Dh furious with me

(43 Posts)
1991all Sat 05-Jan-13 21:24:12

because I haven't booked flights for a holiday we are going on in 6 months time.

And because he asked me to deal with something with a friend of his and his friend kept emailing/calling him for confirmation, even though I did give him all the details
And he was too busy yesterday
And I only have DS to look after, and he works

Oh, and because some show he wanted to watch is in subtitles

He has thrown a bottle of water on the floor and has splattered pasta sauce on the lampshades, which isn't going to come off

GreatBallsofFluff Sat 05-Jan-13 21:25:54


pictish Sat 05-Jan-13 21:27:29

Is this sort of temper display a regular thing?

1991all Sat 05-Jan-13 21:30:26

Yes Fluff, I would like to

Pictish- it's like a cycle, we work on it, he shows signs of improvement then gets all stressy and kicks off

Joint relationship counselling,
Cbt for him, anti-depressants for both of us

oldqueenie Sat 05-Jan-13 21:31:18

How old is he? hmm
Does he usually have temper tantrums and throw his food around??

WhySoSirius Sat 05-Jan-13 21:31:49

Sounds like an arsehole to me, sorry OP.

1991all Sat 05-Jan-13 21:32:53

This time last week I was the best thing since sliced bread, and he couldn't do it without me, blah blah

V important piece of info, he ran out of clean underwear this week after me being away. Hanging offence obviously
He had clean underwear he just hadn't unpacked his fucking bag

1991all Sat 05-Jan-13 21:33:52

He's in his 40s

BluelightsAndSirens Sat 05-Jan-13 21:34:02

He needs to realise you are his partner not his personal assistant and respect that.

I will run dry cleaning and help out when DH is stressed with pressure at work but only because he shows appreciation and does the same for me when needed.

You really don't have to put up with food being thrown abut, is he a toddler?

pictish Sat 05-Jan-13 21:34:26

Are you joshing?

He can wash his own fucking underwear.

Shakey1500 Sat 05-Jan-13 21:34:42

Not something I would put up with I'm afraid.

I'd be outta there. Sounds like a 7 year old.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 21:40:37

You're expected to fall in with when he chooses to blow hot or cold, keep you on your toes guessing what it's going to be today.

If ever there was a case of a man being controlling, this is it.

I grew up in a similar household and the one I've got myself now is so much more predictable and on an even keel. It's horrible treading on eggshells all the time.

I don't believe people are like this because it's the way they were made, it's well within his control not to let explosive acts of temper affect the rest of his family.

What's the pattern of the cycle? Have you set anything up for CBT etc, or is that just what you would like to happen?

MrsDeVere Sat 05-Jan-13 21:42:56

He is in his 40s.
He is not going to change.

AbigailAdams Sat 05-Jan-13 21:47:10

1991all you have sussed what you need to do. I am presuming you have just posted to get moral support from others. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who thinks it is your duty to wash his underpants?

EuroShagmore Sat 05-Jan-13 22:07:56

What a nob. I wouldn't be with someone like that.

DPotter Sat 05-Jan-13 22:18:22

Excuse me - I'm not usually this confrontational - but you're taking anti-depressants for HIS anger issues ? That's not right on so many levels.

Time for a re-think about being the doormat 1991all. Today it's the pasta sauce on the lampshade, tomorrow the bowl will be aimed at you. It's good you have recognised you would like to leave - now you need to do something about it.

ilovesooty Sat 05-Jan-13 22:19:59

I'm wondering why you're involved in joint relationship counselling when your husband is abusive.

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 22:20:10

Joint relationship counselling is not recommended for where there is evident abuse in a relationship

this thread being case in point

dump the fucker

PleasePudding Sat 05-Jan-13 22:20:33

If he hasn't cooled off after an hour and apologised profusely then he's a dickhead and you need to leave.

Did he acknowledge that he was being awful about the pants?

Leave the water and pasta sauce where they are, and then leave him. Do you have children with this man-child?
You can do without pandering and tiptoeing around your own home, needing antidepressants! because of his behaviour - he is forty ffs, he's a grown up and needs to start acting like one confused

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 22:22:43

I don't mind washing undies, and I wouldn't mind DH asking if I knew where any were if he didn't have any.

But I would mind him creating about it.

It'd make me wonder what he was really getting irate at, because not having any clean shreddies is only a minor irritation, not in the slightest something that should cause an argument on it's own.

It's someone looking for conflict, and I wouldn't be happy being an outlet for someone else to get off on whenever the mood took them.

EllenParsons Sat 05-Jan-13 22:24:26

He really sounds horrible OP sad

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Sat 05-Jan-13 22:26:05

I don't care if he cools off and begs forgiveness - you need to leave this controlling twat. What a nasty shit he is. What's stopping you?

"Excuse me - I'm not usually this confrontational - but you're taking anti-depressants for HIS anger issues ? That's not right on so many levels."
Absolutely spot on. sad

BagCat Sat 05-Jan-13 22:52:10

He is being unreasonable. And he ain't gonna change.

Dawndonna Sat 05-Jan-13 23:14:18

time to go.

manicbmc Sat 05-Jan-13 23:32:41

He needs to handle his own friends.

He needs to wash his pants if you are away - does he expect you to rush home to do it?

He needs to clear up his messy strop aftermath.

He needs to realise you are a person, and his wife, and the mother of his child and you deserve every bit as much respect as you give him.

flow4 Sat 05-Jan-13 23:54:18

My DS(17) did this a few times last year, 1991. If you were to look over in Teenagers, you'd see that quite a lot of teens aged about 13-17 do it. The standard advice is that if you are hurt, or threatened, or feel afraid, call 999... You need to draw a very clear line and show him that you will not tolerate violence and abuse - because that is what throwing things around in rage is. You can't control him, so if he can't control himself, you need to call for help.

But really, it's pretty grim to think that your husband is behaving just like a hormonal teenager, isn't it? sad

ImperialBlether Sat 05-Jan-13 23:57:09

If you are on ADs because of your marriage, it's time to get out.

sashh Sun 06-Jan-13 08:14:50

The cycle is part of the abuse, if keeps you off kilter, he is nice just long enough for you to stay.


LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas Sun 06-Jan-13 08:16:19

Read the 'would you eat this' thread

Chandon Sun 06-Jan-13 08:26:33

Shakey, saying it sounds like a 7 year old is an insult to 7 year olds! Even. 3 year old would not behave like that

1991all Sun 06-Jan-13 08:32:57

Thanks for the support
My phone died last night and I didn't want to come downstairs, where he was, to get the charger

I've had it
He can't keep his temper under control
He is selfish, arrogant, and so controlling

We have one DS.

1991all Sun 06-Jan-13 08:34:20

What's the 'would you eat this' thread

ErikNorseman Sun 06-Jan-13 08:58:38

What are you going to do?

1991all Sun 06-Jan-13 09:05:35

I know how it's going to play
I'm going to ask him to leave, He's going to say we can't afford it
He has nowhere to go, neither do DS and I
He can afford it, if he organises his money better

I need a good solicitor
Any recommendations?
I've seen 2 before, but they weren't inspiring.
I'm in SW London

MumVsKids Sun 06-Jan-13 11:38:10

Do you own or rent the house?

Are you both on the mortgage/tenancy agreement?

Women's Aid? If you seriously want him gone, there are people who will help.

1991all Sun 06-Jan-13 14:04:12

Own-both on the mortgage

I think I have a solution, but I have to think it through
He's being a c*nt now
First thing he did was threaten to transfer all the money

TalkativeJim Sun 06-Jan-13 14:47:16

Then you transfer it first.

If you don't have access to it, tell him you will leave immediately if he doesn't give you access to it. Then transfer it, write 'THANKS FOR NOTHING, CAPTAIN CRAPFACE' on a pair of his dirty pants, lay them out on the bed and leave.

I'm in a BAD mood today.

But if I were you OP I'd be in a worse one. I hope you manage to ditch this tosser.

1991all Sun 06-Jan-13 16:29:23

He will back down from the financial blackmail
Next will come the 'woe is me' act, already got that one lined up

I've just read that thread. It's exactly the type of thing dh would kick off about
And if Blue can get rid of him at 36 weeks, I'm sure I can figure this out. She's amazing!

1991all Sun 06-Jan-13 17:00:13

And another thing he's pissed off about is that the bank manager called him to tell him the account was overdrawn.
He's furious that I didn't speak to the manager and tell him not to call dh because he's too busy
They did call me, I transferred money, end of issue, but no, I should have told the manager never to call dh because he's far too important.

It's a joint account

HappyNewHissy Sun 06-Jan-13 17:04:33


This man is abusive. Tell them so. You need individual therapy NOW, and yes, definitely LTB.

Grapesoda Sun 06-Jan-13 17:11:50

This must be awful for you.
When it's safe to do so (maybe when he's gone to work) contact women's aid. They will give you emotional support support nd practical ad legal advice.
Thinking of you.

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