to think this is not a present..

(55 Posts)
mamamibbo Thu 03-Jan-13 21:05:00

its a 'big' birthday mid january, ive been after a tablet for ages, dh didnt get me a xmas present because i was getting a big birthday present ..

hes just told me i can upgrade my phone contract in february and get a tablet as the free gift in that with my new phone (that'll probably sell since i like my phone) and hes going to do the same so we can both have tablet and the laptop can be for my business (that was my idea, we only have one computer and i need it at night when he wants to use it sometimes)

so now im getting what i asked for, 3 weeks late so thats my present sorted?

what do you reckon?

JeezyOrangePips Thu 03-Jan-13 21:08:04

If he is getting one too is that his birthday present?

JeezyOrangePips Thu 03-Jan-13 21:08:56

Actually make that his birthday plus Xmas 2013...

mamamibbo Thu 03-Jan-13 21:09:28

his birthday is in october, i bought him a sat nav from me and a greenhouse from the kids

mamamibbo Thu 03-Jan-13 21:10:08

and i bought him £90 of football stuff from xmas from us all

CloudsAndTrees Thu 03-Jan-13 21:10:39

Do you have to pay any extra on your contract to get the tablet and new phone, and is he going to pay it?

Personally, I wouldn't consider an upgrade a birthday present unless it was costing a lot to get a new phone I really wanted. Especially if my DH was getting the same and would then expect a birthday present later in the year.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 03-Jan-13 21:11:44

And he owes you a separate Christmas present if your birthday present is going to be a freebie.

KirstyJC Thu 03-Jan-13 21:12:03

Tightarse! No way a freebie you have to apply for yourself is a present (and presumably you have to pay more for if it's an upgrade?)

Laugh at him, and then say "Very funny - I can't wait to see what you have ACTUALLY got me now, given that this is so obviously taking the piss....."

No way this counts as a present!

mamamibbo Thu 03-Jan-13 21:12:07

nope, itthe exact same price as the contract i have now and all bills are paid from the family pot

itsmineitsmine Thu 03-Jan-13 21:12:37

We share finances in this house and have no separate money so i dont really 'get' the idea of spending money and saying something is from one person for birthday, christmas or whatever.

JeezyOrangePips Thu 03-Jan-13 21:12:51

You are missing my point. If he thinks that's a birthday plus Xmas gift for you, it should have the same value for him. So you don't need to buy him a gift till October 2014 in that case.

See what he thinks of that idea.

No I wouldn't count an upgrade as a birthday present unless it's going to cost a lot more and he's going to pay for it.
Also hmm about him getting a tablet on your birthday too.
Maybe he has other plans?

Arisbottle Thu 03-Jan-13 21:13:06

You wanted a tablet and you are getting one , can't see the problem

poozlepants Thu 03-Jan-13 21:16:46

Fair enough if it's a good deal on the tablets and it's the one you want but it's not a proper present.

HoneyDragon Thu 03-Jan-13 21:16:59

I got a upgraded phone for my birthday. But as I hammerd down our bill two years ago it meant an increase which dh is paying for.

I'd be a peed off if dh got himself a tablet too and didn't at least get a token gift.

HollaAtMeBaby Thu 03-Jan-13 21:18:11

Great! Now that you're getting the tablet free, what do you want for your combined big birthday and Christmas present? Better give your DH as much notic as possible grin

HollyBerryBush Thu 03-Jan-13 21:19:16

I wouldnt have an issue with that - but I am penny wise and pound concious - I do not see the point of spending money and lining corporate pockets if things can be acquired more cheaply by biding your time.

redskyatnight Thu 03-Jan-13 21:22:50

Depends how big a deal you set by presents. I'd be perfectly happy with his suggestion - sounds sensible and saves (your family) money.

happynewmind Thu 03-Jan-13 21:25:09

Its great you can get the tablet free.

But he owes you a birthday present and a Christmas one seeing the tablet will be free.

Did he even get you a token present at Christmas?

Startail Thu 03-Jan-13 21:26:15

Shared finances here so seems fine to me.
And I know a nice restaurant to spend the money saved in.

mamamibbo Thu 03-Jan-13 21:27:22

i got nothing, not even a box of chocs sad

StupidFlanders Thu 03-Jan-13 21:28:24

That would piss me off. I would expect an Xmas present as an absolute minimum.
I would point out that he was actually spending nothing on Xmas and bday and you're not even keeping the new phone!
Normally I'd be fine with it of we had discussed not giving presents/ spending money but he implied he was saving for something big!

HoneyDragon Thu 03-Jan-13 21:52:14

See if I have stated no presents I am fine with no presents.

If I need something and it is to be a present it should be given as a present.

I am frugal too and would much prefer to get the tablet this way, but I would expect my dh to think "fuck, that's a bit unair on HD as I'm getting one too and she got no Xmas gift" and come up with something, nothing expensive, but something.

I don't expect gifts and when we can't afford them we don't do them, but I think your dh is being a bit lazy on this one.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 03-Jan-13 21:57:26

I don't see why you're assuming this is your gift, unless he said so.

The laziness/thoughtlessness would bother me. How would he feel if you'd done this to him?

I'm assuming you have family finances, and then you both have money you spend on yourselves/presents from you, etc? If so, tell him that, as you're now getting the tablet for free and that is no longer your joint christmas/birthday present, you'd like a cheque for the amount the tablet would have cost, please. And go shopping grin.

QueenofPlaids Thu 03-Jan-13 22:10:06

I wouldn't have an issue with the upgrade per se, but if I'm reading this correctly it's not costing him anything? Even if he found the deal, that does not IMO a present make.

TiaMariaandEggnog Thu 03-Jan-13 22:38:47

So Dh plans to pay for your upgrade (but in Feb rather than Jan), which will also get you a free tablet - is that right? (presumably you plan on an upgrade that will cost extra, otherwise I'm not seeing where this is a gift?)

SantasENormaSnob Thu 03-Jan-13 22:43:09

I wouldn't be happy.

Not really a gift is it.

Tightarse angry

ImperialBlether Thu 03-Jan-13 22:50:51

He is selfish and mean and entitled.

mamamibbo Sat 05-Jan-13 09:46:19

he wont be payoing anything extra, my contract finishes in feb and i can get a new one, the one ive found is the same price as the one i have now and comes with a free tablet, hes decided to get the same deal so he will get one aswell

hes said thats my birthday sorted then because i will be getting the tablet i wanted

WhateverTrevor Sat 05-Jan-13 09:53:02

Wow what a twat. What are you going to do or say to him?

AnneTwacky Sat 05-Jan-13 09:54:13

No he should get you something else for your birthday and something for Christmas as that doesn't count as a present.

Decide what presents you do want and tell him that as you will be paying for the "free" tablet through your contract, then these are the presents you want for birthday/ Christmas.

If he says no then tell him that his tablet will count as a present for his next birthday/ Christmas 2013 then.

ChrimboFascist Sat 05-Jan-13 09:54:31

Tight and selfish. Show him this thread, why don't you, and let him see what other people have to say about it. I think the real grabbiness is him wanting the same for himself. How much did you spend on him for Christmas and birthday? And he's effectively spending £0 on you. Nice.

Softlysoftly Sat 05-Jan-13 10:08:47

He didn't even find the deal? He's piggybacking yours?!

He has tone joking surely? I'd be saying to him what pp said. "haha hilarious, can't wait to see my real gift"

ElephantsAndMiasmas Sat 05-Jan-13 10:18:10

Yeah I would say that too. Would definitely say "it's so great that we can both get tablets for free, that means you can stretch to x other thing that I need/would like for my birthday".

If he dodges that then definitely say (and stick to) the "well isn't that great we've sorted your present for birthday and Christmas this year" plan.

pictish Sat 05-Jan-13 10:24:34

Well I think he's a mean spirited shit.

It's NOT a present. Yes, you are getting the tablet you wanted so that's fine. What about your birthday present though?

Don't get me wrong - I think adults making a fuss about birthday presents is daft....BUT in this instance, he got his prezzies and expects to renage on yours through some circumstancial happenstance!!

It's not about the present, but about the lack of effort and consideration.

WeAreEternal Sat 05-Jan-13 10:34:56

How can he consider that a birthday gift?

IIWM I would find something I want, that is worth the monitory value of the birthday gifts you bought him AND the missed Christmas present (plus ones from the kids (because he sounds selfish enough not to bother getting something from them either) and tell him that is what you want for your birthday.

And come October wrap his 8 month old tablet and give that to him. See how he likes it

FirstPersonPlural Sat 05-Jan-13 10:35:07

What phone deal are you upgrading to that comes with a free tablet? <nosey and wants a free tablet>

And no, however great a deal it is, that's not a valid xmas/bday pressie! I'd follow Elephant's advice - perfect plan.

FirstPersonPlural Sat 05-Jan-13 10:37:12

Ha ha! Wrapping up his tablet in October - that's brilliant Eternal!

Astelia Sat 05-Jan-13 10:47:16

So DH got sat nav, greenhouse, football stuff and is getting a tablet. You get a tablet. Even ignoring the greenhouse it isn't fair is it? If you weren't bothered then no problem, but you are bothered. So something needs to be done.

I would have a think about something you would like or a show you would like to see or a restaurant you would like to visit and tell DH about it. Don't just fester and be a martyr as this won't solve anything. Be firm and fair- he can't argue with that.

OhlimpPricks Sat 05-Jan-13 10:53:41

You wanted a particular item for your birthday, you will be getting it.
Well done him for saving some money.
By the way you are listing everything you have given him sounds like you have some kind of expectation.
Those who give to receive will always be disappointed.

HeathRobinson Sat 05-Jan-13 10:57:39

So DH got sat nav, greenhouse, football stuff and is getting a tablet. You get a tablet. Even ignoring the greenhouse it isn't fair is it? If you weren't bothered then no problem, but you are bothered. So something needs to be done.

^^ this.

mercibucket Sat 05-Jan-13 11:01:45

oooh you can put it on business account too and put it on tax return!

well, sounds like dh is forgetting what he got for xmas/birthday. just tell him it'll count as his future xmas and bday gifts then too

and get yourself a better present from you to you - i got just what i've always wanted! (this tablet) needless to say dh immediately announced he's thinking of getting an ipad (so 300 quid more than my tablet and not for a birthday). told him where to go and did feel like a game of one upmanship.

ChocHobNob Sat 05-Jan-13 11:02:12

I would be happy to get the tablet and save money! Would be nice if he then gets another present for the day though. Perhaps put the money he was going to spend on the tablet towards a night out for the two of you.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 05-Jan-13 14:57:55

shock What an arse! That's really not on. You'd be getting the tablet anyway with your upgrade, it's not a gift from him. You're right to be upset about it sad, it shows selfishness and not giving a shit.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 15:03:46

He´s being mean.

But I so want a tablet I wouldn´t care tbh!

I also wouldn´t be bothered about another present just because I was getting the tablet for no extra cost.

I´m an adult-pressies don´t bother me every year.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 15:05:08

Sorry that should have been as an adult I´m not bothered about presents every year unless there happens to be somethong I really want.

Which atm is a tablet, but we can´t afford it.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 15:05:41

Or even something-thongs aren´t my thing!

fuzzpig Sat 05-Jan-13 15:06:39

The phrase "tighter than a badger's arse" springs to mind hmm

If this situation arose in our house/phone contracts etc, we'd think "hooray! We get free tablets" and then get each other different gifts (probably cheaper though)

There is no excuse for not even getting you a little box of chocolates though FFS.

I wonder if he was actually ever planning on getting you a tablet at all but then I'm a cynical cow.

OhlimpPricks Sat 05-Jan-13 15:43:51

OP, read some of the replies. Some of the people on here would 'love' a tablet.

Lucky lady, you want something and you are getting it. Is it really such an intrinsic part of the gift, how much was spent on it, and how your DP got it?

He knows you want it, and has thought of a way you can have it, without too much extra expense, thoughtful of saving money for the family as a unit. Would you rather he frittered away money, like some of the DP's on here?

The key to contentment? Wanting what you have, not having what you want.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 16:12:32

TBH, I don´t get the-"I spent so much, & he must also, I bought something & therefore he must"

If the tablet was essentially free, I´d be happy with a meal out.

I can´t spend for the sake of it.

If that makes me a tightarse, so be it!

mercibucket Sat 05-Jan-13 16:33:02

That's such a lame argument, ohlimppricks. Because some other posters can't afford a tablet, the op should be happy she's getting one? We should all be happy we've got food and a roof over our heads and not bother posting about anything else then?

Did other people miss the bit where they're both going to get a tablet? He gets one for being special. She gets one for her joint b'day xmas present.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 16:42:22

But if hes also getting a tablet-that can be his next bday present if OP wishes.

OP-if you want something else-tell him!

Sell the tablet if you don´t want it!

or post it to Germany

fuzzpig Sat 05-Jan-13 16:44:14

He gets one for being special. She gets one for her joint b'day xmas present.

Exactly - she gets one in place of Xmas and birthday presents, he gets one AND birthday and Xmas presents. This is not very fair.

twentythirteen Sat 05-Jan-13 16:45:29

It sounds lazy to me. If you want a tablet and can upgrade soon and get one that way then that seems a perfectly sensible for you to do, but it isn't a present form him.

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