About my newborn's name?

(183 Posts)

Having a hormonal morning. Finally decided on our baby's name after much deliberation yesterday and told a few friends who all said it was lovely.

My mother calls this morning and I tell her we have decided on Oliver James L.M (surname) to which she replied 'OH NO!!' Like I've told her I'm calling him Crap Bag or something hmm this really upset me as I feel like I could never call him this now as I know she hates it.

So now DP has declared he doesn't like Oliver either and was 'going along with it for me' sad I really thought we both liked it as he has always expressed this.

Now I feel so confused, I really liked it and think it really suits him but now it's completely tainted and DP is looking up names like Ivander and Cassius confused. I guess I'm upset because the baby has his surname and now he's going to choose the first name when I'm the one who carried him and pushed him out and will no doubt be doing the majority of caring as I'm ebf and he's back to ft work next week,

Sorry just needed to rant, feel so upset.

I'm just upset everyone has felt so entitled to name our baby and tell us what to call him, this includes both our families.

nokidshere Sat 05-Jan-13 11:48:51

YABU to let other peoples views spoil the name you have chosen. If you like it then thats all that matters.

ChuffMuffin Sat 05-Jan-13 11:49:01

There is absolutely nothing wrong with Oliver James. Don't let your mother or your DP make you feel bad for liking a name.

I take it from the names he's suggested he's a fan of boxing? wink

Theicingontop Sat 05-Jan-13 11:49:56

Oliver's a lovely name, there's nothing wrong with it. Sounds like your DP has just had a last-minute change of heart and is being silly about it Cassius, really? and most likely, he will regret it.

Your mother may not like the name, but that's of no consequence. I'll bet she didn't mean to be so honest.

Are you calling him Oliver in your head yet? Do you look at him and think, 'my oliver'? It's hard to change your mind when it's made up like that. Tell your DP how you feel, how you feel really sad that he suddenly doesn't like the name you chose together, and how you'd very much like to have a part in what you both name your son. And ignore your mother.

Curtsey Sat 05-Jan-13 11:51:05

Oh no! How upsetting for you. No idea what to say, I'd feel so gutted too and your mum was a bit rude wasn't she?! I think the name you picked sounded very nice and strong (don't like your DP's choices though) but appreciate that tastes differ so much with names.

Do you feel up to digging your heels in or is it ruined now? A week in and it'll feel like that's always been his name...

BigShinyBaubles Sat 05-Jan-13 11:51:24

Its entirely up to you and your dp what you name your baby.
Tell your family members that you apprechiate their suggestions but it's not their decision.

BigShinyBaubles Sat 05-Jan-13 11:52:32

Oh and Oliver James is lovely.

simplesusan Sat 05-Jan-13 11:53:45

There is nothing wrong with Oliver.
Stick to your guns. Tell your partner that the baby has his surname so you will choose his first name.

Yes she was really rude and I told her she's had three children, this is mine to name. Now DP is talking about names with meanings rather than just looking at the name, whatever that bloody means. Everyone just keeps saying Oliver is so common but I've only known one my whole life and I've worked in schools and nurseries for years. Oh well.

CatsRule Sat 05-Jan-13 11:55:17

Your opinion and your dp's opinion on your babys name are the only opinions that matter.

We all have dh's surname, we both picked ds's first name and his middle name is my dads. Dh said then ds has something of me and him plus is own first name.

If you're happy with the name you picked don't let your mum or other family have an input. And don't let your dp coerce you into picking a name you are unsure of either. It shoulf be a joint decision.

fedupofnamechanging Sat 05-Jan-13 11:56:29

I think you and dp should pick a name that you both love. That said, when it came down to it, I had final say with my babies (although I wouldn't have insisted on names that dh actively disliked). If you would prefer that the dc had your last name, but are giving in on that in order to make your dp happy, then the first name should be primarily your choice as that seems fair.

I would advise against giving a baby your partner's name unless you are married. If you get married later, then it's easy to change (I did this when I married dh and our son was 2), but if you did split up then you might regret it.

As for your mum, take no notice. My mum hasn't liked all my choices of names, but in the end they were my babies and she had the chance to name her own! The names I chose grew on her in the end, so I think your mum will come around.

I quite like Cassius but Ivander is bloody ugly imo and for that reason alone I would rule dp out as incompetent in the name choosing business.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Sat 05-Jan-13 11:58:35

Why don't you and your dp pick three names you each like and put them in a hat and get someone to pick it out?
Dh named our youngest. I don't love it so nicknamed her instead (I was quite ill after the birth and for some weeks after so dh registered her and picked her name).

mrscog Sat 05-Jan-13 12:00:15

You and your DP should come to an honest choice together that you both like , but tell your families to fuck off! It's got nothing to do with them!

HollyBerryBush Sat 05-Jan-13 12:02:32

Just my opinion - nothing wrong with Oliver or James - but you need to find something you both agree on.

Personally I don't like anything that deviates from sturdy traditional names, so Ivander would be straight out the window I'm afraid! Mind you Cassius was good enough for Helen Windsor to use, don't like it though, sounds like a name you would hear someone yelling at a dog in the park.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Sat 05-Jan-13 12:03:12

Oliver is a very popular name where I live,as well as Jack,Emily and Sophie.
There is an Olivander in dc2 class in school,could that be a comprimise.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 05-Jan-13 12:03:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 05-Jan-13 12:05:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babyroobs Sat 05-Jan-13 12:09:09

I think Oliver James is a lovely name . I wouldn't take any notice of what your mum thinks. When we named our dd, my mil expressed a strong dislike of the name , but we didn't allow her opinion to change our minds.

MsNobodyAgain Sat 05-Jan-13 12:09:42

Ignore it. Call our baby what you want. My Mum was upset when I named DS2 as Frank. " You can't call him that, he'll get teased". I stuck to my guns and his name suits him. Got with your gut.

MsNobodyAgain Sat 05-Jan-13 12:11:46

your not our blush

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 05-Jan-13 12:12:28

There is nothing wrong with Oliver! Not sure what problem could be found with James either.

Is your DP a boxing fan? Cassius was Muhammed Ali's given name at birth and Ivander (Evander?) Holyfield was also a boxer.

You need to have a proper talk with your DP. Your MIL is being mean.

Clary Sat 05-Jan-13 12:14:22

I do think you nd DP need to agree on a name. Your mother is a total red herring, mine has never liked any of my kids' names (she says they are dated!).

If the name you love is Oliver then talk to him about it; if he is dead set against it then I think you need to find another name you can agree on.

Oliver and James are both very popular, but that's because they are nice names! How about Matthew, Daniel, Charlie, Joseph, Harry, George?

WinkyWinkola Sat 05-Jan-13 12:14:33

Oliver James is a great name. Don't let your bloody mother decide your baby's name. Ignore her.

Only drawback is isn't Oliver James the name of a famous psych?

Someone I worked with said DD's name was a "chav" name.... And when we told my Mum she repeated it after me in an appalled tone lol!

It's definitely not "chavvy", it's a traditional name but not hugely popular, how that makes a "chav" name I'll never know.

Mum got over it.

Either way what they thought didn't matter at all.

The only people who have to be happy with your name choice is you and DH. Everyone else can poke it.

Viviennemary Sat 05-Jan-13 12:16:30

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the name Oliver. But I think you should take your DP's preferences into consideration. It would be better if you could find a name you both like.

Viviennemary Sat 05-Jan-13 12:17:05

Not Ivander please!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 05-Jan-13 12:17:13

oops. Your *mum is being mean.

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Jan-13 12:19:53

Well Oliver is much nicer than Ivander or Cassius.

Why doesn't he go the whole hog and name him Tyson? confused grin

besmirchedandbewildered Sat 05-Jan-13 12:22:21

Whatever you decide to do next re the name, please don't tell your mum. Just say you're still thinking about it. Once your LO is born and she is presented with a gorgeous DGC she won't care if you call him Champion the Wonder Horse.
Oliver James is a lovely name. Ivander not so much IMO

MrsLyman Sat 05-Jan-13 12:22:22

Well Oliver means peace (unfortunately not accompanied by quiet) so if your DH is looking for names with meaning that is a pretty good one.

besmirchedandbewildered Sat 05-Jan-13 12:25:06

Sorry just reread OP, well that is just really rude of her. Really, really rude.
Sorry that's not v helpful. I think you need to find a name you and DP like though. And get LO registered asap before any more mind-changing!

CaptChaos Sat 05-Jan-13 12:25:20

Oliver is a lovely name. Ivander or Cassius are also ok, but if you don't want them, then don't have them.

Why did MiL do the Oh no thing? What objections did she raise? People can have irrational difficulties with names for various reasons. I couldn't call a child Kate or Michael for example, because I have had really awful experiences with people with those names. Could that be it?

The baby is born already isn't he?

I have sympathy with your friends as I don't like the name Oliver either. Just doesn't float my boat. He's not our baby though. He's your son and you and dp should agree his name and stuff everyone else. It does sound like DP had been a bit wet about this and should have sid earlier that he doesn't like it. I think you both need to make a top three list and see if you can come to an agreement.

To get you started grin I like:


DP said Ivander means 'good man' and said we should go with something with a good meaning rather than just on the name alone. Idk.

Baby is nearly 2 weeks old now so I guess I'm fretting.

Thank you for making me smile and realise I shouldn't give a shit if my mum likes it or not.

Me and DP will carry on looking I guess. He really liked Hugo or Dexter, which I guess I liked

ceebie Sat 05-Jan-13 12:31:11

Tell your Mum very kindly that you are not asking for and do not wish to be told her opinions on your choice of name for your child. It is hard enough to choose a name that you and DP can agree on, it would be impossible to get one that all the grandparents love too! They will just have to learn to like whatever you choose - whether Oliver or Englebert.

As for your DP, whilst you want a name that he likes too, remind him to be a bit more sensible - you have a major say in this - as you say, your child already has his surname - so why on earth is he trying to champion names you don't like?

Those are two of my DC2's names so I obviously approve. Despite its popularity we always get compliments.

I never call him Ollie, although others do. He's shortened to Pops because he was windy when tiny and known as Ollypops.

Congratulations on your newborn!

It wasn't mil who was rude, it was my bloody mother.

I like Sebastian and Benjamin too but DP didn't, we never agree.

He likes Marlow too.

i was about 5 weeks naming 1 of our children

just leave it for a few days smile

congratulations btw

ceebie Sat 05-Jan-13 12:33:20

Make a joint list of names you both like, and whittle down from there. There's no point having any names on the list that one of you doesn't like.

Don't fret, plenty of time still!

Thank you smile

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 12:34:46

My choosen boys names are,
Lucas Oliver, thats my fave,

PickledInAPearTree Sat 05-Jan-13 12:36:05

Oh I like Oliver!

Take a few more days it won't hurt. Perhaps don't tell your mum till the deed is done.

Apparently my mum doesn't like it because she worked wih an Oliver before who smelt hmm and my grandma won't be able to pronounce it (from another country)

Proudnscaryvirginmary Sat 05-Jan-13 12:37:00

Honestly I think it says a lot about your confidence to actually think of changing your own child's name because some people don't/wont like it.

Having said that your mother was horrendously rude, unkind and selfish to say that and I understand how it will always stick in your mind. Stupid woman.

You did make me grin with your 'Crap bag' comment though.

PickledInAPearTree Sat 05-Jan-13 12:37:14

Where is your grandma from?

He's my confidence isn't the greatest, you're right, but I did tell her it was none of her business and that she's named 3 children and this is mine to name so I did stand up to her. She texted an apology but my sister called and said mum had said she really didn't like it.

QuickQuickSleigh Sat 05-Jan-13 12:41:37

Oliver means peacemaker doesn't it? That's a lovely meaning.

M0naLisa Sat 05-Jan-13 12:41:53

We have Charlie-James and some people were abit blush but so what he's our child and its our choice

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 12:45:23

Also Theo is really cute.

JustFabulous Sat 05-Jan-13 12:46:08

I just don't get why anyone thinks they have a right to negatively comment on, or name, another person's child.

I worked for someone who went through about 7 names before they settled on one as neighbours were passing comment.

When I announced my son's name my grandmother said oh, I thought you would name him MasterJF hmm.

Your husband is being a prat. Tell him to stop arse licking his MIL and you are naming your baby Oliver James. He liked it before, agreed to it and that is a done deal unless you both are willing to rethink but then do not be influenced by anyone else.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 12:48:40

Tbh honest, i had my daughter named before she was even conceived, i fell in love with the name i chose, and didnt wanna call her anything else.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 12:48:58

I like it.

Your Mum & husband don´t sound very nice tbh.

If he had agreed without liking it-more fool him.

If you still like it, use it.

When I told my Mum what we were calling our PFB she told me she didn´t like it.

I told her that I was informing her of the name of her first GS not asking for her bloody opinion.

Of course the first person she told said-"oh that´s lovely-& unusual"-so she was preeninghmm

I didn´t bother to tell her that they may have just been being politegrin

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 12:50:16

Also my daughters initials are P E G, no one better dare to call her Peg or Peggy.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 12:51:47

My husband & I only ever agreed on the one boys name-there was no way we were going to change it!!

Good job PSB was a girl!!

PeshwariNaan Sat 05-Jan-13 12:51:54

...and this is why we're not telling anyone our name choice until after baby's born and named...

PeshwariNaan Sat 05-Jan-13 12:52:34

But, your DH and MIL are BU. Oliver James is lovely.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 12:53:44

Peshwari-in the case of OP & myself, we didn´t-didn´t stop the hurtful comment from our mums though!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 05-Jan-13 12:58:20

OP Hugo is nice,out of the two you said you liked and DP really liked.

I like Dexter too but think it's a bit of the moment. And the moment will almost certainly have passed by the time I have a child.

RyleDup Sat 05-Jan-13 13:01:16

We had the same problem op. My mum didn't like the name we had chosen, and dp changed his mind when ds was born too. I wouldn't have minded but it was dp who had chosen the name in the first place angry. Anyway, it took weeks to decide on a new name. I did think about naming ds the name we had chosen anyway (for about a nano second), but decided it was a bad idea as dp might not bond with the baby so well if it was a name he now hated. Weeks later, when we still couldn't think of a name, dp said I could have the original name, but by then it was tainted. We finally settled on a new name the day before the 6 week deadline. I must say I love ds's new name now, but I was not happy at the time.

thehappycat Sat 05-Jan-13 13:19:18

Lovely name. Stick to it OP.

Peevish Sat 05-Jan-13 13:20:08

Stick to your guns, OP - your husband sounds like he's flipflopping in a maddening way, having presumably liked the name all along until someone disagreed.

Tastes in names are so ridiculously dependent on age, culture, social class etc etc - you can't please everyone, and you'll go mad trying. I adore my baby's name, which is Biblical, but (though they've never said so outright), I know both sets of grandparents are embarrassed by it, simply because it's not the kind of name they consider 'normal', as working-class Irish people who've never travelled. It's not even a particularly unusual name, and it's phonetically spelled and easily pronounced, but it's not John, Owen, Conor or Cian, which is what they think all little boys shoulod be called in case it makes them stand out in the playground.

Lovely name but it's shitty of them to start playing around like this.

We had the time from hell trying to name DD2 last year and i still hate that she has a name i'm not wild about. I would rather push out 20 babies in a row without gas and air than name another baby. It's the worst bit and should be one of the most fun bits.

Tailtwister Sat 05-Jan-13 13:29:10

Well, for what it's worth I think it's a lovely name.

I'm sorry your mother has upset you, especially at such a sensitive time. However, you like it and that's what matters. Babies grow into their names and in a few months your mum won't be able to think of him as anything other than Oliver. I didn't particularly like DS1's name at first, but it was important to DH he named him after his Grandfather and now he couldn't be anything else!

Try to forget this upset and stick to your guns!

MargeySimpson Sat 05-Jan-13 13:29:31

Everyone hated my DS's name. But everyone loves it now! I think it's important you and your DP are both happy though. We both had to compromise.

The second name thing, that's how I felt (that I carried him etc). At 18months i'm gutted he doesn't have a double barrell or my surname as his middle name! I feel like he doesn't belong to my side of the family!

TidyDancer Sat 05-Jan-13 13:30:08

You need to agree on a name with your DH, your mum's opinion should not override that. However, as your DH is now saying he doesn't like it, that counts for a lot.

Ignoring the fact that your DH's name choices are horrible

Oliver is very popular now so if you were looking for something less common then it may not be the choice for you.

It really is up to your and DH only though. The only time you should listen to outside opinion is if something important is being pointed out to you, such as initials that spell S.H.I.T. or if you'd spelt it badly wrong, etc.

barbiecollector Sat 05-Jan-13 13:32:23

Sorry to say this, but I think Cassius is a fabulous name. Oliver is very popular and a bit dull. People always remember you when you have an unusual name and I think you would be giving your DS a great service by naming him something interesting.

Just my opinion. Please don't be offended.

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 13:34:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmLouisWalsh Sat 05-Jan-13 13:40:15

Oliver is a lovely, lovely name. Classic and timeless.

And as for popularity, DS1 has a name which is now quite unusual - despite being ten a penny when I was growing up - and found himself in a nursery class with another one. Sod's law and all that!

It's funny because I liked Cassius while pg and my DP turned his nose up at it, and now he likes it hmm I don't mind it just don't think it suits him.

I didn't want people to tell me they love Oliver when I posted so definitely not offended if people don't like it. It's tainted now anyway and if DP doesn't like it I won't go with it.

Back to the drawing board!

CloudsAndTrees Sat 05-Jan-13 13:43:01

Oliver is a lovely name, but if your DH doesn't like it then you have to think of something you can agree on. It has nothing to do with your Mum.

Oliver James instantly made me think of Jamie Oliver!

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 13:49:37

Oliver James is the best name ever.

Cassius is also very nice but I wouldn't change Oliver James.

Oliver is lovely - DD was going to be Oliver had she been a boy. How very awful of your mum! It's one thing to express distaste at a proposed name but quite another when the baby has been named. Very unfair.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 05-Jan-13 13:53:59

Oliver is a lovely name! I personally think that as long as your DP doesnt hate it (which he cant do to agree with it in the first place) then you should stick with it! My DS2 is 15 days old, and called Bobby, one 'friend' remarked that 'its a dogs name'... Fricking charmer. People are just odd and rude.

thegreylady Sat 05-Jan-13 13:56:21

Oliver is a lovely name and so is James.

HKat Sat 05-Jan-13 13:58:50

In my opinion Oliver is a fab name - and James - but I agree that's not the issue, the issue is how dare your mum be so rude! For what it's worth my own mum drove me demented on this front last year before DD was born. Her preference was Charlotte which I did like and was actually on our list, but the way she banged on about it actually put me off in the end. Also on our list was Mia which dp and I both loved, but she hated. She would pull a face whenever it came up and say 'oh but is it Mia or Miah, I can never tell'...Yes you bloody well can, and even if not, you only need to be told once!!!! Grrr. As it happened when DD arrived she just didn't feel like a Mia, but that was bugger all to do with DM's opinion. I didn't call her Charlotte either smile

Your baby op, your choice. Well, and dp's of course and there's the rub. If he genuinely doesn't like Oliver James, then that's a shame, but it needs to be one both of you agree on. Personally I'm not keen on his choices either! If dd had been a ds he would have been William Robert (or vice versa).

Congratulations on your DS by the way!

HollyBerryBush Sat 05-Jan-13 13:58:57

If you give outlandish names you risk one of two things - a child who just has to live up to that name - or a child who absolutely hates it and cant cope with it and becomes a complete introvert.

I'm thinking Zowie Bowie - who now calls himself Duncan Jones!

Off the top of my head I can't think of any captains of industry - but correct me - that don't have traditional names. Traditional names generally don't get eye-rolling/what was the mother thinking negative comments. Some people though just have to court notoriety and have this desire to stand out and extend that to their children.

HKat Sat 05-Jan-13 14:00:36

Oh and whilst I think you both need to agree, don't let him pressure you into a name you don't like. Take your time.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 14:01:52

I heard of some kid being called Mungo, thats just cruel.

And, Gary and Phil Neville's dad, Neville Neville, was his parents stoners.

Similar happened with DS2. We had decided on the name Finlay, i was calling him Finlay in the hours that followed his birth and i loved it. We had told MIL his name over the phone and got the response- "Really? Dont think much of that, cant you choose something else?"

Couldnt bear to use it after that, swapped him to something else entirely which i have come to prefer over the years.

MIL also told out friends that the name they had chosen for their unborn child was 'chavvy' and that she knew lots of kids from her work (she is a youth probation worker) that had the same name!

Kveta Sat 05-Jan-13 14:06:37

Oliver is a fantastic name, can be pronounced by just about anyone (except my nan, who thinks DS is called Roland). My in-laws are foreign, don't speak any english, but can cope with it fine.

FWIW, my mum thinks it's 'common', dad reckons 'he will be gay with that name' and my sister thinks 'it's a really weak name' to which I said ' oh do fuck off my child gets a name I like, you all have your own kids to name'

my DH wasn't fussed about names though, so it really was my choice luckily!

StinkyWicket Sat 05-Jan-13 14:09:52

How cruel.

It is none of anyone's business what you choose for your son, and your DP all of a sudden getting odd about it doesn't help.

Oliver James is lovely. I understand why your mum would feel that way (I did for a long time about a name that DH loved but happened to be the same name as a much hated school kid!) but to voice that as anything other than 'ooh, I knew and Oliver once' is just silly.

Why on earth if your DP now getting so hung up on meanings now? He does know you could find several 'funny' meanings on the internet which are probably just as valid!

NotThoughtOfMy2013NNyet Sat 05-Jan-13 14:10:15

I really dislike the name Oliver and just cannot get my head around why it is so popular. As each new one is introduced, a 'ooh lovely, such a classic name' is mustered as a lovely new baby is really what is most important.

BooCanary Sat 05-Jan-13 14:11:36

I know its too late for you now OP, but I have learnt two lessons re. baby names:

1. NEVER tell ANYONE apart from your DP/H what your name choices are before the baby is born and before you have announced the name as a fait accompli.

2. Agree a short shortlist (max 3 options) with DP/H, and then make the decision as soon as baby is born - your DP/H will be so full of amazement at your childbirthing bravery and skill wink that you will get your way on your favourite name!!

This worked both times for me grin. I'm pretty sure my DM doesn't like at least one of my DCs names, and she is a bit hmm about the fact that they both have obviously religious/christian names, despite us being a family of ardent atheists! It's tough shit though tbh.

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 14:12:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ Sat 05-Jan-13 14:21:44

Oliver is a lovely name and the couple of boys I know who have that name are lovely too.

Don't listen to others, like you say, your DM has had her chance to name her children.

I have just looked up the meaning of Oliver and found this 'Oliver is thoughtful and cautious. Ostensibly this name derives from Late Latin olivarius 'olive tree'.'

Thanks for the lovely replies. I'm now getting texts with suggestions from my mother and brother. Told them to stop as I'm just upset now and want to be left alone. DP is now saying there is nothing wrong with Oliver and he doesn't mind it at all, what a mind fuck everyone is today

AmberSocks Sat 05-Jan-13 14:36:30

my mum hates my dc4s name-Ivor-in fact it hasnt been popular at all really,her reaction was worst though,but me and dh love it and when i was pregnant i just thought of him as that,and as soon as i saw him(i caught him myself when i gave birth and lifted him up out the water) i said "hello Ivor!" so it was just meant to be,if it feels right then go with it.

brighthair Sat 05-Jan-13 14:41:04

She had her chance to name her children. Now it's your turn. What do you think when you look at him, does a name pop into your head?

aderynlas Sat 05-Jan-13 14:42:16

Lovely name always makes me think of Ivor Novello.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 14:42:36

Tell your mother and brother that he's your baby. You pick his names.
Oh and then tell them to fuck off do one.

supergreenuk Sat 05-Jan-13 14:45:23

I really like the name. I can't believe your mother is so thoughtless. Please stick with it. This feeling will go and he will BE Oliver.

tulip27 Sat 05-Jan-13 14:52:06

I love the name . Lots of Oliver's at des prep school

5madthings Sat 05-Jan-13 14:53:47

People can be tactless when it comes to names. My parents and my mil didnt like our name choices and mil did a catsbum face and still moans that we didnt give her grandchildren a name she liked. Ds1 even has my late fil name as a middle name (he died a few mths before i got preg with ds1) and she doesnt like tgat either as she thinks middle names are pointless.

Fwiw i like oliver and tho its a well recognised name i dint know many babies named it at the moment.

I love cassius and if i ever have another (unlikely) its on my list along with emmett. Twin boys would be good si i could use both names but i think 5madthings is enough!

Footface Sat 05-Jan-13 14:55:08

We have an Oliver, 7 months my Dad sort of turned his nose up aswell. (O well)

Call your child what you want. You dp sounds like mine, didn't really like any names but wasn't help full in making suggestions, one of his suggestions was zeus. Nice name but really we're not going to name a child with such a different name.

The only thing with Oliver though is the amount if nick names that go with it. There's olly, ollybear, liver and my two year old decided to call him olin, no idea where that came from.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 14:57:27

I can´t believe that they are now suggesting names.

Did your mother name you or let your Gran??

As for your brother now getting involved-words fail me!!

If your husband is now OK with the name, I would go with it-unless it´s now ruined for you.

I have a feeling your mum would be unbearable if you change itsad

MrsDeVere Sat 05-Jan-13 14:58:05

It is nobodies but your's what you call YOUR child.
Your DP has said he likes it now so there is no reason at all not to use the names.

I name my DCs. OH isnt really bothered which is fine by me. If he really didnt like a name I would't force it on him maybe
Although when we had DD he hinted that his DM usually named the GC shock


Use the names you like and bugger everyone else.

44SoStartingOver Sat 05-Jan-13 14:58:15

In my opinion (fwiw) it is good for the parents to agree, but the one who dilates by 10cm gets the final word.

Your mother is rude.

BUT and this is big, don't give baby your dps surname unless you really, really want to.

Unless you choose to marry, and then choose to change your surname, it is much easier, and much better to have you and dc last name the same.

minouminou Sat 05-Jan-13 15:04:06

Tell everyone to knob off!
I went through hellfire to get DS' name - I'd had it planned for him for 14 years! It had LOADS of opposition from just about everyone, apart from two people who really surprised me!

However, I like the sound of Oliver Cassius - compromise?.
Oliver Evander sounds like a children's entertainer!

minouminou Sat 05-Jan-13 15:05:59

Oh, and massive congrats!

Keep the name you love, and tell your DP and DM that actually, you think their names suck arse and you would really prefer it if they both name changed to Arsehat forth with.

thebody Sat 05-Jan-13 15:19:14

My dd has a friend called Samsung. Honestly and seriously.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 05-Jan-13 15:22:14

Why don't you give DS your surname if it's what you want?

AmberSocks Sat 05-Jan-13 15:30:39

mykids have my surname,we are married too,dh said he may change his name to mine one day if he feelslike it and they all call him Mr "insert my surname" at the school,he doesnt care,but he isnt a traditionalist,i dont see any more reason why a child should have their dads name than the mothers name,or vice versa,my name is just nicer and i didnt want to change mine to his.

Sorry to ramble on,just thought id say soyou know peopledo do it that way.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 15:32:31

Samsung really?

Nanny0gg Sat 05-Jan-13 15:38:33

Crumbs, I can't believe you've only ever known one Oliver! I've known loads,and I think they've all been really good kids.

Does he 'look' like an Oliver, btw?

Your DP is coming round to it again, so grab it with both hands and tell everyone your final decision is made.

Then switch off your phone.

BornInACrossFireHurricane Sat 05-Jan-13 15:41:37

Oliver is lovely (the couple I have known have been lovely as well!) Yes, it is popular now but there's a reason for that- it's a nice name!

My daughter is top 20- I've only known one other, now there seems to be lots of little babies with this name or there are on cbeebies birthday cards. I get a lot of lovely comments on her name, as opposed to my son's name (which isn't in the top 100)

I would also give the baby your surname, but that is me!

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 05-Jan-13 15:48:24

I've never met an Oliver either, it's a lovely name.

Montybojangles Sat 05-Jan-13 16:35:12

Oliver James has a lovely sound to it. Stick to what you think suits your baby and tell the rest to rack off!!

thehappycat Sat 05-Jan-13 16:52:37

Sorry but Cassius really is pretentious! Is it after the boxer, the classical figure... I suppose it doesn't matter but it just sounds like one of those pretentious MC names. where I live there are tonnes of that kind of name. Everyone is trying to be a bit different/individual but they all have that awful UMC ring to it. <shudder> It's a very personal thing but I think you can't go wrong with a lovely classic name like Oliver or James or both!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sat 05-Jan-13 16:53:07

Do you know what? It's your baby not your mums, switch your phone off so you don't see the texts and make an appointment to register your baby as Oliver James. As you're not married, you can go by yourself and your DP doesn't have to be there, so call him the name you both agreed on and give him your surname. On the other hand your DP can't register the baby without you there as you're not married, so don't worry about him going behind your back to do it. As someone else mentioned, you can change his surname if you marry. My DS has my surname, I'm a single parent and SO glad I gave him my surname.

Oh, and my mum wasn't keen on my name choices either, I just told her it was my baby and I'd be picking the name (exDP had fucked off before he was born). She got over it. Imagine how much you'll resent it if you give him a name your mother or sister have picked. Every time you have to say or wrote his name it'll piss you off. I mean, who the fuck do they think they are?! Tell them to have their own baby if they want to name one so much.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sat 05-Jan-13 16:57:10

Oh, and if you don't put your foot down over this, before you know it your mother, sister et al will be telling you how to change him, how to wind him, which nursery he should go to, what schools to apply to and will generally try to overrule all your parenting decisions. Start as you mean to go on.

thehappycat Sat 05-Jan-13 16:57:55

if you are married you can still go alone to register actually - the difference is if you are married, he can also go alone.

MrsDeVere Sat 05-Jan-13 17:09:19

I have a Cassius (its not his first name, its his 4th).
Deffo not pretentious or MC (ha ha).

Lovely name with a proud heritage.


Alisvolatpropiis Sat 05-Jan-13 17:11:32

Cassius isn't pretentious is it?

Unusual is not synonymous with pretentious in my mind anyway.

Pandemoniaa Sat 05-Jan-13 17:14:17

There's nothing wrong with Oliver or James. Both are good although you'd have to accept that Oliver will be shortened to Ollie.

I think it is just as important that the name fits the baby too. When dgd was born ds2 and ddil had three, agreed and lovely names for her. She clearly suited one of them even at only hours old!

It's not up to your mother to comment, tbh, let alone be rude about your choices. But then your dp isn't being much help either.

Personally, I think that Cassius suits a Boxer Dog more than it does a child but then your child isn't my child so if you both agree on it and your baby suits the name go for it. Otherwise consider agreeing on 3 or 4 names and putting them in a hat. But don't be persuaded to go against a name on the basis that your mother disapproves.

5madthings Sat 05-Jan-13 17:17:08

Cassius isnt pretentious. I think its a lovely name.

Op ignore suggestions; give yourself some time and maybe even try out some other names (three if my children had a variety if names tried out on them in thd first few weeks) and go with what you are happy wuth.

Dont let the fact that your mum doesnt like a name 'taint' it for you. My parents and mil, as i said dont like the names we chose but they got used to them (they occassionally still mention it and get short thrift)

Choose a name YOU are happy with for YOUR baby. Xxx

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 17:21:12

Cassius has never seen pretentious. It's beautiful and I would have had it but for DH.. he let me have Gabriel at a push.

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 17:26:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 17:30:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 17:31:27

Yy lockets well said. I like the softness of it and how it shortens to Cass.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 17:32:54

X posts.. yes I think Gabriel is a pretty cool name.. I like it for a boy and a man..

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 17:39:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 05-Jan-13 17:39:23

everlong I agree with you. Gabriel is one of those names that sounds great on a little boy and also on a grown man.

In my head they are all really cool and ride motorbikes (as adults) grin

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 17:43:22

I'll keep my eyes out for him lockets grin

alis that's funny because I always think of them like Gabriel Aubrey ( Halle Berry's ex ) gorgeous man.. my Gabriel is nothing like him though!

YuleBritannia Sat 05-Jan-13 17:49:36

There was that famous actor called Oliver Reed. He was well liked even if he let his life go downwards .........................

I liked his acting. Jolly good looking too.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 17:54:05

When I picked Oliver James 25 years ago I had a few comments that were negative.. I suppose because there weren't any about. I thought I was being brave and adventurous!
Ds 3 was nearly Barnaby.. which he often thanks me for me.

JustFabulous Sat 05-Jan-13 17:58:26

I think it is very important that you assert your authority and status as BabyNoodleSoup's mother right now otherwise your parents and brother, wtf, are going to think they have the right to make demands over how you bring up your baby. Naming a child can be such a fundemental thing so God knows what they will be like when you make feeding, clothing, schooling choices when they are like this now.

5Foot5 Sat 05-Jan-13 17:59:39

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird "There is an Olivander in dc2 class in school,could that be a comprimise. "

Oh that is the best laugh I have had in days! Isn't Olivander the person who runs the wand shop in Diagon Alley?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 18:00:49

5Foot5 That is true, and now i think i love that name.

5Foot5 Sat 05-Jan-13 18:01:25

"Me and DP will carry on looking I guess. He really liked Hugo or *Dexter", which I guess I liked "

Serial killer.

Nothing wrong with Oliver at all, but you do have to agree of course. Hugo has a nice ring to it

AmandaPayne Sat 05-Jan-13 18:02:01

Oh, poor you. Change or don't change your baby's name. But don't let your mother think she can control how you raise your own child by 'tainting' your decisions and choices with her disapproval. That way mental breakdown lies...

assumpta Sat 05-Jan-13 18:18:11

Maybe you should tell your brother and sister that it would be such a lovely idea for your mum to be able to name their babies for them, but you will stick to naming your baby yourself. Let's see how agreeable they are with her then!

Your sister and brother should be telling her that it doesn't matter what name she does or does not like, she has had her time naming babies, now it's your turn. As for a granny not being able to pronounce it, that is utter nonsense; she will manage it somehow.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding Sat 05-Jan-13 18:21:03

Always go with the name you like or you will regret it!
Names are a personal choice, and yours & your dps choice only.

PessaryPam Sat 05-Jan-13 18:26:27

Oliver is a very nice name but quite popular at the moment.

Jolyon is a nice unusual name, and abbreviated to Joly is pretty upbeat. It's a variant of Julian and means young I think.

Veritate Sat 05-Jan-13 18:27:12

The trouble with Cassius is that it makes me think of that quote from Shakespeare - Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look.

I must say I have always immediately said that I liked whatever name my relatives and friends told me they had chosen for their offspring, even if I didn't. I think it's totally up to them to choose and no-one else, and when they obviously like that name it's offensive to say you hate it.

Mind you, it was quite hard work to sound enthusiastic that time I was introduced to Florian,Cyprian and Angelica.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 18:29:37

Jolyon is lovely too..

Maryz Sat 05-Jan-13 18:29:52

You like Oliver, call him Oliver.

It's much easier here (Ireland), where you name them before you leave hospital, before anyone else can shove their nose in!

meddie Sat 05-Jan-13 18:31:13

Oliver James is a nice name. Pick a name both you and DP love.
I was sick of my rels interfering with my naming choices so told them I had picked 'star-anise' if it was a girl and 'soccer' for a boy. They didnt say a peep when they finally heard their real names (both traditional names)

PessaryPam Sat 05-Jan-13 18:31:28

AmberSocks my mum hates my dc4s name-Ivor-in fact it hasnt been popular at all really,her reaction was worst though,but me and dh love it and when i was pregnant i just thought of him as that,and as soon as i saw him(i caught him myself when i gave birth and lifted him up out the water) i said "hello Ivor!" so it was just meant to be,if it feels right then go with it.

I just hope your surname isn't Biggin grin

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 18:33:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Can't believe she was that rude!

Did you know Oliver James is quite a well know psychologist though?

MudCity Sat 05-Jan-13 18:37:27

Oliver is a great name (and believe me, I am fussy). Tell everyone to piss off.

If it is any consolation my mother would do exactly the same, whatever the name.

You have chosen that name for him after a lot of thought. It is a gift that lasts a lifetime. Don't let other people ruin it or you and for him.

People can keep their opinions to themselves.

Tell your husband how you are feeling. You old go on forever choosing a name and never get anywhere. Don't like his choices by the way.

Grapesoda Sat 05-Jan-13 18:38:32

Oliver is a lOvely name. So is James.
If your DH wants to rev up the name a bit maybe he could insert a quirky middle name.
A name that seems cute on a baby has to last and suit a grown up man.
Refuse to talk to anyone else until you a dh have had some space and a talk (during which you get your own way) wink

Tralalalaha Sat 05-Jan-13 18:42:06

I wanted Corin. OH is a miserable git and wouldn't let me have it.

MudCity Sat 05-Jan-13 18:43:36

Sorry for typos...don't let other people ruin it for you or for him...

You could go on forever choosing a name.

You may feel sensitive about the naming thing right now because your mother has stuck her oar in. However, one day you will be able to tell young Oliver how he came to be named, you will be able to tell him how you stuck to your guns and you will both have a laugh over it.

If you agree to change his name now you will always think about how you wanted to call him Oliver but other people's opinions got in the way...

peaceandlovebunny Sat 05-Jan-13 18:45:04

don't rush - i knew a lady who took months to decide what to name her second son. she eventually decided on registering him as william, but used liam as his everyday name.

oliver james is a lovely choice. fits in anywhere. hugo should be ok.

are you in the uk? cassius, ivander and dexter are not host culture names - does your partner want to use the name to make a 'statement' about heritage? or is he just a boxing fan?

MudCity Sat 05-Jan-13 18:46:20

See, look at Tralalalaha's post...that is exactly what I mean.

Miserable gits getting in the way of good decisions.

My mum really disliked the name I chose when pregnant with DD, and didn't hide her disapproval when she was born either. It often gets listed as pretentious and try-hard on MN too...but I truly don't care, it is perfect to me, suits her down to the ground, I'm glad we stuck to our guns. I got lots of texts with suggested names too, god it annoyed me. Ignore anyone else's opinion, really.

sparklechops Sat 05-Jan-13 18:49:07

Oliver James is a lovely name, OP. If you like it, keep it.

We had the same problem when DD was born, only it was MIL who was a bitch about it. DD was a day old and I was still in hospital when we told MIL the news on the phone. She immediately burst out laughing and said, 'You can't call her that!' I was distraught and threw the phone at DH, the midwife rushed in as she heard the commotion. The midwife and I actually had a good laugh about it later as she said the same thing had happened to her twenty years earlier.

In the end, we gave DD a longer version of the original name on her birth certificate. Guess MIL's reaction when we told her we were doing this? 'You can't do that!'

Unfortunately, from what I've read on here since, I think this sort of reaction is common. I reckon it's a control thing. It definitely was with my MIL, anyway. She has since said she loves DD's name, as though she's completely forgotten what a cow she was about it originally.

Be strong! Your baby, your choice.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 18:49:25

Araminta by any chance

OhIWishThereWasABook Sat 05-Jan-13 18:49:38

When you make up your mind, don't tell your mum until the deed is done! People get used to names very quickly. I have friends who have given their babies bonkers names- I love those names.....now grin

ILoveFrogs Sat 05-Jan-13 18:51:32

Oliver James is a fantastic name!

My DS is an Oliver, everyone apart from my mum hated it and thought it was very old fashioned, but after a while they don't see him as anything else but an Oliver…. people will get used to his name!

LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas Sat 05-Jan-13 18:59:40

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, everyone will always have an opinion and pretty soon that name will belong to him.

Bicnod Sat 05-Jan-13 19:12:09

Oliver James is a gorgeous name. My DS2 is James and DS1 is Oscar, so quite similar.

Why don't you sleep on it (hahaha - yeah right, with a newborn) and maybe you'll feel happy with it again tomorrow (assuming your DH doesn't change his mind again).

Your Mum, brother, sister etc can all just get back in their boxes - he's your baby and it's up to you and DH what you call him. Everyone else will learn to love whatever you name him as they will love him.

Bicnod Sat 05-Jan-13 19:12:22

P.S. Congratulations on your little one grin

3smellysocks Sat 05-Jan-13 19:41:29

you and your DH need to list all the names you like (separate lists) - then score each name out of 10. Do not involve your family in the decision. You and your DH both have to love the name you choose. Maybe some of your names have special meanings? What does Oliver mean? James too?

LynetteScavo Sat 05-Jan-13 19:45:57

There is nothing at all wrong with Oliver James!

What kid of names is your DM suggesting? <nosey>

Hedgepig Sat 05-Jan-13 19:48:35

Oliver James is a great name (but I'm a bit biased cos that's DS2s name smile)

thebody Sat 05-Jan-13 19:49:30

Yes honestly Samsung.. I didn't believe her so made her show me his Facebook page. It's absolutely true I mean I ask you..

Love Cassius and Oliver James. Go for it op.

LynetteScavo Sat 05-Jan-13 19:50:19

How about Oliver James Cassius?

James is the name all the men on my fathers side have as a mn.

My mum suggested Nathan and Joshua

5madthings Sat 05-Jan-13 20:17:00

I love oliver james cassius!

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 20:17:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 20:18:40

OP its yours and OP's baby, your right to name him.

Same names for ya all:

mummaxmas Sat 05-Jan-13 20:24:15

Do what you what!! I look at my baby and I'm sure he's the name I wanted ha ha, do wish I'd put up more of a fight ! And what the hell do mums know ! Nothing, I should know I am one ha ha ha

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug Sat 05-Jan-13 22:35:18

Oliver is a good classic name. It's one of those names that I think of as really popular but don't actually know many.

If my MIL had her way 3 out of my 5 would be called something different. But I didnt want mine being called John or William like every other male member of the family (nothing wrong with those names but there's tons of them in the immediate family)

If your DH agreed to Oliver and has only changed his mind because someone said something negative then tell him to grow a pair and tell your family to butt out. Like others have pointed out your mum had her chance at naming babies, I wonder if she let her mum name you or your brother?

EllenParsons Sat 05-Jan-13 23:09:09

I can't believe the cheek of your mum! For what it's worth Oliver is a lovely name but it's not her choice at all and once a baby has arrived I think it's just out of order to criticise the name, maybe unless it is something really ridiculous and offensive that will cause the cold problems, but definitely with a "normal" name like Oliver there is no reason to criticise at all!

DewDr0p Sat 05-Jan-13 23:17:27

I agree it's really NONE of your mum's business! My Dad isn't over keen on any of my dcs' names tbh but I just ignored that (he never said outright but I could tell grin )

More talking required with dp though... I had great results just by holding the baby in my arms in an aren't-I-amazing-giving-birth kind of way and just saying "can we call him X? Please? It just feels right"

KRITIQ Sat 05-Jan-13 23:22:46

Oliver James is a lovely name. It's also the name of a well-known child psychologist. I've heard him speak though and he seems a top class guy.

Peka Sat 05-Jan-13 23:26:54

Oh my. This is ridonculous. It doesn't really matter whether Oliver is a lovely name or not (lovely is afterall in the eye of the beholder), it's not a name anyone has a right to get so exercised about! I think your whole family has possibly lost their collective minds possibly with the excitement of said baby's birth? If Oliver was a 'lovely' but slightly strange name (like Evander???) your mil might be justified in mentioning it was a tad unusual but Oliver is just so utterly inoffensive!!! Why does every name have to be totally unique or have a really special meaning or spelling ffs? It's the child itself that will be unique, the name is well... just a name, and you are bound to have a slim, willowy boy who is keen on fixing computers and Sudoku if you name him after a boxer - it's just tempting fate.

If it makes you feel any better, my mil sat me and DH down the day after my 3 month scan and suggested we all put names into a hat and pick one at random. When I said we wouldn't be doing that she proceeded to veto every name we both had chosen, luckily managed to find one for a boy and one for a girl we could all agree on but took a mighty long time (and still not quite sure how I got myself into that situation in the first place, ho hum)... please DON'T mention the 'party game' approach to name choice to anyone in your family - sounds like your mil might actually go for it!

MudCity Sun 06-Jan-13 00:31:56

Chuckling over Pekas MIL's party game idea. That is horrendous!

Why is it that everyone feels they should have a say when a baby is born? I mean, seriously?

Your baby, your choice. Start as you mean to go on and don't let other people's comments rock the boat.

diddl Sun 06-Jan-13 08:56:48

Perhaps the rule should be-if you were at the conception, you get a say in the name!

MadonnaKebab Sun 06-Jan-13 09:31:04

I see your Samsung and raise you......
(Girls name, I have met 2 of them. Maybe OK in home country of Thailand but not if you intend to bring up said unfortunately monikered child in an English-speaking country)

SarahWarahWoo Sun 06-Jan-13 09:45:23

Choose a name before mentioning it to anyone else. Otherwise they will feel able to contribute their opinion. Everyone asked me about names and I wouldn't discuss it with anyone other than DH. Agree with him a name and stick to it.

Horsemad Sun 06-Jan-13 11:13:04

Hell would freeze over before I'd let anybody try and sway my choice on MY baby's name!

Apart from DH of course! smile

ceebie Sun 06-Jan-13 14:47:02

OP please please please tell all members of your family to stop making suggestions and offering opinions on names. Please make it crystal clear that the baby-naming process is going to be undertaken just between you and DP and no-one, seriously no-one, else.

ComposHat Sun 06-Jan-13 15:01:31

Your mum can go boil her head frankly.

But I would work on getting a name that both you and your partner like though. Maybe he should have spoken up earlier, but as his father he should have an equal say in his name.

We have a seven week old son called Cassius and have had nothing but positive comments so far. We are definitely not middle class and chose the name because it was the only one DP and I both loved.

There is nothing wrong with Oliver James, Hugo or any of the other names you mentioned. Just decide on a name and stick to it. It's nobody else's business. Like you said, they have already had their chance at naming their own children. It's not their place to name yours as well.

squoosh Sun 06-Jan-13 18:34:17

It really needs to be a name you both agree on. The 'both' being you and your husband, your Mum had her own baby naming chances!

Personally I prefer Cassius to Oliver, but that's neither here nor there.

Heavywheezing Sun 06-Jan-13 18:58:38

Oliver James is a lovely name. Keep his name.

My cousin called her baby Felix,which apparently her mum and dad hated. What's rude is that they let her know.
It's difficult when you know somebody doesn't like the name. Stuff them. They will come round, they will and say how much it suits him in the months to come.
Op, I thought you would have called him Noel!

Amber, I love the name Ivor, it was my great grandfather's name, I wish I had called ds2 Ivor. Of course we are welsh so it's said I vor rather than iver.

ceebie Fri 11-Jan-13 20:01:51

Have you settled on a name hun or still deciding? Just curious to know how you got on! You've still got weeks to decide, obviously.

PhallicGiraffe Fri 11-Jan-13 21:18:08

YABU to name your kid after Jamie Oliver. He is a tosser.

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