To expect a thank you ...

(78 Posts)
Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 21:23:25

I lent somebody my car for two months as I wasn't using it. It is quite a nice car.

They returned it today with a bit of damage which does devalue it, but not significant enough to warrant an insurance claim, and didn't even say thank you. They just put in half a tank if fuel which us what was in it when they borrowed it (but not a drop more).

I didn't expect much, maybe a bottle of wine, but at least the words thank you.

I feel like sending a snotty text.


PleasePudding Fri 11-Jan-13 21:24:57

YANBU that's awful! Could they possibly be planning you a surprise thank you?

mum382013 Fri 11-Jan-13 21:25:14

i would demand the damage repaired as well

Sirzy Fri 11-Jan-13 21:25:54

I would be asking them to pay for the repair!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Fri 11-Jan-13 21:26:59

They should return it in the condition they received it in, would definitely ask for them to pay for the damage.

Coconutty Fri 11-Jan-13 21:27:20

yeah,I would be seriously tucked off tbh.

VBisme Fri 11-Jan-13 21:32:07

Let me guess, brother or sister?

You do deserve to be reimbursed.

SpottyBagOfTumble Fri 11-Jan-13 21:32:36

I would be upset. And would also sake them to pay for the damage.

Flobbadobs Fri 11-Jan-13 21:38:06

Has to be family. Can't believe they didn't get it repaired! Fecking cheek, YANBU.

Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 21:58:22

Not family. Boss actually ...

Definitely not planning a surprise thank you. The damage was repaired but is still visible ... it's a convertible car and the hood got slashed but he felt that to put a new hood on was out the question as it wasn't his fault so got a patch put on instead.

More cheesed off by the lack if thanks, just handed back the keys and said here you go.

Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 21:59:29

Grrr iPad autocorrects of to if ...

What can I say given the fact he is my boss so can't really go off on a rant ...

LittleChimneyDroppings Fri 11-Jan-13 22:00:24

He is taking the piss. I would send him the bill for a new hood.

Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 22:05:40

Should I send an email saying I think you forgot to say thanks?

I asked if he would pay for or towards a new hood and he said no.

bumperella Fri 11-Jan-13 22:24:53

I'd be livid. 2 months of a free loan of a car. And he returns it damaged. Without an explanation, or apology. And he doens;t say thinkyou????? The guy is a twat.

Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 22:33:44

What can I do? My DH thinks I should forget it. I'm pissed though ...

"he felt that to put a new hood on was out the question as it wasn't his fault"
Maybe not his fault (in that he didn't personally slash it) but still his RESPONSIBILITY (because he presumably parked it somwjhere that people slash convertible hoods). How much would it have cost him to hire a car for that length of time? He should be willing to pay AT LEAST up to that sum towards the hood repair.

Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 22:38:53

the guy is a twat


bumperella Fri 11-Jan-13 23:33:39

What to do? Depends on how much you need your job, really... if it was anyone else then you'd be demanding the hood is fixed as it is his responsibility. But.... he's your boss. How uncomfortable can he make your life if you kisk up bother for him?

I would be furious. Did you offer or did he ask?
My dh let someone borrow our car once for a few days and they returned it with most of the petrol gone. People are unbelievable.

Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 23:46:37

He could make my life difficult.

I guess I was being nice, I didn't expect him to clock up so many miles and abuse my trust.

I'm really, really pissed by the arrogance of not saying thank you but can't really email or say anything about it (I won't see him for a while now).

Chickchickadee Fri 11-Jan-13 23:47:22

I guess I will just have to rely on karma but I'm not sure that ever really works out.

HollyTheHedgehog Fri 11-Jan-13 23:52:10

What a prick. Normally Id encourage you to send a text, I cant stay quiet when someones been ungrateful or wronged me, but when its your boss its not good. Could be more hassle.

Id tick it off as a learnt lesson.

Seriously though, what a wanker.

DeafLeopard Fri 11-Jan-13 23:54:31

what holly said

ifso Sat 12-Jan-13 00:06:01

don't worry OP

I would try try try and forget aout it - BUT - I would do LESS in your role for a while, if he is your boss, to oh, I dunno, accidentally 'forget' something he needs for a meeting, or oh I dunno, accidentally spill a coffee over some important paperwork he needs that day...

You'll think of something to help you get over this

And yes, he is 100% a wanker

PiccadillyCervix Sat 12-Jan-13 00:06:30

the karma fairy will kick his ass I'm sure

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 00:09:04

I'm so mad I can't sleep! Ifso, I will have to think of something like you suggest ...

Dfg15 Sat 12-Jan-13 00:10:35

i'm sure the karma fairy will get him, but seriously - why would you lend your car to anyone - even if you weren't using it for a couple of months. If he's your boss surely he can afford his own car?

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 00:22:28

In hindsight I don't know. I wasn't able to use it (I have a new car as I had a baby and this is a two seater convertible, but I can't really sell it until the spring, nobody wants them this time of year). He needed a car and offered to pay the tax for the two months he was going to use it for and I figured it would be better for the car to have a bit of use than stand on my driveway (as an old car I had was never the same after I left it standing for too long). Seemed like a decent thing to do and I always try and help people out when I'm in a position to ...

Dfg15 Sat 12-Jan-13 00:24:52

aww bless you, that was a good deed that went wrong on you. I hope you sort it with him x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 12-Jan-13 00:27:52

Wouldn't be surprised if there'll be at least one parking ticket or a speeding notification, sorry to pile on the agony. What an unpleasant man your boss is.

ifso Sat 12-Jan-13 00:30:39

boss probably having an affair elsewhere and needed the car to prove he wasnt in the place he said he would be?

sorry, it's late and I'm recreating scenes from BBC dramas again

oldebaglady Sat 12-Jan-13 00:31:32

the roof IS his responsibility
I've had a soft top in the past and been extra careful about where I parked it for that very reason
no he didn't do the slashing, but he left it somewhere where it happened!

If I borrowed your handbag and it got stolen, I'd be responsible for replacing it because I didn't watch it carefully enough. Even though I didn't personally steal it!

SantasENormaSnob Sat 12-Jan-13 06:29:44

I would be livid.

And imo, it's completely unprofessional to borrow an employees car for 2 months. Almost like an abuse of power iyswim.

RuleBritannia Sat 12-Jan-13 07:27:42

Don't lend him anything again! There's always a reason not to.

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 08:02:24

I definitely won't lend him anything again, not even a biro. He has also used up all my goodwill for ever doing a second of overtime or going beyond the call of duty.

MrsMelons Sat 12-Jan-13 09:38:18

I have learnt my lesson many a time lending people things but thank goodness never something as valuable as a car (other than close family).

This makes me so cross on your behalf as it was such a kind thing to do.

If the damage is too little to bother with an insurance claim then presumably it is less than £200 so really there is no reason he shouldn't pay for it!

does your boss have a boss or is he the owner?

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 10:16:16

A new hood is £400 but the excess on my insurance is £300 and I don't have protected no claims ...

He is the owner. It is the lack of thanks as much as the damage which upsets me.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sat 12-Jan-13 10:21:22

Noooo that's bad!! He should have insured it himself and claimed for a new roof. Your right it will devalue it, as will the miles he put on it. I can't believe he didn't do anything to say thankyou.

pictish Sat 12-Jan-13 10:26:20'll know not to be so generous again won't you?

I wouldn't lend anyone a car for two months.

The fact that he didn't even say thank you just compounds why. You thought it would be a nice thing to do (and maybe even earn you some brownie points)...but he just thought so what, and damamged your property without even so much as a glance backwards.

People eh?

Jesus. Flabbergasted.

lechatnoir Sat 12-Jan-13 10:36:08

What a dick shock. He sounds the type that hasn't even given you kindness a second thought & is unlikely to equate your future lack of help with his knobbish behaviour.
I'd just ask innocently "i obviously need to get the damage repaired before I sell it in the spring & wondered whether you want me to handle it & just send you the bill or shall I leave you to have a ring around & get it sorted"
Honestly I really couldn't just leave it hmm

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis Sat 12-Jan-13 10:36:22


Some people just have zero manners and don't understand the importance of a simple 'thank you'

I gave my cuz some clothes for her newborn. About 2 full back bags worth, easily enough for the next six month and not once did she say thank you. I wanted to snatch back my bags and give them to a charity shop. ungrateful cow.

Also had someone live in my house for 3 weeks, free board and meals. Again, no thank you. Cunt

jeez - nearly makes it worse

is he a good boss in other ways ie he pays well smile

kerala Sat 12-Jan-13 11:24:48

Our car has been breaking down had to borrow friend 1's car for a night we put in petrol and gave a bottle of wine. Broke down again borrowed friend 2's car gave them a pack of beer (he doesnt drink wine) <looks lovingly out at new reliable car>

Outrageously crap behaviour OP! (him not you)

comingintomyown Sat 12-Jan-13 11:31:00

YANBU , quite astonishing behaviour.

You will just have to chalk it up to experience

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Sat 12-Jan-13 11:42:37

I'm gobsmacked by this, what an utter cunt

IloveJudgeJudy Sat 12-Jan-13 11:46:23

I was reading this last night and I am absolutely flabbergasted on your behalf. I have lent someone my car for a long time during the week when I wasn't working and it was standing on my drive. She had just started a new job. I didn't mind and she was very grateful.

He's your boss and could probably easily afford to replace the hood. I can't believe he could possibly think his behaviour is acceptable! That's why he's the boss and you're not, probably. I think many people who own their own businesses (not everyone, obviously) have to be pretty callous in order to be successful.

I like the way that lechatnoir has worded things. It's not offensive and may be worth another try?

I really do sympathise with you. Unfortunately, it probably makes you never want to lend anyone anything ever again, so he's mucked things up for everyone.

Bearandcub Sat 12-Jan-13 11:47:14

Appalling behaviour.

twoyearsandcounting Sat 12-Jan-13 11:57:41

The car was his responsibility so yes he should pay but unfortunately people like him, from what you have described, have no moral conscience and he Will never pay. Just learn from it and never lend to anyone anything you can't afford to lose, or in this case spend money on repairs. I too would be annoyed at the lack of thanks.

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 11:59:00

I'm not sure he even realises how rude and arrogant he comes across. Maybe I should accidentally link him this thread. I'd never have the courage though. It's a good job, but to be honest he isn't a good boss.

£400 to replace the hood? That wouldn't have rented a car for a week, let alone two months!

I think you should point this out to him. And look for a new job. Working for a tosser is bad for the self-esteem/soul/blood pressure.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 12-Jan-13 15:25:40

Do you know, I re-read this today and am fuming, so I'm not surprised you can't sleep.

Is the repair even a good one?

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 15:30:20

It's an okay repair, professionally done, but a repair nevertheless. hmm I'm still very upset and mad about it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 12-Jan-13 15:34:02

I didn't expect him to clock up so many miles

Go on, how many did he put on? (seething supportively).

SDeuchars Sat 12-Jan-13 16:06:27

When I borrow my friend's car, I always return it with a FULL tank - no matter how much was in it when I picked it up. That's because I am grateful to be able to use it and want to be able to do it again in the future.

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 16:19:41

Just over 1000 miles which I think is a lot sad

Charliefox Sat 12-Jan-13 16:38:02

1000 miles isn't a lot in 2 months for a car being used as your primary car. However, he has taken the piss royally. I too wouldn't be able to leave it, as it would eat me away. I'd have to discuss it with him. Even if it comes to nothing, at least you've said your piece. I'd also be looking for a new role, as I would get the rage every time I clapped eyes on him.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 12-Jan-13 16:54:19

I think 10-12K miles p.a. is the accepted average so he didn't stint himself. Friend's teenage son uses her car, he just pays for fuel and replaces what he uses to the drop not a cc more. I'd fill up the tank, get a full valet or at least wax and polish with a bottle of wine or flowers or baby toys on the passenger seat on return. No thanks at all??

Sounds like your boss has the same casual attitude as my friend's son. Your DH has reacted more calmly than mine would.

Rather than wait for karma I'd be thinking up something sooner.

Chickchickadee Sat 12-Jan-13 17:07:53

Didn't even utter the words. What can I do though? I won't see him to talk to face to face for a bit as I work remotely and he is away for a while anyway. I could email but everything I've drafted sounds so churlish!

bumperella Sat 12-Jan-13 22:19:56

It could be that if you do nothing he'll hink you're a pushover. Or it could be that if you do something he'll take the huff at you.
How about a "freindly" mail as someone already suggested - "Hope you enjoyed using the car, when you dropped it off I got the impression you hadn't much appreciated it? Will I get the repair done but have garage invoice you, or would you rather sort it all out yourself - can spare the car Teusday and Wednesday next week if you want to arrange to get the hood replaced then" or whatever.
Don't worry about sounding churlish. He sounds like a twat, which is far worse.

INeedThatForkOff Sat 12-Jan-13 23:36:37

Presumably he took out his own insurance cover on it, in which case the claim for the hood should come from that ...

PurpleRayne Sat 12-Jan-13 23:52:48

How much extra did it cost to put him on your insurance? Did he at least pay for that?

Inertia Sun 13-Jan-13 00:17:49

I wouldn't bother talking about lack of appreciation. I would consider emailing asking how he wants to go about replacing the hood - does he want to pay the garage ( you need to go to a garage you trust ) , or should you pass his insurance details on to your insurance company ?

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sun 13-Jan-13 00:20:45

get yourself a present to thank yourself. it will make you feel better. you could send X the bill.

time for a new job??

BarredfromhavingStella Sun 13-Jan-13 10:04:31

Utter twat, I would definitely be sending him a text/email to ask for his insurance details to get the hood replaced as if you are intending to sell the car the damage will devalue it.

I'd also be looking for a new job.

Ooh, Inertia's suggestion sounds good!

WhateverTrevor Sun 13-Jan-13 10:30:46

He was in possession of the car so his insurance should cover it.
Do you believe in fairies?
No, then don't rely on karma, it doesn't exist.
Don't let him get away with it.

How much will it devalue the car when it comes to selling it? £400, £1000?
Would you just hand him that amount of money for no reason, how long do you have to work to earn that?
He is taking the piss, don't let him.

TandB Sun 13-Jan-13 10:37:58

Is this a job you want to stay in long-term? If you are thinking of moving on I would email him as suggested above. Then if he replies and says no, you have evidence which you can use to pursue him through the small claims court when you find another job!

What a wanker! shock

QOD Sun 13-Jan-13 12:19:20

What m utter shit!

ZillionChocolate Sun 13-Jan-13 12:38:54

"Dear Boss,

I am disappointed that you chose to have the roof repaired rather than replaced without discussion, when my car was in your care. As you know, I intend to sell it in the spring. I have consulted a dealer who estimates that it has reduced its value by £x. I appreciate that it's frustrating that borrowing my car for two months will now have cost you some money, but it's obviously still much cheaper than a commercial rental would have been. I'd be happy with a cheque, or you have my bank details for a direct transfer. I am not asking you to pay me for the depreciation over 1000 miles or wear and tear on tyres etc.


Chickchickadee Sun 13-Jan-13 19:33:44

I did ask him to put a new hood on and got a quote but he refused saying it was an old hood anyway (which it is, although it had no damage) and he couldn't stomach the cost of a replacement.

The insurance was on my policy and the excess is £300 which he would refuse to pay.

I don't really stand a chance of getting anywhere. I'm still so mad about it, I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

ZillionChocolate Tue 15-Jan-13 08:10:18

I'd email him anyway. Ignore what he's said so far as it's wholly unreasonable. If he replies, that would be useful. I'd hang on to it in case you want to issue a small claim against him later.

ZillionChocolate Tue 15-Jan-13 08:10:30

(What a tosser!!)

Chickchickadee Tue 15-Jan-13 09:32:38

He just won't reply, he considers it closed.

MaxPepsi Tue 15-Jan-13 09:49:03

What a knob!

I thought DH's friends were highly twattish when they borrowed his car and smoked in it. Knowing full well both of us are non smokers and that we never allow smoking in cars anyway.

I think we got off lightly!

I'm livid on your behalf OP.

I'd have to let EVERYONE know what a knob he's been.

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