WIBU to use an old ring as my engagement ring?

(47 Posts)
ColourfulSmilies Thu 03-Jan-13 19:25:42

Hi all, I've posted here because it gets more traffic but feel free to move it smile

My DP and I have been together for 14 years, have lived together for 5 years and have no children. My DP has always been more keen to get married than I have but he has finally convined me and we got engaged at new year. We have been together since we were 16 and during our first year together my DP saved up from his weekend job to buy me a diamond ring, it's not flashy but means a lot to me and is in a vintage style which I love.

We have now started talking about choosing an engagment ring but money is tight and I'm not very materialistic however last night I have a brain wave - can't I just move my current ring onto my ring finger?! I like this idea because to me it means using a piece of jewellery that means a lot to me and in a way symbolises how our relationship has evolved.

Problem is DP hates the idea and thinks it makes him look tight and other people I've spoken to about it have pulled this face --> hmm

So really I'm asking, is it such a chessy/bad/tight idea or can other people see my way of thinking?! grin confused

squoosh Thu 03-Jan-13 19:28:46

I think it's a lovely idea and to hell with anyone who pulls a face or makes a comment. There's far too much pressure to have a blingtastic engagement rings these days.

Remember, you'll be the one wearing it so you get to decide.

Oh and, congratulations!

I think it's lovely, especially as he gave it to you in the first place.

By all means let him buy you a new lovely ring for your 'dress ring' finger if he is worried about looking tight wink

Yama Thu 03-Jan-13 19:36:24

Great idea.

I don't wear my engagement ring any more as it's not really me. I should really get round to selling it.

I like the symbolism of the plain band of the wedding ring so I wear that only. Also, it represents parity with dh as this is all he wears.

Wear what you want ColourfulSmilies and to hell with other people's opinions.

squoosh Thu 03-Jan-13 19:37:38

Or he could get you an engagement watch or necklace. It’s funny how lots of people become very conservative when it comes to engagement rings.

Love your idea.

sleepyhead Thu 03-Jan-13 19:38:46

It's a great idea. Definitely do that. smile

nextphase Thu 03-Jan-13 19:40:33

lovely idea. Its what an engagement ring is about - symbolising you and your partners commitment. Its not about a big blingy thing.

ColourfulSmilies Thu 03-Jan-13 19:44:32

Thank you all so much for your replies - so glad that other people can see my way of thinking about it grin

I've said to DP that he can buy me a special ring for an anniversary or something, just need to convince him now smile

Superene Thu 03-Jan-13 19:45:13

Your choice, nobody's business. My engagement ring belonged to dh's great granny. He proposed to me with it, but said I could have a new one of my choice (within reason obv). I tried on loads of new ones but really couldn't find one I preferred so I got a "wedding ring with bling" instead - a new ring that looks lovely with my 1920s engagement ring. Do what feels right, if you love your ring then why not switch hands?

JustFabulous Thu 03-Jan-13 19:46:33

People doing hmm are rude. None of their business. Talk to your fiance about what the ring means to you and why you think it would be really romantic to wear it as an engagement ring. Then let him tell you what he thinks - people who think he is tight are being rude too and really, are you going to live you life being influenced by what other people think? - and then you will have to come to a compromise or one give in to the person who feels the strongest.

Oh, do it!

My friend did this - she had a ring her grandmother had given her, and used it as an engagement ring. It just suited her beautifully and it was special to her, so I think it's lovely.

After all, when you choose an engagement ring, you are trying to find something that will remind you of special memories, and I can't think of anything better than a ring you bought early on in the relationship.

Tell your DP we on MN don't think he's tight!

After all ... there can always be other rings later on, if that's what you choose.

AnnoyingOrange Thu 03-Jan-13 19:52:47

Prince William didn't buy his fiancée a new ring

ColourfulSmilies Thu 03-Jan-13 19:53:23

I also think of all that money that could be used towards the wedding, we don't really want a big wedding so the cost of a ring could go a long way towards our big day smile To be honest, it has only been 2 people who have pulled a face but it was enough to test my judgement, obviously need to be more confident in what I want smile

CloudsAndTrees Thu 03-Jan-13 19:54:05

Tbh, if a friend told me she was doing this, I would think her DB was being tight.

But then my opinion wouldn't matter, your opinion and your DPs opinion is what matters so feel free to ignore me.

Bubblegum78 Thu 03-Jan-13 19:54:21

I like the idea, very sweet but if it upsets him that much....

ColourfulSmilies Thu 03-Jan-13 19:54:31

I also think it's because it's a ring I've already been wearing for 14 years rather than a family heirloom smile

Viviennemary Thu 03-Jan-13 19:56:33

If your DP wants you to have a new ring then I think you should. If you were both happy with it then fine. But your DP wants you to have another ring and I think that is really nice of him.

Curtsey Thu 03-Jan-13 19:57:55

Makes perfect sense to me!

squoosh Thu 03-Jan-13 19:58:21

I really don't think you should wear a new ring you don't really want and can't really afford so as not to 'upset' him. It's your finger!

jamdonut Thu 03-Jan-13 19:59:08

I think that's lovely.
My engagement ring wasn't expensive when we bought it,way back in 1987,(it has a miniscule bit of diamond in it - couldn't afford much), but I love it and I still wear it even though it has lost 3 out of its 6 garnets,which, coincidentally , is the number of children we have!

MrsJollyPostman Thu 03-Jan-13 20:01:29

I don't think it's a bad idea but your dp obviously wants to get you a new one so let him! Congratulations!

Strangemagic Thu 03-Jan-13 20:03:17

Lovely idea,my wedding ring was my mum's.

Hulababy Thu 03-Jan-13 20:03:19

If it makes your DH unhappy then I think you do need to take his thoughts into consideration.

Is there a compromise?

Could you use the ring but he get you a necklace or bracelet as an engagement gift?

Peevish Thu 03-Jan-13 20:07:15

There's something very depressing about being pressured into a ring you don't want - you realise that engagement rings are a really new phenomenon, late 19th c or so? And the idea that they are supposed to be diamond is newer still, and the notion that the man is supposed to spend three months' salary on the ring came from a de Beers advertising campaign, rather than being some Big Tradition? The whole thing comes from heavy marketing from a not particularly pleasant industry, so you should absolutely feel free to ignore it.

I'm married and don't have either an engagement or a wedding ring.

RedHelenB Thu 03-Jan-13 20:08:06

I loved the engagement ring my ex got me - it was the cheapest diamond ring he could get but when you're skint it means the world. To me, jewellery of this kind is all about sentiment not price.

Damash12 Thu 03-Jan-13 20:10:33

I think it's a lovely idea. Why not save the money still for extra special wedding rings. Maybe have one made so it matches the style of your engagement ring. That way both rings mean something.ps congratulations!

I don't have an engagement ring but my wedding ring is a random one that I had anyway. It was picked the night before the wedding from my collection when we realised that we'd picked one for dh but forgotten one for me hastily arranged wedding. I love it, not because it was one dh had spent a fortune on but because every time I look at it I am reminded of our wedding day and him putting it on my finger.smile

Use the one that has existing memories, you won't regret it.

wigglesrock Thu 03-Jan-13 21:08:24

I don't see why not. I haven't worn my engagement ring since I got married - 14 years ago (it wasn't expensive). I'm not really into rings with stones. I still wear the locket he got me when I was 18 - that really is our engagement ring grin.

ConstantCraving Thu 03-Jan-13 21:34:57

Hate the idea of engagement rings - even the term engaged has as all sorts of negative associations, reminds me of loos being 'engaged' - not free for anyone else to use / off the market etc. A bit archaic really.

marriedinwhite Thu 03-Jan-13 21:42:06

I think it's a lovely idea. My engagement ring is quite modest and DH has often said he wants to upgrade it but I simply couldn't and wouldn't. It is too sentimental a thing to change.

nokidshere Thu 03-Jan-13 21:42:24

We didn't get engaged really - we just decided to get married and did so 6 weeks later. DH's mum was quite upset as she had been saving her grandmothers beautiful sapphire and diamond ring for her only child's engagement. She gave it to me and I have worn it every day since the day we got married and it means as much to me now as any other ring would have done.

MushroomSoup Thu 03-Jan-13 21:53:55

What a lovely idea!

MushroomSoup Thu 03-Jan-13 21:55:07

nokidshere that's lovely.

I love this thread!

IAmNotAMindReader Thu 03-Jan-13 22:05:50

That's a really nice idea. you could then spend the money on getting wedding rings designed to fit with the engagement one.

HollyBerryBush Thu 03-Jan-13 22:08:46

Lovely idea ... jsut make sure you get a nice eternity ring after your first baby grin

Sallyingforth Thu 03-Jan-13 22:53:14

In your place that ring would mean so much to me that it would just automatically become my engagement ring. A new ring just wouldn't feel the same.

sashh Fri 04-Jan-13 01:23:35

Lovely idea.

You cold have something done to it if you wated, add a stone or two or have it engraved.

BookieMonster Fri 04-Jan-13 01:39:04

Why don't you take your ring to a jeweller and have them remodel it? You could have some different stones added perhaps, anything you like. That way it would be a lovely joining of old and new promises.

MalibuStac Fri 04-Jan-13 01:41:17

Love this idea as it symbolises how much you meant to him all those years ago and the fact that you've had it all this time has great sentiment to you. Stuff everyone else, maybe get your wedding ring made to suit its design.

Congrats on your engagement.

Tarenath Fri 04-Jan-13 02:53:34

It's a lovely idea. My engagement ring was a family heirloom and to be honest I wouldn't have minded if there had been no ring. Having a ring on my finger didn't make a difference to the relationship. We were committed before we got engaged. All the engagement was really was us deciding that we wanted to get the legally binding piece of paper called a marriage certificate. Sorry, that takes some of the romanticism out of it but that's what it was for us!

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins Fri 04-Jan-13 05:32:17

Congratulations and best wishes! Personally, I love the idea. It is very romantic and has so much behind it, years of true love, from when you two were sweet young things looking forward to...well, to now! Some marriages don't make it as long as you two have been together. How many people can have a ring their dh gave them when they were only 16 years old? Perhaps he can get you an anniversary ring for you1st anniversary, or even 2nd, when you won't have wedding bills to pay?

firemansamisnormansdad Fri 04-Jan-13 07:43:37

Lovely idea - it was a ring he bought you and has meaning for you. Tell DP he can buy you a duamond encrusted wedding ring! When my EX DH and I got married he wouldn't buy me a ring and my wedding band was his dead grandmother's. It wasn't a family heirloom, it was just lying around. I always felt cheated and that he had never bought into the marriage (literally) so when he DID start cheating: end of. But your DP HAS bought you a ring. You know in your heart it's the right thing to do x

Sokmonsta Fri 04-Jan-13 07:56:39

You could get it professionally cleaned. I had mine done for our wedding as it looked tarnished next to my wedding ring. Cost me £25.

I agree with using it as it means so much to you both. I won't change my wedding band as its the one dh put on my finger. We literally walked into a shop the afternoon before our wedding and picked rings which fitted. Mine is dented after nearly 2 years, and its not the one dh would have chosen. But it means the world to me, as does his to him.

ZillionChocolate Fri 04-Jan-13 08:16:51

I think getting it professionally cleaned is a good idea. I have a white gold and diamond engagement ring and get it cleaned and re-coated every couple of years - it makes it really sparkly and like new. It was cheap to have it done in the jewellery quarter in Birmingham.

springlamb Fri 04-Jan-13 08:30:25

You could always have something soppy, or even just you and DP's initials, engraved inside the existing ring to kind of 'relaunch' it. Put it into the jewellers for a professional clean and tidy up, then put it back on in a couple of weeks. Or maybe have a matching wedding/engagement ring set and change them on your wedding day.
I had a tiny skinny 'diamond and sapphire' hoop originally. I think it was about £40 from Argos in the mid-80s. Since then I also have a 1 carat eternity ring and a 'replacement' 0.75 carat engagement ring.
But nothing replaces the nervous, slightly embarrassed 'rabbit in the headlights' look on his face when he presented me with the Argos special. (And the Argos special is so much easier to wear.)
He's never replaced my 4mm Argos wedding ring though.

MsPickle Fri 04-Jan-13 08:34:57

I love my engagement ring still, not least because we chose it together and now dh loved buying it for me. The main reason is that I love dh and my rings are s reminder that we're married because we love each other. I think your idea is lovely, not least because it shows you're in if for a marriage, not just a wedding.

And I suspect you'll have space somewhere on a finger for a gorgeous eternity ring...

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