About suspicious contents of DP's pockets?

(69 Posts)
ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:15:07

Years ago, before we had DC, DP and I occasionally took cocaine (I now know how stupid and reckless this was by the way). At one point DP developed a bit if a habit but kicked it before it became a full blown addiction. We both stopped and I haven't touched anything illegal since trying for DC.

Now and again when doing the washing, I will find little plastic bags with a residual white powder. Whenever I confronted DP about this he would say its from years ago. I couldn't prove it disprove this as it did tend to happen with his older clothes and I don't tend to keep track of which jeans he has been wearing etc.

I've just found another empty bag in a jumper I know had nothing in it as I remember washing it recently. He's saying its caffeine powder from the Internet. I don't know whether to believe him or not.

I will be livid if I find out he has been using drugs. We have DC now and he is constantly harping on at be to keep the food bill low, don't run the heating too long etc, as we don't have much money.

He is not showing any other signs of a drug habit and holds down his job with long hours.

AIBU to he very suspicious?

Arthurfowlersallotment Sun 20-Jan-13 13:16:28

Ummm, I think you know your suspicions are justified. I'm sorry.

HollyBerryBush Sun 20-Jan-13 13:17:43

We have DC now and he is constantly harping on at be to keep the food bill low, don't run the heating too long etc, as we don't have much money.

You know why you don't haved much money don't you? its going up his nose, thats why.

YorkshireDeb Sun 20-Jan-13 13:18:33

Sounds suspicious to me too. Don't know where you go from here if he flatly denies it though. x

TennisFan42 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:18:37

Suggest you go through all his clothes to check for any other "old" bags so yoou can throw them away. Use the reason that you wouldn't want your DC to accidentally find them. Then if you find any in future you will know they are new bags.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 20-Jan-13 13:19:23

He's lying to you. Who buys caffiene powder off the internet?? What?? Ridiculous.

Also, can't you do like the cops on TV and dip your finger in and taste the powder?

Anyway... he's lying to you and I'm sorry that he's apparently having difficulties with drugs.

Onetwothreeoops Sun 20-Jan-13 13:20:25

If he bought something off the Internet he would have a receipt for it, wouldn't he? Is he approachable enough to ask to see a receipt? Can he show you the transaction on his bank statement?

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:20:41

That's my worry holly. We can only just about make ends meet right now as I'm a SAHM although I'm applying for jobs at the moment. I thought he had a point about cutting back but not so he can find a drug habit.

I don't know what to do now sad.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:21:48

Sorry, lots if xposts. He is out right now but said he will show me when he gets home.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:22:13

Sorry, meant to say 'show me where he bought it from'.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:23:27

There's not really enough there to 'taste' it I don't think, but even so, I don't know what caffeine powder tastes like so not really a good test.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Sun 20-Jan-13 13:23:54

Why don't you look for it on the computer.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:26:52

We have seperate laptops and his is password protected so I can't access it. He said he can prove he bought caffeine powder but I have been finding bags occasionally for a couple of years and he's never used this excuse. He's always just said its from years ago.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 20-Jan-13 13:27:10

Well, if it made your tongue sort of numb, it's not caffeine, is what I'm saying.

I'm sorry that my last post sounded sort of abrupt. I had a kid climbing on me.

I wish I could find a way to say this really gently: you're probably about to find out that your husband is using drugs and you're going to need a lot of support. It's a horrible position to be in and I am sorry. I've had friends in your position and it was horrible.

You're going to need to see really clear proof (including an online receipt in his email. He'll likely lie and say he deleted it, though. But, paypal or credit card will have the details.) Otherwise, you're going to need him to come clean about what he's been doing.

Pandemoniaa Sun 20-Jan-13 13:28:16

Why does he buy caffeine powder? There may be a perfectly good reason, of course, but as someone who previously had a cocaine habit, it's not U of you to be deeply suspicious of little bags containing white paper.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:28:32

I don't know where to go from here. If he does have a drug problem and won't admit it then presumably it will only get worse.

Would you leave your DP/DH over something like this?

kinkyfuckery Sun 20-Jan-13 13:29:11

You are right to be suspicious. What kind of idiot buys caffeine powder anyway?

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 20-Jan-13 13:30:26

Can you taste it? Assuming you're not pg. Lick the bag - if it's coke, you'll know.

Wolfiefan Sun 20-Jan-13 13:30:31

Please DON'T try it! It's not safe.
If he was buying something over the Internet then it would be delivered in some sort of container. Surely you would see delivery happen or see the box/container.

kinkyfuckery Sun 20-Jan-13 13:31:01

I would probably leave, yes. It's not just the fact that he's taking illegal drugs, it's that he is bringing them into your home, and lying to you about it.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:31:13

Don't worry Katy, I didn't take your post the wrong way, was just saying there wasn't enough to test it. I had forgotten it numbs your mouth, that's how long it's been since I last did it.

He says he needs the caffeine to keep him awake as he starts work very early and has very long commutes sometimes. We're all sleep deprived with young DC in the house too.

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 20-Jan-13 13:31:27

and yes, definitely go through ALL his pockets now, before he gets back.

suburbophobe Sun 20-Jan-13 13:32:25

I have been finding bags occasionally for a couple of years and he's never used this excuse. He's always just said its from years ago.

Well, I presume he doesn't have piles of dirty clothes lying around for years...?

(I always check pockets before chucking stuff in the washing machine).

So sorry you're going through this.

MrsTomHardy Sun 20-Jan-13 13:32:57

Doesn't sound good, sorry!

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:33:25

He gets lots of parcels from eBay all the time. Often it's just crap he likes to buy himself, clothes etc. I did wonder why it would be in a little bag rather than large container. But then I don't know how much caffeine powder costs. I'll dig a little and try find out how it's generally sold.

acceptableinthe80s Sun 20-Jan-13 13:35:24

Surely you can tell if he's high? especially since you used to take it as well. I have a friend who takes it regularly, she doesn't think she has a problem, I can tell if she's had a line over the phone! You probably know it's a very expensive habit, do you know where he's getting the money to buy it? There's a chance he's racking up debt you don't know about.
Time for a confrontation I'd say, I think the drug bags are evidence enough.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:35:39

I've got to admit that sometimes I forget to check pockets (slattern that I am) and will find them having already been washed. He has loads and loads of clothes. It would be impossible to check them all.

He's back. Will check in later when I get the chance.

crikeybill Sun 20-Jan-13 13:36:40

No one can advise whether you should leave your dp over this ( although plenty will !) This is a decision for you to make.
You need to talk to him. Its obviously coke. Sorry.
Talk first get the facts from him. Listen to advice by all means but make sure you do what YOU think is best for your relationship.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:36:53

I have sometimes been suspicious as his eyes look funny but he claims tiredness. Also, his bogeys are always white (sorry, tmi and weird).

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 20-Jan-13 13:38:03

This caffeine thing is bollocks. why wouldn't he just drink espresso/buy Pro Plus?

HollyBerryBush Sun 20-Jan-13 13:38:18

Would you leave your DP/DH over something like this?

yes, if he leaves it in his pockets, carelessly and you have children - where else does he leave it?

That alone and the money aspect.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:38:18

I am very worried that he's racked up debts that I don't know about. He's very private as in general and I've learned not to push him and question him too much especially over finances.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:40:29

Sorry, thought he was back but it wasn't him. If I go quiet then he back grin.

McNewPants2013 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:41:49

Caffine powder is now seen as a legal high, very popular with party people.

But it is still dangourous to take as it pumps the body with too much caffine

Tweedledeedum Sun 20-Jan-13 13:42:24

A tiny bit won't be dangerous. I'd rub a bit on your gum or tongue, you know how it used to feel from past experience. Then you've answered the caffeine powder question.

Also go carefully, he might just be more careful or hide the addiction if you go in all guns blazing, you want to make him comfortable to fess up and be open to getting some help. What do you think restarted it all, new kid free friends, midlife crisis, stress about money?

MunchMunch Sun 20-Jan-13 13:43:23

I think rather than caffeine powder helping him with the long hours it more than likely coke.

If he wanted caffeine to help surely he could buy the likes of pro-plus and drink coffee or energy drinks.

Maryz Sun 20-Jan-13 13:45:06

I would leave over something like this.

You can choose to live with a drug addict if you like (and a lying one at that), but can you in all conscience pick that life for your children?

I don't believe the "caffeine off internet" story - why on earth would he do that instead of buying red bull or other high-caffeine drinks?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 20-Jan-13 13:45:16

OK, firstly YADNBU to be suspicious.

Secondly, I am a nosey moo and have just bee googling. You can get caffeine powder in tiny packets on eBay and it's much cheaper than buying Pro Plus as the recommended dose is even tinier, so it's not totally beyond the realms of possibility that he's telling the truth.

But if that is the case, he should be more than willing to have a conversation with you and prove that this is the case. If not, then I would have alarm bells ringing and be considering my future if I was in your shoes. More than anything, he is bringing whatever this is into your home and there is a risk, however small, that your DC's could get hold of it.

Maryz Sun 20-Jan-13 13:46:15

"I've learned not to push him and question him too much especially over finances."

That ^^ up there. That's a massive, massive red flag in itself.

Addicts are secretive (not private) over finances. They have to be, because otherwise how do they explain where their money is going?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 20-Jan-13 13:48:39

I may have got that wrong about the dose being tinier - I was assuming 200mg a day (on another site) was a typo but apparently not shock.

McNewPants2013 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:49:40

Because caffine powder works out cheaper 2 teaspoons is the same as 70 cans of redbull and the powder is about £4 so saving at least £64 ( you only need 1/16th of a teaspoon

onetiredmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 13:49:44

This is how I found my ex H's addiction to cocaine, little empty bags in his pockets. He was holding down a job at the time & was successful, on a good salary. However he was never home in the evenings, was in the most godawful bad mood in the morning & was a shit father. He was also an alchoholic & had a marijuana addiction.

Think about his life outside the home, does he see his friends, has he the time to buy it & take it, does it sometimes seem like he would rather be out than at home with you?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 20-Jan-13 13:51:56

Have done the maths - a 10mg bag would provide 50 days worth of caffeine, so if he's trying to pass that off as a reason for money problems - he's definitely lying.

If he's consuming more than that - he has a problem anyway, even if it is with caffeine rather than coke.

SomethingProfound Sun 20-Jan-13 13:52:20

Buy one of these these. If he really hasn't been doing anything wrong he will take the test. If he refuses then you have your answer.

But IMO it's coke, and if instead of admitting that he fucked up made a mistake he is lying to you then that is a serious problem.

Who is he hang around with, are any of his friends or work colleagues likely to be taking it as well?

SundaysGirl Sun 20-Jan-13 13:55:49

Well a quick google search shows caffeine powder can be extremely dangerous anyway if taken incorrectly or in too large a quantity. If he has white mucus in his nose then he's snorting whatever it is. Doing that with caffeine powder appears to be a highly bad idea.

Lavenderhoney Sun 20-Jan-13 13:56:57

If you have been cutting down on finances, then you must know what he earns and where every penny goes? Like a big spreadsheet? Does he draw out cash each week and how much is it? And where does it go? For me, yes I woud go through his stuff, no matter how many clothes he has, what if your dc get hold of it? Same for caffeine powder too tbh, why is he carrying it about in his pockets ?

Maryz Sun 20-Jan-13 13:57:19

Wow, McNew, that's a massive amount of caffeine shock. That can't be good for people, can it?

Doesn't caffeine addiction also have all sorts of side effects (obviously not money, but health issues).

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Sun 20-Jan-13 13:58:15

He gives you grief about food bills but is constantly buying crap for himself on eBay?

Even without being a drug addict, that's off.

Wasting your family's money on drugs and leaving them where the kids might find it. FFS.

Sorry, is he saying that he's snorting caffeine powder? How is that any better? It may be legal but still a bad idea.

If you have money problems, why is he always getting ebay packages? Why does he have so many clothes you couldn't go through them, and still ordering more?

I would be tempted to snip some hair strands and send them off for testing. It doesn't sound like he's going to admit to anything and, no offence, you seem like a bit like you really want to believe his excuses.

Also how do you know the packages are coming off ebay? you can buy drugs online you know

MissMarplesMaid Sun 20-Jan-13 14:07:41

Amazon sell caffeine powder in plastic tubs like this. You can buy 250g for £12.91 (plus P&P). You dont but caffeine powder in little plastic bags.

Just so as you know.

allthegoodnamesweretaken Sun 20-Jan-13 14:07:58

How do you think it would go if you asked him to do a test op?
according to FRANK, the tests are most effective within 12hrs of use but can sometimes show up to 3 days afterwards. Would be good to use it when you notice his eyes looking odd as you mentioned upthread.

MissMarplesMaid Sun 20-Jan-13 14:14:34

My guess is that he has picked caffeine as being another powder which sounds a bit dodgy so that you will accept his rather weak story.

Really, you can buy caffeine powder in catering size packs. Even if he does provide a receipt from a hydroponics (or whatever) shop claiming its caffeine then either he is the most gullible drug user in Britain or he is in reality buying something quite different.

AlienReflux Sun 20-Jan-13 14:23:03

As an ex addict (clean 7 years,go me!!) who kept it from my dp, I can tell you ' it's from ages ago' is the oldest line in the book.

if I was you I'd front him out, bollocks to ' I've learned learnt not to push him'

this is not years ago,you have kids together, and a right to know.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 20-Jan-13 14:26:33

Snorting caffeine is just weird. You can buy tablets. You can buy tasty drinks full of it. I suppose the powder is used for people making weight-loss shakes or something. Maybe they cut drugs with it. But people who want to take straight caffeine normally just buy tablets at the store.

LoopsInHoops Sun 20-Jan-13 14:34:39

Sorry OP, I think you know what it is sad

scripsi Sun 20-Jan-13 14:35:53

Could I just point out that even if he can show you a receipt for caffeine powder, it doesn't mean that the little bag contains caffeine powder (or that the other found bags did). You have to find out yourself what the bag contains - either rubbing it on your gums/getting some kind of test done on the powder/springing a urine test on DH.

I'd be cheching the notes in his wallet - lay them flat and see if they curl up. If he's rolled one up to sniff the coke through it will curl up again slightly.

I used to run night clubs and the doorstaff used to do this if they suspected someone of taking coke in the club

Caffeine powder is usually labelled like this

Bunbaker Sun 20-Jan-13 16:05:56

You could always walk into a police station with one of the empty bags and ask them to test it. I don't know whether that is asking for trouble or whether it will give your partner a wake up call.

I'm sorry but everything you have written about your partner is bringing up red flags for me. There is obviously no trust at all in the relationship let alone the drugs issue.

I also don't buy the story that he has too many clothes for you check all the pockets.

StuntGirl Sun 20-Jan-13 16:19:51

I'm sorry OP it sounds very suspicious to me too.

If they are from ages ago then he needs to go through every pocket in every item of clothing tonight and throw away any 'old ones' he finds. What if your children came across them?

If your money is so tight that you need to keep such a close eye on food and heating bills then buying off ebay needs to stop now.

If your finances are so tight you both need to be very transparent with your accounts and budget together. No more being secretive.

If he is so exhausted that he is using drugs - legal or otherwise - to get through his day then you need to look at your family situation together and see where you can make changes to help.

I'm sorry OP, and I hope you can both get through this.

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sun 20-Jan-13 16:21:57

you know what he's doing. what are you going to do about it?

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 16:34:23

Why don't you tell him that you've taken the 'caffeine' powder bag to the police so they can test the residue to make sure that it's safe, because you're concerned about him buying it off the internet, since you've heard horror stories about the sort of thing people end up getting.

See just how much he shits himself.

Bunbaker Sun 20-Jan-13 16:36:05

"Why don't you tell him that you've taken the 'caffeine' powder bag to the police so they can test the residue to make sure that it's safe, because you're concerned about him buying it off the internet, since you've heard horror stories about the sort of thing people end up getting."

Evil grin

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 16:36:50

Oh, and btw - if you believe that these are old bags or that that is caffeine powder... I have a bridge to sell you!

FergusSingsTheBlues Sun 20-Jan-13 16:41:41

Of course he's on the gak.

And, btw, that excuse about being old packets is EXACTLY the excuse I use when dh comes across yet another empty marlboro light ten deck.

AlienReflux Mon 21-Jan-13 11:12:36

Hows it going OP? have you said anything to him?

FobblyWoof Mon 21-Jan-13 11:37:12

I agree with bunbaker

I'd take it to a police station. I'm sure they'd be willing to test it. If it is caffeine then DH doesn't need to know that you had it tested and if it is cocaine then he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Drugs are a massive, massive deal breaker for me, never mind the lying, the money and the danger of leaving packets within reach of children.

MrsMelons Mon 21-Jan-13 11:52:14

I'd be fairly suspicious given the fact you have found similar bags before. I have never seen caffeine powder in an unmarked bag. They mainly come in marked pouches (with all the warnings on as it can pretty dangerous if not taken correctly).

If he is genuinely buying caffeine powder from someone a bit dodgy as its in a normal plastic bag then I would be massively worried about this.

I work within a mental health residential unit and we have a huge problem with 'legal' highs currently. They are purchased from a normal shop but some patients have actually tested positive for amphetimines so some products are not all them seem!

The lying would be a deal breaker for me, let alone putting my DCs at risk. Even if it was caffeine powder - this could kill them!

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