To feel its a cheek to text for my nanny's number knowing she will be asking her to pick up her kid

(105 Posts)
sorryimlateagain Wed 09-Jan-13 18:09:43

I got a text today from another mum at the school just before pick-up time just saying 'can you send me 'your nanny's' number'. Last year she constantly called my nanny to collect and look her child from school on a particularly day of the week because she was on a course. Surely she should arrange and pay for her own Childcare rather than use someone else's. She didn't bother asking me if was ok. My nanny also felt 'abused'. Not sure how to handle it either. Wouldn't mind so much if she asked and it was an occasional thing but... She's obviously lost the number. So far not answered cos I was in a meeting. AIBU?

Euphemia Wed 09-Jan-13 18:11:17

YANBU. Cheeky mare.

thebody Wed 09-Jan-13 18:12:09

Why would you think it's ok to give out Antibes mobile number without checking first..

Say no but get her number and tell her you will pass it on to the nanny.

Both of you need to stop being so nice and tell her no.

MammaTJ Wed 09-Jan-13 18:12:19

I would tell her I don't give out other peoples numbers without their permission. Problem solved in the first instance.

Tell her your Nanny is busy and not available to help her.


Virgil Wed 09-Jan-13 18:12:28

How about responding saying

"Oh I'm glad you texted I was going to ask if you wanted to split the cost of the nanny's salary on those nights when you need a nanny."

Definitely don't give her the number!

Sunnywithshowers Wed 09-Jan-13 18:12:56

YANBU. Don't answer. If she texts back, tell her that your nanny doesn't want you to give out her number.

HairyPotter Wed 09-Jan-13 18:13:11

Very rude. I wouldn't bother replying or possibly sent the wrong number

cathpip Wed 09-Jan-13 18:15:04

most definately not, give her the number for the nanny agency and tell her there prices are very reasonable!!

CarlingBlackMabel Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:26

Don't give her the number.

And if she asks again, or if you see her tell her that your nanny is busy looking after your child, and that your nanny feels compromised being approached by other parents because she's working for you. If she is in a real emergency, can she ask YOU, and if it is a day your nanny isn't doing an after school activity then YOU will ask if your nanny can help out.

Just asking you nanny directly to cover a regular childcare need is outrageous.

TippiShagpile Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:53

I agree. What a rude cow.

Just say that your nanny has asked you not to give out her number.

alarkaspree Wed 09-Jan-13 18:17:47

No YANBU, she is taking the piss. It would be tempting to ignore her text but better for the long term if you could reply and say that you don't want her asking your nanny to look after her child too. If it was an occasional one-off in an emergency I'm sure you would say yes, but this is just taking advantage.

Either that or offer her a nanny-share on Wednesday afternoons, and you can split the cost of giving the nanny a bit of extra money for the extra child.

RyleDup Wed 09-Jan-13 18:18:36

Yep, either con

GreatUncleEddie Wed 09-Jan-13 18:18:53

Don't put the decision out as the nanny's! You need to man up and tell her she can't use your nanny. Because she is working for you.

DeafLeopard Wed 09-Jan-13 18:19:29

I think you also need to empower your nanny that she won't get a bollocking from you if she tells this woman that she won't pick up her child.

Sometimes it is difficult for a nanny not wanting to offend their bosses friends.

You pay the nanny's wages to look after your child.

Ignore the text.

RyleDup Wed 09-Jan-13 18:19:41

Try again.
Either completely ignore it or Do what virgill said. Or say, sorry, but shes working for you on those days.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 09-Jan-13 18:19:47

Text her the number of a nanny agency.

maddening Wed 09-Jan-13 18:22:09

If you really want to stop it I reckon reply with the truth - you pay for 1-2-1 childcare for a reaaon and it is rude of her to approach your nanny. You feel she was wrong to ask your nanny to pick her up when you were paying for the time and that maybe if she had approached you the first time you might have been happy to come to an equitable arranhement but as it is now you would rather not. Supply the number for an agency as pp suggested and she can make her own arrangements out of her own purse.

LadyStark Wed 09-Jan-13 18:23:38

Ignore the message, pretend you didn't get it if she asks. Don't make this as easy for her as just sending a text, she's taking the piss.

LadyStark Wed 09-Jan-13 18:26:18

Oh and tell her that unfortunately your nanny is unable to look after any children, her employment contract states this and it would impact employers liability etc. assume children go back to your house? What happens if the other child falls over and hurts herself in the care of your nanny, who is liable?

NeverBeRudeToAReindeer Wed 09-Jan-13 18:28:00

Either tell her your nanny has asked you not to give her number out, or tell her you'll pass her number on to nanny. If you were my boss, I would be less than happy that you were giving my number out, TBH.

I can't believe that people behave like this.

I don't understand. Why would your nanny even consider picking up a child she isn't being paid to care for?

Just dazzle Brass Neck with science and tell her you can't give out Nanny's number for Data Protection reasons.

VonHerrBurton Wed 09-Jan-13 18:34:36

Cheeky cow, Jeez!! I thought it was bad enough when my irresponsible, disorganised, pita, looks out for herself to the detriment of all others including her own dc (phew!) neighbour rings me 30 seconds before I leave the house either morning or afternoon, asking if I mind collecting/dropping off her ds as 'there's no point in us both going' hmm (we are no longer very friendly)

To do that in such a hard-faced manner is just beyond belief. Ignore her. Completely.

zlist Wed 09-Jan-13 18:35:29

I agree - you have no right to give out her number anyway, without your nanny's permission.
I would make it crystal clear in your reply that it is not ok for her to ask your nanny to look after your children in the hours she is working for you, as politely as possible - but not so polite the point gets lost.

SantasENormaSnob Wed 09-Jan-13 18:37:12

The cheeky fucking cow shock

SeeYouWhenISeeYou Wed 09-Jan-13 18:37:42

This is quite simply unbelievable

Hydrophilic Wed 09-Jan-13 18:39:35

I would tell her that as your nanny's employer you are not allowed to give out her number for data protection reasons. I can't imagine your nanny would be took happy if you did give her number out to anyone who asked!

Cheeky cow.

Proudnscary Wed 09-Jan-13 18:44:20

I'd say 'don't think i should give her number out really without asking her - what's it about?'

In real life (as opposed to Mumsnet) it's quite hard to say the very upfront and confrontational things others claim they would!

TWvirgin Wed 09-Jan-13 18:45:22

Simply reply with "why?" And if she actually texts the truth, "what!??? I'm going to assume this is some sort of a joke."

CaptChaos Wed 09-Jan-13 18:47:43

I have just checked in my handy book of etiquette.

It says that the proper response to a text such as this is....

'No! Fuck off you necky bitch!'

Do hope that helps.

shock if you were collecting her DC , then you'd expect a return of favour- her picking up your DC.

But she's trying to blag a freebie childcare pick up !

Has she ever in the past suggested paying towards the Nanny's cost?

Corygal Wed 09-Jan-13 18:50:35

Greedy people are such a bore. Ignore.

PiccadillyCervix Wed 09-Jan-13 18:53:41

Why did your nanny do it if she felt abused? She realizes she is only employed by you and that employment doesn't extend to the rest of the school yard right? confused.

Tell the woman you don't give out otehr people's numbers and that if she wants someone to work for free she should get a friend

myfirstkitchen Wed 09-Jan-13 18:59:16


Ask her for her food delivery details so you can log in and add your weekly shop too.

aquashiv Wed 09-Jan-13 19:03:24


Sugarice Wed 09-Jan-13 19:08:15

Don't respond to the text yet.

Take the bull by the horns and tell this cheeky cow that your nanny is off limits to other children whilst she's employed by you.

LifeofPo Wed 09-Jan-13 19:11:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnoyingOrange Wed 09-Jan-13 19:11:23

For goodness sake. Text her back and say your nanny is not available to do child are for her

Fakebook Wed 09-Jan-13 19:12:41

Was your nanny paid for her services cash in hand by any chance? If she felt abused why didn't she pipe up and tell her she was employed by you? Hmmm <rubs chin>.

LifeofPo Wed 09-Jan-13 19:12:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomersetONeil Wed 09-Jan-13 19:12:54

How on earth does she think this is OK...?! She's getting free childcare from a professional?

When your nanny says she feels she's being 'abused', that's her telling you she's extremely pissed off that you passed her number onto this woman in the first place, you realise.

I'm guessing it was pitched as a one-off and now brass-neck lady is taking the piss.

Just give her the agency's number and tell her to use them to make her own paid and above-board arrangements.

Baconsarnie Wed 09-Jan-13 19:13:16

What ProudnScary said. Exactly that.

Pendipidy Wed 09-Jan-13 19:14:02

Did she pay when she used her last time? Did your nanny tell you she had asked? Why did you let your employee, in effect , go and work for someone else? Or is she not full time for you?

Sorry, many question cos i can't believe the cheek of it!

minibmw2010 Wed 09-Jan-13 19:19:07

Did you respond ?? I'd just say 'what do you need it for?'. wink

LemonBreeland Wed 09-Jan-13 19:25:37

I would ignore that text. Pretend you never received it. I woud also say to your nanny if she is asked in person that she can say she is not allowed to pick up other children under her terms of work with you.

Bubblegum78 Wed 09-Jan-13 19:28:24

What do you mean you are not sure how to handle it? You are a grown woman <shocked face>

Tell her no!

Just say "No, I'm very sorry but I will not be allowing my nanny to collect your child or provide any care for him/her, I pay a lot of money for my nanny to provide my childcare, not to provide childcare to others for free.

Both my nanny and I were not happy the last time but I let it slide as a one off, here is a number for the nanny agency I used xxxxxxx please do not ask for any more favours

Kindest Regards xxxx

LifeofPo Wed 09-Jan-13 19:38:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sugarice Wed 09-Jan-13 19:42:22

The brass neck of some people never ceases to amaze me! hmm

Any news OP?

justmyview Wed 09-Jan-13 19:58:14

How about "I'm wary of passing on people's phone numbers without their permission, but can pass on a message for you"

DontmindifIdo Wed 09-Jan-13 20:31:03

Well, as it's far after school pick up time, what did you do? Did you ignore it at the time? (Which was the best way to avoid the problem at hte time).

If so, send her a text now saying something like "Hi [cheeky mare], sorry, just seen this! I'll give [nanny] your number in the morning and tell her you were trying to get in touch, I know she charges £x an hour for evening/weekend babysitting if that's what you're after. BTW, just so you know, some people were taking the piss and it was causing insurance issues, so I've told her I don't want her to look after any children except mine during the time I'm paying her, blanket ban seemed easier for her. hope you are all well, [SorryImLateAgain]"

Hopefully gets the message across, explain what happened and what you'd said to the nanny and tell her she can blame you that you won't allow her to look after anyone else's DCs during her paid hours with you, but you're happy for her to babysit outside her work hours with you and she should say at the time what she charges for that. This allows the Nanny to not be the 'bad guy' she can say "sorry, [SorryImlateagain] says I'm not allowed to pick up/look after anyone else's children when I'm in my paid hours with her, you'll have to talk to her about it." Then you will have to say no to your friends.

DontmindifIdo Wed 09-Jan-13 20:41:26

BTW - I reguarly see and get on with one of my friend's nanny. We include her in a lot with the other 'mum friends' because our DCs get on and she's often at the same toddler groups, so for instance, if we are going for a coffee afterwards we'll invite her too, one of our group does see the nanny a lot outside of her work hours and they are now friends. Amongst the friends themselves, I'd think nothing of asking one of them for a favour and I'd do it for them, so it's easy if a nanny becomes to be seen like one of the SAHMs in a group for them tto have boundaries crossed because their role as 'employee' is less clear to an outsider.

DeWe Wed 09-Jan-13 21:19:58

Say you can't give out your nanny's number without her permission. Tell your nanny to, if she asks, say that unfortunately she can't as she's discovered picking up another child causes her insurance to be invalidated.

Maybe it's the Terrible Cunt Mum from that thread last year....

I was just thinking of Terrible Cunt Mum Gail, I loved that thread! 'Twas wonderful. It would fit as well actually...

I think it got deleted in the end didn't it Horace? Shame, it was a doozy!

KoalaTale Wed 09-Jan-13 22:20:23

Yanbu, I'd politely tell her that your nanny is not available. Perhaps say that you haven't had a chance to ask your nanny if she minds you giving her number out, but can you pass on a message? Then if she asks for a favour, say sorry but you're paying your nanny for 121 time with dc so she won't be able to help.

DeafLeopard Wed 09-Jan-13 22:26:25

YY Horace and Gail

It did, I believe she was identified iirc. Always the best ones which are deleted sad.

sorryimlateagain Wed 09-Jan-13 22:35:20

Bubblegum - can see your point. Its awkward cos I'm friendly with her and my DCs are friends and have play dates. So it's treading that fine line. Did tell her straight when happened last year but she is just that sort of person who doesn't understand what shes doing. Nobody minds helping out occasionally but it gets out of hand with her. What p'd me off especially today was the way it was asked for. My nanny is too nice to say no. Last time I told to ignore calls from her. Gonna have to do the same again. Just hate being put in this position but glad to hear INBU!!

When my nanny helps out a friend of mine with some last-minute childcare, she always gets flowers, chocolates or something as a thank you. One time she got a £20 M&S voucher. And these are for one-offs, not a weekly thing at all. The nannies themselves trade play dates and favours of course too.

Your friend is being a cheeky grabby cow.

Knock it on the head for once and all.

lisianthus Thu 10-Jan-13 05:14:40

You know if you giver her your nanny's number, it will look to your nanny as if you are fine with the request- she may even phrase it to look like that i.e. "OP gave me your number so I could find out if you are OK to do X, Y and Z for me". Don't put your nanny in that position- just tell the asker that it isn't OK.

Stinkyminkymoo Thu 10-Jan-13 09:28:48

Hang on, am I missing something?

You employ a nanny so I assume you pay your nanny. This woman then has latched onto your nanny for free child care?

Unbelievable! Tell her to fuck off do one!

DeafLeopard Thu 10-Jan-13 09:30:47

But you wouldn't expect to call a friend at work and get her to come to your work and do your job for you whilst her employer pays her wage, which is essentially what your "friend" is expecting your nanny to do.

LifeofPo Thu 10-Jan-13 09:37:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 09:58:38

Text your 'friend' saying to be clear, you've told your nanny you consider it to be a sackable offence to be looking after other people's children on the time you are paying her without your permission, but obviously if she wants to take on additional paid work outside of her work hours with you that's fine. Tell your nanny you have done this, tell her not to panic, you won't actually fire her if she helps someone out in a crisis, but it's so she has an excuse to say no to this person. If you're not careful, your nanny will have enough of being messed about like this and look for another job working for a family who treat her as a professional - it's in your best interest to stamp on this.

You can tell your free-loading friend that you had to do this because other people were taking the piss and that you had to do somehting because you were paying for a 1-2-1 service for your DCs and not getting it. Try having a bit of a rant about these "freeloaders"...

holidaysarenice Thu 10-Jan-13 15:14:56

I think it needs to be clear to your nanny as well that yes you will bollocks her if she agrees to this! She may complain about the other woman asking but depending on dc's ages it could be making her day easier as children entertain each other!!

sorryimlateagain Thu 10-Jan-13 15:47:42

LifeofPo - no I ignored it completely. Apparently she rang round a load of other Mums/friends asking for the number but luckily any that had her number didn't manage to pass it on, which I'll ask them not to. If she asks for it again I will tell that nanny has new number that she prefers is not passed around as quite a few people keep phoning for favours, which becomes difficult to manage, and I'm respecting that. I travel away quite often so it can be useful for others to have my nanny's number so play dates can be organised etc. It's a shame someone's spoilt that...ahhh, the trials and tribulations of working motherhood...

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 16:03:51

Honestly, you've got to deal with this, rather than hiding. What if she collars your nanny at the school gate and asks directly for her number, or lies to someone else she wants a babysitter for a sunday or somehting and they hand over the nanny's number?

Talk to your friend, say that some people have been taking the piss and you're annoyed at them always wanting to use your nanny for free (don't use the word favour), and that you're paying for 1-2-1 care, so should get it. If you wanted a childminder, you'd use that and save £4 an hour. Smile and say "of course I know you wouldn't take the piss, but i'm putting in a blanket ban on looking after anyone else's children when she's paid just to look after mine, I think it's really unprofessional of her to do it, don't you think? She's being paid to do a job and I'm not getting the service I pay for, I've been quite annoyed at her to be honest, thinking of getting a new nanny if she keeps this up." This then allows your nanny to roll her eyes at your friend and say, "yes, Sorryimlateagain is being really difficult about it, I'd love to help you out but I don't dare."

Be the bad guy, or don't be surprised if your nanny moves on. You need to act like her employer, as well as your nanny acting like your employee.

HecatePropolos Thu 10-Jan-13 16:10:36

you need to be assertive.

"I am paying my nanny to look after my children. She's not a pal doing a favour, she's not communal property. Stop asking her to take care of your children. I resent paying your assumption that it is ok for me to pay for childcare for your children. Which is what I am doing when the person I am paying to take care of my children is taking on your children too."

justmyview Thu 10-Jan-13 16:11:40

I don't think it would help for your friend to hear you criticise your nanny, as *Don't mind if I do" suggests. If I were the nanny, I wouldn't like that

Sugarice Thu 10-Jan-13 16:12:26

Just to be clear, you pay the wages of the Nanny to be in charge and have sole responsibility of just your child, no other children and other families involved?

If that's the case, you do need to deal with this and make it clear to anybody hoping for free last minute childcare that it just isn't on and you're not prepared for your Nanny to be harassed over the phone.

HecatePropolos Thu 10-Jan-13 16:13:23

remove random paying from my post grin

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 16:14:17

Probably Justmyview- perhaps OP if you aren't feeling brave enough to have a go at your friend then do talk to the nanny if she would be happy for you to say something like that. But really, something needs saying to the piss taking friend, if your friends arrange playdates with the nanny for yrou DCs, eventually pissing taker will find someone who'll not realise what piss taker wants the number for and will hand it over. The nanny shouldn't need to be the one to tell your friend it's not on. You should and then she is just doing what her boss wants.

diddl Thu 10-Jan-13 16:14:33

How about you talk to the woman yourself??

Ask her what she wants & say no if appropriate.

Or say you will nanny share if she pays & nanny wants to.

Your poor nanny-how did the woman get hold of her number last time?

diddl Thu 10-Jan-13 16:15:30

She´s also doesn´t sound like a friend tbh-just a user.

giraffesCantGoFirstFooting Thu 10-Jan-13 16:17:28

Say no.

ChuffMuffin Thu 10-Jan-13 16:22:22

I'd reply "I've asked <Nanny>, she says that's fine, it will cost £X". Bet she wouldn't reply after that, cheeky bitch.

showtunesgirl Thu 10-Jan-13 16:24:03

What a cheeky bint!

OP, I do agree with others that you need to knock it on the head properly. At some point, she IS going to get a hold of that number. Best to deal with it now.

I still can't believe that anyone would think that it's ok. Fair enough if she was paying for some one off time but to just expect it is awful.

manicbmc Thu 10-Jan-13 16:28:23

There was a thread a while ago, from a nanny's perspective. She'd been harassed by a parent (not her employer) to take on her kids as a favour and she kept on taking the Michael. So when the nanny said no to this entitled cowbag, the woman spread rumours of her being rude to her.

Luckily, I think her employer backed her up, but it was a nasty situation for the nanny and could have been avoided if the employer had told this woman to leave her nanny alone in the first place.

So I'd be speaking to the woman who thinks she should have free access to your nanny, who you pay, just to make sure there's no room for misunderstandings.

HecatePropolos Thu 10-Jan-13 16:41:33

If you owned a typing company and someone kept coming in and dumping a load of papers on one of your workers desks and saying just type these for me... and asking you for their number so they could get them to type up some stuff on the company pc in work hours, while they were doing the job that they were being paid by you to do...

you'd have to be NUTS to say yes.

so why is this any different?

Your employee. Your responsibility to say no.

Please don't either make the nanny out to be irresponsible or unable to say no to people, or give out her number and make her have to be the one to fight off the piss takers.

Be assertive.

I employ my nanny to care for my children. If you want a nanny for your children - HIRE YOURSELF ONE!!

kerala Thu 10-Jan-13 16:43:09

Shocking. Along the lines of people that sidle up to DH and I for legal advice. Grr we would still get sued if we gave them duff advice for free!

pingu2209 Thu 10-Jan-13 17:12:28

Let me get this straight. You pay a nanny to look after your children. Another mum is asking your paid employee to do work (for free) whilst you are paying her.

Why on earth did your nanny say yes?! Surely your nanny should say no because I am being paid to look after someone else's children and it would mean less care if I have more children.

LadyMargolotta Thu 10-Jan-13 17:16:06

You have to tell her very simply 'my nanny doesn't want to pick up your children'. And give her the number of a nanny agency, as someone suggested.

diddl Thu 10-Jan-13 17:31:51

Perhaps the nanny didn´t now how to say no to her bosses friend?

Or didn´t mind as a one off & then felt that she couldn´t say no after a while?

SomersetONeil Thu 10-Jan-13 17:49:56

You do actually need to deal with this - if you, or anyone else, passes on the number, then it's the nanny who's left to deal with the piss-taker and that's simply not fair.

It's not her fault that you have quaintances with no boundaries and a brass neck. It's not your fault either! But it is up to you to squelch it once and for all.

As I said before, the fact that your nany has told you she feels abused by this woman, means you need to step up to the plate.

LifeofPo Thu 10-Jan-13 17:51:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger Thu 10-Jan-13 18:19:15

what I dont get is this - was the other mum expecting the nanny to take her DC back to YOUR house with your kids?

whatever she thought, we are all agreed she was BVU

Cheeky mare!

Pigsmummy Thu 10-Jan-13 20:33:53

Ignore her if she persists then pretend you have a new phone and don't have her number saved?

Primafacie Thu 10-Jan-13 20:53:19


I have had the same nanny for over three years. As you would imagine, we have a good relationship. She is not my friend, but we can tell each other the truth, I've met most of her relatives and taken her abroad.

I cannot imagine any circumstance where anyone would ever ask me for her phone number.

I can, at a push, imagine our next door neighbours, who are good friends, and who know our nanny, might ask for our nanny's help if they had a medical emergency. However, this has never happened (even though they have had medical emergencies) and I am sure they would tell me their circumstances, and ask for my permission, first.

I know that my nanny has, on rare occasions, looked after other children during the day, for instance when her nanny friends needed to go the gp. As far as I know this is an exceptional occurrence and I have chosen to close my eyes on it as I know these nannies personally and I want them, and our nanny, happy and healthy. My oldest is now big enough that she would be able to tell me if this happened, so I can't imagine my nanny trying to do this behind my back.

All of our friends know we have a nanny. Many of them have met her several times. No one has ever asked for her phone number. I am 100% sure they would never do that without checking with us first.

That mother is a cheeky mare. I think I would either ignore her text, or call and ask what it is about. If she said that she wants our nanny to pick up her kid at school, I would very quietly tell her that I would expect her to check with me first, as I am the employer. And then I would ask her how much she is proposing to offer my nanny for the extra work, so I can advise her whether this is a good opportunity or not.

minibmw2010 Thu 10-Jan-13 21:01:19

Any update ??!??!

JustFabulous Thu 10-Jan-13 21:02:42

" She's being paid to do a job and I'm not getting the service I pay for, I've been quite annoyed at her to be honest, thinking of getting a new nanny if she keeps this up." This then allows your nanny to roll her eyes at your friend and say, "yes, Sorryimlateagain is being really difficult about it, I'd love to help you out but I don't dare."

Please don't do this. It is a stupid idea.

Primafacie Thu 10-Jan-13 21:11:17

I agree with JustFabulous by the way, don't make it sound like you are resentful of your nanny for helping in the past, that is really unfair on her. This sort of behaviour would not be acceptable in any workplace. Your nanny is your employee and you owe her duties not to add, or allow any random bystander to add to her agreed workload, and not to blame her for things that are none of her doing.

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 21:49:27

Actually, yes, I gave crap advise, that would be easier for you to do, but not best.

Tell her you don't want to share your childcare and that's it. Tell your nanny if she feels akward saying no if your friend asks anyway, she can say "sorryImlateagain says I can't" or "I thought sorryImlateagain discussed this with you, I only look after her children during my work hours, so I can't help out" if she finds it hard to say to them "I don't want too". I just assumed if she was feeling 'abused' by your friend but still didn't say no, then she's not the most strong person when faced with a pushy person, allowing her to say no in a way that isn't just her saying no might help IYSWIM. It's often easier to say "I can't" than "I don't want to" when faced with someone who's taking the piss.

But deal with it in a way that's not just ignoring your friend's text messages, because you might find this upsets your nanny enough that she looks for another job.

sorryimlateagain Thu 10-Jan-13 22:29:43

Thanks for all your advice and support. Will see the offender tomorrow and will have the chat. My nanny knows I support her and actually had to say no to someone else texting today offering a lift one morning a week to an 8am start club (which i do) for bringing her DC home from school - I was straight with her - not fair on nanny. It's hard cos we all need a favour at times, it just went too far. Like I said I've passed on the nannys number before so that play dates can be organised, especially in the holidays. With two DDs to organise I can't do it with my job. The vast majority of friends respect my nanny's position. Its just this one person. She does it to everyone including her poor mother. Many of us have had to have the chat at some point. She's actually a lovely person in many respects but lives in her own little fairy world. I've had to call before when the nanny has gone round to pick up my DD from a play date and is still there at nearly 7pm (nanny is supposed to finish at 6.30) - she told me they were having a nice chat...lives in her own world. Anyway looking forward to tomorrow!hmm

JustFabulous Fri 11-Jan-13 09:29:46

I don't see how the nanny would be upset by her boss ignoring someone's text messages.

sorryimlateagain Fri 11-Jan-13 10:13:57

For anyone interested. Spoke to her, said 'missed message cos in a meeting but nanny has requested that I don't give her number out due to the number of calls she got asking for favours. If you need help do give me a call'. She then told me how she was accused of using a nanny last year but the mum didn't know she agreed to help the nanny on another day each week. I was too busy wondering whether she was referring to me (as had to tell her last year nanny was not happy being asked to bring home her DC to our house after school each week) to take opportunity to explain that that the nanny is employed to do a particular job which does not include making arrangements to look after other peoples children! It's not up to the nanny and she should have approached the parent/employer. She also said she had never had the number and it wasnt her - although had never referred to her, just 'some people'. Totally untrue. Not sure who she trying kid and whether she believes herself. Lovely girl just on another planet sometimes! Anyway it's done now brew. Looking forward to the weekend wine

MammaTJ Fri 11-Jan-13 10:14:00

Let us know how the chat goes please.

manicbmc Fri 11-Jan-13 10:29:12

Glad you had that chat so it's all clear and your nanny doesn't feel put upon or awkward.

DontmindifIdo Fri 11-Jan-13 10:41:01

JustFabulous - because the nanny still has to see the cheekywoman at the school gate daily, if the OP had just ignored it and not dealt with it would still push it back to the nanny to sort out, which could easily have pissed off the nanny.

OP - sounds like a good result. You can keep repeating to your friend that while you are sure she wouldn't take the piss (!), there were enough "one off" requests from enough different people that it wasn't acceptable for you or your nanny so you've agreed with the nanny she should say no to all "one off" requests to avoid problems, but of course, if you aren't working and she needs a favour, that would be completely different...

diddl Fri 11-Jan-13 12:59:44

Cynic in me says she´s not a lovely girl on another planet-I mean really??-no wonder people get sucked in to doing stuff for her if she can get hem to think that-she´s a piss taker now trying to cover her arse.

LifeofPo Fri 11-Jan-13 15:11:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crinkle77 Fri 11-Jan-13 15:17:09

Surely the nanny would not be insured if anything went wrong while this other child was in her care?

Jux Fri 11-Jan-13 17:30:16

Yeah, she's a piss taker covering her arse. Probably lovely in other ways, but has found it works in her favour to appear to be in another world.

You will have to tell her the rest of it at some point though.

Apparently, last year she came to a private arrangement which affected working conditions with a nanny employed by someone else, without the employer even knowing? That is even more shocking behaviour!

Nip any ideas she may have aout that in the bud. Gird your loins, and approach her. You could be curious about what she said about last year, and when she tells you again, be utterly shocked and point out the nanny is someone else's employee being dishonest and you'd sack your nanny if she were to behave so unprofessionally - then tell your nanny what you've said, just to let her know that you've made it very clear to your friend that it's a no-no.

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