To be absolutely mortified?

(50 Posts)
WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:10:02

So I'm 24 with no kids and no plans of having them anytime soon. Due to losing a friend to childbirth and having family members who had ongoing problems after having children, I became very interested in childbirth- both natural and c section.

I'm now a childbirth activist and I feel strongly that it's a feminist issue.

Now, the thing is I'm quite regular on several Facebook and twitter groups which are about childbirth. This may sound stupid but until now I had no clue that friends could see in their newsfeed when I post in those groups(which is quite often). A couple of friends mentioned it today and that's how I found out.

For some reason, I'm mortified. I feel so exposed!! I know I have a right to my opinions and it's a Good cause, but I just didn't want everyone to know how involved I am with childbirth.

Most of my friends aren't interested in this at all and wouldn't understand my level of involvement with it. I'm just feeling embarrassed, and I'm so surprised at this reaction. I feel like they're all going to think what's a girl with no kids doing all over childbirth pages?

I'm even more mortified at how odd my male friends probably think I am.

I'm sounding like a teenager, I'm sure, but please tell me honestly if I'm being stupid.

Shakey1500 Wed 09-Jan-13 22:13:15

I'm being thick-what's a "childbirth activist"? What is it you do in this regard?

Regardless of the content, YABU to feel embarrassed at something you feel passionate about. Should be able/willing to explain your theories, thoughts etc?

I wouldn't be embarrassed. I feel strongly about many issues even though they haven't happened to me personally!

BinksToEnlightenment Wed 09-Jan-13 22:14:33

I don't think you're being stupid. I wouldn't like my Mumsnet posts on Facebook.

I think you need to arrange your privacy and lists settings.

Then forget about it. We all get embarrassed now and again but the only one who will ever think to remember this happened is you!

WorraLiberty Wed 09-Jan-13 22:15:18

Just go through your privacy settings and select 'hide activity'.

Yes you are being a bit daft. Who gives a shit what your friends might think? Yabu however for being a Young Person who doesn't understand Facebook privacy settings.

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:16:40

It's basically raising awareness about the rights of pregnant women- both to refuse and demand procedures. Its also got to do with talking about the risks and dangers (and also benefits) of different forms of childbirth.

Just dialogue about it can enable people to learn so much from each other.

SurroundedByBlue Wed 09-Jan-13 22:20:03

Sounds really interesting. I am forever feeling that my opinions don't count and that no one listens, I'm never sure what I can ask for or refuse etc (37 weeks pregnant) I think I will look up child birth activists, might do me good smile

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:20:55

I tried, but I can't. Apparently, I can only control my timeline and newsfeed. I can't control what shows up in a friend's newsfeed. Every time I post in those groups, this shows up on their newsfeed- "XYZ posted in CHILDBIRTH".

I actually emailed FB and asked and they said they can't control it, because these are public groups. blush

Shakey1500 Wed 09-Jan-13 22:23:30

Thanks for elaborating smile

No clue on the settings though, sorry.

RainbowsFriend Wed 09-Jan-13 22:23:53

I had similar issues with this and set up a facebook account just to be involved in such group discussions. You might want to try that?

CloudsAndTrees Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:20

Facebook is very annoying the way it has done this. I think it has had the opposite effect of what it was probably supposed to, and people are much more wary of what they write on FB nowadays. I have found that people comment less knowing that their every move is going to be broadcast.

And what's with the thing that tells you how long ago it was when your friends last checked their FB? It's just plain annoying!

EnjoyResponsibly Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:29

Can't you set up your FB with a different e-mail address to the one you use to post on your Fourms?

OkayHazel Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:40

Stop posting in them. Post in anon forums instead.

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:25:45

SurroundedByBlue You just made me feel very good about what I try to do smile

JessicaMLH Wed 09-Jan-13 22:26:30

The only way to control it, is for every one of your friends to go to your profile and select not to view your activity (sorry I can't remember exactly what it's called! Basically stops the 'x commented on Y PAGE' and 'x liked a photo' etc posts, they still see anything you post like statuses, photos etc). Which is ridiculous, because you can't control it yourself and how on earth can you make every friend do this?! Stupid fb!

However, don't feel embarrassed for commenting on things you feel passionately about, and for a good cause. I'm sure even male friends can understand this grin

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:29:57

TheSecondComing Oh that's not how it is at all!!! It's not agenda based, or biased. Besides I dont give medical advice. I can only help with evidence based information. In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention. Besides, I'm still learning too and these groups are a great way for me to do that.

FrameyMcFrame Wed 09-Jan-13 22:31:08

She lost her friend in childbirth. She is a woman. Surely that gives her the right to care about this topic TheSecondComing?

suburbophobe Wed 09-Jan-13 22:32:10

Sorry, don't understand what you are on about.

I'm a single mum with a 21-year-old, does that help?

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 22:32:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 22:34:19

Using your logic TheSecondComing I should stop fundraising for my local hospice. Given I have never been in one or been directly affected by it? hmm

The OP is campaigning for women to be given choice based on education and evidence regarding childbirth. I don't see how that is ever a bad thing.

OrangeLily Wed 09-Jan-13 22:34:28

Thesecondcoming.... So you're not allowed a 'say' because you haven't had a baby or because you're not a medical professional. What a load of nonsense! It's a women's issue.

I would feel the same about private things on Facebook. I would be mortified if people knew what I wrote on here, I like to be anonymous.

pollyblue Wed 09-Jan-13 22:34:57

I would second Rainbows suggestion, and open another FB account for the sole purpose of posting in the childbirth group (and obv don't friend anyone who's not in the group grin )

And no i don't think you should be embarrassed about something you feel passionate about.

But i do concur with TheSeconds coments in a way - my bacon was saved by a hellish amount of medical intervention when DD1 was born.....my hoped-for hypnobirth went right out of the window and i'm glad decisions were made on my behalf by people who - in those circs - had more knowledge and experience than me. I get a bit nervous of activism because, in my experience, it can go hand in hand with scaremongering.

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:35:12

Well, don't worry. I'd never ask anyone to get a home VBAC. EVER.

Nor am I an NCB nut ;)

pollyblue Wed 09-Jan-13 22:37:23

x posted with OP

In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention.

ah ok smile i was worrying unduly

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:38:54

I'm actually trying to raise awareness about how damaging the misinformation spread by agenda pushers can be. It's all about sharing evidence.

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 22:46:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook Wed 09-Jan-13 22:53:06

Oh yes. I've made that mistake in my early fb days. But I wrote on...Mr Tumble's page thanking him for entertaining dd during the weekends in the morning. This is why I hate Facebook. You never know when they change their settings again.

I have two groups that I overshare with. Both are private groups! grin

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 23:02:38

Yes, when I fund raise I just go ask for money TSC. I don't give details about the hospice itself, what it does and how it can benefit the local community. Just a big pot with "give me money" on it. hmm. Being an advocate means to speak, plead or argue in favour of, or to support. What is a fundraiser if not this? <pats thesaurus>

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 23:03:13

Yeah, these are private too, so nobody can read the posts, but the activity still shows up!

"WANTS LIKED A PICTURE ON CHILDBIRTH"

"WANTS POSTED IN GROUP BLAH"

Grrrr.

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 23:04:30

Whale music births!! Hehehe.

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 23:11:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody Wed 09-Jan-13 23:13:27

Hi op, not sure what a child birth activist is but hope its someone who could represent ALL pregnant women in their choices.

You sound very sensible and good on you for caring.

Why would you feel bad at people knowing what you do? Any male obstetricians are the same as you, have never given birth but I think you probably will at some time, unlike these experts who never will.

SolomanDaisy Wed 09-Jan-13 23:13:27

If you're an activist wanting to raise awareness of your anti- agenda agenda, shouldn't you be pleased people are seeing your activity?

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 23:15:13

Sorry, I didn't realise I needed a medical degree to support a local charity. I better inform the hospice immediately, they will no doubt want to refer me for further training.

Wonder what part of medical school covers nice home like environments for those in their finals days and the benefits of having a garden and volunteers to make tea for relatives.....

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 23:19:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 23:26:17

Not bigging myself up. Simply drawing your attention to the fact that you know nothing about the group to which OP refers other than what she has posted here, you implied she was advising women to refuse medical advise on favour of whale music based birth plans.

There is a big difference between "an untrained voice" on the internet and a group aiming to give "evidence based information. In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention."

Your first post seemed to assume much about the OP, some of which was contradictory to her original post. She has been affected by this issue, she lost a friend through childbirth. My point in return was that I to have no experience of an issue I support, doesn't mean I'd be better suited to animal rights. I would quote you, but it seems to have been deleted.

squeakytoy Wed 09-Jan-13 23:29:42

"If you're an activist wanting to raise awareness of your anti- agenda agenda, shouldn't you be pleased people are seeing your activity?"

I was thinking exactly the same thing!! grin

MammaTJ Wed 09-Jan-13 23:41:18

One of my friends set up a group to go and have brows soothed when they want to correct the spelling and grammar on their friends statuses. I pointed out very quickly that all their friends would see it on their news feed.

She changed the group to private with immediate effect.

I belong to one lovely private group that I feel I can post in honestly and openly. I also belong to a group to do with my DSs ptosis (damage to the nerve and muscle to the eyelid) and every time I post in there it seems someone messages me with 'useful' advice about 'lazy eye' which ptosis is not!! They haven;t a clue but persist in giving me false information. I messaged the group admin to ask them to make it private and they have yet to do so. I shall not be posting until they do.

Cabrinha Wed 09-Jan-13 23:58:49

Hmmmm. Well the answer is obviously to have two fb accounts. But if this is something you want to raise awareness for, then why not show if?

Tbh though, I also find myself uncomfortable at the idea of "childbirth activist" and hope that you AREN'T following some agenda - perhaps unwittingly. The fact you want to hide what you do makes me wonder.

WantsToBeFree Thu 10-Jan-13 00:07:27

Oh gosh, the presumptions are getting too much.

I'm not wanting to hide. Activist was the wrong word to use- I'm just a supporter of childbirth rights and awareness. I want women to have evidence based information on all forms of delivery- elective c sections, hospital birth, epidural birth, home birth, VBAC.... and I want them to make informed decisions about what works best for them. I want them to have the right and the space to make that choice and then have it respected.

Now this doesn't mean I'm going to tell a woman to deliver her triplets under a tree or to eat her placenta. That's the kind of nonsense we warn against.

Loveweekends10 Thu 10-Jan-13 06:51:56

If you are an especially active, vigorous advocate of a cause - then you are an activist.
I'm not sure what rights and information you inform women of but as a nurse I believe women having more information is a good thing.
I just hope your facts and information are up to date, current, based upon viable research.
As for Facebook as others have said. You are an activist why would you not want every opportunity to spread your message?

WantsToBeFree Thu 10-Jan-13 08:05:14

I see your point, and I agree. It's just that most of my social circle is culturally so different ....I feel like I'm probably being ridiculed behind my back. Mt friends are still in that student phase- they won't get why I'm so into this cause.

I've thought about the two accounts thing....it would be very messy and inconvenient for me, but I may well have to do that.

MoetEtPantsOn Thu 10-Jan-13 08:13:38

I have two accounts - one for sellng stuff in my local selling group. My Mum got offended that I was on-selling a dress she had bought DD. it's quite handy. I leave one logged on on phone and the other logged on on laptop to save switching.

hackmum Thu 10-Jan-13 08:19:34

If it helps, OP, I do understand where you're coming from. I have my private views on some things, things I feel quite strongly about, that I wouldn't express to certain real life friends because it would hurt their feelings. I can understand why you feel embarrassed about your activity even though objectively there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

There doesn't seem to be an answer, unfortunately, apart from the separate accounts thing.

sunnysunnyshine Thu 10-Jan-13 08:27:19

Yanbu to be a bit embarrassed. Maybe mortified is a bit ott tho.

Rightly or wrongly people may judge or think its a bit odd (your interest in childbirth as you don't have children). Obviously those who know your background will understand. I'm NOT saying what's right or wrong but I just know what fb is like for judging...

YorkshireDeb Thu 10-Jan-13 08:27:52

Whilst I don't understand why you would want this particular fact about yourself hidden YANBU for wanting some control over which aspects of your life are splashed across facebook for all to see. I discovered a male colleague of mine is gay when I spotted comments he's posted about not kicking a particular rugby star out of bed! He had no idea this was being posted on everyone's wall. x

Lonelybunny Thu 10-Jan-13 08:32:37

This happened to a friend of mine. , she thought she was writing a comment on talk sport page and it automatically did it thru Facebook then everyone could see it and it was a very private issue ! She managed to get talk sport to remove it but took 8 hours . She was truly mortified and very upset about itsad

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