to think losing weight brings out the green eyed monster?

(47 Posts)
WhiteRoseDrop Wed 02-Jan-13 17:48:14

I've decided to lose weight (not in a drastic way) and hope to lose around 2 stone by this time next year, which would make me 9 stone.

Quite a few people have said to me "you're fine as you are", "you don't need to lose any weight".

Don't get me wrong, it's nicer to hear then "yeah you are a fat cow and could do with losing some" - but at least they would be being honest I suppose.

A friend of mine was 10 stone 7 originally, and then at her lowest she was just under 9 stone. She is 5'5 and I thought she looked lovely and not disgustingly thin. If she had got to a dangerous point then I would of course have said something.

But the whole topic of conversation revolved around her weight loss, how she was looking thin, how she's obviously not eating, how they're so worried about her. The friend who lost the weight never mentioned it and told me she got quite annoyed with the comments.

Does weight loss bring out the green eyed monster in people?

DoingTheBestICan Wed 02-Jan-13 17:51:23

Yes I agree with you,I have recently lost about 3&1/2 stone and would like to lose another 2 and I have had the 'but you don't need to lose anymore' and the ' oh you look ill you know'.

I'm just ignoring them all and I will know when I have lost enough,good luck with your weight loss,fingers crossed we both lose what we want.

LaCiccolina Wed 02-Jan-13 17:55:16

Yes obvs as most people are a bit unhappy / think could be better and well we've been conditioned to think life's perfect if ur skinny!!!

kotinka Wed 02-Jan-13 17:55:25

Definitely agree, my sis and I are oddly competitive about weight but it's NEVER said out loud grin

BikeRunSki Wed 02-Jan-13 17:57:25

Yes. Friend joined SW and lost a few pounds pretty quickly. I said I needed to loose weight and she encouraged me to go with her. I joined about a month later. I have now lost more weight than her, and she is very snidey.

CatsRule Wed 02-Jan-13 17:57:58

Definitely...some people just don't want to see others getting on.

Whether that be with weight loss, jobs, homes, babies etc, some people don't want to see others moving forward.

thebody Wed 02-Jan-13 17:58:23

Yes I am afraid that if you are the 'fat friend' ( not saying you are) then by loosing weight you are threatening them and changing the dynamics.

Ignore any comments and do what's right for you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 02-Jan-13 17:59:59

If you talk about it, you invite comments. That's what I've found anyway.

lockets Wed 02-Jan-13 18:00:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

God yes. It really brings out snarkiness in others. I say this having lost 2 stone since Halloween.

Lots of "you're not going to lose any more are you?" and "you don't want to set all skinny" comments.

Feck em. Jealous twats.

I'm doing what I know is the right (and healthy) thing for me.

JustAHolyFool Wed 02-Jan-13 18:04:07

I have always been thin and if the conversation comes round to thinness I just change the subject straight away. I have no interest in justifying the fact that I'm thin or having anyone try to make me/themselves feel bad.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots Wed 02-Jan-13 18:17:20

Yeah, it does! A lot of people put a lot of store by the superiority of the thinnest person in a group iyswim.

There is also the fact that as a society we're not actually used to really seeing people of a healthy weight any more - I was watching Hairy Bikers get skinny or whatever its called last night, and Si was in the morbidly obese range - he just looked a little big to me, because that is what we are used to. I've been laughed at for losing weight - although I'm well into the 'overweight' BMI at 5,5 and 10 st 12. I need to lose 2 stone (ish, I'm broad) to be a healthy weight for me but to a lot of people, I 'look' normal if a little chunky, not 2 stone overweight.

So it could be that they honestly think you look fine!

ShowOfHands Wed 02-Jan-13 18:27:11

I have gradually lost the baby weight over the last year and then a bit more on top (bfing and a v v active little boy, plus a long school run on foot and I've started running again now ds is older). I don't mention my weight At All to anybody. I haven't dieted, didn't express any 'goals' and don't discuss weight in general. I'm healthy, BMI of 20.9, exercise lots and eat what I like. My MIL has said to me repeatedly (apropos of sod all) "you want to stop losing weight now" or "you've gone far enough". She is also constantly offering me food. I love the bones of the woman but it's merely a projection of her own weight issues.

My Dad's gone from morbidly obese to a slim and healthy 11 stones this year. He gets it all the bloody time.

survivingwinter Wed 02-Jan-13 20:01:18

I have had the Mil commenting as well! Lots of things like "you're ill because you're not eating enough" etc! I lost 2 stone last year but no one in the family has commented positively - not seen as a good thing in our food loving family. it's what you feel happy with though - I'm very small so any excess weight looks terrible.

BlueGoddess Wed 02-Jan-13 20:27:00

On the other hand a friend of mine started WW and lost so much weight she really did look ill! She just said we were jealous but we were seriously concerned about her.

peaceandlovebunny Wed 02-Jan-13 20:27:58

yes, people get jealous, and nervous. so if you go on a diet, they buy you chocolates or ice cream. stick to your diet.

Chottie Wed 02-Jan-13 20:35:30

Yes, I think so too. People feel comfortable when xxx is bigger than them, it makes them feel better about themselves. Then xxx loses weight, looks fab and 'friends' no longer feel better about themselves.

greeneyed Wed 02-Jan-13 20:38:26

YANBU I fucking hate it when my friends get thin! Inconsiderate bastards making me look even fatter!

IloveChristmasandsodoesmydog Wed 02-Jan-13 20:45:34

Perhaps if people stopped thinking about themselves and comparing each others lives and lost a bit of weight themselves they'd know how bloody hard it is and would stop with the bloody comments.

Saying that I had a friend who lost an awful amount of weight, partly for health reasons, and she did lose too much and looked positively gaunt. We were quite worried about her and were quite relieved when she sorted herself out. She's still thin but she looks a lot better.

I've lost a stone recently which took about six bloody months and the comments so far have been lovely. Need to go at least another stone but its very hard going.

People who were fat and then lose weight piss me off thinking they can comment on your weight.

I went from a 12 to a 10 a year or so ago and my once size 18 neighbour who had slimmed to a 14 had the audacity to say 'Well you're never a size 10' to me. It was really hard not to say well I've never been anywhere near a size 18, so feck you!'

She has now started piling the weight back on and I know it is mean hearted of me but I come so close to mentioning when I see her. She also asked a friend of mine if she was pregnant too, which she bloody obviously wasn't!!!!

OneSliceOfSwissCheese Wed 02-Jan-13 21:03:52

I lost a couple of stone before my wedding a few years ago. I felt great and was still at the top of my BMI healthy range but the comments I got from people took the shine off a bit. I found it quite hurtful and very annoying that even people like my mum and my best friend would make comments.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 02-Jan-13 21:05:18

YANBU! I'm a 10-12, depending on the shop. If any of my 12s get a little snug, I know it's time to stop eating crap, but I have very few friends that will actually support me in that. I always get told I don't need to diet, and then when I do and look better, feel better and have clothes that actually fit nicely, I get told I've gotten too thin.

It's ridiculous, when I get told I'm too thin it's because I haven't been pigging out on bread, pasta and chocolate every day for the last two months and have actually been eating healthily!

50shadesofpink Wed 02-Jan-13 21:09:39

First of all hi all - I'm new! Lurked for years and finally plucked up courage to join!

People definitely get jealous when you lose weight or set out to lose weight. I lost 3 stone in 2008 and have kept it off. The comments have been ''don't lose anymore' 'you look ill' 'here, let yourself go - have a chocolate (or 2)'. People can be haters - I don't care ... I know I look good because I feel good.

whateveritakes Wed 02-Jan-13 21:24:15

Yes but...slimmers get really zealous too.

It's really annoying after being mates with a fatter friend (and politely holding your tongue about the frequency she eats biscuits) to find them lecturing you about carbs, calories and the benefits of exercise. - Yes we all know you have to do more and eat less but you couldn't do it either until you were ready so bloody stop going on about it - .

There is another friend who has quietly got on with it and kept the couple of stone off for a few years. No one has been anything but positive.

One ex colleague and a friend of mine both have a magnet saying 'lord, if you can't make me thin, at least make my friends fat'
I think it says a lot about them unfortunately.

Absoluteeightiesgirl Wed 02-Jan-13 21:39:36

When I have been trying to lose weight there is one particular woman at work who brings in junk food that she knows I struggle with and offers it to me every time I am in the vicinity. At one point she actually left chocolate on my desk. I ted to keep my gob shut know if I am trying to shift the flab.

BinksToEnlightenment Wed 02-Jan-13 21:49:31

Yes, they do. I've put on nearly two stone this year. I went from a size 4 - 6 to an 8. Some people at work wouldn't even talk to me last Christmas. They're nice as pie to me now I'm a normal weight.

JustAHolyFool Wed 02-Jan-13 21:50:06

God, I find this so weird. I really don't see how your friends' weight impacts on you. If you want to be thin, lose weight. If you can't be arsed, don't go on.

Minshu Wed 02-Jan-13 21:52:33

Bucking the trend here, but I was thinking this when I was just under 9 stone a couple of years ago. I though I looked great then and couldn't understand why friends and family were peeing on my parade. But, looking back, I did look gaunt and some friends were genuinely concerned about me. Real friends, most of whom are naturally thinner and more sporty than me, and no jealousy in the mix.

MsRinky Wed 02-Jan-13 22:46:21

Well, sort of. I lost 50lbs last year and some people are definitely feeling threatened. I got about a dozen boxes of chocolates for Christmas, even though I still have a very high bmi.

But you haven't lost weight, you've just decided that you're going to and presumably have told everyone your plan. So don't be surprised that people might think you're fishing to be told you don't need to.

I hate talking about diets to real people and only my mum and husband knew I was on one until the weightloss was really obvious. If you don't want people to go on about it, don't mention it.

OneSliceOfSwissCheese Thu 03-Jan-13 12:38:53

But I found that even if I didn't mention trying to lose weight to anyone except my DH, people still seem to think it's ok to make really personal comments along the lines of "Don't lose anymore will you?" etc etc.

GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 03-Jan-13 12:43:44

People are mad aren't they.

I have had the same, including comments that I am vain because I go to the gym probably once a week (and then just sit in the jacuzzi).

I have been told that I am underweight - I am not, just gone from the top end of a good BMI to the bottom. I have had health problems, you would think that people would just be pleased that I am healthy now.

vj32 Thu 03-Jan-13 13:39:47

Thats fine so long as you are not one of those people who talks non stop about needing to lose weight and their diet and how many calories they ate yesterday etc.

GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 03-Jan-13 13:48:34

That's true - you must not, on pain of death, tell people you are on a diet.

This is why diet threads on MN are so great - we can all bore each othe to death talking about low carbing etc and then you don't have to talk to anyone about the subject in RL.

freddiefrog Thu 03-Jan-13 13:52:06


My mum used to be very overweight and over the last year or so has lost a lot of weight and is now down to a size 14. She looks amazing, so much younger and healthier.

Her best friend was always quite slim and has been very hurtful to my mum since she lost weight. I think it's because mum is no longer the 'fat friend' that she can measure herself against and make herself feel better about her own life if that makes sense

ViviPru Thu 03-Jan-13 13:54:44

I've lost just over 2 stone and I want to lose another 1/2 stone - if I do I'll be bang in the middle of healthy BMI and a size 8-10 which would be ideal for my small-shouldered, small limbed frame. It gets on my wick that people keep saying "oh don't lose anymore, you don't need to" like I'm some dimwit that has no ability to healthily self-regulate.

WorraLiberty Thu 03-Jan-13 14:01:24

With regards to people thinking others are losing too much weight, that might be because they know them too well, so they look at them differently...rather than jealousy.

I was thinking about this the other day when I picked up a magazine. The photo was of a large/chubby woman who looked as though she needed to lose a bit of weight. Then I realised the story was that she'd just lost 10 stone.

Now to me (having never seen her before) she looked overweight, but I'm sure to her friends and family, she would have looked super slim.

So different people will have a different perspective, depending on how often they see you I think.

ArthurandGeorge Thu 03-Jan-13 14:18:50

I think Worra's got a good point, that with the way that we are now conditioned not to recognise people being overweight because of the population shift in weight massively confuses people in a way they might not be able to recognise.

Also some people just don't like to see others succeeding at something they are themselves too afraid to try and thin people being afraid someone else will be thinner and "better" than them.

FWIW I have always been skinny, for years and years, I am happy but pretty aware of my weight. I don't want to gain weight because this is how I've always been, I am used to how I look and my clothes fit. If I think I might have gained weight then I eat fewer cakes for a couple of weeks. No one comments on my weight now.

BarredfromhavingStella Thu 03-Jan-13 14:23:42

I think it does yes, horrible really sad

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Thu 03-Jan-13 15:49:18

The thing about losing weight, is that it goes from your face long before it goes from your arse.

And people look at your face more often than they look at your arse (unless you have some very weird friends)

So you diet down from chubby-person-face to skinny-person-face, your mates go, 'wow! look how much weight you've lost' and you say, 'oh but I have another 2 stone to lose [because my arse has decreased by ONE POXY INCH]'... and your mates will think you're mad. And probably say so. But you are both right in a way. grin

LuluMai Thu 03-Jan-13 16:12:20

My weight has fluctuated massively over the years (currently a size 18), but last time I lost weight a couple of years ago, I got down to a size ten and suddenly the compliments turned a bit sneery- people telling me not to go any further or I'd be too skinny, how thin I looked, am I taking it to the extreme etc.

I never comment on people's weights, whether they've gained weight or lost weight. If they start talking about it, I try to be diplomatic. It's none of my business and frankly irrelevant- if someone is my friend, I couldn't give a shit if they're a size six or 26. And again, if I don't like someone, it's because of their character, not their dress size.

BigShinyBaubles Thu 03-Jan-13 16:41:31

I'm joining Sa W meeting in about an hour. I cannot WAIT for people to start getting jealous of my new ultra slinky bod!!

BigShinyBaubles Thu 03-Jan-13 16:42:13

a SW meeting

Bumblequeen Thu 03-Jan-13 17:19:07

Yes. I was slim skinny as a child and was constantly reminded as though it was some sort of disadvantage. I remember in my early twenties an ex friend said:

"Men do not like slim women. They prefer curves".

The same ex friend's mother used to comment that I looked like I was 'drowning in my clothes.'

For years I hated being slim and convinced myself I was not womanly.

I wore a size 10 and on the odd ocassion an 8.

Years later I realised they were jealous and they have both been battling with their weight ever since! On the rare ocassion I bump into them they feel the need to justify their added weight.

BikeRunSki Thu 03-Jan-13 18:48:50

When I was writing my PJs, I was working long hours to get it done. I ate very little and lost a lot of weight. I saw my sister at family party (she lives abroad pl

BikeRunSki Thu 03-Jan-13 18:50:32

(posted too soon) and she wailed "I'm the thin one, you're the clever one, you can't be both".

BikeRunSki Thu 03-Jan-13 18:51:10

PJs! PhD!

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