To expect DP to prioritise my birthday over nephew's christening?

(172 Posts)
Winterbluesinmyhead Fri 18-Jan-13 16:34:08

This year, my birthday falls on a Sunday. When I saw DP's brother at Christmas, he mentioned two possible Sundays for his son's Christening, neither of which were the Sunday of my birthday. Today I get home and open an invite addressed to myself and DP announcing that the christening IS on my birthday.
Because I have to work the Friday and Saturday evenings of my birthday weekend, I'd said to DP that rather than having a big night out with him and friends on the Saturday as we usually do (I wouldn't expect people to come out on a Sunday night when they have work in the morning) I would just like to do something nice with him during the day. The christening is a long drive away and going to it would scupper any birthday plans of mine. I naturally assumed that DP would say we couldn't go, but instead he reckons there's no way he's missing his nephew's christening (even though he doesn't believe in God?!). While I wouldn't tell him not to go, I've told him that I'm not keen on going myself, to which he just said fine! I'm really smarting now. I understand that his nephew is important to him, but surely I should be important too? Since we had set aside the day to do something for my birthday first, AIBU to feel hurt about this?

Catsdontcare Fri 18-Jan-13 16:35:18

Grow up!

DaddyPigsSecretAdmirer Fri 18-Jan-13 16:36:04

This isn't going to end well!!

BartletForTeamGB Fri 18-Jan-13 16:36:23

Gosh, I just don't understand adults getting all huffy about their birthdays.

YABU.

GladbagsGold Fri 18-Jan-13 16:36:32

Yes

KatoPotato Fri 18-Jan-13 16:36:35

Had you actually made set plans or just 'something nice' Wouldn't going to the Christening be very nice? - even if you don't believe in God?

How long have you been together?

oh, YABU

YABU. Surprised you need to ask.

Pootles2010 Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:10

Nope sorry christening is one-off event, yours is just a birthday (assume not a 'big' one?) so not as big a deal.

I'd be pretty mad if dbil didn't go to ds's naming day, and wouldn't dream of missing a nephew's Christening.

TWinklyLittleStar Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:16

YABCompletelyU, sorry. You can celebrate the night before, have a champagne breakfast in bed on the morning of your birthday, go out the next week... You have a birthday every year, a christening is a one off and a big family occasion.

GladbagsGold Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:16

Doh I have just realised... have I fallen for a reverse AIBU?

Trills Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:22

YABU

People are either:

too young to read a calendar, and so won't know if their birthday is celebrated on a different day

old enough to read a calendar and also old enough to know that birthdays are sometimes celebrated on different days because it is more convenient

AliceWChild Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:28

Yes you are.

OTheYuleManatee Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:32

YABU.

How many christenings does a baby have?

And how many birthdays will you have?

I don't blame you for feeling a bit miffed but still. Suck it up.

RunnerHasbeen Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:37

Have you actually made any plans, told friends, booked a restaurant? If not then you are being childish, just have a birthday thing the following weekend.

Bananapickle Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:44

YABU - his nephew only gets christened once and you're an adult who could celebrate your birthday with your DH at any other time.
Your attitude is bizarre!

neontetra Fri 18-Jan-13 16:37:53

Can't you do something together on another weekend? Easier than moving the christening!

noisytoys Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:01

Of course YABU

and quite childish / selfish

2anddone Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:09

Yes yabtu unless its a special birthday (18, 21, 30,etc) or you are a young child hmm I take it you don't have dc yet? When you do you will be lucky to have a whole day to celebrate your birthday! Accept that its your dn christening and that you are an adult who can go out for dinner the next day or out the following weekend.

MrsGeologist Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:12

YABU, do something another weekend. Your DP's nephew will only be Christened once, your birthday comes round every year.

minibmw2010 Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:17

Don't be pathetic, you sound. Dry immature. sad

DaddyPigsSecretAdmirer Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:25

I think you're right Gladbags!

LynetteScavo Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:37

YABU.

Unless it's your 18th birthday, and from the tone of the OP, I suspect it might be.

drjohnsonscat Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:38

blimey. Do people over the age of ten actually make birthday plans? I literally have forgotten how old I am, such is the significance of my birthday. Sorry but you sound a bit daft about this.

EuphemiaLennox Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:44

YABU as well as bonkers and self absorbed.

HollyBerryBush Fri 18-Jan-13 16:38:56

YABU.

You will have lots of birthdays but your DN will only have one christening.

TBH, as you are a P and not a W, and therefore easier to extricate from, and you were kicking up this sort of fuss about a child - and being irrationally jealous - You'd find your bags packed and on the doorstep if he were me grin.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Fri 18-Jan-13 16:39:04

Are you 6?

Weird.

abbierhodes Fri 18-Jan-13 16:39:08

I think the OP's getting a raw deal here. I mean, you only turn 14 once, don't you? grin

DawnOfTheDee Fri 18-Jan-13 16:39:19

Is it your first birthday? If not then YABU.

You get a birthday every year. Your DN get's one Christinening ever. Which do you really think your DH should go to?

just go out with him during the day on the Saturday, before you go to work, if it's really too much for you to share your day with a tiny baby.

ENormaSnob Fri 18-Jan-13 16:39:55

Is it a big birthday ending in a 0? Or your 21st?

Softlysoftly Fri 18-Jan-13 16:40:01

Sorry is this a wind up?

SandStorm Fri 18-Jan-13 16:40:02

I've just had to postpone my dd's birthday party because of the weather. She's a child and is fine with a delay so I'm sure you can deal with it. And if you can't, it's about time you learnt.

FeckOffCup Fri 18-Jan-13 16:40:25

YABVU, I would be unimpressed if a family member hadn't come to my DD's christening because it was their partner's birthday and they wanted to get pissed the night before. You sound rather childish and self centred.

Convert Fri 18-Jan-13 16:40:28

To be brutally honest, you are a grown up. Stop fucking sulking about your 'Birthday weekend'. Why can't you have a takeaway on sunday evening and have a nice night in together. Or do something a different day. You are not 5.

YABU, and sound like hard work!

If you had made a concrete plan that couldn't be changed, then I'd think you had a point. But a vague "we'll do something nice" doesn't trump a specific invitation to something from family.

Believeing in God is a red herring in this - it is the importance of family and rites of passage, not the religious aspect of baptism that is primary for many families.

You can have a nice day out together going to the baptism surely? Or have a meal out or whatever on another day.

NotLinda Fri 18-Jan-13 16:41:43

winter, i'm sorry but yabvvu. i was a bit annoyed when my sil had her 'wedding reception camping weekend' on my bday, even though the wedding was 2 months prior to that ... so i can understand mild irritation at the loss of your bday celebration but its shockingly childish and spoilt to expect dp to prioritise a bday!

TheFallenMadonna Fri 18-Jan-13 16:42:34

I do get the fuss about birthdays, and find a kit of the comments on threads like this very joyless.

However, christenings trump birthdays. Of course he should go to his nephew's christening, and if you are his partner, then you should go too I think.

MrsAmaretto Fri 18-Jan-13 16:42:37

YABVU

minibmw2010 Fri 18-Jan-13 16:42:50

Very immature that should have said, not Dry smile

KnightBusRider Fri 18-Jan-13 16:43:26

Hahahahahahahahaha

Yes, YABU. Very.

GaryBarlowsPants Fri 18-Jan-13 16:44:02

Sorry but YABU. You can celebrate your birthday the weekend before or after.

izzyishappilybusy Fri 18-Jan-13 16:44:20

Yab ridiculous

Cadmum Fri 18-Jan-13 16:44:37

You have a birthday every year and can celebrate any day. Dh's nephew will be christened once. I think you see where I am going with this...

Celebrate your birthday the following weekend with friends.

sooperdooper Fri 18-Jan-13 16:46:18

Don't be ridiculous, I hope this is a reverse AIBU

LaCiccolina Fri 18-Jan-13 16:46:37

Ur or dh belief in god or not is irrelevant to the point. They plainly have some sort of affinity for it, their choice. Also how old are u this year? It sounds a very young petulant comment? Can't ur birthday be celebrated on a nearby date? U can still have cards/presents can't u that morning?! I think dh is being grown up and right here. Bit bemused by ur reaction which seems very jealous? Yabu I'm afraid. Shame I thought at first I was going to agree with you!

McKayz Fri 18-Jan-13 16:47:00

YABU!!!

BooCanary Fri 18-Jan-13 16:47:07

If this is NOT a reverse AIBU, then you are being incredibly immature. HTH.

EarlyInTheMorning Fri 18-Jan-13 16:47:14

YABVU and you sound like a petulant quack

StillSmilingAfterAllTheseYears Fri 18-Jan-13 16:47:46

Hahahahaha! Is it your 6th birthday??! YABU X 1,000.

AngryTrees Fri 18-Jan-13 16:48:13

Christenings aren't just about God. It's an important family occasion, a chance for family and friends to see each other and it will mean a great deal to your partner's brother and his wife. If he doesn't go it would be quite sad for them. He wants to go to celebrate with them and see his nephew.

You could easily have a meal in the evening or plan something for after the event. It might not be the whole day but it's still enough time to celebrate your birthday as well. One event does not butt out the other.

WHAT.

YABU.

That baby will have one Christening. You will have another 50 birthdays. Get a grip. Why don't you just make the next/previous weekend your birthday weekend instead?

CwtchesAndCuddles Fri 18-Jan-13 16:48:20

You are being VERY unreasonable.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 18-Jan-13 16:49:54

you need to grow up!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 18-Jan-13 16:50:23

If I didn't like them I'd probably pull a face and minimise the time there and maximise the time spent alone together.

If I liked them I'd be happy to do that on my birthday with lunch somewhere nice before or after or dinner out or something... make the drive etc part of the day.

Whether I liked them or not, I wouldn't expect my partner not to go and I woudn't not go either, it's rude. The only exception would be if we had already arranged something that couldn't easily be re-scheduled.

can't believe an adult posted that OP, so also assume it's a reverse AIBU...

otherwise, sorry OP, your DP will be prioritising his nephew's christening because his nephew will always be his nephew. You, on the other hand, if you don't stop being so childish and self-centred, might not be his OH for much longer.

Fakebook Fri 18-Jan-13 16:50:31

Your dp eh? Glad he has been given a chance to dump you before getting dragged down the aisle for an eternity of hearing "me first me first"
from you.

YABU.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:00

YABU.

NewYearNewNagoo Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:10

one christening, lots of birthdays.

YABU.

And what Trills said.

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable. I'd look on it as positive thing- its your birthday, family meet up, lots of people there will surely turn into a bit of party anyway at which people will be only too glad to celebrate your birthday well as your nephews christening. It ought to be a lovely family day, surely??

Even my DD whose 16th birthday two years ago clashed with the only date MIL could get at venue for her 70th party, ( MILaw gave my DD the right of veto to say that she would rather the party was held on another day) was happy to have her own celebrations on another day. AS it turned out her graciousness was well rewarded as MIL treated her to a new dress for the night and a haircut, she had a special extra cake at the party and all the rellies were pre-warned it was my DDs birthday too and she ended up with mountains of gifts, cards and cash she would not have got otherwise.

As she put it "grandma is only going to have one 70th- I could have another 70 birthdays...".

bbface Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:37

I have a feeling the OP won't be back. And too bloody right!! You should be just a tad embarrassed OP!!. Not going to bother getting specific, but my view is as all the above posts. To be clear, YABU

Spartak Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:50

Why not try to book the Saturday off work, go up the day before and stay in a nice hotel nearby. You could have a nice champagne breakfast or something.

IDrankAllTheGravy Fri 18-Jan-13 16:52:07

Do you have children?
If not then why don't you go out for a nice meal after the christening with your DP? Surely you'd have plenty of time for it if christening is in the morning/lunch time, show your face at the after party thing for an hour or so then move off home and go out.

Yabu btw

TidyDancer Fri 18-Jan-13 16:52:35

OMG this has to be a reverse AIBU.

Otherwise the OP is acting like a spoiled brat. Of course the christening takes priority, it's not like there were even concrete plans for something specific for the birthday.

But I would bet my last penny on this being a reverse.

DoodlesNoodles Fri 18-Jan-13 16:52:52

Another YABU. and childish.confused

HyvaPaiva Fri 18-Jan-13 16:53:03

'I naturally assumed DP would say we couldn't go' grin Really, OP? Why?

You make yourself sound entitled and intense.

YABVU.

Is this ACTUALLY a unanimous AIBU?

YABU.
And I don't really understand how you can think you are not.
This makes me a bit sad

SirBoobAlot Fri 18-Jan-13 16:53:50

biscuit

How old are you op? 8?

Grow up.

YABU and you probably know it, deep down.

ivykaty44 Fri 18-Jan-13 16:54:44

sorry but you have a birthday every year, a family gathering for a baby nephew is going to trump a birthday in this house.

I had a great 16th at a wedding - incidently that was a Sunday

OurPlanetNeptune Fri 18-Jan-13 16:55:32

This year one of my ds will be celebrating his birthday a whole month earlier because a very important family event clashes with his actual birthday. We will do a lovely breakfast, cake and opening gifts with him on his birthday. When we suggested this you know what he said? 'Cool like the queen I get to celebrate twice'. He is 6.

YABU. Seriously.

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 16:55:51

Well, I'd be miffed about the timing too, I don't understand this MN consensus that adults aren't allowed to value a nice day that's about them once a bloody year.

But "I naturally assumed that DP would say we couldn't go" does make you sound scary and princessy.

snice Fri 18-Jan-13 16:56:24

this is going to be one of those rare things-a unanimous MN YABU

Goldmandra Fri 18-Jan-13 16:56:26

Christenings are not just about welcoming the baby into the church, although that is a very important aspect of the event of course. If this were the case the local church-goers would be the only attendees.

For many families it is also a rite of passage and an opportunity for the family to get together and welcome the child into their midst. It is often just as significant as a wedding or a funeral.

Your DH wants to be part of this important family gathering. He wants to welcome his nephew into his family.

This isn't him putting his nephew above you. This is him putting a significant family even above a minor annual celebration.

It may be that you family culture values birthday celebrations over baptisms but this clearly not the case for your in-laws. You need to accept this and rearrange your birthday celebrations if you require a whole day to be devoted to them.

YABU ridiculous. How old are you?

Did you really think that people would say you were not?

Winterbluesinmyhead Fri 18-Jan-13 16:56:44

Ok, for those who bet their last penny...yes I confess this is a reverse AIBU!

I thought DP was being childish about this, but I know mumsnetters are often keener to flame men's behaviour than women's so I thought I'd put it to you the other way round.

Now I have my answer. I'm off to show this thread to him! Thanks ladies...

LittleChimneyDroppings Fri 18-Jan-13 16:56:51

Of course you are unreasonable. You can celebrate your birthday the weekend before or after. Why wouldn't you do that? You sound very childish and entitled.

OP is sulking in the corner now.

LittleChimneyDroppings Fri 18-Jan-13 16:57:43

X post.

Deux Fri 18-Jan-13 16:57:54

YABU. What makes you so special? Good grief, get a grip.

If it was your brother's baby getting christened and your DP's birthday, what would you expect him to do?

oops x post

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 18-Jan-13 16:58:15

This has to be a reverse AIBU, surely.

How can that possibly be reasonable?

OurPlanetNeptune Fri 18-Jan-13 16:59:07

What a stupid excuse for a reverse IABU. They are flipping crap. YABU for simply not being upfront.

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 16:59:46

grin

I hope he's ready for tons more people to come on, not read your 2nd post, and rant long into the night...

QOD Fri 18-Jan-13 17:00:09

I totally understand, it's a big thing becoming 13

Ffs

LadyHarrietdeSpook Fri 18-Jan-13 17:00:25

YABU totally insane.

Unfortunately, I don't think it's a reverse AIBU, there are plenty of adults out there who are this extraordinarily self absorbed and immature.

My own mother caused mayhem on the day of her grand-daughter's christening - it was US Mother's Day, dontcha know, and the day never 'stopped' being about DD and about her instead. She actually tore a strip off of us after hosting a party for 60 people and spending four hours driving home.

Please don't behave this way. Please. Unless you really enjoy creating unhappiness and animosity amongst family members.

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 17:00:37

Am now grin that I called him princessy.

MammaTJ Fri 18-Jan-13 17:00:40

So, OP, it is your nephew and your DPs birthday?

Winterbluesinmyhead Fri 18-Jan-13 17:01:32

Yes, it is my nephew and my DPs birthday.

catwisd Fri 18-Jan-13 17:01:57

so who's birthday is it and who is getting christened?

catwisd Fri 18-Jan-13 17:03:18

sorry, it was answered already. how old is your DP?

Winterbluesinmyhead Fri 18-Jan-13 17:03:45

35!

FeltOverlooked Fri 18-Jan-13 17:03:53

YABU and also mean and petty and immature.

Softlysoftly Fri 18-Jan-13 17:05:16

Wow don't make him a DH

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 17:07:19

Ooh. Is he 35 now or going to be 35?

I'm 34, I consider 35 to be a bit of a big one. sad That may just be me.

bedmonster Fri 18-Jan-13 17:07:47

Dammit! Late to the party as per usual. And I had a witty retort too! Will save it for another time!
But yes, HIBU.

Winterbluesinmyhead Fri 18-Jan-13 17:08:38

He's going to be 35.

FeltOverlooked Fri 18-Jan-13 17:09:18

Sorry, your DP is being unreasonable, mean, petty and immature.

KnightBusRider Fri 18-Jan-13 17:09:19

grin

Your DP needs to grow the hell up, frankly. What an idiot.

mercibucket Fri 18-Jan-13 17:12:21

Yup, time to trade up I think, op

StillSmilingAfterAllTheseYears Fri 18-Jan-13 17:13:12

Aw, MadBusLady is on the dp's side, so it's not unanimous!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 18-Jan-13 17:13:24

Why on earth is 35 a 'Big One' - after 5, 65 is first 'Big One' for normal people surely? 25 being a quarter of a century At A Push.

JustFabulous Fri 18-Jan-13 17:14:04

I don't believe the OP. I think she has just been clever at hiding her strop grin.

PeachActiviaMinge Fri 18-Jan-13 17:14:28

That is a crap excuse for a reverse AIBU I'd bet my last penny that it wasn't but OP is smarting from the comments made wink

fuckadoodlepoopoo Fri 18-Jan-13 17:16:13

What an arse!

pictish Fri 18-Jan-13 17:16:15

Jesus Christ - what an arse!

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Fri 18-Jan-13 17:16:34

Nah, MadBusLady, 36 is the big one, that's when you no longer tick the '18 to 35' box on surveys and have to move on to '36 to dead'!

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 17:17:35

I'm not on his side in the sense of his response. I am in the sense that I too would be miffed about my 35th being considered of no account. Just seems a bit "transition into middle age" to me. sad However, that is probably quite personal to me, no reason why his motive should be similar I suppose.

JustFabulous Fri 18-Jan-13 17:17:41

Peach!

Diddydollydo Fri 18-Jan-13 17:17:46

Your DP is being an absolute nob. (if of course this is a reverse AIBU).

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 17:18:05

Boulevard shock There's a thought.

Ra88 Fri 18-Jan-13 17:19:17

Grow up ... YABU and v childish!

HecateWhoopass Fri 18-Jan-13 17:19:39

Grown up who has a birthday every year v the one and only christening of a child.

hmm

I made sure I read all the way through cos I just knew it was a reverse!

Yes. It is selfish and childish. My birthday my birthday my birthday mememememeeeeeeeeee.

Plank.

StillSmilingAfterAllTheseYears Fri 18-Jan-13 17:19:47

I don't even see 30 or 40 as a big one. I think 18, 60, 70, 80 is enough for me. After 80 I want a massive fuss every time just in case.

Startail Fri 18-Jan-13 17:21:41

I'd expect an adult to move their birthday meal or whatever, to a convenient date.

I'd expect a child to do the same thing for a christening, Wedding or Adults 40th etc. party.

Grow Up as others have said.

ProudAS Fri 18-Jan-13 17:22:21

I've got some sympathy with the OP as she'd been assured DN's christening wouldn't clash with her birthday and it not nice to be messed around. Even if she hadn't made firm plans they had still arranged to spend the day together and do something nice.

Whilst birthday celebrations can be moved and come round every year I do think her DP should have discussed it with her before accepting the invite.

Winterbluesinmyhead Fri 18-Jan-13 17:22:54

smile at the comments that it's not really a reverse AIBU and I was being clever at hiding my strop...

Now I've confessed it was in fact him he's getting called an arse, idiot, etc, ie: worse than what posters put when they thought a woman (me) was the one getting stroppy...that's exactly why I reversed it!

Yfronts Fri 18-Jan-13 17:24:26

Come on, your a grown up and can celebrate another weekend. It's not like you have booked a weekend in Paris to celebrate your birthday and the date is unmovable. You could turn the christening day into something special. Visit somewhere nice on route

BlackBagBorderBinLiner Fri 18-Jan-13 17:25:33

Leave the bastard!! grin

FredFredGeorge Fri 18-Jan-13 17:28:36

The fact it's a christening and a birthday is irrelevant really.

The question is "Should I do what I want to do on the sunday, over what I've agreed previously to do with my DP."

For me I would not choose a christening of a nephew over my DP, the birthday of my partner sounds like a great excuse to avoid the occasion. But of course the real answer is it depends. A DP should care little enough about their birthday that they can celebrate it another day, but tbh it sounds to me as much that he doesn't want a long drive for a pointless occasion after working the two previous days and is hoping that his birthday might get him out of it. And he certainly shouldn't have to go even if you want to.

Bogeyface Fri 18-Jan-13 17:29:22

Buy him a big suitcase for his birthday, so he can pack all his toys stuff and sling his hook!

I would say that he is being childish, but my 7 year old wouldnt mind something like this in his birthday, and your "D"P is 5 times his age!

Bogeyface Fri 18-Jan-13 17:30:19

And yes, I would have said exactly the same if your OP hasnt been a reverse post!

StuntGirl Fri 18-Jan-13 18:08:31

Gosh do you lot really not celebrate your bithdays? Sod that for a game of soldiers! Sounds like you could all use a bit more enjoyment in your lives, maybe you should take it up ;)

I can understand someone being miffed if their birthday clashes with another event. That alone doesn't make you childish. It's just different expectations and perhaps a lack of communication - both assumed their event was the one that was going to be prioritised. If both dig their heels in now then both are being childish, time for a bit of adult dialogue to try and get a solution that suits you both.

biscuit

OlivetheotherReindeer Fri 18-Jan-13 18:43:18

YABVVVVU. How childish, are you 12?

elliejjtiny Fri 18-Jan-13 18:49:23

Well I think your DP is NBU but I am biased as DS3 was christened with none of his aunts or uncles there (DS1 and DS2 had some but not all) and I spent my 30th birthday with norovirus and nothing is going to get in the way of my next one grin

It's not about his birthday at all OP - he hates your family, doesn't want to go to a gathering, and fondly imagined this crock of shite about his birthday would have you rushing to agree not to go and to stay at home opening cans and possibly shagging all night instead.
If it wasn't his birthday he'd have come up with something else.
Go on your own and tell everyone who asks that he isn't with you because it's his birthday and he's sulking about being overshadowed by a baby and not getting a blow job/pissed up the night before. It's the truth so you can even tell the vicar in church grin

How many times do you reckon this baby is going to be Christened?

And how many birthdays have you had?

Grow up and get a grip.

WTF is it with whiney moany grown ups thinking their birthdays should take top priority over anything else.

I posted without reading all the thread and have just seen that Oh The Humanity has already said what I just said. blush

Your dp is a friggin immature nutcase who needs to go in search of His Plot!

Not sure where he lost it, or if he ever had it.

LTB.

mrsjay Fri 18-Jan-13 19:04:55

did you lie down and stomp as well dont so silly grow up and go to his nephews christening theres a good girlie

mrsjay Fri 18-Jan-13 19:06:00

is this a reverse it isn't it blush I should read on he is being an arsehole go to the christening without him

MamaMumra Fri 18-Jan-13 19:09:31

Sorry to say YABU.

showtunesgirl Fri 18-Jan-13 19:10:07

People, read threads before posting!!!

OP, your P is being a Prick with a capital P!

MamaMumra Fri 18-Jan-13 19:10:43

blush

mrsjay Fri 18-Jan-13 19:11:24

but *showtunes it was soooo long grin

MamaMumra Fri 18-Jan-13 19:13:04

Yeah DP... If you're reading this, don't be a dick!
Apologies for not reading the thread before I posted. YADNBU.

showtunesgirl Fri 18-Jan-13 19:16:52

I must be weird or something then as I always read whole threads before posting. blush

StuffezLaBouche Fri 18-Jan-13 19:17:40

I would bet my last penny this is NOT a reverse AIBU and the OP was just surprised to get so many YABUs and didn't fancy facing the "haterzz!"

mrsjay Fri 18-Jan-13 19:19:13

I sometimes usually do depending how many pages it is

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 19:23:19

So it really is just me and Stuntgirl who don't spend our birthdays in a hairshirt charging around with a clipboarded list of Other People to Satisfy?

(And the OP's DP, but he is possibly a bit of a knob.)

DoodlesNoodles Fri 18-Jan-13 19:23:55

OP,

Oh dear, you can't win sometimes with MN. Damned if you do damned if you don't smile

I hope you enjoy the christening and your DP (darling pillock) enjoys this thread.

DameFanny Fri 18-Jan-13 19:26:07

Ooh blackbagborderbinliner you just sent me on a trip down memory lane...

dikkertjedap Fri 18-Jan-13 19:29:08

Just go to the Christening with or without your DH.

Your DH needs to grow up.

LemonBreeland Fri 18-Jan-13 19:30:51

Why does he need to celebrate his birthday on the actual day. What is wrong with having a night out on the Friday? Or heaven forbid even another weekend.

He is completely pathetic.

Reverse, not reverse, man, woman, age, whatever - all irrelevant.

Christenings trump almost every other occasion. Weddings & funerals at the top of the list.

Am I allowed to use a gavel or have they fallen out of favour?

Blu Fri 18-Jan-13 19:39:00

I am less surprised that a man is unwilling to go to a Christening, though. Sexist generaliser that I am grin

fuckadoodlepoopoo Fri 18-Jan-13 19:42:05

Now I've confessed it was in fact him he's getting called an arse, idiot, etc, ie: worse than what posters put when they thought a woman (me) was the one getting stroppy...that's exactly why I reversed it!

I was just about to call you an arse as well op before i read that it was reverse.

Snazzynewyear Fri 18-Jan-13 19:52:26

Given that usual plans are to go for a big Saturday night out with friends, it makes lots more sense to just do that but on the following weekend anyway! <waves at OP's DP>

momb Fri 18-Jan-13 19:53:03

Well, he's not unreasonable to be a bit disappointed initially if he was expecting a special day for the two of you together. He is being unreasonable to not take a deep breath, slap a smile on and plan something for the following weekend instead.
It's a family commitment. You both need to go unless prevented by illness/fire/flood. If he's a DP rather than a BF then he can't not go either.

I guess he is just not that serious about you, if he thinks he does not have to go to your nephews Christening.

sukysue Fri 18-Jan-13 20:02:57

Well I have to say I think it's not very nice of you to be like this about his nephew, he's only a child and you are supposed to be the grown up in all this . Try and put a different spin on it and think instead brilliant we can combine my birthday with a lovely family celebration come on now you can do it.

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 18-Jan-13 20:08:10

PureQuintessence
"I guess he is just not that serious about you, if he thinks he does not have to go to your nephews Christening."

That is a fairly huge leap and not far away from a controlling attitude.

pippibluestocking Fri 18-Jan-13 20:10:07

Er - how old are you?

ZZZenAgain Fri 18-Jan-13 20:13:40

well whoever is having a birthday on the Sunday of the christening and is working the Friday and Saturday nights prior to the birthday, is that person working Friday and Saturday night the next week? If not, have the party or celebration a week later and be the bigger guy wrt the christening. An extra week to prepare, lose weight, bake a cake, etc

I have postponed my birthday a couple of times because dd had a concert or dh was overseas. Not that I make a big hoo-ha out of it as a rule anyway. Dd has had her birthday party a week late because another girl in her class was having a party on the same day. These things happen, it is no big deal in the end.
The birthday man or woman can get breakfast in bed and a present on the actual day and have a celebration a week later. It is no problem

StuntGirl Fri 18-Jan-13 20:17:57

It seems so madbuslady! Birthdays are lovely at Chez Stunt, everyone gets cards and presents and decorations and balloons regardless of age. I am partial to birthday badges and that glittery crap you put inside cards too grin I make cakes for everyone, I'm actually currently sourcing a Hulk Hogan shaped cake tin for my brothers next birthday cake! He'll be 25.

Mind you, I like Events of any kind full stop, so I would be partial to a christening too. I was discussing this thread with my boyfriend earlier and we decided if we were in this situation the birthday boy/girl would be a bit disappointed initially to have to share their day but we'd make up for it with a yummy breakfast in bed, a fab family get together at the christening then go out for a lovely meal later. Plus knowing our friends and family the beers would be flowing for the birthday person anyway. Best of all worlds!

feministefatale Fri 18-Jan-13 20:20:01

HOld on, I think if someone is going to reverse AIBU, I don't think you can blame posters for not trawling through 8 pages, just to find that out.

feministefatale Fri 18-Jan-13 20:21:40

tell him to go go to the christening first thing and then go out, if you can face him after he has been a such a whiner

MamaBear17 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:29:47

YABU as other have said. It is your nephew and he will only have one Christening. My 30th is coming up this year and I am trying to organise a birthday lunch (and my first ever birthday party - I have never had one) and hubby has agreed to one date but only if his team arent playing football that day! At least your husband has a proper reason!

Spuddybean Fri 18-Jan-13 21:13:52

Madbus and Stunt - i also make a massive fuss of birthdays, my own and DH's (this year i knew our baby would be a few days old so 2 months before i bought and wrapped lovely presents and we went on a lovely mini break to the peaks)...BUT i am happy to share the celebrations with others happy occasions and also fine to have the fuss on another day, all the fun is about sharing and seeing loads of people - i usually spread it out over numerous weekends...in fact i don't have a birth day i have a birth month and it's just an excuse for enjoyment, if an excuse was needed. no presents are expected btw

However, I think if you insist it's celebrated on the day, regardless of what else is going on, and demand a fuss be made over you rather than just sharing the fun, then you are immature and a bit of a childish prat.

nannyof3 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:15:53

A christening is a million times more important than a birthday...

Family should always come first!!!!

FredFredGeorge Fri 18-Jan-13 21:25:35

nannyof3 If you're not religious, why is a christening relevant at all, I would be pretty unlikely to do a long drive for a christening of a niece or nephew.

And why does a nephew trump a partner, surely both are family?

OxfordBags Fri 18-Jan-13 21:29:10

Can you imagine being an adult and actually saying to other adults, "Sorry, we can't come to your child's christening because it's on my birthday"?! Might as well end with "Also, you smell of weewee, you big poo-face, ner ner!".

I would be momentarily miffed for a nanosecond and then think of fun birthday things to do the day before. It also gives you an excuse to buy a really nice outfit for your birthday, which you don't generally do!

apostropheuse Fri 18-Jan-13 21:34:05

I hate "reverse" AIBU. What is the bloody point of them?

They're just so stupid.

Anyway, I don't think this was originally a reverse AIBU I think the OP was embarrassed into it becoming one.

SamuelWestsMistress Fri 18-Jan-13 21:38:24

YANBU.

Only joking! Of course you are.

shesariver Fri 18-Jan-13 21:51:27

What is the point of reverse AIBU? Lots of people inevitably dont realise or see, long after OP has confessed so the thread becomes boring and nonsensical.

2rebecca Fri 18-Jan-13 22:49:01

I hate reverse AIBUs because there is no real debate on them and the poster just uses them to manipulate the other person they are fighting. I think the OP should grow a pair and be able to tell her husband he is being unreasonable without getting the backup of mumsnet first.
I do like birthdays however, and wouldn't expect my birthday to be ignored if I was going to a small sprog christening. I'd still expect presents!

StuntGirl Sat 19-Jan-13 02:25:23

See I do think the OPs partner has reacted childishly, but its like I said in my first post its just mixed expectations. A bit of a chat should come up with a compromise.

I'm just not of the mind that "Fuck your birthday we must all cease celebrating birthdays you pathetic, whiny child" is anywhere on the compromise list.

holidaysarenice Sat 19-Jan-13 02:34:27

Grow up! Go to the christening, do something nice on the way home.

Actually who is the adult, and who is the baby??

sashh Sat 19-Jan-13 05:51:57

Birthdays happen every year, christenings happen once.

exoticfruits Sat 19-Jan-13 06:05:33

I am not going to read every post to find out if it was reverse or not- the whole thing is silly- just celebrate your birthday a different day.

2littlemonkeys Sun 20-Jan-13 12:23:03

Yabu is it a special birthday?

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