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To think life will get harder with boys

(63 Posts)
notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 21:42:42

I have 5. I feel like the odd one out. They are currently playing monopoly with their dad. I asked that they were in bed by 9 in prep for the school run next week. If I say anything now it will look like I'm spoiling their fun. I feel like the older they get the more I'll get left out. I do alot with them & appreciate they're dad being so hands on but I can't help feeling increasingly left out.

Blue81 Sat 05-Jan-13 22:01:18

A lil bit unreasonable I think. I think boys are really loving towards their mums and being a lone parent I would be happy if my boys dads took a bigger role in their lives.

However I do feel your frustration at wanting them in bed and their dad ignoring this.

I don't think you need to worry, they will always want their mum smile

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:04:41

Thanks blue. I hope so. I get alot of comments about my boys not needing me anymore when they are teenagers & I will feel not having a girl, mostly from strangers in the street!sad

FriendlyLadybird Sat 05-Jan-13 22:06:03

Why were you the only one not playing Monopoly? It's not a gender-specific game.

It sounds to me as if you need to have some words with your partner (husband?) about being a parent and not one of the boys. He should have been able to bring the game to a close at 9 if that's what you had agreed.

destinationanywhere Sat 05-Jan-13 22:07:07

I have 4 boys and feel this too.

Booyhoo Sat 05-Jan-13 22:07:25

erm, what is preventing you from playing the game with them? and also, if bedtime is to be at 9 then your DH needs to reinforce that and end the game at quarter too and get them all ready to go up. your problem isn't that you have boys, it's that your partner isn't parenting with you!

sparklyjumper Sat 05-Jan-13 22:08:54

I have a boy and don't feel like that, infact I think you're really lucky to have all your sons. If I could I'd love a house full of boys.

And go join in monopoly.

OutInAllWeathers Sat 05-Jan-13 22:11:19

YABU, life with children has ups and downs regardless of gender. I have all boys too but have learnt to ignore comments from others and focus on my own family.

I have a DD and twin sons and don't feel that at all.

idobelieveinfairies Sat 05-Jan-13 22:12:04

I am the opposite, I have 6 boys and have more in common with them than my daughters! As teenagers I find the boys appreciate what I do for them and are more respectful to me. I find boys are easier.

MrsKeithRichards Sat 05-Jan-13 22:12:33

I know how you feel. I sometimes feel left out when ds and dh are totally engrossed in transformers or fishing or bombing about off road but he still snuggles to me for stories and we bake cakes.

You will have special things you do with your boys, they will always need you.

3monkeys3 Sat 05-Jan-13 22:12:50

I have 2 boys and a girl. YAB a bit U - you need to have the best bash you can at hanging out with them. My dd is a bit of a tomboy (apart from the clothes) and I just get on with it and do whatever they want - I'd rather do things out of my own comfort zone and be with my children than stick within it and not be with them.

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:13:01

Yes I think that is a major issue as well. I think he fails to reinforce what I've said & does think he's reliving his youth a bit. I'm cringing already thinking about him being the trendy dad trying to keep up with his sons!

sparklyjumper Sat 05-Jan-13 22:14:24

Just saying, but I know you said bedtime is 9, but if they haven't finished monopoly, you can't just leave the game unfinished.

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:14:37

I didn't want to join in as I told them we would play when we had more time tmw. I had already told them that they needed to go to bed but I have been in bed with flu so wasn't there to supervise bed time.

I have 4 boys and a girl, and in the "long dark teatime of the soul" wee small hours, I sometimes think that, although DD is wonderful, she is "more work" than all four of the boys put together iykwim. I worry more about her, and have many more "what ifs" than I do about the boys, possibly because I was a teenage girl once and got away with all sorts that horrify me now, when I think about her doing them confused
I always wanted seven sons, from being a child, I set my heart on them blush but it wasn't to be. When DD was born the midwife (who I daresay meant well) said "ahh a girl - every woman should have a daughter and now you have yours" and I just looked blankly at her and said "why?" and she didn't answer...
DD is in the middle, 2 older and 2 younger brothers, and I do like that, so I don't get all the "ooo you kept going to get a girl" type remarks.
And they will always need you - no matter what gender they are, you're their mam, and nothing can ever change that.
People will comment on something no matter what gender/how many DCs you have, or if you have none at all, it's human nosy nature to pass comment on people over random things like that confused
I get stick for having five - my stock reply is "well once we found out what was causing them we stopped doing it and haven't had any since"

YANBU. We have four. I feel your pain. Not all the time but sometimes. I just spent an hour MNing whilst they watched an action adventure with much CGI - what ever that is.

I'm lucky my youngest is only 2 but the oldest three! Oh. My. Word. Luckily DH can see it is hard to be out numbered and pokes them to move towards something that's interesting to me.

I think it will get better though as they get older and girls and their interests are worth an explore plus their interests gets less polarised. I await a girlfriend at our table grin

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:18:59

I know sparkly, monopoly takes hours which is why I said we'd play it tmw! They are very good at persuading him, especially when I'm not around.
We do alot together & have alot of fun. I just feel the lack of females in the house sometimes. Everyone says its different when you have both.

DeWe Sat 05-Jan-13 22:20:54

Would they like hot chocolate before bed?
If that was happeneing here, I'd go in and ask who wanted it, then say I'd make it, then the game finishes, they drink it and go up to bed. They think hot chocolate is enough of a treat to do that without moaning.

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:24:09

Ha Pom, that is true. I was a nightmare teen & often wonder how I'd cope with a girl like me!

DeWe Sat 05-Jan-13 22:24:20

And you can cash up monopoly. That's what we've been doing. Set a time limit, and cash up at that point. Ds is only 5yo and doesn't have the sticking power for more than 90 minutes on it. The others would play on a bit but I think at present the death match method would go on too long for all except my eldest who would like it to as long as she won

Would suggest looking at your post at 2213, I don't feel outnumbered as a female often because we as adults are also outnumbered. Can you talk to DH to become a more united front? My DH keeps me sane until first girlfriend turns up

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:26:43

I was like that about the hobbit tea makes. Dh took them as I could think of nothing worse. I do sit through other films though but any hint if romance & it's 'eurgh, a chick flick!'

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:28:22

Good idea dewe. I bought monopoly millionaires because the reviews said it was quicker & harder to cheat. Obviously not!

Anniegetyourgun Sat 05-Jan-13 22:31:00

Your problem is not that you have 5 boys but that you have 6.

I had to stop at 4, myself, for time and resource reasons, but they're all lovely. Fortunately their dad isn't around to undermine me any more.

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:31:23

Very true tea. I think dh does more for an easy life whilst I'd rather think ahead to how they'll be tmw. It's funny as our childhoods were opposite. His parents were very strict & mine were slack so we seem to have adopted the opposite parenting styles!

I have also avoided said hobbit and will go and watch Les Mis by myself. Unless you fancy coming too? grin

Just imagine ... one day they will need to be able to talk about and watch said chick flick as a young lady will demand it. I will laugh and then want to discuss the film versus the book

whiteandyelloworchid Sat 05-Jan-13 22:32:25

a, you could be playing too
b, your dh needs to back you upwhen you say its bedtime, he needs a bollocking ! lol
c, girls are just as loving as boys

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:34:34

Alot of people say that Anniesmile
Dh works long & odd hours so isn't usually around at key times to undermine me. The problem is usually when he takes over. Normally he's around when I'm not & vice versa with a bit of a cross over ifyswim.

I have 4 boys and I understand what you are feeling (I've always said, any future pet will need to be a girl, even if it is a goldfish!), but don't really feel it myself.

Reading between the lines, I get the impression this is more about how you feel treated by your DH than your boys, non? Apologies if I've got that wrong.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Sat 05-Jan-13 22:35:58

One tipabout the monopoly.
When I was a kid, we had a running game with a friend.
When it was home time, we write down what everyone had in terms of money, property and buildings, whose turn it was and what squares we we're on.
Then pack the game away.

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:37:25

Haha tea. They are also very good at shopping & holding bags. I keep telling them they'll thank me when they're older. They are lovely boys but so full of energy! They wear me out!

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:42:24

Good idea nickel. Will try that. Will hopefully save some arguments.

Indeed - I never let a man carry my bag until I had sons grin

and I'm more than a little jealous that you have five boys. I'd love another. They are amazing those brothers that come in a herd. A special gaggle of testosterone that love films I just don't get.

<goes off to look at them all sweaty sleeping>

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:46:21

You are right pacific hence the nickname. That's why I didn't want to interrupt the game. Dh's mum was a nagger not a talker. Every time I open my mouth he automatically thinks I'm starting. Luckily I'm managing to teach my boys that that is not always the case. smile

WifeofPie Sat 05-Jan-13 22:48:09

Aww...I wouldn't worry about it too much, OP. I think it's normal to feel like that (DH has taken my two boys to play ice hockey...which I loathe...and they've been gone for ages) but I console myself with the knowledge that I'm recharging my batteries for when they return because they are ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTING. Then I'll be refreshed for dealing with bedtime shenanigans and reading stories (with voices...my specialty wink ).

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:50:07

Haha tea. It is funny. I've always been very independent, tomboyish. Most of my friends were male but now I'm so into pink its ridiculous. I even asked dh if we could get a flowery duvet the other day. He says I need a very girly room that I can sit in from time to time to let it all out.grin

WifeofPie Sat 05-Jan-13 22:52:22

My DSs are sweaty sleepers too and their rooms smell like hamster cages...Dd, not so much grin.

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:53:27

Tell me about it wife of pie. Just looking at them wears me out. I sent ds2&3 to the post box 2 mins away today. They were gone so long & I was frantic. They'd walked to the post office half an hour away because it was more of a challengehmm

grin

I have a dream for a girl shed. It will have roses, pretty curtains and lovely pale blue chairs. I will be able to read and gossip with friends in it. I will invite my boys in when I wish them to be there one at a time and I will make them serve tea from a pot. My DH wants an invite to said dream girl shed.

I am a tomboy, wear trousers, work in a male dominated industry, play a rough sport and swear like a sweary man on a construction site. I brought my first heels when my first son was born and they just keep getting higher. It's just a reaction to my environment which i love. Perhaps a support group is required?

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug Sat 05-Jan-13 23:00:09

I've got 5 boys and I've never really felt that way but I understand why you do, especially if your DH is undermining you.

I've always been quite tomboyish too so am quite happy rambling round fields or playing computer games. Luckily none of mine are into sports do I don't have to stand around in crap weather pretending I'm enjoying myself!

My teenager quite likes going shopping with me still, as long as we fit in a trip to the game shop! I'm also getting them into carrying all my shopping for me too.

YANBU. I felt the same on holiday this year. We went abroad for the first time this year and the boys spent most of their time in the pool or sea playing sharks and diving and splashing etc. DH loves all that and i'm not really a swimmer so it was mainly just the 3 of them most of the time while I paddled about now and again feeling a bit left out. The other 3 like water parks too so I had to go to one of those which I didn't enjoy. It was the first time we've ever gone on a holiday without extended family too so I really missed having another female around to chat with.

Even in the evenings, DH and the DS's were messing around on the iPad playing geeky games and didn't show much interest in my suggestions of card games etc. I don't know, I suppose I could have felt the same if one of them had been a girl but I just felt for the first time that I was not a part of the "boys' club".

So I know how you feel, notnagging. I know my boys still need me but the things that they are becoming more interested in as they get older eg martial arts and swimming and guitar are exactly what DH loves so of course they think he is loads more fun than I am with my books and piano and non-sporty interests!

sigh

Hehehe. Now laughing at postbox challenge.

And hamster cage is the smell I've been trying to identify!

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:10:58

grinMost definitely tea. I think it's my subconscious. I did have my own space but gave it up for ds1. Dh & I have spoken about separate bedrooms. I wish. Mine would be so pink, fluffy & flowery. My make up bag is growing as well as my shoe collection. I would never imagine saying that 10 years agosmile

I guess it depends on how old they are too. I actually work in a boys' schools and absolutely love working with teenage boys - I could never imagine working with girls! So it's quite ironic that I feel left out at home!!! But mine are still junior age - I reckon when they are teenagers they will be clashing with their dad more and coming to me again for advice about girls etc whereas now they just hero worship dh!! I am waiting for the teenage years when they will be mine again ha ha!

MrsKeithRichards Sat 05-Jan-13 23:15:38

I didn't think I was a girly person until I had two boys!I bought myself a pink hetty to replace the boy henry just to balance things up.

MrsKeithRichards Sat 05-Jan-13 23:17:37

Although she couldn't hoover up the slimy snail trails on my hall walls after ds's new pets escaped out his coat pocket. Useless moo.

<realises her Henry is broken and decides Hetty is on her list>

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:18:45

grinYou Lot have really made me laugh, thank you. I do try & pretend sometimes but I get found out so quickly. I sit through 2hrs of kickboxing when I have 2 but cannot understand why ds1 insists on going to rugby every Saturday at 8shock
I got wii Zumba for Christmas & I could see them all laughing through the door. Far too girly

Oh maybe not - I have had snail and slug issues, in the house, a number of times with DS4 (2). Last year i suffered slug foot a number of times when I got up at 6am to put on heating and make bottle/tea. Horrid!

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Sat 05-Jan-13 23:23:26

people are bonkers, do some people really think having a teenage girl = loads of mummy-daughter shopping trips and double manicures??? WTF I couldn't bear my mother from about 12yrs to about 24yrs! I actually couldn't bear to even breath the same air as her! Menapause + female teenager hormones does not make for girly chats and bonding!!! Got on much better with my dad as a teenager!

minouminou Sat 05-Jan-13 23:29:07

I've got a somewhat - ahem - gender-fluid boy and a pissy pink girly girl.
The thought of schlepping around girly shops with either of them gives me the shits!
Just join in the Monopoly and stop genderising it! Make it a logistical, logical forward planning thing. "Right, guys, up early tomorrow, let's wrap this up in ten......"

MrsKeithRichards Sat 05-Jan-13 23:29:10

Do get a hetty, I say good morning to her and she doesn't scratch her arse or grunt something about cheerios before turning the news over to power Ben thunder turtles.

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:32:50

Ilovesalad I never did that with my mum either. We did not get on still don't but I do miss having another female in the house. I probably would hate doing all of that in reality!

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:40:15

I think I'm getting a bit ott on pink mrskeith. Dh bought me a big pink fluffy dressing gown for Christmas which I love. He commented that I would've put that in the bin a few years agosmile

ILikeWhisperingToo Sat 05-Jan-13 23:41:51

So will you AND your husband be following through on the early morning tomorrow?

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:46:29

Yes he is always up early in the mornings & luckily does most of the school runs. They will definitely be going to bed early tmw as he is going out tmw night!

destinationanywhere Sun 06-Jan-13 14:04:14

I think the problem is that the DH just likes the stuff the boys do.

They all enjoy getting wet and muddy and running around. DH finds making a train track to run around the house or a massive lego city a challenge.

They like the same films, for example raiders of the lost arc. He enjoys playing on the PS with them, something which I have never had any desire to do.

I hate all of the above. I can imagine I might have enjoyed playing with dolls more. I am the odd one out. Don't get me wrong we do a lot of family things and are close but thats just how it goes.

I know a lovely lady with 2 adult sons who said the teenage years when they and her husband really bonded over football were very lonely.

I actually did do a lot with my mum as a teenager. I enjoyed her company and going for lunch and coffee.

I now have a lovely pink bedroom though!

Chopstheduck Sun 06-Jan-13 14:12:35

I do agree with pom bear that girls can be a lot harder! I have one girl and three boys. The girl is the one that causes the most stress.

You can see other women for the girly things. I find that whatever i do with the kids is determined by their interests anyway, and I'm better finding friends to do the actual things I want to do with.

I think it's sometimes better too, jsut to have individual 1:1 times with the kids and really bond with them that way, especially with a larger family. I go to rugby matches with my oldest son, we've both really got into that and support a team. I've done a foodie weekend away with my daughter, and we cook together a lot. My youngest son loves music, and I help him practice his violin, and take him to concerts. His twin loves cycling, and we do a yearly 10 mile bike ride together, and cycle to the supermarket at weekends when we need shopping.

I don't feel left out with the boys at all, because I don't really see any of their interests being totally gender specific. I can't stand football, but they can do that with their dad, and I take them to football training sessions in the holidays and bugger off for a coffee in peace. But I do ohter stuff with them, so def not left out.

notnagging Sun 06-Jan-13 19:06:09

I do make sure we have alot of 1:1 time. It is important in a big family especially with twins. We have a house big enough for them to have their own space as well which makes a big difference. I'm still trying to persuade my dh to convert to pink for the bedroomsmile
But we did all play monopoly as promised todaysmile

I've been thinking about you today, notnagging.

My DH can have the same tendency to let things slide/do stuff for an easy life which leaves me being 'bad cop' which I at times resent. And yes, sometimes I do feel I have 5 boys rather than the 4 child-sized ones grin.

However, I don't usually feel left out - I actually enjoy being left alone when, for once, they are all doing something testosterony IYKWIM.
I did not despise my mother as such when younger, just had little in common with her; we are v different personalities. I am/was much more similar to my dad, so got on better with him, even when we were fighting over what times I had to be home at.

And I still despise pink - not so much as a colour, there are nice pinks, but for its inexcapability and meh-ness wink. Shoes however is another matter... but then again I obsessed about them even before I ever had children.

Well done, for playing Monopoly together today. Hope you won!

notnagging Sun 06-Jan-13 21:30:04

Thank you very much Pacific. I do love my peace & quiet sometimes. Motherhood is challenging regardless isn't it? smile

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