AIBU to think this is a bonkers way of potty training?

(44 Posts)
anothershittynickname Wed 16-Jan-13 20:19:15

So, my SIL is attempting to toilet train her DS by only putting him on the potty / toilet when he asks to go for a wee / poo!

They are encouraging him to tell them when he needs to go.

HOWEVER, they are keeping him in nappies the whole time and saving his big boy pants for when he is using the toilet / potty more!

Am I missing something? I just can't understand how they think this is going to work :-/

amazingmumof6 Wed 16-Jan-13 20:24:25

I do the same with my boy/s (but toilet, hate potties)

or sometimes I ask him if he wants to go after a bath or when I'm about to put a clean nappy on.

whatever suits.

why does it bother you? I'm sorry but I don't think it's any of your business anyway...or mine actually

JumpHerWho Wed 16-Jan-13 20:26:48

Seems pretty sensible to me - what's the problem?

<disclaimer - DS is but 12mo, I may have much to learn>

Shakey1500 Wed 16-Jan-13 20:27:07

It might work, who knows? Up to them and what method they want to try. Never heard of the method before but it's not to say it won't work. Could be a revolutionary new method grin

anothershittynickname Wed 16-Jan-13 20:28:09

First reply and I get a "none of your business"!!

I never said it was, I asked a question - is that easy enough for you to understand!

A question which, by the way, you haven't answered by thanks for your input [rollseyes]!

wigglesrock Wed 16-Jan-13 20:29:43

Well, how old is he? I have a 23 month old dd who I had absolutely no intention of toilet training for a good while. However she has 2 elder sisters who she sees going to the toilet before the bath. She is now shouting "loo, loo" and actually doing a wee before bath now. But I'm keeping her in nappies, at the minute its working for us.

I'm a bit confused I've always encouraged my kids to tell me when they need to go, sort of avoids the wetting themselves.

Shakey1500 Wed 16-Jan-13 20:29:59


GoingVerySlowlyMad Wed 16-Jan-13 20:30:56

It wouldn't be how I would do it! My mum, CM and HV all advised removing nappies and pull up pants and putting in proper underwear and taking DC to the toilet very frequently at the the start until they learn to feel the sensation of needing to go.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anothershittynickname Wed 16-Jan-13 20:33:13

shakey - this is what I was thinking, something new!

I just don't get how my DN won't get confused IYSWIM

fairylightsandtinsel Wed 16-Jan-13 20:34:23

well we've been using the approved "no nappies" approach for the last 8 months with DS and he still hasn't 100% got it so no method is fool-proof. Let them try. They may be lucky and have it done and dusted in a week envy

anothershittynickname Wed 16-Jan-13 20:36:05

goingveryslowly THANKYOU - maybe I'm just shit at explaining my point but this is it :-)

Shakey1500 Wed 16-Jan-13 20:36:33

Actually I was "oo-erring" at your "is that easy enough for you to understand" comment.

anothershittynickname Wed 16-Jan-13 20:41:29

shakey - I wrote that before I saw any other comments - it was directed at post #2

ClaireDeTamble Wed 16-Jan-13 20:44:50

That's how I potty trained my DD.

She started showing an interest at about 22 months so we switched to pull-ups and let her dictate the pace.

Within 2 weeks she was doing all poos on the toilet and was completely dry and out of pull-ups during the day by a couple of weeks after her second birthday. Also, she never really used a potty - just took straight to the toilet.

We would ask her if she needed a wee before going out and periodically throughout the day, but if she wee'd in her pull-up we just changed her without making a fuss.

When she'd been consistently dry all day for about a week we switched to pants and only ever had a handful of accidents while she was awake - she did have a few accidents during naps if we forgot to put a pull-up on and she wasn't dry in the night until she was four - but sleep dryness is hormonal anyway.

I think it's a great way to train if it suits the parents and the child - hardly any accidents, not having to stick close to home for a few days when starting to train, not ending up with wee all over the floor and not having to bother with the travel potty.

It was totally not a big deal.

anothershittynickname Wed 16-Jan-13 20:49:46

Maybe it's me then :-/

I thought the sensation of feeling wet (which they don't in nappies) was gave them an incentive, for want of a better word, to go on the potty / toilet?! Well, it did with my 4 anyway!

foreverondiet Wed 16-Jan-13 20:50:20

It might work, dd did this herself - ie asked us to take nappy of when she needed poo - from just before 2nd birthday. Think this might be harder for wees but worth a try although I suspect it wouldn't work for most children.

thats how I did it with ds too as he was only about 20 months when he showed signs he was ready. I put him in pull up nappies and took him to the toilet regularly. When he was reliable at saying he needed the toilet and could hold on till he got there I put him into pants.He had very few accidents and was day trained by the age of 2.

ceeveebee Wed 16-Jan-13 20:55:33

You sound like a nice supportive SIL hmm

DD trained like this. She was in pull ups for a couple of weeks then decided to wear pants. She's been dry pretty much since then.

She was day trained about 2 weeks before her 2nd birthday and is reliably dry at night now (7 months later)

PrettyKitty1986 Wed 16-Jan-13 21:49:06

Ds2 has been using the toilet since he was 14 months old because he was copying ds1. Should I have put him in pants straight away? confused

discrete Wed 16-Jan-13 21:58:19

That's how both of mine have been potty trained. We just left them to it and they sorted themselves out, shortly after age 2.

Worked fine, why wouldn't it? TBH never occurred to me to do it any other way.

nokidshere Wed 16-Jan-13 22:04:55

The two year old I childmind started saying he needed a wee or poo a few months ago and has used the potty on and off in conjunction with nappies for that period.

9 days ago we switched to proper pants and he hasn't had a single accident even when he is sleeping. He still wears nappies for bed but he wakes for a wee and uses the potty - even if he has a nappy on. So they should be gone fairly soon too.

JumpHerWho Wed 16-Jan-13 22:42:28

Having done no research into potty training at all (1x DS, 12mo) it seems a totally sensible tactic.

Having done BLW, the idea of letting them lead the way with new things without adding pressure or forcing them to learn by training them, just seems wrong. Why do they need to wet themselves to learn not to? It's like taking away milk to make them eat meals. It'll happen when they're ready, surely? I'm a big fan of putting the right conditions in place for stuff and letting them get on with it, keeping pressure, upset and confrontation minimal. I will obv do my research before embarking on the adventure, but think I'll do what your SiL has done OP smile

fatlazymummy Wed 16-Jan-13 22:48:03

I wouldn' t do it this way either, that' s not to say it' s wrong, or even ' bonkers' though. There is usually more than one way of doing things.

HildaOgden Wed 16-Jan-13 22:54:37

They sound like they are approaching it calmly and supportively.He will probably be eager to get his 'big boy' pants,in the meantime they are going at his pace.So what?If it works for them,and they are all happy,what's the problem?

Just because you've had 4 children,doesn't mean you know all children.What worked for yours mightn't work for others.

It really has nothing to do with you,so just get on with your own child-rearing and leave them to theirs,unless they specifically ask for your opinion on it.

Meglet Wed 16-Jan-13 22:54:49

I did the same. We spent a few months with the pull-up pants and using the potty / toilet. Once I had some time off work over Xmas we blitzed potty training and they went into pants when each dc was just over 3.

Keeping them in pull-ups all that time was a much more civilised way of doing it. No wet clothes or mad dashes to the toilet and much less stressful for me.

JumpHerWho Wed 16-Jan-13 22:58:14

Is it one of these thing that our parents generation would try to get done as soon as possible, like weaning?

Surely it can be quite stressful and wet clothes isn't fun for anyone - why not keep em in pull-ups til they've got the hang of it? confused

I did it the same way as your SIL is doing it, my DD's were fully out of day time nappies at just over 2. I didn't have lots of accidents,they are now adults.

Different strategies work for different children, for every milestone/development.

He has obviously learned the feeling of needing to go without the need for wet pants, some children will not like being wet to the extent that they will delay going.

Just because you have four children doesn't mean that you know more than her what suits her child.

MummytoKatie Wed 16-Jan-13 23:48:08

It seems to have worked for us (day 13 of no nappies today). She's had two accidents at nursery (and one wee and one poo in a nappy after she asked to have one on) but none with us at all. (Of the 13 days she's spent 8 with us and evenings.)

She'd have been very upset to have accidents.

Loveisblue Wed 16-Jan-13 23:55:50

I was sure you were going to say they are bonkers because they plan to use this

Nappies and pull-ups are different though. With pull-ups they can start practising pulling them down like they would with undies/knickers. Plus I thought pull-ups also feel wetter against their skin than nappies if they've weed in them so can recognise that feeling.

So she's being a bit daft if she's using actual nappies rather than pull-ups. I also think pull-ups make a psychological step up for them - no longer baby equipment but special big boy/girl gear!!

The danger of keeping nappies on all the time is also apparent if you have a child who is inclined to be a bit "lazy" : "I'm busy setting my train set up so I'll just do it in my nappy." Have seen some children do things like that.

EverybodyisdeadDave Thu 17-Jan-13 00:12:31

With my two, after a few aborted attempts at potty training DS which ended after 2-3 days of me having to constantly clean up wee and poo from the floor, he went back into nappies, until he asked to go by himself.

Ds asked at 2 years 8 months, and off he went, and never had a single accident, he was in nappies for maybe a week or so after, just in case, but he would remove them to go.

We waited again with DD who was 3 and a half before she was ready and asked to go, again the same thing, kept her in nappies for a week or so, to be on the safe side, but she went fine, and pulled them down like knickers.

Never had an accident at all with either of them after they were ready and asked themselves, and they were both dry at night 6 weeks after day time dryness.

Easiest thing in the world that was, and I had been dreading it. DD was a bit older then I would have liked, but we could have forced it, and said she was potty trained, or been "training" for months with daily accidents, which seemed silly, so we waited till she wanted to do it.

chipmonkey Thu 17-Jan-13 00:48:20

I left ds1 out of nappies. He wee'd everywhere. For a year because I had this stupid notion that once you started you shouldn't stop.hmm
Ds2, ds3 and ds4 weren't trained till they said "I'm doing a wee-wee" and they were all over three.

Ozziegirly Thu 17-Jan-13 03:36:01

Well I only take my DS to the loo when he says he needs a wee or poo. I occasionally ask him if he needs to go (before we go in the car) but the rest of the time he just tells me.

I wouldn't like it if someone kept hassling me about the loo.

He isn't in nappies (apart from at night) but he knows when he needs to go even when in a nappy.

He was trained at 2.3 and we had about 2 accidents and he's been fine ever since.

So not all that bonkers at all and probably a lot less bother than taking him to the loo every half hour.

Not bonkers it worked for my second child. Once he got good at going then I removed nappies and put him in cloth trainers that weren't waterproof on the outside.

valiumredhead Thu 17-Jan-13 09:28:28

That's pretty much how I do it to start off with expect I use pull ups and I have potty trained quite a few kids.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 17-Jan-13 09:35:07

You're right that the child probably won't become fully potty trained until they move into pants because they do usually need to feel the wetness. BUT potty training is not a race and there is nothing wrong with a slow introduction to the idea of going to the potty which is what your SIL is doing. It should make things easier when she moves the child to pants. Plus she might get lucky and get a child who gets the idea even with a nappy on and with will save a lot of stress and washing smile

CrunchyFrog Thu 17-Jan-13 10:41:53

My CM insisted on the traditional route for DS1, poor little bugger. I took her/ HV/ every other persons advice.
DS1 is still not reliable at 7. He has ASD, but we didn't know that then. NT DS2, I did what your SIL is doing. DS2 clean and dry by choice by 2.5 grin

Fakebook Thu 17-Jan-13 10:46:47

I started like this to give dd a feel for using the potty then took off the nappy when she was 3. Don't see what the problem is, and tbh, I'm sure they don't want to have a wet/pooey baby during the winter. Potty training with pants is easier in the summer.

I'm doing this atm with dd3, its not what I did with my other 3 dc but it all depends on the child. There isn't a one size fits all way to potty train a child.

milf90 Thu 17-Jan-13 11:02:29

get your judgy pants off! plenty of people do it like that, what makes you think you are so special and know best???

people do what works best for them...

anothershittynickname Thu 17-Jan-13 12:21:34

Oh FFS milf go give your head a shake!!

I don't have any judgy pants on I ASKED A QUESTION because it was a way "I" couldn't comprehend - I have said a word to my SIL!!

Thank you to all those who have explained this way civily to me, I actually learnt something, especial the poster who likend it to BLW!

Maybe I posted in the wrong part of the forum or maybe I shouldn't have used the word "bonkers" (which btw was meant as in "I don't get it" not "she's an idiot" but seriously for those who posted only to say "you don't know everything", "you're a shit SIL", "mind your own" etc etc really need to find something more constructive and fullfiing to do [hmmm]

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