To think that my friend is being a bit rude?

(134 Posts)
awaiting2013 Mon 31-Dec-12 10:24:02

A few weeks ago I invited my friend over for NYE. We both have young children and not much cash so I asked her if she wanted to come over, bring the kids (let them sleep if she wishes) and spend NYE or part of it with us. Bring a bottle, let's have a drink and I'll knock up some food. She told me that since she had no plans, sounded like a good one. A few days ago I sent her an email asking if she was still coming over etc. and she said yes.

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I saw on her FB page that she was asking around as to who was available on NYE and if anyone wanted to go out for a meal and drinks on the town with her and her DH?

So I'm sitting here on NYE, just me and DH and the kids. Not too bothered as TBH not fussed about NYE. We need to save hard. However I am feeling a bit angry because my no. 1 NY resolution is not to be so fucking nice (sorry!) to people who are crap to me and my family and to not let people get away with crap behaviour.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off that my friend has not even bothered to say she is not coming over because she has hedged her bets and got a better offer?

is she not coming over? or are you actually babysitting? I would make very sure.

Inertia Mon 31-Dec-12 10:26:10

Best make sure she doesn't think you're babysitting her kids !

MrsKeithRichards Mon 31-Dec-12 10:26:51

oh dear it does sound like she is looking for a better offer which is rude. Deep breath, pick up the phone and ask her.

Phone her and ask what's going on?

If she waffles and lies then cancel and make it clear how you feel

Montybojangles Mon 31-Dec-12 10:29:26

I'd have to post a rather bitchy comment on her fb post to be honest. Have a nice relaxing evening with DH and kiddies.

MagicHouse Mon 31-Dec-12 10:29:56

Ask her what's going on! Just text to say you're confused, you thought you'd arranged that she'd be with you, but on FB she thinks she's going out. If she claims she was confused and thinks you were babysitting, make sure you say no!!

AppleOgies Mon 31-Dec-12 10:30:54

Just post... 'Errrrmmm I thought you were coming to mine for nye?'

AlistairSim Mon 31-Dec-12 10:30:57

Yes, she is being rude!

But please call her and check that she's not expecting you to babysit.

I'd be tempted to post a reply saying you thought she was coming to yours. What a crappy thing for her to do. Are you very close?

TheMonster Mon 31-Dec-12 10:32:33

I would reply on Facebook and ask her if she's no longer coming over.

Actually on re-reading OP it looks possible that she thinks that she has a free pass to visit you for part of the evening then leave kids sleeping. Make sure she knows that isn't the case.

Yes write

Assume you and your family are no longer coming to mine as we arranged?
Thanks for letting us know, happy new year to you and yours you compleate wank badger

TheMonster Mon 31-Dec-12 10:35:25

An yes, you said part of it. Maybe she wants to go out first.

SunflowersSmile Mon 31-Dec-12 10:35:30

My oh my how cheeky and rude.
Please don't babysit for the entitled Madam...

awaiting2013 Mon 31-Dec-12 10:36:34

I don't think she thinks I am babysitting as she can get her mum or MIL to do it for her. If she did turn up with her kids for me to mind I would just say no anyway. I was actually doing her a favour because she seems to be pretty broke.

Monty, I think I am going to do that actually. I'll wait until tomorrow morning because she nearly always posts a note about OMG, I was so wasted last night and had such a great time etc.

Really not fussed she isn't coming over. Just annoyed that yet again I get dumped on from a great height.

2012, please let me go to sleep a big softie and 2013 please let me wake up a nasty bitch.

fuzzpig Mon 31-Dec-12 10:37:13

If this was arranged a little while ago is there a chance she's genuinely forgotten?

(Trying to be charitable... If not, then I like the term 'wankbadger')

SantasENormaSnob Mon 31-Dec-12 10:38:00

Yanbu

She is very rude.

fuzzpig Mon 31-Dec-12 10:38:18

I think you should post today rather than tomorrow - at least you'll know for certain then. And possibly embarrass her grin

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 10:38:24

Definitely make sure she isn't expecting you to babysit. And if she is, stick to your guns and make sure she knows that isn't going to happen.

What a cheek!

chicaguapa Mon 31-Dec-12 10:38:36

Another one who thinks you might end up babysitting. Make sure you have a response prepared.

People seem to not realise how FB works. We were going to stay at a friend's on the way home from MIL's and were asked not to go because they had the norovirus. Cue getting home to see many photos on FB from a meal out in a pub! hmm

mellen Mon 31-Dec-12 10:38:53

It does look like she might think you are babysitting, if you said 'part of it', she might have decided that as long as they put in an appearance that you will take the kids for the night?

FestiveFiggy Mon 31-Dec-12 10:39:13

U definitely need to ask her what's going on.....and then come back and tell us what she said grin

digerd Mon 31-Dec-12 10:39:29

She sounds very manipulative and deceitful - beware.!

ifancyashandy Mon 31-Dec-12 10:41:05

Don't do the passive-aggressive 'posting tomorrow after the event' thing. Its horrible and childish. Call her. Be the grown up.

noblegiraffe Mon 31-Dec-12 10:41:11

Why on earth would you wait until tomorrow to ask? It's a perfectly reasonable question.

I would text/post on her FB page today. If you leave it until tomorrow she'll try to wriggle out of it by saying she'd forgotten the arrangement and may try to shift the blame onto you by saying, "Well, if you saw the FB post, why on earth didnt you remind me? You obviously didnt want me to come..."

Message her now!

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 10:44:42

Oh dear. She is a thoughtless prat.
Of course it's rude and inconsiderate. I'd be annoyed and a bit crushed at this tbh, and I'm not a needy person or sensitive. I would feel aggravated at the lack of respect for me.
Being ditched for a better offer is hurtful for anyone.

In my younger days I would've sucked it up and festered, but at 37 now words would be had. Calm, polite, unmistakable words.

MonaLotte Mon 31-Dec-12 10:45:15

fuzzpig I see your wankbadger and raise you an asshat!

OP I would text her and say sorry can't do new year as have made other plans in case she is relying on you being plan b if she can't find anything better to do!

awaiting2013 Mon 31-Dec-12 10:45:40

Actually I am condensing what we discussed. What we agreed was that they come over, brought some booze, either brought the children with them or left them with in-laws. If they brought them they could stay until late or go before midnight if the children got really restless/ couldn't sleep etc. That was just a back up as her DM/MIL will babysit at the drop of a hat. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to babysit and pretty sure she has hedged her bets and got another offer. I am not actually going to call her tonight in case she suddenly changes her plans to fit me into the evening somehow (drink on the way out etc.) but will pull her up on it when I see the postmortem of the evening on FB.

You girls are way more assertive than me. Even as I type I am sitting here thinking, ooooooh but I don't want to upset anyone blush

MagicHouse Mon 31-Dec-12 10:47:27

Don't post a bitchy comment! It will only make you look bad. But you could post a comment saying something like"....err...... I thought you'd agreed to come over for food and wine???????"

MonaLotte Mon 31-Dec-12 10:48:42

If you keep acting like it's ok to treat you like this people will keep taking the piss. It's not nasty to stand up for yourself. You can do it!

Surely FBing someone before the fact doesn't require any more assertiveness than calling/FBing them after the fact? confused

She's your friend and you know the situation better than anyone here but your proposed course of action doesn't sound good to me. You are less likely to be calm and reasonably after being shat on.

noblegiraffe Mon 31-Dec-12 10:50:02

You don't want to upset anyone by mentioning that someone had arranged to come to yours this evening?? Why would that upset anyone?

No wonder your resolution is to not be so nice. Perhaps you should amend it to not be so wet!

HecatePropolos Mon 31-Dec-12 10:50:14

Unless she will come to yours, bring the kids, have a drink, get them settled and then leave, saying oh, they're settled now, you don't mind if me and X pop out for a bit, do you...

you really need to say to her that that is not going to happen.

If you can't contact her now to ask her about her plans, because you don't want to upset anyone - do you really think that if she comes over and gets the kids settled, you're going to say no, wake them up and take them home. Do you?

No. You'll smile, say ok and then come back on here and fume! grin

So don't do that.

Contact her now. Say that you've noticed she's asking about NYE, so you assume she's not coming over to yours. cos of course it won't be possible for her to leave the kids with you and go out later.

yohohoho Mon 31-Dec-12 10:50:14

Just contact her and asked if she is still coming

is she really that dumb she would post on Facebook, where you can see her, looking for better offers.

if my friends did this I would genuinely think we had cross wires. I am not friends with anyone that bitchiness would be my first thought.

ifancyashandy Mon 31-Dec-12 10:52:38

FFS, call her!! You can't complain about being treated badly if you allow people to act in such a way without pulling them up on it!

'Hi, potentially shit friend, you ok? Bit confused as saw on FB that you're off out on the town tonight? Thought you & kids were coming here? No biggie if plans have changed - although a call would have been nice - but just need to know so can adjust plans this end...'

BlatherskitedaboutChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 10:53:38

What happened to wanting to be less of a softie??

Do not wait until tomorrow. Ring her now and ask her what's going on and if she tries to "fit you in", just say "Actually, we've decided we'd rather not have you over after all". Let her know her bridges have been burned.

Most of all remember - she is only treating you the way you are allowing yourself to be treated. Toughen up.

LettyAshton Mon 31-Dec-12 10:54:24

I can't believe people are so brazen - all encouraged by FB.

A friend had a evening do a couple of days ago. He had bought all the food and arranged games etc. It was amazing how so many guests were struck down with the Norovirus that very day. Even more amazing was how at the last minute they had managed to leave their respective toilet bowls to enjoy various activities and then have the energy to post all about it on Face Book. Friend was quite upset and now has a few ex-friends.

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 10:56:58

I would PM her on FB.

I take it our plans are off then? I wish you a good night, but I think it would have been polite to let me know that you wouldn't be coming round later. Quite rude not to really.
Cheers for that.

JenaiMorris Mon 31-Dec-12 10:58:33

You invited her to spend NYE or part of it with you.

I don't think she's being particularly rude. I think you are being a bit needy and oversensitive, sorry.

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 10:59:05

Do you think that if she can't find anyone to go out with, she'll still turn up at yours?

I'd be messaging her to make sure. Like Pictish said ^ but just wish her a nice night and then say you and your dh have now made other plans so she doesn't use you as a fallback arrangement.

But do it today.

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 11:00:33

Yeah...do explain what her spending 'part of it' with you means?
Were you agreeable to her coming round for a couple of hours and then going on elsewhere?

That bit is quite important.

I'm going on the idea that she was supposed to spend Hogmany with you.

QuickLookBusy Mon 31-Dec-12 11:02:38

For goodness sake, don't be so daft. You can't sit there all day wondering if she's coming or not! If she doesn't get a better offer she might still turn up.

Take control of your night.

Text what Ifancyashandy posted. It's polite, to the point and means you are in control. Do it now!!! You really aren't being rude you're just asking a perfectly reasonable question.

Shelby2010 Mon 31-Dec-12 11:08:03

If you want to avoid confronting her why don't you act as though you hadn't seen Facebook & text her? Surely it would be completely normal to text & ask her what time she was coming round at? Then it acts as a reminder if she didn't think you had made a definite plan together, and at least you know what's going on. Waiting til tomorrow & then acting disappointed is a bit passive-aggressive & childish IMO.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 31-Dec-12 11:09:00

Don't contact her via FB because there's a risk she might not see it or will ignore it. Give her a call, be nice and friendly - just say you saw on FB that she was arranging a night out tonight and had she forgotten about your arrangement to come over for drinks and wine? It might be a genuine oversight, so find out before you start posting comments on FB because you don't want to be the one looking daft or rude if she genuinely forgot. Do it today because the last thing you want is to spend NYE wondering if they're coming over or not, as you won't know whether to do food etc for them.

Like the others said though, do not end up babysitting. You might not be going out but you are not her babysitter.

QuickLookBusy Mon 31-Dec-12 11:12:09

I agree do not do Facebook. I also think texting is better if you don't feel confident about speaking to her.

Just text her and get it over with. Ask dh to hold your hand while you do it, or we will!! You've got to do it, you can't let someone treat you like this!

Spatsky Mon 31-Dec-12 11:13:45

I don't understand why a quick call or text asking is she no longer coming is not a optiion to op?? It seems the most blatantly obvious course of action.

Also, as an aside, leaving her to get on with it then posting a bitchypa comment on facebook after doesn't make you sound "too nice" at all, it makes you seem a bit snide.

Fakebook Mon 31-Dec-12 11:14:00

Just leave a comment on her status saying "hope you and the kids have a lovely time".

This makes me think about how close a friend she really is to you? Are you very very close or just acquaintances? Maybe she doesn't like it how you assume she's poor?

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 11:14:26

Actually...Shelby is right.

Text her "what time were you thinking of coming?"

Then wait.

Southeastdweller Mon 31-Dec-12 11:16:53

I would do what Pictish says, apart from the PM thing - call her instead.

Agree that she's hedging her bets and I appreciate that this hurts. She is being a complete tit.

<makes mental note to finally delete permanently from the dreaded Facebook this week>

Coconutty Mon 31-Dec-12 11:17:17

Text and say, phew, just got back from a massive shop for all our goodies for tonight, what time will you lot be here?

And then let us know what she replies!

TheWheelies Mon 31-Dec-12 11:17:41

Given what she's put on Facebook, how much do you still want to spend NYE with her? (assuming that she hasn't forgotten...)

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 11:18:36

Oohhh coco I like it! grin

Binkybix Mon 31-Dec-12 11:18:46

I wouldn't Facebook for something likes this...if its a misunderstanding you look stupid, if it's not then you end up having a childish exchange. Just ring or text her. I can understand tat you find it hard, but you'll feel better for it.

JenaiMorris Mon 31-Dec-12 11:19:47

The OP invited this person round for NYE or part of it (sorry for repeating myself). The friend has not committed herself to staying all night, nor has she said she's not coming.

HollaAtMeSanta Mon 31-Dec-12 11:19:49

I wouldn't comment on FB.

I might "like" it though, just to let her know you've seen it and are plotting revenge

QuickLookBusy Mon 31-Dec-12 11:21:45

Jenai that's exactly why the op needs to text her and find out what's happening.

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 11:22:06

Yes but, Jenai, wouldn't it have been good manners to let the OP know whether she was coming or not?

polkadotsrock Mon 31-Dec-12 11:22:07

Why sit around and wonder? Just ask her if she's coming or not. This would piss me off but my friends know that and do wouldn't do it.

TheWheelies Mon 31-Dec-12 11:24:06

JenaiMorris You're right, but the plan the OP hatched with her was for drinks and food. It's unlikely said friend plans on having two meals this evening.

QuickLookBusy Mon 31-Dec-12 11:27:23

I also think "part of the evening" refers to them spending the evening together then leaving before 12, if the dc are restless.

QuickLookBusy Mon 31-Dec-12 11:28:41

Pressed too soon.
So not actually a quick drink which would mean the guests can then leave to go and have dinner with someone else.

noblegiraffe Mon 31-Dec-12 11:35:10

All this speculation over what was meant could be solved in an instant by the OP asking her friend quite reasonably what the deal is with this evening!

JenaiMorris Mon 31-Dec-12 11:39:21

Exactly, noble!

InExitCelsisDeo Mon 31-Dec-12 11:39:34

But that would spoil the fun noble!

MoomieAndFreddie Mon 31-Dec-12 11:42:37

oh thats really mean of her shock

you have to say something, is there any chance she has forgotten <clutches at straws>

Anniegetyourgun Mon 31-Dec-12 11:44:23

You don't have to be rude or pushy or anything just to ask what's going on. In what way is it confrontational to ask what time someone intends to visit? A good friend would have no problem at all with you asking and would give you no grief at all when answering. However, it seems you're already expecting the answer to be something unpleasant. If there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, which there might be, then the sooner you know what it is the sooner you can stop this sort of predictive seething.

Nancy66 Mon 31-Dec-12 11:45:21

OP you're being a doormat.

Ring her. Ask if she's coming over. If she says 'no' then tell her you are pissed off.

People only walk all over people who lie down and let them do it.

digerd Mon 31-Dec-12 11:50:15

Nancy
Not always the case, and people who use others as doormats are not worth knowing.

stifnstav Mon 31-Dec-12 11:56:06

I don't think that there has been any forgetting going on.

OP checked with her friend a few days ago, friend confirmed.

OP has accounted for the kids being restless, hence the "part of the evening" bit.

Friend is using OP as a back up. Its downright rude.

I would do what Fakebook says. Post on her FB wishing her and the kids a good time. End of.

Then enjoy your evening without her. If she were to come over you wouldn't enjoy it knowing she wants to be elsewhere.

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 12:02:07

I wouldn't want her over either. Under duress.
Fuck that.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 31-Dec-12 12:02:39

Don't post anything on FB.

justmyview Mon 31-Dec-12 12:09:52

Don't use FB unless your aim is to draw attention to this and try to humiliate her. Better to send a text - "I saw on FB that you're planning to go out tonight, so I assume you're not coming here after all"

HecatePropolos Mon 31-Dec-12 12:18:04

I just can't help wondering just how stupid someone has to be to make plans with someone, and then on facebook, publicly announce they're doing something else/want to do something else. Or tell someone they're sick and then publicly on facebook announce that they went out and had a great time.

I mean HOW can you not think oh, this is going out to my fb friends. X is my fb friend. X will see this. X will know I lied.

HOW? How can someone not understand that?

Proudnscaryvirginmary Mon 31-Dec-12 12:20:05

Arrgghh just ask her!

Dear God, all of you suggesting writing arsey comments on Facebook to shame her - you are all clearly the childish drama queens that make Facebook so insufferable!

Rise above that kind of crap and either private message, text or phone and simply say you saw her post and is she coming or not?

Of course you shouldn't have to as she's already confirmed but you do actually need to know if she's going to come or not and whether to cook etc.

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 12:27:10

They just don't think.
We had this happen to us once, with a couple we are friendly with. They called in sick about something we had arranged with them (at their instigation!!), and then the wife posted details of a great night out with someone else on fb.
I liked the photos, and the next day I got a message about how her dh felt better later on in the evening, and they'd ventured out for a while and blah blah blah.
I ignored it.

We don't much bother with them these days. We get on well, but I wouldn't put myself out for them.

marchwillsoonbehere Mon 31-Dec-12 12:29:37

You girls are way more assertive than me. Even as I type I am sitting here thinking, ooooooh but I don't want to upset anyone

But 2013 you go onto say that you will pull her up on it if/when you see the post mortem tomorrow. That sounds really passive/aggressive to me. If you are as nice as you say you are you would get in touch with her now to clear it up. From your own telling, it sounds to me as though, while she might indeed be being awful, she also has room to think that yours was an 'if you've nothing better to do' invite and it could be that she really does feel that you won't mind if she's not there...I could be wrong of course.

However, you really don't sound soft and non assertive to me (I'm hoping you might be pleased by that as it seems to be what you want) but are rather spoiling for a fight. As so many others have said, the really nice, grown up and straightforward thing to do would be to ask her.

pictish Mon 31-Dec-12 12:39:25

The thing is...there's probably no need to take it personally.
The couple I described have form, and we have sat in their living room and listened to them lie to people they have double booked with before. They do it to lots of people, but get away with it because they are fun and charming.

However, even though I don't take it as a personal insult, I still think it's damn rude to waste someone else's time this way, and show such scant regard for their feelings. I cba with them. He is dh's old pal, and I've known them for years. I don't rate that sort of crap as a good attribute in a pal, so I enjoy them when I see them and don't consider them otherwise.

It's piss poor.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Mon 31-Dec-12 12:44:14

2012, please let me go to sleep a big softie and 2013 please let me wake up a nasty bitch.

^^This sums up your view of life the matter.

It doesn't have to be that way, op; there is a happy medium and this is what most adults should endeavour to achieve.

Politely questioning whether your friend had either mis-understood your original invite, or had forgotten abut it, does not make you a nasty bitch.
But, as others have pointed out, that's not what you want to do, is it?

Maybe pray to wake up as in the NY as a grown up.

Greatdomestic Mon 31-Dec-12 12:52:02

Op, just call her to confirm if she's stillcoming round and at what time.

ffs just ask her today. you are not going to wake up tomorrow suddenly a changed woman! you cant go from doormat to assertive overnight... and thinking so "because its nye" is stupid.

leaving it till tomorrow is childish. you will not be able to enjoy your evening and relax as you will be constantly wondering if/when they will turn up.

SoggySummer Mon 31-Dec-12 13:02:18

What a cow!!!

FB her and ask if she undeerstands how FB works? Then tell her to fuck off to the arse end of nowhere and when she gets there - fuck off some more.

Jux Mon 31-Dec-12 13:05:48

I'd comment on fb "oh! Does that mean you're not coming here for drinks and food like we arranged?" or something.

Nancy66 Mon 31-Dec-12 13:11:47

FGS stop living your lives through Facebook....

PuppyMonkey Mon 31-Dec-12 13:17:40

If only they could invent a handy means by which you could talk to your friend in person and ask the simple question: "Are we still on for tonight?" Surely someone can come up with a good suggestion...confused

Jahan Mon 31-Dec-12 13:21:25

I agree with puppymonkey. Just ask her if this evening is still on.
She may just turn up anyway.

CalamityKate Mon 31-Dec-12 13:33:24

That's a really good idea Puppymonkey.

I remember when I was little, we used to attach 2 tin cans to each other with a length of string to make a rudimentary communication device.

It's a shame nobody ever expanded on that idea.

NewAndSparklyMe Mon 31-Dec-12 13:48:48

This thread's bonkers, sorry. How is it being confrontational to ask if someone's still coming round or not?! confused
If someone's said they're coming, then sending a text to ask what time they're getting to yours is just common sense!
I'd want to know rather than sat at home dithering and sitting around just on the off chance that they might or might not turn up.
Just send a text. "What time were you coming over tonight? Just so I know what time to expect you." Something like that.
Then if she texts back she's not coming, just think well at least I now know you great big steaming cowbag and scoff all the chocas and drink all the wine yourself.
You weren't even forced to have seen Facebook. For all she knows you haven't. You'd just be sending a text asking what time she's coming.
DON'T ask via her FB wall. Unless you like all that passive aggressive public fight club shite, that is (which is likely to make it worse.)

JenaiMorris Mon 31-Dec-12 14:03:06

Maybe pray to wake up in the NY as a grown up.

grin shotgun

LemonBreeland Mon 31-Dec-12 14:17:55

So if she doesn't get any other offers will she jsut turn up at yours? Will you just be a doormat and let her walk all over you?

Cooment on her post saying you hope she has fun, then at least she knows she can't use you as a last minute backup.

TheMonster Mon 31-Dec-12 14:25:51

I think you should say something before this evening.

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 14:30:00

Is the OP going to come and update? I am having a very dull afternoon and could do with the excitement. grin

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 31-Dec-12 14:33:16

Agree with others you need to say something today don't wait till tomo and I personally would do it over the phone rather than fb

EarlyInTheMorning Mon 31-Dec-12 14:35:38

Another example of how evil Facebook can be
I deleted my account almost two years ago now and I haven't looked back
Grow up and ask her, as in pick up the telephone and speak with her

BluelightsAndSirens Mon 31-Dec-12 14:44:19

just call and confirm so you know what to get In.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Mon 31-Dec-12 14:46:03

ummm she hasn't said she isn't coming, she is probably just sussing out what everyone else is up to for later on. A few days ago she said yes to your invite, cant see anything wrong in this, just text and ask what time she's coming over then go ahead as planned unless she says no in which case all the vitriol can then stand. You are going to look a bit of a numpty if you assume she's not coming and are sat in your PJs with no food or wine and they turn up expecting an evening with you then going on out later

BarredfromhavingStella Mon 31-Dec-12 14:57:52

OP please grow up & ring your friend ffs.

Hesterton Mon 31-Dec-12 15:00:42

I wonder if the OP is leaving contact until after in case her friend says, oh yes, I'd totally forgotten, see you at 7. I don't think she wants her round any more.

JenaiMorris Mon 31-Dec-12 15:01:25

Basically the OP in investing too much into this. She's being a martyr, which is not an attractive trait.

The friend is allowed to come round on condition that she doesn't do anything else, whereas as far as the friend is concerned it's casual drinks and nibbles at the home of someone who isn't going out anyway, possibly combined with a trip to town to catch up with some other mates.

"PuppyMonkeyMon 31-Dec-12 13:17:40

If only they could invent a handy means by which you could talk to your friend in person and ask the simple question: "Are we still on for tonight?" Surely someone can come up with a good suggestion..."

Technology's not there yet. Maybe in a decade or two

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 15:02:07

I am going to have to go and peel vegetables now to stave off the boredom and anticipation.

HildaOgden Mon 31-Dec-12 15:05:20

Even if you hadn't seen the FB comment,you would be in contact with her today to see what time she was arriving at.

So text/phone her and just ask 'so,what time are you and the kids planning to arrive?'.If she tries to squirm out of it,say nothing,just let her.Then promptly post on her FB...'hope you enjoy the night' and drop her.

If she says '7pm' or whatever,just say 'oh,I just wanted to check,your FB must have been hacked or something because it looks like you posted looking for a better offer,I was quite offended actually'.

Either way,I think I would drop her.It's not nice being kept in reserve like that.

TheMonster Mon 31-Dec-12 15:22:39

Hilda is right, you would have contact with her today to arrange a time, so go for it.

Or if no time was arranged, maybe the arrangement wasn't set in stone and Was only a suggestion.

TheMonster Mon 31-Dec-12 18:52:59

Any update op?

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 19:05:41

I have peeled vegetables to within an inch of their lives. Need update to satisfy chronic nosiness. grin

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 31-Dec-12 19:46:07

Any update?

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Mon 31-Dec-12 19:55:52

< The dull NYE crew > grin

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 31-Dec-12 19:57:14

Oh, FFS OP! Grow a vagina.

trapclap Mon 31-Dec-12 20:00:19

The poor bloody woman probably just forgot she'd made plans confused

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 31-Dec-12 20:00:24

Lol shotgun how true

She can't be much of a friend if you are too intimidated to even ring her!

Just ask her "I thought you were coming to mine? Have you changed your plans?"

trapclap Mon 31-Dec-12 20:07:29

I agree with shotgun, this has nothing to do with being assertive/ a doormat. It's about just communicating properly and not being an idiot

MudCity Mon 31-Dec-12 20:24:19

I wouldn't send a message, call her, text her or anything. I certainly wouldn't put a message on her FB page as it will only make you look bitter. I would just draw a line under it and not invest in her too much in the future.

She obviously thought her arrangement with you was a casual one. Yes, it is thoughtless not to let you know that she won't be coming round but don't retaliate. It is never worth it. You are better than that.

I have a couple of 'friends' whom I know rarely fulfil arrangements. Every time we make an arrangement I now treat it very 'tongue in cheek' and expect them to cancel. She sounds like she could be one of those types...you sort of learn not to invest in them and instead invest in people who don't let you down.

Have a nice evening. May 2013 be your year!

FobblyWoof Mon 31-Dec-12 20:46:52

See, I wouldn't call or message her now either. Only because if I was the OP I'd be feeling pretty annoyed with the friend and if I were to ring I'd be worried she would change her plans and "fit me in". Then I'd have to put her right. So personally, I'd be far more polite dealing with the next day.

In all likelihood she's probably forgotten she made plans with you OP. that or she's really dense for putting it on FB! Or, maybe she's inviting everyone round to yours!

yousmell Mon 31-Dec-12 22:43:06

Depends. If she was a good friend and I thought it was just a bit of honest confusion on her part, I'd text her tonight. But if we were drawing towards the end of a friendship, I'd probably text her in the morning and ask why she stood you up?

MonaLotte Mon 31-Dec-12 23:40:25

Come on OP what happened?!

SarahStratton Mon 31-Dec-12 23:51:49

I am imagining a small puddle of melted ice cream, quietly snivelling to itself in the corner.

Imaginethat Mon 31-Dec-12 23:58:50

OP if you want to be treated with respect you need to grow up a bit. If you area genuinely unsure as to whether she is owing, just call to ask her. Waiting to see if you can trip her up via FB is ridiculous. If you are as wet as you sound, she probably assumes you don't mind one way or the other.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 01-Jan-13 00:07:59

Come on OP! We won't berate you that much if you did nothing. wink

manicbmc Tue 01-Jan-13 00:15:28

Well, I hope the OP is suitably squiffy and her 'friend' is in town having a crap time

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 01-Jan-13 00:26:57

marking my place....

Findingmyself Tue 01-Jan-13 10:48:16

Any news, OP? Did you contact her?

pictish Tue 01-Jan-13 10:49:10

This is going to be one of those annoying ones where the OP never comes back isn't it?

Findingmyself Tue 01-Jan-13 10:51:51

Oh no don't say that, Pictish! I've been looking forward to hearing the outcome as I am a nosey cow grin

pictish Tue 01-Jan-13 10:52:37

Well me too...but I don't think we're going to get closure on this one.

DonderandBlitzen Tue 01-Jan-13 11:08:05

What happened in the end OP?

stifnstav Tue 01-Jan-13 11:37:07

She's still working her way through her friend's photos of last night? Or hungover? Or both?

Southeastdweller Tue 01-Jan-13 11:56:57

I'm surprised so many of you said she should post a passive-aggressive remark on the friends Facebook wall. That's the kind of thing that causes some of the FB grief, isn't it?

I also want to know what happened but then I am a nosey fuck

<fidgets impatiently>

what happened? did you ring her? did she turn up? refuses to admit im a nosey cow too grin

ArseyDarcey Tue 01-Jan-13 13:50:20

Was hoping the OP would have updated by now! I hate not knowing how things turned out also not a nosey cow

manicbmc Tue 01-Jan-13 14:28:18

Hope OP had a nice evening.

OP, no offence, you don't sound like much of a softie. I don't think you sound mean or anything either, don't get me wrong, but all this talk about "I'm too nice", well, it's what any reasonable and bemused person would do in your situation- wonder how to handle it. By "assertiveness" people usually mean..... brashness or something. Why didn't you just call and cancel?

Or if you really wanted to be childish you could post on her facebook and write "oh thank goodness for this, I felt really bad as I was just going to cancel!" wink

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