AIBU re DS's friend's mum?

(44 Posts)
neuroticmumof3 Tue 01-Jan-13 01:00:08

Sat watching fireworks at midnight when DS2 (18) called me. His friend has got 'more wasted than he's ever seen anyone' and can I go and pick them up? Friend doesn't have mobile with him so can't contact parents. Friend can't walk, has been sick and got kicked out of party for being so drunk. Luckily I don't drink so was able to go and pick them up. Got him back to his house, took ten minutes to get out of him which house was his! Lights on but no answer. Took another ten minutes to find out he had back door key (I'd been trying it in front door for ages like an idiot housebreaker!). DS2 and I more or less carried him round the back (through alleys). Got him upstairs to his room when his mother appeared. I explained what had happened and said I hadn't thought she was in as hadn't answered door. She just shrugged and looked annoyed because we had walked muck all over her cream hall carpet. We weren't really in a position to stop and take off our boots as we were trying to manhandle her 5'10" ds up the stairs!!

She did not say thank you at any point!

I don't expect a sainthood or anything but a simple thank you would have been nice. The whole event took about 45 minutes from start to finish. He was covered in vomit. It was not the most pleasant way to start 2013!

So AIBU to be a bit narked with her?

whistlestopcafe Tue 01-Jan-13 01:01:51

YANBU! I'm annoyed on your behalf.

Well done to you and your sensible ds.

mumineedawee Tue 01-Jan-13 01:07:08

Well done to you and your ds.

And at least that lad got home safely.

Ye did the right thing, just pat yerselves on the back and know that ye started 2013 with a good deed.


Maybe she was half sleeping and will thank you tomorrow. <hopeful>

neuroticmumof3 Tue 01-Jan-13 01:22:15

I'm very proud of DS2 for being so responsible even though he was a bit drunk himself. I'd never leave someone drunk out on the streets if I could help it, you just don't know what might happen. It's quite an amusing way to start the new year. Also it made me realise how middle aged I am because I went prepared with a large plastic bowl, baby wipes and a towel in case of vomiting in the car! Poor lad was so drunk his vomit covered trousers were round his ankles as we were staggering around these alleys trying to get to his house. I wish I'd had a camera with me really! DS2 was going to stay with him if his parents were out - we wouldn't have left him alone in that state.

FreshLeticia Tue 01-Jan-13 01:31:09

Your DS sounds like a lovely young man. What a nice thing to do and he knew he could rely on his mum. 5Hope his DF feels ok tomorrow, poor sod.

mumineedawee Tue 01-Jan-13 01:31:43

My friends brother died aged 17.

He got drunk and left behind as he was vomiting and wandered off, fell asleep and asphixiated (sp?). It was and is unbelievably sad.

I always tell mine not to leave any friends behind.

Its very scary having kids heading out into the world. Its nice to know that there are parents like you neuroticmum

Grumpla Tue 01-Jan-13 01:35:28

My parents' landlord when they were first married lost a son the same way, on his 18th birthday.

Your son has been a good friend this evening and you have been a good mum too. Even if his friend's mum didn't realise the danger you should still be proud.

GW297 Tue 01-Jan-13 01:39:29

That's your first good deed of the year out the way. You must be proud of your son. I hope the other boy thanks you for your kindness in due course. Happy New Year.

ZebraInHiding Tue 01-Jan-13 01:57:08

Yanbu. And can I say how nice it is that your son can call you at times like this and that you should feel proud to have raised a sensible son who knows when to help a friend in need. Happy 2013!

MammaTJ Tue 01-Jan-13 01:58:23

YANBU, start the year in a good way!!

lisad123everybodydancenow Tue 01-Jan-13 02:01:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YANBU at all. Manners cost nothing. She may have been tired, pissed off at the state of the carpet and/or him but still...

It does however remind me of an incident in my early days of living with xp. He went out with a couple of colleagues, youngest one got paralytic. They attempted to drop him home but his mum point blank refused to have him in the house as 'he never left here like that so he's not coming back that way either!' Xp brought him back to ours. I barely slept and made xp put him in the recovery position as I was convinced he would vomit and choke in his stupor.

It still shocks me that people would get in that state more than once. I hope your DS's friend is more grateful than his mother when he finds out what you did.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 01-Jan-13 02:42:52


That boy's mother should be very grateful. What would have happened if your son and yourself hasn't been there to help?! My aunt and uncle are like that woman they are dickheads

neuroticmumof3 Tue 01-Jan-13 03:06:01

Stories like those of mumineedawee and grumpla are why I would always help out in circumstances like that. It's awful to think of a young person dying so needlessly. And as my name suggests I am a bit neurotic! I rather like his friend. A few months ago they ended up at mine when they were a bit pissed and ended up singing in my kitchen while I cooked them some pizza. They made amusing drunks that night!

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 01-Jan-13 03:15:37

Years ago my slightly younger cousin go so drunk the police were going to take him in for his own safety unless a responsible adult collected him. My "aunt and uncle" wouldn't pick him up because "he should learn his lesson". He was only just 18 and they were happy to have him spend a night in a cell. My dad collected him in the end.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 01-Jan-13 03:17:36

I am fully aware my aunt may well be on here. So if she's reads the above,let me add : yes,we all judged you then. Because you both always ignored your middle son.(cousin in question)

You should be very proud of your son, and yourself. And you have a great story to embarrass his friend with for a few weeks, hee hee.

Maybe the mum was mortified/a little drunk/sleepy/worried for her son? No I don't think so either but I am clutching at straws to explain such bad manners otherwise. Just a bad mannered person, sadly there are lots of them. But still, you and your Ds did A Good Thing so karma to you, dog turd on shoe to her.

ChristmasJubilee Tue 01-Jan-13 06:33:12

There have been three deaths locally (that I know of) in the last year in similar circumstances. One a boy of only 16. Your actions may have saved his life. I would phone his Mum to see how he is and let her know this.

misterwife Tue 01-Jan-13 07:16:25

YANBU to be annoyed about the whole thing - but I think there are mitigating circumstances as it's likely that the friend's mum had only just woken up and hadn't fully processed the situation. Hopefully you will get a thank you soon.

Yanbu to be annoyed - really irritates me when people seem to have a total lack of manners.

You never know you might get a thank you today..

I called an ambulance for a friend when we were 16/17 at a house party. No one else wanted to call as the parents of the party giver were away & didn't know about it & they didn't want to get her into trouble.

Did it anyway & according to the paramedics (who couldn't believe she had got into that state on alcohol alone which she had) I saved her life.

RandomMess Tue 01-Jan-13 07:43:45

Also you never know when a "drunk" is actually ill with something else altogether - diabetic coma and such like.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 01-Jan-13 07:44:25

I plan on being just the kind of mum you are op, when my kids are teens. Good on you. I hope the boy is ok today and his mum feels ashamed of her behaviour (and her son's!)

diddl Tue 01-Jan-13 07:45:19

That was great of you.

Although I don´t get why your son didn´t phone his friend´s parents.

yousmell Tue 01-Jan-13 07:45:47

What a lovely kind person you are! I really hope my kids run into you if they ever get into trouble. Also your son sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

ThreeWheelsGood Tue 01-Jan-13 07:55:13

well done OP - you did the right thing and it's great that your son is confident enough to call you in that situation knowing you'll help not judge.

my only thought about his friend's mum is maybe she thought you were some how complicit in his drunkenness? perhaps she thought party had been at your house? so she might have seemed off for that reason (but held her tongue having just woken up!)., let's hope he or she calls you today to say thanks.

TheNebulousBoojum Tue 01-Jan-13 08:01:51

Well done to both of you, OP.

'Although I don´t get why your son didn´t phone his friend´s parents.'

Two suggestions: One that he knew she wouldn't care or do anything.

Two: When either of my two mature adult children have a problem they can't fix, I'm the first number they dial.

The boy is very lucky to have friends like your son, and he is fortunate to have a mother who still cares enough to help, even though they are now adults.

Op your son shown that he is mature enough to accept that sometimes he needs help ANC knows can turn to his mum

Shows what a good job you have done bringing him up

babooshkadoll Tue 01-Jan-13 08:24:50

Well done to your son for not leaving his pal.
Well done to you for taking charge.

EleanorGiftbasket Tue 01-Jan-13 08:27:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsHoarder Tue 01-Jan-13 08:50:45

There's a third suggestion as to why they didn't ring drunk friend's parents: he was too drunk to remember his number. Glad you were there op.

diddl Tue 01-Jan-13 10:20:41

Well I was thinking that the son would/might know the number.

But I guess few people know numbers anymore!

And I forgot to say well done your son also.

It´s possible she was too embarrassed/tired to say anything-especially if it´s the first time he´s done it & they were asleep, thinking that he would be getting himself home safely.

pigletmania Tue 01-Jan-13 11:24:54

You are fantastic op, mum was very rude. Even if I was woken up I could still muster some manners to someone who has don what I shoud have done an helped

myfirstkitchen Tue 01-Jan-13 11:26:32

Well done. It's awful some people leave others in such a state.

As others pointed out it might not just be drink.

I know someone who died as they were left to moan and vomit by themselves in a room whilst others went off to party. Turned out they had a blood clot on their brain that had burst.

mrsjay Tue 01-Jan-13 11:38:28

no yanbu well done for getting the lad home safe and sound and your son is a credit to you , (and his friend) the mother was rude id be raging at my child and grateful if you had brought them home,

mrsjay Tue 01-Jan-13 11:39:41

most kids wont know their friends parents home number it is all mobiles these days isn't it ,

neuroticmumof3 Tue 01-Jan-13 17:18:22

Thanks for all the lovely feedback everyone, I am very proud of ds for being so wise. Apparently he was getting on very well with a young lady when he got dragged away. I'm hope he'll get brownie points with her for being such a gentleman and won't have ruined his chances!

I always wanted to be the type of parent my dc would turn to in an emergency and I also wanted to teach them to intervene on behalf of others if necessary. James Bulger was murdered when I was pregnant with DS1 and like most people I was horrified by the whole thing. So many adults had walked past a distressed child and done nothing. The thought of having to live with myself if I'd been one of those people made me reevaluate my responsibility towards others, especially children. Sorry if that sounds a bit precious but it really affected me.

Friend didn't have his mobile with him - it's new and smart so prob didn't want to lose it - so they couldn't contact his mum. In his drunken state friend had also told me his dm was out for the night! I'm not annoyed today. Just glad we did the right thing. And it does make a good story about how we started 2013!

hermioneweasley Tue 01-Jan-13 17:24:02

Well done to you and your DS - he sounds brilliant. Hope he finds his lady friend again!

mrsjay Tue 01-Jan-13 17:26:22

I am sure the girl will be very impressed with your son grin

oldpeculiar Tue 01-Jan-13 18:34:38

It was very kind and responsible of you and your son , but I am not sure why you are expecting a thankyou and apology from the mum rather than the adult son?

neuroticmumof3 Tue 01-Jan-13 19:48:10

I don't expect an apology from anyone oldpeculiar. Friend is 17 (nearly 18). I know that if someone picked my drunken son up and got him home safely I would say thank you.

Yes so would I expect a thanks neurotic
Even though you weren't drinking it was still your nye that got interrupted!

Suprised you didn't get a call or text from either the mum or the son at some point yesterday actually

mrsjay Wed 02-Jan-13 13:39:07

, but I am not sure why you are expecting a thankyou and apology from the mum rather than the adult son?

cos he was pissed and out of it he probably didnt know his own name far less mutter an apology , somebody brings home my drunken child I would apologies and thank the bringer homer, the boy could have choked or anything if the Ops sensible son hadn't contacted his mum, many teenagers will leave drunk friends, anyway OP have any of them contacted you today

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