to thiink just for once my family would pretend to give a fuck ?

(80 Posts)
Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:16:33

Name Changed though this in itself might out me .

It's my Birthday yay me & as per usual my Dh , My mum & all siblings just don't bother to even get me a card never mind a present the most ill get is a 'Happy Birthday' on Facebook & that's it & its the same every year , even as a child .
It's not that I want presents its the principal of it .
I'd love to have a night out with friends to celebrate or even have a few friends round but I can't so ill just spend yet another day wishing it would all go away .
I even asked if I could go to my mums tomorrow in hope that any one if them had got me a card but they are all to busy to see me .
The worse part is having to answer my Ds's (4) questions as to why I have no presents it cards .
I feel completely unreasonable for feeling this way & maybe I should just grow up .
AIBU or do I really deserve better confused

LineRunner Sat 05-Jan-13 01:20:18

OP, that's terrible. You need to tell your DH that you will in future be having a card and a nice little present from him and your DS, and don't flinch in the face of moaning.

I don't understand why you can't have a drink with friends?

shesariver Sat 05-Jan-13 01:21:12

But why cant you celebrate with friends and have them round?

LineRunner Sat 05-Jan-13 01:21:21

p.s. as for your mum and siblings, do you bother getting them stuff? I wouldn't, personally.

aprilrain Sat 05-Jan-13 01:21:46

You deserve better.

Have you considered throwing yourself a party? Or organising a birthday outing / night out with one or two close friends?

I hope you have a wonderful day.

Happy birthday!

LineRunner Sat 05-Jan-13 01:21:59

And happy birthday smile

ResolutelyCheeky Sat 05-Jan-13 01:22:21

Well happy birthday from me.

You cannot choose your family so you are pretty much stuck on that one.

You can however choose your dh. If you want to show your ds a good example then maybe start by getting a dh who loves and respects you.

A present to yourself so to speak.

I wish you happier birthdays in the future.

bigpantspam Sat 05-Jan-13 01:25:55

Is there any reason you couldn't arrange to go for drinks/dinner with friends?

How about buying yourself something nice?

My gifts from my husband this Christmas were rather house orientated, so I bought myself a lovely Osprey handbag that I had been eyeing up over the last year.

Also, you could tell them you don't like it this way?

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:30:16

I have nobody willing to watch Ds atm as he is been a handful with not sleeping & been hyperactive , Dh works nights at the weekends & Days through the week so says he has not had time to go anywhere to get me anything .
Would not be fair on friends to invite them round & them have to deal with my adorable uncontrollable Ds that seems to think he is the old guy off Father Ted grin

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:33:09

I gave in telling my Family that its not fair but there is always an excuse Money is tight atm else I would of bought myself something , All I wanted was a card

he has not had time to go anywhere
shock I'm assuming your birthday is on the same day every year?
It doesn't just spring up without warning?

Happy Birthday Kashdogg

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:39:49

Ha Ha that made me laugh 70
It seems I'm generally forgotten with all the Christmas hubbub

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 01:47:33

Also my sisters birthday yesterday, she'd kick her husbands arse if he didnt get her anything, but then this man spent an absolute fortune on her for christmas.

Although, my older siblings and i dont really celebrate each others birthdays, we celebrate our little sisters though.

Damash12 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:48:54

Ahh bless you and happy birthday. Yanbu, personally I'd find a tenner ( ask Dh for it) don't justify not having it as money a bit tight at mo or you are just as bad at not putting priority on yourself and if you don't who will? Anyway, nip to supermarket, radox, wine, chocolate, candle & book. Tell Dh he needs to up from 5pm (or do it in his days shift) when he come home, he looks after son while you run a bath and sit in it undisturbed for as long as it takes to feel a little less stressed and a bit more pampered!

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:56:39

Thanks Damash sounds like a good idea

Longdistance Sat 05-Jan-13 02:02:02

Doesn't a card in the Card Factory cost something like 79p confused

That's really tight of them sad

Happy Birthday Kashdogg82 thanks wine chin, chin.

Bloody miserable lot not even sending a card.
We live so far that I usually only get a couple of cards, so I make myself a big cake and light candles and let Dd blow them out, she loves it.
You could post a pick of the cake on facebook saying "Happy Birthday to me", they'll all wonder why you didn't invite them to the party.

noblegiraffe Sat 05-Jan-13 07:01:29

Happy birthday! Tell your DH that amazon deliver and even wrap presents so his unable to get to the shops excuse won't wash.
Definitely treat yourself today.

CSIJanner Sat 05-Jan-13 07:10:54

Well happy birthday from this house - we all understand the lack of sleep and handful here. Agree with Damash and Noble.

And I really do hope that your family raises that money's going to be a bit tight on their birthdays as well? Not the kids but you see what I man. Make them stew then give them a card factory card.

TuftyFinch Sat 05-Jan-13 07:17:54

Happy Birthday.

PrincessFiorimonde Sat 05-Jan-13 07:27:05

Happy birthday, Kashdogg.

Hope you take up Damash's idea.

cozietoesie Sat 05-Jan-13 07:27:51

Happy Birthday, Kashdogg.


Happy birthday. My birthday is the 10th and my birthday is always always always a damp squib. I do get cards but as a child i'd get a tenner in a card which would hastily be borrowed off me as money was tight after.

My dh will have got me something but it'll be small cos xmas means he'll have run out of ideas and it wont be small like makeup more like a biscuit barrel! His is in june and so he always has some gathering in the garden and i go mad spoiling him.

Theres been quite a few threads about xmas/jan birthdays of late and i must admit it really gets my goat "well its so soon after xmas, money is tight/we're all partied out/ran out of ideas/your bound to have had loads for xmas". And thats me sounding ungrateful cos i do get something.

I think you should ignore all their birthdays even those in the height of summer and just mutter "oh i know but well, xmas really hit me hard you know how it is". Grrrrrrr happy birthday

PM me your address, I'll send you a card! Happy birthday!

pigletmania Sat 05-Jan-13 07:33:46

Oh I feel your pain. I would at laeast expect something from dh, you have to tell him that you would like something for your birthday or plan a nice day out. In the future when your ds gets bigger and can be left plan a nice night out with friends

pigletmania Sat 05-Jan-13 07:35:05

Happy birthday krashdog, have some wine and flowers from me

Loveweekends10 Sat 05-Jan-13 08:21:09

How old are you ? 7 I'm sorry but I personally think that adults getting hung up because family forget their birthday should go into room 101.
I expect DH and kids to remember any other cards I get are a bonus. For the big birthdays myself and fiends get together but really move on you are not a kid anymore so reduce your expectations as there are more important things to be worrying about.

TuftyFinch Sat 05-Jan-13 08:23:24

Did you actually read the OP loveweekends? She doesn't get any cards. From anyone.

Euphemia Sat 05-Jan-13 08:25:43

Happy Birthday!

I think it's rotten of your family not to give you anything. Make sure you reciprocate when it's their turn. smile

Gumby Sat 05-Jan-13 08:27:45

Email your dh moonpigs web address

Lazy arse

pigletmania Sat 05-Jan-13 08:28:27

Love weekends just ecause you are an adult des not mean birthdays stop being important and a cause of celebration. Op got nothing no cards resents from her dh family or friends

AppleOgies Sat 05-Jan-13 08:31:49

I would be upset if my DH didn't acknowledge my birthday. My in laws don't buy each other birthday or Christmas presents. I find it very odd. Your partner should buy you a gift to celebrate the occasion of your birthday, irrespective of your age.

Happy birthday OP! Can I suggest you go out for the day by yourself and have a 'personal day' - buy yourself something nice, have a nice long sit in a cafe with coffee, cake and a book!

Snog Sat 05-Jan-13 08:33:41

You can't control your family but your dh is out of order. He has a year's notice for your birthday and could shop online if he wanted to.

Let him know it is a big deal for you. Why not plan a day out with friends next week when ds is at school?

Euphemia Sat 05-Jan-13 08:36:09

I couldn't care less if no-one got me a present, but I'd be very upset not to even get a card.

I'm upset on DH's behalf that he didn't get a birthday card from his mum last year (Christmas Eve). She's not been well but really, could she not get a neighbour to buy a card, or ask me?! Poor sod opened cards from me, DD, my parents and one of my friends, and that was it!

Lovecat Sat 05-Jan-13 08:46:19

I'd be really peeved about this.

Since marrying into DH's extended clan, I have post-Christmas birthdays to deal with of:

27th Dec
28th Dec
31st Dec
3rd Jan
5th Jan
14th Jan

EVERYONE gets a card and a present. It's mean to do otherwise even though it's a pain in the neck - as 70 said, it's not like the date takes you by surprise every year, is it?

Happy Birthday Kashdogg smile

witchface Sat 05-Jan-13 10:07:36

My DHs birthdat is 31st dec and i usually pool his birthday and christmas to get him one thing he wouldnt get otherwise (ie this year a v expensive camera) but he still got a card and small present from both me and dd.

People saying you're an adult dont expect anything are bullshitters. Your dh has a big deal made over his birthday in the summer and you get ... I didnt have time. He's telling you, you are not important and he is. If he didn't care about his birthday then that might be different but he obviously does.

MerryChristmasEverybody Sat 05-Jan-13 10:09:24

Are your siblings treated the same way?

Happy Birthday!!

MairyHinge Sat 05-Jan-13 10:17:55

Outrageous!!! My birthday is jan 1st, bloody hate it, because you get..
" I'm skint, Xmas cleared me out"
" I can't afford to celebrate, Xmas cleared me out"
" wow, New Year's Day! You must live having your birthday so near to Xmas?"
Er, no, I bloody hate it.
First few years me & hubby were together he wouldn't bother, til one year I cried so much he KNEW from then on, that he had to attempt to make the day special.

Now it's ok, I get a few cards, my freinds are lovely and buy me some little gifts, and my hubby & kids spoil me, but I've had to train him/them to do it!

I always make birthdays special for my family & friends, no excuses. It's the same date every yer so get prepared is what I think.
My hubby's is 15th December which I envy because everyone wants to go out & celebrate then, s it's near Xmas, but by NYD everyone is skint, fed up, miserable M&D counting the costs.

Get training you oh, tell him it's unacceptable to have you feeling like this on your birthday.


Crikeyblimey Sat 05-Jan-13 10:21:06

Happy Birthday Kashdogg.

It is my sister's birthday today and mine on 27th Dec. It is hard and people do seem to think that as we've just had Christmas, we shouldn't need to be bothered but we are. As everyone should be. Luckily, our family know this and appropriate efforts are made (cards, small gifts etc.)

I hope you manage to have a lovely day (even though you'll have to engineer it yourself). Take the advice above and get yourself some nice bath stuff and hide away for a bit.

trikken Sat 05-Jan-13 11:20:28

Even if he has no time to go anywhere there is always time for moonpig.

SarahWarahWoo Sat 05-Jan-13 11:29:05

Happy Birthday! Invite your friends around, they wont mind your DS running about and it will make you feel better.

SugarplumMary Sat 05-Jan-13 11:29:53

The worse part is having to answer my Ds's (4) questions as to why I have no presents it cards .

happy birthday - year I had this DC asking questions was what upset me the most.

Year later I bought myself presents for them to give me - wasn't nessary as DH got his act togther.

Could you take your DC out shopping with you today ? Or take them out for a meal with them - even if is no where fancy?

SugarplumMary Sat 05-Jan-13 11:31:52

On -line shopping with them having them sit next to you and choose?- as I've just read you are ill still.

Take-out possible?

The worse part is having to answer my Ds's (4) questions as to why I have no presents it cards.

Tell your DS to ask his daddy why he didn't get mummy a present and card.

peaceandlovebunny Sat 05-Jan-13 11:42:31

happy birthday!

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 11:57:28

Thanks everybody & I'm 25 today.
Loveweekends I think you should read my first post properly before posting & better still don't post at all !

sleepsforwimps2010 Sat 05-Jan-13 14:15:40

id really be sulking now if i didnt even get a card!!
id have to send a blanket text to all of the family (who expect their birthdays to be recognised) 'thanks for the birthdaycard. oh no wait sorry you didnt bother.... oh well another year with no cards for me, thanks anyway Xx'

happy birthday op! now go give them hell!

thegreylady Sat 05-Jan-13 14:55:24

Happy Birthday

KenLeeeeeee Sat 05-Jan-13 15:01:31

Happy birthday, Kashdogg! thanks and wine to you from the KL household.

My DH has sometimes been a bit flaky about my birthday (July so no Christmas excuse!) until the dc started nagging him about it. Last year I finally felt spoiled. I suggest your dc ask their dad about your birthday presents too.

DontmindifIdo Sat 05-Jan-13 15:01:35

OP - it's not acceptable of your DH. I think it's time for a full scale meltdown. Proper sobs and snotty mess he'll not easily forget. Save them just for moments like this. He could have bought something before christmas, that's what I do for friends who have early January birthdays. He decided your birthday wasn't worth remembering, and obviously it's ok to forget it because you don't make a fuss.

He doesn't care enough to even get you a card? To book a day's holiday so he can take you out or watch DS so you can go out?

Really, that's so shit. Nothing for anyone else's birthday from now on, and say it's because you thought we weren't bothering with birthdays anymore.

TheProvincialLady Sat 05-Jan-13 15:09:59

From now on, put EXACTLY the same amount of effort into everyone else's birthday that they put into yours (with the exception of your son of course). If anyone comments, say that you liked your present so much you decided to get them the same.

Is your husband normally so lazy, uncaring and disrespectful of you? I ask because if you were brought up by a family like yours, you may have come to take it for granted that you are entitled to less in life than other people and settled down with someone like them. If that is the case, please please consider counselling or at least work on your self esteem so that you know that you are worth much more.

Happy birthday from me and my family x

TameGaloot Sat 05-Jan-13 15:21:07

Happy birthday thanks

My birthday is this week too. I had a little tantrum a few years ago so now my dh makes an effort wen if its a cheap one. I haven't had a present from him the last few years as money is right (he was made redundant on my bd two years ago for example) but he will cook my favourite dinner or take the day off.
Your dh sounds like a selfish arse

TameGaloot Sat 05-Jan-13 15:22:25

*when, tight etc (please read as meant)

HappyNewHissy Sat 05-Jan-13 15:24:50

DS birthday is 11 days before Christmas.

Whether birthday is a week before, or a week after it's so Pissing easy that tbh there's no excuse to forget or not bother.

You just buy loads of stuff and divide it in 2 piles. You buy a card, wrapping paper and that is it.

Rocket Science clearly.

GET ANGRY with your family, and refuse to acknowledge ANY of their celebrations in future.

Fuck em!

Nancy66 Sat 05-Jan-13 15:25:37

Happy birthday from me.

Can you at least get yourself a nice bottle of wine and something lovely to eat?

LineRunner Sat 05-Jan-13 15:29:20

OP, the other thing you can do with your DS is sit down with him, a piece of paper and some crayons and help him make you a birthday card.

Ideally your DH should be doing this, but mine never did either so I did it myself with the DCs and they enjoyed it, and when they were old enough carried on the tradition on their own.

(They certainly don't do it for their father.)

I love home-made cards and their personal messages.

cocoachannel Sat 05-Jan-13 15:32:31

Happy birthday!

SantasENormaSnob Sat 05-Jan-13 15:34:00

Yanbu at all sad

I cannot comprehend dh and my family not getting me even a card.

I wouldn't be getting cards or gifts for any of them ever again.

Happy Birthday!!

Don't ever get anyone anything ever again. Spend the money you would've spent on them on yourself.
Especially don't get your OH anything. It takes 10 minutes to order a bunch of flowers online. No excuse.

5inabed Sat 05-Jan-13 15:40:49

That's so sad! No wonder you're upset I think most people would be. We have lotsof birthdays near christmas and all are acknowledged. I have my son, nephew and fil in November then my db in December christmas then dd1 on 27th and my niece, dd2 and my mum in Jan. You just plan ahead or use the sales.
Presumably your Dh has a day off at some point get him nothing for his bday and see how hw likes it.

DeltaUniformDeltaEcho Sat 05-Jan-13 15:41:09

Happy birthday!

My DD's birthday is on the 2nd and she gets the "too skint after christmas" thing from my family too sad

I just add her birthday stuff onto my christmas list and end up splitting the gifts for each event - usually more for her birthday to balance out the lack from others.

It's also hard to arrange things like lunch out because no one can afford it.

I hope she finds a partner who will do a better job of remembering her birthday!

Callycat Sat 05-Jan-13 17:25:53

Miserable buggers! My friend has a birthday in the first week of January, and thanks to the post-Christmas sales I can always get her something far better than I can usually afford. No excuse!

Loveweekends10 Sat 05-Jan-13 17:53:06

Sorry. Didn't compute that your husband actually didn't even get you a card.
I wouldn't be married to someone like that. That's absolutely out of order.

My birthday is in January so I get used to people being skint blah blah but your husband forgetting!! I'm afraid maybe it's telling you something. Ball them out and maybe they will respect you more.

Foggles Sat 05-Jan-13 18:09:25

Ooh, I wish there was a way you could safely let us all know your address and I bet you'd get an avalanche of cards.

There is simply NO EXCUSE. Even if everybody was completely broke - what's wrong with making something?

I'm really shocked that you said you were treated the same "even as a child".

You are worth more than this.

Happy Birthday thanks

LadyPeterWimsey Sat 05-Jan-13 18:18:11

I don't get this 'too skint after Christmas' excuse. Dd's birthday has just gone and she gets great presents because everything is reduced in the sales.

LadyPeterWimsey Sat 05-Jan-13 18:18:39

Oh, and Happy Birthday!

mantlepiece Sat 05-Jan-13 18:21:45

I think all you people with birthdays around Christmas should do what the queen does, choose another date as your official one.say six months time when its bound to be sunny!!

Or do like the Greeks do and celebrate your name day... supposing you can spot a saint with a similar name to you!

Mia4 Sat 05-Jan-13 18:22:53

YANBU. I hope you don't get or give them anything either, if you do stop doing it right now.

mantlepiece Sat 05-Jan-13 18:23:25

Sorry I forgot! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Mia4 Sat 05-Jan-13 18:26:14

Oh and happy birthday OP, you should arrange to meet your friends tonight and you 'DH' should bloody well be taking care of your DS since he can't be arsed to do anything else.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sat 05-Jan-13 18:29:46

OP, that's really awful. I've got two birthdays to buy for close after Christmas, one on 27th Dec and one today. I bought their presents and cards when I bought their Xmas presents. There really is no excuse. I think you need to make a fuss about it and let everyone know in no uncertain terms that you're upset not to get so much as a card and it's not acceptable. There's a widely held view that people treat you the way you allow them to. To me it seems to be indicative of how much these people think of you. Have you ever said to them how upsetting you find it to be dismissed so easily? Tell them it's not acceptable and there's really no excuse to ignore your birthday.

Don't buy then anything for their birthdays either, the selfish fuckers. Then they can see how it feels.

Happy birthday! thanks wine

Miserable buggers!

Very odd that your mother doesn't bother aswell.
I hope you don't rush around bothering for them when it's their turn or do they expect something??

If they do i'd be tempted to post something passive aggressive like:
I'd like to thank my mother and my family for yet again making this a Birthday to remember. Thanks for the cards. I didn't expect any gifts but an acknowledgement via post instead of Facebook might have made it feel like a day different to all the rest.

Childish? Hell yes. But they'd get the point.

And Happy Birthday! wine

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 18:46:32

Thanks everybody feels good to put it in to words smile
My Dh didn't forget , he works split shifts 7 days a week & atm can't take anytime off , So says he didn't have time to get a card or anything & doesn't use the internet for some unfathomable reason .
My Ds made me a load of cards & gave me a jigsaw that I gave him for Christmas and 50p grin & went mad at his Dad saying I should have lots of presents & cards .
My mum Doesn't like getting presents herself & has never really been in to the whole 'birthday' thing sad
Thanks everybody it means a lot

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 18:47:54

bringback I did that last year & didn't get a response from it so just kinda gave up

My dh has a sister like that. Everyone just seems to accept she doesn't do cards or pressies, ever. (Dh says on the odd occasion she did buy pressies when he was younger they would be deliberately crap for comedy value!)

Maybe arrange something with just you and Dh etc when he isn't working. Cinema or takeaway?

And next year plan ahead. Make sure you get a treat on the day.

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Sat 05-Jan-13 19:37:53

My dh's birthday is 2 days after Xmas but I always make sure I have got cards for him from me and the dc's well in advance. I also make sure that he has presents to open too. He had some crappy birthdays as a child so I like to think we make them a bit better as an adult.

QOD Sat 05-Jan-13 19:46:50

Are you in south east Kent per chance? I'm going to a roller disco soon for my friends birthday, you can come too!!
We're 14 44

Kashdogg82 Sat 05-Jan-13 20:10:58

Thanks qod but I'm up on the North Coast

I don't think your DH has any excuse. Your birthday is on the same day every year, so when he did have time off, he could have bought something a month, 2 months in advance, it just takes a little planning.

Him saying he won't use the internet is, IMO, him saying he doesn't really care enough to bother, even if he can't get time off.

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