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To tell dh I hate his pride&joy burgers?

(110 Posts)
Jux Fri 11-Jan-13 20:11:41

I am immensely grateful that dh cooks quite often. He's an OK plain cook - sausages, chips, a bit of veg - and makes a mean dumpling, and pretty good beef stew.

However, about once a month he insists on doing burgers. He loves them. He squashes a handful of mince together really hard to make a ball, then squashes it flat. Then cooks it. That's it. No seasoning, herbs, nothing.

I think they're pretty vile and so does dd. Mind you, I don't like burgers much anyway.

It is hard to tell him, as he is soooooooo proud of them. I think there's an element of competition as his best mate makes 'fantastic' burgers, and that's probably rolling about in dh's mind somewhere.

Today he wanted to have burgers. He was really desperate to do them, and I'm not feeling brilliant, so am pleased to have someone else cook, and as he's cooking he obviously gets to choose what we eat, especially as he felt so strongly about it.

So I am dreading supper, though I'm really hungry!

TheEarlOfDoncaster1963 Fri 11-Jan-13 20:15:52

Could you say that you've gone off mince/red meat? My DH also makes his own burgers in the summer so he can BBQ them - he chops red onion into his, but they are pretty bland and boring even so! I don't eat a lot of red meat so I don't have to admit that I don't like them, I just say "not really in the mood for burger today, I'll have some chicken or a vegeburger".

Rave about something else he cooks? If you go on about another meal he does, perhaps he'll concentrate on it as his "signature" dish rather than the burgers?

vintageviolets Fri 11-Jan-13 20:19:59

I saw a burger cookbook in Tesco last week, get it for valentines day for him grin

Abra1d Fri 11-Jan-13 20:21:41

Just tell him you're a Catholic. We aren't supposed to eat meat on Fridays. They brought that back in.

ebersneezer Fri 11-Jan-13 20:21:51

I was going to suggest a burger cook book. Good luck with dinner!

MrsKeithRichards Fri 11-Jan-13 20:22:05

Are you married to my dh?!

I was subjected this for years, basically squashed mince on a roll. He walked in on me watching Jamie Oliver making burgers in his 15 minutes meals. Something twigged in his mind, he added salt, pepper, chilli flakes, melted smoked cheese over it,carded mustard oh and crucially rolled them flat. They are now delicious

bubbles1231 Fri 11-Jan-13 20:22:52

lots of ketchup required!

SanityClause Fri 11-Jan-13 20:23:20

Make some one time, yourself.

Use some minced garlic, chopped parsley, pepper and salt, in with the mince.


Hassled Fri 11-Jan-13 20:24:27

It could be worse - it could be lamb and rosemary burgers which are really just shown the heat rather than actually cooked to any extent and are completely bloody horrible so please don't ever cook them again <breathes>.

nbee84 Fri 11-Jan-13 20:24:38
Pseudo341 Fri 11-Jan-13 20:25:25

I'd tell him the truth. I'm a big beliver in honesty being the best policy in all but very few circumstances. Trying to get out of eating them by lying is going to cause you all sorts of headaches trying to come up with excuses in the future. I'm the main cook in our house and if I cook something DH doesn't like he lets me know, no point me doing it again if he's not going to enjoy it. Just soften the blow a bit by telling how much you like his other culinary efforts.

nbee84 Fri 11-Jan-13 20:26:32

Just read the review - not so good grin But I'm sure you get the gist.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 20:26:40

Ketchup is your friend.

MollyMurphy Fri 11-Jan-13 20:27:55

Awww, just suck it up OP if he is so proud and happy with them. Whats the harm really? Sneak a sandwich later.

My DH cooks several things I don't love but he puts such effort into it and is similarly proud, telling me all about the ingrediants etc. I eat and smile and say mmmmm- thank you sweetheart. Costs me very little.

EmmaBemma Fri 11-Jan-13 20:30:01

I think I would just have to tell him! If he really thinks that squashing together some mince on its own makes a good burger, then he needs telling.

It's surprisingly hard to make decent burgers yourself. I think they benefit from generous seasoning, finely chopped onion and breadcrumbs to hold in the fat (fat = flavour) but they need to hold together as well.

Hassled, lamb and rosemary are actually my v. fave type of burger, with a little bit of finely chopped smoked bacon in as well. Yum!

EnjoyResponsibly Fri 11-Jan-13 20:31:11

Yanbu. The only good burger to eat at home is a Birds Eye quarter pounder.


StuntGirl Fri 11-Jan-13 20:39:32

Just be honest with him. Don't be completely brutal, obviously, but just let him know neither you or your daughter like them, and could he please cook something else instead?

ProfYaffle Fri 11-Jan-13 20:40:37

I think MrsKeithRichards has it, chat to him, "I saw this great burger recipe, had herbs and mustard and stuff in it, looked fab. Do you fancy trying it? I know how good you are with burgers." etc etc

Jux Fri 11-Jan-13 21:11:25

Burger cook book? He'd be mortified! He is absolutely determined that his burgers are the best. He truly believes they are better because there is only meat inmthem and nothing else. He's not an idiot generally, but how he can think this is beyond me. Poor chap.

I do praise his culinary efforts, massively so when they are good. So his stew is great and he will do it once a week in the winter, with dumplings. But this does not mean he doesn't want to do his fabulous burgers as well, and he really does love them.

I think I will just have to eat them (as I have this evening, and thanked him nicely for cooking) rather than just tell him, because I've already turned up my nose at his other favourite thing - potato fritters, which are also, apparently, even better for no seasoning. That was hurtful enough to him.

Yup, I'll be eating those darn things for a looooong time to come wink

Yfronts Fri 11-Jan-13 21:15:10

can you leave a recipe and ingredients out?

Yfronts Fri 11-Jan-13 21:15:45

Can you make your own burgers and get people to do a taste test

ebersneezer Fri 11-Jan-13 21:26:15

Mash up the burger with ketchup, put the potato fritter on top, drink a very large glass of wine, pray, pretend its Shepards Pie.

wannabedreams Fri 11-Jan-13 21:43:00

go veggie............

MmeLindor Fri 11-Jan-13 21:45:54

Does he ever tell you if you make something he doesn't like?

Or does he eat everything without complaint?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 11-Jan-13 21:52:59

Flipping heck I would struggle with that.

DH once made carrot and coriander soup, which I loved at the time. Instead of adding white wine, he decided to use the end of a bottle of red which was on the side in the kitchen.

I came in and went 'WTF is that', he genuinely thought it had been a good idea. I got him to taste it, and we threw it in the bin together and went out for dinner. grin

Honesty in a marriage is all important, IMO.

slightlysoupstainedbabygrows Fri 11-Jan-13 21:54:52

If you're getting delicious stew once a week, and burgers only once a month, it sounds a reasonable deal to me. He obviously enjoys eating them himself.

TheFallenNinja Fri 11-Jan-13 21:56:54

I like to think I'm a bit of a dab hand in the kitchen, however, I would be mortified if good lady ate something she didn't like. I'd rather she said. grin I would find something else she liked.

Iggly Fri 11-Jan-13 21:59:08

Tell him
But not when he's just made them. Wait until another day.

JumpingJackSprat Fri 11-Jan-13 22:05:12

Can you accidentally-on-purpose trip near the cooking area while holding appropriate spices?

FreshLeticia Fri 11-Jan-13 22:06:55

Fresh home-made burgers can be lovely, but the meat must be seasoned properly. That means salt and pepper as a bare minimum. And no lumps of minging half-cooked onion or feta cheese.
The seasoning is why burgers and sausages are so popular. If Macdonalds were banned from using salt they would be bankrupt.

MmeLindor Fri 11-Jan-13 22:08:01

I don't see why anyone should eat something that tastes vile simply to save the feelings of their partner.

Even if he does cook a good strew.

I cook brilliantly (if I do say so) every night but if I cock up and it's minging, then I'd want DH to say so.

It doesn't have to be 'OMG, that is disgusting'.

'Darling, I know you like them but I have to be honest. I'm not that fond of your hockey pucks burgers. Could we look for a different recipe?'

Greensleeves Fri 11-Jan-13 22:11:21

Get him drunk, play truth or dare, tell him his burgers ming

notnowbernard Fri 11-Jan-13 22:11:30

DP makes AMAZING burgers

I can't compete and wouldn't bother trying

He adds everything: onion, mushroom, garlic, chilli... and seasons well

He's out tonight which is why I've eaten a salad with a jacket potato and a sausage. I'm so uninspired blush

LaCiccolina Fri 11-Jan-13 22:14:02

Hand press and a cook book. And a herb rack of spices and a grill pan. Advice from my dh....

AllYoursBabooshka Fri 11-Jan-13 22:23:36

Just tell him!

DH hates my cauliflower cheese, I'm glad I know I would hate to imagine him force feeding himself it just to please me.

austenozzy Fri 11-Jan-13 22:25:25

I'm a bloke, and I make/made what I thought were great burgers, but my wife didn't like them so much. I think it's where I compressed them too much and they were quite firm. I wasn't at all offended, I just tried different things to make them more to her taste.

We found that adding fried onions (not the dried ones) to them made them more moist without being crumbly. (DW's idea)

For the record, I do add other stuff - salt & pepper, italian mixed herbs and a dash of either cayenne pepper or paprika.

Jux Fri 11-Jan-13 22:25:30

I'm a dab hand in the kitchen too, but not always well enough. There was a time when dh didn't cook at all, ever, so I am grateful that he does now. Even when it's horrid; I actually couldn't eat the bolognese he made into which he had deliberately - ^deliberately - put 2 spoons of sugar shock. That was because he insisted that everything with tomato had to have sugar.

I don't like sausages so when he does them I have eggs.

Yes, he tells me if he doesn't like something, but it's usually a vegetable (ie, cauliflower, which I love; unless it's Romanescue which he thinks isn't cauliflower <sssh, don't tell>, so I have an idea he won't like it anyway, and take it on the chin. Otherwise, I generally agree with him when he doesn't like something I cook - it's either gone wrong, or it's a new thing which is frankly not very nice.

I'm not sensitive about my cooking because I have enough confidence not to worry about it. He doesn't, and his repertoire is small enough that refusing two dishes represents quite a big percentage. What he doesn't like of what I cook is probably less than 5%, so no big deal.

I think I'll just suck it up, but try to make the burgers happen just a little less often....

AllYoursBabooshka Fri 11-Jan-13 22:26:06

Btw you don't have to say you have always hated them, just say you have went off them or would like to try them with some herbs and seasoning.

Startail Fri 11-Jan-13 22:28:46

renders chicken grill steaks and other DD2 food edible

Might help DH burgers, hotter versions are available.

Thewhingingdefective Fri 11-Jan-13 22:29:48

I am not a massive burger fan but my DH and DS are. I have printed off a few different recipes to try and we have all had a go. Some are pretty good.

Pork mince mixed with a sachet of taco seasoning makes good burgers.

I like a big dollop of bacon jam on a beef burger.

Just encourage your DH to experiment a bit more.

AllYoursBabooshka Fri 11-Jan-13 22:32:29

DH has just asked what the devil bacon jam is and why he hasn't heard of it before?

Thewhingingdefective Fri 11-Jan-13 22:37:31

It is like BBQ sauce- smoked bacon fried and mixed with onion, garlic, Tabasco, brown sugar, maple syrup and cider vinegar. There are loads of recipes online. I made it for everyone for Christmas.

StuntGirl Fri 11-Jan-13 22:46:21

The issue isn't his burgers here, its his over sensitivity. Honestly, its not like you're calling him a serial killer or something, you just don't like the way he makes burgers. It's not something to be that offended by. I diplomatically make the mashed potato and gravy in our house without telling anyone else I don't like the way they make it, but I asked my partner to cook potatoes differently as I always found his way was too short and left them a bit hard and undercooked. He just did it, no one died, it was all ok.

I like to think I'm Delia Smith in the kitchen but in reality I'm probably not as good as I think I am grin

Adversecamber Fri 11-Jan-13 22:48:44

Get him watching a big burger episode of man vs food. One had cheese inside two thin patties squashed together then griddled so the cheese melted inside. Just fill your burger with a ton of relish, cheese and coleslaw.

TeWiSavesTheDay Fri 11-Jan-13 22:54:29

I'm with adverse, don't complain about the burgers, just ask for lots of filling, strong tasting cheese on top etc.

MmeLindor Fri 11-Jan-13 23:05:10

Stop it with the suggestions of how to disguise the taste.

Tell him that you don't like his burgers.

What is this nonsense about 'oh he does so well to make 2 meals' - that's not doing well.

How many meals does the OP make well? A hell of a lot more.

This idea that a man gets praised for once a month doing something that his wife does daily - it makes me v cranky.

Jux Sat 12-Jan-13 00:11:44

mmeLindor, I do see what you mean, but he does cook a lot more than once a month! He just does burgers once a month!

Yes, he is hugely over-sensitive about many things and I do ride roughshod over that sensitivity sometimes as I simply don't have time for all the pussy-footing required, especially as I usually end up having to beat him with the soggy end of his torn-off arm anyway. grin

it doesn't look like there's a way to tell him without bringing about more fall-out than it's worth, though I think I'll be bigging up the "I don't much like burgers" in general over the next few weeks. Luckily, I don't.

Thanks for your help everyone.

piprabbit Sat 12-Jan-13 00:18:02

Get him watching the Food Network (Freeview channel 48). Lots of real Americans making real burgers - all adding seasonings and flavourings.

Jenda Sat 12-Jan-13 01:38:59

my dp went through a phase of adding cinnamon to his beef burgers! it was vile. there was some honesty used there!

JoanByers Sat 12-Jan-13 01:52:02

Making burgers is pretty hard.

You need to grind the beef yourself, from whole pieces of steak.

The beef grinder must be stored in a freezer prior to freezing grinding the meat in order to avoid the fat melting at all.

The meat should be chilled to around -1C (not frozen solid, but firm) prior to grinding.

All the strands of beef should be in the same direction; to achieve this grind your meat into a cylindrical mould.

It is important to use meat that is at least 20% fat - try short ribs for starters.

Cook sous-vide to 56C, then dip into liquid nitrogen for 30s, and deep fry at 232C for 1 minute to brown.

It is important NOT to add salt until the patties have been formed, because this extracts myosin making the burger rubbery. The patties should be seasoned on the surface immediately prior to frying.

More detail here:

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 12-Jan-13 02:03:34

Wow, Joan, seriously?
I'm never ever going to make a home made burger again.sad
And I always thought mine were rather nice.

Greensleeves Sat 12-Jan-13 02:06:17

Joan that is claptrap

I made homemade burgers yesterday and they were delicious

and we are having them again tomorrow, because everyone loved them so much smile

JoanByers Sat 12-Jan-13 02:18:53

It's not claptrap at all.

It's science, and the man who co-wrote it is a Microsoft billionaire and spent tens of millions of dollars researching it.

There is lots there that is true, in particular about adding salt burger, and the dangers of heat when grinding meat.

I remember trying to make a recipe involving ground nuts and they essentially melted due to the heat from my grinder - you really do have to be careful with that.

It's also pretty much a given that more fat = tastier burgers, and that burgers taste way better cooked medium-rare, but shop mince will be contaminated with bacteria due to the exposed surface area, whereas the interior of beef is completely sterile and if kept very cold bacteria cannot grow after grinding, so it's safe to eat medium-rare.

The pictures here show what happens when you add salt to burgers when you make them:

You can make homemade burgers whatever way you like of course, but if the burgers don't taste good, then one of the faults above will be being committed - insufficient fat, overcooking, poorly ground meat, etc.

Burgers are about beef, the onion, chili, etc. go ON the burger, not in it.

Greensleeves Sat 12-Jan-13 02:20:23

my burgers look and taste lovely, they are firm enough, they are moist

you are just wrong I'm afraid. People who adhere to one narrow view of things usually are.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 12-Jan-13 02:22:59

It's a burger Joan, not bloody rocket science.

JoanByers Sat 12-Jan-13 02:23:50

No I'm not wrong at all.

Like I said, you can make your burgers whichever way you like.

But if, like the OP's husband, they are shit, then something will be going wrong along those lines.

Greensleeves Sat 12-Jan-13 02:24:59

IF they are wrong.

But if they taste and look lovely and people enjoy eating them, then they are good burgers, aren't they?

one born every minute hmm

JoanByers Sat 12-Jan-13 02:25:47

It is actually rocket science LadyBeagleEyes.

Lots of restaurants in London now try and serve rare burgers, and it's a public health risk if you don't follow scientific principles to ensure public safety, or, as McDonalds and the like do, cook until grey

SpecialAgentKat Sat 12-Jan-13 02:27:12

you are just wrong I'm afraid. People who adhere to one narrow view of things usually are.

This was SUCH an ironic statement that I almost spit tea all over the screen.

OP, YANBU. People who live together and cook for each other should be able to be honest with each other. I really hate a few core things that DH loves so occasionally we fuck up each others meal. We always say.

I think it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

Greensleeves Sat 12-Jan-13 02:28:14

but we were not discussing rare burgers

many people prefer their burgers well cooked

and you have failed to defeat the assertion that one can make a delicious, firm, nicely shaped, moist tasty burger without all the schenanigans you describe.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 12-Jan-13 02:38:08

Well I can Greensleeves.
Or I always thought I could, I didn't realise that the making of a burger was so complicated.
I think Joan, that I'd never have you over for a burger, I would never meet your expectations.

Greensleeves Sat 12-Jan-13 02:40:56

I think any potential irony is neutralised by the nature of what she is "just wrong" about - ie she is wrong to assert that there is only one way to do something confused

I was really chuffed with my burgers yesterday LBE, I had never made them before and they were gorgeous, even ds1 liked them! I don't believe there is any food that can only be prepared one way especially something as generic as a burger

JoanByers Sat 12-Jan-13 02:41:46

It's impossible to tell if your burgers have reached a safe temperature unless you cook them using an instant read probe.

They might be tasty an' all, and good burgers from that perspective, but it is Russian Roulette really.

My list of strictures was intended as a counterpoint to the typical 'Me Man. Cook with beef. And fire' style of cooking that the op's husband seems to exemplify.

Whether your particular burger tastes nice comes down to the science of cooking, proteins, fats, and so on.

Not: "He squashes a handful of mince together really hard to make a ball, then squashes it flat. "

There are lots of different issues with burger cooking, such as heat and the maillard reaction, the type of beef that you use, and so on. It's been observed for instance that certain burger products are actually popular because they are covered in sweet sauce - people respond to the sugar, and the meat is actually awful.

You can cook by instinct and routine without any reference to science, but the failure of the OP's burgers is absolutely due to a lack of science, since a correct understanding of the scientific principles is guaranteed to result in a good burger, whereas 'Jamie's burger recipe' or whatever might just be crap, and following some recipes will reliably produce bad results and without understanding the science of it (as I mentioned above re freezing the meat grinder, etc.) there's no way to tell what might have gone wrong, even given the insistence of another user that the same recipe has produced great results.

Greensleeves Sat 12-Jan-13 02:43:59

fgs the OP's dp's burgers are lacking in seasoning, not science

do you really think everyone needs a probe for home cooking? What about pies/cottage pies/puddings/chicken? Should people just not cook them unless they have a professional kitchen?

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 12-Jan-13 02:47:18

Joan, just hmm.
Now I must go to bed.

JoanByers Sat 12-Jan-13 02:48:16

And of course anyone of the strictures I listed can be ignored, but they are all reasoned and give a basis for improvement.

For instance if you cook burger using Asda Value Beef Mince, and it turns out well then that's fine. (Assuming you don't get food poisoning of course.) But if it turns out badly you'd have a whole list of things to experiment with for next time.

The info is all out there, and you can look at the cooked burger for instance and see that has emulsified, or that it is not juicy (and then check the fat content of the meat), or whatever.

I don't think it's reasonable to say 'your burgers suck', that's too simplistic: cooking is an evolutionary and analytical process, you cook, you record (or remember), you taste, you examine and you improve.

So 'dh, I don't like your burgers because they don't contain enough fat'. Or 'could you please season before cooking', or when cutting it open 'have you seen the texture of this burger, it's like sausage, do you think you could take more care with the meat to avoid that'.

JoanByers Sat 12-Jan-13 03:00:38

> do you really think everyone needs a probe for home cooking?

Without a doubt. They are fantastic, turkey at Christmas, probe in the breast, probe in between the leg and body, make sure it's at 71C = safe to serve to granny.

That burger you are serving, it looks plenty brown on the inside, but what's this, it's still 50C inside.

Or these duck breasts, nice and brown on the outside, I want them pink inside, should I finish them in the oven to bring them to up to temperature - probe says - still 30C inside, answer is yes.

> What about pies/cottage pies/puddings/chicken? Should people just not cook them unless they have a professional kitchen?

For things like stewing meat the meat becomes MORE tender the longer you cook because the fat and connective tissue breaks down, and essentially they can't be overcooked beyond the simple observation that the meat has disintegrated. The meat's flavour is retained in the sauce, which is desirable. So there's therefore no need for a probe.

For something like chicken you need to cook to 71C otherwise it's potentially serious health risk, but you don't want to overcook they are so lean and the meat will be horribly dry, so a probe is a good thing here to ensure food safety and avoid wastage (over cooking reduces weight).

For steak internal temperature isn't really relevant (parasite eggs will die at a certain temperature, but these aren't a big issue I believe with modern beef farming) for safety reasons, but for tenderness you don't really ever want to go beyond medium, and if you've spent £10 or £20 on steak then it's absurd not to cook it correctly because you lack a simple probe.

I wouldn't consider owning a probe to define a professional kitchen, although certainly a professional kitchen should have one.

Things like stand mixers, mandolines, muslin, pasta makers, sous vide cookers, are likely to be found in professional kitchens, but they aren't needed for basic home cooking. A probe is much more useful than any of these.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 12-Jan-13 03:08:34

I find this attitude of 'well he really tries with his two dishes poor lamb, I couldn't burst his bubble' really patronising, it infantilises men. Conversely, anyone who thinks everyone must like what they like, that they have nothing to learn and cannot accommodate kindly meant comment, is a big baby.

There are so many nice, encouraging ways to tell him that they could be nicer done differently, or are just not your favourite thing, what is the problem?

How could squashed mince be any better than anyone else's squashed mince, since there's nothing to differentiate the taste? He's got the 100% beef advertising line twisted, mistaking it for 'no seasoning' when it's really 'no mixed offal'.

Naysa Sat 12-Jan-13 03:35:40

Howling at joan's link about cooking burgers with liquid nitrogen.

There are hundreds of burger recipes that turn out great. Your one is not the be all end all.
If you use this method then good for you.

I personally in my reckless youth made burgers out of mince, raw egg and seasoning. Then threw them on the George Foreman. They were delicious. No liquid nitrogen in sight. grin

OP could try my Dh's way of dealing with meals he doesn't like when I cook. He finishes the meal then says, "don't make that again please it was horrible/bland/nasty" but he eats pretty much anything I make so I know he's being truthful. Tomorrow I'm making Chicken and dumplings I haven't done that in years so we'll see what happens.

MrsMushroom Sat 12-Jan-13 06:36:15

Lottie you put it so well. As for being "immensely grateful" that he cooks quite often OP...well. If he were not married to you and living with you, he'd have to cook ALL his meals no? So it's safe to assume that being immensely grateful isn't really necessary.

MrsMushroom Sat 12-Jan-13 06:37:50

I just tell DH what I think of something....he does the same. "Yuk this is rank" or "Bit dry?" Or "Gosh, this would be amazing....if I were a starving dog." and we always say when something is nice too.

MmeLindor Sat 12-Jan-13 08:33:29

Howling at Joan with her £300 cook book.

Was that in the 'We Saw You Coming' section of the bookstore?

I agree that the quality of the ingredients makes a huge difference to the taste of the food, but your burger recipe is more suited for CERN than a kitchen.

I could cook a 3 course meal in the time that it takes to make your burgers.

diddl Sat 12-Jan-13 08:54:40

I agree you should tell him.

Doesn´t he ever tell you when he doesn´t like something?

Anyway, burgers aren´t just flattened mince, are they?

Even if you don´t add onions/herbs, there should at least be breadcrumbs, shouldn´t there?

And egg-or is that just my husband??

MrsGeologist Sat 12-Jan-13 09:24:57

I love my food probe. Takes the guesswork out of cooking, as I'm not the best cook in the world.

My roast chicken always comes out nicely moist, but properly cooked, now. Previously, I'd always over or under cook it.

OP, you should tell him really. How else will he learn and improve his cooking skills? You don't have to say, 'your burgers are a bag of shit,' just 'these are a little underseasoned, maybe try putting salt and pepper in them.'

TheProvincialLady Sat 12-Jan-13 09:39:39

Just tell him. And every time he cooks something horrible, tell him. Don't pretend to like it or it's like faking orgasms, and we all know where that leads. His precious pride will survive.

Now let's discuss the chips. The only way to make chips is to buy Yemeni Polecat potatoes, store them in a dark pantry for 38 days and then soak in salted water (ratio 1g per 300ml). Peel using a japanese paring knife (blunt to avoid bruising the skin molecules), and use a commercial chip cutting machine to ensure each one is precisely 6mmx4mmx90mm. Fry in organic hemp oil at 380 degrees for exactly 3 minutes, then drain and fry in lard at 375 degrees for 3 minutes. Most people don't follow this recipe and they are risking botulism every time they so much as look at a potato.

(Sorry, couldnt resist).

TeWiSavesTheDay Sat 12-Jan-13 09:40:32

That's not going to help though, because he's purposefully not adding any seasoning.

I wouldn't say anything about the burgers being bad because my DH is always polite about my food. Even when I say 'argh, this recipe did not work at all and I'm having a sandwich instead' he will still try and find something positive before we discuss what might make it better.

OPs DH really likes his burgers, so I don't think he should have to change it, just say 'i know you really like your burgers, but I'd like mine with a little, x, y, z, please.'

TeWiSavesTheDay Sat 12-Jan-13 09:41:44

grin provinciallady

MmeLindor Sat 12-Jan-13 09:59:49

Provincial lady grin

Nothing against a probe (oo er), although I never use one and haven't served underdone meat yet, but the rest of the recipe is a bit OTT

Someone said earlier - he's missing the point of the ads with '100% beef' - that doesn't mean nothing else in them.

Seasoning would help, mrsG but you really need egg and breadcrumbs and some herbs would r improve the taste.

Get an attractive female friend to point out improvements. It works.

nickelbabe Sat 12-Jan-13 10:35:16

my Ex used to smoke and ate a lot of salt - basically, his tastebuds were shot

he used to make lambburgers. I never tasted them (being veggie), but I would watch him make them - he would throw in shedloads of salt, pepper, herbs, 2 or 3 onions... I can't imagine what other people thought when they tasted them, but even smelling them, it was like you'd been thrown into a vat of pepper! hmm

DuddlePuck Sat 12-Jan-13 10:38:44

My DH will ignore any helpful advice I give him, or do what I call the 'kicked puppy' look. Strangely, when workmates mock his loud shirt it is relegated to the back of the wardrobe, and when SIL points out the weird nose hair (subtle as a brick, that one), its gone by the morning.

Have a BBQ. Invite an outspoken friend or two (primed). Ask DH to make his speciality dish. Sympathise with him after the do at the thoughtless comments and enjoy tasty burgers forevermore. Job done.

EmmaBemma Sat 12-Jan-13 10:41:28

You really don't need a food probe to roast a chicken. It's 20 minutes for every 500 grams plus 30 minutes, at 160C. I do this and have never over- or under- roasted.

Tee2072 Sat 12-Jan-13 10:48:33

My burgers are delicious and I only use high quality mince and a bit of salt and pepper. Burgers should taste of meat, not all that other stuff y'all are talking about.

halcyondays Sat 12-Jan-13 10:55:52

I don't know why you can't just tell him you're not that keen on burgers. DH grumbles at a lot of my favourite foods and vice versa.

MmeLindor Sat 12-Jan-13 11:42:47

What do you know? Americans can't make good burgers. Jeez. You'd think you'd invented then or some...


diddl Sat 12-Jan-13 11:44:35

Well also as said, let him have his burgers how he wants & add what you want to yours.

But really, what he´s doing is just fried mince, isn´t it?

Tee2072 Sat 12-Jan-13 12:14:55

grin MmeLindor

My burgers are divine, juicy, tasty and filling. And I do none of what Joan suggests.

Inside-out burgers are the most popular, I wrap the meat mix around some grated cheese. Lamb burgers are also really good. The key is spicing, no salt in the meat mix and searing to seal the juice in before reducing the heat to cook through. The meat needs to be bound with an egg yolk too.

Now I'm craving burgers for dinner grin

Proudnscary Sat 12-Jan-13 12:18:15

Why are you 'immensely grateful' your partner cooks?

Why can't you just tell him his burgers suck?

Chandon Sat 12-Jan-13 12:23:17

Cause that woud unnecessarily rude and nasty.

Just add salt, pepper yourself and sauce and plastic cheese, onion, mayo

Proudnscary Sat 12-Jan-13 12:25:26

Why is it rude and nasty to tell your do you don't like one of his meals? I really don't get this at all. And we appreciate it when the other makes dinner but are not 'grateful' - there is a difference.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding Sat 12-Jan-13 12:47:15

Either buy him a burger recipe book or you could say you have gone off burgersgrin
Don' t tell him, It won' t do much good to his confidence

lottiegarbanzo Sat 12-Jan-13 13:32:51

If you were capable of doing only the simplest car maintenance tasks, like checking the oil and the screen wash and, every month gained great enjoyment from checking the tyre pressure, consistently badly so your readings were useless, would you expect your DP to fawn over you, offering fulsome praise every time you did you did it, never mentioning that your readings were always wrong, all for the sake of your pride and fragile ego?

I would consider that immensely patronising, would think he had his head stuck in some 1950s notion of gender roles and the presumed inability of the 'little lady' to learn such a manly task (but bless her for trying eh? so sweet!).

I would much rather he acknowledged my effort and enthusiasm and told me how to do the task properly (assuming he knew of course). Then I'd wonder why I hadn't checked I was doing it right before and be pleased to have learnt something useful.

Jux Sat 12-Jan-13 14:55:38

Joan, I love your instructions grin. Not practical for us though. They might be useful and I am currently getting flashes of inspiration about how I might use your know-how....

Luckily, our butcher is a genius with meat (celebrity said so, so it must be true!) and he delivers meat to 2 and 3 star restaurants in London every week. I reckon that his is probably the safest mince you can get - round here anyway.

Thank you all for your thoughts. thanks

YY to telling him.

I went through 6 years of dp's dry, nasty omelettes. I finally broke when I was pregnant (so not accountable for outbursts wink) and told him he made the shittest omelettes I'd ever had the displeasure to force down my throat.

He is an excellent cook btw, just not great at the humble omelette.

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 15:32:20

Can you not just put some cheese, lettuce, pickles, onions tomatoes etc. with it and eat it like that?

It's a burger once a month... a bit of perspective would be good.

Jux Sat 12-Jan-13 19:42:30

Bamboo, I've been saying for almost all my subsequent posts that I'll just eat them. Please don't accuse me of losing perspective. It's because, to me, it's a pretty trivial matter that I haven't said anything to dh before, coupled with it being a big thing for him. If I'd lost perspective, I'd be posting on relationships asking if I should LTB!

ihearsounds Sat 12-Jan-13 19:50:58

A burger on its own, even with seasoning and herbs aren't that great. But add cheese, mayo, ketchup, pickles, mustard, red onion, lettuce, tomatoes and it turns into something edible.
A burger without all of that is just a mcdonalds, which are bland.

Pickles101 Sun 13-Jan-13 03:56:18

I can't be the only one sniggering at 'food probe'.

Probe grin

Oh dear, I think he's got sucked into the McDonalds (or was it Burger King?) marketing campaign where they said "our burgers are 100% beef and nothing else".

What he's forgotten is that said campaign DID mention they added seasoning grin

Plain mince squashed into a burger sounds really vile. You need to conduct a taste test one day. Plain mince vs. seasoned mince vs. seasoned mince with garlic and onion...

JoanByers Sun 13-Jan-13 16:31:39
meddie Sun 13-Jan-13 16:34:19

pretend to get food poisoning after one of his burgers, run the loo a lot, make heaving noises in the toilet.
next time he offers to cook them, say as much as you love his burgers, after your food poisoning just the thought of them is making your stomach heave, which is sucha terrible shame.
never have to eat his burgers again......

Jux Sun 13-Jan-13 19:07:19

Joan, I saw Heston B doing something very similar to that on tv once. DH does think Heston's a marvel, but even he thinks HB goes a bit further than yer average domestic cook should be expected to, or should even want to. The last series, dh thought was ludicrous and just courting publicity.

Part of the problem is that dh is very competitive and I am a better cook, so he needs to cook things which I don't. They are few and far between.

JoanByers Sun 13-Jan-13 21:19:47

They sell Heston burgers in Waitrose. About five quid for two.

Perhaps buy some, serve and just leave it at that, point will make itself?

Jux Sun 13-Jan-13 22:29:33

No Waitrose near us, Joan. Tbh, I wouldn't buy them anyway, as I don't like burgers much. DH would think it very odd if I bought some. Then I couldn't ever say I don't like burgers again! grin

It's not a massive problem.

Greensleeves Sun 13-Jan-13 22:30:52

Heston needs to be slapped and told not to play with his food


JoanByers Sun 13-Jan-13 22:52:55

his convenience foods aren't bad. But I went to one of his pubs once, it was a dreadful rip-off/con.

Chandon Mon 14-Jan-13 07:07:38

Oh Greensleeves, I agree

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