Mumsnet Talk

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

There is advice out there on how to do it safely. I was given that advice in the hospital when I had DD2. In fact, the midwives tucked her up in bed with me there and then.

It means that I have actually had more sleep this time round.

Because it was the only thing that stopped DS from screaming all night until we got a hammock for him.

Because babies and little children generally prefer it. Also attachment parenting advice supports it

Because if I didn't I wouldn't get any sleep at! Didn't intend to but an ear infection at 4 months totally destroyed our sleeping routine so we're doing whatever we can for now.

Have you ever tried to get a baby to sleep in a crib for the night?

I have a personal in cot death and the SIDS foundation don't recommend it though.

Very simple answer really. It's the only way they can get any sleep.

Most people have a lovely Moses basket by their bed, as the books tell them to. They lie their baby in it, and for some lucky people their baby is happy to sleep there. But for others, their baby doesn't like it, will only sleep when being cuddled.

So after a period of time (days, weeks, months, depending on the individual) the parents realise that the only way they can survive is to bring their baby into bed with them. Then they get a blissful night of sleep.

Also when breastfeeding it's lots easier to just lie on your side and let your baby latch on, rather than wake up, get up, pick baby up, sit up etc.

Because my DS refused to sleep in a cot and woke every 45 minutes for a nice luxurious breastfeed? Yes, that would be the reason in our household.

There is nothing unsafe about it, provided you are not a big, fat, drunken smoker.

And it is lovely having a little tiny snuggly person in bed And we all got more sleep.

I don't follow other advice to the letter! I look at it, research it, weigh up the pros and cons and then decide.

A lot of the studies surrounding co sleeping are actually pretty poor in terms of research quality. Plus, co sleeping means I sleep too! It's easy and cuddly and I can't see any reason not too, its still the norm in countless places around the world.

Yes, I have two ( surviving) children.

I didn't co-sleep, but I did have ds in bed with me every night after he woke as that meant that we all actually got some sleep

I'm no fan of co sleeping the advice I've seen on SIDS is to to do it. Getting a baby to sleep in a crib isn't so difficult just put it next to the bed and you can soothe without the worry of suffocation.

Because it is lovely, the children sleep better, breastfeeding is easier and the adults sleep better too. Waking up with your baby gently stroking your face and smiling at you is one of the loveliest ways to start the day.

I think you will find that the advice is that it is fine if done properly.

I started it when my son was 10 months old as the hospital took back his breathing monitor. I was terrified he would stop breathing and if he was not in bed with me I would'nt notice.
He had never been in my bed before the monitor went, a very loud alarm would sound if he stopped breathing. Took the fecker till he was 9 to get out of me bed though and sleep a full night in his own.

All three of my babies slept really well in their own cots. If you want to co-sleep then that is your own choice, but I find it rather strange to imply that is the only way to get any sleep.

Both times, I was encouraged to co sleep (safely) by my midwives. And both were very different births, a drug free home waterbirth and an emergency c/section.
I love, love, love having been able to breastfeed while asleep ;-) Both me and my children slept pretty much constantly through the night. I was certainly never exhausted through lack of sleep, and conversely felt reassured at all times as I used to stir if the baby's breathing changed. The difference was I dropped back off again quickly.
Co sleeping is brilliant if you do it properly.

because ds will not sleep nyhere else nd I was fed up of getting up in the night for nightmares.. he is aasking to go in his sisterrs room now, I hope he manages to sleep there.

I loved co sleeping with both of mine but Idid make an effort to do it safely. No duvets or pillows for example and baby in its own sleeping bag. It seemed safe and natural to me.

Because it gave me the biggest (emotional) rush, better than any drugs, I've ever had.

It felt so right that I knew it must be.

You sleep differently knowing there's a baby in the bed, it's like a part of you is always attentive.

And I know both my DDs got something from it too.

I meant not to do it!

this

It's lovely & we all sleep better.

A blissful night of sleep? Does anyone get that with a baby?!

The WHO give advice on safe co-sleeping.

It meant I got some sleep, we didn't have any of the other risk factors for SIDS etc.

It felt natural and there is also evidence to show that it helps regulate a babies breathing and body temp.

Also I think some advice us aimed at lowest common denominator and its easier to just say no co-sleeping rather than say you can do it but.. And explain how to do it safely.

Because neither of my two will sleep in their cot or bed, never have. I cannot survive on no sleep, which is what I get if I try to get them to sleep elsewhere.

Because it means less disruption for you and baby if breastfeeding and its just so lovely.

Sorry if you've been affected by cot death Cathy.

But my son seriously wouldn't be soothed in a cot. He screamed until vomiting if he wasn't cuddled up to another human being. We co-slept as safely as we could, never smoked or drunk with him in the bed and I felt safer having him right there than in another room.

It was suggested to me by midwives in hospital. I was given a leaflet on how to do it safely. There was nothing in mine or DH's lifestyles to suggest that we would pose any risk to our babies. Because we all enjoyed it. Because there is nothing better than snuggling up with your warm squishy sleeping baby.

I never set out to co-sleep. But LO often spends half the night in bed with me because everyone gets more sleep that way.

I love it. I'm a little sad that the bigger he gets, the more time he sleeps in his own bed. Sometimes I nap with him during the day just so I get to see his face just at that moment where he is between sleep and waking. It's like falling in love with my OH all over again.

I didn't do it until ds was a bit older as I was nervous of the SIDS advice.

Now about once a week he comes in. Your lucky if you wake up to smiles I normally get him sitting on my head. With a smelly bum.

So sorry for your awful loss, Cathy

The official line is something like "The safest place for your baby to sleep is on their back in their own cot in your room."

The NHS advice pages all go on to list conditions where it is definitely unsafe to bed share with a baby (smoking, drinking, taking drugs). The inference is that if these conditions are not present then it is ok. People should still look into how to do it safely though, e.g. not under the duvet, mattress on the floor etc.

Co-sleeping is the norm in most non-western cultures, and as far as I am aware, although I am willing to be corrected, the incidence of SIDS is not measurably higher.

I remember waking to feed DS2, getting him out of his crib, and sitting up in bed to feed him. I was so exhausted I fell asleep and he rolled onto the bed and ended up face down in the duvet. Luckily I woke up. After that I decided to sit on edge of bed so I couldn't slump down and doze off. But I still fell asleep and DS rolled on to the floor. I caught him just as he was about to bang his head. After that I decided that he would surely be safer in my bed. Of course I worried about it, but I was so tired I thought his risk was greater from me fall asleep while sitti up with him.

And there is nothing better than opening your eyes in the morning to the beaming smile if a baby or toddler, I love all the sleepy cuddles.

because there is nothing more wonderful than having your baby by you, waking up to see her beautiful face, snuggling in the night, knowing the little foot against your thigh is baby following her instinct not to let you get away...

daughter described tonight sleeping with 'our little starfish', as grandaughter sleeps with an arm and leg on mum and an arm and leg on dad.

I'm interested by the way, not trying to be contentious. I would never co sleep because of personal experience, but interested that so many will when feeding before six months, etc, is rigidly adhered to.

I did it because I was too tired to do anything else. Most parents do it at some point, whatever their plans otherwise.

"So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?"

I think you'll find they don't. FSIDS also recommend breastfeeding and having baby share your room for six months reduces risk of cot death but a really high percentage of people don't do either.

Trice, I don't think I could sleep without duvet and pillow, how did you manage it? And how do people breastfeed in bes without a duvet, and therefore presumably a full set of clothes?

So sorry for your loss

I think its something you either feel comfortable with or don't, I have done a lot of reading on it and it felt right for me and my children.

pickled yes. that.

I wish I'd had some positive advice. When in hospital with DD, she just wouldn't settle until I'd put her in bed with me. I made it as safe as I could, fashioning a bullet proof barrier at the edge of the bed with her high sided cot (that she would not settle in, no matter what - and when a baby is dependent on oxygen and can't breathe well, you don't want them to be upset and crying!) In the morning, one of the midwives berated me for doing it and told me that I could have killed my baby if she'd fallen onto the floor.

My 6 week old baby would have had to have climbed over me to reach the other side of the bed to have had any possible chance of falling. Idiot woman that she was!

When at home, I mostly compromised. I had a bedside cot, but even then my DD wouldn't usually settle until I at least laid my arm alongside her body so she could feel that I was there.

See what I don' t get with all this blissful nights sleep is..didn't your small babies require changed nappies at night? Necessitating at least some sort of activity on your part? Mine BF, pooed, BF, pooed so I had to get up anyway....

Yes, but there is also advice to not give solids before 6 months , but loads of parents ignore that too.

My son had not read the leaflet. He point blank refused to sleep anywhere but on me. We tried everything. He had not read the threads/books.

We did get him out of our bed for "bedtime" by two, after six months concentrated effort. But until he was six years, three months and twelve days old he would still wake up and get in. Kick, nut and elbow me for the half the night and then conk out and snore in my ear, so I basically gave up on sleep.

I repeat, for the hard of reading. We tried EVERYTHING. I thought I was going to die from sleep deprivation and having him in our bed at least stopped me from going stark staring mad between long, tired bouts of "right! that's it. The child is not the boss of us!" (ha bleeding ha)

he was a very determined (and "only" for very good reasons) insomniac baby/child.

We would have prefered him in his own bed from the start. Stupid us for thinking babies came out sans opinions of their own.

Did I mention he is an only child ?

Here in Sweden, advice to the letter is to co-sleep. Letting a small baby sleep on their own so far away from their parents is seen as cold and uncaring. Told that at the hospital when I expressed my Daily Mail informed co-sleeping ignorance.

happy I think I must have been lucky because my babies didn't need night nappy changes after the first 3 weeks or so. and then DH did those

Because it is the most normal natural thing in the world.

I do what comes naturally with my kids, it seemed to work out just fine. Every instinct told me to keep them close so I did.

Even now they are older I am happiest when we are all snugged up together.

I don't follow all advice though, pretty much just do what seems obvious.

That 'Three In a Bed' book (deborah Jackson?) is a good and interesting read.

I think the advice comes from statistics that got distorted by maori people - poorer lifestyles = saggy mattresses, mother smoking, alcohol etc
Many cultures do cosleep with low statistics of SIDS - firm futon beds etc

My daughter is alive and healthy, quite possibly because we were co-sleeping and I picked up on her illness much more quickly.

Thanks or rep,it's. I have my 6 month old in the cot by the bed, and I think sometimes it would be easier to co sleep. But I just can't risk it again.( no risk factors)

HappyPiglet - I've never changed a nappy at night unless it's the stinkiest poo or they've leaked all over there clothes. Which has happened to LO about 10 times in his 9 months!

For replies, I meant, stupid iPad!

I don't follow guidelines rigidly because they're guidelines, I prefer to read (way too much probably) and look at all the information I can find before making a decision.

I did breastfeed because it seemed easier, less likely to make a mistake with quantities or not washing bottles correctly, forget to buy milk or take with me when going out etc. I did give DS food before 6 months though, but mainly because he clambered up to my plate and took it. I co slept because it made sense to me with breastfeeding and also because it's a lot safer to plan to co sleep and make the bed a safe environment for your baby rather than being exhausted and falling asleep on a sofa or in a chair etc which I think would have been likely for me - I fell asleep all over the place when pregnant

The research suggests that co sleeping is no more dangerous than cot sleeping when done correctly, parents are non smokers, etc. I used a sidecar cot which is one of the safest arrangements for co sleeping you can have, although he didn't spend every night within the boundaries of the cot.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

If you want to co-sleep then that is your own choice, but I find it rather strange to imply that is the only way to get any sleep.

This made me laugh! With some babies it is the only way to get any sleep. If you have a baby who sleeps happily in a cot, good for you. Not everyone does. I also have the added complication that my physical health means I am often unable to lift DS in and out of his cot - having him in bed with me and DH means that his needs are met.

As others have said, if you pay attention to the guidelines it is a perfectly normal and safe way to sleep.

YY I didn't change nappies at night except in the very early days which I did kneeling over DS in the bed with the covers round my shoulders (poor cold XP ) and all feeds were breastfeeding lying down so I was able to doze anyway.

Sorry for your loss Cathy.

I knew there would be some smug answers on here saying how it's perfectly easy to get a baby to sleep in a cot etc etc. well bully for you. My DS was like that. It was easy.

Then I had 5 years of sleeping on the floor of my DD1s bedroom. We tried everything, but she had serious health problems during the early years and our family life was devastated by lack of sleep.

When DD2 came along it was like a light going on. She slept well in my bed with me. Hours and hours of lovely sleep. Not only that but a wonderful closeness and a really contented child.

When you are really sleep deprived, you cannot function. Don't just dismiss people with silly accusations of not trying hard enough or making out it is something they are doing wrong, I cannot bear people with that attitude and it is clear they have no idea of how soul destroying it can be.

Fwiw DD 2 , who is now 11, still co sleeps sometimes, and it is lovely.

I have a personal in cot death

Ahh love, I am so, so sorry.

I've no idea why. I can't sleep if anyone is even touching me. It would drive me bonkers.

I can't think of anywhere safer for my children to have slept then in the crook of my arm.

I just have been looking at the advice again since recent small is deciding to be wakeful, but most advice seems no?

There is really conflicting information on co-sleeping and SIDS risks. I have seen lots of statistics that are about infant death when co-sleeping, this shouldn't be confused with the SIDS statistics. SIDS can't be explained, there is no reason, a large percentage of infant death isn't attributed to SIDS but where the child has suffocated.

I also lost my son to SIDS, but have co slept with my other children. I did it for many reasons, mainly because I had a breathing monitor for them all, I didn't want to leave them alone in their cots at night, I woke up every 5 minutes to check on them anyway, and pretty much because I followed every single tiny bit of advice when I had my son and he died anyway

So sorry to hear of your loss Cathy

I was one of the lucky ones. DS was content in his crib by the bed but I put my back out when he was 7mnths and by that time in his cot in our room. I could lift him out but could not put him back down after feeding. So we began co sleeping with him.
He eventually made it into his own room at about 4yrs although was still sneeking back in the early hours but we often wouldn't wake.
We have 6 ft bed so he had plenty of room. And despite the rest of the family telling me that he would never be a good lone sleeper and would struggle to settle himself he happily goes to bed on his own and is asleep within minutes of turning out his light.

Because every time I put DS in his Moses basket he would stretch his arms out, hit the sides and wake up yelling. He couldn't touch the sides on a king size bed. After a few weeks we gave in and bought a cot and squeezed it in to our room 9 but couldn't open the wardrobe doors fully or turn the radiator on.

I used reusable nappies and not changing nappies all night wasn't really an option! But they are prob much better now!
All mine were in a Moses basket by the bed. I tried co sleeping once but it didn't work for me as I got less sleep.... But then I am one of those nasty mums who put them all in their own rooms after six months 3 days in DDs case
They have never slept in my bed, ever...each to their own I guess!

missymoo makes a very good point there. SIDS and suffocation are not quite the same thing.

Missy, so sorry also to hear of your sad loss.

Not read all the thread as it is late and I am on my way to bed. I much preferred DD next to me, she could breastfeed at will, and I managed to doze for a few minutes. I have never had a decent nights sleep since DD was born, and she is 13 now.

I can never, ever understand people who want to put a new born baby in a cot in a room on its own.

Tis not natural.

I did it because, like others have said, it's lovely and if you are bf especially I think it helps you all sleep better, for the first few weeks/months/year/whatever.

I looked at the guidance and we had no risk factors. So I did what most of the non-paranoid world do.

Try googling 'safe co-sleeping' there's loads of information on it.

Tbh if I hadn't co-slept I might well be dead. With both children I gave in and brought them into my bed at about 6 months, when I was so exhausted from sleep deprivation and suicidal from PND (exacerbated by sleep deprivation) that I just couldn't cope doing anything else.

I think in your situation it is totally understandable to want to go along with the advice and probably what I would feel comfortable doing

If you are struggling with sleep though the no cry sleep solution has a brilliant section on how to co sleep safely with your baby - really informative I think. I and many other people have accidentally fallen asleep in a chair bf our babies with them on a nursing pillow which is surely more of a risk than bf in a safe co sleeping setup.

Btw sorry for your loss

Generally because they are too tired to try something else
Because they want to have their baby with them all night
Because they don't want to have to get up in the night to attend to them (because they are right there)
Because they are doing AP

missymoo x

I researched and made my own decision, as I do with all guidelines. With my first dc the midwives at hospital tucked dd into bed with me. Upon discharge they also said 'I'm required to advise against cosleeping, but if you want any sleep you will do it at some point, everybody does'! I did try a cot first but we both hated it. It felt much safer having her in with me, so I could see and hear and feel her breathing and make sure she was ok. Dc2 hasn't been in a cot yet and is 6 months. We are both very happy cosleeping, get more sleep, more cuddles, it's more convenient, safer and nicer imo.

And what pookamoo said. ^^

Very, very sorry, beyond words, really, for the mothers on here who have lost their babies to SIDS.

I am really sorry for your loss.

We planned to cosleep as I felt it was safer to plan carefully to safely cosleep than to fall asleep with DD on the sofa in the middle of the night. We had a sidecar cot, but it took a while to stop her sleeping on my tummy and in the cot. I tend to read as much of the actual research (or at least abstracts from the papers) as possible and make up my mind from there on parenting issues rather than just reading the leaflets provided by the MW/HV. I probably don't look like I have followed all the advice to the letter, but the decisions I have made are informed and researched.

When I had DS2 in an NHS hospital, the midwife got him out of the plasticy cot thingy for me, and put the side of the bed up so we could sleep together.

DS1 I had in a private hospital in Oz and had a double bed, andc was encouraged to have him in with me.

Well, I'm seeing the plus side now, but I'm still sticking to the bedside cot and screaming! Thanks for replies and sharing experiences.

Because I breastfed, because we didn't drink, we didn't smoke and if I'm being absolutely honest, because we all loved it.

Sorry for all those who have lost their babies x

HappyPiglet - I use cloth nappies at night too..only had to change once in the night in the last 4 months.

This annoys me- it's not co sleeping in a properly organised way that's dangerous, it's falling asleep with a baby when you don't intend to. The warnings conflate proper co sleeping with falling asleep while sitting up feeding a baby on the sofa. Completely different things.

here is an excellent link

Countries where they co-sleep as a matter of course have no/practically no SIDS. I read so where Japan where everyone co-sleeps don't even have a word for it - but I stand prepared to be wrong.

Co-sleeping is natural - I've done it with mine (still wakes a lot).

I don't think the segregation off mother and baby that is encouraged in this country is in any way best for baby.

I co-slept for years and it was perfect for us. It was recommended to me by my mw with my first.

A family member lost their newborn to cot death 2 years ago and they were co-sleeping, but they are also smokers.

Also sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies.

Midwife advised me to co sleep.

I only changed pooey bums at night, otherwise I didn't worry about it.

Brilliant, other people do it right then, and SIDS doesn't happen. well, those of us that did it wrong might stick to guidelines then.

Why not? I'm not a massive fan of it but that said all my babies as newborns have slept with me and they are always allowed in my bed if they wake up scared. It's my job to keep them warm and safe....

That was to seeker, but I think I should hide my own thread now. Thanks for advice.

The problem with guidelines is that they are different all around the world andv change over time.

I think SIDS is a bit like a lightening strike, there are some things you can do to reduce the risk, but sometimes it just happens.

To get some fucking sleep

Yeah not too keen on the paranoid comment either, I've always been advised not to as they were prem.

I co-clept becaue it felt right. DS was 10 weeks premature and skin to skin was highly encouraged by the doctors and midwives. Once I got him our of an incubator there was no way I was going to put him i a cot. He stayed by my side, in my arms, night and day.

It just felt so right, we both slept wonderfully, he soon started latching on without me really waking. I was always aware of his presence, just like I am always aware of DP's presence in the bed.

I don't follow other guidance to the letter either, I prefer to use my instinct.

I'm not sure that SIDS is caused by wrong/right co-sleeping at all. They can't determine the cause of tragic SIDS, so sadly, one can never know whether it was caused by something done or not done.

The safe co-sleeping advice is there to prevent parents squashing/smothering their babies, surely?

In your circumstances, OP, I could see that the guidelines would be followed to the letter.

I hope your little one decides to let you sleep tonight

Yanbu op.i would rather gouge my own eyes out than co sleep.dh takes up.enough space as it is.dcs were in.moses basket for first few months then.own room.i have friends who co sleep.they spend hours getting the kid to sleep then bf all night long.and im not talking about tiny babes here but dcs of 2 and 3 years of age! Eh.no thanks.i like to have a bit of time and a bit of the bed to myself.probably wont win any mummy martyr medals though.

I'm currently cosleeping with 8mo DD2 out of necessity (she WILL NOT sleep), but I cannot fathom why anyone would want to do it. I absolutely hate it.

Because it means I get some sleep, and I like waking up next to a smiley/cuddly baby. It's largely laziness on my part.

"Brilliant, other people do it right then, and SIDS doesn't happen."

I suspect it's more luck than "doing it right" Please don't think of it as doing it right or wrong. You were hugely unlucky, it could have happened to anyone. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you've suffered.

If you want to co-sleep, do. But if you (understandably) don't want to, then don't, but please please don't think that you were to blame.

Ashoething you have friends? With that judgmental attitude?

Because natural and what humans evolved to do.

Because lying with your baby beside you BFing and snoozing and snoozing and feeding is the most amazingly beautiful thing you will ever do.

And because the risk for sober, non smoking parents is tiny.

Sorry for your losses cathy and missymoo. I did it because it was the only way I could get sleep. Dc2 woke up 3 times a night for the first year. I can see why sleep deprivation is used as mental torture!

As I write this dc1 (3) has just climbed into our bed as she's not well and her coughing woke her up. She's fast asleep next to me and it always gives me a warm feeling. dh's plans have prob been ruined though

At last a bit of honesty on.this thread.well said tethers.

So it's only honest if people say they hate it?

yes co sleeping is not always a bed of roses! You just have to do what feels right for you, agree with pookamoo and hope your lo starts sleeping well soon

I loved sleeping with DD, and quite miss it now. Except last night she trundled in and got in on my side - I am of Tongan proportions, as is DH, and with Long Tall Sally next to me, I dreamt that I was in prison.

Sorry for your loss Cathy. I think that Seeker was saying that the co sleeping and fatality stats have been skewed by things like falling asleep on the sofa, not that SIDS doesn't exist or that you did anything wrong.

FWIW my DS slept in his own bed on his back until he was eight months old. He is now 18 months and I bring him in with me every night because it's either that or never sleep again. I am hoping at some point he will last the whole night in his own bed, but the morning cuddles are very very good for my soul.

Yep thats right.friends who like a lot of posters on here lie through their teeth about how great it is to be up all night with kids.i will take my 3 great sleepers in their own room.any day thanks.

Ashoething So only people who agree with your point of view are honest??
Honestly ... that's just ridiculous.

We've had to out of necessity. DD was a brilliant 10pm-7am straight through no feeds etc sleeper until she hit 4 months. A horrible ear infection followed by a cold. She'd only sleep when we cuddled her. So putting her in bed with us made sense.
DH wasn't overly keen, now he loves it. DD's just getting over a horrible bug, and last week she koala beared his arm all night for four nights. He's hooked and tries to budge my arm out of the way so she'll cuddle him! Most of the time she's touching both of us.
I didn't set out to do it, I've just dismantled her cot and put it up in her room. However getting up every hour to a screaming, sad baby was worse than putting her next to me. Her cot was within touching distance when I was in bed. It's definitely a comfort thing with her.

My sleep is better and so is hers.

I loved co-sleeping. Waking up next to a baby with that 'drunk on milk' look having slept through feeds.

I really missed it when I stopped. (And I think it saved my sanity, as I don't cope well without sleep)

Because its actually a very natural / normal thing to do but our society thinks it isn't. As long as you're safe it's a wonderful experience. I love snuggling up to DD and it makes bf much easier!

Honestly, you cant explain to a baby why they need to sleep on their own in a different room when all they want is to be close to you!

I'm up all night but I can snooze and feed - my 3 year old is in and out of my bed half the night.

I still LOVE co-sleeping.

Ashoething how do you know they are lying, it all depends on the baby and how quietly they sleep. There are advantages and disavanatages it can be lovely and it can be a pain - even in the course of one night.

Not what im saying.i just dont buy all this oohh its sooooo great to bf my snuggly baby all night.its not cute when the baby is 3 and you look like shit

Have you looked at isisonline.org.uk There is some info on there about safe co-sleeping and i think a link to the research which SIDS used and how they missed the chance to tell people that co-sleeping in bed is safe and that their message accidently encouraged people to co-sleeping on chairs and sofas which is really dangerous.

Personally I have co-slept at some time with all 4 of mine and full time almost with dd2 and dd3. I find it easier to sleep with then there next to me and I know I was watching them in my sleep and moving covers, catching them before they fell out of bed.
I followed the guidelines and shifted my quilt and pillows, wore long sleeve tops to keep warm, and they were in gro-bags so thy didn't need to be under my quilt.

I suppose you could say I took a risk to have them in my bed and if they had of died of SIDS it would of been my fault. Unfortunately a lot of babies die of SIDS in cots as well. It must be a dreadful thing to go through. My friend lost her son to SIDS 14 years ago and it is still hard for her to come to terms with.

Ashoething I find your ridiculous 'at last a bit of honesty' comment really insulting. I have been in the same position as Cathy and lost a child and gave her my personal reasons for choosing to co-sleep with my other children and you somehow find that dishonest?

Thank you everyone for your sympathies

Ashoething you are lucky to have good sleepers. I don't. That doesn't mean I enjoy being awake most of the night (see my earlier posts) or that I am a martyr. Quite the opposite in fact. Your post made you sound very unpleasant - perhaps you didn't mean it to come across the way it did?

I disagree - it is STILL lovely even with a 6 year old. If I didn't love it I wouldn't still be doing it!

sorry prob shouldnt say this but you seem pretty angry about it Ashoething?

ashoething Everyone is different. You must have overlooked the poster above who said she usually wakes with her DS sitting on her head. Which is often the case in our house. Alternatively the "using the headboard as a handlebar and the bed as a trampoline" trick, now that DD2 can stand up.

I didn't think of co-sleeping with DD1. She was a shocking sleeper. She's now 4 and sleeps very well in her own bed (apart from on the odd occasion when she shows up in ours!)

DD2 has co-slept from day 1. Some days it's good, some days it's bad. She does seem to take up a lot of space for a little baby but in our house the plus side (some actual sleep) outweighs the minus side (me being in the middle of the bed squished up to DH all night!)

It isn't for everyone, and maybe it isn't for you, but the OP asked why some people choose to do it, and those people have given their reasons.

"a lot of posters on here lie through their teeth about how great it is to be up all night with kids"

Except by co-sleeping some of us avoid being up all night. If I didn't co sleep I would definitely be up all night.

"i just dont buy all this oohh its sooooo great to bf my snuggly baby all night"

I don't bf. But it is lovely to cuddle my DS all night. Going to be gutted when he grows out of it!

I was being totally honest.

I'd love to say I researched it all, and weighed up the pros and cons. I'd love to say I studied the statistics.

I didn't.

We did it because we wanted to, and because we weren't in the 'danger' group. And because it felt right.

Ashoething I really do enjoy co-sleeping with my dd's. Yes some nights they are little madams and I am kicked and elbowed but on the whole they are great, keep me warm and I love the closeness of it all. Plus they share my room so why not my bed. In any case ds, who sleeps in his own room keeps us up most nights. He is 14 though and way too big to get in our bed

Mine elder four all sleep in their own beds in their own rooms now but until 3ish yes old they slept in bed with us and they slept and we slept, they didn't stay awake all night.

Like all babies we has bad nights with teething or developmental phases but co-sleeping made those easier to cope with. They never kept me up all night.

Its the most natural thing in the world and dp and I both like it, so did the children and they grew out if it when they were ready to. Dd is 25mths and is upstairs asleep in our bed at the moment, I will get lovely snuggles in the morning, I imagine in the next few months she will start sleeping in the toddler bed that is in our room and then when she is ready she will go into her own room.

Zola - I sleep in my dressing gown and duvet further down. Ds is in a sleeping bag.

I share a kingsize bed with ds and have a pilliow on my side - df sleeps elsewhere so I have room.

No im not lucky.i put the hard work in by sticking to routines to encourage my dcs to sleep well. Having a tiny or poorly baby in bed-perfectly fine and lovely.having.a toddler or older child in.your bed every night? Nope.sorry not for me.

Ashoething Just because you BF your baby for an extended period of time doesn't make you "look like shit"

If you are BFing any age child in the night, the easiest way to get more sleep is to do it lying down in bed, so that comment holds no water at all.

Just re-read my previous post in conjunction with my username and can see it might be misinterpreted.

I am often exhausted because I tend to burn the candle at both ends. When I am in bed I sleep like a baby, next to my baby.

"i put the hard work in by sticking to routines to encourage my dcs to sleep well"

Got a routine here too. It just results in co sleeping every night.

Dd1 is 14 years old and I co slept with her because she was a wee madam and it was the only way to get some sleep, dh worked away so i was on my own.

I was so jealous of my friend who's ds slept in his cot in a routine I felt I was doing something wrong. My health visitor (who was a god send) at the time said that she co slept with her child when he was a baby, I didn't feel so bad then. I came to the conclusion that me and baby getting a decent amount of sleep was a good thing.

Dd moved into her own bed at just over a year old my ds was a totally different baby and didn't need to be comforted through the night so there was no co sleeping, dd2 co slept for a few months before being happy on her own so all of my dchildren have been different in their sleeping habits, I took it as it came at the time and things have worked out okay.

"not for me" Exactly. for you. So you might concede that the other people who are happy with it are not lying, because it is the right thing for them ?

I personally think that snuggling up to my DD, at whatever age, is the best thing in my life.

Not angry at all.rather bemused perhaps.as i say i have friends who try and convince themselves that they love having velcro dcs.but i have been.there when they have also admitted they would sell their soul for a decents nights sleep.again each to their own but its not for me.

I know where you're coming from op. A very close family member lost a baby through SIDS, and as a result I could never be 100% happy cosleeping as a rule.

Sorry for your loss, and yours Missy.

I've got three kids and co-slept with em all whilst they were babies. They were all sleeping in their own rooms and beds by the time they were three years old. No hard work needed

I didn't officially co-sleep with DD (8) but we have always been very relaxed about bringing her in with us or letting her potter in as she got older. I always had to lie down with her to get her to nap during the day until she was 4-5 months old too, so probably should have just gone for co-sleeping full stop.
She rarely spent the whole night in her own bed until last summer when we moved her into the bigger room and got her a 4ft divan.

As a working parent, I found it a damn sight easier to let her get in and snuggle back to sleep than to keep returning her to her own bed and trying to settle her.

So in short, I guess the answer to the OP is laziness!

This really bothers you doesn't it Ashoething? Can you really not believe that lots of us like cosleeping?

Co sleeping with a baby doesn't have to mean co sleeping with a toddler. My 2 dds who are 5 and 2 part co slept and sleep really well now in their shared room (dd 2.5 asks to go in her cot and snuggles down and goes to sleep straight away) as opposed to their older 7 year old brother who still sleeps poorly now and I firmly had him in a cot in his own room after reading gina ford.

I'd like to start by saying how sorry I am to the Op and anyone else who's suffered a loss due to SIDS.

We never set out to co-sleep. DD slept fine next to our bed for the first 10 months of her life. Then we moved house.....and she completely freaked out at being in a new environment and would scream blue murder at being left alone in her cot. After a few weeks of no sleep.....I was having black-outs and walked to the shop but had no recollection of getting there (with the buggy, I dread to think of the amount of roads I crossed, not aware I was doing it) we brought her in with us. Our bed wasn't big enough so most of the time it meant that DH was asleep on the sofa. But at least we get some sleep!

DD is now two and maybe 2 or 3 nights a month she'll end up in our bed now. After a few weeks of using the gradual retreat method she will now go to sleep on her own. If she wakes in the night she'll only settle in with us.

It's not something I chose.....but it does have it's advantages. I completely understand people saying how lovely it is to wake up next to your babies. It IS lovely. The only issue we really have is the size of our bed. If we had a super-king that could accommodate the three of us then it would probably be a lot more enjoyable.

"as i say i have friends who try and convince themselves that they love having velcro dcs.but i have been.there when they have also admitted they would sell their soul for a decents nights sleep"

Just so long as you are aware that just because you know some people who do lie, that doesn't mean everyone does.

I'll admit there are nights where DS barely sleeps, but he's teething, even if we weren't co sleeping he'd still be waking. Difference is I'd have to get out of bed and go to him, which would no doubt involve lifting him out of the cot for a cuddle and then having to walk him around until he calms down. Whereas at the moment I can just roll over, give him a cuddle and soothe him to sleep. SO much easier and less stressful.

We always had a routine as well, but one where they went to bed in our bed. Dd goes to bed at 7:30pm and will sleep till about 7:30am, some nights she wakes for a cuddle etc, generally she will stir in our sleep, the realize we are there and she doesn't wake properly, she often just reaches out to touch/pat me and that soothes her or I put my hand on her back etc. Its not a hardship, its lovely, they are only little once. My other children are 13, 10, 8 and 4 and don't need me in the night unless they are I'll etc so I don't begrudge them needing me when they are little.

Its not shocking to have a toddler that co-sleeps, its actually normal in most cultures around the world.

I did the routines with dd1 an ds and it did work but with dd2 and dd3 and ds being a non sleeping ASD I had to do the best by him which was minimal noise and as much sleep as poss for me. Cue breastfeeding and co-sleeping. The nights I tried to put them in cots or moses baskets he went mental fromthe crying and we had no sleep from placating 2 children.
I think you do what works for you and if others think you are lazy then let them

Cosleeping doesn't have to last forever. DD coslept until 6mo and then moved into her own room and sleeps well. We moved her when she started turning round and kicking me. We just detached her sidecar cot, put the side on and moved her into her own room a couple of weeks later. I might look like shit, but that has nothing to do with cosleeping until 6 months.

I get a decent nights sleep whilst co-sleeping!

Do your dh's like it or dont they get a say? Im not saying that some people dont find it comforting.but i think a lot of peoplw do it because it easier than doing a lot of routines that require effort on the part of the parent.again only.imo.so please dont take it personally.night.

Oh rubbish ashoething. That is entirely luck. Dd was happy to follow a routine. Ds thinks sleep is for wimps. It's nothing to do with the lack of(?) hard work I've put in and I don't appreciate your inference that I have somehow caused this. You might have encouraged them to sleep well but if they weren't going to sleep in the first place it wouldn't have worked.

I co-sleep because it feels like the right thing to do. I love cuddling a small warm body at night and kissing their gorgeous cheeks and stroking their fat little thighs....there is nothing better. For me personally its ranks as one of the best things about being a parent.
I feel that they are much safer next to me than on their own.
I have woken up in the middle of the night a few times when a dc next to me has come down with a high temp. I immediately stripped them down to cool them or gave them calpol if they were stirring. Once I woke up a few secs before dd vomitted all over herself. Its as if my body just knew she was going to do that. What if she had choked if I hadnt turned her over as she vomitted?

I have read all the research and we have no risk factors so im happy to co-sleep.

But I like them to stay in their own bed all night from about 2.5yrs bar the occasional nights of illness or nightmares etc.

Ashoething I think your friends are being honest to their feelings in both situations - on nights when baby has slept well they prob love cosleeping but obv a few rough nights can make it less appealing. I think if you havent tried it and your friends babies on the whole don't sleep aswell as yours it would seem logical that they have followed the wronh path, its just not that straightforward.

i have co slept with all 6 of my children.

some naturally moved from the bed to their own rooms, dd4 is taking a bit longer, happily falls asleep in her bed but comes in some night.

ds rarely gets in our bed, and i normally move him back asap as he is so wiggly. i often end up getting kicked or punched in the face if he is in our bed.

dd5 (9months) loves being cuddled to sleep but then sleeps all night in her cot. unless teething.

"generally she will stir in our sleep, the realize we are there and she doesn't wake properly, she often just reaches out to touch/pat me and that soothes her or I put my hand on her back etc"

Actually that's a point. We have tried putting DS down in his cot for the night (not, I hasten to add, because I wanted to, but because others told us we should, and being first time parents we listened). What happens then is he stirs, reaches out for comfort, and when he can't feel us, he screams. Maybe given time he'd learn not to need our comfort, but seeing as I like the cuddles and it benefits all of us, it seems a bit daft to do it just because it's what other people would do.

dh doesnt mind. if baby is sleeping then we all get sleep.

and tbh most routines arent all that anyway

"Do your dh's like it or dont they get a say?"

He does like it.

I already said on p5 that dp like sit as well and we still have a routine just one that includes going to bed in our bed.

DH hated it and so had to sleep in the bath.

I'm lying of course, we decided jointly- you know, like adult human beings. Shocking I know.

DH is quite happy with our sleeping arrangements, thank you!

By routine do you mean CIO or CC? Some people don't like that. Co-sleeping is the norm around the world, it is natural for baby and mother. Not a great night's kip compared to sleeping on your own but it comforts baby so much is is best for their emotional development so who would deny it?

My Dp was a bit torn and fairly keen to move them out but he put up with it and in part quite liked it - I think overall he could see it was better for us all. there are other rooms ;)

You can't follow babycare advice to the letter, anyway, because they keep bloody changing it. I followed advice with DS1 which, by the time DS4 came along, was considered not only out of date but positively dangerous. Eating plenty of liver and spinach, laying him on his front (because to lay him on his back was almost guaranteed to cause instant death), mixed breast/bottle feeding, weaning at four months... in other words, the precise opposite of current advice. Give it a few years and a lot of today's orthodoxies will be overturned, you mark my words.

My dh likes it on the whole. He loves cuddling them too at night. We only bring them in to our bed around 1am ish when they wake up so me and dh is free to do whatever till then so it really doesnt infringe on our closeness.

Yes, like Giraffes - if DH hated it, there are two other empty rooms he could move to.

DH is fine about it. I overheard him telling MIL on the phone that DD2 was sleeping through the night quite often, when she was about 3 weeks old. She was not He just hadn't noticed her waking as she wasn't crying.

We bought a superking size bed, so there's loads of room. DD2 can also be persuaded occasionally on a Friday night to sleep in a cot in DD1's room for part of the night. We always bring her back in with us when she wakes up in the early hours, though. I suppose from what you are saying, at that point we should be putting the "hard work" in of getting her to stay in the cot til morning? I prefer my sleep, and so does DH tbh. Maybe that is lazy, but I don't anticipate DD2 being in our bed long term.

Oh and to answer your question, DH is quite happy having DS sleep in with us, just as he was when DD ended up sleeping in with us.

I don't follow advice. I follow research and evidence.

SIDS used to be called cot-death for a reason, and increased in developing countries when they started making babies sleep on their own.

My ds worked his way across the bed to curl up with DH at 2 days old - how I have no idea he started on my side ended up with DH.

Tells me he wanted the human touch.

We borrow our babies until they enter school - mine are Velcro children - I love it - yes I'd like some sleep - but I have a long, long time to sleep in the future - every moment with them is precious - so I co sleep baby wear rarely leave them.

One day they will be independent and they won't need me or DH - we will sleep then.

Noel

My dp works long hours and can go days without seeing the children due to crazy shift patterns, so to go to bed and have toddler snuggle up is a lovely way to reconnect. We have talked about it and it feels natural for both of us, we couldn't imagine putting a tiny baby in their own bed or a different room to sleep, nor could we leave them to cry etc. We have patented instinctively re sleep and read up to make sure we did it safely.

I don't care what other parents do tbh, we do what has worked for us and our children.

And yes DH loves it too

The only issue my DH (which was one I shared) was that our bed wasn't big enough and we couldn't afford a new one.

I think a lot of people do it because it easier than doing a lot of routines that require effort on the part of the parent

Well, that was my reasoning tbh and it worked for us - although DD came in with us most nights, I never had a problem getting her back to her bed a while later if we became too hot or otherwise comfortable.

Parenting and routines aren't always a match made in heaven. I read GF prior to DD being born and planned to follow it and have my life organised and a perfectly routine-trained baby within 6 weeks. Utter cobblers - I have never been into organisation or routines so why I thought motherhood would change that (or that my DD wouldn't take after me in her love of chaos) is a mystery!

Both mine now sleep in their own beds, they do choose to share a room though even though it means we have spare rooms.

It just kind of progressed. DS1 wanted to be a big boy at around 2ish and DS2 just wants to be DS1 so he was keen to share with DS1 from about 18months.

I do still often find them cuddled up together when I go to check on them at night, but they have big king single beds so plenty of room. And both are welcome in our bed at anytime if they like. Sometimes the little one comes in in the night still.

They are little for such a small amount of time.

For us it was the only way, I don't like routines much (for anything) so never bothered with them, but I have friends who vastly prefer structure.

My DH was onboard with it. He definitely has a say as he now vetoes DD sleeping in our bed at night as she sleeps well in her own room most of the time.

DH loves having his babies close too you know. He too works really long hours so is always happy for any closeness he can snatch.

I have previously gone to the spare room when all three are in my bed snoring.

Why not? They are happily asleep and I can be happily asleep as well.

If it works, it works, if it doesn't do something else.

Because babies love it!
Dc1 insisted on it and I overcame all my fears about SIDS to do it. Dc2 totally indifferent and snores happily in a Moses basket next to my bed all the way through the night.

<waves back at Joyful>

DH loves waking up next to DS. He says it's the best bit of the day. On the rare occasion that DS doesn't end up in with us overnight, DH bounds out of bed to bring him in for cuddles when he wakes in the morning.

DH has never had a problem with it - he has an early start and got much more sleep than he would have done otherwise!

We tried it with Ds1, who was a very poor sleeper. He slept a little better in out bed, but I didn't sleep a wink all night. I have painful joints, so can't sleep in one position for long, but I was terrified of turning over and squashing him in my sleep, so I'd lie awake instead. I also like to snuggle with the duvet and a cushion to support my hips, knees, and shoulders, which I could't do with hi in the bed. We persevered with getting him to sleep in his cot beside our bed, with one of us sleeping with an arm through the cot bars so we could put a hand on his tummy, and we were lucky that he did start to sleep well in there. By 6 months he was sleeping through the night in his own room, and Dh and I could catch up on months of sleep.

It sounds lovely in theory, but for me, in practice, it just didn't work. Ds1 had bad reflux, so would have soaked our bed in milk every night if I hadn't breast fed him sat up with a bath towel around him. Ds2 has the occasional posset too. Both Ds's have the occasional explosive nappy, that would soak through onto our bedsheets.

I'm so sorry for your losses, Cathy and Missy.

for me it felt the most natural thing to do

ds was content I was content ds slept I slept

Amazing feeling wonderful I would do it again what is unnatural about having your baby close to you at all times

I'm so sorry for your awful loss, Cathy

Your DC is 6 months, right? I found that I got much more relaxed about co sleeping the older my DS got because I figured he'd be strong enough to wriggle or turn away in case he ends up under a pillow/blanket. When he was still tiny I always made sure that his head was level with mine, didn't have a pillow and would wrap myself firmly in the blanket so as not to cover him.

Also, my sleep was much lighter! Once I was in bed alone and rolled on a cuddly toy. I jumped up screaming because for a second I was convined I'd rolled on the baby!

We have had all 3 of ours as babies in with us. Started off with moses basket next to my side of the bed so I could feed easily in the night. Ended up bringing them in with me and falling asleep feeding.
However, didn't really read up on anything, just ended up doing what felt natural for us. Had pillows + duvets although didn't smoke or drink.
We got much more sleep in the early months than we would have done by me up and down feeding and settling back to sleep.
Never had any problems getting them into cots afterwards either.
They were all in with us until 6-7 months as I stopped bfing around then too. Had a few nights with each of them settling them into a night time routine but now, DC3 is 14m and sleeps solidly from 6pm - 7.30 am, so it has all come good.
Do what you feel is right.
So very sorry for the tragic losses as mentioned upthread.

I have seen no evidence that cosleeping increases the risk of SIDS so don't really see the connection. I have even heard that it theorised tgat it may reduce the risk, as baby regulates their breathing and heartbeat to the adult's, and adult's more alert to baby getting into trouble in any way.
The stats that say cosleeping increase the risk of infant death seem to include accidental cosleeping, drunk parents, etc, all the stuff we don't do. And the risk that's increased is smothering or falls, not SIDS.
I'm so very sorry to hear from those of you who have had tragic experiences. Unfortunately SIDS does happen to both cosleeping and cot sleeping babes.

DH cosleeps with the toddler, me with the baby. We all like it

I did it with dd1 but never ever felt relaxed about it, then had a friend (non drinker/non smoker etc) roll over and accidentally smother baby in their bed and I didn't co-sleep with my youngest two.

H is from a culture where everyone 'co-sleeps' with babies/young children. It never occured to me not to.

I thought advice was it was a risk if you were a drinker/smoker, duvet etc

Sorry for the people who have lost babies on this thread x

Co-sleeping is safe as long as you do it properly. There are also some theories that suggest it is actually safer, for all the same reasons they encourage sleeping in the same room.

I also loved co-sleeping, and still would be now if my pain levels hadn't got so out on control.

Why do people think men don't like cuddling their babies too? Bizarre. And sad.

And Cathy, I am sorry thatnyou have suffered a tragedy. But this thread is about consleeping- and I am not going to pretend that it is dangerous, done properly, because something awful happened to you. It is't. There are things you shouldn't do. But co sleeping is safe and wonderful, and good for everyone's sanity.

I didn't co-sleep with DS1 as he slept fine in a cot with a bit of effort in the early weeks to settle him, DS2 refused to sleep anywhere but on me. After two weeks of staying awake all night holding him, my midwife suggesting co-sleeping and told me how to do it safely. He fed every 1-2hrs until he was 8 months old and co-sleeping meant I didn't have to get up for feeds. He's still co-sleeping at 10 months as he just will not sleep in a cot (and believe me I've tried). I don't mind it and he loves it, he just seems to need lots of cuddling.

No co-sleeping here. DH's snoring was akin to the sound of a high speed train in the bed. Neither dc coped with it, it just made them scream. Moses basket my side of the bed worked okish (though not when dh let out a massive bellowing snort at which dc's threw arms up suddenly in the way babies do when they've been suddenly disturbed and it would set them off). Much kinder on them and me to have them in another room, I just had to persevere longer with settling dc1 in the cot, dc2 settled happily. Often I'd end up sleeping in the rocking chair by the cot, having sung dc1 to sleep, but it was a comfy chair and dh buying it for me was the least he could do . He did his best to make up for it all in other ways, making sure I got lie ins etc. We muddled through.

I do think there is often an ever so slight edge of moral superiority to the anti co sleepers. As if all us co sleepers are slack hippy types whose pillow cases probably don't match and who just aren't prepared to put the hours in when it comes to doing parenting properly.

They do breakdowns of the risk factors so you can see how many died as a result of accidental co sleeping/ if parents smoked or were drunk etc

I love co sleeping with my dd. It was a lot cosier when she was tiny, now shes 9 months she spends the whole night starfishing leaving me 5 inches of bed! Wouldnt change it though, for one I love the snuggles and two, I wouldnt get any sleep at all! Having a baby gurgling in your ear is a lovely alarm clock.

Whilst the 6 hrs broken sleep I've just had is marginally better than the four hours I would have had had DD2 been in her cot, I am not pro-cosleeping. Whilst I understand that it works for some people, I still hate it. What I would like is for DD2 to sleep 12 hours straight in her cot like her sister did.

It's not a moral issue for me at all.

I co slept with both dc until they were 11 months. Then they moved into their own rooms. It took about a week for them to settle in to their own rooms and they were fine, slept really well on there own. Ashoething people who coslept can have really great sleepers too you know. Like me, who is still lying in bed on a sunday morning at nearly 9.30am because dc are still asleep.

To the op, I co slept because I didn't occur to me to do anything else. I was supported by the hv who was one of those rare creatures who actually thought it was safer, as long as you followed the guidelines of no drinking, smoking etc. I think is is safer personally than using a cot. The natural rhythm between mother and baby is quite interesting, and the closeness can actually kick start breathing, should the baby stop.

So sorry to those who have had the horrific experience of losing a child on this thread.

It depends on your perspective u think seeker....I can see why people would have that view.

My babies sleep in my bed with me
But...
I don't do 'co-sleeping'

I will admit to a bit of eyeball rolling at people who label it, in a demonstrative way. Same as 'baby led weaning'. It's just feeding your baby, like grandma did and her grandma.....etc etc

And my pulliwcases match

We are primates that have evolved to keep our young offspring very close to us.

It's the most natural way to sleep.

DH loves it.

Seeker - for every person on mn who implies that cosleepers are lazy hippies, there are five who think that non-cosleepers are unnatural child haters .

I didn't plan to co-sleep. But the first night home from hospital following a CS I got up to get DD out of her cot and realised that I couldn't actualy get back into the bed holding her (quite a high super kingsize). Not fancing trying to feed her sitting on the floor I gave up trying to get in and out and just left her in with me.

She never cried at night because I woke as soon as she started to stir. One night I was really tired and didn't wake up at all. She'd latched herself on through my nightdress

Now she is 5 we know she has considerable sensory processing issues and needs to touch/ lean on people constantly, so if I hadn't started cosleeping I doubt she'd have ever settled in her cot

My pillowcases don't match . I'm a stereotype

Seeker that made me laugh! I'm a bit of a lazy hippy (only when it comes to parenting though - I don't read the guardian or wear a poncho), and my pillowcases don't match. I don't see why you should make things more difficult for yourself when they can be easier and nicer and better for everyone. This is why I breastfeed too, as well as why I cosleep. (Plus bfing is free, which is also important)!

I'm from a co-sleeping culture and as such find the idea of having an infant sleeping away from the parents quite alien and uncomfortable. I do believe that in most cultures co-sleeping is considered the norm and the rates of infant mortality are relatively low for it.

This I thought was a good article on the subject.

And another more general one that states:

"A cross-cultural sample of 90 traditional human societies identified not a single one with mother and infant sleeping in separate rooms: that current Western practice is a recent invention responsible for the struggles at putting kids to bed that torment modern Western parents. American pediatricians now recommend not having an infant sleep in the same bed with its parents, because of occasional cases of the infant ending up crushed or else overheating; but virtually all infants in human history until the last few thousand years did sleep in the same bed with the mother and usually also with the father, without widespread reports of the dire consequences feared by pediatricians. That may be because hunter-gatherers sleep on the hard ground or on hard mats; a parent is more likely to roll over onto an infant in our modern soft beds."

I did find a study that was UK based (to consider the climate and difference in bedding for instance) and found this one which examines the differences between infant care practices between S.Asian and white families in Bradford and seems to highlight the proportionally lower incidence of SIDS with the co-sleeping practices prevalent in the S.A. families.

Ultimately though, I imagine every parent does what they consider best for their children.

I am deeply sorry for the losses mentioned on this thread, I can't imagine a worse pain.

I wish that the guidance about co-sleeping was better worded to make it clear that the risks that come with it are to do with suffocation/overheating etc - that is why there is some advice against it, due to drinking/smoking/unsuitable beds and bedding etc.

SIDS is something else entirely and there is plenty of research out there that would suggest that the risk of SIDS is actually reduced by safe co-sleeping.

I do find it odd that anyone would think that people are lying through their teeth about co-sleeping being what they wanted to do. DS1 was a great sleeper - slept through from 7 weeks with no regressions and still sleeps at least 12 hours a night. However, when he was tiny the difference between the way he slept if he was in bed with us and the way he slept in a moses basket, was huge. When he was in with us I don't ever remember him waking more than twice a night, even when he was tiny. If we tried to get him to sleep in his moses basket he would wake every couple of hours.

So when DS2 came along we never even tried to get him to sleep anywhere else until he was about 6 months when he went briefly into a hammock and then into a cot in his own room. He's not as good a sleeper as DS1 but does generally sleep through. If he wakes early in his cot he won't go back to sleep. If he comes in with us, he'll go back to sleep for a good couple of hours.

Sleeping with both DSs as babies felt perfectly normal and instinctive, as well as safe. I don't think "oh no I miss sleeping with them" but I do quite like going to sleep cuddling DS2 if he's in with us for any reason. It's like having a warm, wriggly teddy bear!

I agree, kungfoopanda- co sleeping is not falling asleep on the sofa with a baby.

I meant to add that my MIL had her other grandchildren staying over from a very young age for various reasons. She really struggled with the idea of not sleeping with them - she didn't, obviously, because she was nervous about not being as in tune to them as she was with her own children, but she slept with the moses basket right against the bed so she could hold their hands.

She just didn't feel able to have them sleeping completely on their own.

Ds1 co-slept with me and in his cot, though I often worried about the advertised risks. Pregnant with dc2 and I've brought a co-sleeper crib which I feel will be best of both worlds for me!

Ds1 co-slept with me and in his cot, though I often worried about the advertised risks. Pregnant with dc2 and I've brought a co-sleeper crib which I feel will be best of both worlds for me!

Comfort, ease of breastfeeding, because if you're not a feckless moron it is perfectly safer & natural.

In Japan it's just what they do. SIDS is almost zero. Bf mums who co sleep are more tuned in to baby's needs/breathing. Better than letting small baby whimper in cot.

Oh & because we don't always follow other advice to the letter. I also refuse to feed my baby non food mush. Guess what, he can chew.

Because I'm bf, and after a few weeks of trying to stay awake during feeds and look after my ds4 without severe sleep deprivation. I get much more now and don't feel any more tired than normal. Also dd sleeps sooo much better!

I am being honest when I say we adore co sleeping. My DH was saying the other day how sad he is when he thinks how eventually she'll want her own bed she is 14m, breastfed and usually sleeps between us.
At first I thought DH would think I was weird if I wanted to co sleep, so despite my own provenance as a happy cosleeping baby I didn't suggest it. He did. And it has worked well ever since.
Yes, there are times when I think "dammit, you're both in my space " but there were times when I thought that about DH pre DC!

I think it depends on you and your DH. What kind of people are you? We're very clingy, like to be cuddled up in the middle of the bed all night. We have had one night apart since we were married eight years ago and it was a rubbish one. We would be very unhappy at having to sleep separately. And the thought of putting DD down in a room on her own and saying "you're tiny and helpless and have no idea of what's out there but you stay here by yourself while we go and cuddle up next door" seems strange and cruel to us. But as it happened DD wouldn't be put down as a baby, ever. Ever! She wouldn't sleep if we were lying down. Eventually we managed to get her to sleep in my arms lying down, but there was no question of separation. But this is surely because her character is similar to ours. I know plenty of people who long to sleep separately from their spouses. As babies they may well have preferred their own space. But cosleeping is a cosy dream for us.

I am so sorry for those of you who have lost children. I can't imagine the grief. I can imagine that it would make you look differently at cosleeping and many things.

Because it means I can sleep! Love it when he sleeps through in his cot...WHEN that is....

I was too scared to co-sleep for ages

My DM kept saying she had never done it

And then one day she said (when I was weeping with exhaustion and saying how much my back hurt from sitting on the edge of my bed breastfeeding all night)

"I had a double bed in your nursery. At night I would get in it and bf you lying down. Most night I fell asleep in it and you just helped your self"



Me: "Ummm....you said you didn't co-sleep mum and it was terrible and dangerous"

DM: "Well I didn't darling. I just breast fed you lying down in bed and fell asleep"



After that we co-slept and it saved my sanity

We stopped about 9 months when I stopped breastfeeding and he moved to his own room. It was great and I still miss his snuggly warm little body

Because it's perfectly safe if you follow the guidelines and everyone is much happier we used a Respisense too and a sidecar crib which was the dogs bollocks.

You could just as reasonably start a thread with the same title except replace co sleep with 'use a cot' since the risks are similar.

It just happened in hospital, emcs and establishing bfing my mw sat my bed up slightly and gave me a huge v pillow so I could hold her without the risk of sleepy arms sagging, as I can't lay on my side. By her last night in hospital she was only waking twice a night and at 4wks now just once. I wake up as soon as she snuffles or wriggles and as a result I feel far better, she doesn't get upset and I cope with being awake for that feed far easier.
Some nights she spends half in the night in the pram or crib, she has naps in them too, or she doses in the close carier, she's only small once so I'm happy when she is.
Plus I have a 4 and 5yo who I don't want disturbed when they have school

I had Moses basket next to the bed then cot in my bedroom, breastfed (until 2.5 years) but dd more often slept in the bed (I'm not going to call it 'co-sleeping'). It was simply because she seemed to sleep much more easily
I may have created rod for own back, however, as at three years she still very frequently sleeps in my bed despite having her own bedroom.

Because my DD had a nasty 'injury' on her head from ventouse. Meant she could only sleep on her left side for 4 weeks and screamed if she was put down. Now she's older I enjoy it and it means I sleep better as I don't have to get out of bed a million times a night to feed her, she sleeps better coz she can doze and feed rather than being hoicked out of her moses/crib all night.

Plus we are the only mammals that remove our children from our side as soon as they're born. I didn't plan to co-sleep but now it makes sense. As a MW said to me 'you wouldn't separate a puppy from it's mum as soon as it's born so why do it with a baby'. Made me think.

I know the advice is best next to your bed rather than in it but the co-sleeping stats also take into account babies that have died in bed/on the sofa with parents not following safe co-sleeping advice.

I co slept with dd4 and 5. With the first three I bottlefed them and they had cots in my bedroom until 8 months then their own rooms. With the last two though I decided to breastfeed and co sleeping just came naturally with it. I have found the breastfeeding/co sleeping babies a very different experience, theres was ALOT less crying, no pacing the room trying to get them to sleep (they just slept when they needed). dd5 is 11 months and co sleeps about half the time now she goes to bed in her cot when the other children do and then sometimes wakes up and comes into our bed sometimes she sleeps through.

Because otherwise I would have been sectioned.

It was summer, so we could easily sleep on top of the mattress with only light blankets, it allowed me to maintain close contact and skin to skin with her, which helped both of us with bonding.

She never had to cry to let me know she needed a feed or change, because I could react as her body began shifting in discomfort or need, she could latch with much assistance from quite early on so it meant I never had to fully wake for a feed, plus she could comfort suck if she needed to.

It definitely enabled breastfeeding which was good in the early days when it is so easy to be disheartened and quit.

I actually liked it, it felt like a special time when we were up together at night feeding, this is when I felt most motherly and since I had trouble with the first I believe that it enabled this bonding.

It just came naturally to us, she quit it herself at about six months, although we still shared occasionally after that if I had trouble settling her. And it was good for me at the time as I had mobility issues, so being in the same place as each other meant less pain for me.

We cosleep because DS2 is a terrible sleeper otherwise. After getting up out of bed to feed and soothe him about 20 times in 2 hours just after a csection I "gave in". He had I diagnosed reflux and the only way he would sleep was to feed to sleep. Moving him once asleep led to acid reflux and lots of screaming in real pain. I got to the point where I was ready to hit him, to throw him against the wall or violently shake him because I was so tired, sore and frustrated. Putting him in our bed meant we both slept well, he could feed without waking me, and I did not kill him and get sent to prison.

I felt very guilty until I realised he was at significantly more risk oh harm in a crib than in a bed. I'm very sorry for those who have lost babies to SIDS. I would feel utterly responsible if my son had died. But I really was about to harm him otherwise.

Once we did it I read the research and noticed its not really that dangerous if done intentionally. I happily put him in the car, knowing he might die in a crash. But I use a carseat and drive sensibly. For me, cosleeping was one of many weighted risks we took. The alternative for me was unworkable and dangerous.

Ps and once I decided to do it I really enjoyed all the snuggles, better sleep and easier feeding. Ruined my back though always sleeping the same way round.

Someone up thread said about 'parents making more of an effort' to get the LO to sleep in a cot. Well everything about children is an effort so why not do one thing which is easy. Does it make me lazy to choose an easy, safe and more natural option for sleep?

DP tends to sleep dowstairs as he too snores like a train. His choice as we all get sleep that way

From day 1 Dd wouldnt sleep unless she was co sleeping or in our arms. We tried every trick in the book, but sleep deprivation can drive you crazy, and co sleeping was the only way she would sleep. At 8 months she finally went into her cot, but still occationally regresses. It was nice to be snuggled up to her but I sleep better with just me and Dh

i am sure its been mentioned already - only skim read but for those that want too but too scared, side car cots.

Utterly fantastic - baby has own space but you are in effect co sleeping. Absoluty THE best thing I have spent money on in the past few years! And DEFINATLY the best thing I have ever brought baby/child related.

We co-slept when I discovered that bringing DS into bed with us meant an hour's extra sleep in the morning. Easy decision!

The evidence on co-sleeping is inconclusive. The study which is often quoted, and which IIRC the NHS base their "no co-sleeping" guidance on, includes people doing all sorts of things which are not considered safe co-sleeping. (So babies getting suffocated under duvets / on sofas etc).

AFAIK, there has been no study which compares safer co-sleeping (i.e. that which follows the guidelines) and non-co-sleeping.

Co-sleeping massively supports the breastfeeding relationship, and breastfeeding itself significantly helps protect children against SIDS among other diseases. I strongly suspect better research will find that co-sleeping does benefit babies when the guidelines are followed.

Incidentally, another guideline which is often ignored is that your baby should be in with you till 6 months. A lot of people put their babies in their own room much earlier than that, from a few weeks if not even straight away! But they should be in with you. It seems to me that people think that as long as you can hear your baby on a monitor it's fine, but the baby actually benefits from being in the same room with you as it helps them regulate their breathing. This one is evidence-based and not contentious (there is no possible benefit to your baby in being on their own, in their own room) but it's still ignored.

Oh I sooooo miss cosleeping. I coslept with all four usually to about 15 months or so. All are great sleepers, in fact DD1 slept 12 hours a night at 8 weeks old so we coslept through choice with her.

Because I was desperate. When Ds was born I was very ill, gradually becoming disabled with no diagnosis & no one listening to me, 'oh first time mum, giving birth is hard, stop whining, fuck off you bastards.
DS had reflux and has never yet slept through a night, I tried everything & all that worked was being naked with me & continually breastfeeding. He woke 14+ times a night for the first 8 months, even with cosleeping.

H would 'help out' by falling asleep with Ds on a sofa, after his cigarette break. So I couldn't ever sleep, ever relax, ever took eyes off Ds for fear he would die. I got very paranoid about it, panicked that I wasn't following advice by cosleeping. Used to lie awake listening to him breathe, was so scared he'd stop if I stopped listening. It was hell. Cosleeping probably stopped me going completely mad. I think i had postnatal depression, but no one ever looked beyond the smile I put on cos I was just do damn glad to have Ds through the panic, & pain.

He's almost 3 & currently snoring on my shoulder in bed.

DH convinced me a few weeks ago to encourage 18m old DS to stay in his own room, Not because he doesn't enjoy co-sleeping mind but because he has fallen foul to the old 'Rod for your own back' 'You're spoiling him'bullshit from his co-workers.
The stubborn bugger is currently sleeping on the floor of DS's room, has been for a week. Can't see how that is much different personally but atleast he can hold his head up at work eh?

Because its lovely.
Because life is too short, when you have a baby/toddler/child that wants to sleep next to his/her mum, to try and try to force them to sleep alone.
They are young and dependent for such a short time in the scheme of things.
Because when done safely, it is not dangerous. It's fine.
Because we all get more sleep. Result.
Because I immediately wake if there is a problem (like when 2yo ds began to choke on his own vomit).
Because - it's right for some people, and that's just fine.

I'm always a little jealous of Mums who co sleep, DS would never entertain it even as newborn & to this day refuses to sleep in bed with us.

Every now & then, he will have a little nap on one of us on sofa (he's almost 3 yo) & we love it! We just stop whatever we were planning on doing & adore the feeling of him snuggled up.

My MW's are very pro co-sleeping. It's fine under the right condition's.

Because i'm a lazy cow. That's all really. As long as you follow the guidelines for it it's fine.

This has been a really interesting thread for me as LO is 13 days old. Just wondering, those of you who said that their LO breast feeds in the night without waking you, do you find they have a "good" self latch? At moment am trying to steer the latch as I find when baby self latches he does not take a large enough mouthful. Would love to leave it to him to latch on but not sure how to improve this?

meringue at that age you need to help them/make agree they are latched but pretty soon the get the hang of it and do it themselves

Cat98 - brilliant post
One day my dc will grow out of co sleeping forever

Love this thread making me feel better about having a 1 yo taking up the whole bed all the nice posts about cuddles in the night etc make it all seem that bit nicer than he's so small yet takes up so much room... When will he sleep alone ;)

Thanks madthings

Well, I've just tried to go to bed, to find ds, who's 11, and dp cuddled up asleep in it. Pausing only to take a blackmail photo (they look very cute) I will proceed to ds's room and take advantage of his new mattress!

meringue my 14mo is very adept she sometimes non verbally asks first, which is adorable. Sometimes I get a hug first, or a round of applause during. No kidding. Cracks me up and melts my heart at once.

I had DD2 15mo after DD1 & cosleeping (DH was in the spareroom, his choice) was wonderful. It gave me a chance to bond with her, she was born at the end of november & we live somewhere with pretty wild weather & I spent the first few months of her life breastfeeding her listening to the rain & gale force winds hammer against the window. It is one of my most treasured memories. I would urge anyone with a small baby at this time of year to cosleep (obvs assuming safety stuff etc)

my DD2 is now at school in reception... I stil miss those early days..

I'm so sorry for the losses mentioned on the thread.

I'm a slightly reluctant co-sleeper, but I'm now extremely grateful for it. It's no exaggeration to say that it's keeping dd alive.

She was always a poor sleeper and would always spend part of the night in my bed having started off in the bedside cot. Eventually she spent the whole night in with me. She also feeds quite a lot at night (like now).

By the time she was a year old I was pretty fed up and was tempted to take action of some sort to stop the night feeds. She was such a poor eater, though, that I could never face depriving her of the calories.

We found out on Christmas Eve that she has cancer. The reason she wouldn't eat was that the tumour was practically filling her abdomen and leaving no space for her tummy. Since starting chemo she has survived more or less on breast milk alone.

If I hadn't coslept she would probably have given up night feeds -- or I'd have chosen to be tough about that as well. Then my milk supply woyld likely have dwindled. Then she would be literally starving now.

I'm not trying to say that if you don't cosleep your baby will get cancer, obviously! (Mine did anyway.) Just that it may have benefits you don't foresee. And right now, I don't want her anywhere except right next to me.

PrayingforBeatrice - sending lots of love x

I decided the slight increase in risk of SIDS was less than the risk that I'd fall asleep on a sofa with him during the day (which is definitely risky from what I could gather) or have some sleep-deprivation-related accident. To get DS to sleep anywhere else would have required leaving him to cry.

The FSID claim that co-sleeping following the guidelines does increase the risk of SIDS slightly, but certainly at the time, I could never actually find the evidence they based that on on their website. Most of the studies around conflate cosleeping following the guidelines with other forms of bed sharing, sleeping on sofas etc. so it's very hard to find out the true picture.

I'm not sure I really enjoyed cosleeping though. It's lovely when you wake up together in the morning, but not much sleeping happened and I hated not being able to move without waking DS up.

Having baby in a seperate cot, and in a seperate room even, is a strictly western phenomenon and fairly new practise. Some babies sleep fine on their own in a cot, most don't though. The guilt and worry placed on parents because of government guidelines I think is unnecessary. There is actually lots of evidence to suggest that cosleeping lowers cot death risks. Breathing facing your baby may trigger a breathing reflex, and sleeping in arms reach keeps babies cortisol levels stable.

Co sleeping is dangerous when parents are sitting on sofas/chairs/heavy bedding, when they are smoking or have drunk alcohol. These are what have skewed SIDS statistics, when looking at babies that have died that were sleeping on a parent. If the parents weren't exhausted, because hey weren't up all night rocking a newborn that didn't want to sleep on its own because of fears of having the baby in bed with them, the risks of falling asleep in unsuitable places would be lower.

Co sleeping also makes breastfeeding much easier and parents less tired. You learn to latch baby on and feed without fully waking up.

My dd was 100% BF, never coslept, weaned at 5 months, weaned off breast at 1 year - blah de blah. I read all the books and stuck to all the "rules".

My ds was very poorly at birth, slipped into a coma within hours and would have died if I hadn't raised the alarm. He would have been recorded as a "cot death" because his condition was undetectable after death. He has taught me that every child needs a different parenting style. He was hospital-bound for 3.5 months and had severe reflux when he came home. He was in constant pain and needed his mummy to cuddle him through the worst parts. I had read all the guidance and had almost lost him many times previously but at times we needed to cosleep as lack of sleep made his condition worse and his anxiety levels were already high from so many months in hospital. Cosleeping is a wonderful, loving experience but, like his sister, he soon got to the stage of using mummy like a trampoline and was ushered into his own cot.

I'm so sorry for anyone who has lost a child, however it happened. It must be heartbreaking when you see people doing something and having healthy babies despite that. My friend lost her 3 year old in a car crash despite being in a proper car seat etc. She has to watch people drive by with children on booster seats and wonder why not them. Unfortunately life deals some shitty hands. I hope that you can come to terms with your loss. I would probably not cosleep at all in your situation, I couldn't do it. You can buy cots that attach to your bed so that they can sleep in that with your arm over them as a compromise. Thinking of you tonight. x

Around the world co sleeping is the normal way

Sorry to hijack thread but there seem to be a lot of people here with experience of cosleeping. My DD is now 9 months and while I am happy to continue cosleeping she really still only wants to lie on top of me rather than beside. What can I do? As she's getting heavier my back is suffering. Also she seems to want to be latched on all night. Actually the last 2 nights have been a lot better for both but until Monday I felt like I was going mad. We bought a cotbed from ebay and are picking it up tonight so at least will have the option to attempt cot sleeping if it gets bad again.

I think at 9 months, I would just keep putting her to my side.

She won't like it very much and may well yell, but you will not be ignoring her needs, just her wants.

I always figured if I was doing everything I could for them and they were still yelling, then they would just have to get over it.