to be pissed off with my brothers

(90 Posts)
McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 00:52:09

every friday night i go to my mothers, sometime for a few bottles of wine or sometime for a few cup of tea. I live 5 minutes walk to my house.

however my brother's feel the need to walk me home. I don't need walking home. What do they think would happen grrrrrrr

I wouldn't be pissed off with them for that

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 12-Jan-13 00:53:53

I think that's rather sweet grin.

TinyDancingHoofer Sat 12-Jan-13 00:54:19

Awwwww… That's so sweet. I am v. jealous, would love some overprotective DBs.

Did they give boyfriends "stern talking to's"?

Morloth Sat 12-Jan-13 00:54:53

Bastards.

TuftyFinch Sat 12-Jan-13 00:55:01

Have you ever seen the news?
Be grateful not cross. Really.

AgentZigzag Sat 12-Jan-13 00:55:52

They sound lovely and you're taking offense at them being caring about you, YABU smile

Whether you think there's anything to worry about or not is irrelevant, just humour them and let them feel they're able to show how they feel about by doing this small thing.

Just let them do it, even on a 5 minute walk home something could happen at this time of night, safety in numbers. They obviously care for you.

Bogeyface Sat 12-Jan-13 00:56:06

After "a few bottles of wine" I think that yes, you would need walking home. Perhaps they can see something you cant....

McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 00:56:12

my DH had the talk if he ever hurt me ect ect ect..

WorraLiberty Sat 12-Jan-13 00:56:57

Fucking uncaring bastards

YANBU, they should learn to show they care.

Oh no wait....

McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 00:58:37

tonight all i have drank is tea.

but i guess iabu

Selfish pigs, how dare they hmm

DoodlesNoodles Sat 12-Jan-13 00:59:30

If your brothers are still at junior school YANBU otherwise YABU grin

How many brothers escort you home at any one time? If it is more than one or two then they might also be BU.

FlyingFig Sat 12-Jan-13 00:59:30

You should divorce the bastards...
wink

NatashaBee Sat 12-Jan-13 00:59:53

Sorry, but you're being ungrateful.

Sarahplane Sat 12-Jan-13 01:00:17

that's very sweet of them. Surely better than them not caring.

AgentZigzag Sat 12-Jan-13 01:01:49

'my DH had the talk if he ever hurt me ect ect ect.. '

I've read that as there being someone who actively wants to hurt you, is that right?

OTTMummA Sat 12-Jan-13 01:02:01

My brothers are horrid, you are lucky to have them care about you.

Get a grip and revel in the knowledge of how loved you are.

PickledApples Sat 12-Jan-13 01:02:06

I have two brothers.

One is a waste of space.
The other is a slightly taller, more mouthy, waste of space.
I have nothing to do with either.

Be thankful, and give your brothers each a random hug from me, I have a few spare. on the proviso that there are generally decent folk and don't eat kittens or anything.

McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 01:03:40

I know they care, but to me it seems like i am unable to get myself home safe home.

as this is aibu i want people to tell aibu or not

WorraLiberty Sat 12-Jan-13 01:04:05

My 21yr old DS walks his male friends halfway home if they've been round to visit.

It's just politeness and caring.

AgentZigzag Sat 12-Jan-13 01:04:35

I have one brother OTT, and I bet he's twice as bad as both yours put together

<flegs on hand>

<holds it out to shake>

YABU - people are very vulnerable when walking alone late at night, the Police routinely advise against it.

They are stopping you looking like easy prey for any potential mugger, rapist or murderer.

And you're pissed off with them for doing it???? How many of the many victims of crime whilst walking home alone thought they would be ok? Most of them.

They were wrong.

McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 01:05:50

feel guily now, they only do it because they care

AgentZigzag Sat 12-Jan-13 01:05:55

If they're not overbearing in other ways OP, YABU.

Is it your mum who makes them do it?

How old are they?

Bogeyface Sat 12-Jan-13 01:06:47

YABU

feellikearubbishmummy Sat 12-Jan-13 01:07:30

Wish my brother would walk me home. He has not spoken to me for 5 months after we fell out sad

McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 01:07:49

one is older and one is younger.

not sure if if my mum makes them do it

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 12-Jan-13 01:08:10

Well ok, YABU.
Does that help smile?
You've clearly got lovely brothers and a close family unit, don't knock it, especially considering the threads on here with posters that have families that don't give a shit.

FlyingFig Sat 12-Jan-13 01:08:27

Not sure why you're 'pissed off' about them wanting to walk you home; seems like a kind gesture to me.

DSM Sat 12-Jan-13 01:09:00

Yep, YABU

AgentZigzag Sat 12-Jan-13 01:09:03

You sound like you're missing him feellike?

What do you think the chances of it blowing over are?

McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 01:10:45

i guess i am pissed off with the fact i am a grown women that don't need walking home, how ever my brother's hearts are in the right place to make sur i am home safe ( i didn't see that before)

BrandonFlowersHoHoHo Sat 12-Jan-13 01:11:21

YABU

I think its sweet, they want to make sure their sister gets home safe and sound. Why be pissed off about that. They care about you.

BrandonFlowersHoHoHo Sat 12-Jan-13 01:11:21

YABU

I think its sweet, they want to make sure their sister gets home safe and sound. Why be pissed off about that. They care about you.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sat 12-Jan-13 01:20:41

Oh OP, it's lovely that they feel protective of you. I 'd love that.

FlyingFig Sat 12-Jan-13 01:22:11

My older brother was very protective over me and I bet my last penny he'd be the same as your brothers are. He's now very badly brain damaged, it's me and others looking after him, 24/7. I never thought the roles would reverse in such a cruel fashion, but there you go.

Honestly, don't take for granted or question the small stuff; it's no biggie is it, really? They sound lovely brothers smile

DoJo Sat 12-Jan-13 02:33:25

I don't think being a grown woman has anything to do with it - the chances are that you are safer walking home with them than alone. Don't think of them as not trusting you to get yourself home, but as not trusting those who might commit a random act of violence. Would it help to think of your children showing they care for each other in a similar way - it's rather sweet if you imagine them looking after one another even when they are older.

HappyNewHissy Sat 12-Jan-13 07:58:49

They had a talk with DH?

Do they fancy themselves as the Kray twins or something?

If they are over protective and interferring' YANBU.

We need more info.

do they both walk you home? Or just one of them?
YANBU OP, if you say "no I would prefer just to walk home myself" and they overrule you. You are a grown woman who gets to make her own decisions.

Hesterton Sat 12-Jan-13 08:06:54

I get you OP. It is a bit infantilising, even if it is well meant and gentlemanly.

I was always more worried about my sons being out on the town than my daughter; they were more likely to run in to shit macho shenanigans.

Whatdoiknowanyway Sat 12-Jan-13 08:11:21

I'm kind of with you on this one OP.

My dad used to insist that my brothers walked me to my babysitting job when I was a teenager. It was 3 doors up on a well lit main road.

It frustrated me because it was unnecessary and, the way it was done, I found it demeaning.

I think unless you have been in the position yourself its hard to appreciate the distinction with being protective and with asserting your place in the family pecking order.

RuleBritannia Sat 12-Jan-13 08:11:27

They are behaving like gentlemen. You are not behaving like a lady by not appreciating it. Don't you recognise manners?

Whatdoiknowanyway Sat 12-Jan-13 08:12:12

And what Hesterton said.

Manners also come into play when an adult asserts their wishes - you don't overrule them

BigShinyBaubles Sat 12-Jan-13 08:13:24

I think that's a lovely brotherly thing to do..I know for a fact my two big brothers would do the same (Im 37 married eiwh three ds..but I'll always be 'little sis'!!)
As another poster said, alot can happen in 5minutes so if I were you I think myself very lucky to have two caring protective brothers grin

I wouldn't look at it as they don't trust you to get yourself home safe. I would see it as, they know that there are some really shitty people out there and you're just too important to them to risk it.

Next time if it's winding you up, just remind yourself that you're "allowing" them to walk you home for their peace of mind. grin

no no no
statistically young men are the most vulnerale when out and about - so if they do it individually, who walks them home?
Lots of people talking about the huge risks to you - are these actually real or the product of media and over active imaginations?
Do you walk your brothers home when they come to yours? Would that be OK?
Can people not see the "this is how it's going to be" "No, overruled" aspect of this? I struggle with this - as a competent adult I should be able to make my own decisions without people imposing the way they think it should be on me becuase they love me so very very much

Iwillorderthefood Sat 12-Jan-13 08:27:54

I understand this, I was working in London during some May 1st riots, and all the men at work tried to get the women to travel in pairs and sometimes in different directions to their homes to ensure they were safe. They on the other hand travelled alone anyway they chose.

I felt like a child but I did heed their concern up to a point.

So long as there is no prolonged dithering about once I wanted to go home then this is fine. If I want to leave, then I want to leave, not wait an hour for someone to escort me the five minutes to my home.

bringmeroses Sat 12-Jan-13 08:31:05

Yes you are. They couldn't live with themselves if you were attacked so go with it no matter how small risk seems to you

But the risk is small and it's up to a competent adult to decide that and not have other adults making her decisions for her.

diddl Sat 12-Jan-13 08:42:01

I get where you´re coming from OP.

Do you live in a really rough area??

"They couldn't live with themselves if you were attacked"-but that´s not the OP´s problem, is it?

There comes a time when your decisions should be respected.

I think the fact that they spoke to your husband is awful.

Didn´t they trust your judgement?

It does sound infantilising to me.

TBH I'd feel like saying "I have decided I am walking home and I do not need to be accompanied. If you feel I am not capable of making that decision, feel free to try to get me sectioned."
But then I'm a grumpy cow who has fought for every scrap of independence and dignity.

EMS23 Sat 12-Jan-13 08:44:32

If an adult I care about is making a stupid decision - and I consider walking home alone late at night to be a stupid decision - then overruling it, is not a bad thing to do, IMHO.

It's not about bloody feminism and 'I'm a grown up' independence bullshit. It's about keeping your loved ones safe.

Bearandcub Sat 12-Jan-13 08:45:21

YABU and you know it.

Really, so do adults not walk around in the dark? How about adult men - who are much more likely to be the victim of an attack?

And EM each decision is subjective, based on your own opinions and priorities. Are you really happy to have someone else imposing their opinions and priorities over yours?
I walk around in the dark fairly regularly. Didn't realise it was a no no.

HoneyDragon Sat 12-Jan-13 08:52:05

As someone who routinely wandered the streets at night can I point out the police never advised me it was too dangerous to be out.

Lots of random scare mongers took great delight in telling me I would be horribly raped and murdered though.

It's nice that your brothers walk you you home, and its nice you humour them to put everyone's mind at rest but it is not necessary. UANBU

I often get the train back from work and then walk to the bus station in the dark to get the bus back to our village. Should I really be getting a taxi?
Tonight I will be leabing the village hall when it's dark and walking home. I will even have my 5yo with me. Maybe DH should wrap our 3yo DD up and come up to get me.
It's all very well saying it's too dangerous but in fact it's just scaremongering and hysteria over common sense. I'm not saying it is always safe to walk everywhere at night, but there's no blanket rule that women must be home at dusk. I imagine there is a bigger risk from cars etc.

CaseyShraeger Sat 12-Jan-13 09:07:26

If they are both doing it together (so no one is ever walking alone) then it's a lot more reasonable than if just one of them is doing it, given that a young man walking alone is significantly more likely to be attacked than a lone woman. If just one of them is doing it it's overriding your wishes and imposing a "solution" that's more dangerous than what you had planned, which is a bit crap.

MardyArsedMidlander Sat 12-Jan-13 09:16:19

If you are really drinking a 'few bottles of wine'- it's a good job SOMEONE is escorting you home shock

EMS23 Sat 12-Jan-13 09:54:36

SPB I think what struck a chord in this example is that the OP has two brothers that are (presumably) happy to walk her home. It's not putting anyone out so why not?

I take your point that an adult is entitled to assess their own risk and make their own decisions, male or female.

I guess I do buy into the hype that something bad will happen though so I tend to avoid situations where I would have to walk alone in the dark and if a loved one is proposing it and I can accompany them or give them a lift, pay for a taxi etc.. I will because I couldn't bear it if something did happen.

HollyBerryBush Sat 12-Jan-13 09:59:20

How lovely to still see courteous gentlemen now and again smile.

My son always walk girls home, romantically involved or just friends within the same group. In fact it's like a pack of girls at times as he delivers each one safely home grin.

IneedAgoldenNickname Sat 12-Jan-13 10:46:48

If I'm at my mums until after dark, she insists on walking me to the bus stop, even though she then has to walk back home again on her own!

The weirdest thing about it is that she wouldn't have done that when I was a teenager confused

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis Sat 12-Jan-13 10:56:53

YABU

HecatePropolos Sat 12-Jan-13 11:00:57

I am nearly 40 years old and my mother makes me phone her when I get home after visiting her.

People who love you - worry about you. It doesn't mean they see you as incapable.

More that they worry that something that is out of your control will happen to you.

My mother knows and says what a good driver I am. She doesn't think I am incapable of driving myself home. She worries that someone else who IS a shit driver will come along and drive right into me grin. That won't happen because I am unable to drive. It will happen because someone else was grin

don't interpret their caring about you as them saying you are lacking in some way.

It's the rest of the world they're worried about! grin

Pigsmummy Sat 12-Jan-13 12:11:41

I got mugged on my own street a few years ago, I would love to borrow one of your brothers to walk me home!

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 12-Jan-13 13:31:59

Stealth boast?!

DontmindifIdo Sat 12-Jan-13 13:47:38

Your DB's have obviously had it drummed into them that a lady shouldn't be made to make her own way home. Yes, they are also then vunerable walking back from yours to their house, but they know that too, therefore they are saying by doing this that they would rather put themselves out and put themselves at risk than you. Thing is, if you have been raised with this, even if you know rationally that they are just as much at risk walking back and that most women are perfectly capable of looking after themselves, it's hard to 'unlearn' being a gentleman.

I would say your mum has done a good job raising her DSs.

(I have heard the view that young men are more likely to be targets of muggings than woman because they are more likely to be walking alone - people like your DB's make effort to make sure woman get home safely but don't bother about male guests, so therefore the male guest is more likely to be attacked)

maddening Sat 12-Jan-13 15:10:43

Stop feeling unnecessarily pissed off and feel all warm and glowy that you have people who love you smile

Latonia Sat 12-Jan-13 15:13:59

OP your brothers sound lovely and I'm jealous. Would you like to swap them for a sister who you will only hear from once a year if you're unlucky? I'm convinced she's an alien but no-one will believe me.

YABU

My DH always walks my mum home if she been babysitting or like on Christmas day and she left about 4pm. She lives less then 5min around the corner.

When I give lifts home on a night out I always wait till the person I've drop home has gone into their house before I drive home.

It just the way both DH have been brought up.

JustAHolyFool Sat 12-Jan-13 15:37:58

Going against the grain, this would also piss me off.

McNewPants2013 Sat 12-Jan-13 16:37:07

The talk was in a joking way.

Next week when they walk me home I will just say thanks and be greatful they care.

LilQueenie Sat 12-Jan-13 18:23:10

YANBU I understand this. Other adults telling an adult how to live. It feels like being treated like a child and so you think they see you as one no matter how well meaning they try to be. Why do they think whatever could happen to you could not happen to them? Male chauvanism maybe?

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 12-Jan-13 18:29:26

I don't see it as male chauvinism at all, I see it as brothers looking out for their sister.

FiveGoMadInDorset Sat 12-Jan-13 18:38:48

A very gentle YABU. Your mother has brought up two sons with manners.

diddl Sat 12-Jan-13 19:16:04

So if OP doesn´t want them to walk her home, why should she have to go along with it?

Is what others wish to do with regard to her more important than what she wants?

CwtchesAndCuddles Sat 12-Jan-13 19:23:57

Your mums wants to be sure you get home safe, your brothers are happy to do it? I don't see the problem.

Yes the chances are you would be fine walking home alone after a few bottles of wine but is it worth taking a chance if you don't have to just to make the point that you are an independent adult?

YANBU. I have this issue when I go round to a friends house. She always makes her DH walk me home. I find it really embarrassing and uncalled for. The more I say no thank you, the more that she insists.

I'm not a child and I'm absolutely able to get myself home OK and keep my self safe. I also refuse to live a life ruled by fear, that I need walked home "just in case" something happens.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 12-Jan-13 19:35:28

Anecdotally,

Three of my friends have been invovled in accidents walking home from a night out in town.

one fell in to the road and was hit bay a car. The driver stopped and took them to hoispital.

one fell through a window and had to get the owner of the house to ring for an ambulance to have there arm sticthed up.

The last one fell off the kerb and hobbled home, went to the doctors later in the week to find that the srain was actually a ripped ligament.

Accidents happen to those that have had a few drinks.

I think it's different making sure that someone who is had a bit too much to drink home and general walking home simply because she is a girl.

The first is the kind and sensible thing to do. The second is uncalled for, especially if the person doesn't want walking home.

diddl Sat 12-Jan-13 19:59:59

I agree if the OP has been drinking it might be the best she is escorted home.

But if no drink or a couple of glasses then I don´t see the need.

I assumed the few bottles of wine was between all of them. Op, mother,brothers, maybe more. I agree if the op has a few bottles, too right she is taken home!

ProphetOfDoom Sat 12-Jan-13 21:10:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmIOverReacting Sat 12-Jan-13 21:11:53

YABU they care about you and want to make sure your safe, there's nothing wrong with that

bootsycollins Sat 12-Jan-13 21:15:03

It's really sweet and shows they care. Bet you have a good chat and a giggle while your walking too.

GinGirl Sat 12-Jan-13 21:19:30

YABU, sounds like something my brothers would do if we lived in such close proximity. They are gently protective of me (am older than them), much more so of the younger siblings - to the extent that the sister directly below them would have boyfriends vetted as a teenager.

Though come to think of it, one of my brothers turned up on my DSs first 3 dates with her now DH, and she is older than them as well!

DIYapprentice Sat 12-Jan-13 21:23:23

YAB(abit)U. I can understand why you think they are treating you as though you are an adult, but they are being caring and sweet. Do yourself and them a favour - next time put your arm through theirs, lean into them, and have a lovely brother and sister chat as you walk home. Take this as an opportunity to get closer to them, and become FRIENDS, and not just siblings. They sound lovely and I'll bet your relationship with them will be even more fab.

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