to think he needs to grow the fuck up?

(73 Posts)
VitoCorleone Sat 05-Jan-13 10:26:59

"D"P has just had a package delivered. Its a calander of p3 girls. Apparently him and all the lads at work "chipped in" for it, they apparently HAVE to have a "boob calander" (his actual words) up at work "for the lads"

These "lads" are all middle age men, my DP being the youngest at 29

I told him i thought it was sad and pathetic and that its like being with a schoolboy. He said if it upsets me then im the sad one and need to get a grip.

Im getting sick of this, he knows the name, surname and fucking bra size of every glamour girl out there. Its just sad.

VitoCorleone Sat 05-Jan-13 10:31:56

And the best bit "we're working men, thats what working men do"

Its law that working men have to stare at topless women all day!

Yuck. He sounds gross. I wouldn't want to be with someone like him sad

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 05-Jan-13 10:35:16

Wow that is pathetic! He's not 14 anymore!

2anddone Sat 05-Jan-13 10:35:24

he sounds like a knob that needs to grow up!! I would get a nude man calendar and put it up in my kitchen or bedroom just to piss him off wink

mrsstewpot Sat 05-Jan-13 10:35:56

Totally unacceptable in the work place and offensive to any female employees as well.
My husband had to deal with one if his staff members reading a Nuts mag in the staff room recently- can't imagine any work environments allowing a topless calendar these days.

ErikNorseman Sat 05-Jan-13 10:36:17

Yes he's a sad wanker alright.

pictish Sat 05-Jan-13 10:36:23

What a bellend. Yanbu.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 10:38:36

I´d leave him-sounds very immature.

Where does he work?

My husband wouldn´t be allowed one in his office even if he wanted one.

Softlysoftly Sat 05-Jan-13 10:38:59

Can't abide men like that. But that's no doubt because I'm a jealous shrivelled old hag (every mans excuse forever)

Snorbs Sat 05-Jan-13 10:39:35

That's grim.

VitoCorleone Sat 05-Jan-13 10:45:11

He works in a factory

peanutMD Sat 05-Jan-13 10:45:14

I used to clean an AC car showroom, all very respectable until you went into the staff room where the walls were pretty much wallpapered with pages from Nuts/FHM/Daily Star/Old calanders.

I felt uncomfortable cleaning in there myself never mind having to sit with men at breaks.

V.immature but unfortunately not rare amongst male work colleagues.

SpottyBagOfTumble Sat 05-Jan-13 10:46:30


Gumby Sat 05-Jan-13 10:48:09

Ha bet all your posters buy Heat & lust over torso of the week

OddBoots Sat 05-Jan-13 10:51:38

Is he sure that he won't end up with a disciplinary at work if he brings that in? I can't see it being acceptable in any work place and the main responsibility will fall on whatever gullible numpty actually brings it onto site.

VitoCorleone Sat 05-Jan-13 10:54:27

Apparently he's not immature, yeah im the immature one for being "threatened" by these women.

Numberlock Sat 05-Jan-13 10:56:14

How long have you been with this misogynistic cunt - and why? Do you have children together, a daughter in particular?

VitoCorleone Sat 05-Jan-13 10:56:33

Oddboots - they have one up all year round apparently. Nobody gives a shit there. About 90% of the workforce are men, the women either work upstairs in the office or in another part of the factory

ChaoticintheNewYear Sat 05-Jan-13 10:56:53

Maybe immature, maybe not but definitely a sexist, misogynistic twat.

VitoCorleone Sat 05-Jan-13 10:57:10

Numberlock - been together 5 years, have 2 boys.

Startail Sat 05-Jan-13 11:01:08

Fine so long as you can plaster an appropriate wall in your house with skimpily dressed men. Carefully chosen to be taller, more muscular, more athletic, better looking etc than him.

Personally I don't mind pg. 3 in the paper and wouldn't feel bothered walking into a room with calendars like that.

But I've never felt any need to compete with other women on looks and am entirely happy with my little breasts.

Allowing such stuff in the work place is still wrong in this day and age.

Numberlock Sat 05-Jan-13 11:03:12

So you've known presumably since you got together he's a misogynist. Does he also watch porn and go to lap dancing bars etc on lads nights out/stag do's? How is the child care and housework divided?

The main point is though what are you going to do about it?

Hanikam Sat 05-Jan-13 11:06:10

Get a gay porn pin-up and hang it behind the toilet door. He'll get a shock when he sits down!

chris481 Sat 05-Jan-13 11:26:25

I think this is a (relatively unimportant) example of irreconcilable differences between the interests of men and women. It will make men happier to have this calendar, and it will annoy women for them to have it.

I sympathise with the arguments against, to the extent I can force myself to care about what's on a wall I'll never see, and agree that current public opinion is, officially at least, on the side of women.

I think what's good for men and what's good for women are sometime just two different things, and who prevails is a question of power rather than morality. In this case, the current version of morality is a stick women can beat men with, if they are determined to prevail.

I vaguely recall a saying that all Utopias are totalitarian. Without checking, I wonder if this is because they must be a relentless implementation of one idea of a perfect world. In the real world, there are many different ideas of what constitutes a perfect world, so anyone who tries to improve their world risks making someone elses worse.

I may have overthought this whole issue...

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 05-Jan-13 11:31:37

"It will make men happier to have this calendar,"

Good generaliation. Personally I wouldn't work anywhere that allowed this up on the wall.

I have two calendars of naked and semi-naked rugby players atm, one was a present and one was bought by me.

However - I wouldn't dream of putting them on display at work, that would be inappropriate.

So I'm a sad wanker too, but at least I'm a proffessional one.

chris481 Sat 05-Jan-13 11:41:47


Simplification and generalisation are often necessary when aiming for a brief and coherent argument.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 05-Jan-13 11:45:15


It is lazy and reduces the worth of any arguement.

Snorbs Sat 05-Jan-13 11:48:07

chris, I'm a man and I don't want to work somewhere that there would be nude or semi-nude pictures of men or women on the wall.

Does that make me "on the side of women", or does that make me someone who sees work as an environment where such displays are just inappropriate and crass?

If you want to look at pictures of naked men and/or women then fair enough. Do it in your own time. We are talking about a work environment, not your own home.

HullyEastergully Sat 05-Jan-13 11:54:50

roll it up, shove it up his sorry sexist misogynist arse and find yourself a decent human being ffs

BigShinyBaubles Sat 05-Jan-13 11:58:50

It wouldn't bother me at all if my oh had one at work.

Lilithmoon Sat 05-Jan-13 12:01:48

This would seriously bother me and I certainly do not lust over 'torso of the week'.

redwellybluewelly Sat 05-Jan-13 12:05:31

Years but not as many as you'd hope ago I worked in a highways depot. Those damn Boob calendars were on every desk and wall and the attitude to women in general wasn't as great as it could have been.

Fast forward to now when I went back and it was a totally different atmosphere. Maybe gone too far PC but those awful calendars had gone and an engineer was an engineer despite wether they were male or female.

Your DP need to grow up.

susanann Sat 05-Jan-13 12:06:16

He doesnt sound great. Think I would get one of those hunky fireman calendars and put it in a prominent place. My exH used to look at women when we were driving along but he was so obvious about it. I told him I didnt like it but he still carried on. So I decided to give him a taste of his own medecine. We were stopped at some traffic lights one day and a young fit guy was walking along the pavement towards us. So I let out a loud "Phowarr" and followed this up by having a good look and turning round to see him from the back view when he had gone past. Cured my hubby! lol

Numberlock Sat 05-Jan-13 12:11:31

Interesting coherent argument that encourages the debasing of women to keep men happy.

OP - is this the attitude you hope your sons will have towards women?

I wouldn't allow any such calendar in my work place - I'd have to check the staff handbook though to see if it was a disciplinary matter.

Your DP needs to grow up for two reasons: one for believing its appropriate and funny to have a calendar up at work that objectifies women, and two for bowing to peer pressure from his co-workers to get the type of calendar they all apparently wanted.

To clarify you are not the sad one who needs to get a grip.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 05-Jan-13 12:13:54

Eeewwww, just eeewwww a bunch of middle aged men (not your p) standing round slobbering over a half naked girl probably young enough to be their daughter.


hermioneweasley Sat 05-Jan-13 15:01:30

Chris481, what an extraordinary attitude. I daresay that apartheid made white people happier and black people unhappier. What to do, eh? What a dilemma! It generally makes the people with privilege less happy when some of their privilege is taken away to restore the balance.

SorrelForbes Sat 05-Jan-13 15:05:56

On top what everyone has said up thread, the bra sizes given will all be wrong, further perpetuating the notion that anything bigger than a D is 'fat' or 'plus size'.

Blistory Sat 05-Jan-13 15:07:48

Why are you with him, OP, given that he has a very low opinion of women ? Don't you think his attitude shows a clear lack of respect for you ?

thebody Sat 05-Jan-13 15:13:42

Gosh I actually think I have catapulted back to 1975.

Thought this sort if silly cramp wasn't actually allowed anymore.

Isn't there a union? This sounds old fashioned now and so so sad and pathetic.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Sat 05-Jan-13 15:15:23

My DH is a red blooded, heterosexual man. He likes women, he likes to look at attractive women. But he would never have a calendar like that up, at work or anywhere else.

In the same way, I like men and like to look at the attractive ones. But I don't have a calendar like that.

Some people obviously have the need to advertise their sexuality "Phwoar, I like girls, me." It's almost as though they are protesting too much. grin

amck5700 Sat 05-Jan-13 15:16:17

Can't say it really bothers me tbh

TheProvincialLady Sat 05-Jan-13 15:19:24

Having a calendar at work is one thing. I don't like it but if my husband saw one at work I wouldn't insist he left his job (well, if he wasn't a teacher anyway...).

But. Your partner has memorised the 'details' of numerous glamour models. And yet you still have sex with him. How can you bear to? I just could not respect such a man.

I want to know how pictures of topless women are "good" for men? Are there health benefits? hmm

AngelWreakinHavoc Sat 05-Jan-13 15:24:04

I dont see what all the fuss is about to be honest.
If a pic of boobs make their day go faster and they have something to talk about whilst working I see no problem at all.
I have to get metal work done for my work and when I take it to the factory or collect everyones work station has pics of boobs. I do not feel offended at all by seeing this.

I feel sorry for your DS's girlfriends.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 15:28:34

I thought it was standard for men to have page 3 calendars up in garages, factories etc. Wouldn't bother me if dh worked in one.

And certainly not worth leaving him for. Dear god.

ilovesooty Sat 05-Jan-13 15:29:33

I don't think this sort of thing has any place in a work environment. Where people's boundaries are in their private lives/relationships are their business.

Smudging Sat 05-Jan-13 15:30:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

"And certainly not worth leaving him for."

Calendar on it's own? Probably not.
His attitude to it and reaction to the OP? I wouldn't stick around.

NotOnTheBeach Sat 05-Jan-13 15:35:51

These calendars are stiill commonplace in many workplaces.

Pathetic and immature, but I am surprised that people are surprised by it.

TheProvincialLady Sat 05-Jan-13 15:44:47

I think you'll find that racism, homophobia, xenopobia and the rest are also pretty commonplace in lots of workplaces, but I don't think it's OK and I wouldn't have sex with a racist homophobe either. Those of you who are happy to sleep with people who think you are fundamentally lesser than them are welcome to, but I'm darned if I would.

NewYearNewNN Sat 05-Jan-13 15:50:06

So where do we stand on this one?

Euphemia Sat 05-Jan-13 15:51:05

Please please refer him to the No More Page 3 campaign.

My DH rants to me about examples of the objectification of women he finds in the media! I can't imagine sharing my life, and raising a daughter, with a sexist prick like that.

Euphemia Sat 05-Jan-13 15:52:55

I am surprised that people are surprised by it.

I am surprised that you are surprised that people are surprised! Most of us work in the 21st century, not 1973.

Chunkymumma Sat 05-Jan-13 15:56:06

He sounds a prat, YANBU!
However, the majority of men like to look at tits. Those who say they don't are either lying or gay.
Please don't let it get to you, men are just idiots sometimes. Get yourself a calendar full of big cocks. If he complains just say, well girls will be girls!

Euphemia Sat 05-Jan-13 15:58:20

There's nothing wrong with liking tits, it's just not suitable in the workplace.

dashoflime Sat 05-Jan-13 15:59:58

Is anyone else wondering why this calender was delivered to your house (not the workplace-if thats where its for?)

Do you think he's done this deliberately to make you feel uncomfortable?

Chunkymumma Sat 05-Jan-13 16:01:45

Didn't say it was did I? But the OP is upset her DH is looking at them. I doubt she cares about them being in the workplace, she'd be upset if he was at home reading Nuts magazine. It's the fact he's looking at other women's bodies. I don't agree with it anyway, but it's just a fact of life. Men like tits!

Andro Sat 05-Jan-13 16:03:46

These 'lovely' calendars used to make a regular appearance where I work (and being management it was my job to deal with it even though I really couldn't care less). I got fed up of the 'hard ass' routine - which invariably failed - so got creative. It was amazing how quickly the glamour calenders were removed when a couple of ultra buff firefighter and rugby player calenders made an appearance. These calender were seemingly 'objectifying men' and 'turning them into sexualised pieces of meat', so I pointed out that the same argument could be made about the girly ones they had! Problem solved within a week...never to reappear (thankfully).

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 05-Jan-13 16:10:38

I like tits. I just don't think that any workplace needs pictures of them.
I hardly think that saying that a workplace should be free of pictures that make more than half the working population uncomfortable to be around (and some men find these type of publicly displayed calendars distasteful too actually) is trying to inflict a "totalitarian regime"!
I once worked at a restaurant where the waitress changing room had pictures of men with huge erect cocks plastered all over it. I didn't much like that either, much as I like a bit of cock.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 16:38:52

Get a gay porn pin-up and hang it behind the toilet door. He'll get a shock when he sits down!

Now thats an idea.

HenryCrun Sun 06-Jan-13 07:46:07

If my DW sees a model or a celeb with huge boobs, she will point them out to me. "Oooh, Henry, you have to have a look at this".

Up until a few days ago DW had a massive cardboard cut-out of Harrison Ford. Was there a problem? No.

I think labelling all male owners of glamour model calendars as misogynist is getting into Andrea Dworkin territory.

Blistory Sun 06-Jan-13 09:52:55

No, it's getting into a territory called respect.

And as for calling it glamour, what a load of tosh. It's ogling a young woman's breasts because you think you're entitled to do so. It's sexist, immature and indefensible. IMO.

Feminine Sun 06-Jan-13 10:08:28

Couldn't care less actually.

They are normally rubbish pictures, women of very average appearance.

They are just pictures of tits. The photographers are mostly women, the 'models' want to do it...they get paid very nicely too!

I think the men are silly for wanting to look at them actually, they are the poor souls being manipulated IMO.

SleepyLittleSunshineGirl Sun 06-Jan-13 11:30:38

Time tip get a sharpie out and draw underwear on the 'models' from Feb onwards. By the time they realise the calendars won't be on sale any more. Job done.

gimmecakeandcandy Sun 06-Jan-13 11:32:40

Get a male hunks calendar - preferably with their cocks hanging out and hang it in your room. Lets see how he likes it!

TheCatIsEatingIt Sun 06-Jan-13 14:28:37

Wouldn't bother me the slightest little bit. A friend buys her husband one every year. Both m/c professionals in their early 40s.

mrsseed Sun 06-Jan-13 14:37:52

Back in late 90's I worked as engineer on construction sites..I became blind to the pictures in the end....but did buy an anne summers calender and pin it up....
got a few comments but generally they accepted that if they were going to have calenders then so was I!

lisa1968 Sun 06-Jan-13 21:52:30

It actually wouldn't bother me in the slightest. It's no different to him looking at page 3 in the sun, or at Pamela Anderson on the TV. And all he's doing is looking-if he ever met one of them in real life, he'd shit himself!!

MrsKeithRichards Sun 06-Jan-13 22:12:49

I had pictures of bottles of tanquary at my old desk.

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