to want my in-laws to just go home now...

(98 Posts)
Florabeebaby Thu 17-Jan-13 19:58:00

they have been here for 7 weeks...the flight is on Sunday.

We have a 2 bed flat, DD 2yr and DS 3m...AIBU to want them to go home now and give me my home and my TV back?

If they ever come back again it's not for more than 2 weeks...otherwise DH will be faced with divorce papers.

That is all.

Euphemia Thu 17-Jan-13 20:00:42

Seven weeks good grief you poor woman. I assume they live in another country?

marriedinwhite Thu 17-Jan-13 20:01:55

YABU. But only because you are clearly a saint to have managed to put up with them for 7 weeks. I think you are entirely reasonable to want them to go home now but you have clearly done exceptionally well for 35 days and nights and it would be a shame to lose the upper hand by pissing on your own parade now when there are are only three more sleeps to go.

thanks recurring and in spades.

DeafLeopard Thu 17-Jan-13 20:03:11

7 weeks shock

Sunday not too far away

Florabeebaby Thu 17-Jan-13 20:03:55

Yep...3 hour flight away.

They were supposed to be here to help me but all they really have been doing is shopping and eating...and expecting entertainment. I enterntain my DD, not them! Not that I can even speak the language...sounds brilliant, eh!

Really struggling, I know it's only 2 days but really struggling....

Poor poor you.

Could you go and stay with your parents the next two days?

Mynewmoniker Thu 17-Jan-13 20:11:36

What about flooding your house by loosening a few radiator pipes or removing a main fuse to effect a 'power cut'.

OR

Feed yourself lots of garlic and have long face to face conversations with them.

They'll only WANT to stop for two weeks next time. grin

Squeakygate Thu 17-Jan-13 20:13:36

Do you have any friends to call upon / who can pop round? Dilution with more people certainly helps me.

Spuddybean Thu 17-Jan-13 20:14:13

holy fuckamole! 7 weeks!!! shock

ISeeSmallPeople Thu 17-Jan-13 20:14:36

Poor you.
3 hours is hardly longhaul. They could have driven home for the weekend!
Don't consider moving to a bigger place. Next time kids will be bigger & you have NO room. But there is a nice hotel down the road...

CunningPlan Thu 17-Jan-13 20:15:04

Only three hours away? I was fully expecting you I say they lives in Australia.

YANBU. But also what married said.

Next OP you'll be putting your foot down, won't you OP grin

MrsMushroom Thu 17-Jan-13 20:16:59

Yanbu. I had MIL with us for two months once.

It never happened again.

Sounds like an absolute nightmare - you deserve a medal!

You are nearly there! You can do it! (Go to bed early to escape? I guess the dcs are in your bedroom though?)

happynewmind Thu 17-Jan-13 20:21:23

7 weeks??? I love my mum dearly but after 5 days at Christmas we had both had enough!

Where do people get off imposing themselves on others for this length of time, I'd have a hard time hiding my rage at the invasion. I would never allow this, how can you even enjoy your new baby with other people around your house constantly.

SpottyBagOfTumble Thu 17-Jan-13 20:28:30

shock ya d nbu!

marriedinwhite Thu 17-Jan-13 20:30:38

Could you phone your mum and plot a cunning crisis that means you have to go to hers until Sunday morning and give them the impression you are the perfect daughter as well as dil and come back on Sunday morning or Saturday evening revived and charming to see them on their way.

They will remember the ending OP - for a very long time. Put yourself first for the next few days so it is a good one. >>>>>>hugs<<<<<<<<

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 17-Jan-13 20:33:06

Dont think i'd manage 7 minutes, you must have the grace of a saint.

LucyGoose Thu 17-Jan-13 20:35:59

Sorry, they only live a 3 hr flight away? Why the heck were they there for 7 weeks? After 9 days at xmas with inlaws I was a raving madwoman.

If you want to vent, this is the place - go on, we can commiserate.

Living a 3 hour flight away is not grounds for a 7 week visit. 1 is acceptable. 2 if you're generous and patient. 7? You must be mad grin

Florabeebaby Fri 18-Jan-13 07:25:33

Sorry Idisappeared...FIL took the laptop for all night! As usual...

My mum lives another 3 hour flight away (in another country) so I'm stuck...count to 10 and breathe!

Last night just was too much, we had a doctors appointemnt for DS who was born prematurely and didn't get home tilll late so dinner was frozen pizza and salad. FIL truned his nose up at it and demanded an omelette instead...I did not cook it, MIL did. He gets treated like a child!!
No thought on their part to prepare someting while we were all out. they didn't want to have DD either so she came to the hospital with us!
They have been out with DD twice in the whole 7 weeks...to the shops and then were surprised she was whinging all the time.

I am NEVER doing this EVER again!!!!

WaynettaSlobsLover Fri 18-Jan-13 07:28:35

Oh my god I genuinely don't know how you survived!! Well done OP. where are your pil from? And yanbu!

AThingInYourLife Fri 18-Jan-13 07:32:40

Let them stay in a hotel from now on.

If they won't muck in like family, they shouldn't be treated as such.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Fri 18-Jan-13 07:34:28

shock 7 weeks!

My mum stayed for 2 nights once when I'd been in hospital and she wanted to help, I begged her to go homegrin I can't share my home with anyone!

You deserve a medal op, I have no clue how you have survived!

diddl Fri 18-Jan-13 08:13:18

YABU for ever agreeing for 7weeks-and at your place!

What has your husband been doing in all this time?

Working as norma??hmm

Mosman Fri 18-Jan-13 08:24:32

My MIL stayed for 10 weeks, I have never been so unhappy in my life. She is threatening a four week visit next week I have told DH it ain't happening, can't wait for the fireworks/fall out.

Mosman Fri 18-Jan-13 08:25:24

Next week = next year, see that's how stressed I am at the thought

Yfronts Fri 18-Jan-13 08:30:35

Can you go out and see friends for the day/evening and leave them in charge of DD and meals.

Yfronts Fri 18-Jan-13 08:30:54

Hasn't your DH said anything to them and did they know that they were here to help?

ledkr Fri 18-Jan-13 08:37:56

Bloody hell. I'd be in a mental hospital. I can manage two days max. They are trying to force us to go on holiday with them. They have so far counteracted every excuse we have made so I'm now working on only going for half the week because "I can't get the time off work" that way dh will go ahead with the girls and ill have three days on my own!
Party anyone?

Lollybrolly Fri 18-Jan-13 08:38:03

I dont think it matters if you live on the moon. WHO?????? in theire right mind thinks it is OK to stay at anyones house for 7 weeks???

Really?? Who is the insane person for thinking this could ever be a good idea??

Forget its your in laws. Even if it was your best mate and their OH - this owould have been daft idea. Let alone the fact you live in a 2 bed flat.

I have every sympathy with the in laws thing. Our used to descend on us for open ended visits and after they once stayed for 3 weeks I said more less what I have said above.

I really dont get how anyone - guests or hosts can think this is a wise ide.

They could have come and stayed with you, then buggerd off somewhere else for a little while and then come back again. Stayed some nights somewhere localish inbetween - for all of your sanity.

Hang in there - its almost over.

7 weeks shock

QOD Fri 18-Jan-13 08:40:38

Omg

Poor you!!!!

steben Fri 18-Jan-13 08:44:03

I too was expecting you to say Australia - 7 weeks is a bloody long time to spend solidly with anyone never mind bloody in laws. You deserve a medal OP!

steben Fri 18-Jan-13 08:47:47

Just read you second post on their shocking selfish behaviour. Surely your DH thinks that's not on? Having has to do hospital visits with a newborn and a toddler I know how stressful that can be. You have even more of my sympathy

lisianthus Fri 18-Jan-13 08:52:25

Oh wow. Just wow. You are amazing. And they don't even seem like nice PiLs! It would be bad enough if they were nice with such a long stretch of time, but unhelpful ones? Crumbs. You ARE a saint. Hang in there. wine

And I hope your DS is OK now.

Merrylegs Fri 18-Jan-13 08:52:29

Please tell me you don't live in Wales or Norfolk. They're closing all the airports. Snow....

pictish Fri 18-Jan-13 09:27:53

Seven weeks? SEVEN WEEKS??!!

No need. No need at all.

purplefairies Fri 18-Jan-13 09:36:16

OMG, I think a big shiny gold medal should be coming your way VERY soon!!!

I dread situations like this if we have DCs (TTC at the moment). My MIL lives a 2-hour drive away and insists that it's "not worth" coming to visit for less than a week. My parents live abroad (short-haul) and rarely come for more than 5 days - we also have a 2-bed flat. I find the whole not being able to relax and having to play host (MIL is the sort of person that expects a home-baked cake and the good china!) VERY wearing after only a few days. God knows how you have managed to stay sane so far!!!

princesschick Fri 18-Jan-13 09:37:40

YADNBU. And you have all of my sympathy too. I'm still living and working and being pregnant at the in laws whilst our house is being renovated. We've been here for months......... I started to lose the will to live a long time ago in the throes of horrific morning sickness. It's hell and moving day can't come to soon.

It's snowing today, which means more delays on the house SIGH.

Anyway, in laws on your own turf... and with a poorly baby....oh my. Here have some thanks and a brew and a bucket of wine

You're on the home straight now though. Grit teeth and soon they will be gone smile

EarlyInTheMorning Fri 18-Jan-13 09:41:25

So for 7 weeks you've had to look after your own two DC and a pair of lazy ungrateful adults who expect you to cater after them in return for... absolutely nothing. Like others said, I couldn't even live with my own mother for that lenght of time and she helps me massively with the DC. The inlaws... ha! You must be some sort of a saint. Hat off.

PS. I'm curious to know where they're from and what language they speak?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 18-Jan-13 09:47:37

If they are only a three hour flight away then I would have thought 1 or 2 weeks stays would be more than ample. My family stayed for a week over Christmas. It was lovely but also I think we were all glad to get back to our own homes at the end of it smile

BumbleBee2011 Fri 18-Jan-13 09:48:11

My mum lives in Australia and came to stay with us 4 weeks before DH and I got married...and to be fair she did walk the dog for us! (No DC at the time)

7 weeks with your PIL - you are a saint!

ovenchips Fri 18-Jan-13 10:07:42

You deserve a medal Flora.

And you're a better woman than me.

CecilyP Fri 18-Jan-13 10:22:44

7 weeks! In a 2-bed flat, with a toddler and new baby (premature), in winter, with a couple that do not help. You really are a saint, OP.

They sound a very selfish couple and I can't think what posessed them to think it was OK. Still you are on the home straight now - not long to go till they are on that flight. Put your foot down, if they ever suggest longer than a week again.

EuroShagmore Fri 18-Jan-13 10:33:13

You have the patience of a saint! I spent a week with my mother in law once and said never again!

Startail Fri 18-Jan-13 10:43:05

YANBU

I can manage three days of my parents, because they just don't do anything except chat.

To be fair my mum helped cook when her knees were better, but neither are great players with children.
They also judge the state of the house, silently, but they still judge.

I could have managed a week or two with my DEccentric late MIL.

DSIL and her DCs are great sadly they live a long way away and rarely come. They are always welcome, esp. If leave BIL to mind the animals.
(BIL is dim, even DSIL admits it and I find him hard work)

shock seven weeks!!! And they r still alive??? grin

Yanbu!!! Seven hours is e ough for me grin

RuleBritannia Fri 18-Jan-13 10:48:22

My MIL came to live with us (my XDH and two toddlers) for 6 months between selling her house and moving into a new flat when it was finished. She didn't like the way I did things houseworkwise.

We stopped talking to each other.

Mynewmoniker Fri 18-Jan-13 12:14:18

They won't get stuck with you with this snow will they???

Florabeebaby Fri 18-Jan-13 12:43:43

I will take that gold medal thank you. smile

DH lost the will to live about 3 weeks in (!!!)..he is self-employed so just works a lot...and takes DD out a lot. He is being wonderful, cooking, cleaning, bathtimes etc...the list goes on. I always wonder how he became the man he is when I spend time with PILs. Wonderful.

They are from Algeria, my French is veeery basic but I muddle through enough...it's been bloody hard work though.

DS is fine, his consultant was very happy so no worries there. But it's true, I feel like I am missing out on bonding with him a bit, I'm so busy all the time.

This snow is freaking me out...Heathrow better stay open on Sunday. And the roads clear so DH can drive there and back without problems.

Sunday night plan is take-away, film and sofa. Can't wait.

ps. Just had to rescue some of my DDs toys from the bags as well...If they ask me I will happily give some but come on, don't take.

Sorelip Fri 18-Jan-13 12:45:59

I don't want to freak you out but I've seen online that Heathrow has cancelled a load of flights.

Pigsmummy Fri 18-Jan-13 12:48:04

Wow, you are my hero.

Get some time off? Leave DC with DH and go shopping/coffee/hair cut/anything, you deserve it and the end is in sight!

shesariver Fri 18-Jan-13 12:51:55

Im a rather staunch defender of ILs on here as I feel some DILs are just too controlling and precious but congratulations OP, you have managed to get a YANBU from me, 7 weeks in your home - good god! Did you know it would be 7 weeks or have they just stayed longer than planned?

Florabeebaby Fri 18-Jan-13 12:52:30

Oh, cancellations I knew about...all this might affect the fligths on Sunday even if the snow is gone...

Typical.

They're stealing your DDs toys?! shock

And purplefairies a 2hr drive not been worth less than a weeks visit! I live in Yorkshire and we have friends in Leicester and we often meet just for an afternoon. Madness

thegreylady Fri 18-Jan-13 12:56:17

Why on earth do they want your dd's toys?

WaynettaSlobsLover Fri 18-Jan-13 12:58:27

Strangely enough flora....I did think they might be Arab!! Lol my in laws are too. Boys and men are waited on from my experience..hence fil having a paddy about wanting an omelette.

diddl Fri 18-Jan-13 13:06:51

Well for me, 7weeks would mean never ever having to host them again!

hugoagogo Fri 18-Jan-13 13:07:47

Lord!

My dm and sd stayed for 4 days one christmas, me and dh still talk about how terrible it was and how we thought they would never go home.

7 weeks <faints>

EarlyInTheMorning Fri 18-Jan-13 13:17:49

They're probably taking a toy as a momentum though...

DeepRedBetty Fri 18-Jan-13 13:22:25

dds toys????

Bonkers.

2rebecca Fri 18-Jan-13 13:41:51

Having parents and inlaws young enough to still be in employment stops this sort of stuff as they can't get that long off work. I wouldn't want anyone for longer than 2 weeks. They could stay in a b&b if they wanted to spend longer in the area. We both work and I don't want to run a hotel as well.

Hissy Fri 18-Jan-13 14:56:46

my EX was from Egypt. His extended family were exactly the same. Everyone steals from everyone.

7 weeks is excessive and for them to do jack shit in terms of helping, while typical, it's unacceptable tbh.

Don't have them back again to your home, put them in a B&B, regardless of what the Algerian Tradition is.... hmm Put it this way, if they were paying for it, they'd not stay in a B&B for months would they?

Glad to hear that your H doesn't expect to be waited on hand and foot like his father.

Florabeebaby Fri 18-Jan-13 15:35:47

It is tradition, shameful to not have people in your home.

DH has seen the error of his ways though...no more invitations from us to anyone.

Yeah, the stealing is weird...i've since discoverd a bar of soap and some make-up...weird.

They are not awful people, just a bit useless and FIL is someone who has never had to do anything for himself, even his clothes are laid out in the morning shock

I would never have married DH if he had been anything like it...it's like he doesn't quite belong to that family at all.

This afternoon I have played with DD and fed/settled etc DS, all the while MIL is watching telly (we have a satellite for arab channels)...DH and FIL are out...Just want everyone to go so that I can chill and watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! smile

oldraver Fri 18-Jan-13 15:57:08

Oh well I'm surprised the snow hasn't interfered with your satellite unplug the fucker

diddl Fri 18-Jan-13 15:57:49

"It is tradition, shameful to not have people in your home."

Tradition for who??

Not for you!

If it´s your husband´s tradition-why has he been ducking out of entertaining them??

Who is going to be ashamed of your husband if it doesn´t happen again-anyone important?

Florabeebaby Fri 18-Jan-13 17:12:51

Not my tradition! And never will be.

My DH has been doing stuff but I suppose he is a bit more comfortable...you know, can speak to them and so on. ;)

And I'm so used to walking around half-dressed etc and now I have to be on alert all the time...

It kind of worked when we didn't have kids but now...no way.

Good idea about the snow...it was off earlier this morning for a while so yes, I will unplug it and say it's the snow! Brill idea, can watch Emmerdale and Corrie then as well...ha!

WaynettaSlobsLover Fri 18-Jan-13 17:26:00

I deal with my arab in laws like this: I am European. That means I can still be a good cook, clean my house, be a good mother and have hobbies dont include just waiting on everyone all the time. I don't want my kids drinking loads of milk, please don't give me any diet or health advice since most of you are overweight/riddled with diabetes/health problems galore. Other than that I love you but don't take offence if in my culture we don't live in each others pockets. grin OP, I salute you as the fellow wife of a North African lol

Mynewmoniker Fri 18-Jan-13 18:37:19

You'll have to put HWBH on for the whole day to catch up...but it'll be worth it. You wont believe what happened today! grin

I don't know how you keep your annoyance contained. Especially now they've started nicking from you! Put a mouse trap in your make-up bag...that'll learn em!

2rebecca Fri 18-Jan-13 18:41:19

Why do relatives too old to have jobs want to steal a child's toys?

EyeoftheStorm Fri 18-Jan-13 18:56:05

I salute you, Florabee. My MIL came for three weeks (from Australia) after DS2 born prematurely. I ended up with PTSD. She was the straw that broke the camel's back. It would have helped if I couldn't understand what she said though wink

7 weeks!

Cortana Fri 18-Jan-13 20:01:10

<gets bunting ready for when they leave>

You, are a saint. YANBU!

pointythings Fri 18-Jan-13 20:32:49

OP, you are a goddess.

My ILs (when they were alive) were in the US, 7 hours away. And they never stayed for more than 2 weeks because they didn't want to impose. And they helped around the house, entertained the DDs, did laundry and shopping for us and were genuinely lovely.

And even then I was always glad to have the house to ourselves again, it's just different with long-staying house guests.

marriedinwhite Fri 18-Jan-13 20:36:34

Two more sleeps OP. Early night tonight and then it's nearly all over. >>hugs<<

DoodlesNoodles Fri 18-Jan-13 20:42:58

shock shock shock

7 weeks what were you thinking? What was your DH thinking?

Absolute madness.

Well done for getting this far without running away.

I bet you will miss them when they are gone jokes!

ChunkyChicken Fri 18-Jan-13 20:43:42

YADDDNBU!!! You are a saint, deserve a medal, all of the above!!!

SirBoobAlot Fri 18-Jan-13 20:48:33

Seven weeks?! Fucking hell woman.

Where in the country are you? I'm sure one of us can have a crisis and need some support...

Hope the snow doesn't delay their flight.

You are a saint. An actual saint.

ZZZenAgain Fri 18-Jan-13 20:50:39

don't do it again. Insist YOU must visit THEM to save them the hassle of travel. Then they can cook and clean and you can get out of the house and away from them when it is too much.

I really hope their flight isn't cancelled!

Florabeebaby Sat 19-Jan-13 13:41:36

Waynetta...are you me? smile Seriously, one more comment about my DDs ears NOT being pierced and I will run! She is 2, there is no need for it just yet...I decide when and IF she has hers done. Ugh.

MIL told me I will stay fat now because I have had 2 kids...nice. I'm size 10. And apparently half packet of biscuits is a nice breakfast. Poor DD has to eat horrible porridge...I could go on and on.

I can do it...last day, last day. Hoping the flight will be ok, at the moment all good but there is some snow tomorrow for London. They are getting a coach up now as I don't want DH to drive and get stuck on the way back.

Last night FIL got up at 2am and traipsed about for an hour...I can't wait for some peace and quiet..

Update to follow tomorrow...put the champagne on ice please!

Christmasberry Sat 19-Jan-13 15:07:33

Fingers crossed for no more snow, although if if did my hubby would have an extra day off work but your needs are far greater than mine smile

Is it a cultural norm to steal your DGD's toys or are they just a bit odd?

BarnYardCow Sat 19-Jan-13 15:54:36

I couldn't have done that, I like to put my jammies on when I get in for the evening, and hate having to be dressed up for visitors, that alone would have been enough for me, hope that plane goes!

zipzap Sat 19-Jan-13 16:38:59

Sounds like it is a cultural thing to think that what belongs to my son belongs to me - and by extension anything that belongs to his family is fair game. Bet they pick up lots more stuff in the next day or two now that it's finally time for them to be packing up to go.

Are you going to get dh to inspect their bags before they go to check they haven't taken anything that you really don't want them to take? (guessing that say make up is replaceable even if it's a pain to have to do so whereas an ornament inherited or a favourite but old jumper etc isn't...)

Good luck and well done on having got this far without resorting to violence!

Florabeebaby Sun 20-Jan-13 15:02:31

They are gone! I survived!!

diddl Sun 20-Jan-13 15:04:47

Hooray!!!!

Mosman Sun 20-Jan-13 15:14:00

Cheers grin

Hissy Sun 20-Jan-13 15:14:47

Oh Flora, I have been thinking of you ALL weekend! I am SO pleased to hear that they are gone!

For the love of GOD, turn a broom on it's head and stick it behind the front door, if they were the last to leave it....

That (apparently) keeps them away from your door for good.

CecilyP Sun 20-Jan-13 15:17:48

Really pleased for you Flora. I was really worried that you might be stuck with them for longer when I saw on the news about Heathrow. Hope you enjoy being able to relax in your own home again.

Mynewmoniker Sun 20-Jan-13 15:36:03

Here you are love...get this wine. You are a legend!

pixwix Sun 20-Jan-13 16:17:37

Bloody hell flora have been eating this thread whilst eating my tea, and my mouth has been open! (bits of chicken pie falling out attractively) You are awesome! but never again aye? and have you checked your silverware....?

iyatoda Sun 20-Jan-13 16:23:20

Op your post made me laugh and I am glad you survived the 7 weeks.

On the bright side at least your ILs gave you a lovely DH, he did'nt just drop of the sky. Most people irrespective of culture are quite different from their parents. I know I am

Florabeebaby Sun 20-Jan-13 17:22:03

smile We had a lovely walk and just had dinner wiht DD whilst DS is asleep...soooo nice.

Flisspaps Sun 20-Jan-13 17:26:43

HOORAY wine thanks

KindleMum Sun 20-Jan-13 17:34:01

You are amazing! (and a bit mad to have agreed to 7 weeks in the first place). I struggle with my MIL within hours! She's due for the weekend soon and it will take all the self-control and patience I have to not rise to her goading and passive-aggressive behaviour.

You're a star!

Chottie Sun 20-Jan-13 17:34:10

I've only just read this post. You are a much better person than me, I could not have had my MiL to stay for a weekend let alone 7 weeks.

I bet when they get home, they will be saying how wonderful you are, what fantastic children you have etc. to all their friends. smile

peterpie Sun 20-Jan-13 18:11:51

I have also just come accross your post. I bet you let out a huge sigh of relief! I had my Mother out to stay for 4 weeks over Christmas and New Year and even though she´s my own Mother it was absolute Hell - two words NEVER AGAIN!

Totally know where you´re coming from it was like having child no4 in the house - argh!!!!!

dutchyoriginal Sun 20-Jan-13 19:04:01

Hurrah!

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