. "THERE!" she went "THERE IS MY CHILD" showing me a picture of a gormless looking kid. "And?!" I said. She "squared up" to me "DON'T QUESTION ME!" she said. I tried to reason with her and she kept repeating that line at me whilst trying to use her size, which was equatable to a small bungalow, to intimidate me. Her DP stood there looking both sad and ashamed. After finding I wouldn't be able to get a word in, I calmly said "Fuck off, chunk" then advised her husband to go to the pet aisle and buy his mrs a muzzle. She was like this angry

I shat myself all the way round in case she came after me and kicked my arse in sad

In other news, my mum refuses to take me and DH shopping, as he is like a big toddler and makes me full on stabby grin

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 11:47:46

bupcakes I meant nothing pointed or personal with my post! I was just enjoying the idea of liking a good thread full of drama, is all.

I have to get milk later. I will try to start something with somebody just for you!

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 11:47:48

DP had to be taken out of Asda once because he wouldn't see reason about their lack of steak and kidney puddings.

EldritchCleavage Mon 21-Jan-13 11:51:17

I watched an obviously drunk woman lose it in the supermarket, quite inexplicably, with the young man who was in front of her in the queue. She'd chosen well, he was a strapping lad but clearly the sort of nice young man who wasn't going to get nasty with her. She kept shouting that she'd come all the way from Brighton to shop here.

Her drunken companion was very agitated, and when the security guard came over to tell her to stop swearing in front of my children, we found out why: she'd nicked a jute shopping bag and filled it with lamb chops. Cue drunken lady being escorted away while drunken companion mournfully followed. Funny and sad and horrible all at the same time.

Pigsmummy Mon 21-Jan-13 11:51:34

i get Tesco rage, even doing online shopping, something always happens, I have had a fair few vouchers. My baby was smaller than expected so I needed to get some baby grows, living in a very small town with no Mothercare etc I drove to Tesco 40 mins away to get some clothes and when I got home the security tags were left in the majority of the clothes! Couldn't get them off (should have shoplifted in my youth to get those skills), sleep deprived and hormonal DH had to talk me out of fire bombing the store. (if you see on the news about a Tesco in Surrey burning to the ground then forget that you read this).

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 11:52:36

Oh OK, wasn't sure what I'd missed that's all!

"I've been banned from doing the Xmas food shop last 2 years as I have been known to lose the plot with trolly fiends (seriously watch what your doing with your trolly peeps) and last attempt resulted in me havibg a slanging match with some arrogant tosser in sainsburys car park (I won- don't test a hormonal woman after 2 hours being trolly bashed- you will lose)"

Was it YOU I had the scrap with?! shock

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 11:52:53

I've never, ever had a fight in a supermarket sad
Where have I gone wrong?

Sugarice Mon 21-Jan-13 11:53:10

When we used to have a Safeway [about 13 years ago] I was shopping with DS1 walking and ds2 in the trolley. As we were perusing the aisles a family walked towards us and the little girl was crying and having a strop. I looked at her as she was walking towards our trolley [as you do] but not in a snotty way and the Mother walked past and snarled [yes she snarled!] 'yeah I know she's crying, is it a problem' shock.

I was gobsmacked, anyway after about two minutes of being red faced and looking like a goldfish [mouth hanging open] I caught up with her and told her I wasn't staring and I didn't appreciate her having a go at me [or words to that effect] and to back off.

That's it really although I did have a verbal scrap in the line for Skyfall with queue jumpers. grin

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 11:54:12

The only time I can remember a scrap was years ago. There was a long line at the Co-op at the one open till. I was sort of approaching the tills from the other end of the store and a cashier opened the till right next to me and called out "Till number 2 is open, now!" So, I went in and put my stuff on the belt.

A woman left the middle of the long queue and came in behind me and bitched at me about how there was a queue and I'd jumped it.

I told her that she had left the middle of the queue herself and she could suck on it.

I did say "so suck on it."

Then I felt bad.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 11:57:05

Fuck no, that wasn't me, Bupcakes. I don't shop at Sainsbury's. Asda and Aldi for me, dear. I have standards.

MrsDeVere Mon 21-Jan-13 12:16:02

I was in Tescos on the A406 a few years ago.
I was pushing my trolley and went a bit close to a teenage girl. I smiled and said sorry.

The mother started ranting and shouting at me. Bout how I had nearly mashed her girl and I best look what I was doing.

I said. Just to be clear. You are shouting at me because my trolley didnt touch your teenage daughter and when i said sorry i didnt say it loud enough?

Erm well yes.

Then the ranting continued. i told her she was embarrassing her granddaughter <bitch> and if she didn't get a move on she was going to miss the shuttle bus back to the estate <don't care, Im allowed cos I is council>

Poor cow had a shed load of shopping yet to do so she had to put up with me following her up and down the aisles being cleverer, prettier and generally nicer than her all the way.

So ner. Don't fuck with me.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 12:24:37

LOL at "I'm allowed cos I'm council" grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 21-Jan-13 12:27:13

Bups that is hilarious! I would love to see your covert mission around sainsbos dodging 4X4 laydeee! grin

Why has nobody ever started a fight with me in the supermarket?


RandallPinkFloyd Mon 21-Jan-13 12:29:16

Ooh, mrsdv, you go girlfriend!
<zig zag click, head snake, etc.>

MulledWineandScully Mon 21-Jan-13 12:33:56

I've never scrapped in a supermarket, however I don't get this trait from my parents who both love a good supermarket scrap.

I did used to work the checkout at Morribongos in my youth and I saw some sights, I tell thee. I had everything from drunks to attempted suicides at my till, plus a staggering amount of urinating in the aisles and some number 2s in the foyer.

DF scrapped with a woman recently who accused him of trolleying her elderly blind mother (who had been abandoned at the other end of the shop). DM scrapped with a (different) woman for giving the woman evils after seeing her dragging her child by her hair along an aisle. Said woman followed my DM to the checkout and asked what business it was of hers if she wanted to mistreat her child.

middleagedspread Mon 21-Jan-13 12:34:30

I had my Bags for Life stollen, while I was in the loo, in Waitrose. Sadly, I couldn't find the culprit (despite searching everyone's trolley for Tesco BFL) . Of course, being Waitrose, the lovely staff gave me lots of shiney new ones.

MrsReiver Mon 21-Jan-13 12:35:01

I was reading this thread wishing I had a story, and then remembered I do! And it makes my DH look pretty freaking awesome.

We were doing our weekly shop when we came to an aisle where there was a spillage of sugar, a member of staff with Down's Syndrome was standing in front of the spill telling people to be careful.

As we got to the top of the aisle we heard someone shouting and turned around to see another member of staff SCREAMING at the poor bloke "why don't you bloody move and DO something instead of standing around looking useless." Now DH happened to work for this chain of supermarkets at the time in another branch, so knew fine well when you have a spillage, the course of action is to stand next to it to warn customers until you can find someone else to get one of the wee yellow caution signs.

Before I knew what was happening, DH stormed over to this bloke and told him to pack it in, that the guy didn't deserve to be reprimanded like that because he wasn't doing anything wrong, and even if he DID it wasn't appropriate to shout at a member of staff like that. He also suggested that instead of standing here screaming, he also do something useful and help clear up the mess.

Shouty man stomped off and DH checked the poor guy was okay - he wasn't, he was really upset by this point and just kept saying "thank you, thank you" bless him. A manager must have heard the commotion because one came round the corner to find out what was going on, DH filled him in, the manager thanked him for stepping in and promised he would resolve the issue.

Lambzig Mon 21-Jan-13 12:41:54

I was going round M&S with DD, who was just under two at the time, with her sitting in a trolley. DD is very friendly and says hello to people.

An older lady smiled at her and they exchanged hello. The woman said to me "your daughter is really pretty and really friendly. You have made a mistake there, she is going to get snatched in broad daylight like that, anyone could snatch her - they would get her off you so easily. You need to dress her as a boy and teach her to be scared."

I didnt know what to say. Not exactly rude, but incredibly creepy and obviously I was clinging on to her like mad for the next couple of weeks.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Mon 21-Jan-13 12:43:04

I feel as though I've had a very sheltered life. The supermarket for me is generally an incident free occasion.


Though when I was a student apparently a nasty lady and her mother were following me round Castle Boulevard Sainsbury's, giving me evil looks and sneers. I didn't notice - my mate told me afterwards.

Maybe it's because I'm a Rural Type.

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 12:43:56

Someone made me cry in a supermarket by nicking some candles.

I am not usually such a twat, but it was in 2007 just after the floods, my partner's house had flooded and was unusable, the house I lived in had its water cut off and there were rumours that the electric for the whole north of Gloucestershire was going to be cut as well. So pretty much the whole of Cheltenham was in a supermarket that day buying food and bottles of water and candles.

I was very, very lucky as I had found a couple of battered christmas candles in the reduced section amongst the dented tins and battered packets of soup (every other candle in the shop had been snatched up hours before) so I put them in my basket, which was on my arm. I walked through the BEDLAM like shop to get some more stuff, and noticed someone just half inching the candles out my basket. I was a bit dumbfounded, but then asked her to give them back and what the hell was she doing. She said 'you haven't paid for them, so FUCK OFF' and stalked off. I was so pissed off (couple of days of flood worry, dd was away and couldn't come back of the situation, I hadn't washed, all cars were flooded, now XP was distraught because his house was fucked) I just burst into tears and scuttled off.

So, beefy looking woman from Bishop's Cleeve. I hope you have really bad piles. Bitch.

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 12:44:10

I can't remember arguing with other customers. If I argue, it's at the checkouts about the prices that appear on the customer display. I have often seen a different price on the shelf and that's the price that should be charged. I usually win. I always apologise to the checkout operator and the queue building up behind me.

I don't like being called Love or Darlin' or other such names. In Asda last year, the checkout operator called me 'Darlin'. I asked her if she called all customers Darlin'. She said, "Not everyone, Madam."

Some years ago, when I still had my DH, we were in Asda and I felt the elastic in my cheapo pants go. I could feel them lowering themselves so went behind the vegetable displays to remove them.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 12:46:02

What a hero, MrsReiver!

zukiecat Mon 21-Jan-13 12:46:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lambzig Mon 21-Jan-13 12:48:05

RuleBritannia, I have just snorted tea all over my keyboard at you removing your pants in Asda. What part of the vegetable display did you find suitably concealing?

Were they from Asda? You could have whipped them off and asked for a refund as not fit for purpose?

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 12:49:06

rule how can the same person tell a story about being appropriately addressed as madam and in the next breath admit they took their knickers off behind the parsnips? grin

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 12:49:39

I often wonder who it is who takes one pair of knickers from a multipack in the supermarket.

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 12:50:00

I once examined the products on an aisle in tesco for about 20 minutes so that I could tabhang on two women who were yelling at each other.

And only last week I witnessed two groups of people - a couple of women v I think a couple of women and a bloke - outside a shop. Well. you've never heard anything like it! effing and blinding and threatening each other. I have NO clue what the hell it was about, but they seemed to know each other and the two women ended it by screeching that they were going to put the other lot's windows through.

My husband was with me and he was open mouthed. He began to comment on it to me and I told him to shut up and don't look at them (I grew up with such people and I know what happens next if they notice you looking!)

After they'd finished, the two women just went into the shop and did their shopping.

This baffled my husband more than anything. He said if he'd been involved in such a thing, he'd have been so shaken by it, he'd have had to just go home.

I laughed. He's got no clue. I grew up with it and I can tell you that it's what passes for entertainment while they're waiting for corrie to come on.

NeedlesCuties Mon 21-Jan-13 12:50:09

Not a supermarket, but a large Curry's store. I'd parked next to a car and the driver (a middle aged woman) was sitting in it about it get out.

I opened my door and got out too, didn't pay her any attention until she started calling me a "bitch" as I'd "hit her door with my door".

I know for sure that I hadn't hit her door, and if I had I'm polite enough to apologise. The whole time I was in Curry's any time she walked past me she looked at me and muttered, "you bitch"


Naysa Mon 21-Jan-13 12:51:52

I was in the self serve queue in ASDA and people kept pushing in. I exchanged conversation with the couple behind me about how rude it was. I went to one of the self serve tills and I saw someine pushing.
I said "excuse me, dont think you've noticed but this couple are next in the queue" I obviously shouldn't have said anything.
He said "sorry, didn't even see"
Then as I was scanning my shopping he was waiting in the queue he shouted "there's a fucking queue here you know love"
I should have said something instead I walked out, forgetting £10 of change and a member of staff ran after me blush

And today, in a different ASDA, an old lady poked me really hard in the bottom of my back. I turned round and she gave me the biggest smile. I do not know her hmm

marriedinwhite Mon 21-Jan-13 12:53:27

Mrs Devere!!!!!!

I walk quickly away from fights - especially the one when I told a gentleman (yes seemingly yummy daddy in Putney Waitrose) that his children would probably be happier scooting in the park than the supermarket where they had almost knocked over an elderly lady - and he went into a full rage explosion about how I dare I tell him what his kids could do where - you effing upper class snobby cow. I think he thought he was allowed because he thought he was posh - all the old gimmers in their red kegs sort of circled me until he had gone grin muttering under their breath. I would have loved to have had a splintering riposte - but I just walked away and carried on and he glowered at me across the checkouts.

The couple whose wife stood in the queue in front of me holding a bag of flour whilst her husband finished the shopping and she texted him that she was next angry. I just said "you're very welcome but it's usual practice to join the queue when you finish your shopping" and smiled. Oh how they squirmed when I said no, of course, I didn't expect to go in front of them.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 12:53:58

"I often wonder who it is who takes one pair of knickers from a multipack in the supermarket."

Multipacks of pants in shops are very handy if you've just sharted on your travels.

I have, never, ever had a row in a supermarket and am shock at some of these tales.

I am deeply, deeply boring.

Naysa Mon 21-Jan-13 12:56:41

Oh I've also seen some almost scraps in the reduced section of the Morrisons in York. Pretty brutal but a great day out grin

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 12:56:48

I said 'oi!' bad temperedly to a young child jumping off bollards in Waitrose car park. He jumped right on my foot.

His mother looked scandalised and gathered him up into her skirts. I don't think that type of Gloucestershire mummy had heard anyone say the word oi before.

I pursed my lips and stalked off. Bloody Waitrose. The only shop I have ever seen people blatantly walk around covered in shit (horsey types with manure covered jodhpurs).

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 12:57:09

Come on, Exit! Get yourself out to the nearest supermarket and find yourself a glarey-eyed housefrau to start on.

Honestly, it's grand fun!

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 12:58:17

Lampzig The vegetable display was at least 4ft 6in tall and my DH stood watching for others approaching. I can take pants off quickly especially when the elastic has gone.

GeOrf1 I did appreciate being called 'Madam' but I did not describe it as 'appropriate', did I? But it was.

GetOrf2 I usually buy cheapo stuff like pants or lipstick when it doesn't matter abroad. I usually get good value for money but didn't as was shown on that occasion.

GetOrfagain 'Madam' and 'knickers off' in Asda simply shows that I am two faced have at least two personae. I shop in Waitrose on Saturdays.

JuliaSqueezer Mon 21-Jan-13 12:59:08

I'm not aggressive by nature but if someone starts then I absolutely will stand up for myself apart from in the Asda because they are too hard for me I think a lot of the supermarket tossers are counting on the other person not wanting a confrontation.

I was in the fruit and veg aisle very patiently waiting for an elderly lady to choose her kiwi fruit, didn't want to rush or crowd her because I'm nice like that. Heard some huffing and chuntering behind us and then "Oh for God's sake!" and turned round to see a snotty bitch in her power suit looking very impatient and annoyed. I leaned into her face and menacingly quietly said "What's your fucking problem?". She skittered off up the aisle without another word or any kiwi fruits. Still makes me laugh remembering the look on her face grin

Bakingnovice Mon 21-Jan-13 12:59:42

The best fights are at 6pm when the reduced good trolley comes out! I've witnessed two women pulling one long French stick from either end, one lady taking joints out of another trolley, people pushing trolleys to derail each other and last week one lady was arguing with another over a pack of reduced bagels. It's carnage I tell you.

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 13:00:34

lol at Waitrose on Saturdays. grin

My dd has just got a Saturday job in Asda and hasn't encountered anything terrible yet. Her friend works in Sainsburys though and has seen all sorts of scraps and full-on trolley rams.

Popped into Morrisons (awful near us and usually i get the posh supermarket to deliver as I don't like shopping) Had some bitch swear at me for not smiling at her kid, said kid nearly walked into me, I didn't look cross or anything just didn't really react, side stepped him and went on my way.

She followed me and screamed in my face that I was a stuck up bitch and I could at least have smiled and spoken to her child.

I told her that people like her who swear at strangers in front of her children were precisely the reason I did not usually shop in morrisons and would not be doing so again! Put my Basket down in floor at her feet gave her a haughty look and marched out.

Then shat myself realising she was twice as big same with a higher tattoo to teeth ratio and she could have seriously had me infront of the fresh bread!

ShatnersBassoon Mon 21-Jan-13 13:01:19

I worked in a supermarket when I was in 6th form, so I saw loads of kerfuffles.

A woman once threw a jar of piccalilli at her husband's head. They did a regular floor show on a Saturday afternoon, where she'd scream and throw her fists at him and he'd stand there looking sad, begging her to shut up because people were looking. The police were called when she lobbed the jar, but they still came in for their Saturday showdown fairly regularly sad.

marriedinwhite Mon 21-Jan-13 13:01:51

You do have to be careful though. This is South London and I can remember a shooting in Colliers Wood Sainsbury's - that was over a disagreement at the checkouts I think. wouldn't have dared tell off kids scootering in there

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 13:04:07

I once was told off for playing skittles in a supermarket aisle (Gateways).

We arranged 9 cans of beans at one end, and went down the other end and rolled one of those big tins of chappie. It was great fun.

But then they told us off and we ran away. sad

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 13:04:07

I used to swan around Safeway regularly, starting fights left right and centre. AND I was paid for it.

Yup, I was the poor soul who did the reducing. I learnt that all people are evil, and would push their granny under a bus to save 10p on a pack of Cheslea Buns. sad

elizaregina Mon 21-Jan-13 13:05:33

Baking it depends who is crowding round the reduced trolly.

Uusllay its nice people who will say - oh, i already have one of those - would you like that?

sometimes though its the smash and grabbers - they work as a team and crowd you out with thier large trollys and grab everything then sort it out afterwards.

If nice people take the lead its all very civilised - if is the smash and grabber you just have to walk.

Nealry had a nasty confrontation in Aldi - I accidenlty got my pushchair with new born in a mans way for a millisecond - whilst I was asking staff where something was.

As I realised I was blocking I immedialty apologised and he GLARED at me, his wife glared at me and uttered profanity.

I then saw them a few more times and tried to avoid thier glare but they looked even more angry...I honeslty think I would have got a head butt had I not acted in such a meek way...

Naoko Mon 21-Jan-13 13:06:13

Does a public toilet count? And do I get extra points for it being a public toilet in the Vatican, of all random places? I wasn't involved, I was observing from a nearby bench while DP went into the gents...

It was the nearest public toilet to St Peter's church, on a busy day - the place was heaving and as is the way with public toilets the world over the queue for the ladies' was about a mile longer than the queue for the gents' next door. They had a security guard stood at the door who had taken it upon himself to tell people to go in when someone came out. There was a couple with a young baby who needed changing, and the mother needed the loo, so as the queue for the gents' was so much shorter the father took the baby into there to change while the mum queued for the ladies - only he popped out again a minute later to ask her for a pack of wipes. Mum, nearly at the front of the queue, steps aside maybe three feet to pass him the wipes, then steps back into the queue, which she's now at the front of.

Only, the security guard says 'no, you cannot cut in line! You must go to the back of the queue!' The mum protests she's been there all along, and all the other women in the queue back her up. An argument ensues, in which a very forthright but polite German lady remonstrates with the security guard, who by this point has dug his heels in because he cannot possibly be told he's wrong and god forbid back down, only he's losing because he's angered a long queue of women from all over the world who all really need to pee - so he loses it and hits the German lady! A collective gasp went up, German lady stands there stunned for a second, then turns to the queue and the crowd of onlookers that has gathered by this point and exclaims 'he hit me? Did you all see that, he hit me because I said he was wrong', then, because this is the Vatican, spots a priest in full priestly regalia, calls him over and gets him to chastise the security guard for hitting people who've done nothing wrong and being a jobsworth over who's allowed into the loo.

The whole situation was so ridiculous, the German woman didn't seem injured other than a bit shocked so by the time DP came out of the men's toilet I was nearly dying from laughter. Never seen anything like it.

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 13:07:29

Another non-confronation one. My DH and I were in Texas (not USA - the DIY store) and the musak was ballroom type. So we looked at each other and began to quickstep down the aisle to the astonishment of other shoppers.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Mon 21-Jan-13 13:07:46

Not me but my DH was verbally attacked in a South London Sainsbury's years ago. I'd just had Baby no.3 and he dragged himself off with nos 1&2 for supplies.
He absent-mindedly walked a few feet with someone else's trolley and she laid right into him when she realised.
Being sleep-deprived and post natal, all he managed to gibber was 'sorry, we've just had a baby.' He gets very tired when I've given birth grin.

Ooooh and when pregnant and needing ice to crunch (don't do it, my dentist is thousands of pounds richer due to my ice crunching craving) an old woman didn't join the back of the queue that was nicely splitting in order between the 2 tills.

Cue me, hormonal, hot and heavy telling her there was a queue and could she please join the back of it. She refused and I told her she was one of those ugly fat old women who was a lesson as to how not to let ourselves go in our formative years, and that she was also probably one of the ones that never realised it was more important to shut her legs when she sat down on the bus now than when she was younger!

I turned round to expect a round of applause to stunned silence. Dumped my ice on the floor and told them that us Brits should never give in to queue jumpers and stalked put.

Not my proudest moment I have to say!!!!!

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 13:08:27

"higher tattoo to teeth ratio!

<weeps> grin

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 13:08:44

Oh yes, and there was the morrisons incident!

Me, my husband and our kids (both autistic. This is relevant, you'll see why in a minute)

I was at the cash point, she was at the next one. I was facing the cashpoint, withdrawing money. My husband was supposed to be hanging on to the kids!

I turn round, can't remember why, maybe heard something, it's all lost in the subsequent rage grin (I only have a sketchy impression of the details because all I can really remember with any clarity is how furious I was ) and my youngest is next to her. I ask what's going on or something like that and she starts mouthing off about how I shouldn't have kids if I can't control them.

Apparently he'd brushed against her or something.

He does that. He flaps and twirls and all that.

Well, I was FUCKED off. I was at the cash machine. If she wanted to be pissed off with someone - why not direct it to the parent who was bloody supposed to be holding him? angry

So I chased after her blush she was pregnant blush blush and I chased after her. (not to hurt her but just because I was determined to have my stay). I ran after her yelling that they were autistic and maybe she should live that life before saying anything and, well, a lot more. To my great and eternal shame, I unforgivably wished autism on her unborn child. I behaved reprehensibly and I wish I could take it back.

My husband grabbed me and threatened to sit on me.

What made me so angry was
1) that he was right there. Why didn't he keep our youngest close? It was HIS fault. He shouldn't have put our son in the position where he was able to get too close to someone.
and 2 - mainly 2!) Why was it MY fault, when I was clearly at the cash machine and HE was clearly the one with them. Because I'm the woman? My back was turned. I was relying on HIM to keep hold of them. I felt so unfairly judged and treated by her. Call HIM an unfit bloody father for letting his son brush against you if you like.

I'm ranting again, aren't I? blush

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 13:09:13

Naoko that is fantastic grin

ChristianGreyIsAJackass Mon 21-Jan-13 13:11:37

I cant believe these things go on!! and that ive missed loads of fun grin

Bakingnovice Mon 21-Jan-13 13:11:53

Eliza you are the smash grabbers are terrible. And terribly scary. I came across some a few weeks ago. They must have been family as they were all shouting across to each other. I was walking to get cereal and Oats and came across this convoy of trolleys who barricaded themselves in towards the reduced goods. I nicely said 'excuse me' as I needed to turn right into the cereal aisle. This huge scrunchy wearing, no teeth lady turned around and snarled at me. I had to wait for her to pile more than 10 loaves of bread and multipack donuts in her trolley before she shifted. And I'm sure she swore at me in a foreign European language after I very quietly and politely tutted. Just the once. But she heard! I nearly shat myself.

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 13:12:12

<holds hecate's hand>

Hec, come and have a game of supermarket skittles with me, come on now, oooh look at the bird.

Squeakygate Mon 21-Jan-13 13:12:52

Ive had supermarket rage more than once.
Few years ago after few sleepless nights (teething baby and 2 other poorly kids) and nearing the end of the school holidays I popped into sainsburys for bread and school trousers. When I got in I used one of the smaller high trolleys; going up and down the aisle on a mission I ended up with about 12 things in there (bunch of flowers to cheer me up etc).
I queued up and it turns out I was in a basket only queue but did not realise - it was a genuine mistake. A random guy a few behind me said "excuse me, its baskets only here". I was next, so said "oh sorry, i didnt realise". He then started having a go, shouting at me saying I was blind and I needed to get my glasses checked, etc. I was going to argue back with him but just turned my back. I apologised to check out operator and person behind me.
As I left, I told him to "have a nice day SMALL DICK".
He was speechless and I was grin and blush in equal measure.

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 13:13:11

I have never witnessed the reduced aisle barging, thank god.

But I did go into Morrisons the Sunday before Christmas. That was a mistake. I will NEVER darken their doors again. People were actually snarling.

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 13:15:42

say not stay

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 13:16:38

Sometimes, when I was reducing, I'd purposefully push my trolley near the cream cakes (prime fighting spot for bargain-hunting).. and then I'd just walk right on past! Again and again.

Another great sport was to go 'out back' through one door (bargain hunters cluster around door, waiting for me like lions waiting for the poor weak wildebeast to weaken). Then I'd pop out of another door, and race on past. Sometimes holding a big joint of meat, to tantalise the buggers. And you know what - I wasn't even going to reduce it.

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 13:16:53

grin GetOrf.

On doing the final bits xmas shop due to the seasonal twitching i went to a near by asda on the way home from work ( at the time worked for toys r us baby section) looking for at product on the shelve i heard a women ask where is something. One minute i got japped in the back spun round and was confornted by a women who then said dont fucking igorne me where is so in so. I shouted back i dont know she said u should u fucking work here i showed ( nearly shoved ) my name tag in her face really i
said then walked off. The fact that my shirt on the back had a massive stork and babies r us written on it didnt seem to compute with her

Boomerwang Mon 21-Jan-13 13:23:34

I used to be too open mouthed to respond to any hostility but now I'm fast to get my worth in.

I've got loads of stories as I used to work in stores but I'll knock them down.

When shopping with my mother she ran over a packet of crisps a little boy had just dropped and popped the bag, crisps flying everywhere. The boy's mother turned from the shelf she was looking at, saw the crisps all over the floor and shouted at the boy for making a mess. My mother stuck her head up high and kept walking! I didn't see this otherwise I'd have stood up for the kid.

I worked in a do it all store and there was always a lot going on there.

A man brought back a plastic tub of whitewash paint. He was in conversation with the manager, getting quite heated. Obviously he wasn't impressed with what the manager was saying because he opened the tub and threw the paint all over him then stomped out. Lots of people stood staring in shock as the manager removed his glasses and wiped them on his shirt, which was also covered in paint. Nobody went after the man. The manager slipped off to his office.

Same place, a man holding a small child of age approx 18 months argued with a member of staff and started making threatening, violent movements towards him. I remember being disgusted that he would do that in front of his own child. The child just clung on for life and didn't make a sound. Probably used to it.

When I was still a teenager I worked part time at an Iceland. I'd won a large amount of cash and made the mistake of gloating about it to my co worker, in front of customers. A family shopping there started asking questions and I hushed up as I realised they were taking the piss out of me. Every time they came into the store after that they humiliated me over and over by talking really loudly about all that money I won. They had intimidating behaviour too, reaching over to grab my necklace for a closer look, or pulling on my arm to get my attention. I encountered them on a bus and had to listen to muttered threats of scratching my eyes out and stabbing my face etc. I'd love to go back in time and grow a pair.

Boomerwang Mon 21-Jan-13 13:26:54

I worked in a pet store and a customer wanted to buy quails. I asked if she had the appropriate home for them. She said she was going to keep them in the bath. I told her that they aren't water birds. She said she wouldn't put water in the bath. I said they can jump quite high and will jump out of the bath. She said she'd put a net over the bath. I asked where she would take a bath. She said she'd take them out first. I asked if she was prepared to remove all the seed and water and sand and grit and poop etc first and she said they're not going to have all that, she will feed them twice a day in the bedroom.

I refused to sell the quails to her. She said 'all right I won't keep them in the bath then'

She was pissed when I snorted and said I couldn't help her further.

AmandinePoulain Mon 21-Jan-13 13:30:22

Ahhh Hazel, you've reminded me of my Safeway reducing days <wistful sigh>

My supermarket rage incident happened just after dd1 was born, I was pushing my brand new pfb around Tescos when a little girl walking in front of me dropped a jar of pasta sauce. It smashed and there was sauce and glass everywhere so I stopped, and the lady (I use the term very loosely!) walking behind me screamed at me "what the fuck is wrong with you?, get a fucking move on will you!" I just turned to her and pointed to the floor and crying child in front of me. At which point she pushed me out of the way. Another shopper came over to ask how I was and said "snooty old cow, you should've thumped her and blamed it on the hormones!". I kept seeing scary woman in the aisles after that, as well as the nice lady, who shot me supportive looks and glared at the nasty bitch grin

Ooooh I'm shock at some of these!

I did witness a to-do but I couldn't hang around long enough to see the outcome.
You know when you've got a mahhhooooosive trolley full and the person behind you has just 2 or 3 items? You might let them go before you.

The next aisle, precisely this happened. The 3 items lady put her shopping down - then waved her DH over with a full trolley that they started unloading.
The other shopper was gobsmacked and protested (no swearing) but the lady pretended she didn't understand. (But she understood "Oh you can go before me, you've only got a couple of things" )

happynewmind Mon 21-Jan-13 13:31:14

I was once pushed to the ground in a supermarket while heavily pregnant because I was going to get the last Turkey crown on Christmas Eve and the old lady wanted it, she must have been around 80, she yelled "I fucking need that" and pushed me out of the way, because pregnant and wobbly she actually knocked me over.

MrsDeVere Mon 21-Jan-13 13:32:21

I was walking past Tesco in Leyton once.
I was a few months pregnant but not really showing.
This insufferable oik barred my way and said something he thought was irresistible.
Blame it on the hormones, blame it on my upbringing, blame it on my perchant for a bit if Nancy Mitford..
But I launched into a tirade that made me sound like a cross between Jennifer Lopez, penelope Keith and the woman I saw on Jezza vile this morning.

'oh no! You di'nt jus touch me! Tell me u di'nt jus step up in my FACE! Take your hands off me young man and while you are about it, get yourself a job and stop loitering outside supermarkets bothering pregnant, married women. I could be your mother!

His face was a picture. I think he was Lithuanian. I probably confused him.

Mosman Mon 21-Jan-13 13:33:43

I was at the check out at M&S and DD wanted to put my card in and the pin so I let her. I got a mouthful about not delaying the express checkout.
I turned and said that the child needed to learn these things and got told to get stuffed. The woman serving then had the bloody cheek to ask if she was ok

dayshiftdoris Mon 21-Jan-13 13:37:54

OMG I must either live somewhere rough or not shop in decent supermarkets (ASDA & Morrisons so perhaps is that)... Loads to choose from...

Busy Saturday and toddler runs full pelt in front on my trolley which I am pushing down an aisle - put anchors on, my son walks into the handle as he is daydreaming walking alongside and I go 'Woahhhh... careful sweatheart'.....
I was a bit [shocked] and his DP was [shocked]
I regained my composure and said 'Yet me get this right... YOUR child runs in front of me when YOU are supposed to watching her and I stop her from getting hurt and I am a stupid fucking bitch?.... Really? Grow up you tosser?' and then to his missus 'My god love there are times I am really pleased to be single'
Mum took the little girl threw a angry look at the partner and stalked out of ASDA...
I nearly cried though sad


I had a lady refuse me through the 10 items or less till in Morrisons 10mins before closing when there was her and another till open and 3 shoppers - 2 with huge baskets full... I had 12 items hmm so I wasn't allowed...
As I queued another member of staff asked me to go through the 10 items till so I said really loud
'Sorry, I can't that member of staff is only allowed to do 10 items at a time and I have 12... and I much prefer assistants with manners rather than lazy jobsworths who would rather pick their teeth than do their job'

I swear the woman smiled and then she turned to the lady in front of me with enough food to feed a small army for a month in her basket and said 'Would you like to follow me madam' and promptly took her to the 10 items till... I gave the scowling shop assistant (who still had a full belt and stuff to go on it) a wave as I skipped out!!

Dawndonna Mon 21-Jan-13 13:40:45

I once slapped someone in a supermarket. blush
I knew her, she had a dd at the same school as mine. DD was severely autistic, lovely girl, but sometimes things got a bit much for her. Saw her in supermarket and said hi and wandered off, only to hear her yell two seconds later, turned around and Mum was slapping her across face and telling her not to touch. I went up to Mum, slapped her and told her not to touch her dd.
Police and all sorts were threatened until I pointed out that Social Services would be involved too.
In fact they were. I made sure of it.

FrameyMcFrame Mon 21-Jan-13 13:42:59

I had a P and C parking debacle with a man in morrisons but it was me who was in the wrong.

I parked in the P and C bay without a child in the car. I was so used to going in them I'd forgotten DC was at school not in the car.
Sorry .....

insanityscratching Mon 21-Jan-13 13:45:58

grin MrsD

No real dramas but was hoiking my judgy pants as a woman was being really aggressive with an angelic looking toddler in her trolley who appeared to be doing little more than trying to make conversation.
It took all my best efforts not to laugh despite the shock face when he gave up and said as clear as a bell "well fuck off then cow!"

Magrathea Mon 21-Jan-13 13:46:46

Not a supermarket thread as such, but I have seen plenty of bitch fights in my time. Years ago I had a Sunday job in a garden centre. In the summer, it was ripe for bringing out the worst in the great British public as it was a) hot b) crowded as there was nowhere else for people to go at that time on a Sunday and c) (and most importantly) alcohol fuelled. People used to come to the Garden Centre with all family in tow after usually going out for Sunday lunch and, fuelled by a couple of Chardonnay's, they were mostly up for a scrap. It could be anything that triggered it, theft of trailing lobelia from trollies, theft of the whole trolley, smash and grab on the hanging baskets.

The thing that brought out the absolute worst though was the one up bitching of the orange tanned and permed brigade was the dried flower section. This was at the time when it was popular to stick bits of dead flowers which smelled of wee into baskets as interior decoration (I fear we may be heading back to this if we give Kirsty Allsop her head). I've actually seen someone being hit over the head with an ornamental teasle in a particular bout of trolley rage.

The fights brightened up otherwise dull shifts but quite often we were asked to referee. I used to suddenly have some urgent pricing to do when I saw a vision in studded denim heading my way expecting redress.

zukiecat Mon 21-Jan-13 13:48:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elizaregina Mon 21-Jan-13 13:48:58

Next time I go that Aldi I am going to dress down and keep my mouth shut.

If a couple can get that agressive to a woman with a pushchair and quite clearly a days old baby - for momentarily blocking their way then profusly apologising...what would happen with a real incident!
V sad round reduced trolly, section as its usually alot of oldies there trying to eek out thier pensions, in that case I always defer to them first.....

but when the raiders are they - they dont give a shit - straight in - barge everyone out the way ....angry

Mybumissquidgy Mon 21-Jan-13 13:49:04

In Tesco once as a teenager, just dashed back with a forgotten box of cereal to my little brother who was emptying our trolley onto the checkout (I know, I know!). I'm stood at the end of the checkout putting the cereal on and this man just rammed me in the side with his trolley. And then continued pushing like I wasn't there. I asked him what the fuck he thought he was doing and pushed the trolley back into him. He just tutted at me and joined a queue about three checkouts over. And then just stands and glares. And glares. And glares! So because I was a bit of a wind up merchant I did the wanker sign at him with my hand. He went BALLASTIC. Swearing and raving and screaming at me. I just did that blank face thing, shook my head and shouted back "why are you screaming at me? I don't even know you." And he just kept raving on and on while he finished at the checkout and carried on as he left. It was childish but I was quite amused at the time at how he overreacted.

Looking back I'm horrified! Can you imagine if he'd waited outside for us or followed us home to beat us up? Glad I've grown up a bit since then!!!

elizaregina Mon 21-Jan-13 13:50:05

" I've actually seen someone being hit over the head with an ornamental teasle in a particular bout of trolley rage."

whats an ornamental - teasle ? grin

ShamyFarrahCooper Mon 21-Jan-13 13:51:43

Ha I never thought I'd contribute to a thread like this, but there you go grin

New Years Eve, Mil, ds & I were picking up a few bits in her local supermarket. The place was mobbed, getting clattered by trolleys etc. MIL was patiently waiting to get down an aisle, when another woman started chatting to her about how busy it was. Mil then caught the eye of a stroppy faced woman who gave her a get-out-of-the-way look and Mil said 'sorry I can't move yet'.

The woman started shouting at her, saying she never pulled a face etc. Anyway, we moved on, woman comes back up to her and bitching again, demanding an apology (no idea what for). I asked her to go away as ds (5) was trying to say 'gran never did anything' and I didn't want her shouting in front of him.
She starts speaking to HIM 'well actually your Gran/mum/whoever...' and I akshewally said 'don't you speak to my son'.

Woman from the meat counter came over to 'calm things down' blush

was the most bizarre thing, I've no idea what happened other than maybe she was frazzled?

If you made sense of that, can you explain it to me? grin

This is nearly ten years ago now but I once got into a massive confrontation with a dad who was calling his 3/4 year old a 'little fucking cunt'. He also yanked her hooded jacket and slapped her in the face. All because she was crying and wanting to sit on the ride on thingy at the supermarket.

I stormed over to him and yelled very loudly to get away from the child. He said all indignantly it's my child.

I said he was clearly angry and stressed and he was to walk away from her right now before I called the police. I was very, very firm.

I could see the thought of beating the shit out of me cross his face but he thought better of it and went and stood 50 feet away while me and the security guard (who so didn't want to get involved) watched her.

ShamyFarrahCooper Mon 21-Jan-13 13:55:54

Oh and at my local asda:

A 'gangland' shooting occured (I was not there but it was heavily covered on news)

A huge brawl -men/women/security/workers etc. Was crazy. Saw some poor shop worker bleeding. No idea what kicked it off at all.

We should get danger money for shopping grin

Reaa Mon 21-Jan-13 13:58:14

After reading all these, I'm sticking to online shopping!

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 14:03:02

Laurie what happened then - did someone else come and pick up the the little girl?

I always hate watching people being horrible to their kids, but have always assumed that someone intervening would mean the child would get even more of a beating when they got home as being the cause of 'showing me up'. <voice of experience>

a teasel eliza is one of those dried thistley headed things that grows beside the M25 motorway amongst other places.
Long brown stem and the head is a bit jaggy.(We used to pretend they were baby hedgehog in my childhood. No X-Boxes then)

I suppose the ornamental ones are covered in glitter and you put them in with your pebbles and twiigy shit.

(Well you did ask) grin

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Jan-13 14:05:09

see I don't witness anything like this because I go to Waitrose in St Helier and you can't get much posher than that. So soz an all

Early December I was 37 weeks pregnant and stood in Card Factory/Warehouse buying Christmas cards. It was bedlam, you could barely move. I waited my turn for the "Nan" cards and was just looking through them when a large woman came and stood side on to me and rested her hangy belly/apron on my hip. She was so close she was huffing into my ear. I turned and said look love if I can manage not to touch you with this <point at bump> surely you don't need to rest your belly on my arse. Didn't stop her though so I childishly took extra long picking a card

The week after at 38+5, serious weeble territory, a woman hit me up the arse with a mobility scooter while I looked at the bread in ASDA. She then got to the end of the aisle, turned round and drove straight at me. I leapt out of the way (not easy when enormously pregnant) to avoid being hit in the bump. She did a smirk as she drove past that did for me. I was marched to the checkout by DP while shouting she hit me twice, there won't be a fucking third time! blush

Hormones eh?

AshokanFarewell Mon 21-Jan-13 14:08:57

Another toilet one! We were in a cafe at a wildlife park on a Saturday in the middle of the summer, so it was very busy. There were only four male and four female toilets, both sets were on the same small corridor at the back of the cafe. The queues came out into the corridor so the doors to each set of loos were open. It was one of those situations where everyone gets chatting while they wait. It became clear that the cisterns weren't filling up quick enough so people were having to wait several minutes to be able to flush the loo (this is relevant!)

A man rushed in with a toddler under his arm and another little boy, about five. He was shouting at the toddler, quite angrily, to "hold it in". He marched into the bathrooms without saying anything, but it was quite clear the toddler was about to wet himself so the men in the queue were sympathetic.

All the cubicles were full at the time and the man was standing there yelling about how naughty it would be for the boy to wet himself, and the poor little boy was crying. A man rushed out from a cubicle without waiting to flush the loo as he could hear that this man and toddler needed to go. The toddler got to the loo, disaster was averted, and we all went about our business and then back into the park without a second thought.

Later we were queuing for an ice cream and happened to be in front of the man from the toilet, who was with a large group. Then the man with the toddler walked past, spotted the other man and came over, yelling "What the fuck is wrong with you? You could have at least flushed the toilet!". The first man calmly explained that he had tried to flush but it hadn't worked, but he had rushed out anyway so the toddler could go next. Other man was not having any of it and carried on yelling. Luckily we had our ice creams by this time and were able to leave but we could hear him yelling from the next enclosure and it went on for several minutes!

Personally I think I'd rather have seen an unflushed toilet than had to deal with a toddler with wee soaked trousers! Especially as the man didn't appear to have a bag with him so I assume no change of clothes for the little one.

Cortana Mon 21-Jan-13 14:11:22

I live in a rough area of Scotland (mon tha scheme!). Our Tesco reduced section is lovely, the same lot everyday scavenging huge bags of veg for 5p and well within date bread for 1p. We tend to say hello now, grin about "waste not want not" and point out things the others may like. No one was interested in the bag of 7 lemons for 1p until I pointed out I'd been using them to clean. We share nice. Lovely stuff. grin

I have shoved a woman twice my size back when she shoved me out of the self service queue in Morrisons though.

I try to be polite but when someone shoves my DS I get the rage, he is right next to me, say excuse me ffs! He knows how to deal with it now. "That lady didn't say excuse me Mam, she just pushed." I tend to say "What a shame DS, just make sure you say excuse me, nice to be polite." PA at it's best.

ornamental teasel
Bit like a thistle I think.

Not me but my DF (father not fiance) on Christmas Eve a couple of years ago. Not really a fight either. In Tesco, he got the last pack of black and white pudding from the fridge. Posh lady beside him said "Oh dear is that the last one" and he said "Yes". Both went on their separate ways.

A couple of aisles later he found large individual black and white puddings. He spotted the posh lady at the end of the aisle, and picked up one of each, went over to her, and said "There you are love".

She looked at him blankly.

It wasn't the same woman.

And he'd just handed her two very penis shaped items of food.

My mum said they have never finished their shopping so quick in their lives, she was watching out for the police all the time they were at the checkout.

FreePeaceSweet Mon 21-Jan-13 14:31:26

The Sainsbury's I worked in was rough. It was smack bang in the middle of studentsville in Manchester. One sunday this bloke went behind the butchers counter, took a cleaver and ran round the aisles slashing at customers and staff. He was going berserk. Trying to avoid him was the single scariest moment of my life. He got to customer services where my friend was cowering behind the counter and started hacking the desk up. It was like something out of a horror film. So much blood. sad Some customers and staff started throwing cans at him and knocked him clean out. 5 people sat on top of him and could barely restrain him.

Mosman Mon 21-Jan-13 14:35:43

Fucking hell

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 14:38:26


At my local Sainsburys there's a checkout operator who I always avoid if in a hurry. A lot of the older generation seem to love her so they choose her on purpose. She's always looking up and waving at regulars and seems to know a lot of them. She chats away without a care in the world scanning the shopping at a snails pace so she gets to finish whatever story she's rambling on about.

One time I was queuing at the checkout next to hers and could hear her usual "my son this, my husband that, ooh these crisps look lovely" type thing when the man behind her current customer asked her to get a move on. The customer who was packing his shopping away leapt to her defence and argued back that they'd take as long as they liked thanks. Much tutting and moaning from both of them and then all of a sudden the one who was in front turned around and grabbed the waiting customer by his collar and told him not to be so rude. Both had their wives with them who were trying to call them away "just leave it Don" while checkout woman still carried on trying to chat with first customer shock. She was still shouting after him when serving the now terrified looking bloke who started it "see you next week, take care" and smiling and waving. It was like she was completely oblivious to what had just happened.

Brunocat Mon 21-Jan-13 14:49:26

We were in Marks and Spencer's once and my Gran noticed a woman beating her kid up in the fruit and veg aisle (This was about twenty years ago when stuff like that was more common) My Gran took exception to this and went over to have a word. This quickly escalated into my Gran slapping the kiddybeater around the face and then all of us running in case she / security came after us. Not bad for a 75 year old.

bluewonderful Mon 21-Jan-13 14:49:50

I was in M&S Foodhall between Christmas and New Year. It was heaving - wall to wall trollies. I'd stopped to let a woman on a mobility scooter coming towards me turn down one of the aisles. The woman behind me shoved her trolley straight into me, pulled it back and did it again. Not so subtle hint to move. She then tried to push past me. I told her I'd stopped to let the mobility scooter through but once it hadI'd happily let her past too as she was clearly terribly important and there must be some sort of urgent emergency to necessitate her pushing me out of the way. She had the good grace to turn puce and wait her turn.

HintsOfRain Mon 21-Jan-13 14:51:42

I once was told off for playing skittles in a supermarket aisle (Gateways).

We arranged 9 cans of beans at one end, and went down the other end and rolled one of those big tins of chappie. It was great fun.

But then they told us off and we ran away.

Seriously? I can't see how that's funny to be honest.

I worked in a supermarket as a student. The amount of money the store lost in a week due to wastage/damaged products was awful.

The store was really struggling and peoples hours were cut down dramatically. When you are working for minimum wage you need as many hours as you can get.

And you think it's fine to deliberately damage products because "it was great fun"

Maybe think of the bigger picture next time.

Crinkle77 Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:59

I have been the perpetrator of supermarket rage once. I was getting frustrated with people getting in my way. The shop was busy and people just kept dawdling down the middle of the aisle, stopping dead in front of me etc... Anyway I just saw red at this woman who was strolling down the middle of the aisle in the way. I just barged my way past her and kept going and as I did hit her hand with the trolley. I have to say I felt awful afterwards and thoroughly ashamed of myself.

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 21-Jan-13 15:06:36

bupcakes no must have been a different hormonal woman you were fighting with mine was in the carpark as I was leaving with some man starting on me in front of his children nice but put him back in his box bald headed twatbag that he was

FreePeaceSweet Mon 21-Jan-13 15:07:30

Crinkle thats awful. Did you apologise? There is absolutely nothing worthy of being the cause of that. For the life of me I don't understand why people go shopping at busy times if they hate it.

PessaryPam Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:11

I called a man a stupid tosser in Tescos after he had nearly run us over in the car park. I was extremely cross.

Bakingnovice Mon 21-Jan-13 15:14:41

Brunocat love the story about your gran. Reminds me of the time my sister was trying to teach her teenage sons how despicable swearing is. They weren't interested and after a frustrating ten minutes of them ignoring she just said 'I might aswell shut the fuck up as they don't fucking listen anyway '.

DuchessFanny Mon 21-Jan-13 15:20:47

I've got one from my DH and one of mine

My DH had gone to tesco's and parkedin the p&c space at which point a mum in another car went bonkers ' it's a P&c space you dippy fucker ! What gives you the right ' etc etc ... She had the good grace to go very red when DH calmly got out pointed to our DS in his car seat and ' that gives me the right DADS are allowed to park here too '

My one was odd at best, walking through a different branch of tescos with a basket on my arm when some mad old dear pipes up ' oh yeah ! You're all fucking right eh ? With your little basket and your big tits !' I was .... Dumbfounded !!!

MulledWineandScully Mon 21-Jan-13 15:27:04

Be careful out there people - this is how it could end.

comingintomyown Mon 21-Jan-13 15:47:28

bupcakes "fuck off chunk" - priceless !!!!

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 15:55:55

I once was told off for playing skittles in a supermarket aisle (Gateways).

We arranged 9 cans of beans at one end, and went down the other end and rolled one of those big tins of chappie. It was great fun.

But then they told us off and we ran away.

Seriously? I can't see how that's funny to be honest.

I worked in a supermarket as a student. The amount of money the store lost in a week due to wastage/damaged products was awful.

The store was really struggling and peoples hours were cut down dramatically. When you are working for minimum wage you need as many hours as you can get.

And you think it's fine to deliberately damage products because "it was great fun"

Maybe think of the bigger picture next time."

Consider yourself told, GetOrf.

The CEO of supermarkets is PISSED OFF with YOU.

marriedinwhite Mon 21-Jan-13 16:04:09

I just wondered it Getorf ever won the tin of chappie and what a disappointment it would be.

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 16:22:26

That post made me snurk too Bupcakes grin

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 16:26:11

Jeeeez I know. Only on MN could someone be pissed off with someone for something done in youthful foolishness (unless it was last week Getorf, in which case I am with the CEO)

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 21-Jan-13 16:34:15

That poster has a weird obsession with supermarkets anyway, as she's just started a thread about people eating stuff before paying.

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Jan-13 16:38:27

lol, there is a veritable rash of supermarket threads at the mo. I'm so gald we don't have an Asda...........

We're you a student quite recently Hint because I used to work in McDonalds years ago and they certainly don't still have a place in my heart

elizaregina Mon 21-Jan-13 16:43:23

Ah, isnt that sweet scarletfinernail, a bit of old fashioned customer chatting like ye old days of the little sweet, somewher the old folk can have a chat and catch up.

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 16:45:43

Lolol at that post. Bless. Bigger picture indeed.

WHO works for a supermarket as a student and wrings their hands over a few battered tins.

ACTUALLY FUCK perhaps I was partially responsible for the demise of Gateways. sad

There wasn't much to do in Ilfracombe in the late 80s. Supermarket skittles was a highlight.

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Jan-13 16:48:42

Didn't Gateway turn into International and/or Summerfield? I'm sure it wasn't entirely your fault GetOrf, although for an ailing company events like that can be the straw, I mean look at Blockbuster. One overdue DVD and the whole thing came crashing down...........

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 21-Jan-13 16:49:16

Blimey, just come back to this one.

Getorf you is busted!

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Mon 21-Jan-13 16:54:04

Didn't Gateway turn into International and/or Summerfield?

Ahem. I think I can help here. International came first, followed by Gateway, followed by Somerfield, in various manifestations and takeovers.

I quite like Somerfield <irrelevant>

neriberi Mon 21-Jan-13 16:54:04

I was in Waitrose (I'm not posh btw) trying to decide what meat to buy as part of their essential winter meal deal (meat + 2 veg = £5 offer) when the lady behind me enquired to the ever so polite shelf stacker if it was just "Waitrose essential meat" that was on offer because she didn't do "Waitrose essential meat" confused

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Jan-13 16:56:02

Thanks Ariel. I quite like Somerfield too grin Are you the CEO btw? You might want to have a word with GetOrf...........

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Mon 21-Jan-13 16:59:36

I was just drafting a letter to a solicitor actually <purses lips>

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Jan-13 17:03:49


ShotgunNotDoingThePans Mon 21-Jan-13 17:08:08

Excuse me Neribi that's a partner you're talkin about there!

I just don't go to the right places to shop ....

chickensarmpit Mon 21-Jan-13 17:20:43

An elderly man followed me around asda once kissing my 4 year old on the hands and cheeks. I kept telling him to stop, he'd walk off and the same thing in the next aisle. I was looking on the shelves, turned around and caught him doing it again. So I whacked him with my hovis. If he wasn't old i would of punched him. He did it 5 times!

manicbmc Mon 21-Jan-13 17:21:45

I've seen a few domestics in Morrisons in Byker. And quite a few shoplifters being chased.

I stopped shopping there ages ago because it is cramped and people are generally angry and I kept bumping into kids from school.

2 miles up the road and Sainsbury is like a different world. Everyone is polite, the staff are helpful and the aisles are wide enough that no one gets hemmed in.

dontmixthecolours Mon 21-Jan-13 17:24:03

This thread has really made me laugh. Thanks so much, I'm having a crap month day and thus has helped!

fourfingerkitkat Mon 21-Jan-13 17:24:26

In Asda (hangs head and wonders if I will ever overcome the shame..) I was at the reduced section looking for a bargain whilst the girls were trying to mark stuff down. They asked if everyone could move back for a moment to give them a chance to get the stuff on the shelf quick. A complete arsehole of a man started getting lippy, telling them to hurry up. When they asked him to be patient, he got really abusive and said he was the customer, therefore he was right, so go get the manager so he could complain. I'd had about 3 hrs sleep the night before so stuck my nose in and told him to go get the manager himself because I'd just witnessed him being a total prick and abusive to the staff. Then I realised how foolish it was to get lippy with a man when I had to small children in a double pram and could hardly make a quick getaway...

MooMooSkit Mon 21-Jan-13 17:24:50

I had a woman barge in the back of my ankles when I was lookig at the reduced shelf in Tesco, I thought it was an accident so turned round to expect her to apologize but she was just giving me right evils so I said "do you mind you fat miserable old cow" don't think she was expecting me to say anything as I was a good few stone/inches smaller and shorter than her! No need for rudeness like that though!

I've also had to have a go at people myself though. There was a woman standing talking to three other ladies at the entrance of Asda, the other doors were broken so it was literally JUST that entrance and they were standing with two trolleys blocking pretty much the whole entrance so people having to steer packed trolleys out past them as the other ones were closed was a nightmare. Most people passing tuted and looked at them shaking their heads and the woman says loud "Gawd everyone is just SO RUDE in here!! We are only having a conversation!!" So i said "It might help if you don't block the whole bloody entrance off you daft cow!!" grin

hackmum Mon 21-Jan-13 17:26:05

Just before Christmas I had to go into Sainsbury's as my DD wanted a couple of small items. (Normally I shop in Waitrose, dahling, where they're all lovely.) Had to wait in a queue for ages with two items, and then just as the woman in front had finished shopping and was about to pay with her card, she turned around at me and asked me NOT TO STAND SO CLOSE. I moved away, muttering under my breath (as you do) and then she told me, again very aggressively, that I hadn't moved far away and could still see her PIN. At that point I got huffy, swore at her, and said "I'm not staying around to be treated like a common criminal" and walked off leaving my items behind. Afterwards I thought of a dozen ways I could have handled the situation better, but at the time I was really taken aback. I mean, I was just standing in the queue minding my own business - what sort of person goes round accusing others of trying to read their PIN number?

There is regular fighting and arguments, but the worst thing that ever happened in our ASDA was a visit from Peter Andre. I still haven't fully recovered.

Stropzilla Mon 21-Jan-13 17:27:39

In co-op I accidentally touched someone standing right next to me in a crowded idle. They gave me a really filthy look and I thought they may have been recovering from an injury or something given the response, so I immediately said "oh I'm sorry". They scowled at me and said "no you're not!" I politely replied "no you're right. I WAS sorry but given your attitude I don't think I really am." We stalked away from each other and avoided each other after that!

manicbmc Mon 21-Jan-13 17:28:57

Headfirst, you poor bugger! I'd sue them for distress and compensation for the counselling you'll need to get over this terror. grin

FobblyWoof Mon 21-Jan-13 17:32:01

Oh my god chickens confused that's really bad!

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 18:14:16

"WHO works for a supermarket as a student and wrings their hands over a few battered tins."


I rubbed my hands with glee when my student-time employer's business got closed down because she was a slave-driving twat who paid £2 an hour whilst she swanned off in her brand-new Porsche every day

HeartsAreEveryWhere Mon 21-Jan-13 18:18:17

I do kind of see the point made about the skittles blush

I mean if the tins were battered they are less likely to sell right? Therefore it is a loss to the supermarket.

And I guess lots of small losses add up to one huge loss eventually.

When I worked in the supermarket while a student there were regular food fights behind the scenes. My Asda uniform baseball cap was frequently tomato splatted.

grin at Headfirst.

OwlCatMouse Mon 21-Jan-13 18:22:50

I stupidly went to Waitrose the week before Christmas - car park is for town as well, and it's heaving at the best of times - before Christmas it's total mayhem.

There was a huge queue to go into the carpark, so I drove in , saw the madness of the queues, hundreds of cars circling for a space and decided to give up and go home. I went the back way out of the car park, and happened to catch someone reversing out of their space, so nipped in quick. Nobody was waiting for it but me, but there was a HUGE queue on the other side of the one way bit.

One old fucker wound down his window, called me an entitled bitch, who the fuck did I think I was, even called me a cunt! - as he was spewing this abuse at me he wasn't really looking where he was going and drove straight into the car in front of him shock

Felt sorry for the other person, but was grin at the old twat. Serves him right. I grinned and waved at him as I walked past his broken car <childish>

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 18:23:14

Lol at funnys.

Yes, Gateway (I still remember their advert jingle and say it to (bemused) DD sometimes in a moment of crisis averted: "thank GOODNESS for Gateway!") Turned into Scummerfields and they were taken over by COop, who sell DISGUSTING food at robbery prices.

Luckily I live in a city near all the supermarkets so if I am feeling delicate I can avoid the rougharse ones (morrisons or the big filthy tesco). The asda round here is strangely all right.

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 18:27:26

Yes it was stupid re the skittles.

I was a very stupid 14 year old.

I didn't do it all the time, honest guv.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 18:28:47

I hate Co-op. I hope to never shop at a Co-op again.

I hate them because they were the only grocery store in mid-Argyll and they charged astronomical prices. They're often the only shops in towns in the Western Highlands. What particularly annoyed me was all that fucking talk about Fair Trade this and that. Then they gouge the local community.

And the same lorries that deliver to mid-Argyll go on up to Oban, where their prices are a bit more reasonable because they have Tesco, Aldi, and Lidle to compete against.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 18:30:30

Honestly, I could not get myself lathered up about supermarket losing a few pee in tins dented by GetOrf's ogre feet. Really. It's sticking to the man <sniggers>

Get this and tell me what an atrocious cunt I am. When I was younger, I used to punch cakes in supermarkets just so they couldn't sell them. The expensive ones in the fridge. I used to punch them right in their stupid sponge faces. And then I'd saunter over to the deli counter, order ten cocktailsausages and then eat them on my way round before blithely tossing the wrapper on a shelf.

I am a renegade master.

cocolepew Mon 21-Jan-13 18:33:51

I was parking in our shopping centers carpark, DD was just a baby and had been in hospital for a week. I was out for the first time to get more nappies. An elderly man suddenly ran after me waving a walking stick, saying I had taken his place. I said there had been no car near me. He said that because he was disabled he was allowed to park where he wanted when there was no disabled parking spots left and he wanted that one hmm.
I told him to fuck away off and continued on, then he whacked me with his stick a,couple of times. So I snatched it of him, threw it across the carpark and ran away.

I also refused to let a woman go any further up the aisle in Tesco, by standing in front of her etrolley. She had been screaming at her small DD the whole way round and I saw her pull her hair. She seemed very pleased with herself, and kept looking around to see who was watching.Another woman came over and we decided to phone the police on her. Didn't half wipe the smirk of her face.

cocolepew Mon 21-Jan-13 18:40:17

Oh and I witnessed a brilliant fight in Homebase. Two very posh women fighting over the last roll of Laura Ashley wallpaper. It started off with words, progressed onto pulling the roll back and forth and ended with one hitting the other with it. Me, DD and a man watching, were like this shock grin.
The security guard came and ended up manhandling the hitter out of the store, all the while she was screaming don't you know who I am?". Nobody did.

Then we saw her half an hour later in M &S yelling at a worker there. Of course she started the don't you know......etc again. Turns out she was a councillor hmm

TandB Mon 21-Jan-13 18:44:07

marriedinwhite - I too have had an incident in the Waitrose in Putney!

I was queuing for the basket-only tills - 2 pairs of tills and one central queue as you probably know. It was a long queue - about a dozen people waiting - and it would have been a little tricky to miss it.

I was about halfway down the queue and there were two women in front of me with babies in buggies. I was heavily, visibly pregnant at the time. A man, probably in his 60s, wandered down from the back of the queue and re-inserted himself into the queue in front of the first of the two buggy women. The three of us looked at each other with our mouths open and then I turned round to look at the people behind me, all of whom were making "what the actual fuck?" gestures.

The first lady tapped him on the shoulder and said "Excuse me. You appear to have jumped the queue." At which point he went absolutely ballistic - in a terribly posh way - and started shouting "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I'm not as important as you because I'm not a mother, because I don't have a baby. I'll just go to the back of the queue then, shall I, shall I?" The entire queue looked at each other again and went "Yes, yes, that sounds like a good idea. Excellent. Thanks for that" and words to that effect.

So he stormed off to the back of the queue and started another row because he tried to reclaim his original place in the queue which was now longer than it had been when he tried to queue jump. While still yelling about him not being as entitled as mothers.

The daft thing was, all of us agreed that if he'd just asked, we'd probably have let him go in front as he only had a couple of things.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 21-Jan-13 18:50:01

No way Manic I was just saying how I had never seen a supermarket fight even though I shopped at Byker morrishop. Must be the days of the week grin

marriedinwhite Mon 21-Jan-13 18:57:49

Tis the shop from hell *Kungfu*. The one in Wandsworth is lovely though.

turkeyboots Mon 21-Jan-13 19:13:23

I was the crazy lady once. In Somerfield as the student I slapped now DHs hand away from the steak and said in a firm voice "no".

Except it wasn't DH, it was a mortified looking middle aged man. I went luxe, gabbled apolgies and ran away.

turkeyboots Mon 21-Jan-13 19:13:46

Luxe? Puce!

ShiftyFades Mon 21-Jan-13 19:39:47

I had a "vocal exchange" in Sains near Christmas 2011.

DS and I had done our shopping, everything was bagged and packed in our trolley, on our way out I noticed a trolley asking for "gifts for kids".
Now the thought of a child waking up nothing from Santa on Christmas Day breaks my heart so DS and I went back in the store to the toy aisle and chose 2 toys.

As we were only buying 2 items I went to the basket aisle.

Firstly an elderly man chose to ignore us in the queue and stood in front of us. I politely told him we were in the queue, he grumbled and stood behind us.
Then all hell broke loose... A 2nd elderly man came along with his basket (containing lots of items) and stood in front of us.
So I politely told him there was a queue.
He replied "but you've got a trolley"
I said "we've already bought all the stuff in the trolley, we are queuing to buy these 2 items in my hands"

Repeat above exchange 5 times.

I was fuming but the lovely lady in front of us handed me a basket, saying "here, pop them in this".

So I did and the old twat man went to the back of the queue.

I still had a trolley of Pre-purchased items but because my 2 to-be-paid-for items were no longer in my hand an were in a basket he seemed satisfied.

Oh the things I muttered under my breath loudly ... "You try and do a good deed", "yes DS we are ONLY buying 2 toys for the children who won't get anything for Christmas" etc etc.

Oh I'm all angry again!! grin

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 19:40:35

bups I wished I had known you at school re the cake punching. Christ we would have had fun in Kwik Save. Played polo with some baguettes and mini baby bels whilst scooting on a trolley, frisbee some flans. grin

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 19:42:36

Oh no, this wasn't when I was at school. I was about 21.

<deep shame> blush

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 19:42:43

I am astonished that a Waitrose in Putney would be awful.

mind you, you would think that a Tesco in Cheltenham would be refained. It is not.

We now have a whole foods market in Cheltenham, it makes Waitrose look like a scabby corner shop. It's amazing. But bloody hell the prices of stuff.

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 19:43:59

Hahaha you utter twat. grin

I would deeply love to punch a cake right now. It must be so satisfying.

ThedementedPenguin Mon 21-Jan-13 19:47:15

These are brilliant. I must live a VERY sheltered life!

marriedinwhite Mon 21-Jan-13 19:51:12

Have you ever been to Putney Getorf? The high street's awful - little quality and no heart.

Not brilliant for shopping but the buses get you to the Kings Road in no time grin.

teamboleyn Mon 21-Jan-13 19:51:19

I was buying my lunch in M & S, one sandwich, and stood in the 5 items or less queue and i noticed the woman in front had about 12 items, I felt a bit pissed off as I only had half an hour for my lunch and she clearly was a lady of leisure. I tapped her on the shoulder and pointed out that she had too many items for the queue. She just turned her nose up at me and said 'well I'm here now' When bought my sandwich I passed her paying the assisstant and said loudly 'you'd better check that money, that snooty cow clearly can't count' blush

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 19:51:33

The best ones were the gateaus. You could give them a real bunch of fives. They were always in a thinplastic casing rather than cardboard so it was abit more of a challenge.

God I am a cunt.

Loislane78 Mon 21-Jan-13 19:53:34

Was in Sainsburys before Xmas getting items for a regular shop plus a few nice things to take to PIL for Xmas. Among other things we had Bisto and some bottles of champagne.

DP is loading the conveyor belt when this uber posh woman and her husband in front said "champagne AND Bisto, hope you're not going to drink them together hahaha, you do know you can make gravy from the meat juices?". shock

Errrr WTF has it got to do with you lady how I take my Bisto and Champagne! Yes I do know how to make gravy but maybe I haven't got any meat and it's not juicy and maybe I'm busy pissed on my nice Chamagne

DP was too stunned to say anything; we agreed later we should have asked why she wasn't shopping in Waitrose grin

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 20:07:18

I always thought that Putney must be rather nice and smart (based almost entirely on the fact that Jilly Cooper used to live there, and Jimmy Goldsmith 'out out out' grin)

GetOrf Mon 21-Jan-13 20:08:25

I am still laughing at the image of you in your 20s walking down the aisle and sneakily punching cakes and dashing off. grin

NicholasTeakozy Mon 21-Jan-13 20:15:24

After finding I wouldn't be able to get a word in, I calmly said "Fuck off, chunk" then advised her husband to go to the pet aisle and buy his mrs a muzzle. She was like this angry

Bups, you're a star. grin

This thread has reminded me why I avoid Morrisons.

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 21-Jan-13 20:15:50

buppers I had no idea you were such an anarchist shock

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 20:25:19

I am fucking ROCK, me.

If you're made of flour and eggs, watch yo back.

KumquatMae Mon 21-Jan-13 20:28:31

manic I nearly DIED the day Morrisons opened in Byker. People wandering around gazing in pure wonderment at things stacked on shelves, and sometimes even more than one brand of thevsame thing! I heard "well its a lot better than Kwik save" about a hundred times. And the queues at the checkouts! Insanity

I don't live up North anymore but I understand there's an Asda in town now? And where's Sainsburys? Could have bloody done with them, I had the co-op or netto to.choose from, and then morrisons when it came along grumble

ceeveebee Mon 21-Jan-13 20:36:00

DH nearly had a scrap in our local tesco express tonight.
There was a single queue for cashier and self service tills, and a woman just jumped the queue and went straight to till - DH said 'oi love, there's a queue' and some random bloke took it upon himself to be her knight in shining armour - DH ended up muttering 'prick' under his breath and he then told DH to step outside! He didn't obviously, but man waited for him and had a shouting episode in the street.
All very embarressing. Wouldn't have happened at Waitrose.

FreakoidOrganisoid Mon 21-Jan-13 20:54:07

As a teenager on holiday with my family in France I had a battle with a French couple over my parents trolley that they were trying to walk off with. We stood there for a good few minutes with me holding tight and saying 'non' and them looking increasingly frustrated. I then looked into the trolley and realised I was holding on to the wrong one.

FreakoidOrganisoid Mon 21-Jan-13 21:00:18

A few years ago when I was still with xh I used to have to shop the reduced section as he spent all the money on alcohol. I walked to Sainsburys at the usual mark down time but nothing was reduced yet so I hung around, returning to the reduced counters every now and then. I was getting a bit edgy as xh was going to hit the roof about how long I had been. Then I heard the member of staff who was going to be marking down say really snidely that she wasn't going to mark anything down until the loser waiting for her to do it got a life and went away. I burst into tears and ran away blush

FreakoidOrganisoid Mon 21-Jan-13 21:05:07

Oh and there was also the time I was in the queue waiting to buy really boring stuff and there was a bit of a hold up so I idly started looking at the man behinds shopping as he unloaded it. He caught me looking so I tried to laugh it off and said something about his food looking more appealing than mine and I thought Id go to his house for dinner instead. Then his girlfriend/wife stalked up, plonked a box of condoms on the conveyor belt and told me to "find your own man, whore"

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 21:05:53

ds2 is a deputy store manager for a supermarket chain I shall not name. He must have loads of scrapping stories. So I shall extract the best of them and report back.

I have remembered that I had, not exactly a scrap but a weird exchange of words, with a very man (accompanied by 2 children) in Waitrose last year. He was blocking the exit door with his trolley and was very unbothered about moving. The children with him were looking ever more embarrassed as people attempted to squeeze round him. So I politely asked if I could get past and to my astonishment he said "No. I shall move when I'm ready. Now go away or I'll report you for pestering me".

Pandemoniaa Mon 21-Jan-13 21:07:06

that should read "very strange man"...

manicbmc Mon 21-Jan-13 21:08:05

Kumquat, Kwiksave is no more. Nor is Netto. I used to get nappies there. sad

VivaLeBeaver Mon 21-Jan-13 21:11:35

Not a supermarket but I saw a customer try to strangle the manager in Currys. He had hold of the manager round the throat and had actually got the bloke off the floor against the wall.

I clapped as I went past as I'd just been arguing with the twat 10 minutes earlier for the fifth time trying to get a refund for my faulty stereo.

MrsDeVere Mon 21-Jan-13 21:15:10

What was the other Kwiksave called?
It was just as vile.

Its like they made it deliberately horrible to shop in there. They trollies had big poles on them so you couldnt nick them and the aisles were on a slope so they kept running away from you.
When you got to the checkout the trolly wouldn't fit through.

They charged you 5p for shopping bags ages before it was eco driven and they were the horrid blue stripy ones.

And the fruit and veg (such as it was) was grade 3! (i.e. mouldy).

So that was nice.

Can I add a story of bus rage?
On the bus out to the scary tesco, and I had a bit of a cough... Not a gross cough, just the one where you've been in the warm all day and gone out into the cold and it catches in your chest a bit.

So, about once every couple of minutes, I had to cough gently into my hand. I was trying to be as discrete and polite about it because I know how annoying it is... I became aware that the old woman in the seat in front was turning and looking at me and sneering every time.

Then she moved seats... So she was sat on the outside of the seat, not next to the window. Just so she didn't have to be in front of me. Now it's not like I was hocking up phlegm on her neck or spraying her with spit, I was still turning my head down and coughing into my cupped hands - I'm not a bloody animal!

When it came to my stop, and I'd rung the bell to get off, I stood up and she looked up at me and said 'oh thank goodness we don't have to listen to that awful coughing anymore'

So I looked her right in the eye and did a massive over-acting theatrical cough right at her.

Then I flipped her the bird and stalked off the bus.

I'm not proud but the look on her face was fucking hilarious!

Cortana Mon 21-Jan-13 21:20:28

Was it Foodgiant MrsD? They were part of Kwiksave, we shopped there when I was small. Highlight was the Panda brand Cola my Mother would buy us, almost as an apology for the experience.

AViewfromtheFridge Mon 21-Jan-13 21:24:15

It wasn't a scrap as such, but...

I was working in a supermarket when I was a student, and putting those 5-packs of New York Bagels on the top shelf. I was a bit over-ambitious, tried to carry too many at once, and dropped one. Unfortunately, there was a woman bent over directly beneath me.

The next bit happened a bit in slow motion. It hit her on the back of the head, she shot up and screamed "JESUS!" and I just kind of stood there with an armful of bagels, gaping at her, before going "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, oh, I'm sorry," and then I don't know what came over me because I kind of hugged her, around the remaining bagels.

She backed away, and I never saw her again.

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey Mon 21-Jan-13 21:44:15

Not supermarket... But resturant...

Man comes in and asks for small dinner, which is very ampled sized and moans about it only being one scoop of tattie... One of the girls was saying well you could go large for a £1 extra, or have a extra scoop for 55p... Man goes on shameful, kixkignof big time, pointig finger in face ...saying how bad one scoop of tattie is etc....

Staff member just keeps saying well go large or buy a extra etc...

Keeps telling member of staff that a customer is always right etc... Gets to me and I ask him what he wants to drink, he says small coke, so instate are you sure that's enough, you'd think you were from Ethiopia the way your going on about a bloody tattie... His GF but in and say weatherspoons gives you two scoops, me... Well go to weatherspoons then if you don't like it, she was like... I'm not coming back here... Me... I couldn't care less if you came back or not, a just work here, I'm not paid to take abuse of twats or jumped up little dicks.

By this time he banged on the counter, and I just said is that supposed to scare me you jumped up arrogant prick, fucking theirs your dinner, eat up, shut up or fuck off where the sun dosen't shine...

He sat down at his table and all customers kept giving him hackey looks, when going out he shouted over we were all bitches and he's going to put a complaint in.

Me, with a pencil dick like yours make sure you buy some lead to write the complaint!

JackieandJudy Mon 21-Jan-13 22:03:39

Many years ago, when I was about eight months pregnant with ds1, dm and I were in a queue in BHS. The woman in front of us was shouting at her small boy, and slapped him across the face. I was so shocked I couldn't take my eyes off her, and she did the old "what you looking at?" thing. So I told her.

She punched me in the stomach. My dm, god bless her, who up til that day, I'd never once heard swear, and who I have never since heard swear, let out the filthiest stream of invective you've ever heard. Both myself and evil slapping woman just gazed at dm - in shock in my case, and in deep envy I should think in evil woman's case. Evil woman stalked off, and dm said something like "I don't know what half of those words meant but I don't think you should use them in front of your father, now let's go and have a cup of tea".

ParisButterfly Mon 21-Jan-13 22:06:10

Wow Altinkum I'd have been fired if I'd used the same language you did.

I had a Saturday job at Safeway. If customers were rude to me I'd squeeze their bananas grin

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey Mon 21-Jan-13 22:11:43

My boss was standing right next to me, we had been called all sorts, just didn't mention it, called our boss a fucking looser, a member of staff a whore etc...

I actually don't say the F word I say ducking..

He was a class A KNKB who tried to intimate a bunch of women. All over bloody scoop of tattie!

Gsy is that a euphemism?!

MrsDeVere Mon 21-Jan-13 22:24:00

No it wasn't Food Giant. Its really bugging me now.

LOWCOST! I think that was it. Lowcost and sodding Kwik Save.

It was before the supermarkets were doing their price war and saver's ranges.

Food was horribly expensive. Bread had gone up to over a quid (this is the early 90s).
Then Safeways bought in supersavers range and we fell upon the orange juice and beans and bread with utter glee. It was amazing.

I live in fear of being that poor again. It was nasty.

Mybumissquidgy Mon 21-Jan-13 22:26:33

Oh my god JackieandJudy! That's horrible!

JackieandJudy Mon 21-Jan-13 22:29:58

It was horrid Mybum, I often think about that poor little boy. But my own ds1 was born about two weeks later, absolutely fine smile so she did me no harm, thank goodness.

ILoveOnionRings Mon 21-Jan-13 22:35:45

In Tescos with DH in the run up to christmas. I spied the huge bags of Onion Rings, 750grams checked the weight when I got home. I reached up grabbed a bag and threw them into the trolley behind me which DH was pushing.

Or so I thought, DH had moved and I had thrown the big bag of onion rings into a mans face as he had reached to get the bacon streaks. I was quite blush and apologised loads whilst DH was doubled over laughing behind him.

FeckOffCup Mon 21-Jan-13 22:36:39

Not a supermarket but I worked in a shop a few years ago and witnessed two mums fighting over the last pokemon easter egg.

I am weeping over the image of Bupcakes punching a gateau and wandering off nonchalantly [GRIN].

Fakebook Mon 21-Jan-13 22:40:15

I had a fight with a woman once because I was trying to get to the muiller yoghurts but there were people with their trolleys parked there. So I parked my trolley in the middle and waited for them to move. A woman came along with her husband and started shouting at me, telling me how fucking stupid I was for blocking the aisle. I shouted back that I was waiting for someone to move so I can get my fruit corners and that I had my dd in the trolley and wasn't going to leave her alone and start weaving through people's trolleys to get to them. They fafafaffafa'd a bit more, I got in a huff and picked up my fruit corners (bogof) and went straight to the tills and then left, and didnt go back for weeks. Traumatic experience.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 22:45:27

Lo Cost! It was like shopping in Stalingrad c.1944. Proper grimshits it was. My mum used to drag me round there in the 80s sad We then had to complete the holy trinity of shit supermarket s by going to Kwik Save and Fine Fayre sad

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 21-Jan-13 22:46:34

Brilliant thread Bupcakes, it's had me weeping all day.

Have you considered anger management......those poor cakes grin

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 21-Jan-13 22:52:30

I battered the cakes out of caring for others! Do you REALLY need a family sized New York cheesecake?!! grin

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Jan-13 22:56:47

there was nearly an incident in Waitrose tho pm when a lady in a fur coat and her DH (obv childless) wouldn't move for me twice when I was rushing to get the shopping done and collect DS1 from Beavers. I nearly said 'excuse me' in a more than usually terse manner.........

manicbmc Mon 21-Jan-13 22:57:09

Yes, yes I do need a family-sized New York cheesecake. I didn't until you mentioned it but I do now. grin

Mybumissquidgy Mon 21-Jan-13 22:57:33

Phew! Glad to hear that JackieandJudy. It made my stomach flip when I read "she punched me in the stomach". Can't believe someone would do that especially someone with a child of their own. But then I guess she was hitting him too so who knows sad

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 23:05:17

Hello to my old comrades-in-stripey-polyester (at Safeway) - Amandine and Gsy . Were you there when we had to wear Can I lighten your load badges? Yep, CAN. Not May. Imagine the filth you'd hear wearing such a fine legend?

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 23:08:36

And my days with the reducing trolley weren't all hell. I also got to lord it over my own special 3x1m cubby hole, called "Spoilage and Distress". Where all the grot and broken stuff would be taken to be mended/reduced, or written off.

I can tell you that the very worst smell in the worst is magotty cheap Safeway SAvers catfood that has been in the sun too long. And No one can beat me at the how high can you make fizzy drinks splurt when you add mentos or bio washing powder to them game. No one.

TraceyTrickster Mon 21-Jan-13 23:13:05

Here in Australia, one checkout is situated next to the fag area, so the cashier can double task.
People randomly walk up to the other counter to buy fags, so cashier abandons her checkout post to serve the people desperate for a cigarette, leaving the checkout queue to wait.

We had been in the queue a while, and emptied our huge trolley. Girl looked at us, our huge stash, and then just went off to serve people at the fag counter. Normally they say ' just going off to serve. Hope that's OK'. She just turned away and served people as they walked up.

After 10 mins standing like a lemon, I just said ' OK we don't need to wait any longer'...and walked off leaving my trolley contents on the conveyor belt. She quickly tried to break away from the deep meaningful conversation she was having at the fag counter and called after us 'you can't leave your shopping there'.

We could and we did. Sorry to people behind us, but the kids they have working in the evenings often have no interest.
Interestingly that has never happened again.

SoleSource Mon 21-Jan-13 23:29:08

Morrisons fucking bitch deliberatly slammed into my bind child and told him to watch where hw was going.

If I ever see that.thing again...

TeWiSavesTheDay Mon 21-Jan-13 23:31:03

I think if I hadn't been so new-baby hormonal I'd've had a scrap with the woman in morrisons fishing to find out if DH had been 14(!) When we had DD and were we on benefits etc.

I couldn't believe the bloody cheek!

memphis83 Tue 22-Jan-13 00:06:36

bups I am crying at 'fuck off, chunk' and a multipack is good if you sharted on the way to shop!

Not supermarkets but-
When I was pg I was in Ikea, was near the tills looking at christmas decorations, put some in my trolley and some older lady took them out of it and showed her friend. I walked over and snatched them off of her and said 'get your own fucking reindeers' blush Was hormonal and tired, at the time angry but afterwards wanted the ground to swallow me up.

I had just moved to Wales with my job and found a Primark-before they had appeared everywhere, I wandered around in my lunch and they wheeled out two rails of coats, two women with strollers started full on scrapping over a coat, both had bloody noses and the police were called and I stood there open mouthed!

Boomerwang Tue 22-Jan-13 00:16:46

haha sorry but you can tell when it's getting late by the number of posts that start looking a mess because of booze or tiredness!

whethergirl Tue 22-Jan-13 00:44:27

Went to Waitrose with ds who was potty training at the time. He announces he needs the toilet, so the plan was to take him to the toilets to use his travel potty (no way would he have used a toilet). DS refuses to go into the toilets, demands to use the potty in the corridor (outside of toilets). So sit him on the potty, woman walks past on her way to toilets and says "Really! How vile! Can't he go to the toilet like everyone else?" pointing at us with her fucking walking stick.

DS then gets up from potty and refuses to try and whatever he wanted to do, poo or wee, I dunno, I was just pleased he asked to use the potty.

I hunt woman down and find her at fruit and veg, where she is barking at her husband to pick the ripe plums. "DO YOU REALISE HOW LONG IT HAS TAKEN ME TO GET THIS CHILD TO SIT ON A POTTY?" I say. She tuts and mutters, sticking to her guns, while her husband is looking apologetically from behind her. I then vent months of potty training frustration at her, accusing her of "RUINING EVERYTHING" and that if DS wets or shits himself it'll be all her fault etc. I even accused her of being a typical Waitrose snob and how I wouldn't get this sort of treatment in Asda.

andapartridgeinaRowantree Tue 22-Jan-13 01:14:56

I would like to be bup's real life friend...

<<waves to comrade Hazel>>

Do you watch Trollied? My DH thinks I'm joking when I tell him It's a docusoap.

Yes, I remember Lighten the load, also remember the days of Shop & Go, I hated being on the bloody rescan till.
" Madam," you thieving stuck-up cow (it was always the ones who could afford it) "your rescan is £120, your scan was £75, are you sure it's just the bogroll you forgot to do. hmm"

Oh, and in response to the question earlier, no it wasn't a euphuism, I did squeeze their actual bananas, the bruising doesn't show up until later, so if any of you always seem to have bruised bananas maybe it's because you're a mardy cow to the checkout operator. wink.

spatchcock Tue 22-Jan-13 02:35:13

For some reason 'just leave it Don' made me howl!

I was once standing at the cold shelf in Sainsbury's browsing through the reduced camenbert when an Asian woman wearing a headscarf and a surly expression aggressively shoulder barged another customer next to me. The affronted customer looked aghast and shouted "did you SEE that?" at me. I shook my head in disgust and did the solidarity eye roll with her. Then she said in a loud yet confiding voice, like we were friends. "They just come over here and think they can get away with murder, bloody Pakis." I instantly backed away as the barging lady whirled around with a screech and came back for another assault. I didn't stick around in case the aggressive barger thought I was an angry racist too.

GetOrf Tue 22-Jan-13 04:38:15

I laughed at 'leave it, Don' as well.

How the bloody hell has buppy got away with her cake GBH when I was told off for denting tins of chappie?

I really want to organise a Midlands meet up just so I can sneak out of the pub with buppy and go for a bit of therapeutic gateau assault in the local tesco express.

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 05:00:34

Ooohh, oooh, I've been waiting to tell someone about this as I've been fuming. angry

I was in Aldi on Sunday and it was really busy. You had to be patient to go down some aisles and wait your turn, which most people were doing.

The area I was in has a large population of Muslim immigrants, most of whom are Somali. I was behind one of them, a man, and we were both attempting to go down an aisle. A big angry looking man was coming the opposite way and said extremely rudely to the Somalian man, "Really?! MOVE!" The Somalian guy tried but couldn't as I was standing there and bumped into my cart. He smiled at me and I asked if he was okay.

The angry guy said "get the fuck out of my way!" And shoved past both of us, muttering something about people who didn't speak English. I wheeled around and gave him my best "oh-you-utter-CUNT" stink eye.

He turned to me, kind of threatingly, and I was ready to let fly with my "this is America" speech, the long and short of which is, unless you are 100% Native American, you just keep your fucking mouth shut about immigrants. But his wife hustled him away asking him what his problem was.


CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 05:43:49

Am also pmsl at "just leave it Don!"

Moln Tue 22-Jan-13 06:11:38

Brilliant thread.

Has made my inability to sleep worthwile. Nothing to sdd though, don't think I've ever had a fight in a supermarket though. Feel so sad about that.

HecateWhoopass Tue 22-Jan-13 07:16:22

Freakoid sad I am so sorry. I hope life is better for you now.

JusticeCrab Tue 22-Jan-13 07:17:53

The one time I genuinely lost it, like I-think-they-were-on-the-verge-of-calling-the-police lost it, was when I was finishing up at a cash machine and someone said "Are you done with that machine?" - so I sped up and was done - adding a "Some of us have jobs!" under her breath as I left.

I turned round and screamed "I'VE GOT A FUCKING JOB, YOU FUCKING MORON!!" as loud as I could. Then I went home and had a good cry. I was under a lot of stress at work and looked a bit rough at the time.

ledkr Tue 22-Jan-13 07:56:20

getorf s story is the worst. No one will ever understand what we went through in glos in "the floods" it was like the zombie apocalypse but without the zombies. grin

A old man member if staff once accused my 14 yr old son of stealing biscuits. He was off school recovering from tonsillitis and had gone to choose some biscuits for me.
I tore the guy a new arsehole but he didn't back down and said he looked suspicious.
It was at that moment I realised what a hard time young lad get from the public.

FreakoidOrganisoid Tue 22-Jan-13 08:06:12

So much better thank you hecate smile

TBF it was one of the things that made me realise I did need to get a life and get the courage to leave him but at the time I just felt humiliated.

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 09:26:08

"I would like to be bup's real life friend... "

You wouldn't. I got told on another thread that I am "utterly poisonous" and have no friends.

<scrolls through evidence>

"Fuck off, chunk"


'Cake assault'

Actually,she probably has a point.

Oh Oh Getorf let's do it. Let's do it in WAITROSE. They don't have security guards in there! I must admit, I did used to feel a little frisson when cake battering,in case the security men saw me. <sad>

I also LOLed at "Leave it Don" grin

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 09:27:09

<hugs Freakoid and offers her a mashed-up Vicki sponge>

happynewmind Tue 22-Jan-13 09:35:54

Those on about co op. Its the only shop we have in the village, cost me sixteen quid for a not much yesterday because of the snow I couldn't get further.

Woman on till said ohh you've got your bargains there.


Have to laugh though, my aunt shops at morrisons because its posher than adds apparently. No other reason.

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 09:48:54

Co-Op are shite. In one of the villages round here they ahve taken over everything. You look at the row of shops and there is.. Co-Op convenience shop, Co-Op coffin shop, Co-Op holiday shop, Co-Op post office.... Pffffffft.

GetOrf Tue 22-Jan-13 10:02:51

I loathe coop.

My gran never used to let me stick the stamps in the book as she liked doing it herself.

The bitterness has lasted for years.

Talking of terrible shops, does anyone remember Presto? It was sub Kwik-Save.

And agree mrsdv how bloody expensive food use to be. I know it has gone up in recent years, but it used to be extortionate in the early/mid 90s. I used be so skint and lived on 99p Admiral pies for a few years (they are still 99p now, not that I could ever bring myself to eat one ever again).

FeckOffCup Tue 22-Jan-13 10:12:38

We had a presto in our town, it turned into a farmfoods a few years ago.

AmandinePoulain Tue 22-Jan-13 10:17:19

Ah yes hazel, the striped polyester. Except in my store they were too bloody tight to even do that right, I had one uniform that was far too big, and a second hand one that fitted but was all faded. And I never got given any gloves for checking the use by dates in the chillers for hours at a time despite my desperate pleas requests. They were shite to work for, our manager was a jumped up little jobsworth too. I got 'promoted' to the pharmacy after a few years, that was much more fun, we were a great little team and the customers were hilarious, apart from the horrible old git who shouted at me on the day my mum had just phoned me to tell me that our dog was being put down for daring to ask him to pay for his prescription. I was practically in tears whilst he ranted about the government as if I personally set the charge hmm.

But I never had a Lighten your Load badge, I think they only got those on the checkouts. Although I was an innocent 16 year old back then and until you mentioned it I'd never really realised that there was another meaning blush

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 10:25:59

Supermarkets of the 70s/80s....




Agressive marketing campaign from Presto!

FarmFoods used to do these Tiramisus in a box for 99 pee. They were fucking lovely they were. I wonder if they still do them and where my nearest Farm Foods is

Flobbadobs Tue 22-Jan-13 10:26:02

DH once witnessed 2 women fighting over something in Asda on Christmas Eve, properly screaming and swearing at each other. He found it so funny he phoned me to tell me about it while standing about 3 feet away from them! All I could hear was the women calling each other awful names and him crying with laughter down the phone.
Then they must have noticed him because they stopped yelling at each other and started on him, calling him a pervert and alsorts.
He abandoned the few bits he went on for and escaped home, he was still laughing when he got back grin

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 10:29:31

Flobbadobs grin

RuleBritannia Tue 22-Jan-13 10:40:29

Well, I'm going to Sainsbury's later so will take a notebook with me. Unfortunately, if I take a notebook, nothing will happen. If I don't, something will happen and I will have forgotten it by the time I reach home.

TandB Tue 22-Jan-13 10:44:45

I haven't had a supermarket barney for ages.

But I did have a major breach of Queue Etiquette yesterday while buying a top in H&M.

The young woman behind me, who I think was probably a foreign student from her accent and age, kept doing that really irritating thing where instead of standing behind you in the queue, someone comes and stands beside you and then starts gradually edging forwards until they are almost overtaking you.

The till became free and I walked over to it - and she came with me! And stood squished right up beside me at the counter. The shop assistant and I looked at each other and then both looked at her, and I wondered whether to say "She's paying. Apparently."

The young man she was with looked mortified and came over and hauled her back to the entrance to the queuing aisle, muttering "You can't do that. People will think you're trying to steal their card or something" while she resisted and kept saying "But I'm next. I'm waiting."

Some people. [tut emoticon]

TandB Tue 22-Jan-13 10:45:13

Britannia - take a camera.

HecateWhoopass Tue 22-Jan-13 10:48:17

"utterly poisonous" and have no friends.


Who said THAT to you?

I for one think you're lovely. grin

Freakoid - I am really pleased that things are better for you now, but it's awful you had to suffer that humiliation.

You'd THINK that people would stop to think for a moment and not look down on or laugh at people who may very well have a damned good reason for being so desperate to get to the reduced price food. sad

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 10:55:13

I was about to say the same Britannia. This is what camera phones are for! grin

Oh hecate, just some broad who never posts apparently but felt it her duty to come out of lurkdom to tell me what a rotten bastard I am. As you can imagine, I haven't slept a wink all night due to the distress. wink

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 22-Jan-13 10:56:03

Oh em gee * bups*, I can't post on that other thread.

That tirade at you made me roar!

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 10:58:59

It made me roar, too. Honestly, I was reading it on my Kindle, shaking with laughter. I especially liked "the fact that you live on here says a great deal about your relationships."


manicbmc Tue 22-Jan-13 11:02:09

We had a Presto in the old Green market. The aisles were so narrow you could hardly pass a trolley down there. It was always full of students (me) and old people who smelled of wee and booze and fags because all the dodgiest pubs were over the road.

Never saw a barney in there though. grin

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 22-Jan-13 11:05:51

I never actually lol but I was doing big pah ha ha haaaa's.

I mean, we can't all get along all the time but the venom!

Soz and all that, hope you're not busy boiling your lonely head or anything sad

ResolutelyCheeky Tue 22-Jan-13 11:07:11

Thought there was a farmfoods in Brierley Hill?

HecateWhoopass Tue 22-Jan-13 11:09:08

crikey. That's really weird. No wonder you're so devastated wink

ahh, presto. I remember presto.

My mum and dad used to take us there for christmas shopping.

We'd ride the toy reindeer.

We were in the cafe in presto when I told my sister I'd just spat in her milkshake and sparked her lifelong fear of accepting food or drink from someone with a smile on their face blush

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 11:10:38

I tried to light the gas to boil my head but even the gas is discusted with me and turned itself off.

I never venture into Brierley Hill. Unless I've had my vaccines. wink

ResolutelyCheeky Tue 22-Jan-13 11:14:57

You get a much better supermarket scrap in Asda Brierley Hill. It's so bad they don't even have a fresh fish/meat counter, customers don't want anything they can't deep fry it seems? hmm

KatoPotato Tue 22-Jan-13 11:25:31

Oh the memories of the Coop stamp book! Positively concertinaed with spit!

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 11:32:48

LOL Resolutely. It is true. DH actually likes going in there and I can't fathom why? It has an air of 1940's Eastern Europe, very dingy and sad. The salad area is always pristine though as the good folk of Brierley Hill do not like salad. There is always a ruckus around the Pot Noodles though.

I haven't had a supermarket ruck but DH nearly did. He was in the alcohol section and a shop assistant was cleaning up broken bottle, so glass and liquid. Some guy went to step in it so she put her hand up to stop him. He went mental standing over her shouting about how dare she touch him etc. DH turned and said 'look, she's trying to stop you getting hurt, leave her alone'. Dickhead guy then squared up to DH and invited him 'outside '. DH was on his way home from work so in suit and tie looking mild mannered. DH sighed, put down his basket and said ' okay then'. He went to walk off, turned to the bloke, smiled and said 'come on then'.

The bloke blustered and walked the other way. grin

JiminyCricketsMiddleWicket Tue 22-Jan-13 11:46:07

I had a toilet roll confrontation in Waitrose.
I was 39 + 4 with my one and only and felt a little moist. I'd already had a show etc; so rushed to the loo to see exactly what was going on.
There was a loo roll on the floor between the two loo compartments; and none in my cubicle. I reached down for it, got hold of it (not easy with the massive belly and the "Other Woman" next door stuck her foot out and tried to kick it out of my hand !!!! Then we tussled too and fro under the partition' just grunting going on, on either side. I held onto it like stink; I* needed* it to see what was going on in my pants. I won.
I then put it back and she just went "humph".
I exited, washing my hands, trying to get out before her.; heard her come out and tried to ignore. She thumped me on the shoulder and said in a very loud booming posh voice "I was there first , you're very rude, I was doing a number 2"
I said. I got the paper first and you were the rude one. Anyway, it wasn't a game of rock, paper, poo.(WTF) And as I did I jabbed her right back in the shoulder and marched (actually waddled ) out.

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 11:47:11

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha hahaha! Cyborg your DH sounds like a winner!

He is! Although I was very glad the bloke didn't follow him.

I think I might start stalking the aisles of asda when I have pmt-induced rage so I can quite righteously let out my inner fishwife. grin

Am also loving the retro remembering. When I first moved out of home I did all my shopping in kwiksave. For about a fiver a week, some beans like bullets, cheapest bread and a couple of admiral pies. And cider. Which back in the nineties wasn't the nice, different flavored ones you get now. In fact I couldn't get a pint on tap anywhere outside of devon.

phantomnamechanger Tue 22-Jan-13 12:11:12

worked on the cheese counter in tesco when I was a student - we had regular customers who were lovely and had the same items each week, and those we would try to avoid like the plague - washing up instead of pressing the button for their turn to come up. why are some people so horrid all the time? some would moan and groan about something being 1/2 an ounce off, too much, not enough, cant you open a fresh one etc

some would mispronounce things "cheese with cheeves (chives)" and even qwitch! and customers had their nicknames - the cheeves man, the qwitch man etc

ah, memory lane!

but once when we were really busy someone hastily whispered over the counter "call security dear" - turned out another lady had accidentally bumped someone with her trolley, immediately apologiesed, but the bumpee had taken a baguette out of her trolley and started hitting bumper on the head with it - she was too embarrassed to get me to do anything about it though!

ResolutelyCheeky Tue 22-Jan-13 12:17:30

I was told I was "too overdressed for the supermarket" in Safeway WTF? hmm

Lambzig Tue 22-Jan-13 12:18:45

I have remembered one from years ago. It was a couple of weeks after my ex DH had left me, and I was still a wreck, I had a really bad cough and cold, hadn't been sleeping, but finally realised I had no food and needed to go to the supermarket. first time I had left the house.

I made it round Sainsburys and was putting my food on the conveyor when I coughed. The posh man in front turned around and said "how disgusting, you shouldn't cough on people's food." I said "I had my hand in front of my mouth and turned away, so it wasn't on your food". He said "Its still disgusting, you shouldn't leave the house if you are that ill"

This opened the flood gates and the poor man had me sobbing, shouting and screaming at him about how dare he speak to me like that, my husband leaving, my being by myself and the fact that all men are bastards. A very sympathetic manager gave me a cup of tea in his office then sent me home in a taxi. blush

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 12:33:23

<offers Lambzig a warming brandy> That's tragic for you, but the man was a prick. Deserved.

LOL at "cheeves" and "qwitch"

What are these Admiral Pies that everyone is going on aboot?

AmandinePoulain Tue 22-Jan-13 12:34:25

bups you left Normans out of your list (sorry I can't find a photo sad), it was the first supermarket where I grew up, when Safeways arrived people were actually excited grin

KatoPotato Tue 22-Jan-13 12:37:02

'You're very rude, I was doing a number 2' < this is class right there!!

ResolutelyCheeky Tue 22-Jan-13 12:39:50

Baby seepage trumps number 2 headline... grin

FreakoidOrganisoid Tue 22-Jan-13 12:44:02

Thanks for the squashed cake bups smile

Tallgiraffe Tue 22-Jan-13 12:45:05

My favourite supermarket experience was this time last year, at the height of orange season. I was in Booths (Lancashire version of waitrose) staring at the baffling numbers of oranges that were on display, while working out whether I could finish my shop before throwing up (morning sickness) or whether to abandon my trolley and be sick straight away. The lady next to me turned to me and said, "there's no decision to be made dear, you want these ones, they're delicious" and plonked two bags of blood oranges in my trolley before walking off. I made it through the rest of my shop chuckling to myself. When I got to the checkout she was at the next till along. She came over to check that they were still in my trolley because she couldn't see them!!

She was right, they were delicious grin

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 12:45:27

I also wee'd a bit at "I was doing a number 2" grin Jeeeez, I can't believe that people shit in Waitrose...

Oooh I don't know Normans! This is exciting! I love defunct shops. <weirdo>

Who remembers Tandy, Rumbelows and Olympic?

sudaname Tue 22-Jan-13 12:59:11

I was in a checkout queue once and an old woman behind me with a real catsbum face was practically shunting me along and everytime l moved away a couple of inches shuffled up to me again. She was actually touching me she was so close I have real space awareness issues it is one of my pet hates anyway.
So when l had put my shopping down the chute and stood at the end catching it and bagging it she followed me down and was tutting at every word l dared say to checkout operator even though we werent interrupting proceedings in any way iyswim.
When l had finished and wanted to pay, l had to reach the card reader but as my new found friend had moved up so close to me she had to back up (cue much more tutting) so l could reach. She moved up as little as possible - the others in the queue were waiting on the other side of the till parallel with their shopping on the belt as you should do so she had plenty of room to move back to stand in front of the 'polite' people.
I'd had quite enough at this point and as it seemed she thought she was going to stand with me in front of the card reader and watch the whole transaction shoulder to shoulder with me.
I just said to her very loudly 'Do you mind?' and started ushering her back away from me. She said something like 'Well get on with it then !' to which l replied 'Only when you move back and for future reference behaviour like yours will only make me go as slow as possible - OK !'
In the end the cashier intervened and told her to move back and she started saying stuff like 'I'm not gonna rob your bank account love' and stupid stuff like that.
But she shot herself in the foot when she then tried to rally the open mouthed queue behind her by saying ' Well you're holding all these people up'
The couple behind her told her in no uncertain terms that they didnt agree and it was her that was the problem.
This was an extreme example but l have had similiar happen to me before at checkouts (l am usually super efficient) and l always fanny about as much as possible just to piss them off tbh.

Boomerwang Tue 22-Jan-13 13:00:36

Bugger all those, I miss SupaScoopa sad

wibblyjelly Tue 22-Jan-13 13:03:43

We used to have Savacentre!

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 13:25:35

DURRRR I should have posted this in here. I regaled folk on another thread with it the other day....

In Asda (oh yes) I was just standing, looking at the bread. I was stood right up by the shelf so not in the way of anyone. Suddenly, this woman comes round the corner like a bull in a china shop screeching "EXCUSE ME, COMING THROUGH" I ignored as like I say, I was stood to the side of the aisle so she can't have meant me, right? Then I heard her bellow "DON'T ALL MOVE AT ONCE WILL YOU????" and when I looked up from my packet of Soreen, she was glaring at me. I laughed at her and said something like "Wind your neck in, you silly cow!" She went purple and said "DON'T CALL ME A SILLY COW DO I LOOK LIKE A COW????" I looked her up and down then laughed at her, before returning to my malt loaf. People were laughing at her. She was embarrassed so she started going "Hurrrr look at the state of YOU" I looked marvellous though. I just ignored her so she was ranting to herself whilst people just stared at her.

She had a child in the trolley too.

AmandinePoulain Tue 22-Jan-13 13:25:50
happynewmind Tue 22-Jan-13 13:39:24

On bus now, bus driver is on phone to Tesco manager while driving. From what I can glean..

He took his Tesco Horse burgers back and asked for a refund yesterday with his gf.

Customer service manager told him he was being silly and she had a freezer full and would eat them.

He said he didnt want to eat horse.

Customer service on desk told him he was being pathetic and they obviously ate kebabs looking at them (wtf?) and they had worse than horse in.

An argument ensued in which CS then involved to waiting customers about how silly they were.

Its ended up with shouting in which the bus driver said on the phone " my gf was already heartbroken over the suggestion she eats kebabs but being told to giddy of home and get a fucking grip by CS was just a step too far ..."

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 13:42:34

" my gf was already heartbroken over the suggestion she eats kebabs but being told to giddy of home and get a fucking grip by CS was just a step too far ..."


There is no Farm Foods on that Wiki entry, Amandine angry

EldritchCleavage Tue 22-Jan-13 13:47:35

Remember Budgens? Rubbish, but had pretensions?

I'd forgotten about this one: When I was a scruffy be-Afro'ed post-grad student I was shopping for a (rare) dinner party and choosing figs. I noticed a woman standing glaring at me-really glaring, as if I'd just flobbed on her cardigan. I looked. She barked "You do realise they cost THAT [jabs at price label] each? I said 'Yeee-ees?' as contemptuously as I could (think Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey). She shouted at me for a bit then wandered off. Who gets angry at other people buying figs, for heaven's sake?

AmandinePoulain Tue 22-Jan-13 13:53:20

There is! There is! It's under the list of current UK supermarkets <sheesh>

AmandinePoulain Tue 22-Jan-13 13:55:33

They even have their own entry:

Will you be punching a humble pie now bups? grin

PessaryPam Tue 22-Jan-13 13:58:15

Budgens is great in our village. It caters well for the elderly with the Cook range of ready meals. We support it rather than use the new Coop or the Tesco Express.

PessaryPam Tue 22-Jan-13 13:59:26

She wants an Admiral Pie AFAIR, although she probably only wants to squash it.

minsmum Tue 22-Jan-13 14:05:45

I have a Budgens at the end of my road and a coop the next road over we always use Budgens for top up shops as they are cheaper, the choices are better and the staff are lovely

Boomerwang Tue 22-Jan-13 14:20:26

I used to buy Admiral pies :D Bargain! Fish and mash for only 99p!

I remember when ALL frozen ready meals were vomit in a cardboard box and nobody would dare eat them. Things changed a lot. Now you have an entire aisle in both the frozen and fresh sections full of ready meals.

Over here in Sweden, there have approximately 5-10 ready meals in total and all of them are made by Findus.

In fact, over here, Findus are treated like quality grocers and only the posh buy their stuff!

Boomerwang Tue 22-Jan-13 14:21:55

Oh sorry, I forgot, they do have other 'ready meals' in the form of smorgastorta (cba to do all the proper letters) which is basically a huge prawn cocktail in the shape of a cake, layered with bread. It costs about £9 for a portion, I shit you not. I don't know how they make money.

Plomino Tue 22-Jan-13 15:02:52

I've been racking my brains all day and I've finally thought of one !

It was the one and only time I ever went to Tesco's in Pitsea on Xmas Eve . At the time it was apparently the biggest one in Britain , or something similarly boastful . Well . It took two hours to get into the car park and parked , and was the seventh circle of hell . All the trolleys were gone , to the degree that people were following others to their cars , waiting for them to unload , and then using their trolley . I'm walking from the car park to the store , when a woman says 'Here you go love , take this , there aren't any left'. As I smile , say thanks , and take the trolley , some bloke swoops on me from nowhere , snatches the trolley from my hands , and starts going into the shop . I shriek 'oi! WTF ? ' , he swings round and snarls ' fucking what ? Come get it ' at me , and I decide discretion is the better part of valour .

So gobsmacked am I and several people in the car park, that about 4 people then try and give me their trolleys, and I go into the shop , only to find myself having to follow Mr Trolley Robber round the place for the whole ordeal . With him glowering and gurning all the way round at me . I go to the checkout , only to find him still glaring at me and mouthing 'fuck you ' at the opposite till . Great . I ignore him, whilst he rushes to pay and get out in front of me . He does so , and I meander out of the front of the store , just in time to see him miss the dropped kerb completely , and push the hideously overweight and badly balanced trolley straight off the actual raised pavement . Whereupon the trolley wheel collapsed , and dumped the entire contents of his Christmas food all over the wet and filthy car park floor .

As I sailed past him , I said to him 'actually , fuck YOU '

And then ran like buggery to the car before he thumped me .

That's AMAZING! I bet you wanted to do the happy dance :-D

RuleBritannia Tue 22-Jan-13 16:05:59

BupcakesAndCunting I remember Tandy very well. I had a Tandy phone that didn't work properly even though it was new. I took iot back to the shop but had no receipt. A replacement or refund was denied to me because "it's not ours". I couldn't believe it because it was one of Tandy's own and had its name all over it!

At that time, sit ins were popular with protesters so I sat in the shop for about 4 hours, refusing to leave until I had what I wanted. I said that I could come back with a banner hand made of cardboard and marker pen telling people about the service in Tandy's. I left with a brand new one. It was a good job it was a Saturday and I wasn't at work.

HazeltheMcWitch Tue 22-Jan-13 16:13:34

Presto! I actually worked at Presto first, then it evolved into a Safeway. Wow I thought Safeway was posh back then. The folly of youth, hey?
In my defence, I grew up in the middle of nowhere in Scotland. I'd never even heard of Waitrose, let alone actually visited one. I'd heard rumours of Booths, but thought it was all that famous northern (English) humour taking the piss out their varied diet vs. ours of pie, fried stuff and turnip.

VikingLady Tue 22-Jan-13 16:16:15

Admirals Pie is only 75p in our Farmfoods.

I have one (supermarket story, not pie) from when I was a teenager. DM had sent me into Sainsbury's whilst she took DB to the toilets. I only had a small basket full, but an old lady pushed in front of me at the till, shoved my stuff back to make space for her shopping in front of mine, glared at me and barked "I'm old, I'm going to die sooner than you!". I just gaped at her!

My DF used to be a store manager for Fine Fare back in the 70s. One of his staff was always wearing his trousers at half mast in front of customers. This was back in the days when you could smoke in shops. DF waited til the guy was bending down into a freezer to restock it and tapped his fag ash right down the man's moon-grin.

The staff member wore a belt after that!

RuleBritannia Tue 22-Jan-13 16:17:45

I've enjoyed this thread and hope it goes on for a few more pages. May I ask for a round of applause for BupcakesAndCunting for starting it?

Keep your hands together and not flailing about hitting others, please.

HazeltheMcWitch Tue 22-Jan-13 16:18:08

Boomerwang - I may have had an ersatz smorgastorta. A Swedish ex-colleague was in London and wanted to make a 'swedish delicacy' for another colleague's birthday. It was kind of a joke, as swedish colleague was known fondly for her insistence on stopping for fika (no issues with me there), and NEEDING a hot lunch at 12 prompt.

Anyhow, she worked us up into a frenzy of excitement about this 'treat', went to Tesco express and bought a load of ready-made sandwiches, plastered them prettily with mayo, and adorned with prawns. Ta-Da!

HazeltheMcWitch Tue 22-Jan-13 16:20:02

^bought ready-made sandwiches, plastered them prettily with mayo INTO THE SHAPE OF A CAKE, and adorned with prawns.

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 18:59:44

Am dying at "rock paper poo". Hahaha! grin

Bumps what's this other thread then? <nosy>

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 19:00:30

BUPS! Friggin autocorrect.

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 22-Jan-13 19:14:03

Weeping at the Scottish diet of pie, fried things and turnip!

MrsGeologist Tue 22-Jan-13 19:35:28

The one an only time I've been in Waitrose I was gobsmacked when I saw a teenage girl pick up some naan, and say, 'what about these mum?'

To which her mum replied, 'oh no, that bread is made by terrorists. It's probably got bombs in it.'

The daughter just put them back with a, 'oh yeah, you're probably right.'

Then they both carried on their shopping as f that wasn't the most bizarre ad racist thing to ever say about bread, ever.

As far as I could tell, it wasn't a joke, the mother was dead serious. What the hell kind of mindset must you be in to think fucking naans are bomb-laden, terrorist bread?

Boomerwang Tue 22-Jan-13 19:49:24

Ok, got visions of men wearing balaclavas with a gun slung over their shoulder wrapping up naan bread in packs of two and slipping an ACME bomb between the breads.

MrsGeologist Tue 22-Jan-13 19:51:17

D'you think if you rip the top off a naan and throw it, it explodes? Like a naanade.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 22-Jan-13 19:56:49


My DF used to be a store manager for Fine Fare back in the 70s. One of his staff was always wearing his trousers at half mast in front of customers. This was back in the days when you could smoke in shops. DF waited til the guy was bending down into a freezer to restock it and tapped his fag ash right down the man's moon-grin

Just spat beer on me monitor. gringringrin

cocolepew Tue 22-Jan-13 20:20:53

Here in N.Ireland we had Woolco and,Stewarts. When Tesco took over Stewarts a few years ago we were beside ourselves blush. Then Safeway took over Woolco. Which then became Morrisons and is now Asda

In our Tescos a customer used to come in on a disability scooter and ask the workers for help with his shopping. One of the girls said "oh dear your sausages have burst open" and tried to lift it to put it back. Obviously it wasn't a sausage ...

Annakin31 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:23:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrf Tue 22-Jan-13 20:33:40


Fucking NORMANS.

A bloody HIGHLIGHT (re lowlight) of my childhood was going to Bampton Fair and on the way back take a fuck off great diversion to Taunton to go to Normans. Normans was the worst supermarket in the world. It made Kwik Save with all their Prisoner Cell block H packaging look like Harrods.

manicbmc Tue 22-Jan-13 20:45:06

Coco, was it a chipolata? grin

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 20:45:23

"To which her mum replied, 'oh no, that bread is made by terrorists. It's probably got bombs in it.'"

shock but grin Waitrose does attract a thick type of customer tbf. I've noticed on the occasional sojourn into there that there are some posh but dim types braying about the place. I feel a bit more easy around them though as they are less likely to give me a Chelsea Grin with a broken baguette than the Asda clientele.

Yank, it's a VILE VILE VILE thread I started in AIBU where I slag off my cousin for being as thick as mince and managing to procreate despite having the intelligence of a furball.

They have Aldi in the states?! WTF?! What things do you get in there CY?!

cocolepew Tue 22-Jan-13 20:52:42


CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 21:12:04

I have found the thread, thanks to a helpful PM, and have been ignoring DS and guffawing over it for some time. grin

Yes, we still have Aldi since the last time we discussed it wink. You can get all sorts! Basic groceries, etc. No gluten free pasta. But, bizarrely, we once got a bench for our garden there.

I'm still in shock over the event actually...things like that Do Not Happen Here. There is an actual term "Minnesota Nice" because to be rude in public here is non existent. (It can really be more of a reserved passive aggressiveness than true kindness, but still grin) I really thought he was going to punch me or something.

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 21:13:12

In which case I would have rammed him with my shopping cart while screaming for my friend to pepper spray him. I had plans.

" There is an actual term "Minnesota Nice" because to be rude in public here is non existent."

Imagine if Bupcakes moved into the neighbourhood grin

<insert incident of reserved passive aggressiveness>, "Fuck off, chunk"

manicbmc Tue 22-Jan-13 21:22:45

There'd be no cakes left untouched for a start.

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 21:22:55

Sorry honestly I've got a brain like a sieve, CY. I can't remember what conversations I had this morning.

Perhaps angry man was not a Minnesota native?

I would fit in naicely in Minnesota. Jokes.

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 21:29:40

We would forgive you as you'd be forrin. Not your fault. You'd probably have to bring some naice jell-o to the potluck in the church basement to make up for it though. grin

HazeltheMcWitch Tue 22-Jan-13 21:31:06

That inference that Farm Foods no longer exists upthread... Then it was confirmed as still extant...

Anyhoo, for the first time ever, just seen an advert for Farm Foods. You'll never guess who's on it... It's only bloody Orville and Keith Harris!
(Inordinately pleased by this.)

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 21:31:54

I'll bring no such thing.

I'll bring a naice Vicki sponge that I haven't stoved in.

HazeltheMcWitch Tue 22-Jan-13 21:32:25

Yank, we say jelly in these parts. That's jam to you, right?
I reckon Buppy would probably headbutt jelly.

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 21:34:11

Everyone would look at it with suspicion while scoffing proper American lutefisk. grin

KatyTheCleaningLady Tue 22-Jan-13 21:37:44

Jam is different than jelly. American jam is pretty much the same thing as British jam. Jelly is clear and less runny. It does have a sort of gelatinous thing going on. There is "bramble jelly" here in the UK, and that's what we call "jelly" back home. Only we prefer grapes.

Trivia: purple things in America are grape flavoured rather than black currant flavoured because sometime in the late 19th century, the black currant bushes got some sort of fungous that threatened forestry. So, it was all dug up and burnt and it was illegal to grow black currants until something like the 1980's. Therefor, all purple sweets were grape flavoured. Most expats I know over here don't like the taste of black currants. (Some do, but it seems most don't). We tend to find it weird and perfume-y. It took me a short while to remember to stop eating the purple Skittles and Starbursts over here. They were a nasty surprise.

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 21:39:01

Jam and jelly aren't quite interchangeable, but pretty much. They're used the same way but jam is usually thicker.

MrsGeologist Tue 22-Jan-13 21:41:10

Bleeeeeee... Lutefisk

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 21:43:21

Or what Katy said. smile And yes everything purple is grape. The only time I'd ever heard of currants was in 'Peter Rabbit'.

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 22-Jan-13 21:46:46

Ooooh I love grape flavoured things! That's what I liked best about the U.S when I have been. Oh yes. I am so cultured.

misscomanche Tue 22-Jan-13 21:54:43

With your little basket and your big tits

God bless Mumsnet.

Ariel24 Tue 22-Jan-13 22:05:11

I have 15wo asleep on me right now and nearly keep waking her by shaking with laughter at this thread. Cake punching and ' fuck off chunk' especially grin

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Tue 22-Jan-13 22:06:15

Who is this impostor?

DuchessFanny Tue 22-Jan-13 22:08:15

Yeah god bless mumsnet and bups I've been waiting for a chance to tell my little basket, big tits story to the masses for years .... Like to point out even though I do indeed have large boobs, they are not bigger than a tesco's basket !!

Oh and ' leave it Don ' and ' fuck off chunk' have had me snorting with laughter on and off ever since I read them ( and why I am nearly hourly checking this fab thread !!)

catpark Tue 22-Jan-13 22:13:12

Best I've heard about was a fight over a turkey, it happened at the checkout. Customer behind the one putting food up took the turkey out of the customers trolley. There was swearing and then a fist fight , both were taken away by security and the turkey was put on the shelf ( store was sold out so the last one )

VikingLady Tue 22-Jan-13 22:21:35

A day later and am still cracking up at telling her husband they have muzzles on the pet aisle! grin

NicholasTeakozy Tue 22-Jan-13 22:41:17

Same here Viking. grin

MrsKoala Tue 22-Jan-13 22:55:06

oh oh oh i have one. I have told it on MN before but...

Mid Jan a few years ago i was shopping at Tescos in Osterley. While in the car waiting for exH to fill up with petrol i could see a woman going thru all the Sunday papers and stealing all the suppliments and putting them in her wicker basket on the front of her bike. I watched this for a while and felt really angry about it, as she walked off with her bike and her booty i opened the car door and shouted 'you have to pay for them you know'.

Well, she went mental, she threw her bike on the ground and started screaming incoherently (she looked like the neighbour in Father Ted shouting about 'the greeks') then picked up all the mags and ran toward my car. I thought oh shit, jumped back in and shut the door and put the lock down just as she reached my window and started punching the and kicking the door. She was shouting 'you pay for them' - i don't really know why and i tried to point out that it wasn't me stealing them but she was in no mood to be reasoned with.

She started pulling the windscreen wipers and wing mirror off and exH said 'oi stop that' she ran up to him and told him she was going to kill us. She then sort of ran out of steam and started walking back towards her bike. Then halfway there, she seemed to get a second wind and turned back and ran at me again screaming 'i hope you had a nice xmas because it will be your last, i know people, i'm going to have you killed'

Helpfully the security staff, on witnessing this, had locked themselves in the forecourt cabin and were watching it all with bemused faces. So they were nice and safe...well that's okay then!

CheerfulYank Tue 22-Jan-13 23:14:31

shock MrsKoala

grin at terrorist bread and naanade.

I've been proper sniggering at loads of these.

MrsKoala that's terrifying shock

ledkr Wed 23-Jan-13 08:49:47

Just remembered another. I was shopping in morrisons and friend rang. I was chatting to her whilst I shopped and I heared tutting from behind me. I turned around to see some old duffer shaking his head at me! I was flipping forty! I carried on shopping and chatting but only quietly and he followed me from aisle to aisle tutting and head shaking. I was so angry I told my friend in a loud voice "some old cunt is flooring me around the shop I think he's a pervert so I have to go so I can call the police"
He beat a hasty path away from me.
I do sometimes think it must be me so this thread has proved otherwise.

ledkr Wed 23-Jan-13 08:57:07

buppers come to asda Gloucester when they put out the reduced stuff. A team of regulars come at that time and form a wall around the shelf. They take all the best stuff and then continue to remain steadfast waiting for other stuff to come! Me and a lady were asking them to move so we could look and they completely ignored us. We then realised they were in fact foreign so didn't understand us.
I felt a bit pissed off but thought oh well if you can be that blatant your need is obviously greater than mine hmm

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 14:05:31

I have never seen the Asda Gloucester reduced bits. I haven't a clue where it would be.

I was thrilled in the Tesco in Brockworth (parochial gloucestershire supermarket chat here, sorry!) just after Christmas where they put the massive big deli counter pates/hams/pork pies out. It was really quiet, I could have picked up probably 2 kilos of pate for about 80p. But then I realised that christmas pate scoffing was the reason that I felt like a fat bastard, and went to glumly read boxes of Adios instead.

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 23-Jan-13 14:30:48

I would love a trip toAsda Gloucester. It sounds delightful!

I am actually crying at MrsKoala's post especially "Well, she went mental, she threw her bike on the ground and started screaming incoherently (she looked like the neighbour in Father Ted shouting about 'the greeks')" then her having a second wind and coming back. Ha ha ha ha ha! Terrifying for you but funny for us! grin

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 14:36:22

Come on down bupcakes <leslie crowther>

I can show you the sights of Gloucester (scary supermarkets, boarded up lapdancing clubs) and then we can go to Cheltenham and you will see a different world of Whole Foods market, cheese shops where 2 lumps of cheese will cost you 30 quid (still fucking bitter about that) and a statue of a rabbit with a reasonable sized willy.

WilsonFrickett Wed 23-Jan-13 14:49:17

Just leave it Don.
<just wanted to say it again>

DeepPurple Wed 23-Jan-13 14:52:26

Not in a supermarket but in a car park. I had parked up and was sat in my car waiting for a friend to arrive. The car park was huge - probably holds around 1000 cars. There was only about 10 other cars there when another car pulled in to the space at the side of me. From all of those spaces they chose the one next to me! I wasn't even in the one closest to the door or anything. There was also a row of disabled spaces in front of me and to the far side of the car park.
The driver the opened his door and rammed it in to my car whilst I sat there with my mouth hanging open. He then bashed open the rear door again banging my car and proceeded to get a wheelchair out for the passenger in the back. He was about to scrape the wheelchair down the side of my car when I quickly reversed out and moved to another space. I asked him what on earth he was doing and why on earth he had parked next to me when he needed space for the wheelchair. He said "it's not my problem is it" and carried on confused.
Luckily there was only a few minor scrapes on my car which I got out with t cut. I was far too shocked to be able to do anything!

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 23-Jan-13 14:54:30

LOL at Leslie Crowther grin

I've been to that Gloucester. It made me feel a bit sad. I'd got DS with me (3 months old) and he's done a jolly big jobby in his nappy. The closest place I could see with a changing thing was..... Wetherspoons. I went in.... and straight back out again. It was like an alcohol fuelled Dawn of the Dead.

I do love Chelters though. I shall come down. And scare all of the Cheltenham Ladies College girls with my Black Country accent.

"Yow awroight bab?!"

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 14:59:04

Oh don't worry about the Cheltenham lot, they are not as posh as they like to think, all a bunch of carrot crunchers really <runs from ledkr>

Poor old Gloucester. It is sad. It's a shame, as there are some lovely bits, but it really suffers I think from having Cheltenham next door.

My new job takes me to Birmingham soon for one day a week, so I may pick up some brum sayings (or yammy ones).

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 23-Jan-13 15:02:34

Ha ha I'll come and meet you in Brum for a scone.

The first time me and DH went to Cheltenham, we were going around in circles in that street where Boots/M&S is going "This ay posh isit? I thought it woz posh here?!" Then when all the shops were shutting we found the naice bit sad

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 15:05:39

Haha yes, you have to go right up the top for the posh bit.

I thought the same first time I came to Cheltenham - I entered it via a huge shite council estate, then was dropped outside Wilkinsons, which was next to Primark and other scummy shops. Wasn't what I expected at all, like you I didn't find the nice bit for hours.

This thread is so good that I have only just realised it is gone 3pm and I still haven't had my lunch.

And please can I be your friend too, Bupcakes?

ledkr Wed 23-Jan-13 15:51:08

Oi you getorf you leave cheltenham alone!!
We is fucking regency ere alright.
It's ok at night when all the Scuzzers are in fever grin
buppers dh was being a copper once in Gloucester and he described closing time at weather spoons as a zombie apocalypse but less attractive!!!

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 15:56:43

I am only jealous ledkr because I don't live there any more and moved to Gloucester for a bigger house. sad

The Wetherspoons in Gloucester is frightening. I have been out for an evening out in Gloucester ONCE. Never again. And there is not one restaurant actually in the city, it's weird. Loads of indians and chinese places, but not a decent restaurant for a treat.

Cheltenham is a brilliant night out, once you get over the fact that the nightclubs look like they are held in your nan's front room (lots in regency buildings).

ledkr Wed 23-Jan-13 16:09:34

Yeh we often look at the bigger houses we could afford and sigh but schools dictate we are stuck here.
I went to glos once and got spiked! In chambers. The cunts. I was line bloody bambi legs all over the place.
Somehow I feel as if I've stepped back on town when I go there. Lots of 80s fashion.
I was in eastgate yesterday doing a promotional stand and saw some very interesting outfits!!

ledkr Wed 23-Jan-13 16:10:15

In time not on town grrr

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 23-Jan-13 18:20:30

SDTG, we're mates already bab! Aroooooooooooo!

"dh was being a copper once in Gloucester and he described closing time at weather spoons as a zombie apocalypse but less attractive!!!"

God, he was right. I went in and was hit square in the chops by a fug of piss-stained old man's crotches, cheap ale, fag smoke and mouldy betting slips. A place of true desperation.

MrsKoala Wed 23-Jan-13 18:29:42

Seriously, Buppy, that anecdote is one of my reasons for not legalising guns, i honestly believe if she'd have been packing she would have popped a cap in my ass. I mean who would have thought it Osterley on a nice Sunday morning.

I found it funny at the time but later, on review, thought holy fuckamole she was properly bonkers.

I thought that was so, Bupcakes, but one didn't want to presume.

<< snogs Bupcakes >>

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 23-Jan-13 18:59:16

MrsKoala, I actually thought of your story earlier when I was in McDonalds and burst out laughing. My friend was like hmm

<slips SDTG the finger>

You know, I think that DH has founf out my username (left my inbox open on my Kindle last night and he was reading one of my messages, the fat-faced old gaffer) I think I might be due a name change and this thread may have provided the perfect name.

Boomerwang Wed 23-Jan-13 19:03:29

I can't believe you just said 'popped a cap in my ass', MrsKoala I'm imagining it said in a really posh voice now.

'she'd've popped a cap in my arse, darling, you know?'

MrsKoala Wed 23-Jan-13 19:07:43

boomerwang - i was raised on the mean streets of Chiswick. i'm ghettofabulous don't you know!

WilsonFrickett Wed 23-Jan-13 19:41:50

You can't have JustLeaveItDon, I'm keeping it for emergencies...

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 23-Jan-13 19:55:24


NicholasTeakozy Wed 23-Jan-13 20:07:59

How shit that you have to NC Bups. I had to when a family member started quoting my posts back at me. sad

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 23-Jan-13 20:14:09


Fucking hell, that's my nightmares come real that is.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 23-Jan-13 20:57:14

Yeah it's horrible. Every time I made a funny comment on here she'd post it on FB. I know that doesn't happen often like. It used to under my old name. I was funny then. sad

If you can't have LeaveitDon you can have "FuckOffChunk" and we'll all know it's you Bup

WilsonFrickett Wed 23-Jan-13 21:21:37

Cheesus, Nicholas can have it. Also my worst nightmare having stuff from here popping up in RL. In fact maybe we should just keep it in reserve ... ::shuddering at the seven circles of hell that would be unleashed if I was outed::

Boomerwang Wed 23-Jan-13 21:25:04

God please don't, I have stuff on here about my boyfriend I wouldn't want him to read. Don't give me nightmares!

Now and then my mum used to snoop around for my name on her pc and come up with stuff that was very close to home... this was years ago when I was stupid and a bit of an exhibitionist...

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 21:26:08

Bups I just laughed at you calling your lovely looking DH a fat faced old gaffer. grin