to be hacked off at boyfriends comment?

(45 Posts)
starlightbright Mon 31-Dec-12 01:51:26

Me and the boyfriend have been together around 6 months now. He occasionally mentions his ex. They weren't married and they've been broken up for 3 years now.

Last night in bed he made a comment of "you really look like my ex Lucy" ... (erm ... ok, possibly fine perhaps he has a type he goes for?) ... and he then follows it with "yeah when I was getting ready for work the other morning you were asleep and I wasn't sure if it was you or her."

To say I was hacked off would be an understatement. I fell asleep in a huff and he left the next morning and things were pretty awkward. He tried to justify himself by saying he was really tired and was therefore just talking crap.

My friend thinks aibu, but I don't think I am. So I'll ask the MN jury instead.

sundaywriter Mon 31-Dec-12 01:52:56

I'd be pissed off

SoleSource Mon 31-Dec-12 01:55:00

Hmmm he needs to get over her. LTB smile

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 31-Dec-12 01:58:07

Not unreasonable.

At all.

I'm sure that if my DP ever thought I reminded him of his (utterly mad) ex,ever, he very much kept that as an inside thought. As have I(though I've only ever thought "omg you are so much better")

Your friend clearly has low standards.

I'd go ballistic if he told me I reminded him of his ex.

Are you sure this isn't a rebound thing for him?

BonkeyMollocks Mon 31-Dec-12 01:58:28

I would 'accidently' mention that my ex was a donkey....wink

BonkeyMollocks Mon 31-Dec-12 01:59:06

Damn phone!

BonkeyMollocks Mon 31-Dec-12 01:59:39

Yanbu btw"

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 31-Dec-12 02:00:46

I say the last sentence as a woman who met kept DP literally merely days after he split with his on/off girlfriend. Not judging you OP

SirBoobAlot Mon 31-Dec-12 02:01:18

What. A. Twat.

A stranger (who didn't know we were together at the time) told me I reminded her of DPs ex, was there any relation? To say I bristled was putting it mildly. When I told him, he said, "Well you're both very caring people..." and then trailed off.

I got flowers the next day, if that helps grin

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 31-Dec-12 02:02:30

Bonkey had an ex hung like a Pringles box once. I deliberately made him dump me. It was awful. The sex I mean.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 31-Dec-12 02:04:50

Seriously OP.. You can do better than a bloke who thinks comparing you to his ex normal/okay

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 31-Dec-12 02:06:39

*i think mu longtime DP is better. I'm not a weirdy.

starlightbright Mon 31-Dec-12 02:07:20

I do sometimes consider if it's a rebound thing.

For example we were shopping in Sainsbury's yesterday. I was picking up some milk when he starts saying "me and my ex Lucy once stole wine from a supermarket"

Erm ... firstly I'm judging you for stealing anything and secondly how is this even relevant and why the hell do I need to know this.

MidniteScribbler Mon 31-Dec-12 02:08:13

"You remind me of my kindergarten boyfriend. Your penis is the same size."

Gingersstuff Mon 31-Dec-12 02:12:24

Tell him the wine-stealing Lucy is welcome to him. What age is he, 12? Oh, and he is most definitely a twat. And a fud.

trapclap Mon 31-Dec-12 02:13:58

Oqh gawd, no he really has no need to even mention her in those contexts. He thinks about her way too much

expatinscotland Mon 31-Dec-12 02:14:23

After three years? He's still mentioning her and then comes out with that?

And he didn't even apologise?

I'm dump him for being such a fucking freak.

GothAnneGeddes Mon 31-Dec-12 02:17:59

No, no, no, no.

You should not be mentioning your ex in such unnecessary circumstances 3 years after you've broken up with them. No way.

Especially as he seems to mention her rather too fondly. I'd jumping ship if I were you.

starlightbright Mon 31-Dec-12 02:18:27

He did apologise ... but then I rolled over so I wasn't facing and he tried to put his arm around me but I shrugged him off and then he just muttered "ffs" and went to sleep.

Which is way it so awkward in the morning.

He text me to say has he completed fucked things up between us?

I've replied saying I don't know.

I really am considering leaving him over this.

starlightbright Mon 31-Dec-12 02:20:05

I generally don't mind people mentioning their exs but only if it's relevant.

Just because we were in a supermarket doesn't make his story relevant.

I guess it was obvious he was thinking about her at the time. How nice.

expatinscotland Mon 31-Dec-12 02:22:37

Considering?! This guy's weird. Dump.

GothAnneGeddes Mon 31-Dec-12 02:24:54

O.P, listen to the alarm bells and get rid. Tbh, you can't be that in to him and if so, then there's no need to stay with him, when you're always going to be compared to "The One That Got Away"

EllenParsons Mon 31-Dec-12 02:43:05

I do think it's weird that he obviously still thinks of her often and brings her up irrelevantly and inappropriately. Yanbu to mind this and consider it a big problem.

Earlybird Mon 31-Dec-12 02:47:18

Just curious - did his ex break up with him, or was it the other way 'round? Also, has he had a relationship since he split with the ex?

And, yanbu, btw. I'd be upset, hurt and angry at regular references and/or comparisons. He sounds inconsiderate and immature.

starlightbright Mon 31-Dec-12 02:53:12

I'm surprised that I don't know for certain but I think it was her who broke up with him.

I think she was older than him too and it was his first serious relationship, as hes told me numerous times that they lived together.

Earlybird Mon 31-Dec-12 02:59:00

Maybe he still loves her - or at least, isn't over her yet.

Either way, doesn't sound as if he is able to give you his full emotional 'attention' and/or care.

starlightbright Mon 31-Dec-12 03:04:00

No ...

But three years? It's definitely time to move on.

Well I think it's definite that I'm ending it. Bad that it happens to be New Years Eve.

Earlybird Mon 31-Dec-12 03:12:48

Think it is best to move on.

Regular references to you about an old girlfriend show he is not concentrating on building a new relationship (or perhaps isn't able to concentrate on it).

Also quite revealing that he seems to be oblivious that his comparisons/comments are inappropriate, and then compounds it by defensive and immature responses when you react in an (understandably) negative way.

Booyhoo Mon 31-Dec-12 03:56:51

OP he's testing you. he's seeing how much shittyness and obvious reaction warranting behaviour you will tolerate. give him his answer. tell him the line was waaay back there and that he can just toddle back over it and be with lucy.

Alis " if my DP ever thought I reminded him of his (utterly mad) ex," i bet she didn't tell you she was mad. right? wink

JessieMcJessie Mon 31-Dec-12 05:46:35

Good for you Starlight, it sounds like the right decision (for the milk thieving alone!).

All the best for a fresh start in 2013.

MammaTJ Mon 31-Dec-12 06:36:05

He obviously sees his ex through rose tinted spectacles. That may be the same for all exes of his.

I would say LTB and then you elevate yourself to the highly prized status of ex.

echt Mon 31-Dec-12 06:54:41

I would say EVER mentioning the ex while in bed with the current squeeze is reprehensible. Kick him to the kerb.

peaceandlovebunny Mon 31-Dec-12 08:46:18

get rid of him. start afresh with someone who isn't looking for a lucy-substitute.

FolkElf Mon 31-Dec-12 08:55:11

Yep, I'd also end it if I were you. You've been with him for 6 months and it's 3 years since they split up.

She should be a dim and distant memory by now.

Itsafreefuckingcuntry Mon 31-Dec-12 08:55:50

I wouldn't normally say leave the bastard, but I used to go out with a bloke who couldnt stop mentioning his ex. He was gorgeous and funny but every now and again, all I'd hear about is Danielle. It was really upsetting. I had to dump him fast. He wasn't worth investing my time in. You deserve better because your bloke doesn't seem to have got over his ex, no matter what he might try to tell you.

TheFallenNinja Mon 31-Dec-12 09:02:12

Hmm. Sounds a bit like this fellas days are numbered.

This is basic respect, you don't eat a meal and tell the cook somebody else did it better.

Silly boy.

SantasENormaSnob Mon 31-Dec-12 09:35:18

He is a weirdo.

ImperialSantaKnickers Mon 31-Dec-12 09:42:20

Agree, three years split and six months of you two together, he should be no longer thinking about her except in that vaguely reminiscent, friendly way that most of us occasionally remember exes once we're over them. Sounds like he isn't at that stage, as you say a shame it's NYE, but it does give you a New Year New You opportunity.

yohohoho Mon 31-Dec-12 09:49:32

Tbh its not just strange its creepy.
I wouldn't mind the mentioning of the ex if relevant. But you are right, it doesn't seem relevant.

Its seems he is constantly thinking about her. Then watching you sleep and confusing you.

Its all very stalkerish behaviour to me.

WhatEverItIsIDidntDoIt Tue 01-Jan-13 02:42:56

So did you leave the bastard?

Hope 2013 brings you a man worthy of you!

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 01-Jan-13 02:47:06

Booyho no,it was when she scaled his back garden wall whilst we were having a quite night in (after breaking in to his neighbours garden) a year after they split I realised she was utterly mad.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 01-Jan-13 02:47:25


Astelia Tue 01-Jan-13 03:42:53

He is constantly thinking of his ex and he's a thief. I also hope you find someone who deserves you in 2013.

TurnipCake Tue 01-Jan-13 03:57:23

I'd give him the heave-ho, OP, and celebrate with some not-stolen wine

misterwife Tue 01-Jan-13 07:05:22

This is tactless and a little weird, but not a dumping offence. It might just be a casual comment - a strange casual comment, but a casual comment nonetheless.

Mentioning it on a regular basis would be a bit more serious.

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