to be cross with inlaws.

(34 Posts)
manchester04 Mon 31-Dec-12 06:44:48

Ds who is almost 6 still wears a pull up at night. Sil and mil know/saw this and both started the ".... is 4 and doesn't wear a nappy at night". Aibu to be cross about this. I know its not ideal him still being in pull up but i understand its still within normal range. Plus this is hardly going to help.

Wearegoingtobedlehem Mon 31-Dec-12 06:48:23

I dont think I would be impressed with their criticism

RandomMess Mon 31-Dec-12 06:49:13

YANBU, they are clearly uneducated and do not realise it's about hormone production not ability grin

Best way to kick start the hormone is to actually increase the amount of fluid they drink during the day. I don't think the medics look at this issue until they are 8ish

yousmell Mon 31-Dec-12 07:42:45

it's within the normal range till hes 8. can you tell them?

tangofan Mon 31-Dec-12 07:51:13

YANBU at all. I sympathise, this could easily have been my insensitive mil or sil. It is common and even if it wasn't it hardly helps to comment like that, it's just being judgemental and tactless with it.
Can you tell I speak from experience and am a teensy bit bitter?! grin

manchester04 Mon 31-Dec-12 09:22:33

I really feel sad for ds. Mil is his only granddparent and she clearly favours dd. I have noticed it and i think he is starting to see it too.

manchester04 Mon 31-Dec-12 09:23:40

I think calling it a nappy is wrong for a start. Its a pyjama pant.

imtheonlyone Mon 31-Dec-12 09:25:20

That's sad, YANBU at all!! My DS is 7 nearly 8 and we've only just stopped putting him in pull ups at night. My other DS on the other hand was dry in the day and at night at 2!!!! They are all so different.
Think the favouritism is sad too hmm give your DS a big hug!

FolkElf Mon 31-Dec-12 09:27:16

My son was in pull ups at night until he was well into year 1.

We saw the school nurse about it and she said they didn't do anything about it until children were 8 so 4 is absolutely nothing to worry about at all!

Your MIL doesn't know what she is talking about.

FolkElf Mon 31-Dec-12 09:27:55

yes that's it, pyjama pants, not pull ups.

MushroomSoup Mon 31-Dec-12 09:28:12

My eldest had 'sleep pants' until she was around 6. She was just a very heavy sleeper and, although she was dry in the day from 2 and a half, it took her much longer to manage it at night. We just didn't make a big deal out of it. Eventually we found the pants were dry in the mornings a few days in the trot so we stopped them and it was all fine! No point doing it until they're ready.
My younger DCs were dry day and night by 2 and a half.

Anyway, it doesn't matter if your family don't like it. Your child, your rules!

YANBU I'd be very cross with them too. Especially if they said anything about it in front of your ds sad

Ds2 was in them until he was 8 and a half! It's perfectly normal, especially in boys apparently. My other 4 dc were all dry at night by 3 but every child is different.

My dad used to make comments about him still being in "nappies" and in front of him too. It did nothing but make poor ds feel bad and like he was doing something wrong.

I'd google hormone production and the weeing connection, print it out and have it to hand for their next visit. If they mention it again thrust it at them and tell them not to mention it again!

ByTheWay1 Mon 31-Dec-12 09:41:10

Do your in laws know you are all "working on it" perhaps they think you are just leaving him in pull ups for your convenience?

(6 or 7 years ago when my girls were small the advice was to wake them before you go to bed and take them to the loo, then wake them early/when you get up... and not to use pull ups as they are too "comfortable" - advice changes over the years perhaps they are working from a different advice set?)

CollieAndTheEyeV Mon 31-Dec-12 09:57:02

I'm sad that you've been made to feel this way, and really hope nothing was said infront of your DS.

This thread has reassured me somewhat. My DS (just turned 5) is also still in 'night pants' and I was getting concerned that he's nowhere near being dry at night. His pull up is often more sodden than his 2 year old sister's. DS is very slight build. Could this have something to do with the lack of hormone production?

Anyway OP, you are not alone, and YANBU!

TheFallenNinja Mon 31-Dec-12 10:03:23

I don't have to even read this. Everyone will try to weigh in with words of wisdom. I pay no heed and just carry on with what I'm doing unless it is good advice I can work with where I will naturally take the credit grin

Amothersruin Mon 31-Dec-12 10:17:09

Use the mn classic of fuck off and then when you get there fuck off some more on them! My ds is 9 and still in them. He has recently started on medication but doesnt seem to be working either. I am not concerned-I myself was a bed wetter. Ds is a heavy sleeper but I am sure he will eventually grow out of it.

FreakishlyFantastic Mon 31-Dec-12 10:24:21

im normally a lurker and don't post much but i am going through this with my nearly 7yo ds, i think they are being completely unreasonable talking like this, and i hope they are not doing it in front of your dc,

having just seen an enuresis specialist the advice i was given was quite detailed, i would be happy 2 type the leaflet into a pm if you would like, we have been following the advice for 2 weeks now, and there is a definite improvement even if its not 100% smile

TheMonster Mon 31-Dec-12 10:26:12

Yanbu. Criticisms and comparisons like this are one of the reasons we no longer see my inlaws.

Just repeat "the doctor says its normal and perfectly fine" in a monotone voice every time they say it.

Or how about "my friend's mum is 68 and already knows its rude to comment on other people's bodily functions!"

Or "gosh you've got a lot of wrinkles/bad breath/quite a spare tyre, MIL. What are you doing about it?"

I'd address the favouritsim head on though. Find an example of specific behaviour that you can describe to your MIL ("today you did this"). Tell her ds is noticing the favouritsm, it is damaging, and it has to stop. You can dress it up as "I'm sure its unintentional, but ..."

ComposHat Mon 31-Dec-12 10:44:21

Wait until the daft old buggers go incontinent and then add 'My mum is 79 and she doesn't piss herself and need Tena Lady'

Tanith Mon 31-Dec-12 10:52:08

It's always been the case that children can be wetting the bed at this age.
My DH wasn't dry at night until he was 7, according to MIL, and I can remember my brothers, sister and I all had rubber under sheets on the bed during infant school.

Not at all unusual. I'm surprised they don't know that.

peaceandlovebunny Mon 31-Dec-12 11:29:19

my grandma was a great believer in 'lifting' children in the night. when tiny, that meant physically lifting them out of bed, and taking them to the bathroom. older children were woken a little and led to the bathroom, then back to bed.
it was an excellent system and shows that my grandma, born in 1909, had the expectation that primary age children, left to their own devices, might not be dry at night.

blackeyedsusan Mon 31-Dec-12 11:31:47

I was going to come on with a suggestion similar to the bog manger burglar...

Jelly15 Mon 31-Dec-12 12:21:28

My sister was 13 when she could go all night without an accident and doctor said that it wasn't uncommon. I would be cross with ILs too. Tell them that if they can't be silently supportive and not draw attention to it then they can go to hell.

Dolallytats Mon 31-Dec-12 12:35:07

I see lots of people have already replied, but I thought I would add that my DS (5 in March) is still in nappies at night (won't wear pyjama pants). His sister was dry at night by the age of 2-she was dry at night before she was dry during the day. Every child is different.

I always think it helps to hear from oters in the same boat!!

Anniegetyourgun Mon 31-Dec-12 12:42:28

One of mine wasn't dry at night till he was at secondary school. Another was reliably dry at a year old. It's not so much how you train them as how they just are. Additionally there are techniques that will help some but not others. But there, it's a good thing everyone isn't the same - otherwise everybody might be judgemental cows like your MIL and SIL.

Iteotwawki Mon 31-Dec-12 12:49:20

DS1 was dry at night before he was reliably dry through the day (around 3.5).

DS2 is still in nappies at night (at 5) and mostly dry in the day - when we remind him every 2h to have a wee. Or then there are days like today where he got through 3 changes smile

They're all different and reach different milestones at different ages. As long as he's more or less dry by 8 (or when he wants to go to a sleepover!) does it matter?

Really dislike competition parenting.

redskyatnight Mon 31-Dec-12 13:34:06

Is this their oldest grandchild? I think grandparents tend to forget what "normal" is and also not to understand how times have changed.

My parents went on and on about DS still being in nappies so "late". In fact he was out of nappies by 2y2m old. He is their oldest grandchild. By the time they'd had 5 more grandchildren - all of whom were out of nappies much later they had worked out to keep their mouths shut.

manchester04 Mon 31-Dec-12 14:55:50

Dd is the oldest. She is the golden girl who was dry day and night by 3. This is of course the same mil who told ds that daddy and auntie d were dry at 18 months. This was when he was 4 and still having accidents during day.

Colliewollydoodle Mon 31-Dec-12 18:05:42

Do you know, I wouldn't even get into a conversation with them about it. It's none of their business , and if they are bitchy enough to make comments like that you really don't want to share that sort of personal information. Don't lose sleep about them, you know how you feel about the situation and that's all that counts.
Gosh some people !

Chottie Mon 31-Dec-12 18:12:26

Please don't let them get to you. I used to do the 'lifting technique' with my children too.

I think your ILs should butt out and stop being so unsupportive. There, I can't believe I said that! smile (but I did and I meant it too)

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Mon 31-Dec-12 18:30:26

YANBU god I hate it when people say stuff like this! Not only is it NOT going to help getting a small child out of pull ups there just is no need for it at all. It's totally normal for a child this age to still not be dry at night. Having a 4 year old who is dry or not dry at night is no proof of how good or bad a parent is or how advanced the child is.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Mon 31-Dec-12 18:34:01

And yes my MIL also raved on about how she got her DD dry at 12 months old hmm apparently this proves she is to motherhood what David Beckham is to football.

IGNORE. Potty training etc is a horrendously competitive sport as far as I can see, almost on a par with walking. I had a friend who set her heart on having her daughter out of nappies full stop before she was 18 months old - whenever she came to visit she was laden with spare clothes, potties and nappies and could never settle down as she was running after her child either with the potty or dry clothes. It was an absolute nightmare having her round in the end. She was disparaging of my very laid back attitude about DS3 who I didn't even start waving a potty at until he was 2, and when he wasn't interested left it for another 6 months. However, once he'd decided nappies weren't for him we were done and dusted in a few weeks.......

None of their business, you carry on doing what suits your family best!

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