To get a bit offended by these women? Baby bump related...(41 Posts)
I spoke to some friends of DH last night - I have known them for a while but am not that close to them. Anyway, I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my first and so far my bump has been quite small and "neat", i.e. I only look like I've put weight on at the front and nowhere else. Anyway, in the last 3-4 weeks, my bump has got huge, it's measuring big for dates but is still quite compact so actually looks pretty ridiculous, like I've swallowed a bowling ball!
I used to be a dance teacher so have got quite strong tummy muscles so I think that's maybe why the bump is that shape, or maybe it's just nature, I don't know. I'm happy to laugh along with people who think it looks funny and have been quite laid-back about it.
Anyway, when I spoke to these ladies, their comments were "oh dear, you're really never going to manage to get that baby out, you'll have lots of pain and trouble giving birth, you may as well ask for a c-section cos that's never coming out naturally, you'll get ripped to bits even trying" etc. I have nothing against a c-section and if that's what it takes then so be it but these comments just seemed really unnecessary and mean and designed to worry me. AIBU to be annoyed (and worried now)?
Ignore them. From what I've seen in friends and myself bump size has very little relation to the size of your baby and the difficulty of your birth. They are just being thoughtless or mean.
Hugs for you
I'm 27 weeks and huge also, just from the front only. Also look like I'm expecting to give birth to a beach ball
The looks ive had off people when I say I'm only 27 weeks .. It amazes me how people can be so shocked or even bothered
I just try and ignore them now as I've been quite round for a while.
Also the amount of people who have just looked at me and shouted "BOY!!" ... No hello, or previous conversation. Just pointing at my bump shouting boy.. Not even people I know lol
Its a girl...
You've not got long left now, just try and ignore it and enjoy the last few weeks
holly some friends of my DH. Must've missed it out of the OP - sorry!
Gosh, I thought this was going to be another person offended by strangers rubbing their bump, or making "are you sure it's not twins?" comments.
I usually think these people are very sensitive and taking offence where none is intended. However, those comments are bloody thoughtless and cruel.
YANBU. Their comments are weird at best! WTF do they know about pregnancy shape and baby size etc.? OK, if they were midwives I would be worried but as they're not (assumption based on the fact that midwives would use a lot more tact) I would just think that they were being weird and rude.
I had a ridiculous bump and an umbilical hernia and badly damaged tummy muscles - be proud of your beautiful bump and I bet you'll be one of those who is back in their old jeans within a week due to your strong tummy muscles
And it isn't the size of the bump that matters
Hope you have a happy healthy birth
People love to make birth sound as though it's always dramatic and horrific, but even the experts can't predict what kind of birth anyone is actually going to have! I know someone who had a tiny baby (less that 5 pounds) by caesarian and several who have managed to give birth to 10lb+ babies in a couple of hours without a single stitch. They probably thought they were being helpful by being 'honest', but unless any of them have any qualifications then they are really only telling you what you already know - giving birth is generally pretty painful and sometimes intervention is needed, no matter how big your bump!
If its any consolation, strong tummy muscles help in labour usually and they help you ping back into shape.
They're probably just jealous!
Well that sounds like completely unnecessary, ill informed and unhelpful rubbish. I would have been offended too! Pregnancy is scary enough as it is and if you're anything like me you're probably panicking about all sorts of things without any extra encouragement! The fact is your bump is full of a lot of other stuff apart from the baby, and your body is pretty good at doing what it needs to do. Ignore the fools! And best of luck.
Well yes, they are being obnoxious and insensitive. Yanbu. Do not worry at all about what they say. I looked as you describe with my first, she was 9lb 7.5oz and I had a very easy, unassisted birth with a minuscule tear so absolutely tiny that the midwife only popped 1 or 2 stitches in ( because I requested that she did). A HUGE BUMP in no way equals a bad birth
This is the worst bit about pregnancy - the horror stories that people seem to think they can tell you about what you're going to have to face at the end! Everyone knows it has to come out, we're just praying for it to be as easy and painless as possible, and nobody likes to hear about the agonising bits! Bumps are no indication of type of labour whatsoever. Fingers crossed you have an easy and problem free one!
I was MASSIVE with Dc1, but the birth was fine and I didn't need any stitches. He turned out to be a very small baby too and had to wear the 'tiny baby' clothes for the first few weeks. My stomach went back down fine afterwards too so it wasn't just lots of fat - must have been all waters. Don't listen to those ladies, they're probably just jealous that you're only big at the front. With this pg for dc2 my thighs, arse, boobs and sides are all bigger too .
Ridiculous isn't it?
Unless they know the size of your fanjo and pelvic bones, I'd tell them to STFU.
Hi OP - they don't sound like very kind or thoughtful people. Just ignore them, they know nothing about you, your baby, your pregnancy and nor are they able to look into the their crystal balls to predict the future.
And I think that Holly was implying that you were being very polite and kind to call them ladies, when they don't appear to be acting like ladies.
Ignore the horror stories.
My bumps were both monstrous - people were like "OMG! How are you going to do that?"
I'm a size 8/10 and my first baby was 9lb13 and was delivered naturally. Your body just does the job and it sounds like you're the type of person who'll walk out of hospital wearing your pre-pregnancy jeans!
I agree - it's jealousy and total insensitivity on their part.
They sound horrible why is it everyone seems to get "your bump is too big/small" I wonder if anyone has ever had the perfect sized shaped bump, probably not because people do love their unnecessary comments. ...
FWIW I've been huge both times both times baby has been average to small so it's no indication. 1 labour was not great 1 I slept through most of it, hypnobirthing far too relaxed. So you just never know most likely you'll be fine!
Bump size has very little to do with baby size.
I used to get fed up with "ooh - you'd best be careful there's not two in there." I'd reply, "I hope there are I'm having twins." Because I was. FFS - some people don't half piss you off. YANBU. They should mind their own business.
It doesnt matter what other people think, but I dont pass comment on others, dont understand why ones body becomes public property!
On the other hand, My consultant told me today that i had a particularly beautifully shaped bump preens
One word of advice: If they start talking this way again, tell them you don't want to hear it. If they continue, get up and leave. I had to do that at work when Childless!! Women were telling me horror stories.
Dh got so angry he told me to tell them to shut it & if they started again to get up and walk out. I told her, she didn't shut it, I got up and walked away. She was so gobsmacked she didn't do it again!
And by the way I was very 'compact' when pregnant as well. My nurse never saw anything like it! Well let me tell you, two days after I had ds I was wearing prepregnancy clothes!! I just popped back!!
You will be fine. Be firm and tell them to shut it. I wasn't worried about being polite. They sure weren't polite to me!
YANBU! I am a large lady, the doctor, who should know better, told me I would have no trouble pushing a big baby out. I told him that under all this fat is a delicate bone structure. I am not big boned. I ended up with an EMCS for my 10lb 5 oz baby.
You, on the other hand, will probably have no trouble at all!!!
Just to share a positive story - my dd's birth was wonderful. Genuinely not at all painful, although it was damned hard work! 5 cm before i knew what was happening and then a lovely labour in a wee pool at home, with a gentle birth after a few hours. It can and does happen and birth is not inevitably painful and horrific. I appreciate I was very fortunate, but if it can be like that for me, it could for anyone.
Don't listen to these women or any horror stories. YY to telling them to shut it or leaving the room.
You'll be just fine, whatever the size or shape of your bump.
YANBU. I think the response you were looking for was "fuck you!" How dare they say such horrific stuff to a pregnant woman. You will be fine - lady bits are very stretchy! X
My mum had a bump like you describe... swallowed a bowling ball bit really big in the last weeks. I was out in one push no stitches, so ignore these women!
How mean of them. Agree with other poster to tell them to stop and if they don't get up and walk off.
If its any help, I have a friend who is tiny ( like Kylie) and a Pilates instructor, yoga etc. she had the same bump as you by the sound of it. She managed fine with water births for all 4 dc, large babies and bounced back every time to her normal super skinny healthy self after normal easy deliveries. she also bf all for 2 years advice even after the helpful advice she had no breasts so wouldn't be able to from helpful "friends"
They shouldnt be trying to scare you. People do do that with new mums to be.
People just carry babies differently. I had the same type of bump as you describe for dd1. My birth wasn't partuculatly straight forward but nothing to do with the size of dd ( labout had to be speeded up) she was 8lb8 (also 10days overdue) so just on the larger side of average but had a natural birth with just a few stitches which healed very well.
Second pregnancy and I am carrying exactly the same im 30 weeks. The looks I get when I tell people Im am due in March. You would think I had told them I was having triplets. People like to comment I think some people don't actually realise during pregnancy how much these comments can affect you.
My bumps were the way you describe yours, and apart from one being induced, both of my births were pretty textbook.
YANBU to be annoyed, but try not to give their comments enough credit for them to annoy you. They clearly don't have a clue what they are talking about. You have no reason to worry any more than anyone else who is 33 weeks pregnant. If you did, your midwife would have told you by now.
I had a maHOOSive bump. DS was 7lb. It was mostly
Some women can't resist getting a dig in just about the least supportive, encouraging sort of talk any pregnant woman needs to hear. Hopefully not all your encounters with people are like this, try and tune out any negative stories.
Fwiw assuming you are going to have help with delivering your baby from trained professionals, they'll have seen it all before, you'll be in safe hands and when your pfb will be safe in your arms you'll not give those witches a second thought .
HollyTheHedgehog very good riposte!
What rude, nasty women! Ignore them completely. I'm glad you posted on here so you can rid yourself of the effects of their dumb, thoughtless comments.
The thing is, daft/malicious people will continue to say stuff - at every stage of pg, when your baby is tiny, when they're a toddler, etc...some people seem to be unable to help themselves from seeping out toxic crap!
Ignore, laugh at them, change the subject, walk away - never feel you have to be polite or take any of it on board.
Your birth story will be unique. Could be easy and quick, could be more complex like mine was. But episodic and sometimes challenging as mine was I coped brilliantly, and look back and think, wow! I seriously impressed myself And it was an astonishing experience.
Sounds to me like you're fit as a fiddle and that will help enormously!
Congratulations on your pregnancy
My friend had a HUGE bump and her DD was only 5lbs when born. Everything else was fluid and all the good stuff surrounding the baby. My bump was quite compact and my DD weighed 8.3lbs! Her birth was amazing and I actually enjoyed it. The most harmful part of birth is the fear that goes with it. Get yourself a hypno birthing book and CD. Did wonders for me as I went into it with a positive attitude. I only lost it briefly just before she came out. The rest of the time I was calm and in control. Ignore the silly twits!
I had a huge bump, no weight elsewhere and looked like I had swallowed a very large water melon, labour was 5 hours, no stitches. You will be fine. Be proud of your bump x
Same here getting fed up of the out the "out the sun roof" and wizards sleeve comments. I'm 28 weeks so have to put up with it for a while yet.
my DS was 8lb 5.5oz and my DD was 7lb 5oz and I would say DS was easier while dd i had a little graze, the size of the baby is no indication on how the birth is going to go.
Ignore the silly women who obviously don't know what they're talking about. I've got 3, every time I've exactly the same type of bump and have had 3 normal healthy births with no stitches needed. It's got nothing to do with the bump size and everything to do with your hips!
YANBU but I would snigger at them a little...
Women love to talk about awful labours and stitches and engorgement and pelvic floors and tearing etc etc! I have no idea why!
FWIW I had two massive bumps while still staying a size 8. I looked like I should just fall over, but babies were 7lb and 7lbs 3. I had two C Sections, but that was for completely different reasons.
A friend of mine delivered a 10lb 4 baby no sweat!
Just ignore them, bump size is no indication of baby size-midwife told me she thought DD would be 6lb 12oz from my bump & her prodding, she was 8lb 3oz.
You'll be fine, as said before everything is very stretchy
Ignore, ignore, ignore. I am a size 6 normally and have given birth to 2 children naturally with no pain relief (other than a tens machine with the first). I had similar comments but was fine.
I also have small breasts and people kept saying I wouldn't be able to beast feed. I fed my first dc till he was 15 months old and my second till she was 19 months.
Not a size 6 at the moment though as 28 weeks pregnant.
What horrid ladies! Tell me where they are and I'll go and tell them off!
If you are a dance teacher you were probably in tip-top physical condition before you got pregnant so you are in the best position for labour.
And they can stuff off.
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