to want to stab this mum with a needle

(72 Posts)
meddie Sun 30-Dec-12 00:20:48

I work in nursing, today we had a family visit with their small child. who quickly became bored and started to act up a bit (like kids that age do). Mum turns to him and says "If you don't behave, that nurse will come stick a big needle in you"

I was shock

AIBU to want instead to stick the biggest needle I can find in the mum for failing parenting 101?

BuntyPenfold Sun 30-Dec-12 00:25:32

oh dear meddie sad

Unfortunately many people are not taught how to parent, that is what you have witnessed, a lack of parenting skills.

I wish that the parenting classes that are offered at many Children's Centre's were not thought of as an admittance of faliure and just as something that would enhance family life.

BadDayAtTheOrifice Sun 30-Dec-12 00:27:29

I saw the exact same thing being discussed on the telly the other night.....

jellybaby25 Sun 30-Dec-12 00:28:38

Not ideal, but perhaps she was stressed due to hospital/ clinic visit?

threesocksfullofchocs Sun 30-Dec-12 00:29:19

some people make mistakes

Northernlebkuchen Sun 30-Dec-12 00:30:47

Bit judgemental OP. You don't 'fail' parenting - especially not as a result of one remark!

HollyBerryBush Sun 30-Dec-12 00:31:36

It's devolved parenting when nothing else will work - like 'Santa wont bring you presents if you aren't good' or 'the policeman/shopkeeper/etc will tell you off if you don't do XYZ'.

SirBoobAlot Sun 30-Dec-12 00:32:19

That's terrible sad Not only is ruling by fear a horrible way to parent, but surely that child will have vaccinations / see a nurse / have to go to hospital at some point down the line, and this will just terrify him!

MouseyHousey Sun 30-Dec-12 00:35:21

My 2.5 yr old has recently got in the habit of shoving sweetcorn up her nose when she thinks no-one is looking, shes had one stuck but managed to blow it out. I really dont want to take her to a&e with corn up her nose so told her if it gets stuck the doctor will have to get it out with a needle - this seems to be working so far. AIBU for saying this?
Im quite sad to think I failed parenting 101.
Sorry for hijack!

meddie Sun 30-Dec-12 00:36:51

That was my thoughts exactly Sirboobalot. just made me a feel a little bit stabby, that
a) she could cause needle phobia in her child
b) I was cast as the big evil nurse sad

Findingmyself Sun 30-Dec-12 00:39:33

I can see your point but I think YABU as you've said she's failed parenting. That's a pretty big judgement to make and it's quite sad that you've taken it upon yourself to decide that.

TraineeBabyCatcher Sun 30-Dec-12 00:39:37

I would feel fairly similar as I do hate when people use figures of authority as threats just to scare.

I'll ring daddy, that police man will lock you up, etc .

However we do all say things without thinking sometimes, I'm guilty of it that's for sure.

Hesterton Sun 30-Dec-12 00:39:42

Not sure 'little bit stabby' is the best phrase here...

ShellyBoobs Sun 30-Dec-12 00:39:49

just made me a feel a little bit stabby

That's fucking appalling.

For a supposed medical 'professional' who has surely the aftermath of stabbings in the course of your work.

You should be ashamed.

Fairyegg Sun 30-Dec-12 00:40:34

We all say things we regret particularly when stressed. It's not great I grant you, but could be worse.

Hesterton Sun 30-Dec-12 00:40:51

Oh Shelly, hardly. I was tongue in cheek.

trapclap Sun 30-Dec-12 00:41:47

I don't understand why it OS so mad to get shop-keeper etc involved; surely shop-keeper will ne telling off said child, if child doesn't comply with parents discipline... confused

OP sounds like something my mum would say, half joking...meh. I don't see it ad any great parenting disaster

meddie Sun 30-Dec-12 00:47:58

Shelly it was tongue in cheek remark do you honestly think I would justify stabbing people really??

HildaOgden Sun 30-Dec-12 00:51:02

You have my sympathy,I really hate when adults use other adults as a threat.I had a summer job in a toy shop when I first left school,I remember a mum saying to her boisterous lively child 'if you don't stop messing around,that lady will take you to the back of the shop and lock you in the dark room back there'.I remember being actually,truly horrifed at being dragged into such a threat.I somehow found my voice (and I'm still suprised I did this),looked right at the child and said 'No I won't do that pet,only a cruel person would do that to you' and then looked at the mother and said 'if you want to terrorise a small child,that's your decision,do NOT think I am the same as you'.

I shook for about an hour afterwards,it's more than twenty years ago but I still remember it vividly.

quoteunquote Sun 30-Dec-12 00:53:52

Don't worry about it, humour malfunction I'm sure.

Meglet Sun 30-Dec-12 00:56:44

Yanbu. I can't stand it when parents say stuff like that ("ooo, that police man will arrest you"...etc). Hospitals aren't the most fun places to visit so threatening a child with that is just stupid and thoughtless.

I agree that causing unnecessary fear of needles in a young child is a daft idea, particularly as the parents will have to deal with the consequences of that fear for many years to come .... Talk about short-sightedness, shooting yourself in the foot, rod for own back etc etc.

I will, however, always be grateful to the traffic warden who marched up to a tantrumming 2 year old Ds who was doing that "rigid as a board" thing when I tried to get him into the trolley seat outside Tesco, and told him to sit down properly for his mummy or else! In a very stern tone. He complied immediately with huge round eyes, and I could have kissed her! She just winked at me and headed inside. I always wondered if she did that to some recalcitrant toddler every day on her way for her lunchtime sandwich grin

Oh and Shelley chill. As she IS a HCP, i really don't think anybody is in danger from being literally stabbed by OP hmm it's an oft-used turn of phrase on AIBU. OP just in case I'm wrong, which hospital should I put on my "avoid" list? wink

trapclap Sun 30-Dec-12 01:02:32

It's a bit melodramatic to think it will give s child a needle phobia.is it not? confused

Willdoitinaminute Sun 30-Dec-12 01:21:35

I was once telling my DS off in M&S, just as I threatened him with the proverbial policeman one obligingly walked past, and with a wry smile agreed with me. I'm not sure who was more astonished DS or me.

Willdoitinaminute Sun 30-Dec-12 01:31:40

No it's always unacceptable to use HCP as bogeymen we already get enough bad press!

MammaTJ Sun 30-Dec-12 04:13:08

I can't imagine saying that to one of my children.

My DD is 7 and already needle phobic. She had the flu jab in November and is already fretting about next years. To actually threaten a child with it is appalling.

I wouldn't threaten with a policeman either tbh, there may come a day when they need to go to one for help!

Chottie Sun 30-Dec-12 06:14:06

meddie I agree with you and find that remark just awful. Why do parents say these things to their children?

Before I get flamed, I will add that Christmas, hospital stress etc. is not an excuse.....

I'm thinking if a mother makes that sort of comment in public, what does she say to the child in private shock

It only takes one misplaced comment for a seed to be planted and a fear to grow. Children will fret over really strange things anyway, never mind giving them something real to fixate upon.
As a nurse I see the stress that needle phobic patients endure, with some we have to do weeks of preparation therapy with the psych OT before we can even get them anywhere near a clinic room.

As an aside we were shopping in Tesco a couple of days ago, there was a little girl being a bit 'lively' but no worse than any other three-ish year old.
As we walked past her, DH pushing the trolley, the mother said to the child "Get back here or the bad man will get you and take you away".
Just as DH was right next to her child. The stupid mother probably didn't even mean him, but it's a daft thing to say (there are better ways of teaching them stranger danger) and though we laughed it off he said he felt a bit 'Wha?'.

Megatron Sun 30-Dec-12 07:10:56

Comments like that are ridiculous and I honestly do believe that they can stick in a child's mind and give them fears in the future.

However, nor am I a fan of people taking one incident/snapshot like this and judging a person to be a failure as a parent. It was stupid but presumably none of us on here know what's going on on that persons life, I know I certainly don't get it right 100% of the time, I wish I did. I bet every single one of us on here has been judged unfavourably on our parenting along the way, in a shop, hospital,school etc by someone who knows nothing about us or our family life.

yousmell Sun 30-Dec-12 09:21:35

I would never say that exactly (needles - ugh!) but I can say quite daft similar things as a joke to my kids and they would find it funny.

However if they were being naughty, it would be the naughty chair or naughty step even in hospital.

Some comments can roll off a child while others can over as a deep seated worry.

yousmell Sun 30-Dec-12 09:28:46

mousey - I tend to tell my kids factually what will happen if they xxx . So while my 4.5 year old is helping me cook I will briefly/lightly/undramatically remind him about burns/tap water/hospital visits so that he is careful. We do quite a lot of cooking together.

cheekybaubles Sun 30-Dec-12 09:47:01

Well done hilda, I have done similar to that too. Was very satisfying. Don't think some people realise how horrible it is to be used as the threat.

everlong Sun 30-Dec-12 09:48:47

What is wrong with some people?

RooneyMara Sun 30-Dec-12 09:51:36

Yes I agree the mum's comment was poorly judged. But I also find your thread title and comments about retaliation, however much of a fantasy they might be, pretty distasteful.

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Sun 30-Dec-12 09:58:06

Eeeh but I am sooooo that mum who makes these threats ..... However, my dd, who is now 14, always understood my humour.
My favourite one was when dd and dn were driving me insane in sainsbury and I said "right, that's it, I'm ringing the social worker back, you're going into care"
They stood there giggling and snorting and the checkout ladies jaw hit the floor.

I guess it's all in the saying of it.

My dd ALWAYS used to ask before a Drs visit or hospital appointment "will I have to have an injection?"
My answer "yes but only in your eyeball"

If you didn't know me or her you might think I was evil I am

Good lord, the PO are out in strength today!

OP YANBU at all. I hate it when parents threaten their child with another person (Daddy, Santa, police etc) because all it does is teach that child that their parent is incapable of discipline and that authority figures should be feared. hmm

In this case the parent is just setting the child up to be scared of needles and HCPs so it's doubly unreasonable.

RooneyMara Sun 30-Dec-12 10:01:17

Do you never find anything offensive, Joyful?

lolaflores Sun 30-Dec-12 10:02:29

Overheard a mother at a GP's threaten her ill child with injections and needles if she didn't behave. Plain nasty.
Don't care if they are stressed, tired etc. being such a bully is just vile

PackItInNow Sun 30-Dec-12 11:26:26

It won't necessarily cause a needle phobia in kids. A lot of other kids I went to school with and I were threatened with injections if I misbehaved. None of us have needle phobias.

IME, most people I know with needle phobias have them because of the BCG (we all had the BCG in primary 6/7) and the size of the needle used, not from being told that it was sore.

I have a phobia of needles being given in the side of my thigh. This stems from the injection hurting so much even though I was given pethidine. I told the nurse that I would NEVER have another jab in the side of my thigh ever again. So the next time I had pethidine I asked to be jabbed in the bum. They refused to do it, saying the couldn't in case they jabbed the sciatic nerve, and although she already had the needle sitting out ready to use, I refused until I could have it done in my bum. It wasted a needle, but I sure as heck, wasn't going to endure pain for the sake of some pain relief.

Fortunately a wonderful Phillipino nurse gave me the jab in my bum, no problem. The side of my thigh is still sore from that day and I have refused to have any more injections in the side of my thigh.

I will not have any more jabs unless they can guarantee it'll be in my arm/bum/ anywhere else other than my thigh.

Fakebook Sun 30-Dec-12 11:33:59

I do this in shops. When dd is running around or touching things I tell her the shop keepers will get angry. Or the doctors in doctors surgery will get angry. It stops her from doing silly things. Maybe the poky needle was a bit of a silly comment though.

PackItInNow Sun 30-Dec-12 12:06:14

Meant to put in that my phobia isn't classed as a phobia of needles, just where the site that triggered off the reluctance to have any injection. I can sit and have blood taken, injuections anywhere on my body except the thigh and my back (had steroid & anaesthetic injections, at the Chronic Pain Clinic, that were absolutely excruciating and the next few days I was bed-ridden and in tears due to the pain).

I was asked what I would do if I had to have a lumbar puncture, and I told the GP that if I wasn't knocked out, it just wouldn't happen.

12ylnon Sun 30-Dec-12 12:09:46

forthesake we do exactly the same thing. DS always knows we're joking and he thinks it's funny. For example, if he's complaining of something painful and being a bit pathetic about it, we go 'right, everyone jump in the car! We need to get to hospital so that DS can have his finger/foot/tummy amputated!' He thinks its funny and it takes his mind off the whining. I wouldn't say it to anyone else's child though, might take me seriously....
Is it possible you misunderstood her tone op?

digerd Sun 30-Dec-12 12:19:35

Our SAHM always threatened us with " Just wait until your father gets home!"
I was the only one who was scared. Oh, and she used to threaten us with the dog lead, but never used it, again I was the only one scared. That was in the "olden days, of course".
Poor mum.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 12:24:54

I hate it when people use others to be a baddie. The person responsible for making my children behave is me.

I have responded to 'sit down and behave or that lady will tell you off' by saying to the child things like 'I won't. I really don't care'

trapclap Sun 30-Dec-12 12:35:34

I'm with forthesake and 12 my kids would completely understand that the nurse wouldn't really inject them....and I would assume that the woman in question knows that of her own children, rather than thinking she was some jobs of abusive bully parent failure hmm

Why do parents say these things to their children?

Because they honestly don't know any other way of parenting and you will find that they where parented in this manner.

You will probably find that unless the child picks a partner who knows better, then they will also parent their child in that manner.

When on MN it is asked if the poster should challenge bad parenting, the consenus is no, but if people are not taught "positive parenting", then they don't know how to do it and often rely on threat.

I include myself in this. I deliver "parenting" programmes, i wish i knew when my children where little what i know now. I will be a better GM than i have parent at times, tbh.

I don't think that we should condemn parents for what they don't know.

trapclap Sun 30-Dec-12 13:01:53

There are many ways to parent. Different kids respond to different approaches. Different situations require different approaches. Most parents have a full arsenal and don't rely totally on some rigid 'postive parenting' mantra or other made up crap

OliviaPeaceOnMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 30-Dec-12 14:23:25

Peace and love

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 14:26:31

You lot should behave or I will get Olivia to tell you off [ner]

MrsKeithRichards Sun 30-Dec-12 14:30:07

I worked in a supermarket when I was 18 and parents would constantly say to their kids 'behave or that lady will give you a row' and stuff like that. 'That lady' was also the one who walked up and down the aisles with lost children looking for their parents so best not make the kids scared of people.

*I would feel fairly similar as I do hate when people use figures of authority as threats just to scare.

I'll ring daddy, that police man will lock you up, etc*

I don't get the big deal with this, Ok maybe not the needle thing, as you say, they will need injections at some pint. but my DS has been playing up in town before and I've seen a policeman and said 'look there's a policeman over there, you better behave' Can't see anything abusive in that TBH.
and no, I wouldn't have felt 'stabby' about the needle thing either, it's not ideal, not terrifying. meh.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 30-Dec-12 14:34:44

I think it's awful to make children wary of people they might need help from. I can't stand hearing it 'look there's a policeman he'll get you in trouble you better behave' but what happens when that child gets lost or something and doesn't go to the police man for help in case they get in trouble? Lazy and confusing.

FreePeaceSweet Sun 30-Dec-12 14:38:57

Oh its just something a stressed parent says in the heat of the moment. Don't take it so seriously. My mum told me that the butcher would turn me into mince and chops if I didn't stop messing with the big plastic cow at the door. I looked up to see the butcher wielding a cleaver with a pretend grimace on his face. I wasn't scared of butchers then and I'm not now.

Alligatorpie Sun 30-Dec-12 14:42:24

I live in eygpt and it is common for parents to tell kids they will take them to the doctor and give them injections if they are acting up. I have several students in my class who are terrified of going to the doctor for routine things like eye tests, or hearing tests.
I hate it when adults use other adults to threaten kids. Learn to discipline your kids by yourself!
Yanbu.

No sorry I've thought about it, and I don't agree, my son knows police are there to help, he loves policemen, I am sure he also knows the copper isn't about to arrest a 4 year old, but just to see himself through the eyes of someone that he looks up to and respects, was enough to make him stop acting up.

Like I said, threats of any kind are not ideal, but in the moment, I forgive myself grin

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 16:22:52

Sure, I understand using whatever works Alien grin
And there absoloutely are worse methods.

The only reaon I can't agree with you is that it forces someone who might think it is an awful thing to say to a child to be complicit iysim.

I personally think it's pretty shitty and have never used it, but i have been used by some passing stranger as a means to threaten their child. I have a face which in repose looks like a badgers arse so it has happened more than once.

So whilsts it's your choice and you know it's not a problem for you or your child, the person being made into the baddie has no choice. It's why I respond to it now and will say 'no, I won't tell you off. That's your parents job not mine. Do what you like'.
For years I just sat there feeling grrrrrrr...

MrsKeithRichards Sun 30-Dec-12 16:24:03

Why confuse a child though? Why say police are there to help in one breath and they are going to get you in trouble with the next?

Yes, I get that, I think the police are slightly different, but nurses, strangers (who does that?!) in fact, no, you're right, it's not a good idea, and I honestly hadn't thought about it being confusing.

X post, I concede smile

MrsKeithRichards Sun 30-Dec-12 16:28:16

That's how I used to feel sitting on the checkouts in Tesco I was like ' don't make me a baddy just because you can't control your child' and I suppose I decided there it was something I'd never do.

It used to happen in the library I worked in as well, do be quiet Olivia or the librarian will throw you out and it went against everything we were trying to do. As a childrens librarian I wanted to be seen as kind, approachable and fun not a fucking dragon.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 16:29:23

And also, if anyone wants to cry 'oh no pag, I am sure your face does not look exactly like a badgers arse' that would be fine. Really.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 16:29:40

grin

oh no pag, I am sure your face does not look exactly like a badgers arse

grin

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 16:32:44

Aw shucks.

grin

BattlingFanjos Sun 30-Dec-12 16:34:46

I have had this for the first time ever today! Me and ds went shopping (for real healthy food not Christmas shite yay!) a woman walked past us and over a puddle with her (im assuming) ds. Literally through the puddle saying "don't jump in the puddle! Don't jump in the puddle! If you jump in the puddle and wet that lady (me) she'll punch you"

I just glared at her then said "no i wouldn't, but i wouldn't be very happy" and just smiled at the boy. My ds then says "Did you tell that lady you would punch that boy? That's just not nice Mummy!" grin

She was bang out of order, deal with your kids yourself don't be involving random strangers when you cant control your stress levels! Not bloody rocket science

pippinfluff Sun 30-Dec-12 17:35:01

Sorry but common sense? Whenever the poor thing has to have a vacination he will think his done something wrong. I know we all get stressed but really?

pippinfluff Sun 30-Dec-12 17:35:03

Sorry but common sense? Whenever the poor thing has to have a vacination he will think his done something wrong. I know we all get stressed but really?

purpleloosestrife Sun 30-Dec-12 20:06:41

ok - I agree, it's definitely not a great comment, but in the big scheme of things is not so bad.

I have fostered babies who have had mothers who have left them vomiting blood all night at 4 mo, neglected to feed them, buy them clothes or even a cot, left them covered in their own and/or animal faeces.....the list goes on and on.....sad

BattlingFanjos Sun 30-Dec-12 20:26:32

Ok so its not so bad in the grand scheme of things and yes there are worse things that happen (horrific things) but surely it's still damaging to a child? Even in the slightest?

What an amazing thing to have done purple maybe the fact I have not been close to such things makes me more sensitive to the smaller things? I think its still control using fear and it crosses a line for me.

purpleloosestrife Sun 30-Dec-12 21:35:12

battling still fostering here - have a 9mo with me at the moment. grin

I wouldn't wish a fear of needles on anyone, though ( my DH is the biggest wuss) .....and it can't be easy for the nurses to deal with

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