To be upset by this

(68 Posts)
milf90 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:22:32

Oh and I have been together 3 years this year, have lo (17 months) together and we have just bought our first house together. A few weeks ago I walked in on oh and friend talking about us getting engaged - oh said it wouldn't be long. Neither of them knew I overheard this. I was so excited, I have been looking forward to this pretty much for the last 2 years ;)

That weekend sil announced she had gotten engaged. I was so happy for her, she has been with df 7 years and we thought he was never going to ask.

Fil popped round the next day and asked if we knew and then said "well you 2 won't be able to get married until after they are married now" my heart broke a bit tbh, it had gone through my mind that that might be the case (I don't want to step on any bodies toes!) but then reasonably, it doesn't matter does it really? As long as we don't book it on the same day?! She was planning a long engagement at first too, which made it worse, but now she's decided on spring 14. (I had in my head summer 14 depending on if he proposes of course!)

Mil keeps asking me if I want a joint wedding, which I find quite funny since oh hasn't proposed!

I'm just a bit heartbroken i guess, I had gotten all excited in my head about it, mentally planning it, I worked out that financially we could afford it by the end of this year (sil is in loads of debt and would be borrowing more to pay for it!!), we want another lo after we are married (not before!) and don't want a huge age gap, 3 years we decided was optimum, so timing would be nearly perfect if we Ttc after wedding.

Am I a complete bitch for feeling so upset (and jealous!) about this? I honestly wish her all the luck and happiness in the world but I find it so upsetting that 1. I feel my dreams are being shattered and 2. Frustrated that we are being sensible and she isn't

We were also talking about weddings over Xmas and fil again reiterated his point that we would have to wait and save up first (tell that to bloody sil ;)) and that would take ages - I said actually it wouldn't because we want to cost cut as much as poss because neither of us want to spend a lot of money when we have a lo and want to get a bigger house in the next 5 years. My dream wedding would be around 6 grand (short notice all inclusive) - fil said where's this then, so I told him and mows he's bloody gone and told sil!!! Is it me or is this just a horrible thing to do?? I literally could cry!!!!

Isityouorme Wed 02-Jan-13 19:27:38

As long as you don't have the wedding in the same month, so what? I am assuming your PIL aren't paying so it as nothing to do with them when the date is. One wedding in spring and one in summer is fine. Not really sure what the problem is....

kinkyfuckery Wed 02-Jan-13 19:28:57

Your FIL telling your SIL about your wedding plans is U, but you shouldn't really be discussing them much if you've no engagement as yet.

YABabitU, IMO. Your SIL getting married shouldn't effect your plans at all. Sounds like it's likely to all go a bit Bridezilla

thebody Wed 02-Jan-13 19:30:23

Bit confused here. Have you or your oh proposed? If he hasn't and you want to then why don't you propose to him?

Its none of your relatives business when you marry unless you are expecting them to pay for it.

Ignore fil and talk to oh. Set date and then let everyone know.

You sound like a straw in the wind. Tell them to butt out.

BOFingResolutions Wed 02-Jan-13 19:31:27

How have your dreams been shattered? I'm confused. Just do what you like and stop gossiping about it with your biddy of a FIL.

littlewhitebag Wed 02-Jan-13 19:31:59

But your OH hasn't even proposed yet! Bide your time and be happy for your SIL. You will hopefully get your dream wedding in due course. Surely it doesn't matter who knows where you would like to have your wedding.

BOFingResolutions Wed 02-Jan-13 19:34:19

Oh, and about the 'proposal'? That ship has sailed now you've got a kid and a mortgage: you just discuss it TOGETHER like adults in charge of your own life. This isn't 1954, and you ain't Rapunzel.

I think if you were a bit more realistic and less reliant on the whims of others about all this, you'd be a lot happier.

Sorry but you do sound a little bit Bridezilla before you are even engaged. I think you are focussing an awful lot on what is essentially one day of your life.

RyleDup Wed 02-Jan-13 19:37:14


milf90 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:37:49

The issue is she is looking into having her wedding there now, the place means nothing to her but its where I wanted to get married since I was little and we are very lucky that they have deals so that we can consider being able to afford it.

The timing is my question too? Is it wrong (if oh proposes) to have one so close together. I wouldn't expect any money from pil, but I think they feel they have to because they are giving sil lots of money towards it. Oh has already told mil that we don't want any money from them.

I know it sounds out but we do talk about getting married. Mil wants us to get married so she keeps bringing up when she can.

I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, I think I needed to rant and get it out of my system more than anything.

DonderandBlitzen Wed 02-Jan-13 19:38:02

The fact that your SIL might get into debt by getting married and you are sensible with money is irrelevant, but I don't see why your SIL getting married means you need to change your plans at all. Your FIL sounds a bit too involved in your potential wedding when your dp hasn't yet proposed. He needs to keep his beak out. There is no reason why you shouldn't get married in Summer 2014 if you want to. Why not raise the subject with your dp. It doesn't have to be only the man who gets to decide when you marry.

milf90 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:38:55

Oh wants to propose his way, there's no talking about it or me doing it

ZebraInHiding Wed 02-Jan-13 19:40:11

Why are you discussing wedding plans with the il's if you aren't even engaged? confused

BOFingResolutions Wed 02-Jan-13 19:40:44

If you already discuss marriage and know where/how you want to do it, why don't you just book the bloody thing? And why are you letting his parents have so much to do with how you run your own life? I don't get it.

gordyslovesheep Wed 02-Jan-13 19:42:15

blimey - you aren't engaged yet and already you are bridezillaing - grip needed x

DonderandBlitzen Wed 02-Jan-13 19:42:40

Ah. I hadn't realised your FIL would be making payments for the weddings. He's probably worried whether he can afford both. Just make the announcement and reassure him that you will be paying for it. (He could always help towards the cost of your new house later on if he wanted things to be equal.) Did your SIL know you would want to get married in the same place she has chosen or was it a coincidence?

Snazzynewyear Wed 02-Jan-13 19:44:04

Since you and your partner seem to have decided you are getting married and where it fits in the rest of your life plans, why not just go ahead and agree you're engaged and set the date? Being engaged is actually about deciding you are definitely going to get married - it's not just about having the ring! Go and talk to him right now and sort it out. If it's important to you, he can kneel down and propose right now in the living room, but to keep dragging it out seems daft.

Once that's out of the way, you can decide all the other arrangements. You get to decide where and when you get married and how much you spend (certinly if you're funding it yourselves), not your in-laws or anyone else. Oh, and there's no law saying couples have to get married in date order from when they get engaged. Just pick the time that works for you.

The bonus of all this is that once it's decided, it doesn't matter who else knows what your plans are or who they tell. It's about your actual arrangements and yours and your partner's wishes, as it should be.

DonderandBlitzen Wed 02-Jan-13 19:44:34

"Oh wants to propose his way, there's no talking about it or me doing it "

Well tell him he had better get a move on then or you may start considering other offers. wink

splintersinmebum Wed 02-Jan-13 19:45:57

Eh? OH wants to propose "his way" and refuses to discuss it?

Snazzynewyear Wed 02-Jan-13 19:46:30

Have just read your later post. In that case, you are basically accepting that you have no power over organising the details of this event that is very important to you, and that this is already making you anxious and unhappy. I think a chat with your partner is in order to make your feelings clear. What exactly is he waiting for?

DonderandBlitzen Wed 02-Jan-13 19:47:41

I wouldn't delay ttc until after you are married in the hope of having a 3 year gap if i were you. You don't know how long it will take to get pregnant and the wedding could end up taking place later than you thought, which could delay the start of ttc.

mrscog Wed 02-Jan-13 19:50:28

YANBU to feel upset about your venue being looked at, but SIL may not choose it anyway.

I don't see why you have to have your wedding after hers - as long as they're not so close that things overlap just have your wedding whenever you want it!

Proudnscaryvirginmary Wed 02-Jan-13 19:50:34

God I really don't get this waiting for the bloke to propose when you both know he's going to do it! It's like those women who say 'we're getting engaged next year' WTAF?

And It seems to be a family obsessed with weddings.

We got married two weeks before my cousin and no-one batted an eye lid. They got engaged first shockshockshock

BOFingResolutions Wed 02-Jan-13 19:52:15

Eh? I wouldn't plan any more babies with someone who wants to make you sit up and bloody beg for the treat of an engagement ring! How ridiculous.

floweryblue Wed 02-Jan-13 19:57:25

So, OH is planning to propose but hasn't proposed the way he wants to yet, SIL is excited about her wedding and listening to great ideas being talked about in the family, FIL is talking through somewhere other than his mouth, you are in a financial position to get married when and how you want to. Not sure what the problem is?

Is there any chance you or OH could talk to SIL and explain the importance of your preferred venue to you? I am sure she would understand why you would prefer not to have the same venue (assuming it's not the family church or anything).

milf90 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:58:10

Yes he's being an awkward bugger, can u see where some of my frustration is from? He also has the rule that we can't get engaged unless we can do it within the year as he hates long engagements - I told him its not about that :/

After we bought the house, we went out for a meal and discussed getting married this year in August - if we can't afford the whole shebang we would literally just get married there and that's it - after all its about the marriage and commitment not the day - but of course this hasn't been mentioned since and I'm too scared to bring it up.

Should also mention that my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer and was told he is unlikely to make it to 5 years (his prognosis is better now) and both my grandad have been diagnosed with cancer is 2012 also. I really want them to see me getting married and I want my dad to walk me down the aisle (I'm welling up writing this!) but I don't want to say this to oh as it would be emotional blackmail.

I guess I'm just so frustrated, I have been ready for ages, why doesn't he want to marry me?

Sorry for drip feeding, I'm all mixed up.

3smellysocks Wed 02-Jan-13 19:58:43

You really shouldn't have discussed it with your FIL.

Why don't you propose to DH and quickly book your wedding in the location you want. It's your lifelong dream and you mustn't change your plans. Tell him you want o be wed this year.

IceNoSlice Wed 02-Jan-13 19:59:16

Seems to me, to get what you want (ie your choice of venue, your timing and SIL not to book the same venue), you need to get engaged, announce it and book the venue ASAP. Then SIL would be booking your venue, not the other way round IYSWIM. Therefore you need to chat to DP about this. SIL sounds a bit annoying.

IceNoSlice Wed 02-Jan-13 20:01:12

Ah, actually from your most recent post, sounds to me like your real frustration is at DP for not bloody well getting in with it, not with SIL. Good luck!!

Isityouorme Wed 02-Jan-13 20:01:48

As you have a LO, why don't you cost out a wedding at your dream venue for this year and discuss it with your husband. He may think that your wedding is going to costs gazillions when in fact it will cost less. Given the situation with your sick relatives, that is an excuse to bring it forward if SIL says anything. You seem to want a small intimate affair whilst she wants a bigger party, so they will be different. If then he says he doesn't want to marry you then no issue - on the marriage front at least!

3smellysocks Wed 02-Jan-13 20:04:13

Remortgage the house and get the extra cash - or borrow the cash to have the wedding you want. It's only a small amount and you are obviously very responsible with cash. Tell your DH that you want your dad and grandparents to be at the wedding and so you need to wed this year. He really must consider your needs and feelings in all this. How heart breaking it would b not to have them there. I think you need to be honest with your DP. By not telling him such an important thing, you are holding back in the relationship and not being true to yourself.

Chubfuddler Wed 02-Jan-13 20:04:28

He does want to marry you doesn't he? I mean you've discussed marrying in August (loads of time). You have a house and a baby. You are not an eighteen year old Virgin, thank god. Just book something. Stop being so bloody passive.

Trying to see what your sils wedding plans have to do with yours and failing tbh. She doesn't own the entire 2013 wedding season.

MrsHoarder Wed 02-Jan-13 20:09:04

Why not just get married this year then? Get a bottle of wine in, open it up and tell your DH that you don't see a reason to hang around and you want to get married in 2013 because you're worried about your DF and DGF not being there if you leave it.

I don't see the problem though, in the time we were engaged, two of my family members got engaged and married (we had intended a reasonably long engagement for practical reasons). It didn't upset anyone.

milf90 Wed 02-Jan-13 20:09:27

icenoslice I do feel like I can strangle him!!!!

He's not into weddings I'm the slightest and thinks they are a waste of money. When I suggested having a wedding with close family and friends (I would prefer this, I'm not into being centre of attention) and a sit down meal after and that's it he said no as his family we didn't invite wouldn't be happy biscuit

splintersinmebum Wed 02-Jan-13 20:10:00

I beg you to ignore 3smellysocks' dodgy financial advice hmm

3smellysocks Wed 02-Jan-13 20:14:32


chummymummy Wed 02-Jan-13 20:17:03

You sound so frustrated at your oh. Step 1 needs to be an actual discussion with your partner, its unfair to leave you hanging like this when marriage is clearly so important to you. sit him down when little ones asleep and have it out. Then you can get on with living your life in peace and how you want to. Dont discuss anymore marriage plans with anyone until you have spoken to your oh.

Snazzynewyear Wed 02-Jan-13 20:23:42

If he wants to get married in the same year he gets engaged, then you have the perfect platform to say 'Hey, now it's 2013 we could get on with wedding planning for this year! I'd really like to do it soon so my dad could be there. Is there something you wanted to ask me?' Never mind emotional blackmail - he has his requirements, why can't you have yours?

DonderandBlitzen Wed 02-Jan-13 20:35:27

In the light of what you have said about your dad and granddads, I think you need to explain this to your dp and say it would mean a lot to have them there so you'd like to get married in 2013. If he then strops about how he wanted to do the proposal his way and you have spoilt it, then he is an utter shit. Hopefully he is not an utter shit or you wouldn't want to marry him. It isn't emotional blackmail, it is sharing with your partner something really important to you. He doesn't get to call all the shots. It's the 21st century.

DonderandBlitzen Wed 02-Jan-13 20:41:31

Also I'd mention you wanted to get on with ttc as another reason why you would like to marry this year.

MikeOxardInTheSnow Wed 02-Jan-13 21:46:13

Firstly, may I direct you to the blacking up thread, where you may obtain a grip. They're being thrown around like confetti in there. Secondly, just book your wedding where you want, when you want. It doesn't matter when or where sil is getting married.

MrsHoarder Thu 03-Jan-13 04:43:51

Also he's had 5 months since August, if he wanted to do a big romantic proposal before you got all practical about it he should have done it then.

Don't let a desire for the perfect become an enemy of a good agreement to get married and have the wedding with your family all there.

Lavenderhoney Thu 03-Jan-13 05:00:10

Why does it matter when they get married? You get married when you want surely? And why are you discussing it with your fil when your dh hasn't proposed? It's your and your dps decision how you choose to conduct your relationship and commitment plans isn't it?

It's not very kind of your dp to keep you hanging with " no discussion and how I want" does he really want to get married? Personally I would say I wanted to know what his plans were and anyway to get a will sorted out with provision for your child and you or him should anything happen outside your control.

he sounds like he's stalling to me, why when he has a house and child with you i dont know, just how it reads to me

gimmecakeandcandy Thu 03-Jan-13 09:10:52

Marry when YOU want to marry and on your terms! That is all!

Proudnscaryvirginmary Thu 03-Jan-13 18:30:58

Have you talked to him OP?

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Thu 03-Jan-13 18:36:22

Sorry, just skimmed the thread, but just wondered about why you want to be married before you have another DC? It would mean that legally, their statuses would be different and your DP would have more rights over the child born within the marriage, and IIRC, the child would have more inheritance rights.

pingu2209 Thu 03-Jan-13 19:14:47

The whole wedding thing and too close to family members is a tricky one. You may well piss a lot of people off if you book your wedding in the same year as your SIL. Of course, that is if you OH asks you!

My sister got engaged first and booked a date for her wedding of summer 1988 (no specific month). My brother got engaged about 6 months later and decided on a short lead in time and booked his wedding date for 1 month before my sisters.

There was hell to pay across the family. My sister, mother and father were livid.

They felt that it was to upstage my sister's wedding.

Tread carefully.

That said, more than 20 years later - neither is still married to the people they married back in 1988!!!!!

TheBOF Thu 03-Jan-13 19:23:50

Ellenjane, are you sure about that? There is automatic Parental Responsibility now for fathers on the birth certificate, and my understanding is that marriage automatically 'legitimises' previous children of the partnership anyway (which tbh is a concept that has been superceded by the new PR laws anyway).

RillaBlythe Thu 03-Jan-13 19:31:01

ellenjane is out of date.

milf90 Thu 03-Jan-13 20:44:48

he sounds like he's stalling to me, why when he has a house and child with you i dont know, just how it reads to me

yes me too. i think deep down this is what i am concerned about. i dont want to drip feed (and i realise i am doing it horrendously!), but i keep remembering and putting together other things that have happened!

when we had the discussion about getting married this august, i said to do it with whatever money we had, because he said he desperately wanted a sibling for LO and that a life was more important than a wedding (i said i wanted to get married before having another LO)

a few weeks ago i made a blase comment about being broody (looking at pictures of his friends baby) and he then went on to say he wasnt ready for a baby, wasnt sure if he wanted another baby and shouldnt we get married first bangs head against a brick wall

i dont get it. we love each other, we trust each other, we are happy, life is pretty good - never been better.

i havent spoken to him about ti yet - he has been in a terrible mood since last night. i know its going to end up in an argument (conversations like this always do) so im very reluctant to have it. my mums having lo saturday night though, so im planning asking if he want to go out for a meal and talking to him about it.

Ellenjane - he is on LO's birth certifcate so it shouldnt make any difference. my reasons are mostly financial, but a little bit that im getting fed up of having a different name to LO (im fed up of having to explain and then watching people getting embarrassed!)

milf90 Thu 03-Jan-13 20:45:38

*should get married first

Snazzynewyear Thu 03-Jan-13 20:52:15

If he's on the birth certificate he will have PR automatically so yes that info is out of date.

pingu I can see why booking it for the month before/after would put people's backs up, but surely the whole year isn't out of bounds? One spring wedding and another autumn/ winter one, for instance, doesn't seem off to me.

OP, think you need to pick a good time and place and have an honest talk with him. If you really think he's a good guy but he is acting strangely over the marriage thing then you need to get to the bottom of it, and you two need to be making the decisions, not anyone else.

YuleBritannia Thu 03-Jan-13 20:55:53

OP, is your name on the house deeds?

milf90 Thu 03-Jan-13 21:08:31

No it's not, another reason why I want to get married (we used my money for the deposit).

I know that sounds really dodgy, but I do trust him and if I was on the deeds we wouldn't have been able to get a mortgage for as much money (I was starting up my own business at the time) at one point he was going to put my mums name on the deeds so we could borrow more, but didn't need to in the end as the bank finally saw sense!

HollaAtMeBaby Thu 03-Jan-13 22:08:16

How would having two people on the mortgage have REDUCED the amount you could borrow? Never heard of that.

I think you should be very careful. Have you got proof of how much you contributed for the deposit?

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Fri 04-Jan-13 02:41:29

I'm out of date! Sorry. blush My friend, who waited until she had had all her children before getting married, used this as a reason, but her DC are teenagers.

akaemmafrost Fri 04-Jan-13 02:57:11

I think it sounds like you pussy foot around him a a lot. It doesn't sound like you have an equal say in the Big Stuff at all, he says how it's going to be and that's how it is. I dint think I would WANT to marry him tbh.

Lavenderhoney Fri 04-Jan-13 03:18:18

Even if you were married you need to protect yourself financially. You need to be on the deeds and have an agreement drawn up with a solicitor regarding your amount and how you are due full repayment of the plus interest shoulda there be a split. A solicitor friend of mine told me people don't do it as they think they will never split or x is not like that etc etc and sadly end up with nothing if they split.

You can both have your name on the deeds but only one on the mortgage. It doesn't have to be one or the other. If you are on the deeds And he applies for a Mortage it makes no difference at all to what he can borrow. I'm surprised your mortgage advisor and bank didn't tell you. It's very common.
For a fee you can be added to the deeds which I strongly suggest you do as currently you have no power over the house or finances shold he choose to sell it.
Did you pay a lump sum to the bank directly for the mortgage? If not, you would have to prove it was not a gift. Even if you paid it direct to the bank mortgage account, as your name is not on the deeds or mortgage he could say it was a gift.

A conversation about your future should not end up in him shouting. It's supposed to be exciting not cause for stress.

If he doesn't want to marry and is now wobbling about more dc and won't specify dates or says platitudes like " maybe next year" be very wary as you might spend the next 10 years waiting and investing with this man who will eventually leave or you chuck him out ( assuming its now bth your house).

It's quite reasonable to want to marry in your situation, especially if you believe in marriage and you assumed he does to.

lostmykeysagain38 Fri 04-Jan-13 08:10:08

I got married in the same place as SIL, although a few years later. I'd been to her wedding so obviously knew that it had been there when we booked it. The 2 weddings were both lovely but both very, very different and as far as I know, there were no issues with it being in the same place - and believe me, she'd have let us know!!!

10 years on, I can barely remember our wedding (or hers!)

spg1983 Fri 04-Jan-13 13:13:33

As long as you all get on, I don't see what the issue is. DH and I are both teachers so when my DB and SIL got married, it was abroad and they booked it for August so we could definitely attend. It had been booked for over a year. Then 6 weeks before DB's wedding, there was a very sudden terminal illness in our family so DH and I brought our wedding forward so that it was 2 weeks after we got back from DB's wedding. Both days were very different and absolutely amazing, plus SIL found out she was pregnant on the morning of my wedding which was really lovely, I'm now expecting as well.

DB and I have always been quite competitive but somehow doing everything at pretty much the same time has brought us much closer together, they are like our best friends as well as family, even though our wedding anniversaries are only 3 weeks apart!! We both paid for our own weddings so no pressure on parents.

Pandemoniaa Fri 04-Jan-13 14:13:06

but a little bit that im getting fed up of having a different name to LO (im fed up of having to explain and then watching people getting embarrassed!)

Do people really get embarrassed over what's quite a usual situation? dgd has ds2's surname (he and ddil are engaged) and it's never caused them the slightest problem.

However, there's more than one red flag in your post, OP. I'm concerned that you've put up the deposit for a house that you don't own for starters and I'm baffled as to how your dp buying it in his name alone meant you could borrow more.

It also seems that your dp has got himself in the enviable situation of throwing out little lifelines about marriage when it suits him but managing to engineer a situation where you aren't actually allowed to pursue the conversation sensibly. It's all very much on his terms, isn't it?

As for not getting married before your SIL, this is a non-existent tradition too. You can marry whenever and wherever suits you and your dp. In another example from my family, ds2 got engaged a year before ds1. However, ds1 will be marrying at least a year before ds2 for reasons that suit all the couples involved. Nobody has thought to suggest ds1 has to wait for an interminable period just before ds2 proposed first. So I wonder if your dp and his father have come up with this idea as yet another reason to postpone any discussions and planning for your own wedding.

DonderandBlitzen Fri 04-Jan-13 19:27:57

he then went on to say he wasnt ready for a baby, wasnt sure if he wanted another baby and shouldnt we get married first

I would have said "OK, when?" at that point. Surely if he is a half decent person he will understand your desire to have your father and grandfather at your wedding? Have you spoken to him about this yet? When you go out for the meal, it might not be the best time to talk about it as it's potentially an upsetting topic. (Hugs.)

Cabrinha Fri 04-Jan-13 20:19:22

Well, YABU based on your name alone - milf, really?

You have made yourself very vulnerable to financial loss. Why on earth haven't you protected your investment? Do it TOMORROW. Seriously - invest 10 minutes reading the Relationships board here if you have to.

My husband up 5K more than me our deposit, which he instantly "lost" 2.5K of because we own the house jointly. I said "oh, do you want to protect that?" and he said "no" - but there was absolutely no awkwardness or issues in a sensible conversation. If any part of you is uncomfortable speaking to him about protecting that money, then it's shows you have good reason to get it protected.

You can be on the deeds without being on the mortgage.

I've never experienced any embarrassment with my daughter having her father's surname. I chose to keep my own name, but she took his as it's nicer, and meant more to him to give it to her - I didn't care - I carried her for 9 months, gave birth to her and have loved her every day - she doesn't have to share my name to be my girl.

If you want to get married, then propose. But in the meantime, please do sort out your money!

Why don't YOU propose?

OP has already stated that her partner wants to do it ''his way'', Pumpkin

OP agree you are in a v vulnerable position indeed financially

showmethetoys Fri 04-Jan-13 20:43:54

Dammit, I was just about to come on to say that I couldnt believe that this thread had got to 66 posts and no one had mentioned the OPs username, and there was cabrinha 's post, 3 from the bottom!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 04-Jan-13 20:56:17

OP you need to get your name on your own house - otherwise he could kick you out. Which I know you think he won't do, but I am really not sure that he is going to marry you.

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