To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

(580 Posts)
EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 09:30:27

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

Panzee Sun 20-Jan-13 09:32:26

Not at all. They sound awful. On the upside, I don't think they will be inviting themselves again! smile

thekingfisher Sun 20-Jan-13 09:33:05

yanbu

redexpat Sun 20-Jan-13 09:33:31

Hell no YANBU!

SparkyTGD Sun 20-Jan-13 09:35:46

YANBU, cheeky cows.

I hope your DH gives her an earful when he has the chance.

The fact that they have damaged your property in a fit of pique shows that YANBU. They have been more than 'hard work'.

LAlady Sun 20-Jan-13 09:36:28

YANBU.

I would take photos of what they have done too.

YANBU. Cheeky mares! Even if the trains aren't running its tough shit, not your problem. They treat it like a hotel not a family home, a hotel wouldn't get them back to the airport. Take pictures of the mess and bill them.

Bonsoir Sun 20-Jan-13 09:37:21

I don't think YABU. But I think you were crazy to let them come to stay in the first place!

beckhamz Sun 20-Jan-13 09:37:35

YANBU. They sound like ungrateful, entitled brats. Will you/DH br raisingbthis with MIL? She ought, perhaps, to hear how her daughter has behaved so that she doesn't foist her onto others in the future.

Bluestocking Sun 20-Jan-13 09:38:00

Of course you're not being unreasonable. What horrible, badly brought-up young women. Is this your husband's half-sister? It wasn't clear to me what the relationship is.

Chubfuddler Sun 20-Jan-13 09:38:36

They must never ever be allowed to stay again. No bitching carping or moaning from your in laws or husband. Never.

Fucking ingrates. Hopefully one day when they have grown up and are struggling to get a small child settled they will shudder with shame at their behaviour.

Luckyluckyme Sun 20-Jan-13 09:38:38

What LAlady said.

Then you'll have proof that you're not just a "snotty cow".

Definitely take photos and ask MIL to pay for replacement bedding.

BellaVita Sun 20-Jan-13 09:39:01

Yanbu.

EuroShagmore Sun 20-Jan-13 09:39:20

YANBU. It sounds like they forget they were not in a crappy apartment in Magaluf but in someone else's home. What awful little madams.

SparkyTGD Sun 20-Jan-13 09:39:37

Definitely take photos of the mess.

MousyMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 09:39:49

yanbu
they are adults and should be expected to manage on their own. if not tough titty.
I would be tempted to send them an invoice for cleaning the room. and don't let them stay again (for free).

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 20-Jan-13 09:40:43

No you weren't , the selfish little cows. I would send them a bill for the damage as well.

EuroShagmore Sun 20-Jan-13 09:41:04

Take photos as they are bound to go crying to MIL about how awful you were.

Chubfuddler Sun 20-Jan-13 09:41:21

I would actually have thrown them out into the night for the hag/snotty cow comment. How fucking dare they. Am raging on your behalf.

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 20-Jan-13 09:41:28

Yes take photos of the mess. You might need the evidence.

GetOrf Sun 20-Jan-13 09:41:41

Take photos of the mess and send the pictures to your MIL saying what completely disgusting individuals they are.

Good on you for not taking them back, cheeky twats. I bet they were furious (good).

SunflowersSmile Sun 20-Jan-13 09:42:26

YANBU.
Take photos of malicious damage just in case people start defending them.
Absolute selfish bitches.
Hope you are ok.

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 09:43:08

Yes DH's half sister. They barely know each other as 15 years age difference and DH has lived abroad most his adult life.

MousyMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 09:43:53

and we are waiting for you to upload he pictures grin

Bluebell99 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:43:54

I would photograph the damaged sheets and send to your mil, and ask her to get some compensation from the hsil, and also tell her how awful they were. Yanbu to get them to make their own way to airport, they sound appalling.

smugmumofboys Sun 20-Jan-13 09:44:48

God I feel enraged on your behalf. How fucking dare they?

Take photos and email to MiL. They should be paying for replacement bedding not MiL imo. You did well not to turf them out at 3am after the snotty cow comment.

Bluestocking Sun 20-Jan-13 09:45:43

Definitely take pictures for future reference, and consult DH about telling his mother. This is awful and there should be some consequences for these two nasty brats - they need to start learning how to behave in public!

Trazzletoes Sun 20-Jan-13 09:46:07

Definitely take photos and make sure HSil re-imburses you. She's 20. Well old enough to know you don't trash other people's property.

YANBU. At all.

Willabywallaby Sun 20-Jan-13 09:46:12

You poor thing, agree with taking pics, and you were NBU.

shrimponastick Sun 20-Jan-13 09:47:41

YaDnbu.

Take photos before you clean up. Email them on to MIL and tell all.

Aged 20 I am certain they could get to the airport under their own steam, if not tough, they are adults.

What a horrible few days for you.

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 09:49:03

Chub did want to throw them out at 3am but it was minus 15 and they were v. drunk. TBH the girl who made the comment, i was a bit scared of her. And when DH was here she was flirting with him. I don't think he noticed though.

OMG! That is awful. Agree with everyone else, take pictures and get the money back from MIL if SIL won't reimburse.

TuftyFinch Sun 20-Jan-13 09:50:05

YANBU! Rude, spoilt brats!

EllenParsons Sun 20-Jan-13 09:50:36

Omg! Yanbu and sorry you have had to deal with such horrible people in your home.

crazycanuck Sun 20-Jan-13 09:50:53

YANBU. Not in a million years. I agree with everyone who said to take pictures of the damage and have your DH tell your MIL what happened and what the cheeky ungrateful entitled brat said to you.

We're moving to a winter resort town later this year and I am dreading having to stave off this very scenario. OP I admire your strength in not showing them the door last night!

Adamit Sun 20-Jan-13 09:51:10

oh sweet jesus I am fuming on your behalf. YANBU! fuck them. def take pics and never have them stay again.

flossy101 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:55:16

Yanbu!

How rude of them to treat your home like that. Definitely take photos and make sure MIL and DH know how they behaved, and don't let anyone stay again!!

whois Sun 20-Jan-13 09:55:28

YANBU

Girls were nasty selfish twats. MIL can't possibly like HSIL?

MidniteScribbler Sun 20-Jan-13 09:55:47

YADNBU!!! Rude entitled little turds.

This is why no one knows that I own my holiday home, they just think that I rent the same place everytime I go away. I refuse to allow anyone to think that they have some rights to use it. It's mine, and I go there to get away from people, not to have them ruin the place I worked so hard for.

Tell your mil to get stuffed next time she calls.

whois Sun 20-Jan-13 09:56:26

Sorry, thought HSIL was MILS new man's daughter. Not the daughter of MIL and new man.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 20-Jan-13 09:56:32

Bloody hell! YANBU. They took the piss utterly.

Even if your MIL hadn't told passed on to them that they needed to pull their weight/watch the dcs, common sense and politeness should've at least told them that the minimum was to be quiet and respectful of your home.

Arithmeticulous Sun 20-Jan-13 09:58:21

Take lots and lots of photos. That's a real Facebook moment.

Lavenderhoney Sun 20-Jan-13 09:59:29

You have been remarkably nice to me - late nights, not helping, smoking, rude and disrespectful and damaging your property. They were very lucky not to be chucked out before. If someone called me a snotty cow and didn't take it back they woud be out in the snow about 2 minutes later ( hot headed temper)

Agree take pics, send an email and call and talk to your mil as well asap, these things are better on the phone. Ask they pay to replace. They won't but should be asked. Let mil if she wants to. She won't have to buy hdsis a Christmas/ birthday present, the money went to replace your stuff. Hah!

Just because you are wealthy and have a nice house does not give others the right to trash it.

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 20-Jan-13 09:59:37

Good grief!! YANBU AT ALL!!!!! Foul, foul people. Agree with everyone else about letting your DH MIL know just how awful they were, inc photos and discussion about compensation for deliberate damage.

smornintime Sun 20-Jan-13 10:03:02

YADNBU!!! Rude entitled little turds.

I concur!

MidniteScribbler Sun 20-Jan-13 10:03:02

Oh, and I would have given them directions to the airport. Via a few war zones.

AlistairSim Sun 20-Jan-13 10:03:10

Horrible brats!

Yanbu, OP.

I wonder how they will spin it to MIL?

drinkyourmilk Sun 20-Jan-13 10:05:05

I can't believe people act like this! Is be so grateful for you putting us up. Id be offering a night's babysit and cooking whenever I could.
Disgraceful behavior! Take the photos and email them to your dh along with an explanation of their behaviour and what happened. Let him deal with it.
Close the door on the room today and enjoy some snuggles with your babies xxx

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 10:05:11

Ok have taken photos of the bedding. I have written an email to MIl and saved it as draft. I have no idea how to download the photos and attach them but at least i have them as back up. Have kept the email brief, explained they were rude and unhelpful (not as promised). I have not asked MIL for money for the sheets, am waiting for her to offer. Mmm will send it now

SanityClause Sun 20-Jan-13 10:05:49

Give your DH some credit, though!

I bet he picked up on the flirting, but wasn't such an arse to respond in kind!

Reaa Sun 20-Jan-13 10:06:59

Don't forget to bill them or your MIL for damages to your property.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 20-Jan-13 10:08:33

Why bill MIL? I'd ask her to pass the bill on to SIL, who did the damage.

teacher123 Sun 20-Jan-13 10:09:35

No doubt you will be painted as the unreasonable one to your mil, so I would take photos of the damage and send them to her ASAP, and phone her this morning. That is such appalling behaviour it makes me very sad on your behalf. I remember at university some 'friends' trashing our house because they were drunk. One of them was sick all over our furniture, all over the floor, in the living room, hallway, stairs and landing. No apology, no attempt to clear it up, nothing. I was told that I should feel sorry for her. Errr, no. Our friendship never recovered. People who have no respect for people's property certainly don't deserve any favours.

Trazzletoes Sun 20-Jan-13 10:10:29

I wouldn't bang on about them being unhelpful, but definitely explain about the rudeness and wilful destruction of property.

Angelico Sun 20-Jan-13 10:14:44

I am so glad you didn't take them to the airport. YANBU. Entitled brats. I hope your MIL gives them hell when she knows the circumstances.

SoldeInvierno Sun 20-Jan-13 10:17:37

Disgraceful. I would have kicked them out in the middle of the night.

Stokes Sun 20-Jan-13 10:17:46

Do you have HSIL's email address? If so, I'd email her and leave MIL out of it for now - HSIL is 20, old enough to be responsible for her own actions. But have the pictures ready to show MIL if she ends up getting involved.

Rosa Sun 20-Jan-13 10:20:24

Rude rude rude ... I hope the plane is delayed and they are diverted . I also hope your MIl sees your side. They have had a free holiday in your house without even offering thanks , plus they have trashed it ..horrible people .

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 10:23:38

I sort of see stokes' point but mil seemed to have foisted sil so I would start there.

Yanbu- my holiday home is my nest that is full of things I love so don't want other people in it let alone behaving like this. We have got quite robust in saying no even to family.

Isityouorme Sun 20-Jan-13 10:27:03

I agree with stokes. Threaten small claims court, send and invoice to hsil for nice new bed linen and cleaning etc. inflate the price as you won't get the real cost. Did they pay for food etc? if mil gets involved saying what delightful people hsil and friends are you can show the pictures. bitches.

poodletip Sun 20-Jan-13 10:28:06

MIL has to take some responsibility because she took it upon herself to ask you if they could come instead of letting HSIL sort it out herself like an adult! However 20 is more than old enough to know you should treat someone's home with more respect than that. Hideous behaviour from them. It's also more than old enough to be responsible for organising how to get themselves where they need to go without relying on grown ups to do it for them!

I really feel for you, you must feel like your lovely home has been violated sad. Unfortunately I think largely you are going to have to put it down to experience. Let MIL know what happened by all means but it's not worth kicking off a huge family row over it. They are gone. I'm guessing they wont get a return invite so it's not going to happen again. Concentrate on getting your home straightened out again. When it is I think you'll feel better.

ZillionChocolate Sun 20-Jan-13 10:31:04

I would email SiL and copy in MiL (because she arranged it).

Dear SiL,

I hope you got home safely. It is going to take a cleaner x hours at £x per hour to restore my home to its usual state. The sheets you/your friends have damaged will cost £x. Given that you have arranged this trip, I would like you to pay me directly. You can then sort it out with your friends if appropriate.

OP

specialsubject Sun 20-Jan-13 10:33:03

take photos and send a bill. These are nasty, destructive, thieving little bitches and need a lesson. Refuse ever to see them again.

As for getting to the airport - they'll be fine. Even if they weren't it would be no loss.

ZillionChocolate Sun 20-Jan-13 10:33:08

YANBU letting them get to the airport themselves. I wouldn't have done anything more than offered advice/allowed Internet access to look it up even if they had behaved themselves..

seeker Sun 20-Jan-13 10:37:11

Take photographs. Put them on Facebook.

juneau Sun 20-Jan-13 10:39:22

1) Send HSIL a bill for the damage (brand new sheets, pillowcases, anything else they ruined) and CC your MIL on the email.
2) Make it clear that they will never be welcome again.

And put it down to experience. It sounds utterly horrible, but then having house guests can be hard work even when they're invited and you like them! That's the problem with having a place overseas - people are constantly inviting themselves and saying how they'll be no trouble, but they always are. Harden your heart OP and say 'no' in future to anyone you don't actually know and like. And no, YADNBU! Bitches. I'd have kicked them out at 3am.

msrisotto Sun 20-Jan-13 10:40:40

What appalling behaviour! I agree with sending them a bill for the bedding and cleaning. Awful.

TandB Sun 20-Jan-13 10:42:24

I would let MIL know exactly what has happened. Make it clear that their already less-than-good behaviour deteriorated drastically in your DH's absence, suggesting that they thought they could get away with it when it was just you on your own.

I would highlight:

Bringing complete strangers into your home in the middle of the night.
Allowing those strangers to smoke in your home.
Verbally abusing you in front of strange men when you were alone with small children - potentially an intimidating situation.
Deliberate vandalism of your property

Their behaviour couldn't have been worse. I would make it clear that your initial reluctance was due to you thinking they would be extra work - you didn't expect to be intimidated and abused in your own home and have them cause deliberate and possibly criminal damage to your property. I would leave MIL in no doubt as to just how furious, horrified and shocked you are about her daughter's conduct.

And then ask her how payment for the damage will be made. It is ultimately the SIL's responsibility but MIL nagged you into having them so I would include her in the discussions about payment. Don't ask IF it will be made - tell her payment is required and that you are willing to give x amount of time for it to be made.

If SIL denies any of it, don't get drawn into arguments about "he said, she said". Just keep repeating "That is completely untrue. I have told you what happened. When can I expect the money SIL owes?"

I would also make it clear right now that absolutely NO other family members will ever be permitted to stay in the chalet as a direct result of SIL's conduct and that you will be having no further contact with SIL in the future because it is quite clear that she has no interest in her brother or his family save for what she can get out of them.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 20-Jan-13 10:42:35

To be honest, I wouldn't bother trying to get them to pay for the damage. You will never see a penny of it and it will just cause more family trouble.

Definitely tell your MIL what happened and tell her that you won't be having any more guests that you don't know and didn't personally invite. But, other than that, in the name of future peace and happiness, I'm afraid you'll just have to save your ire for here and talking to your husband.

I'm sorry you had such a shitty experience.

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 10:43:03

They have treated you and your home with utter contempt.

In your shoes - that would be the last time I EVER had any of them in my home again.

catinboots Sun 20-Jan-13 10:47:07

YADNBU

Poor you OP. they sound hideous

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 20-Jan-13 10:48:15

YANBU - sorry they were so horrible.

YANBU

i hope you are able to get your home back to normal ASAP

What kungfupanda said.

I am seething on your behalf what a load of entitled bitches! I would never ever have thought it reasonable to treat sometimes home, who was putting me and my friends up for free, like this however little I thought of them.

TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller Sun 20-Jan-13 10:55:13

YANBU - in fact you were quite tolerant not to read the riot act earlier. Driving them to the airport would have been behaving like a doormat. Wow

ApocalypseThen Sun 20-Jan-13 10:56:07

Contrary to what everyone else thinks, I think your MIL will probably be horrified when you explain why this person will never cross your threshold again.

SpottyBagOfTumble Sun 20-Jan-13 10:56:31

Yanbu. How horrid!

onyx72 Sun 20-Jan-13 10:56:33

YANBU.

I don't think you will see a penny from MIL and HSIL for damages.

I can't be the only one who is dying to see the photos!

In your email to MIL, I would describe the behaviour fully, in an unemotional, factual way. Quote the actual words they used. "Rude and unhelpful" could mean they didn't make you a cup of tea, and forgot to say please.

And send HSis an itemised bill.

FeckOffCup Sun 20-Jan-13 10:58:43

YANBU and a much bigger person than me for not throwing them out immediately after the snotty cow/hag comments. Definitely involve MIL as SIL is obviously not mature enough to realise the consequences of her behaviour on her own, spoilt little shit.

ZenNudist Sun 20-Jan-13 10:59:02

Yanbu! Nasty Piece of work. What everyone else said about the letter to MIL. I wouldn't harp on about money and rise above it, unless it leaves you with damaged property you can't afford to replace?

gimmecakeandcandy Sun 20-Jan-13 10:59:50

Add message | Report | Message poster Bluebell99 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:43:54
I would photograph the damaged sheets and send to your mil, and ask her to get some compensation from the hsil, and also tell her how awful they were. Yanbu to get them to make their own way to airport, they sound appalling.

<this>

And they are rude little cunts!

Never again

Numberlock Sun 20-Jan-13 11:00:01

I would send the email now before they get chance to concoct a story about your 'unreasonableness'. I hope you get your home back to normal ASAP, it sounds wonderful.

maddening Sun 20-Jan-13 11:00:10

They're lucky they weren't kicked out at 3am.

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 11:00:17

I agree with Bertha. You need to tell your mother in law everything you have told us here. She needs to understand exactly how they behaved.

maddening Sun 20-Jan-13 11:01:21

Ps def send the email to mil. And take the chance to let her know her daughter has put an end to any possibility of future "borrowing" of your house.

catinthesnow Sun 20-Jan-13 11:05:48

yanbu at all.

this might help in removing makeup from your bedlinen.

ivykaty44 Sun 20-Jan-13 11:06:07

take photographs of the damage and send to your MIL then keep the photographs and if ever anyone asks to come and stay again explain that you had such a terrible experiance after wards you swore that never again, and if you feel the need open the photographs and look at them to remind yourself why you are saying no.

ivykaty44 Sun 20-Jan-13 11:06:59

what is HSIL?

Absolutely agree you should email asap before they get a chance to give their side of the story. Their behaviour is utterly appalling and they should be ashamed, as should MIL for being such a bad judge of character. I wouldn't worry about how to phrase it nicely. Quote word for word the horrid things they said and don't in any way downplay the inconvenience, disrespect or terrible behaviour. I'm shock and angry on your behalf.

SarahBumBarer Sun 20-Jan-13 11:09:44

Yabu. They were guests and it sound like having not wanted them to come you were rather unfriendly and unwelcoming. If its only your weekend home why not just stay away while they were there and let them enjoy it?

Sorry! grin the whole YANBU consensus was distressing me so I just had to add an opposing viewpoint. Of course yanbu! Why were you there all week though if it is a weekend place? Not that I blame you (i would probably have wanted to keep an eye on them too) but it might have been less stressful to have left them to it!

YADNBU. I hate young people who have no respect for anything or anyone. Definitely bill the SIL and CC in your MIL. Take photos and lots of them. Also check for hidden 'momentos' just in case.

ivykaty44 Sun 20-Jan-13 11:14:30

It is so sad that these people behave like this, they leave home and go out and behave like this and become horrible neighbours, work colleagues and bosses....

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 11:16:10

I think it's half sister in law.

Her husband's half sister.

lunar1 Sun 20-Jan-13 11:18:01

What selfish people, never have them again op

Snazzynewyear Sun 20-Jan-13 11:19:21

Of course YANBU. That's disgusting behaviour.

Also, even if they hadn't behaved this way, I would say that if they're old enough to holiday by themselves abroad, they are old enough to make their own way to the airport.

doublecakeplease Sun 20-Jan-13 11:23:41

Yanbu - disgraceful behaviour from the nasty little bitches - the email zillion suggested is perfect. Copy mil in. Get DH onboard too.

Sure someone on here could talk you through uploading photos (not me, I'm clueless)

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 11:24:06

HSIL is half sister in law. DH's mum's youngest child from her second marriage.

Thank you all so much, you make me feel ten times better.

The doormat is dead, long life bolshy, put my foot down and take no shit me!

Thank you too catinthesnow for the cleaning tip but i have already chucked the sheets in the wash with half a tub of Vanish White. Will see how they come out later.

Sent MIL the email but no reply yet. DH is back tomorrow night. Off with DCs for a coffee and croissant and trip to the park to cheer us up.

lljkk Sun 20-Jan-13 11:25:46

I can't see that MIL has behaved like a cow, I would not send her a bill for the sheets. It will just create long term bad feeling, you don't need to start a feud with her, too.

I would send to MIL a picture of the mess they left behind explaining that's why they will never be welcome to stay again, and probably put it on Facebook as well with comments about ungrateful dirty rude houseguests.

If you can afford a ski chalet I think you can take the hit of the cost of replacing items better than others and it sounds like it would be petty & vindictive of you to try to get money off of MIL who wasn't even there.

You are entitled to loathe SIL & her mates, though. Bunch of complete cows.

Mimishimi Sun 20-Jan-13 11:26:08

YABU - only in that you should have kicked them out at the first hint of rudeness. Take photos and let your MIL know they are never welcome again.

LIZS Sun 20-Jan-13 11:27:57

How rude , not only their behaviour while staying but to leave like that. Definitely say that they are sadly not welcome to visit again but you would appreciate any contribution towards their stay (did you cater for them ?)

diddl Sun 20-Jan-13 11:29:35

I´d send MIL a bill.

And put photos on FB

Viviennemary Sun 20-Jan-13 11:33:19

Good idea to take photographs. They sound dreadful. They deserve to be reported for criminal damage to Interpol. That would put the frighteners on them.

Flatbread Sun 20-Jan-13 11:38:44

Yanbu.

I would detail what was said, highlighting the boys late at night, smoking, snotty cow and old hag comments.

Mention the no respect, no help as well.

And leave it at that. No point asking for compensation, it just dilutes the message and will make you sound a bit precious.

I think you have done really well so far. Perfect mix between reasonableness and being firm flowers

KhallDrogo Sun 20-Jan-13 11:39:33

Send the sister an email and a bill, she is an adult after all. Surely she is the one that needs to respond to you and apologise

diddl Sun 20-Jan-13 11:46:23

Blimey-your husband is thoughtful-asking if they had money.

Wouldn´t have occurred to me.

Does his sister know what her friends did?

DeafLeopard Sun 20-Jan-13 11:47:22

What nasty freeloaders. I would have chucked them out at 3am for their rude comments.

YANBU

Groovee Sun 20-Jan-13 11:48:12

If they'd done this in a hotel then they would have been billed by the manger. I'd keep MIL out of it except to tell her not to ask for anyone again and bill SIL and her friends to be paid by a set date for replacement sheets and teach them a lesson.

diddl Sun 20-Jan-13 11:54:47

But people who do this sort of thing aren´t likely to pay up, are they?

This why I suggested MIL-especially as she instigated it?

Maybe she´ll stop enabling!

I mean a 20yr old couldn´t/didn´t even ask her own brother??
(If I´ve read correctly)

SpicyPear Sun 20-Jan-13 11:55:22

YANBU. What disgustingly rude and entitled little cows they were. At that age I definitely knew how to behave in a respectful way and would have been on absolute best behaviour. If they wanted a boozy week they should have found appropriate rental accommodation, not in a house with young children!

I tend to think it's best to deal with MIL as she arranged it and the HSIL is an adult in age only. I don't agree that you shouldn't mention money. Whether you can afford replacements is compeletely irrelevant, you ahould be compensated. I also wouldn't be worried about staying on good terms with these users.

comingintomyown Sun 20-Jan-13 11:55:25

What did you say in your email?

I wouldnt ask for money for the sheets it will just escalate the issue when in fact life is short and I would just forget about it immediately. As you said first world problem and not a huge one at that

YANBU to let them get to the airport themselves though they sound awful

diddl Sun 20-Jan-13 12:01:10

Not ask for money??

No wonder people do this then-stuff magically gets replaced with no inconvenience/consequence to them.

Branleuse Sun 20-Jan-13 12:01:39

YANBU. I am astounded. How horrible.

I wouldnt ask for money though, i would take it as a lesson learnt, and perfect excuse for never allowing anyone else to stay there, so possibly in that respectl, the money was worth it. Id also want to just put it behind me and not have a family feud over it or upset your MIL who will probably already be feeling humiliated and let down by her daughter.

Im a bit surprised that youd call her half sister if they have the same mum though. Are you sure your dh doesnt just see her as his little sister?

ratspeaker Sun 20-Jan-13 12:02:17

I wouldn't bill MIL, SIL is an adult and should take responsibility for her own behaviour.
What I would do though is email MIL and say please don't ask us to host SIL again, the mess, late night parties and rudeness are more than we are prepared to accept.
Put it down to experience and never have the ungrateful, entitled, sponger in your home again.

lisianthus Sun 20-Jan-13 12:03:16

YANBU. Kungfupanda's suggestion is absolutely spot on. And bugger the reasoning that if you have a chalet you can afford to pay for the sheets. If those ghastly young women can afford the flights to you for a freeloading holiday, the costs of skiing gear and skiing and the boozy night they seem to have had, they can fish about and find the cash for the sheets. They can spend the money they saved by not buying you a thank-you present.

And your MIL should be involved in this. She was the one who talked you into it by holding out her daughter and her friends as helpful, respectful houseguests. At the very least MIL should be reading her daughter the riot act for making a liar out of MIL and pressuring her daughter into apologising and replacing your sheets. If MIL is any sort of decent person, she would want to be involved to put things right after what her daughter and her awful friends out you through.

Finally, don't take any comments about creating a "rift in the family" on board. If anyone would be responsible for that it would be your HSIL. Any member of your family who expects you to suck up being insulted and intimidated in your own home has serious problems with their priorities.

wine and [chocolates] for you!

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 12:16:31

UPDATE:

Just left home for our trip to the park and found a bottle of wine with a note attached on the doorstep. Note reads "Apology for trouble and hurt last night. We want to help clean your pool tonight after our work. Apology."

Handwriting and grammar errors suggest the note and wine are from the boys who were here last night. Did not think to check on the pool as it is out of use ATM as DH needs to fix problem with water chemical imbalance. Nipped down to the basement and there is no mess but there are three bottles of champagne floating in the pool. Think they are DH's champagne, but not certain. Presuming the mess has been cleaned up already by the pool filters???

DH is not back until tomorrow so not keen to let these boys in tonight plus there is no mess to clean up.

No news from MIL or HSIL. Did not ask MIL for any compensation for the bedding or send her the photos (not able to download them anyway without DH's help).

Kungfupanda you are very good with words, i love your suggestions.

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 12:21:01

Decent lads.

Shame the women you were good enough to put up are not so decent.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 20-Jan-13 12:22:05

On the plus side, you have met some really lovely locals! When they arrive, tell them the pool is tidied up and express your appreciation for their being so thoughtful.

It sounds like they met some people who invited them back to "their" chalet where they were offered "their" champagne to drink.

Celticlassie Sun 20-Jan-13 12:22:31

How nice that the boys did that! It's a sad state of affairs when total strangers are more considerate than your own family.

conantg Sun 20-Jan-13 12:23:49

So these local lads have a conscience and some manners. Useful further evidence for you, too - take a photograph of their apology to show MIL if there is any question of her not believing you.

LIZS Sun 20-Jan-13 12:26:42

What time are they due home ?

Numberlock Sun 20-Jan-13 12:27:41

That's a lovely gesture from the guys and hopefully has restored your faith in humanity somewhat.

Loquace Sun 20-Jan-13 12:27:44

Telling that unsolicoted apology and offers to put right come from total strangers .....and not the family member (plus mate).

Interesting contrast in terms of attitude.

I have had people take the piss becuase we live in Italy, and they forget that yes they are on holiday, bit our life is still trundling on. But even the worst of them has never managed that degree of entitlement, foul manners and toddler style deliberate destructivness.

And the intimidation? I have no words, other than I am really sorry you have been through the mill as a result of doingbsomebody a massive favour.

Lavenderhoney Sun 20-Jan-13 12:30:43

What nice young men. Agree they must have been horrified to find it was your chalet, your drink, your life. When they come be really lovely and explain. They sound like they will be looking out for you in a nice way in the future.

Drinking all your champagne. I would be incandescent. Have those girls nicked anything, like jewellery? Unhelpful is not a good description. Cut and paste what you wrote on here. Plus the pool drama. Add cost of champagne to their bill.

To load pics - save them onto your pc. Go to your email, click attachments and find the pics in the place you saved them. Click ok, and they will load - you might have to do it one at a time.

You have to tell your mil, and then let your dh deal with it. Don't be so nice. And don't have them back. Ever. Even accompanied by mil.

edam Sun 20-Jan-13 12:32:00

At least you've learned not to allow HSIL anywhere near you in future. Or to listen to MIL when she says 'oh, so-and-so will be no trouble'.

Your HSIL and here friends are ungrateful, horrible little cows but the local lads sound decent, which is some comfort.

AThingInYourLife Sun 20-Jan-13 12:34:17

Nice gesture from the young lads.

Lafaminute Sun 20-Jan-13 12:38:03

High time they learned to cope with real life. I would NOT give their care another thought. They sound like spoilt little wagons. OOOH I am SO annoyed angry on your behalf!!

TheCrackFox Sun 20-Jan-13 12:38:29

The boys sound lovely. On the plus side if MIL starts to believe her DDs version of events (I would imagine that she is one of life's liars) you can ask why the boys felt the need to apologise and try to make amends.

trixymalixy Sun 20-Jan-13 12:38:31

Your chalet sounds lovely! Can I come and stay, I'll be no bother wink.

What childish ungrateful behaviour. I think I'd have thrown them out in the middle of the night. YANBU.

milf90 Sun 20-Jan-13 12:55:17

Definitely nbu, please let us know what mil says!

Glad the guys are at least being decent, they sound like nice young men.

Can't believe your hsil treated u like that! I'm 22, was pregnant at 20 an there's no way I would have ever have acted like that! Ahe aounds like a spoilt cow!!

edam Sun 20-Jan-13 12:58:29

Your dh sounds nice, btw, how lovely of him to buy you a chalet to say 'thanks'. smile

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 20-Jan-13 13:01:21

YANBU. Appalling behaviour. What phone have you got by the way? Someone on here will know how to get the photos off it.

hermioneweasley Sun 20-Jan-13 13:03:20

Agree with what everyone is saying that the girls' behaviour is unacceptable. On the bright side, you now have the perfect excuse to never invite any of MIL's friends and family - ever! Also, the people who live locally and you have to get along with seem lovely and polite.

Agree with others saying get a pic of the boys' apology note and the empty bottles of champagne - I'd be billing for those too.

When MIL replies and DH helps you attach pics to the email, you can explain to HSIL what the bill for sheets, cleaning and champagne is, cc'ing MIL.

Bluestocking Sun 20-Jan-13 13:07:01

What nice young men. This may be silver lining in this otherwise utterly depressing cloud.
Can't wait to hear what MIL/HSis have to say for themselves.

I can't believe how badly some people behave when they're 'on holiday'. At 20 they should know better.

sashh Sun 20-Jan-13 13:11:28

But have i done the right thing?

Depending on the country and the language the only thing different I would do is phone the police and complain about the damage.

I can't believe, actually I can believe, but I can't understand why someone thinks it's OK to behave that way.

If you have not cleaned up yet then take photographs and post them with the letter to MIL.

foslady Sun 20-Jan-13 13:15:33

YY to the photos, write down EVERYTHING that happened - then when it all blows up send a copy over complete with receipts and time it took to put it all right. You have my sympathy - I'd be seething

you have some brilliant advice so im not going to add anything

just wanted to say i am very angry on your behalf.

we live in a crappy house, but if someone had done that here 1) they would not be back and 2) they would be paying for damage

NatashaBee Sun 20-Jan-13 13:52:49

YANBU at all. Nice of the boys to come back and apologise though.

Stokes Sun 20-Jan-13 14:00:48

What lovely boys, they must be mortified. Will be interesting to see what MIL says, presumably she'll be disgusted.

fuzzpig Sun 20-Jan-13 14:08:22

I really hope mil is horrified but I have a feeling she will side with her DD. hope I'm wrong.

Flatbread Sun 20-Jan-13 14:11:19

Btw, regarding your original aibu, you were doing the right thing by making them get up early and take public transportation to the airport.

Even if they had been perfect guests, that would have been the normal thing to do. Nobody would expect you to make a six hour round trip in the snow with small dc. It would not be practical or safe.

Smudging Sun 20-Jan-13 14:17:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astelia Sun 20-Jan-13 14:28:40

Keep the photos safe. Unbelievable behaviour from selfish, ungrateful girls. Wanton vandalism of your hosts' house? If they weren't leaving the country you could have reported them for criminal damage.

It will be interesting to hear what MIL thinks, if she is anything other than horrified, send her a copy of the photos.

DeafLeopard Sun 20-Jan-13 14:48:27

What well mannered boys, they put your SIL and her selfish mates to shame

YANBU - I would be furious. Your HSIL is 20 so should be behaving like an adult and needs to take responsibility for this. I think that people who live in desirable places often have people taking the piss with wanting to get a free holiday.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 20-Jan-13 15:07:39

How very upsetting for you. Why don't you call MIL to discuss this before SIL gets back so you tell her what happened before SIL tries to downplay it?

Am very jealous of your chalet, with pool

YANBU - I would be livid in your shoes.

myfirstkitchen Sun 20-Jan-13 15:09:43

What cows. Be nice if they missed their flights. You're nicer than me, I'd of let them sleep in and then not driven them!

Corygal Sun 20-Jan-13 15:10:24

Send MIL a copy of the pix anyway. Tell her about the local boys' behaviour.

Don't use adjectives. We can tho' - those girls are rough, revolting vandals.

Um, did the local lads think the girls were sex workers? Odd reaction to have with apology that it was a private home & re your drink etc &c. They prob just thought they were whores in town for the weekend.

TweedSlacks Sun 20-Jan-13 15:12:46

At least the young lads did the right thing .
I would be asking for money to cover the 3 bottles of Champage they stole from you as well.
In fact i would be asking for £500 . This is a fair amount and less than if they had stayed at an inclusive chalet.
Spoilt , pretenious little madams.

Hope it was a cold, long and expensive trip to the airport for them as well , with champage hangovers.

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 15:13:39

So no news from MIL or HSIL but managed to speak to DH properly. He backs me 100% but doesn't want to ask for money for the bedding. He is in UK next week on business and promises to pick up another set of bedding for me! (Though how he will fit it in his briefcase, mmmm?)

Thanks for all your kind words.

Just done a tour of the house, there doesn't seem to be anything missing, thank goodness.

Astelia Sun 20-Jan-13 15:29:02

The White Company are very reasonable on international postage. I would just let them take the strain, bedding is very heavy in suitcases.

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 15:31:26

Has bedding not washed ok?
I would probably agree that definitely tell mil all that went on but any cash should be coming from hsil.

Do you feel a bit calmer now they have gone , vented on Here and spoken to dh. Dh sounds lovely btw.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Sun 20-Jan-13 15:40:30

What absolute madams!

CecilyP Sun 20-Jan-13 15:44:41

They sound absolutely awful. It is your home, they have taken advantage of your hospitality and are then rude to you. And if that was not bad enough, they commit criminal damage. Photos to your MIL sound like a good idea. I can't believe how spoilt, selfish and entitled they sound.

And as for getting to the airport, they are grown women of 20 who have chosen to take a trip abroad for their holiday, not 12-year-old schoolgirls who need to be looked after. And so, of course, you have done the right thing. It would also have been right to expect them to make their own transport arrangement even if they had been perfect guests.

SugarPasteSnowflake Sun 20-Jan-13 16:03:05

I hope you've emailed mil! point out the mess, the freeloading, rudeness, smoking and lack of thanks let alone help. mention that the boys have written to apologise and offered to help clean up and technically they weren't the ones in the wrong!

I'd finish off by saying that if dh sis and her friends wanted to behave as if they were in a club 18-30 hotel, then they should have paid for one. oh and that you're sure she will understand that dh sis or her friends won't be welcome to stay again, having behaved so badly and left you with the cost of replacing the items they damaged.

Can't wait to hear MIL's response!

I hope HSIL is ashamed of herself.

I wouldn't have further contact.

Your DH should ring and speak to his mother when he gets home. Make sure he tells her about the abuse you suffered and the fact total strangers have sent you an apology and offered to clean up rather than these spoilt entitled madams.

hermioneweasley Sun 20-Jan-13 16:12:46

Just curious, what is Dh's reason fr not asking for the money for bedding and champagne? I think teaching HSIL about responsibility is the kindest thing the family coukd do for her. Also, she hasn't cared about being rude or family harmony (if that's the reason).

hermioneweasley Sun 20-Jan-13 16:13:20

Yes, second what bringback says.

Hissy Sun 20-Jan-13 16:16:17

I too can't wait for MIL reply. Your H needs to call her too. Otherwise this will just get ignored. Email the pics.

MrsMushroom Sun 20-Jan-13 16:18:20

I bet DH won't ask for money because he's too gentlemanly. Don't mention it to him...you do it. I would! It''s almost criminal damage!

Flatbread Sun 20-Jan-13 16:38:12

I think asking for money would be too confrontational and a bit crass, tbh. It is ok to take money for damages if you run a holiday business, but not within a family situation, IMO.

The issue is the disrespect shown to OP. I bet her dh is seriously pissed about that.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 20-Jan-13 16:39:49

But it's not just family, Flatbread - it's HSIL's mates too.

ConferencePear Sun 20-Jan-13 17:04:40

Slightly off the point I know, but is there some way you can let the young men involved how much you appreciate their efforts at putting things right ?

Pigsmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 17:47:37

Take photos and send to your MIL

financialwizard Sun 20-Jan-13 17:50:32

I am aghast, truly I am.

I hope mil rips hsil a new one. I would be mortified if that was my daughter.

Lueji Sun 20-Jan-13 18:07:43

I'd be fuming at the lack of respect and ask for the money from the SIL as a matter of principle.
And demand a proper apology.

She should not get away with such behaviour.

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 19:02:16

UPDATE:

The two local lads just knocked on my door. It was too cold to keep the door open whilst i talked to them so against DH's advice i invited them in. They are not local lads as i had assumed, they are ski instructors from an Eastern European country here on special permits and were worried they would loose their permits and jobs if i reported the incident. All they seem guilty of is coming into my home uninvited by me and drinking my champagne and eating food from the fridge.

Explained i was not upset with them and asked what had happened. So the story goes, they met the girls in a bar earlier in the week. The girls told them they were British pop stars. The lads bumped into the girls again on Saturday night and they spent the evening together. The girls had made up new names and identities, all a fabrication. They all got drunk and the girls invited them back to my home.

The girls took them straight to the cellar looking for alcohol and then to the pool in the next room. They lounged around the pool drinking the champagne and then one of the girls vomited into the pool. Then one of the lads accidentally dropped a half full champagne bottle into the pool and the girls tossed the other bottles into the pool too. They went upstairs and dranks some more and ate some food then i arrived.

They apologised, i said all was ok and not their fault and nothing to clean up. They thanked me and left.

teacher123 Sun 20-Jan-13 19:05:26

Nice. So your guests stole your food and drink and invited complete strangers into your house whilst you and your babies were asleep upstairs?

Any word from MIL yet?

DeafLeopard Sun 20-Jan-13 19:05:57

shock your SIL and friends behaviour gets worse shock

I am absolutely livid at the way that they treated your home and your hospitality

teacher123 Sun 20-Jan-13 19:06:28

Sorry that looks a bit abrupt! I am just flabbergasted!

LadyMargolotta Sun 20-Jan-13 19:06:39

OMG. Have you taken photos of what they did? I would take photos and write up everything as evidence.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 20-Jan-13 19:10:46

Wow! Will that break the pool filter, do you know?

angry for you.

wriggletto Sun 20-Jan-13 19:11:02

shock this has all the makings of an, 'oh, they/we were just being high-spirited youngsters - don't you think it's rather funny? It's only a joke that went too far...' indulgent excuse, from them and possibly MIL. It's not. Don't be made to feel as if you over-reacted!

INeedThatForkOff Sun 20-Jan-13 19:19:48

Fucking hell, what an utter pair of twats. They are probably very jealous of you so am I which doesn't in any way excuse their behaviour.

It's about so much more than the material damage. I hope you get a groveling apology, but I doubt it.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Sun 20-Jan-13 19:21:22

Wow I don't remember being that thick at 15 let alone 20. As you already know Yanbu op, I can't believe the nerve of some people

clicketyclick66 Sun 20-Jan-13 19:27:12

I am horrified at the behaviour of these girls, I hope their journey was difficult and shocked them into seeing the error of their ways. But I doubt it as they're obviously spoiled brats that can't think of anybody but themselves.

YWNBU, if they are old enough to go on holiday, go out to nightclubs and drink alcohol they are certainly old enough to find their way home.

At least the two lads are decent people.

cees Sun 20-Jan-13 19:34:39

YANBU

Please tell me you won't be having those lazy cows over again, pack of bitches.

Corygal Sun 20-Jan-13 19:35:43

It gets worse and worse. If boys had behaved like that, trashing your house, hoovering your supplies, raiding your drink etc, you'd practically have called the police. The males involved were panicking you would do just that.

But girls.... seem to have got away with it rather more lightly. At 20 to pretend you are a pop star is a bit lame too. What nasty little losers (and I was right, the local boys did think they were 'ladies of entertainment'.)

NonnoMum Sun 20-Jan-13 19:36:02

Decent lads.

The pop star thing is a leetle bit funny.

The vandalism is not.

Do not put anything on FB - that's what common people do. But a letter/email to the 20 year old (not MiL) requesting a contribution towards new bedding/cleaning in a business like manner would be OK.

Flatbread Sun 20-Jan-13 19:37:23

On one hand I am grin at the girls pretending that they are pop stars

OTOH I am shock at bringing two strange men home. What if they were violent, had guns or were rapists? How can you compromise the security and well-being of your host in such a manner? They knew OP was there alone with her children. What if the men were scouting the house and came again to take advantage of the situation? This was dangerously stupid thing to do and HSIL and her friends need to be pulled up very sharply for their behaviour.

ConferencePear Sun 20-Jan-13 19:47:34

....... the bright side the apology of these young men makes it clear that the OP is not the unreasonable, narrow-minded, fuddy-duddy that the SIL will probably try to say she is.

ohfunnyhoneyface Sun 20-Jan-13 19:52:33

Outrageous behaviour.

What horrid girls.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sun 20-Jan-13 20:00:24

I hope you told your mother in law about the names they called you? That's the worst bit in my opinion.

Id send another email with an update of what you know including the insults, vomit and champagne stealing and chucking in the pool.

dutchyoriginal Sun 20-Jan-13 20:01:03

Unbelievable! Your DH must talk to MIL and HSIL about this. When can he help download the photos to a computer? Even if you don't ask for compensation, your MIL should know about the damage and the young men (with the proof of the photos and the note!), so that she knows how her daughter has behaved. angry on your behalf!

EspressoMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 20:01:27

DH is not back until tomorrow night. Maybe he was right, i shouldn't have invited them in. One of them was wearing his ski instructors jacket so i do believe they were telling the truth though. Feel rather uncomfortable so off to bed for an early night, shattered anyway.

No reply from MIL, though no doubt she is waiting for HSIL to return and get her side of the story before she replies. Just checked EasyJet and their flight doesn't land until after 11pm my time so not expecting anything until tomorrow.

Fished the bottles out of the pool with the net, assume the sick has gone through the pool filter. Yuk.

Just Googled the Champagne, and Waitrose are selling it at £79 per bottle.
Thus they drank £237 worth of champers! Ok it was a gift from a business associate, but still!

Bedding is out of the wash, foundation and liquid eyelines/mascara is still there. The bronzing powder seems to have gone. So the bedding is ruined. Will recycle it, not worth keeping as it will only bring back bad memories.

Anyway, off to bed. Goodnight. And thanks for being so supportive everyone.

Will post again when MIL replies.

From your OP, Espresso, it sounds as if the damage to the sheets was deliberate retaliation for what you did - and frankly, in my opinion, your MIL does have some responsibility because she raised this nasty, vindictive, entitled little madam!

Cornsyilk99 Sun 20-Jan-13 20:08:26

shock shocking behaviour
Entitled spoilt rude nasty girls

BartletForTeamGB Sun 20-Jan-13 20:20:00

I'd be sending HSIL a bill for the champagne and the sheets. Yes, she'd probably not pay for it but it would make the point.

Trazzletoes Sun 20-Jan-13 20:37:52

I would bill HSil for the bedding and champagne and any pool cleaning required. If she ignores it as no doubt she will then escalate to Mil.

I agree with Trazzletoes and Bartlet. She can split the cost with her friends and it will still have been cheaper than paying for a chalet.

conkercon Sun 20-Jan-13 20:55:55

Just awful behaviour from spoilt little brats. Yuk at vomit in the pool :-(

LessMissAbs Sun 20-Jan-13 20:59:44

I feel for your DH who not only has a selfish HSIS but has managed to surround himself with equally selfish, spoilt, entitled people in his life.

Noblesse oblige OP. Since I assume you do not work enough to afford your own ski chalet, your "job" includes being a good hostess. You went into this visit with the wrong attitude, you saw it as a nuisance, you decided you didn't like your visitors in advance, rather than using it as an opportunity to widen your social circle and perhaps do something slightly different for a short time. You honestly do come across as more of a 64 year old than a 34 year old.

None of this excuses the damage, although I doubt you had to phone your DH at work with it - can you not just deal with it calmly, it doesn't sound that horrendous, and tell him in time.

I do think the visitors sound chavvy, but theres a tiny part of me (and I'm anything but) which is almost thinking they did this to shake your world up a little bit. Yes its upsetting, but being in tears over a small party is OTT, as if is treating this mess as world-ending.

No matter how annoying your guests, you should have ensured their return visit was planned in plenty of time. Even if through gritted teeth if necessary. Your DH was very kind to do a 6 hour round trip drive to collect them on arrival when he works full-time; the least you could have done was the same.

Since you seem to be so strict in your opinions on how people should behave, perhaps update your copy of Debretts and how to deal with visitors.

I don't think you or the guests come out of this that well actually.

FryingNemo Sun 20-Jan-13 21:05:12

Are you for real, lessmissabs?

OP YANBU at all.

kasbah72 Sun 20-Jan-13 21:06:05

^are you for real??!!^
What a ridiculous post. She didn't invite these people. She had no need to 'hostess' and was told that they were coming partly to help out with very young family. Instead, these uninvited idiots trashed the house, trashed the pool, invited strange men back for a party, stole and drank hundreds of £££ worth of champagne and were unbearably rude.

Yet you think the op sounds like she is 65 years old and needs to hand out copies of Debretts???

How on earth is having uninvited guests that are 15 years younger AND LIVE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY widening your social circle???

OP, ignore. Sounds like a hideous situation and I really hope your DH can sort out the photo downloads to send to his mother.

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 21:07:46

Really littlemissabs?

1. It's ok to abuse your hostess and bring back strange people to the house

2. Ok to smoke drink expensive wine (not a quick trip to fridge to raid whatever is in there)

3. Ok to ruin bedding with no apology and explanation

4. Ok to do a 6 hour round trip in snow with small dc (let alone after the above).

Also (although besides the point) op may not be able to work if she is a trailing spouse- it isn't always that easy.

Really Les Mis?

Glad your are not in my social circle.

NutellaNutter Sun 20-Jan-13 21:12:36

Littlemissabs you are possibly the most stupid person to have ever posted on an internet forum.

diddl Sun 20-Jan-13 21:15:22

Is *littlemissabs" one of the "guests" thrust upon the OP?

Who didn´t actually want, from what I can see to visit her, but to use her place as a free base for a holiday?

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems Sun 20-Jan-13 21:16:04

YANBU OP I would expect a 20 year old to know better, perhaps her and her friends watched Chalet Girl prior to visiting you? I seem to remember the employees having a party and trashing the chalet while the owners were away

Wouldn't invite them back but then I don't like selfish, spoiled, entitled, chavy, vindictive people who are unable to tidy their own mess...

LesMiss I think the op comes out of this quite well not sure why you are implying otherwise?

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 20-Jan-13 21:16:05

Are you sure you're not one of the spoilt brats who stayed with the op littlemiss?

LessMissAbs Sun 20-Jan-13 21:16:41

Yes, I'm for real. I don't think getting hysterical about a bit of relatively minor, unpleasant damage is going to help.

Its the OP's job to host guests, and make them feel welcome. This is going to sound terribly rude, but what else does she do? Yes, raises the DCs. Very good. But she should be able to host her DH's relatives without this sort of carry on. And if it happens, she should deal with it.

I didn't like the tone of her post, where she boasted about having been gifted a ski chalet. FWIW DH and I own 4 properties between us, but I wouldn't dream of boasting about it. OP is extremely lucky to have two homes in a foreign country, and not to have to work at letting out the ski chalet to make ends meet.

Most people in the OP's position would have to let out that ski chalet to make it pay for itself at least. The OP is incredibly fortunate that she doesn't have to do this.

Yes, I am lucky in that I have a house in the country, another house in a different part of the country and two large flats in the best part of the city. But I do holiday lets with the latter two, and I deal with the mess created afterwards. Most guests are fine, but I have dealt with much, much worse than some dirty sheets and drink purloined. Such as broken dining tables, smashed coffee tables, ruined carpets, wallpaper set on fire by candles, flooded baths, smashed windows, etc. And no, their deposits don't cover it - I have to arrange for the insurance to pay up.

That is the reality for most people even in the OP's fortunate position.

Whipping up a hysterical frenzy about the awful behaviour of the guests (and its not the worst I've ever heard) isn't going to do any good, deal with it, move on and don't have them again.

QOD Sun 20-Jan-13 21:20:19

Good job you're not a boaster aye LesMis ....

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 20-Jan-13 21:20:33

I don't think the op is boasting at all. She just mentioned it, as its rather integral to the story. Are you boasting? After all you have no need to mention you have 4 houses, do you? hmm

besmirchedandbewildered Sun 20-Jan-13 21:21:27

Why is it the OP's job to host guests? It's her home.

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 20-Jan-13 21:21:37

And who gives a shiny shit if she works or not, apart from you?

FeltOverlooked Sun 20-Jan-13 21:21:38

Why is it the OP's job to host guests?

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 21:22:22

Yes people can damage rented property and behave badly. But this is family- I dont think it is hysterical to be upset about that.

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 21:23:45

Also I notice you missed the point about her not being able to work.

And I must have missed the bit about putting up with any old shit if you are a sahm.

You have insurance and have chosen to let out your properties, LessMiss - the OP will not be able to claim this on insurance, and didn't want these guests in the first place, but did it as a kindness to them - kindness that was repaid with disgusting behaviour.

Do you honestly think any of the behaviour was acceptable from guests in someone's home? Because I sure as hell don't.

ConferencePear Sun 20-Jan-13 21:27:13

LessMissAbs - they were not renting this place. They were house guests.
I don't shout about it either but I have a second house in another country and have had members of my OHs family treat me shabbily but it has always been about thoughtlessness and never antagonism.
Why let your holiday home out for rent if you don't need the money ? Frankly I can do without the aggro.
If people came and stayed in your main home just for a cheap holiday would you really think this behaviour OK ?

thegreylady Sun 20-Jan-13 21:29:04

The OP was hosting relatives in her only 'owned' home.It isnt one of 4 like your Missm it isnt a holiday let it is her permanent base-a place she can always come back to despite staying in rented accommodation through the week.
She should not have to tolerate infantile behaviour from people old enough to know better.They were very lucky she let them stay the night.

ConferencePear Sun 20-Jan-13 21:31:09

LessMissAbs - they were not renting this place. They were house guests.
I don't shout about it either but I have a second house in another country and have had members of my OHs family treat me shabbily but it has always been about thoughtlessness and never antagonism.
Why let your holiday home out for rent if you don't need the money ? Frankly I can do without the aggro.
If people came and stayed in your main home just for a cheap holiday would you really think this behaviour OK ?

LtEveDallas Sun 20-Jan-13 21:31:24

<<snorts>> at Lessmiss saying the OP is boasting grin

Inertia Sun 20-Jan-13 21:33:43

LessMiss it is the OP's own ski chalet. It was bought specifically for her and given as a birthday gift. Even if it were bought for the family, using family income from her DH's paid work, she would still have ownership rights as they are married. And her 'job' is the work she does for her family and to bring up her child- she is most certainly under no obligation to entertain, feed, transport and take abuse from a bunch of arsey young women. If they wanted to drink, smoke, and party with unknown men then they should have hired their own chalet.

EspressoMonkey - I agree that the points laid out by KungFuPanda are very well made, and that your DH should be having words with his mother and his sister over this. I'd make it absolutely clear that you will never again allow your home to be used by relatives, and that your SIL isn't welcome to visit. I'd also consider invoicing the SIL for the damage, with a copy to MIL- even if you know full well that they'll never pay it, SIL needs to understand that her actions have consequences.

And of course YWNBU to not drive them to the airport.

ConferencePear Sun 20-Jan-13 21:35:58

Oops ! Sorry about the double post.

It is not her job to host unwanted guests. Jobs are generally the exchange of services for money. Letting her HSIL and friends trash her home and upset her family with no financial return is not job. Nor is it something that any SAHM, WOHM or anyone at all should have to put up with, whether they own or rent, whether they are rich or poor.

catsmother Sun 20-Jan-13 21:40:55

Right, so if you know someone who's more fortunate than you that means you can treat them and their property with contempt ?

On that basis, it's a good job I'm housetrained or else I'd be vandalising other people's homes every time I stepped out of mine and into someone else's.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous as the implication that somehow OP bought this on herself and/or deserves what happened and/or should have expected and then accepted it.

Those nasty little bitches have no excuse for what they did.

Flatbread Sun 20-Jan-13 21:45:02

The only part I agree with the poster with 4 houses grin is her advice to move on. It is not serious enough to warrant a war with mil and saying no relatives allowed.

DH and mil need to have a serious talk with hsil about her/friends behaviour with regard to the offensive comments and especially bringing strange men into OP's home. She needs to apologise sincerely to op and do something nice for her. And then they put it behind them.

None of this nonsense about charging for sheets, champagne etc. It is just petty and exacerbates an already tense family situation.

edam Sun 20-Jan-13 21:45:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

thegreylady Sun 20-Jan-13 21:48:49

grin @ edam

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 21:49:24

Yes but Which of her places Edam?

thegreylady Sun 20-Jan-13 21:50:47

just popped back to wave excitedly to Gig smile

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 20-Jan-13 21:52:02

Nah, let's send the HSIL and her mates to one of the houses - they are professionals at this after all grin

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 21:57:56

Waves back at greylady grin

Gigondas Sun 20-Jan-13 21:58:46

Waves back at greylady grin

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 20-Jan-13 22:04:22

Staggered at the rudeness of LesMissAbs... jealousy is an ugly thing.

The ski instructors sound like nice boys, OP. I can't believe how badly the girls have behaved!!!

Wow. At 20 she is an adult, I had a mortgage at that age! Do not in any way feel bad about them making their own way to the airport. Also, do NOT let your MIL just blow it over with a hahaha so funny

difficultpickle Sun 20-Jan-13 22:27:17

I would let MIL know about the sheets, men, vomit and consumed champagne. I assume MIL and her husband fund your HSIL. If I were your MIL I would be deducting the cost out of whatever money I give to HSIL until it is paid in full. Appalling behaviour.

LessMissAbs should be finishing her homework and getting an early night assuming her school is open tomorrow.

KhallDrogo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:32:30

They sound really really awful girls. But, Im not sure that MiL can do much about it/ whether she should be apologising...they are 20 years old...presumably they don't live at home...they are adults...its not like MiL can 'tell them off'. They are responsible for themselves, as immature as they are

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 20-Jan-13 22:38:06

V unpleasant, poor you, hope MIL is sensible & this doesn't escalate to a family feud, just a stupid nasty little beep who needs to grow up. Grrrr on your behalf!

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:42:49

Lessmiss. What the fuck!

Yfronts Sun 20-Jan-13 22:53:47

You really should tell MIL/HSIL to replace the champagne and bedding plus food and petrol costs. It's only fair.

Yfronts Sun 20-Jan-13 22:54:12

Agree, also tell MIL about what you know of the evening.

Jinsei Sun 20-Jan-13 22:55:13

lessmiss shock WTF!

OP, yadnbu. I don't think your MIL should pay the bill, but she does need to know how her daughter behaved, and she should help you to get a reimbursement from HSIL.

Sadly, I don't think SIL will learn her lesson, and I doubt you'll get any money out of her, so when you've made your point, I think you'll just have to chalk it up to experience and avoid hosting any more relatives from now on!

KhallDrogo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:59:11

Tell the MiL what you know of the night? really???? Id been left home 4 years at age 20..wont MiL be a bit confused....shes not responsible for her dds behaviour at age 20!!

VictoriaPlum01 Sun 20-Jan-13 23:03:01

YADNBU. Think of it as an exciting little adventure for them to top off their week of staying in a luxury ski chalet. Ungrateful little twats angry

Inertia Sun 20-Jan-13 23:04:07

KhallDrogo but it was MIL who insisted that the OP allow these women to visit, and MIL who gave assurances about how lovely and helpful they all were.

DeepRedBetty Sun 20-Jan-13 23:06:46

KhallDrogo Mil gave hsis and her chums a glowing reference when she was hassling cajoling the OP into letting them stay, she has to take some responsibility.

Jinsei Sun 20-Jan-13 23:11:56

MIL is not responsible for her dd's behaviour and shouldn't have to foot the bill, but if I had vouched for someone's good character, I would sure as hell want to know how badly they'd let me down.

I don't think there is any need to fall out with MIL over this issue, just make it clear how disappointed you and DH are in HSIL's attitude, and let her know that you won't be hosting any more guests in future.

LaVitaBellissima Sun 20-Jan-13 23:13:51

Serves them right OP, I would definitely be sending an invoice for the bedding and champagne!

Bloody hell angry

KhallDrogo Sun 20-Jan-13 23:15:23

it doesnt say in the OP that MiL hassled or insisted that the girls use the chalet. It says she asked and OP was reluctant. Its not clear whether OP conveyed her reluctance to MiL. The comments the MiL made about the girls being lovely/doing some baby-sitting in return, just sounds like a suggestion/her opinion

MiL doesnt have to take responsibility for a 20 year old dd!! She will no doubt be embarrassed by her dd, but shes way past reprimanding age.

What age do you think people should take responsibility for their own behaviour? confused

I am curious about how they thought the we're getting back to the airport, was DH going to do it until the crisis at work and didn't the op and he discuss what would happen once he knew he was going to be unavailabe for the return to the airport?

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 20-Jan-13 23:24:44

yanbu.
they were rude, they abused your hospitality, your home, your champagne, your food, your pool. sod them. let them find their way back home.

i would make MIL very much aware of what a nightmare they were and i would make it very clear that they have caused X amount of pounds worth of damage and that they will not be welcome in your home again.

its inexcusable.

and lessmiss
the OP s job was not to play hostess - it was a favour. a freebie holiday, and they abused the situation. OP isnt running a holiday let - this is her home and she has a right to have it respected by non paying guests.

i would be beyond livid.

Lessmis you are surely having a laugh! I wouldn't treat a place I was paying to stay in like this, never mind the family home of someone who was kindly letting me stay in for nothing!

They are rude entitled bitches and while I totally agree that mil is not responsible for the behaviour of her adult dd she deserves to know about the behaviour of people she is vouching for so that she knows they don't deserve this next time.

I'd be sending a bill for the damage, champagne and cleaning (expecting that it would not be paid) as well as a detailed description as to why their behaviours was totally unacceptable. Then I'd draw a line under it and move on, but I'd never again let anyone stay who wasn't someone I had invited myself.

QueenStromba Sun 20-Jan-13 23:36:12

I agree with others, if the OP has a job then it's to look after the DCs, not the adult half sister of her DH who he barely knows plus her mates. I really can't believe LessMissAbs attitude - the OP clearly stated that she misses her old life and is only in her current situation for her DH's sake, she obviously wasn't intending to be a kept woman.

Lavenderhoney Mon 21-Jan-13 05:24:00

It was the ops home. It was wrecked by guests she didnt really want and allowed to stay as they are extended family. It's not a holiday let! And even if it was, treating people property like this is awful, even if you are paying!

I agree mil shouldn't have to pay- though she might offer- but certainly if I had said people were ok I would have wanted all the details if they let me down.

At least your mil will not be able to browbeat you in the future op and get you to do stuff you would rather not.

Those poor young men- still its a lesson for them too. Pop stars! How idiotic.

FellatioNels0n Mon 21-Jan-13 05:35:57

Oh my god. You are SOOOOO NBU. I really feel for you. You should have just said no in the first place, but I realise it can sound petty and mean. I think you should tell your MIL exactly what has happened and how upset you were, and next time just remember that it is your home and not a free hotel for ungrateful spoilt twats. I hope to god they spent their last day cleaning up, buying your flowers and apologising profusely.

KhallDrogo Mon 21-Jan-13 06:36:02

I'm confused as to how they thought it was ok/they'd get away with it...bringing the guys back I mean. Did they think you wouldn't wake up??? confused

Gigondas Mon 21-Jan-13 07:44:06

I suspect they didn't think for a minute about op .

Agree that mil should know all that went on and extent of damage - askin hsil for money is an option. But I think won't get anything .i don't think you should not do it "as it will create friction" as that boat has already sailed.

riverboat Mon 21-Jan-13 07:46:49

Chuckling quietly on the train re: "I wouldn't dream of boasting" followed by "Yes I own two flats in the best part of the city..."

BikeRunSki Mon 21-Jan-13 08:02:27

What awful girls. I am sitting o. my sofa cuddling 15 month old DD swearing that she'll never be like that.

That is no way to treat a chalet - privately owned or otherwise.

As for getting to the airport, they are 20 not 12.

YANBU at all.

Lueji Mon 21-Jan-13 08:07:46

Lessmissabs can only possibly be one of the girls in question.

Or she is equally rude with her hosts.

Poor them.

ZillionChocolate Mon 21-Jan-13 08:33:44

If they thought about the OP they certainly didn't care.

LadyMargolotta Mon 21-Jan-13 08:46:41

LessMissAbs - you have four properties between you and your dh? So if visitors trash one, you are three others to go to? Does that make it right?

EspressoMonkey Mon 21-Jan-13 08:50:15

Am back. Never expected the thread to have so much movement overnight.

LessMiss you have made quite a few unjust assumptions, they are mostly incorrect but think what you like.

To all: the thread was not meant to be boastful, i was just trying to explain that the chalet is not just a chalet that we rent out as a lot of chalet owenrs do. It is my home and being a gift from DH it also has great sentimental value to me.

The original plan to get the girls to the airport was for DH, DCs, the girls and myself to drive back to our house in the city and then drop the girls off at a train station leaving them 70 min train ride direct to the airport. I do not feel comfortable driving the minibus especially in heavy snow, 83cms at last count. DH not returning on time left me with no plan. Up until Saturday afternoon i was expecting DH to be back by saturday night.

No word from MIL so just sent her and email asking whether HSIL had returned safely and asking for HSIL's email address (so far all correspondance with HSIL has been through MIL) as i have discovered further damage which i wanted to discuss with her.

Awaiting a reply.

Loquace Mon 21-Jan-13 09:00:37

asking for HSIL's email address (so far all correspondance with HSIL has been through MIL) as i have discovered further damage which i wanted to discuss with her.

I would be tempted to Bcc MIL on all your emails to HSIL ....and make sure her replies also found their way to her mum.

Loquace Mon 21-Jan-13 09:03:06

and you didn't come accross as boastful at all. The info was given so as not to leave an info gap in terms of assessing the scenario.

KhallDrogo Mon 21-Jan-13 09:03:58

Has she got learning difficulties? Why has all correspondence been through her mother?

Groovee Mon 21-Jan-13 09:06:02

I think LessMiss was boasting. 4 homes, some people struggle to afford one!

Be interesting to see what MIL says about it all. When does dh get home?

JenaiMorris Mon 21-Jan-13 09:07:07

Slightly off topic and hardly an essential life skill, but uploading photos really isn't difficult. I'm extrapolating, but are you reliant on your dh for other similar things?

You need to learn! I've taught my complete tech novice mil, who is in her 70s and can't even type; it took half an hour tops.

Gigondas Mon 21-Jan-13 09:11:12

More damage!!? Poor you op.

DuchessFanny Mon 21-Jan-13 09:17:22

Oh OP ignore the boastful poster with her several properties ( did she mention TWO she had in the BEST part of the city grin !)

She's also wrong on the SAHM hosting front , like you we live abroad, we rent a house, but own one ( rent that out ) in the UK . but I have very much made our rental house here a home. I don't work and so am free to 'host' the many friends and relatives who come to stay ... Difference is, they behave like guests. They are polite, help make dinner, we do things together ! No one has every turned up for a free holiday, ignored me and the kids and trashed the place !

Good luck with the MIL and her horrible daughter !

Xx

LoopsInHoops Mon 21-Jan-13 09:17:48

Crikey, what a nightmare! Awful girl, and a massive fantasist too - I wonder if she's friends with LessMiss?

OhTheConfusion Mon 21-Jan-13 09:20:38

Guests who respect your home and damage something by accident would come to you, apologise and offer a replacement (which I would refuse, but be happy they offered). Your guests were not respectful by any stretch of the imaginaton.

EspressoMonkey Mon 21-Jan-13 09:21:46

Gigondas more damage was the vomit and 3x stolen champagne bottles in the pool.

HSIL is treated like a baby, not a 20 year old. That always bugs DH as he left home at 16 and has not relied on MIL for anything since. We always send HSIL Christmas cards and presents, birthday cards and presents but she never send something from herself rather MIL just writes HSIL's name on the bottom of her cards and presents.

Regarding uploading photos, i know i am terrible. I took them on my camera which needs to be attached to the computer to upload them. In my defence i have only had the camera since 25th Dec but do need to learn how to do it all myself. DH is a high tec wizz, i shamefully leave it all up to him to take care of blush

KhallDrogo Mon 21-Jan-13 09:26:45

She needs a sharp spell in a fast food restaurant!

I just can't fathom that you would go and stay with someone but not communicate with them first!

BegoniaBampot Mon 21-Jan-13 09:30:57

they sound awful. we hosted 4 young ladies for a week while on their big round the world trip. had never met them (husbsnds friends sister). they were lovely and no problem at all.there is no excuse for these young madams bad behaviour.

Lavenderhoney Mon 21-Jan-13 09:35:18

Expresso, don't worry about tech skillssmile

Can't believe you are sending presents and cards to this person over the years, with no thanks. Time to stop - did she ever send anything to you for your dc? I think she relies on mil to do it and does not consider herself a family member in her own right. This is especially the case if she did not even email you before to say thanks and arrive with a gift for you and the children. That would have been a red flag for me at once. How rude!

This 20 year old doesn't sound like she has worked and had any responsibility. I would take a step back after this is over and let her and mil get on with it. Although a stint as a waitress paying for her own keep and luxuries for a year might help, without any handouts and free holidays.

EspressoMonkey Mon 21-Jan-13 09:43:22

Lavenderhoney no she has never sent anything herself to the DCs. MIL justifies it is because she is a poor student. Of course DH never had the opportunity to be a poor student but that is another matter.

Gigondas Mon 21-Jan-13 09:47:00

Ah I see op. that is poor of her- my dsc are similar age but always we get a card or little gift for my dc.

Also they can be thoughtless and lazy at times but never abusive or damaging .

bluecarrot Mon 21-Jan-13 09:54:16

How much will all the damage realistically cost to put right OP?

TeWiSavesTheDay Mon 21-Jan-13 09:54:22

Espresso my SIL is the same about gift etc. She turned 21 this year so we got her some champagne and that is the last we'll be getting her unless we'll be seeing her on the day.

orchidee Mon 21-Jan-13 10:18:42

Espresso
That is awful. You've no reason to explain why the chalet is important to you or why you didn't drive these people anywhere.

Re: MIL. You and your husband know her weak spots so go fir them. I'd imagine things that are important to her include-
General manners / being a good guest
Caring for property and possessions
Protecting her grandchildren from unknown men entering their home in the muddle if the night
Protecting her daughter's virtue from unknown men who she picks up in a bar entering her in the middle of the night.

Choose your weapon and use it efficiently.

SpicyPear Mon 21-Jan-13 10:50:24

Espresso for what it's worth I don't think you sounded boastful and, judging by previous threads, others didn't either as they certainly would have picked you up on it. I hate this attitude that if you are wealthy or fortunate you should therefore put up with shit from others. I don't have the things you have, but I certainly don't resent you for having it or think you should therefore have to open any of your homes to mistreatment by others. I don't see that it makes any difference whether it is your chalet with pool etc or a two bed council flat - it's your home.

MrsKoala Mon 21-Jan-13 11:05:48

op you sound lovely, as does your home.

kungfu said everything i think (only better!).

i just wanted to say i am furious on your behalf (i haven't been this angry since the thread about a dp's mate leaving vomit all over the dc's bedroom then saying the op was boring) angry

EldritchCleavage Mon 21-Jan-13 11:15:42

FWIW DH and I own 4 properties between us, but I wouldn't dream of boasting about it

Epic Fail!

OP, I don't think, despite the way your MIL mollycoddles her, you can treat MIL as responsible for HSIL. It looks as though to HSIL, your DH is just a distant figure to whom she happens to be related, and the relationship is not important to her. To which you can only reply, 'Ok, that suits us fine' and act accordingly.

orchidee Mon 21-Jan-13 11:26:33

Koala I remember that thread. Iirc it looked like the vomiter's dad would pay.

JenaiMorris Mon 21-Jan-13 12:57:38

grin Espresso - my dp leaves me to do all the tech stuff because I'm apprently "so good at that kind of thing". Drives me nuts, although it's nice to feel wanted (and I'd rather rather fiddle about with computers than mow the lawn wink )

Astelia Mon 21-Jan-13 12:58:36

bluecarrot it is the cost of lots of new bedding, three bottles of decent champagne and possibly getting the pool emptied, cleaned and refilled.

I wouldn't want my DCs to be swimming in recycled vomit mixed with disinfectant and would want the pool cleaning thoroughly.

EspressoMonkey Mon 21-Jan-13 13:02:43

OMG MIL has just telehoned.

It was a short call, she said, as she was phoning abroad, but in brief she said...

- HSIL returned home safely
- the make up on the bedding was an accident, the girl who swore at me (lets call her Friend X from now on) apparently dropped her make up bag whilst packing in a haste and spilled some make up onto the bed.
- HSIL is very distressed, she has fallen out with her friends over the ending of the holiday. Friend X has been very mean to her. MIL is very worried about poor HSIL.
- apparently Friend X is known to be a trouble maker, a bully and a nasty, spoilt girl
- i asked for HSIL's email address, MIL told me she would forward it onto me but not got it yet.

End of conversation.

My thoughts are...

- there is no way that a make up bag dropped onto a soft bed would cause the mascara, blusher, bronzer and concealer to smash open and smear all over the bed. No signs of broken make up packaging in the bin BTW.
- Friend X was a lovely girl. But now she is a bully, trouble maker and nasty piece of work and has been all along??? hmm

I give up. Am handing the whole drama over to DH when he returns tonight. Am not going to fight MIL over this one. Really don't care anymore.

Oh and whilst tidying and cleaning the girls' room this morning i found another empty bottle of champagne leaving total tally of stolen alcohol at 4 x bottles of champagne, estimated cost £316.

EugenesAxe Mon 21-Jan-13 13:03:54

YANBU. But on the plus side, someone posted recently saying White Company bedsheets were awful and wore through very quickly, so you probably haven't lost as much as you imagined there.

I am angry about your champagne. The little shits! I cannot believe how awful a lot of young people are these days.

Gigondas Mon 21-Jan-13 13:07:42

I assume friend x wasn't the one who called you an old hag etc.

And sounds like a crock of shit from mil. Hsil fed up as got caught out , had to find own way back- not sorry for her behaviour. And agree that broken make up is a localised splodge - not all over the bed.

Gigondas Mon 21-Jan-13 13:11:41

Sorry re read and saw she was-agree with your logic.

orchidee Mon 21-Jan-13 13:22:00

Oh yes, it was hsil's friend's fault. Of course hsil is perfectly behaved. Shame they didn't realise friend x was like this before assuring you they'd all help out etc. Oh wait...

diddl Mon 21-Jan-13 13:22:55

So the one who was nasty to you accidentally dropped/spilled make up.

What a most unfortunate coincidencehmm

I did think that SIL might not know if they were not in the same room.

Think she needs to choose her friends more wisely.

Well I think I´d leave it now that you´ve said your piece.

And obviously no more guest who aren´t of your choosing!

I suppose your husband might not do much as you have already dealt with it.

orchidee Mon 21-Jan-13 13:23:22

And I agree, let your husband deal with it from now. But ensure it doesn't get swept under the carpet in this new concern for poor hsil.

LessMissAbs Mon 21-Jan-13 13:25:49

Orchidee "That is awful. You've no reason to explain why the chalet is important to you or why you didn't drive these people anywhere."

So why mention it? As for my mentioning that I have 4 propeties, its just a fact. I paid for half of them, my property. I just cannot be bothered with this attitude that its somehow "superior" for women to be given something than pay for it themselves and this "perfect princessy" attitude. Unless of couse the OP doesn't actually own the property properly, her name isn't solely on the title deeds and she realises she has no control over who comes and stays at "her" propety.

I am not for one moment suggesting that the behaviour of these guests was anything but appalling, but it sounds like nothing was actually broken and the damage can be dealt with quite easily. Am also puzzled as to why the OP cannot deal with things like this happening in "her own ski chalet" without phoning her DH at work. Its hardly an emergency that cannot wait until evening.

The OP also has another rented property in the country she lives in, plus a house back home. Even if she doesn't need the money, it seems incredibly wasteful to have 3 homes and not do much with them never mind resent guests coming to stay . Whether or not you need the money, I was brought up to work hard for what I have and to maximise my assets and make them work for me. If the OP doesn't want the money, she can always donate it to charity. I know quite a few people as fortunate as the OP in terms of owning large properties abroad and having wealthy husbands and not having to work for a living, but I have never heard of one boasting about being given things by their DHs (most would be too embarrassed/well educated to think it something worth boasting about).

We've all had awful guests at times. I think the OP went into this with the wrong attitude and she was unlucky that the guests became so riled by her that they probably did this quite deliberately, knowing that they wouldn't be invited back.

As for the sheep on whose bandwagon I haven't jumped, I'm kind of loving your suggestiong of coming round to one of my properties to vandalise it (good luck with that one) while condemning the relatives for making a mess on White Company sheets (which are a cliche in themselves).

what a bunch of spiteful, spoiled brats! I would send an invoice to HSIL for ALL the damage, with a copy to your MIL and let it be known that she nor HSIL will ever be welcome in your HOME again.

I am beyond livid that this has happened to you and I know it isnt the price of the bedding, or the Champagne but the fucking principle that they trashed/stole from a family member without an apology or anything.

I think your DH should have a long, candid chat with his mother about what his sister and her friends did to your home/pool etc and that sil wasnt coerced into anything by her friends.

Bogeyface Mon 21-Jan-13 13:31:55

Be sure that your DH tells her that you have it from the horses mouth that your the Hsis invited men back, told them lots of lies and stole your alcohol and that at no point was she bullied or coerced.

Gigondas Mon 21-Jan-13 13:32:38

Er where did you get the bit about superior princessy attitude about being given property? That projection alongside the comments about op's job and use of wealth says more about you than her.

And the joke comments about your homes were a response to your post about op being unreasonable about damage to sheets. Personally I agree white company isn't great- but op doesn't and was rightly upset when sheets were damaged.

For the sake of family unity (ie not falling out with MIL), it may be simpler to go along with her idea of things that HSIL was led astray by friend X. I'm sure that either MIL knows this is bullshit & wants to keep up appearances, or she will never be convinced that HSIL could behave in that way. Either way, I don't think trying to convince her how badly HSIL behaved is worth it - she either knows its true already, or will never believe it despite a mountain of evidence.

QueenStromba Mon 21-Jan-13 13:37:10

I'm finding LessMissAbs' attitude very strange given she was on here a couple of weeks ago complaining about her lodger!

LessMissAbs Mon 21-Jan-13 13:40:29

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LittleChimneyDroppings Mon 21-Jan-13 13:41:07

Lesmis, so what if she doesn't rent her house out? I presume that would be because she uses it most weekends. And even if she chose not to use it much, or rent it out, it doesn't give guests the right to damage it. That chip on your shoulder must be seriously heavy, watch you dont put your back out with it.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 21-Jan-13 13:41:36

Less. Considering your massive post and weird perspective on parts of this which aren't even relevant like who owns what house and what they do with it, i can only assume that you have massive issues.

pluCaChange Mon 21-Jan-13 13:42:49

*- there is no way that a make up bag dropped onto a soft bed would cause the mascara, blusher, bronzer and concealer to smash open and smear all over the bed. No signs of broken make up packaging in the bin BTW.
- Friend X was a lovely girl. But now she is a bully, trouble maker and nasty piece of work and has been all along???*

Good reasoning.

The only thing I would soft pedal now is the champagne, if all of it was gifts, as you indicated for earlier bottles. Is that the reason you actually had so much of it around? Could you see your way to being a bit more "easy come, easy go" about that, or was it just that Christmas has just been, and you would have got though the supply in time?

In any case, you';re not going to get that money back, and to avoid the frustration of asking-and-not-getting, or not-asking-because-you're-not-going-to-get, frame it as "we are out of pocket for £___", or "they drank £__ worth of champagne and smeared makeup on £_ of sheets - yes, pillowcases, sheets, duvet... so little left uncovered that it simply can't have been an accident."

That allows you to assert damage without their being able to piss you off again by refusing to pay, as they will!

gordyslovesheep Mon 21-Jan-13 13:43:37

wow the envy is palpable

anyway OP I hope your DH can get some money out of them for the theft and damage - what vile little brats they where x

Hissy Mon 21-Jan-13 13:45:07

OOOh! How posh is she?

The Sheep on LesMis planet have BANDWAGONS!

Wind it in eh love, all that frothing, and you'll let your class show...

Inertia Mon 21-Jan-13 13:45:46

Frankly it's not surprising that your SIL is the spoilt brat that she is, given how your MIL makes excuses for her.

I wouldn't be buying any birthday presents or Christmas presents for her for a while.

TheCraicDealer Mon 21-Jan-13 13:48:19

I am not for one moment suggesting that the behaviour of these guests was anything but appalling, but it sounds like nothing was actually broken and the damage can be dealt with quite easily.
So as long as nothing gets broken getting your home treated like a doss house is alright? We'll ignore the £300 of champagne taken, the vomit in the pool and the ruined sheets then, shall we?

I think the OP went into this with the wrong attitude and she was unlucky that the guests became so riled by her that they probably did this quite deliberately, knowing that they wouldn't be invited back.
There's a bit of a difference between thinking "Oh I'll never be invited back so I won't bother cleaning, etc." to thinking that it's appropriate to bring back two strange men to someone's family home after a boozy night on the town.

Whether or not you need the money, I was brought up to work hard for what I have and to maximise my assets and make them work for me.
Thanks for the advice, Martin Lewis. For what it's worth, I think the OP is speaking to her DH so much is because it is a delicate situation regarding his family rather than her being incapable of making decisions on her own.

I am beyond livid that this has happened to you and I know it isnt the price of the bedding, or the Champagne but the fucking principle that they trashed/stole from a family member without an apology or anything.

^This

diddl Mon 21-Jan-13 13:50:45

OP doesn´t own multiple homes does she?

From what I can gather she owns a ski chalet & the house that they live in is rented.

Where was a minibus mentioned??

If there were only 4 girls, they would all fit in a car, wouldn´t they??

Inertia Mon 21-Jan-13 13:45:46

>>>> I wouldn't be buying any birthday presents or Christmas presents for her for a while. <<<<

Yeah, OP. Ideal excuse not to buy for her. Tell her to make it easier for her you'll just not buy her presents until the value of what you would have spent has paid off her debts. Should only take 20 years or so, so no more presents for her, ever. grin

JoanByers Mon 21-Jan-13 13:57:02

So much drama.

I would take the following action:

Bill HSIL for new sheets, champagne, cleaning - about £500 in all?

If she doesn't pay, sue her on MCOL: https://www.moneyclaim.gov.uk/web/mcol/welcome

Job done.

Pagwatch Mon 21-Jan-13 13:57:27

"FWIW DH and I own 4 properties between us, but I wouldn't dream of boasting about it"

You seem to be finding it easier and easier to mention it.

I am sure there are others on this thread with more than one home who actually don't feel the need to mention it as errr...it isn't the slightest bit relevant.

TheCraicDealer Mon 21-Jan-13 14:00:14
LtEveDallas Mon 21-Jan-13 14:00:44

Just stick the cable that came with you new phone into your computer's USB port, it will install its own software and download the photos of the damage itself

Actually, that depends on the camera. Our Kodak was plug and play, but our new Nikon required us to download 1 piece of software from the supplied CD and another from the website - so no need for your sarcasm, you could be wrong.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 21-Jan-13 14:01:48

I'd just like to say to the OP that I am more than a teeny bit in love with your DH. Thoughtful, hardworking, stinking rich. Please tell me he's as sugly as sin. Please ;)

LessMissAbs - can you just stop boasting? You are actually not adding anything useful to the thread.

BiscuitMillionaire Mon 21-Jan-13 14:05:39

If MIL and HSIS are trying to blame it all on the nasty friend, then remember that HSIS must have gone along with inviting the men into your home late at night without your permission. She can't wriggle out of that one.

atosilis Mon 21-Jan-13 14:12:49

I am feeling everso slightly sorry for the HSIL as I know people like X. They can stir up the most trouble, leader of the pack, centre of the universe - and then get away the carnage scot-free. They have a Teflon shield. I bet the WHOLE journey back X will have been blaming HSIL for the long journey and a crabby Hostess (which you are NOT). I'll also bet that she is cross that she was interupted from a potential 'ski-instructor shag'.

You were very lucky that the blokes who came back were very nice.

Ask MIL how she would have reacted if you'd had to tell her that HSIL had been sexually assaulted in your house? She would go mad at you and your husband for not looking after her. Does she bring random blokes back to their home?

I'm giving that example because of the X I knew.

Angelico Mon 21-Jan-13 14:13:03

grin at craicdealer

OP glad you at least got your version of events across.

And Lessmiss you do sound slightly mad. What business is it of yours what other people do with their properties? The fact you are jealous and bitter don't like the OP's lifestyle choices does NOT mean her guests have not behaved horrendously. They have and she's entitled to feel angry. Whether you're rich or poor, nobody likes being shat upon.

Chubfuddler Mon 21-Jan-13 14:14:15

Abs whether the op is a pampered princess failing to maximise her assets or not is completely irrelevant. She didn't ask for an appraisal of her finances. She asked if she was reasonable to be so pissed off. She was.

And if you think it's all a crock of shit either ignore or report.

Angelico Mon 21-Jan-13 14:15:56

lol bit

Atos I do actually understand a morsel of sympathy for SIL - but hopefully she will learn the valuable lesson to avoid egocentric twats like friend X - if the unfortunate X is the real culprit.

atosilis Mon 21-Jan-13 14:16:48

interrupted

diddl Mon 21-Jan-13 14:19:00

But X was nice before she got SIL into trouble, wasn´t she??confused

The MIL did actually vouch for this other girl.

Disclaimer:
I dont own 4 properties, I have never drunk £350 worth of champagne, let alone seen bottles worth that much. This does not mean I am in any way biased in my responses. It is beyond the scope. HSIL has behaved appallingly, and how many of OPs homes she has the potential of mistreating, is beside the point.

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 14:28:23

Less I can also boast.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. I have a house with no mortgage and it has two garages

You picked unnecessarily at minor aspects of the OP's initial post which were not connected to the purpose of it all. They were just useful background so we knew what she was talking abut. If my DH gave me a gift, whether it were a Swiss chalet or a bracelet or a daily newspaper, I would hate it if someone else spoiled it.

atosilis Mon 21-Jan-13 14:30:10

MIL might never had met this girl. HSIL is hardly likely to say, "I want to bring X who is a fucking loon by the way". I bet MIL is worried now that her daughter has got someone in her social circle who is dangerous.

<tangent> I wouldn't let our middle daughter go away to Newquay after GCSEs as one of her friends was an XXX. Youngest daughter went to Newquay as I really trusted her group of friends. Middle daughter still brings up the unfairness but understands it now. She still went away but not with Senorita Trubbelmaca </tangent>

Eskino Mon 21-Jan-13 14:32:14

How old? I think your MIL has to take responsibility for these kids (?) horrible childish behaviour, LAladys idea to take photo evidence and let your MIL know all about it is a good one.

YANBU by the way. It'll do them good to have to find their own way home.

Bogeyface Mon 21-Jan-13 14:32:23

While I think that the OP is NBU, I have to admit that I find the mentioning of the cost of things to be slightly distasteful.

It doesnt matter if they were White Company sheets or Home Bargain sheets. It doesnt matter that it is a ski chalet that was a birthday present ( hmm ) or a holiday chalet in Skeggy. It doesnt matter if it was £300 + worth of champagne or £20 worth of Asda Pinot Grigio. It doesnt matter that she puked in the pool or in the kitchen sink.

She and her friends treated the place like shit and that is totally unacceptable. However insisting on informing everyone of what everything cost is unnecessary and vulgar!

EldritchCleavage Mon 21-Jan-13 14:32:32

Weirdy projection victim-blaming from Less.

OP, I do hope you won't be extending any invitations or help to HSIL in the near future. If it were friend X who was the problem and HSIL hadn't want things to turn out like this, you'd have heard from HSIL by now with some kind of admission or apology. But no.

BlueberryHill Mon 21-Jan-13 14:33:05

"HSIL is very distressed, she has fallen out with her friends over the ending of the holiday. Friend X has been very mean to her. MIL is very worried about poor HSIL"

OP, So it HSIL blaming you for how the holiday ended? God she has done a good number on your MIL.

I agree with all the other posters (bar one), they abused your hospitality and have behaved appalling. On the upside though, you no longer need to buy her Christmas and Birthday presents, just vouchers for champagne which has she has already drunk and she is soooo going to kick herself in the future when she wants to go snowboarding again. Chalets with pools in great skiing areas don't come cheap.

LesMis, I'm a bit confused, which of your four properties are you sharing?

myfirstkitchen Mon 21-Jan-13 14:33:58

Hsil is pathetic. At least admit what she's done an apologise/make amends in the cold light of day instead of whining that it wasn't her.

Mil and hsis in law obvious say goodbye to their free holidays.

Champagne needs to be paid for. As does pool cleaning.

And the other poster on here lesmis something is either enjoying trying to wind people up or isn't enjoying it but doing it anyway because they're an oddball.

EspressoMonkey Mon 21-Jan-13 14:38:55

LessMiss yet again you are making wrong assumptions about me.

How many properties i own is non of your business and what i do with them is also non of your business. But for what it is worth, yes i do have the title deeds to the chalet otherwise it would not be a present, would it. And speculating that i don't rent out my house in London, because it suits your cause, is incorrect too.

Perfect Princessy attitude? What is this? I can assure you i am not Royalty.

As for not phoning my DH whilst he is at work on a Sunday; yet again you are assuming he is available to talk to in the evening. Which he isn't as he is working in a different continent and different time zone. I call him when it suits him and suits me. Not when it suits you.

I have never suggested it is superior for a woman to be given something rather than pay for it herself. Again, you are wrongfully assuming DH is the one who earns all the money.

As for suggesting i am wasteful and should think about maximising my assets more to give to charity; why mention that? You have no idea now wasteful or resourceful i am and have no idea what i do for charity. Both points have nothing to do with the post so why bring them up? Because you are assuming i could do more for charity and am wasteful because it suits you to think like that?

LessMissAbs Mon 21-Jan-13 14:38:55

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

PessaryPam Mon 21-Jan-13 14:41:54

Of course LessMissAbs has all these properties. That's why she has to share her flat with a housemate. I suppose that's the joy of the internet, you can pretend to be who you please. The jealousy of the OP is quite pathetic though.

ApocalypseThen Mon 21-Jan-13 14:42:05

Still, at least SIL hasn't given a version of events wildly contrary to what happened. She's admitted the abuse and damage happened. I sincerely doubt anyone will be shocked if you never allow her to cross your threshold again.

Flossiechops Mon 21-Jan-13 14:51:07

What bogeyface said. Spot on!

SpicyPear Mon 21-Jan-13 14:55:43

lessmiss if you really had to troll hunt, you could have just come on with a witty one liner about hairy hands, rather than derail the entire thread.

atosilis Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:11

My brother has a ski chalet. He says 'ski chalet'. Christ - and he's got a minibus to get through the snow. When we went to stay with him, he took time off work to spend with us.

Not sure of how many guests he had over Christmas, I'll ask and get back to you.

orchidee Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:20

*LessMissAbs Mon 21-Jan-13 13:25:49
Orchidee "That is awful. You've no reason to explain why the chalet is important to you or why you didn't drive these people anywhere."

So why mention it? As for my mentioning that I have 4 propeties, its just a fact. I paid for half of them, my property. I just cannot be bothered with this attitude that its somehow "superior" for women to be given something than pay for it themselves and this "perfect princessy" attitude. Unless of couse the OP doesn't actually own the property properly, her name isn't solely on the title deeds and she realises she has no control over who comes and stays at "her" propety.*

I've no idea why you thought that comment was relevant to you. Each of my posts before this one has been in response to something the OP wrote. Show me where you think I commented about anything you wrote. I haven't mentioned your posts.

wellcoveredsparerib Mon 21-Jan-13 14:58:17

Not sure if I qualify to post on this thread because I only have one house (and that is mortaged) , I get my sheets from tk maxx and any occasional fizzy wine from Aldi (£6.99 prosecco is very nice!) but if I am allowed...

OP, I think you were v restrained in the face of bratish behaviour and I agree that you should now let your dh deal. I would be more gutted about sheet damage if they were White company too.

LessMissAbs Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:25

Yep Pessary Pam you're right. Thats what real people with real properties do. We have mortgages, we make them pay their way, we maximise tax advantages, whether thats buying another property on another mortgage rather than paying off the mortgage on one, maximising the rent-a-room allowance (and also ensuring someone is in the property when I'm not there for security), and so on. Thats the way things generally work. Call us mean if you like, but almost everyone I know who owns multiple properties does much the same. Ski chalets are an absolute goldmine for renting out, though they do cost several million to buy in the first place.

So this ski chalet, it must be pretty big to have come with a minibus for guests, hence you would think OP would have Help to come in and clean/look after the place when you're not there and help you clear all that snow away blocking in your vehicles. Which Help you could have used to help deal with the mess made by your nasty guests.

As they say in the continent I live in, "Aye, right".

DeafLeopard Mon 21-Jan-13 14:59:27

Forgive me OP for speaking on your part, but I believe the relevance of being bought the ski chalet, was to make the point that, even though they may not live there full time, the OP is attached to it, and treats it with the same love and fondness that we would all have for our own home, it is not a holiday let.

Not that it is ok to wilfully ruin bedding, vomit in a pool and steal champagne in a holiday let.

Cosmosim Mon 21-Jan-13 15:01:30

LessMiss, quite a shit post given your bizarre lodge story on here not so while ago. Wonder how you would've felt if other posters (very easily) ripped your posts' inconsistencies apart. Glass houses and all that.

PessaryPam Mon 21-Jan-13 15:02:16

Of course LessMissAbs, I really believe you grin

Of course it is big! It has a pool in the basement that the OP had not noticed and (would not have mentioned because some skiing instructors told her) somebody had made a mess in it!

Stubbed56 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:06:26

Actually, OP, you are doing / have been doing the right thing.

But why not get HSis phone number, call her, and explain that her behaviour reduced you to tears and that you are very upset. When I was 20 (but that I would EVER have behaved like that, even in the presence of a trouble making friend) I would have been distraught at the thought I'd upset a relative. She would probably apologise and you could both move on?

EspressoMonkey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:09:13

DeafLeopard spot on. It is not a holiday let, it has an enormous amount of sentimental value attached to it and though is not my full time home i view it as such.

3littlerabbits Mon 21-Jan-13 15:09:57

Sorry they trashed your place. Totally not on.

Is there a slight possibility that you have been a bit off and grumpy with them and maybe let them know they werent welcome from the start which got their backs up? No justification obviously, just I know I hve been like this before and its not great blush

EldritchCleavage Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:15

Time to ignore the strange derailer.

edam Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:08

Ooh, I got deleted! And all for backing up lessmiss and suggesting we all take advantage of her very reasonable opinions and go round and have a party at her place... <whistles>

Seems someone can dish out bizarre advice but not take it...

LessMissAbs Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:02

Edam - I'm sure you could show those pesky nasty guests a thing or two about bad behaviour! Shall we set up a nice welcoming party?

Absy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:01

Woah, thread got derailed into some weirdness over there.

It seems MIL is being willfully blind about HSIL (I'm guessing) blaming bad behaviour on friend, refusing to consider that HSIL might be responsible for it.

And anyway, surely it's up to the OP whether or not she wants to let this gift out? Maybe it would be more hassle than it's worth (administration, finding people to rent it, managing people coming and going, the place being cleaned and look after) to rent it out, hence not. But anyway, unless you're paying for it, I don't see why it would offend someone, a stranger off the internet, so deeply.

EspressoMonkey Mon 21-Jan-13 15:19:48

3littlerabbits had a thought about your last point. No i think i was actually very nice. On the night they arrived (1am) i was asleep and so couldn't greet them but left a buffet of food and bottle of wine out for them to help themselves to with a note telling them to help themselves to a drink from the fridge and asking them what time they wanted to be woken in the morning so i could escort them to the snowboard hire shop. I was friendly and chatty but half the time they seemed to be ignoring what i was saying and talking amongst themselves and glued to their iphones. By day 4 i was starting to get a little peeved but was restrained until the Saturday night (day 7).

HyvaPaiva Mon 21-Jan-13 15:23:34

LessMiss, is having a housemate in the house you do not own and only lease is 'making the assets work' for you? Further, without boasting, why do you live in a rental when you own an extensive portfolio of properties in the city? grin Shut up and leave the OP alone.

3littlerabbits Mon 21-Jan-13 15:26:18

Ok sounds like you did your best then. Hope you get it sorted out ok with your inlaws.

CheeseandPickledOnion Mon 21-Jan-13 15:29:39

YANBU. Rude and vile girls. I hope someone takes the time to bring HSIL up on her behaviour.

I suppose if you left them a bottle of wine for their 1 am arrival (however kind that was), the tone was set?

DontmindifIdo Mon 21-Jan-13 15:37:31

But LesMiss - I think you are focussing on the fact that the family house in question is a ski chalet - but it's actually as close to a family home as the OP has, they spend their weekends there, they dont rent it out and don't have regular guests, so why would you assume they have staff like it was a rented out chalet?? Most people in the UK who have holiday homes don't pay for staff. At best you might get someone popping in once a week to clean but a lot don't.

I can see if you rent one property near your DH's work then the 'second home' that you own would have more emotional investment than the rental place you don't own and probably wont stay in for a long time. Les Miss - would you feel the same if the HSIL had trashed their main rented house?

And I might have missed it, but have you said why you think a stay at home mum's job is to host guests? You do get that most people who are SAHP don't reguarly have guests. Your family might work like that, your DH might consider it to be "your job" to play the hostess, but very few SAHMs have regular house guests and host people. Also, in your case, why on earth would you invite someone into your home who broke your dining table and didn't replace it for you? I can't fathem why anyone would think that because they aren't poor any old hanger on has a right to trash their stuff as 'payback' for being 'lucky'.

Flatbread Mon 21-Jan-13 15:55:23

Op, I think this is what I would do in your place.

I would wait for a week. And then write an email to hsil, cc'ing mil.

Tell her you were hurt and disappointed in their behaviour, especially compromising your security by getting strange men in late at night and then calling you names when you asked the men to leave.

Mention the damage on the sheets and the vomit in the pool,but say you will take care of it.

But then, say you are very disappointed on her brother's behalf that the girls drank four bottles of champagne that DH had bought and cellared for a special occasion.

You think it would be a nice gesture if the girls could get half a crate of the same champagne for dh, as a replacement and a gesture to say that they were sorry that they raided his wine cellar without asking.

MarinaIvy Mon 21-Jan-13 16:16:07

First off, YANBU. And it never even occurred to me that you were boasting or (despite my experience of Mumsnet) that somebody would think of you boasting until LessMiss got on that rant.

BTW, she isn't terribly wrong about the horror and injustice of empty properties when people go homeless, but I'm sure that's not why she brought it up, and it's definitely not relevant to this thread.

I also don't think you're being unreasonable for asking for compensation, but wouldn't hold out much hope that you're going to get it, so don't let that ruin your life.

I'm disappointed by your MiL's reaction and enabling her daughter. Did you, either after previous visits, or after this one, mention the reasons you're reluctatnt to host her (the hair in sinks, etc)? Did you also specifically challenge her assumption that the make-up was an accident? Did you tell her about what the boys told you? And that her own daughter did not, as she had promised, help out in any way? If I were the MiL, whatever my feelings were for anybody, if they made me out to be a liar about something, I'd kick their butts from here to next January. (But definitely also work on other angles - the danger to her grandchildren, etc).

Sorry it's taken so long to reply - I really wanted to read all the messages! Keep us posted on further discussions with MiL. I think you should And NEVER let her talk you into any more houseguests.

cathers Mon 21-Jan-13 16:21:33

Op, I don't think you are coming across precious at all. I would be fuming!
I think you have every right to expect the value of the damaged goods replaced.
In fact, I think they should have given you money, or at least a gift for your hospitality.

I would photo and itemise the bottles and bedding costs.

Email this to Mil and explain the strangers, smoking, early morning noise and the expense you have already forked out providing their food, pool repair and cleaning but that you are not willing to cover the expense of the drink they took without permission and damage to bedding and that you wish them to rectify their mess.
Suggest the girls pay half each- £250 is still a very very cheap holiday. And with free champagne thrown !

LittleChimneyDroppings Mon 21-Jan-13 16:29:06

Thats what real people with real properties do

My sister has two flats, one of which she doesn't rent out. Despite this she is in fact a real person, and her flats are in fact real properties smile

comingintomyown Mon 21-Jan-13 16:30:37

I still think that while its really annoying and rude that your hospitality has been abused you should chalk it up to experience and get it laminated as future no unwanted guests insurance

I would rise above the whole thing now you have let your MIL know and not get drawn into invoicing anyone or sending further emails

Yes its not the point you can afford to absorb the cost of new sheets but by the same token why get het up about something you can easily resolve/replace ?

KitchenandJumble Mon 21-Jan-13 16:50:42

YANBU at all. What a bunch of rude, entitled little twits. Will your DH have words with his sister? I certainly hope so!

BTW, I did find the explanation of the chalet in the OP a bit unusual. Why not just say that you as a family bought a second home where you stay most weekends? The information about the DH buying it for the OP as a present, etc. strikes me as an odd setup. But that may be just because I've never understood couples who have separate finances. I know it works for many people, though.

Having said that, I don't think the OP is boasting in any way, simply laying out factual information. LesMiss has made some extraordinarily odd comments. It most certainly is not the OP's job to cater to a crowd of appalling houseguests! In fact, the OP was much more tolerant than I imagine I would have been in this situation.

hermioneweasley Mon 21-Jan-13 16:52:43

Agree, wash your hands of this whole sorry drama and leave DH to sort it out. I would make sure he sends an itemised report of the damage done, and the fact that the ski instructor lads were very clear that the girls were equally involved and both helped themselves to the champagne - not that SIL was bullied or coerced. Your MIL can then choose to believe what she wants.

I still think it's a relatively low cost way to ever get out of hosting any of DH's family or MIL's hangers-on again though! grin

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 21-Jan-13 16:57:29

I cleaned holiday lets in the Highlands. I have never come in to clean and find that the guests got drunk, got sick, and left a mess. It's not normal for paying guests to trash the place. It sounds like lesMis isn't attracting the right sort of people to her properties.

LtEveDallas Mon 21-Jan-13 17:46:24

I live in a rented house and have a 'holiday home' that I don't rent out. My parents stay there whenever they want; we only use it in school holidays and the odd weekend. We don't make any money out of it - we don't want to, it's ours, somewhere special to us and we don't particularly want to share.

Is that so wrong?

Lavenderhoney Mon 21-Jan-13 17:57:44

It's really hard to read this thread and ignore the ranting about op's chalet/ dh / transport arrangements etc from the back of the bussmile

Expresso, it just gets worse. Nice to know hdsis got back without wrecking the plane/ boat whatever. And has the balls to pretend its her friends fault, even my 5 yr old would know that wouldn't fly. Mil- well, there's none so blind as those that won't see. Total hogwash. And still no apologies. Entitled isnt a strong enough word really.

Good idea to let your dh deal with it. At least you know not to allow her to stay again, even if she does call you and apologise. An email isn't enough.

Please don't send gifts and cards again! That really will be admitting you were wrong somewhere. You and your dh should spend the money on yourselves and the dc instead. No explanation needed really!

diddl Mon 21-Jan-13 18:02:48

Even if x is a bully, there was nothing to stop SIL apologising for inviting her/the behaviour in general.

juneau Mon 21-Jan-13 18:13:07

Goodness, no wonder HSIL is such a little madam if MIL believes everything she says and justifies her bad behaviour.

Just take the SD card out of your camera (it's the little blue plastic card in the hatch at the bottom) and put it in the slot that says SD on your laptop. It should bring up a menu asking where you want to save the photos.

I'd send a pic to MIL showing the deliberate smearing of several different make-up items - one thing could be an accident, but all of them spilling out at the same time? Your MIL is a halfwit if she believes that.

mumzy Mon 21-Jan-13 18:39:26

Feel very sorry for OP but at least she knows the score now with her Outlaws and should treat them with caution in the future

Florin Mon 21-Jan-13 18:49:03

Why should she rent her house out we have a holiday home in C

Florin Mon 21-Jan-13 19:00:20

Why should she rent her house out, we have a holiday home in Cornwall and do not lend it to anyone at all. It's full of all our lovely bits and pieces and didn't want to feel we have to put precious breakable things away incase visiting children break things or other things are ruined it also means we can go down there at last minute especially if the weather is good rather than not being able to use it as someone else is there. It is her chalet and she can do what she likes with it, and also what the hell has it got to do with anyone else how much she gives to charity. It is their money, if she wants to bath in champagne every night that is completly up to her.
I hope mil realises how bad her daughter has behaved and is utterly ashamed of them and makes them apologise and pay for the damage. It is a lesson they need to learn.
I am surprised she didn't turn up with presents for you and the children as a thank you for staying with you, I would have thought most people would have. My dh's half sister is only 19 and at uni so has no money but she still bought our 6 month old ds a little ball for Christmas (which he loves!) it is the thought. She also needs to realise how lucky she was having the opportunity to stay for free, for a holiday that would of otherwise cost them thousands.