To find friend with newborn a teensy bit smug

(123 Posts)
1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 22:37:33

Ok I know I am being V unreasonable but just wondering if anybody else has experienced the same.

Friend has always bit a bit of a know it all but is lovely otherwise. I was first out of all friends to have a kid and sort of muddled along best way I knew and think I did a pretty good job. Was really looking forward to friend having baby and having someone else in the group to share the sometimes mundane but wonderfully exciting world of babies with.

Anyway friend is completely sorted, done tons of research and v much doing AP - which is great for her but (although I ebf) AP wasn't for me or my DD. anyway I sort of feel like friend is a tad patronising with me, insinuating if I had coslept/used sling my baby would be sleeping through like hers, generally seems super duper confident (and a teensy bit smug) was even giving me advice on my toddler the other day.

I know I'm a total bitch for even thinking this way (obviously being super sensitive) don't know why I'm even thinking like this but its really grating on me. Friends baby is only a few weeks old so she has it all to come but has anyone else felt like this - or am I just a cow.

MammaTJ Wed 16-Jan-13 22:39:52

Just wait for her to have a second DC who will be totally different to the first. Then sit back with open arms ready to comfort her. All style of parenting work, some babies don't respond to any!! grin

shesariver Wed 16-Jan-13 22:42:54

YANBU, I cant abide people like your friend.

fuzzywuzzy Wed 16-Jan-13 22:45:31

Some people are lucky and have wonderful peaceful night sleepign babies.

Then there's me who had a colicky wouldnt sleep thro till forever babies.

I'd find a nicer friend to share the baby milestones with. Life's too short.

jojane Wed 16-Jan-13 22:46:27

In my experience NO-ONE gets a perfect child. She might have a 'perfect sleeper' but baby might be a fussy eater etc and kids routines especially babies, change all the time and in a few months time it might be up screaming all night!
Also agree on next child being totally different. For example I have brought my children up in the same way and ds1 was always good at going to bed, dd on the other hand took hours to get to sleep with hours of screaming if you weren't say next to her bed. Ds2 is somewhere in the middle, although he has a chronic ear infection problem which disrupts his sleep often.

Fakebook Wed 16-Jan-13 22:47:24

What's AP? confused

fuzzywuzzy Wed 16-Jan-13 22:47:57

AP=attachment parenting.

Yanbu - I hate smug gits like that. Your time will come when she is struggling. Just wait!

financialwizard Wed 16-Jan-13 22:49:12

Just sit back, relax and watch that PFB turn into a horrid teenager.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Wed 16-Jan-13 22:51:23


None of my babies slept through until they were about 2. Co sleeping or not.

She is just lucky or baby is still too small.

I was smug with mine for a whole two weeks. Then things changed.

5madthings Wed 16-Jan-13 22:51:35

Oh dear hopefully she doesn't mean to be smug and her baby is sleeping through at a few weeks? That's great for her but may well not last...bitter experience!

Just try to ignore it if you can, she is probably in that new baby its all so wonderful stage and will learn.

Fakebook Wed 16-Jan-13 22:53:22

Hmm. Why is everything given a name these days?

OP, so you're upset because you wanted to give unwanted advice and perhaps come across a bit smug for having already "been there", but your friend did it to you instead?


1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 22:54:42

Yep to be fair maybe I was a bit smug at the start - then the screaming started! I think I may just give her a slightly wide berth for awhile as we probably don't have as much in common as I expected.

poshme Wed 16-Jan-13 22:58:17

I had an amazing sleeper first baby. He slept through really early. He always settled easily. He slept for a long time. I worked really hard not to talk about it too much, and was never smug.
I know my friends hated the fact that I had an "easy" baby.

Fast forward a bit to potty training. Everyone else's toddlers got it easily. My son was a nightmare. A total nightmare. It took over a YEAR.
He was only finally properly "trained" just after he turned 4. (was fine at home btw, just would not use "strange" toilets... LONG story.

Bite your lip, smile sweetly and remind yourself - she will have problems with her kids (may even be having it now, just not wanting to say) - it all evens out!

Alligatorpie Wed 16-Jan-13 22:58:34

AP has nothing to do with a child sleeping through the night. I did t with both my dd's, one slept through the night at 4 years, the other is 7 months and still wakes up twice a night.

As a pp said, wait until she has a second dc.

When I was pg, I read a quote saying you should never criticize anyone with children older than yours. I have listened to that advice- maybe you could drop that quote into conversation.

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 16-Jan-13 22:59:06

Jesus. Wait til the silly cow has the terrible twos to deal with. This smugness never lasts long.....

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 16-Jan-13 23:01:12

Btw my slightly smug friend does AP...and is absolutely knackered and sometimes at the end if her tether. AP means eff all. I didn't do it with either of mine and they slept like angels from 5 and 6 months onwards. Depends on the kid.

catinboots Wed 16-Jan-13 23:02:50

WTF is attachment parenting?


Viviennemary Wed 16-Jan-13 23:04:49

YANBU. She sounds a total pain. I wouldn't see very much of her till she returns to normal.

SundaysGirl Wed 16-Jan-13 23:07:15

This happened to my sister. Turns out about three years later 'smug' friend admitted actually she hadn't had it all together, it had all been just like everyone else finds it and moments of WTF'ing and she was bullshitting because she wanted to portray herself as 'supermummy'.

She liked to give advice too. Based on what she SAID was happening with her little one's. Reality was somewhat different apparantly.

Oh and also? Yea some parents are lucky and get an early sleeper. Sorry but its bollocks all to do with superior parenting style and all to do with luck. See what happens in a few months.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Wed 16-Jan-13 23:07:53

Of course she's smug, she's got a new baby and all is going well.

She'll learn.

WTActualF Wed 16-Jan-13 23:09:23

My MIL always talks about how when DH was a baby she thought she was a wonderful parent because he was such a calm, happy baby who slept and fed perfectly etc. It was only when her second DS was born and she treated him just the same as DH but he was difficult to settle/ feed/ sleep etc did she realise that quite a lot was down to the nature of the baby, not her parenting.

Based on this, I fully expect DC2 due in a few weeks to be a challenge, since my DD is a dream child. Despite her beautiful behaviour and cheery loveliness I don't for a minute think its all down to our superior parenting and would never give advice to anyone else. Pride comes before after all. Give it time and your friend will learn this too.

CaseyShraeger Wed 16-Jan-13 23:09:26

If I'd had angel baby DC2 first I would have been an amazingly smug parent. Fortunately by the time she'd arrived I'd already had the harrowing experience of DC1 as a baby, so I knew that I was (second time round) just an amazingly lucky parent.

DC2 is now 4 and a total stropmonster, by the way. Terrible twos and threes and fours were much more of a shock, after her early placid months, than DC1's segue from one highly-emotional age to another.

1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 23:11:59

Catinboots - AP is (I think) keeping baby as close to mum as possible - baby wearing instead of buggies, co sleeping instead of cots, breast feeding and definitely never leaving baby to cry. Basically the complete opposite of how I was brought up!

I bf DD but the rest wasn't for me. DD hated the sling and i love my own space in bed. Maybe I'm being super sensitive that friend is so into AP and slightly feel like she thinks I didn't do things the right way. Really don't know why it bothers me though!

maddening Wed 16-Jan-13 23:13:20

Is she actually saying these things or just chatting about her journey as a new mum and you're taking it as a insult?

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 16-Jan-13 23:14:39

This is all true. My ds continues to be a sweet easy little boy who will sit happily with me in Costa and snuggle, whereas dd is a grabbing biting screaming little blighter who likes to be in control. They ate poles apart and I love it, but def have learnt my lesson about thinking how great my parenting was first time round.

Fillybuster Wed 16-Jan-13 23:16:03

YANBU. I would say 'bite your lip and bide your time' but that would imply you actively want her to experience a comeuppance, and I don't think you just don't like being made to feel as though you've somehow done it all wrong. You haven't. Smile and wave, and if she's making you feel like this (even by accident) maybe limit your exposure to her for a bit, as its not making you feel good about yourself?

countrykitten Wed 16-Jan-13 23:16:51

Good God there is some vitriol on here isn't there? Your friend (who you are bitching about on an internet forum - so not really your friend then....) has just had a baby,is thrilled and is finding her way with her child. How about being happy for her and minding your own business - you do your thing and let her do hers. Not rocket science is it?

Gumby Wed 16-Jan-13 23:18:35

Gawd attachment parenting sounds exhausting & back breaking

It's good to have a break

Ie child naps elsewhere so you can clean the loo without a baby on your back

HollyTheHedgehog Wed 16-Jan-13 23:20:36

BulllllSHIT her baby is sleeping through.
Betcha 4 shiny gold coins it aint. wink

1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 23:21:18

Maddening - I really don't know, maybe I'm just being super sensitive. It's early days and she obviously isn't thinking about deliberately having a go at me (she has a newborn & is rightly 100% engrossed as she should be) I think just the way she phrases things, advice she gives me, how I don't want to discuss things with her because she tells me what I should have done - it really grates. I'm a bitch - I think I just thought we would have more in common and it would bring us closer together - which was a bit daft really!

zzzzz Wed 16-Jan-13 23:22:45

My first baby(then aged 2) slept through a couple of weeks before my second was born, who slept through after a few days. I have three more....there I no sense to who behaves and doesn't.

New mums are exhausting. They can't help it, they are just a bundle of half formed theories, anxiety and burning ambition to be the best mother the world has ever seen.

Be kind if you can, insulate yourself from her if you can't. This time next year she will have calmed down.

zzzzz Wed 16-Jan-13 23:24:56

is no sense

GregBishopsBottomBitch Wed 16-Jan-13 23:25:57

My DD was a great sleeper from 3 weeks, still a pain in the arse 5 years later though, your friend wont be so smug forever.

Porkster Wed 16-Jan-13 23:30:54

I have a friend that did AP. For some reason it irritated pretty much everyone we know. It's all so terribly worthy.

And by the time the baby was a great big 1 year old and she was still wearing him 24/7, I did find myself saying 'fgs, aren't you hot?'

BollyGood Wed 16-Jan-13 23:33:40

Attachment parenting is where you stick your baby to you with a big piece of Velcro grin

Grapesoda Wed 16-Jan-13 23:35:21

Sounds like your friend is just gushing about her baby and talking about her experience. The way we all want to with our friends. She isn't actually saying that you should have used AP! You feel she is insinuating it. It's reasonable that this stirs feelings for you (btw, I am a fan of AP and have a toddler who often still wakes at night!!!) but I think you know it's not reasonable to label her as being smug.
And the posters who are suggesting you might look look forward to when she hits hard times, as though this will bring her down to earth - well, that's just not nice.

BollyGood Wed 16-Jan-13 23:40:35

I have 3 dc's and each one was a completely different baby from the other. This last little monkey is wonderful and jolly all day naps beautifully but will not let me SLEEP AT NIGHT!!! I too have a friend who said the other day that they didn't really know what all the fuss was about, you can still have your life as it was before once you have kids.

Well yes of course you can.... IF the baby is a sleeper and IF you have an army of people chomping at the bit to cook for you,babysit, do your garden and so forth. Lots of family help them out. We don't have that and our dc's have turned our lives upside down but for the best! And the key thing which has been said is this, our friends have only one and she is 4 months old. Mwahahaha ha.

I know I am horrid.

BollyGood Wed 16-Jan-13 23:41:00


BollyGood Wed 16-Jan-13 23:48:26

I genuinely am joking grapesoda. My dd is nearly 10 months now and has been glued to me, doesn't sleep very much at night and I am ebfing all purely by chance not intentional and too be honest it's been utterly exhausting although lovely. Sometimes it just goes right for some parents, I had my first baby fairly young and it was a breeze, I never realised how lucky I was!!! And at the time I may well have seemed not smug but definitely having an easy time of it and wondering why it was so difficult for others. Now I know 3 babies later! grin

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 16-Jan-13 23:48:32

Grapesoda. No need to pearl clutch. We are being completely realistic. It's a lesson every mother with one or more child learns.

wiltingfast Wed 16-Jan-13 23:48:48

Hah, just watch and wait OP! She's either lying and will crack eventually or her nice quiet baby will move on and change, turn into rampant tantrummy toddler ...

BollyGood Wed 16-Jan-13 23:49:58

Pearl clutch grin

Grapesoda Wed 16-Jan-13 23:51:28

No pearl clutching here. I'm just surprised at some of the comments as I said. Maybe they were tongue in cheek and I missed it. Entirely possible.

Hippee Wed 16-Jan-13 23:52:52

You can be friends with me and have all the smugness to yourself wink - my three children seem to tag team it on who is going to stop sleeping through, stop eating things and stop being potty-trained. I must have done everything wrongly.

Hobbitation Wed 16-Jan-13 23:53:33

I wonder if I came across like this as a new mum? I had no idea how to talk to other parents about their kids, and I felt very confident and happy about being a mum. Just another life skill to learn.

Grapesoda Wed 16-Jan-13 23:53:52

PosteD too soon.
I suppose my point is that the op's friend is probably not trying to be smug about her style of parenting, just talking about her experience which is all new and exciting.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 00:07:01

It is easy to come across smug without meaning to at all,hobbitation I think you summed it up well, you felt confident and happy. When things are difficult you can doubt yourself when others seemingly find it easier. That was me first time round too.Third time I am frazzled and looking for places to hide for a kip! And it isn't really even true that it necessarily gets harder and harder its the luck of the draw.

I think OP I would feel a bit put out if my friend with a first newborn tried to give me advice about my toddler too. However well meaning and whatever. You have been through more developmental stages and as I said no two babies or children are the same.

I felt immensely relieved when a Friend admitted she still helps her children wipe their bottoms as everyone else's dc's seem so independent. Dd2 (6!) would happily sit on the loo for hours waiting for me to come and do it than manage herself and its got nothing to do with mollycoddling it's just her thing. Unfortunately smile

MummytoMog Thu 17-Jan-13 00:07:28

My second slept even better than my first. Smug. I try not to be around friends though. Dont really think it was anything I did, and I have tried to emphasise that as well as share some of the things that did and didn't work for us in case they want to try them. Which might have come across as smug...

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 00:08:45

Do ebf babies REALLY sleep all night.... Mine must have hollow legs or something.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 00:15:22

My ebf dd slept all night because she had my tit in her mouth constantly as we co slept. Co sleeping for me personally has equalled no sleep far. Don't know about dc 3 who is due this year. You just never know.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 00:26:44

Co sleeping never worked out for us for numerous reasons but neither does trudging across the landing all bloody night either. Anyway will stop hijacking your thread OP. You are not a cow BtW

chipmonkey Thu 17-Jan-13 00:53:50

I was very smug when I had ds1. He slept through from an early age and was a goodnatured little man. I thought I had parenting sussed.
Then I had the others. Ds3 in particular knocked any smugness out of me!

Impatientwino Thu 17-Jan-13 03:11:41

Wait it out... She will soon experience the highlights of 4 month sleep regression, teething, constipation with weaning, 9 month sleep regression and so on...

Then you can smile and ask every time you see her how everything is going and is her baby still sleeping through... If the answer is no then ask again, daily smile

DH and I went out to lunch recently with our grumpy teething 6 month old and he wouldn't stay in the bloody buggy so we had to keep swapping holding him while the other had a bit of lunch, he was really whining and I ended up having to feed him and had chanced not wearing a nursing bra so it was a right faff and I had get up to change his bum and a women with her DP was looking all smug with her sleeping newborn next to them while they enjoyed their hot lunch!

I just thought ha, don't get used to it dearie, they wake up after a few weeks so this will be you soon! Just you wait!

Impatientwino Thu 17-Jan-13 03:17:22

My post reads a bit like i think my baby is just a pain and I don't appreciate how lucky I am! He's wonderful and I totally do! Sitting here having a night feed and a sneaky cuddle right now grin

YorkshireDeb Thu 17-Jan-13 03:42:16

Her baby is just a few weeks old? I remember walking round in a fog if 'everything's wonderful' in those days. I rember dp & I commenting that we couldn't understand why people argued about whose turn it was to change the nappy. Lo and behold, once the hormones wore off a bit, we had a much more realistic view - and I change way more nappies than him! Just nod & smile when she says stuff. It won't be long until she realises she does not actually know it all. X

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Thu 17-Jan-13 04:02:29

I've actually distanced a friend over this tbh because they don't change and perfect baby will become 'advanced toddler', will become 'G&T five year old'. It does get rather wearing when the whole conversation revolves around their child. Last straw came when I went there for a state and instead of just letting the kids play together, she practically had her son doing numeracy tricks like a performing seal.

retrocutie Thu 17-Jan-13 04:17:04

I hate AP parenting. I hate the way AP parents think they are so much better than the rest of us.

knackeredknitter Thu 17-Jan-13 05:34:44

I am AP parent aswell, but your friend is extremely smug.
Part of the thing about AP is to respond to the chid's needs and no-one knows your child better than you. Also, is her baby really sleeping through already? I use a sling, co-sleep etc and at 14 months my youngest still wakes for feed at least twice in the night and often won't go back to sleep after 6am.
My 3 year old has regular screaming competitions (or so it seems) with her 7 year old brother, and also doesn't sleep through.
Soon her baby will have a growth spurt, start teething, become mobile and start asserting his needs more, and yes you are right, she has it all to come.
Just smile politely and nod away, thanking her for her advice

exoticfruits Thu 17-Jan-13 05:52:21

I wouldn't worry - it is one of those cases where you smile, nod and change the subject - she may have read up all about AP but her baby hasn't! She appears to have decided what her baby will like in advance without waiting to see what the baby likes. They are all different!

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 08:15:18

I am an AP parent (didn't know there was a name for it until I found MN). But I certainly don't feel smug about it. It just suited us as a family I think. I have plenty of friends who chose different paths and most of the helpful easily seen as smug comments haven come from my friends who've not co slept or breast fed as their babies seem to sleep for England and there's often been the suggestion that I've made a rod for my own back. They may have a point grin but I think all babies are different. I'm hoping my dc2 will be a superb sleeper smile

CatsRule Thu 17-Jan-13 09:05:53

I haven't read all the responses in my sleep deprived haze I am unable to read much but from your op yanbu.

I cosleep, used a sling, bfeed...ds is like velcro 99% of the time and he is up most of the night. Her theory of "insinuating if I had coslept/used sling my baby would be sleeping through like hers" is clearly utter crap! I have actually, not followed, but accidentally fell into the same ap style parenting as your friend and it hasn't work the same way for me. We all parent the way our child needs. Like someone previously said, no two children are the same, her next might knock the smugness out of her grin

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 10:48:34

Reading this thread has made me pretty glad that I don't know people like you. How bloody mean spirited,envious and spiteful you all sound.

Cakethrow Thu 17-Jan-13 11:07:44

I have just had DC3 and when my friend was pregnant she asked me for advice. I just said 'do what's right for you' was the best advice I'd received.
Since she had her first DC just over a year ago she has taken it upon herself to 'educate' me on everything parenting/child/baby related. Unsolicited parenting advice, links to articles, trying to get me to buy things being sold by her friends (!) you name it - all delivered with a very patronising tone.
I'm too weak nice to say anything though and silently fume about it.

Cakethrow Thu 17-Jan-13 11:24:51

I'm not sure this is really an AP vs other parenting choice debate - it's really about the attitude of your friend (and countless others it seems!) who think they know it all and do everything better than everyone else.

I prefer not to label my parenting style as I do what suits me so I guess I'm a cakethrow parent.
Not sure the negative generalisations about parenting styles on here are very helpful.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:32:32

Bit harsh country

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:36:53

The discussion is mainly centred around other people hoisting their unwanted advice on you and it is okay to not want to have to listen to it. With a bit of banter. We are not mean and spiteful,you are quite rude actually.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 11:39:20

Country get real. Wait til you have a friend lecturing you about the benefits of montessori and how bad dummies are. I doubt anyone on here is 'envious' hmm we do have our own lovely dc's and parenting styles thanks very much.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:42:23

And another thing, many people have very poorly babies with allergies, intolerances and 'normal' advice on sleeping, feeding etc is simply impossible to follow however well meaning. Lots of parents assume because it works for them others may not be doing it properly. I have had this experience but I certainly wasn't rude to the person I question far from it. MN is a place you can talk about your feelings. Here have my very first biscuit for being grotty.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:42:54

' in question'

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 11:48:40

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RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Thu 17-Jan-13 11:54:13

Country I'll give you her number and you can hang out with her grin.

Seriously, I have not spurned this woman. I'm just meeting her for drinks and stuff where I can steer the conversation away from kids more easily (she is a fun and interesting person). I just dont want to spend an afternoon with her engineering ways to show how much her DS can do and pitting my DS and her DS against one another like a pair of lab rats when they could just be on their scooters. They're two.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 11:55:30

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BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:56:35

Can I throw some [biscuits] or is that not funny either?

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:58:56

Country, would you have preferred posters to reply to the OP telling her she is mean, spiteful etc would that have been a more adult response?

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 12:01:23

Ah,the good old pack mentality. Presumably you all think that baying that her friend will suffer in the end for her 'smugness' is also an adult response?

battyralphie Thu 17-Jan-13 12:01:30

you dont even have to wait until she has dc nr 2, sleep regression is probably just around the corner....!

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 12:02:36

And it's the pack response that I find mean and spiteful.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 12:06:02

Then I suggest a little trip to the Flouncers Corner, Country.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 12:11:51

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Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 12:14:35

I'm a bit surprised by the "she'll get hers" comments but maybe it's meant to be TIC?

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 12:49:55

I have read the whole thread bolly and have been dismayed by much of it. I have not flounced anywhere waynetta. My opinion is clearly out of step with most posters on here (I can handle that) and I accept grapesoda that maybe the comments were meant to be funny - they just did not come across that way to me.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Thu 17-Jan-13 12:54:43

"Oh, how I WISH I had done everything just like you did! What a mess I have made of being a mother..."

AlphaBeta2012 Thu 17-Jan-13 13:02:07

Country I can see where you are coming from and do think you are getting a bit of a hard time - though haven't read the whole thread I must admit!
OP sounds like your friend is just in that overwhelming, full of love stage where she is so proud of what she has produced in a beautiful baby and totally consumed by this. She probably isn't trying to me smug or annoying just totally blinded by her beautiful little bundle.
I don't like some of the comments about AP, if I had to label myself then, yes I am your classic AP style parent, I don't think this makes me a better parent than anyone else or worse, but it works for me and DS and with DC2 on the way I am totally committed to continuing this style. If a friend is having troubles or upset about their DC not sleeping etc. I will share experiences that have worked for me, maybe your friend is just trying to do this?

sweetkitty Thu 17-Jan-13 13:09:59

I had an angel baby in DD1, who slept through early, hardly ever cried, had to be woken to be fed. She still is a lovely little girl she's 8 now. Potty training was an utter nightmare though, she has the bladder of a walnut still has.

Then DD2 came along, treated the same, she never slept through until at least one, she's an awkward little thing always has been.

But then agin I had 2 others too.

Everyone thinks their baby or child is just perfect, she's still awash with lively newborn hormones, wait until that newborn is a stroppy 2 year old refusing to go anything. Oh how you will laugh

neolara Thu 17-Jan-13 13:12:45

I was reading a book on parenting teens the other day. It said something like "Don't take all the credit, Don't take all the blame". Seemed a very sensible way to approach all parenting.

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 13:15:56

Oh just go along with it.

#be a shoulder to cry on when she gets fed up with co sleeping and toddler won't sleep in cot.

#grin through the baby led weaning and agree that babies who were spoon fed puree are now adults who cannot eat any solid food except Macdonalds

#agree that prams are just baby prisons, ditto cots

#wait about 2 years and a second dc, and you will get your friend back and you will both giggle about the extremes but also accept some of these things worked for her, and it wasn't a judgement of you smile

McNewPants2013 Thu 17-Jan-13 13:28:09

my neice was a very good sleep, took to solids, potty trained within 2 days day and night, knows all her colours, shapes, numbers, letters and can do simple adding up and is a very polite little girl. I am very proud of her.

Not all babies turn into dreadful toddlers and it's very inmature to hope this baby with turn into babyzillar.

What i do it just focus on my own children achievments.

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 13:32:19

well done , mcnewpants, have a biscuit

blackeyedsusan Thu 17-Jan-13 13:34:40

ha, ha ha... wait til it's a toddler... or a teenager

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 13:37:39

my AP friend has two kiddies that she is gently suffocating with her love. I have a much older daughter. Friend v much surprised that she did not invent slings when I showed her a pic of me and DD1 wrapped round me in a sarong. Stunned silence. Condesending smile from me.

McNewPants2013 Thu 17-Jan-13 13:40:27

what the biscuit for.

I can say my children are the total opposite, ds aged 6 years is still waking in the night, had dietary issues and a whole load of other problems. Every thing with him has been a massive uphill struggle.

I am still proud of my niece and i think my sister as fallen in lucky to have had an easy baby. My sister is very supportive and has my DD for me. There is no resentment from me.

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 13:45:52

It is not resentment though McN, its folk thinking they have the whole thing sussed based on limited experience. My friend seems to believe that she has invented or innovated so many aspects of parenthood that it is staggering. She admits that she had no contact with babies through her life and was a later mother. then suddenly, you read a few books, and boom. its all sussed

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 13:54:45

No, my initial thought was correct. There's a fair bit of snide commentary on this thread. Some of it might be lighthearted but some, not so much.

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 14:00:16

Grapesoda thats that sorted then. We are all arseholes and there is only your view of the world that is correct. Thanks for noticing us from up there

perceptionreality Thu 17-Jan-13 14:04:18

YANBU at all - smug people like this are so annoying. I learned my lesson about not all children being the same. My first two never needed over the counter medications when they were ill - they tended to sleep quietly through it all. Then I had a child who screamed the house down at night when she had a cold or was ill. And suddenly I understood the value of Medised! Too bad they stopped it.

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 14:08:57

it's not about the child's behaviour - some parents will look at a badly behaved/poorly socialised child and describe them as 'a leader,' or a 'free spirit', in the sa,e way hey will look at their child who eats broccoli and attribute this behaviour to baby led weaning.

i've had three children and now realise everything good about them is mainly luck and the fact that they have messy bedrooms is down to my poor parenting grin

McNewPants2013 Thu 17-Jan-13 14:16:07

I think i get the comments now.

it's not about the child behaviour, it hoping that the parent has some sort of difficulty in parent so she can empathise with those who may struggle with something diffrent.

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 14:21:37

LoRaflores: WTF are you on about. I have said no such thing.
Some of the posts have sounded harsh and bitter. Translating that into my saying that ALL posters are arseholes and only my views of the world is correct is nothing short of deranged.
Wind your neck back in and have a milky drink FGS!

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 14:26:46

I think it's about acceptance that when parents struggle with some aspects of parenting it often isn't their fault, it often isn't about parenting methods, it's about the temperament of the child.

so it can seem rather smug to look at your non fussy eater and attribute that to your careful menu planning or your nephew who has an outgoing and confident nature, and deduce that is down to attachment parenting.

alot of the time it is down to the child. the more children you have, the clearer this becomes.

PartTimeModel Thu 17-Jan-13 14:29:06

Just wait ............ grin

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 14:29:18

Grapey winding as we speak but am lactose intolerant. Any suggestions for an alternative all knowningness?

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 14:30:30

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PartTimeModel Thu 17-Jan-13 14:44:58

I guess a lot of people might describe what I do as AP - slings, co-sleep, EBF, BLW for DD1 (but DD2 never took to it) but I don't see it that way. I'm just quite lazy and did what was easiest for me grin

I don't see this as being an AP issue - she just sounds all caught up in her baby and she sounds like she has an 'easy' baby so far. We get told so much when PG about how hard it will be with a newborn, when you get an 'easy' one first time I bet loads of people are either hugely relieved & count their lucky stars, or alternatively may think that they are a parenting genius and why doesn't eveyone do it this way and save themselves a lot of trouble. "Why this isn't hard at all - it's a doddle". If that is the case, she has lots to learn fast approaching, and like us all, lots of parenting adventures, surprises and challenges to come.

She may be smug she may not be. She might not be getting at you at all OP - you might be being v sensitive about it. Try not to take it personally.

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 14:46:16

And no, no alternative.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 14:58:03

Have you eaten your biscuit yet grapesoda

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 16:18:14

Waynetta think she may have choked on it.

Posterofapombear Thu 17-Jan-13 16:21:59

I always said that babies behaviour was down to parenting.

Then I had DD.

Just smile and nod at her because its easy to be smug when you are naive!

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 17:05:50

Is there a reason for you being so offensive to me?
I have not made one smug comment or criticised anyone's choice of parenting style. I certainly haven't suggestedd that the way I do things is better than anyone else and yet I've Been accused of "pearl clutching" referring to to others as "arseholes" and now you want me to choke on a fucking imaginary biscuit.

exoticfruits Thu 17-Jan-13 17:06:21

I thought the same Posterofapombear- it makes me cringe now!
Best not to comment- just smile and nod!

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 17:09:11

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countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 17:37:07


Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 17:47:21

Oh I see. All you're really saying is that the playground bullying behaviour is acceptable because your opinion differs from mine.

RainbowsFriend Thu 17-Jan-13 18:31:51

Not read the whole thread but you could always tell her about my DD -

slings - check
bedsharing - check
Bfed - check
AP - check

Still not bloody sleeping through the night at 18months and never has - in fact everyone is telling me that the AP has caused it grin You can't win whatever way you choose to do it.

(And before I get jumped on for it - I only AP because I discovered that the way we were muddling along and using our instincts had a "name" which meant I could validate why I don't do other stuff like sleep training without a huge argument)

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 18:43:15

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TandB Thu 17-Jan-13 18:57:20

DS1 was the ultimate Amazing Angel Baby. I take all the credit. It was all about nurture.

DS2 is stroppy, stubborn and prone to the odd bout of sleep-resistance. I blame nature.


Just laugh in to yourself when she has an unruly 2 year old who refuses to sleep or eat.

Twattybollocks Thu 17-Jan-13 19:53:40

Yanbu. I've had 2 nightmare babies (colic, reflux, tongue tie, bottle refuser) and was told its because I'm an anxious parent. bollocks I say, they were just difficult babies. I'm hoping and praying that this baby is sweet tempered, feeds normally and sleeps even just a little to prove people wrong!
Actually I have a good friend whos first baby is about 9 months old, he is a lovely smiley little chap, she's never had a minutes bother with him, but instead of being smug about her parenting she is totally humble and grateful to have such an easygoing baby, and has already said laughingly he will probably be a demon toddler, so I forgive her completely and am ready with the tissues for if things go wrong in a few months!

Two words:

Sleep. Regression.

Aethelfleda Thu 17-Jan-13 20:05:14

OP, the smug and super-sorted mummies are (the huge majority of the time) lying. The other small minority are just darn lucky! There are an awful lot of good actresses in the new mum camp.

At some point when you feel up to it have her over for a cuppa and say quietly "I'm glad you're doing ok, but it's knackering sometimes isn't it?"
Then listen and you may find out how she's really feeling.

VenusRising Thu 17-Jan-13 20:12:45

It's an egg and spoon race.
And it ain't over till its over (which may be never)

Have fun with your own baby!

FobblyWoof Thu 17-Jan-13 20:19:19

I think everyone is smug with their first, especially in the first few weeks. Even the ones with screamers because they're still these precious little bundles that they've been waiting for.

I had the best little sleeper- but I knew it had sod all to do with me because she did it from day one (and I may have not told my mummy friends this because I didn't want to seem like I was showing off!)

Junebugjr Thu 17-Jan-13 20:24:35

Just cheerfully ignore it. Life has a way of de-smugging people quite fast!!

Wait til her dc is 18 months and a complete nightmare grin
I wa smug with DD1 who was a very nervy baby, but slept and ate very well. I never remember even being tired, as she slept through so early. She also went in her cot early with no fuss, and was generally easy. I used to honestly think it was my superior parenting and couldn't understand why some people had non sleepers. Along came DD2, who never slept til she was 13 months, and would scream if she even saw her cot let alone be put in it.
Just enjoy your baby and nod sagely when listening to her.

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