AIBU to think school should give phone back?

(80 Posts)
wondermammy Sun 20-Jan-13 00:15:39

Hi all, my first post on here but really wanted peoples opinions on this. MY DD1 is 15 and in transition year in secondary school which i think is year 10 or 11 in england? anyways, last week DD's phone was taken off her in class for "texting"(don't suspect this as teacher has a vengeance against our family due to previous members being in school and she sits at the front , shes not stupid!!),the phone was sent to vice principals office and couldn't be retrieved for 24hrs and had to be collected by a parent/guardian!! As both DH and i work from 9-5 we couldn't collect phone and had to ask DU to collect it.DD had to do the journey home without a phone which involves a good 20-30 minute brisk walk followed by 10min journey on tram and she also does this alone. AIBU to think phone should have been given back at the end of the day and some kind of written punishment should have been given instead? if it had not of been for DU phone wouldn't of been collected at all!!!

Thanks all!

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Jan-13 00:18:44

You aren't serious are you?

Please tell me you're not...for the sake of my own mental well being.

KateBeckett Sun 20-Jan-13 00:18:51

YABU she shouldn't have had it in school.

Charliefarlie1192 Sun 20-Jan-13 00:19:14

Yabu, I did a long school journey before mobile phones were around. If she is being victimised as you suspect surely anyone else sat up front near your dd would have been able to back her up!?

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Jan-13 00:21:39

It's the 'brisk' walk and the fact she does it alone at 15 (God bless her!) that's tickled me grin

abbierhodes Sun 20-Jan-13 00:21:42

YABU. At the school I work in, mobile phones cause no end of problems and are banned for all pupils. The local police agree that they do not provide extra safety for journey's home, in fact they make children more likely to be victims of crime.

If the policy clearly states that a confiscated phone will only be returned to a parent or carer, then that is what should happen.

Oh, and YAB extra U to think that the teacher has 'framed' your poor little angel! Erm...yeah...cos we have nothing better to do! grin

The teacher wouldn't have had reason to take the phone if it was in her bag. YABU.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 20-Jan-13 00:23:21


She should not have removed the phone from her bag during lessons.

Mobile phones are not essential but a parent being able to get to a school within a reasonabe time frame when there is a issue with there child's education or behaviour is essential.

Her fault getting it confiscated, your fault not being able to collect it.

HollyBerryBush Sun 20-Jan-13 00:24:00


your DD should be learning not texting.

You knew the school rules when you enrolled her.

TuftyFinch Sun 20-Jan-13 00:25:03

Goodness me, that's shocking... I'd be up in arms.
You should contact your local paper. Or even the nationals.

If she didn't have her phone out in class how did the teacher see it?

Vendetta or not no teacher would accuse someone of using something that was not visible as there is always a chance that person may not have the offending item with them and they would risk looking a fool in front of the class should they accuse someone of using something they don't have.

If the rules are anyone caught using a phone in class gets it confiscated and an adult has to pick it up then YABU.

This 'vengeance' does provide your daughter with a handy cover up for anything she does in this class though.

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Jan-13 00:28:03

Tufty does have a point.

Perhaps a really sad photo of your DD holding her phone...and you pointing to it in despair might help this dreadful matter.

I'd contact the media for sure.

SavoyCabbage Sun 20-Jan-13 00:28:14

It was quite a risk to text in a class where the teacher has a vengeance against her and makes her sit at the front through no fault of her own.

She should only 'illegally' text in classes where the teachers have not unfairly taken against her. It's just common sense.

Cheeseswept Sun 20-Jan-13 00:28:33

Where's Keema? grin

OwlCatMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 00:29:50

What is DU?

TheSecondComing Sun 20-Jan-13 00:29:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sun 20-Jan-13 00:32:01

They should have arranged for your daughter to get a taxi home and then couriered the phone to you. On a velvet cushion.

TuftyFinch Sun 20-Jan-13 00:34:49

Yes Worra I think this calls for 'the sad face' photo.
Would you like us to start a petition OP? That might help.
I think DU is Doreen Umbrage.

Clary Sun 20-Jan-13 00:35:13

Yes if the rule is a confiscated phone has to be collected by a parent then that is the rule.

Suggest to your DD she leave her phone in her bag in future. Phones being out in lessons are the bane of my life tbh. I also feel the need to add that it's hihgly unlikely that the teacher is conducting some kind of vendetta against your daughter, honestly I cannot imagine they have the time.

I don't dislike students, I just dislike poor behaviour and bad attitude. HTH.

Clary Sun 20-Jan-13 00:35:57

LOL @ Doreen umbrage Tufty!

apostropheuse Sun 20-Jan-13 00:44:06

She had to walk home phoneless.

She will be emotionally scarred for life.

You will have to pay thousands in counselling fees.

You should sell your story to the newspapers.

It's all so tragic. sad

Why is she walking home, where was the chauffeur?

OwlCatMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 00:51:19

But what is DU?

quoteunquote Sun 20-Jan-13 00:51:50

buy her lots of spare phones so this can't happen again,

Seriously if this isn't a wind up, be really angry with her, sit her down and explain she responsible for own safety, so to lose the use of such an important item, for something so stupid as texting his really self defeating, make her buy her uncle a thank you present for bailing her out.

Owl I'm assuming its Uncle.

ProtegeMoi Sun 20-Jan-13 00:54:17

You might have gathered YABU and a bit precious. No teen needs a phone, she broke the rules and so was punished, that's how it works at school. It won't kill her to be without a phone for a while.

SpottyBagOfTumble Sun 20-Jan-13 00:58:00

Tabu. She shouldn't have been texting, sorry.

OwlCatMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 00:59:56

Ooooohhh. thank you. Just couldn't work that one out.

I was thinking some sort of house slave, Dearest Underling, or something


Haha owl I think you might be nearer the mark there grin

Gomez Sun 20-Jan-13 01:02:49


OwlCatMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 01:04:11


OwlCatMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 01:05:14

I do have a disturbing image of Delores Umbridge in a submissive domestic role though. It's disturbing.

ilovesooty Sun 20-Jan-13 02:38:47

Your daughter asked for it. Tell her not to text in class and to behave herself in future.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 20-Jan-13 02:50:18


Her phone clearly wasn't in her bag or her teacher wouldn't have known she had it with her,obviously.

She needs to take her punishment,which is deserved.

LoopsInHoops Sun 20-Jan-13 03:03:22



YABU for assuming your angel wasn't texting
YAprobablyBU for thinking there's a 'vengeance'
YABU for not supporting the school's mobile policy
YABU for thinking you need a phone for a short walk.

hth. smile

sashh Sun 20-Jan-13 04:24:41

Isn't that the policy of most schools?

AmIthatWintry Sun 20-Jan-13 04:35:24

Is this a joke?

JusticeCrab Sun 20-Jan-13 06:25:17

omg u ppl r scary. omg why r u giving the op such a hard time when all she is doin is lookin out 4 her own dd lyk any mum wud!! omg u wud think u wer all teachers or sumting!!!!!!11!!!one!.

WHAT. HANG ON! WHO'S BEEN LOGGED IN AS ME? Hang on, I've got to go sort this. I'll be back.

StupidFlanders Sun 20-Jan-13 06:34:21

That's the policy we have at my school and I always hoped that parents would side with the school. I'm always saying its hard to discipline when parents don't care.
I begin every lesson reminding students that if I see the phone it's gone.

startwig1982 Sun 20-Jan-13 06:48:42

I confiscate phones regardless of who the child is. Whether they are top set angels, or naughty troublemakers. If they are caught with it out then it is taken. That's the rule. I think you're being a bit precious and naive about your dd.

Morloth Sun 20-Jan-13 06:56:54


fatcuntroller Sun 20-Jan-13 07:08:58

She shouldnt have had the phone out in class. And you're being ridiculously precious about her walk home. Seriously??!

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 07:14:13

The phone record will determine whether or not she was texting in class.

I bet she was.

I seriously doubt a teacher decided to say she was messing with her phone in class if it was in her bag and she had her head down, doing her work.

come off it.

wigglesrock Sun 20-Jan-13 07:29:32

Forget the phone issue, I'm much more interested in the teacher with the vendetta!

Your daughter was probably better off without the phone on her brisk walk and tram journey - they're very distracting and if a 15 year old can't get herself home without the aid of her phone after school then she'll need her wits about her.

KaFayOLay Sun 20-Jan-13 07:32:26


We have the same policy at the school I work at.

ChristmasJubilee Sun 20-Jan-13 07:55:40

Ds2 (15) doesn't have a mobile phone and he has always found his way home without it!

LoopsInHoops Sun 20-Jan-13 07:57:36

Your DD, Justice? grin

ll31 Sun 20-Jan-13 07:58:41

yabu... but tell us re vendetta...

Mosschopz Sun 20-Jan-13 08:02:04

Ahhh...teaching's a rough gig these days what with all the marking, pay freezes and vengeance we have to spend time unleashing on students and parents!

It's NOT personal, but this school, as does mine, takes a strong line on mobile phones, which distract from learning, attract thieves to and from school and jeopardise safeguarding policies.

She'll only be texting her mates during lesson times because she knows you'll back her up and not the school! Good luck with sorting out yours and her priorities.

CailinDana Sun 20-Jan-13 08:09:57

Doreen Umbrage!!! Hahahhaha grin

KaraStarbuckThrace Sun 20-Jan-13 08:13:10

Jeez... how on earth did we cope as youngsters before mobile 'phone,

Sorry but YABU. Personally think there should be a blanket ban on all mobile phones in school. They are NOT necessary items. And I was walking to school ( a good 20-25min walk) alone, from the age of 8!!

ApocalypseThen Sun 20-Jan-13 08:14:35

Does the school really have a massive vendetta against your family, or are you the family that can't stick to the same rules as everyone else and then has Mammy down to make sure there's no punishment?

LAlady Sun 20-Jan-13 08:26:19


At my DS's school if they have a phone at anytime (they are banned totally) they are confiscated until the end of term. He has a coach journey of 8 miles there and back everyday. He's 12.

They are the rules.

Bobyan Sun 20-Jan-13 08:30:39

Well at least they didn't shout at her and then send her outside for a run or swim.

That would be abusive.

BeanJuice Sun 20-Jan-13 08:34:08

Must be a troll surely? If not YABVU

olivo Sun 20-Jan-13 08:37:47

Well, if I had my way,anyone with a phone disturbing my lesson would be sent to run 10 laps of the school field holding the blooming phone above their head wink

Seriously though, OP, I'm sure you now know YABU. Mobiles and iPods are the bane of most teachers' life.

LIZS Sun 20-Jan-13 08:38:43

Are you 15 ?

Nincompoopery Sun 20-Jan-13 08:40:14

LAlady - wow, end of term? Just curious, does that deter the pupils? I would hope so.
In the school I work in phones are confiscated until the end of the day, this is not enough of a deterrent. The average number of phones I have confiscated until the end of the day is 4 per lesson.It's not just the texting these days though. Most pupils now have iphones, blackberrys and as such the issues now are videos, bbm, google, YouTube etc... It's a nightmare and disruptive for the teacher and the whole of the class.
YABVU- if the rules are clearly set out, then as a parent your responsibility should be to uphold these with your DD, thereby giving her a valuable lesson in how to respect her education, rules and those around her!

FelicityWasCold Sun 20-Jan-13 08:44:31

OP you'd hate me, it's a min of 24 hours here, which means on a Friday it is confiscated until Monday.

I average one every Friday grin

I don't hate kids, I hate disruption.

cricketballs Sun 20-Jan-13 08:45:33

Nina - we have similar; first time end of the day (have to collect from office so they keep a record), 2nd time end of week and parent has to collect, 3rd time end of that half term, again parents collect

olivo Sun 20-Jan-13 08:52:19

Ours is the same as yours cricketball.

HoobleDooble Sun 20-Jan-13 08:56:09

What happens if there's a 4th time (am thinking maybe stamped on infront of the whole school at a special assembly)?

Groovee Sun 20-Jan-13 08:57:54

Do you not think you should be teaching your daughter basic manners and respect that the phone should be switched off and not being used during lessons?

A teacher at a local school has a large plastic tray on her desk which the pupils put their phones in for the lesson & get them back after lesson ends. Says a lot for her relationship with her class that they all comply !!

McNewPants2013 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:06:40

your DD is lucky, Because if my child was disturbing a class with her mobile phone then when she got home then she will not be allowed it then.

GinandJag Sun 20-Jan-13 09:08:20

I think this is a ver typical school policy - to have it picked up by a parent after a specified amount of time.

Perhaps your DD will learn her lesson having inconvenienced both the school and her parents.

Flobbadobs Sun 20-Jan-13 09:13:53

The HT at DS's high school explained it this way:
Phones are allowed as long as they are turned off in school time. If the phone is seen then it's confiscated until the end of the day, the pupil collects it.
If it's seen again the parent has to collect it. It's done this way to purposely inconvenience everryone to make the point to the child that they broke the rule. Hopefully the parent will be so annoyed with the child that they will back the school up wrt the phone policy.

bluer Sun 20-Jan-13 09:17:32

Yabvu! Firstly your dd was're very gullible if you believe anything else. Secondly your daughters behaviour is impacting on her education...i'm sure you'll appreciate that it's not a one off (some pupils have the bloody things surgically stretched)...and you need to be responsible for ensuring she gets 100% education not 50% listening 50% chatting with a mate who's probably in same class.

If my DS1 had his phone confiscated at school for texting in class, I would assume he wasn't yet mature enough in attitude to take a phone into school.

Once we got the phone back from the school, I would confiscate it myself for at least a week.

I would also support the school on principle. The rules and policies have probably been in place since your DD started there, and by sending her to the school you are agreeing to abide by them.

Do you or your children have previous 'form' in terms of not supporting the teachers' decisions? If so, then the 'vendetta' question has been answered as far as I am concerned.

RuleBritannia Sun 20-Jan-13 11:15:54

OP hasn't come back after the first YABU, has she/he? It looks as if the message has got through.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 20-Jan-13 11:22:42

D'you think op will come back? hmm

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 20-Jan-13 11:23:14

Ooh! Xposting!

soverylucky Sun 20-Jan-13 11:29:22

Perhaps the reason op's dd had her phone out in class is because she knows that whatever happens it is the teachers fault because of the problem she has with the family - some sort of vendetta. And anyway - mum will get it back for me.

Grow up op and be the parent here.

needtogetoffsofa Sun 20-Jan-13 13:59:06


I got my phone took off me in high school, if i remember rightly the conversation with my dad went something along the lines of "tough, your own bloody fault and ill get it when i get round to it" He didnt get round to it very quickly with working 6am until after tea so i was without a phone. Never again did i get it confiscated though!

ripsishere Sun 20-Jan-13 15:49:19

It's the vendetta bit that's tickling me.
My DH is a teacher. I've lost count of the number of vendettas he has and the cost of an execution nowadays. Well, he has to sell all the phones he confiscates just to cover the paid for silence from the police.
Come back Op and tell us why there is a vendetta.

thegreylady Sun 20-Jan-13 15:51:11

DU = Domestic Underling grin

lljkk Sun 20-Jan-13 16:28:52

I am in physical pain trying to figure out what DU means (sigh). OP U R Cruel.

Was the teacher supposed to have bodily searched the girl to get the phone off her? How else did teacher get hold of it?

Mind boggles.

Cheeryble Sun 20-Jan-13 16:44:12

If it were my dd I'd tell her I'd collect the phone at a time convenient to me and not before. And that time would be not less than a week after the confiscation.

FelicityWasCold Sun 20-Jan-13 17:27:51

It's the vendetta bit that's tickling me.

I agree Ripi... Can you imagine the energy it takes, to hate families/kids for years.

It is such a horrible assertion that usually teens make about a teacher- as if you are the kind of person that takes against a student. How horrible a person would you need to be?

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